Original subtitles

Damn.

I can name that Tune in three notes.

That's very clever.

Thank you.

You all right?

Uh, yeah, I'm just working Up some estimates, you know...

Projected revenue from the Sales of "Blood on the badge."

Could have borrowed my abacus.

Mm-mm. Not enough beads.

I like your style... Greedy.

- dietrich: morning, cap. - harris: hi, barn.

Gentlemen.

- hi, barn. - woj.

- barney. - yeah.

I heard from my publisher today.

Yeah?

They got in some initial Sales figures, barn,

And it looks like "Blood on the badge"

Is really gonna take off.

Hey.

Barn, they're already talking About a second printing,

Increasing my Royalty percentage,

Plus, this week,

I should get a big fat check For the paperback rights.

They're turning my apartment Building into condominiums.

Oh, barn, I'm so sorry.

Live in a place 15 years,

Raise a family there.

Next thing you know, Some corporation

Is buying the place Right out from under you.

And they're just Kicking you out?

No.

They're giving me 90 days

To either vacate the Premises or buy the place.

Well, that isn't fair.

May not be fair,

But more and more Rentals are being converted

Into individually owned units.

Reasons given are High maintenance costs,

Low profit margins, Et cetera, et cetera.

Analysts are predicting In the near future,

There'll be virtually no decent Rental property available.

I just made that up.

Why don't I get that?

So, what are you Gonna do, buy the place?

I don't know.

I-I mean, that's a... That's a big deal.

The last major Financial decision I made

Was to buy this suit.

Well, at least you Got 90 days this time.

Got a disturbance on delancey.

Honest.

Take this one with you.

Okay, rizzo, in here.

Sure, sure. Hey, This is much nicer.

Captain, this is daniel rizzo.

I picked him up on my way in.

And I really appreciate it.

What?

I just escaped from jail.

Oh, not one of Yours... A competitor.

I was at the corner Of 10th and bleeker

When I observed the suspect here

Steal a hot dog From a street vendor.

Hey, I needed something To chew, for god's sake!

Come on.

You wouldn't believe the Stuff they were feeding me...

Noodles, baby Food, mock apple pie.

Who's they?

- the people who locked me up! - who were?

I don't know any names,

But they all live at The cadden apartment,

The big project Down by the river.

And they kept you Against your will?

Yeah, in a cage in A stinkin' basement!

- why? - that was the sentence.

- what sentence? - from the trial.

What trial?

Just giving you a breather, sir.

They said I tried to Rob their apartment,

So they had a Trial, convicted me,

And put me in their jail.

Could be vigilantes, sir.

Thank you, levitt.

Pretty shocking, huh?

Put him in the cage For the time being.

Okay, papillon, over there.

- did you listen to this? - yeah.

Take a run over to That apartment complex,

See what you can find out, And take levitt with you.

Come on, levitt.

Hey, barn, as long as I'm going over there,

You want me to Check on vacancies?

I'm not out on the street yet.

Okay, just looking ahead.

I appreciate that.

Vacancies? Moving, sir?

It's not certain yet, levitt.

They're changing his Building over to condominiums.

Oh, congratulations, sir. I Hear they're all the rage.

Let's go, levitt.

Thank you.

Ah, it was nothing, sir.

In here, mr. Ganz.

The whole purpose of Our work is to help people,

And they treat me like I'm some sleazy salesman

Pushing pots and pans.

I'm not interested.

What do we got here?

Oh, that's donald ganz, barney.

Broke down the door of an Apartment over on delancey.

Burglar?

Census taker.

Oh.

Is it time for that already?

Mm-hmm.

Ganz, I'm captain miller. You're with the census bureau?

I'm a regional field enumerator.

- I count people. - yes, yes.

They're supposed to fill Out these questionnaires

And send them back, But nobody does.

Mr. Ganz was in the building

Doing a door-to-door follow-up.

Every apartment, the Same thing... "Go away!"

"We don't want Any!" "Nobody's home!"

That doesn't fool me.

Well, apparently he took a Little more aggressive tack

At the apartment of One mr. Enrico santini.

I could hear them Inside, lots of them.

So he forced his way in.

He was chasing the santinis Around the apartment,

Trying to count heads.

I had most of them cornered When they showed up.

Well, regardless, the Entire santini family

Is pressing charges.

Even mama?

Mm-hmm.

Uh, dietrich, you Want to book mr. Ganz?

B-b-but, captain, listen,

People have a legal And patriotic duty

To provide this information!

I agree, mr. Ganz.

Unfortunately, your Methods were a bit extreme.

I tried being polite, courteous.

And you know what you get?

Profanity, doors Slammed in your face...

I have things to do.

People with things to do.

Nobody cares enough To take one second

To stand up and be counted!

Sure.

Catch ya next time.

You got a minute?

Over there.

Barney?

Yeah.

Barn, um, I just Want to let you know

That I might be a Couple of minutes late

Getting back from lunch.

I've got an autograph Session over at doubleday,

You know, for "Bob."

Bob? Who's bob?

"Bob"... "Blood on the badge."

That's what they're calling It on the cocktail circuit.

You'll have to forgive me.

I've been a bit Distracted today.

Oh, barney, you still got That apartment on your mind?

Barney, look.

I mean, you know that I don't usually pry,

But, um... How much they want?

$137,000.

Mnh, for that place.

Oh, barney, I mean, not That it's a hovel or anything.

That's all right. That was my reaction.

Well, of course.

Barn, it could be a very Good investment, though.

Yeah, I don't know If I can swing it.

I mean, I don't know what the Monthly payments would be.

Oh, please, barn, allow me, huh?

Let's see. $137,000...

With 25% down.

25%?

That leaves a Balance of $102,750.

At 14%... 14%? What's prime?

Oh, don't worry About prime, barn.

That's for their Really good customers.

That's not you.

Uh, let's see, factor In closing costs,

Uh, approximate Maintenance fees.

Oh. Taxes.

And, um, let's see... A few incidentals.

Divided by 12.

Oh, barn, it must Be the batteries.

If people would only realize

An accurate census is Important for everyone.

It determines political Representation,

Allocation of federal funds.

It's even used in Targeting vital programs.

I know. It's just that today

People are becoming More and more hostile

And even paranoid about any Kind of government intrusion,

Even when it's for legitimate And beneficial purpose.

Come on, I got to Put you in the cage.

You know, you are The first civilian

I have ever spoken to

Who really appreciates Our problem.

Okay, in here, mr. Ganz.

Look, uh, call me don.

And you are, uh... Nice try.

Okay, bender.

Bender, come on.

You can't do this. I'm a Servant of the people.

Just keep moving, all right?

Hey, hey, we've been Looking for you.

Hey, it's too late!

Miss neimier.

You want to stop Dawdling and get in here?

I've never been arrested before!

I don't know the procedure!

We have a right to Keep our homes safe!

Step over here and be quiet.

Mr. Roth, follow my voice.

Okay, okay! I'm Coming, I'm coming.

All right, you're now Entering the squad room.

I know. I've been here before.

Hey, listen, it's not legal

To have us come down Here, you know what I mean?

Woman: I don't have to Put up with anything!

Well, I guess that's lunch.

Um, excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I don't want to take it anymore!

Excuse me.

Yeah, you and what army?

Hey, hey, let's Just be quiet there.

Who's speaking?

I'm speaking. I'm The police officer.

I don't care who you are!

Wojo... What is this?

It's the court.

Hiya, captain. How are ya?

You remember bruno bender.

Oh, yes.

Always a pleasure, mr. Bender.

I'm getting the feeling That you don't like me.

And these people, I assume, are, uh...

This is stella neimier. She's the court reporter.

Will this take very long?

I got muffins in the oven.

I really couldn't Tell you, mrs. Neimier.

Mr. Leon roth, defense counsel.

Mr. Philip lucather, Prosecuting attorney.

Mr. Bender?

I'm the judge.

That figures.

Barn, you should See this operation.

I mean, they got a Jail in the basement,

They got a rec room Turned into a courtroom

With a jury box and a bench,

The american flag, Picture of nixon.

He's coming back, miller.

You see him at the Ballgame with gene autry?

He looked sensational.

Mr. Bender, according To mr. Rizzo here,

You tried him, You convicted him,

And you imprisoned him.

It was a fair trial, too.

Oh, yeah, with him as my lawyer?

I gave it my best shot.

Didn't it ever Occur to you people

That you're not Allowed to do this?

Now, hold it. Wait a minute.

We got a charter,

And that makes us the Neighborhood justice center.

Come on, show him The paper. Go ahead.

Looks official.

That's from the law enforcement Assistance administration

From the justice department.

You ever hear of them?

I'll have to check This out, mr. Bender.

In the meantime,

We're gonna need some more Information from all of you,

If you don't mind Finding seats...

Anywhere.

Here you go... Bruno.

Uh, mrs. Neimier...

Dietrich, you don't look busy.

Can't fool you.

Would you mind having A seat over there?

- what about my muffins? - park them over there.

Levitt, you want to take a Statement from mister, uh...

You don't remember me, captain?

Huh?

Roth.

Leon roth.

I can't hear shrugs!

I'm sorry, I'm afraid I Don't recognize you.

You arrested me for Shoplifting three years ago.

Oh, right, yes!

And you... You remember My roommate, mr. Lucather?

Sure. We evicted you!

Right, yes.

Sir, we could reminisce About the good old days

After the statement,

If it's all right with you?

Fine. Mr. Lucather, Would you step this way?

Hey. My lawyer show up yet?

I'm right here, danny.

Not you, my real one.

What? You're firing me?

Yeah.

But I'm still working On the appeal!

Well, I'm... I'm calling Because I'm, uh...

I'm... I'm in receipt of your, Uh, initial asking price,

And, uh, I...

I might be willing to, Uh, make a counter offer.

Did I say something funny?

Firm.

$137...

You know...

One might think that I-I-I would be entitled

To a certain amount Of consideration.

I have, after all, Lived in the apartment

For 15 years.

In those 15 years, I have paid rent

In excess of $50,000.

That might be a crumbled Cookie to you, but...

Look, I wouldn't Be so glib about it.

You know, one of these days

People are going To start standing up

And refusing to be pushed around

By the big Conglomerates like you

Whose only concern Is the almighty...

For god's sakes, can't You see where this is going

If it keeps up like this?

We'll have all the rich People living in manhattan,

All the poor people Living in the bronx.

The society will be Even more isolated

And alienated than it is now.

I don't want to hear Any legal technicalities!

Just give me a final word!

That was two words!

Bender.

What the hell's going On? What's happening?

It's no big deal.

Wojo: uh, excuse Me, can I help you?

Uh, yeah, I'm charles bogert,

Attorney for the law enforcement Assistance administration.

Are you captain miller?

Uh, no. I'll be right back.

So, uh, how are things Going in washington?

Just great.

It's all over for jimmy, huh?

Sure, nobody cared when He went to the ballgame.

Mr. Bogert?

I'm captain miller.

Captain, I'm afraid I'm A little bit confused.

So are we.

These people are part Of a community court,

Authorized and funded By the government.

Yeah, well, I'm Afraid your court

Has been conducting Criminal prosecutions,

Imprisoning people.

That can't be.

They were empowered

To arbitrate only Community grievances,

Resolve minor Disputes with neighbors.

That was boring.

Can we talk Somewhere in private?

This way, mr. Bogert.

Mr. Bogert?

I work for the government, too.

Yeah, uh, things Are tough all over.

What's the matter With people today?

You tell me.

Why is everyone Always in such a hurry?

I mean, why can't People ever take the time

To just stop and Count the flowers?

Who's the dullard?

Basically they're good people.

I guess they just got A little carried away.

Look, if you release Them in my custody,

I'll assume full responsibility.

I'm afraid it's not that Simple, mr. Bogert.

See, mr. Rizzo has filed a Complaint against them...

False imprisonment, Vi... Can I help you?

Do you want any Of this taken down?

Sorry, I thought she Was going for coffee.

Come on, stella. I'll Give you some shorthand.

Uh, look, captain,

These courts are Functioning very efficiently

In many, many communities,

And I'd hate to see one Unfortunate incident

Jeopardize the program.

I'm afraid there's Nothing I can do about it.

You know, captain,

This couldn't come At a worse time for me.

I've got many other Problems to handle.

I can say the same thing.

Look, I feel confident we Can work something out,

Arrive at a reasonable Solution to the problem.

Do you know anything About real-estate law?

What?

Can they do this?

Social security number?

Uh, 553-28-7524.

Unless they're lying.

Driver's license number?

Moot point. I'm sorry.

Hey, I drive on occasion.

Sure, you answer All of their questions.

Is that the dullard?

Yes, I'm with the Bureau of census.

No kidding.

You know, mr. Roth, It's even more essential

For handicapped People such as yourself

To participate in the census

So that you make sure The government knows

You're part of the country

And are entitled to your Share of attention and services.

Hey, a guy came to the Door just last week,

Said he was from the census.

I filled out the forms With him and everything.

Well, good for you!

Encyclopedias came yesterday.

You could get a Temporary injunction.

But that's a waste Of lawyer's fees.

Thanks anyway.

We leaving now?

I am.

What?

Well, there's Nothing more I can do.

Are you cutting us loose?

You'll have to suffer the Consequences of your actions.

That's not fair. I say We make a run for it!

All right, take it easy!

Captain, we were only Trying to make a place

Safer for us to live in,

And it was working.

Mr. Lucather, I Sympathize with you,

But if everybody went Around doing what you're doing,

In no time, we'd Have... No crime.

The point is, we've Got a judicial system

That we've got to Have a little faith in.

Barn, rizzo's bail ticket's Waiting downstairs.

Nice timing, huh?

Just turn him loose.

Have a seat, mr. Bender, Mrs. Neimier, please.

Captain, I've really Got to get out of here.

I know the feeling.

Good luck to you All. I'll keep in touch.

Oh, captain, about Your housing dilemma...

Yeah?

There is one other course Of action that occurs to me.

What's that?

Jersey.

Think about it.

- captain? - yeah.

I really appreciate your help.

Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, go ahead.

Hey, sorry I can't stay, guys.

But I'll see all you Folks at the trial...

You know, yours.

Get a haircut.

Come on.

That the best you could do?

Sir, I got their statements.

Okay, process them.

Okay, everybody, on your feet.

It's time for Pictures and prints.

Let's fall in.

Form a straight line.

Get in there.

We'll be moving down The rear corridor

And heading on down To the second floor.

Marines, huh?

Explorers.

Move out!

Okay, there'll be no talking,

No straggling, no Smoking in the stairwells.

Come on.

Uh, barney, they got Ganz' ticket downstairs.

Okay, send him home.

Oh, talk about humiliation.

Back so soon?

Two hours I was there.

I'm aware of that.

Didn't unload one copy.

We had a few problems Around here, too,

As a matter of fact.

Standing behind a Crummy card table,

People afraid to look at you,

Scared they might Have to buy a book,

Making u-turns In the aisles, barn.

People walking Past you like this.

I mean, I'm just not Accustomed to being ignored.

Excuse me.

Ganz: captain?

I just wanted to say goodbye.

Goodbye, mr. Ganz.

Actually, this day Wasn't a total loss.

I got to talk to a good Number of people up here.

Well, I'm... I'm glad You feel that way.

And I realized that The whole trick

Is in learning how to reach out

And really Communicate with people.

You're absolutely right.

I mean if we...

I don't think he was finished.

Hmm?

Sir, I just thought You'd like to know

That everyone's been processed

And sent down to Manhattan south.

Fine. Thank you Very much, levitt.

Something else?

It's in regard to your impending Loss of home and hearth.

I, uh, took the liberty Of perusing the paper

And circling some of The better prospects.

Levitt, I'm... I'm really Not in the mood.

My apologies, sir.

I didn't mean to Show my concern.

Uh, levitt...

Here, come on. Let Me take a look at it.

Yes, sir.

This is the obituaries.

An excellent source, sir.

And I might add, today's Crop passed away

In some of the better Neighborhoods around town.

I really don't think...

Of course, I would allow A day or two for mourning.

- levitt! - I'm on my way out, sir.