Original subtitles

Dietrich, what you doing?

You mean this?

Yeah.

It's a form of acupressure.

Your fingernails are Very vital pressure points.

Rubbing them can Stimulate hair growth,

Cure insomnia, Improve sexual potency.

Arthur...

I know we've had our Share of theoretical

And philosophical Disagreements in the past,

But... You're nuts, You know that?

That's certainly Another viewpoint.

Wojo's still out, huh?

Inside. There we go.

Too close to call.

What do you got?

This is, uh, gilbert lesco.

He robbed a liquor Store over on canal.

Hi, how are you?

Fine.

Got a real fried Banana here, barn.

Drugs?

No, thanks.

I think he's kind of Permanently slow on the uptake.

This is what he Used for the stickup.

Early 21st century, I'd say.

The clerk says that He's a regular customer,

And so everybody Just went along with it.

Me too.

He lives right next door.

I picked him up At his hotel room.

It's very convenient.

For us, also.

Funny.

Want me to call bellevue?

Check him out for priors first.

Starting with this planet?

Yep.

Okay, gilbert. Over here, sit down.

We're going to get Some more information,

And then you can Call your lawyer.

Yeah?

Yeah, you know a lawyer?

Perry mason.

Remember him? He was great.

Yeah. I think he retired.

Yeah... I guess After the accident.

Oh, uh, it's sort Of an exercise.

Really?

Yeah, it's kind of Like acupuncture.

You know, it Stimulates your body.

I got it.

Captain, we got an Assault in progress.

Take harris. He could Use the fresh air.

Dietrich, tell Barney what this is.

What?

You know!

That's funny.

Arthur!

Yeah. Gilbert lesco.

I appreciate it.

I called a lawyer.

Very wise decision.

Maybe I should have Ordered sandwiches.

Get thee right this way, please.

What?

Inside.

Levitt?

Mr. Caleb webber, Weavertown, pennsylvania.

Mugging victim over On houston street.

Excuse me.

Actually, sergeants harris And dietrich brought him in.

They stopped at the Desk for something.

I'd have been coming up anyway.

I hope you didn't mind.

It's okay.

There's no need to put my Name on the final report.

May we?

Two punks pulled knives On mr. Webber, barn,

In an alley just off houston.

Scalawags made Off with my purse, sir.

Scalawags.

He's amish, sir.

Thank you, levitt.

You know, captain, the People with the folksy ways.

Then they made sport of my garb.

That was uncalled for.

Uh, mr. Webber, I'm captain miller.

Are you in town On business, sir?

Sizing up the import Of a hay crimper.

Oh, been meaning to Price one of them myself.

Uh, we're really Sorry about all of this,

But, uh, these things happen.

Here.

Right.

Goodly number of Millers in weavertown.

Might you be of Amish stock yourself?

Uh, not to my knowledge, no.

Just as well.

You ain't got the Hands for farming.

Doughy... Like a woman's.

Want to have a seat Over there, mr. Webber?

We need some Further information...

Description of the Assailants, that sort of thing.

Shiftless band of rogues. That's what they were.

I'll take his statement, barn,

Have him look Through the mug books,

Check out some Known ne'er-do-wells.

Manpower reports.

Thank you, levitt.

An unfair appraisal, sir.

Excuse me?

Concerning your Hands being womanly.

Then, again, I've never Seen their women.

Telephone number?

Ain't got one.

Social security number.

Ain't got one.

- driver's license nu... - ain't got one.

Amish belief prohibits Any government affiliation,

Such as receiving Social security numbers.

It also prohibits the use Of any technological device

Unless it's in the bible, right?

Then you can't drive a car?

No automobiles In the bible, sir.

Or go on an airplane?

Not in the bible.

No movies?

No television?

No discos?

What can you people do?

Got 14 kids.

That's in the bible.

Yeah?

Barn, I checked Lesco for priors.

And?

The guy's a pro.

24 arrests, 3 convictions, And look what they're for.

Banks, the diamond Exchange, museum?

He was a real big-leaguer.

He seems to have Lost his fastball.

Well, the hotel he stays at,

I found out it's a halfway House for mental patients.

Oh.

Sort of a waldorf hysteria.

Well, harris does it.

Happy thanksgiving.

Isn't it?

Mr. Lesco.

Nice day, huh?

Very.

Mr. Lesco, we've been Reviewing your criminal record...

A lot of good stuff.

Very impressive...

Which is why we're A bit confused.

Me too.

Mr. Lesco, how long Have you been living

At the, uh, hotel?

You mean the nuthouse.

If you prefer.

I guess ever since The operation.

Operation?

I got an amygdalotomy.

Look out.

It's not pretty.

Amygdalotomy is a recent Neurological technique.

It's a more sophisticated Version of a lobotomy.

Electric current is introduced Through holes in the skull

To cauterize and Destroy nerve cells

In the limbic Region of the brain.

This enables the surgeon To alter or control

One or more aspects of behavior.

Anybody catch "Lucy" last night?

Beats the hell Out of this topic.

Uh, you mean they drill a hole?

Mm-hmm.

Uh, look, call the place.

See if there's anybody in Charge who can come down.

Right.

Shalom.

Howdy.

Oh, my goodness.

Arnold ripner. Still Attorney-at-law?

Afternoon, harris.

You come to see a client Or just hoping to get lucky?

I represent gilbert lesco.

There he is, laying over there.

Gilbert... You robbed A liquor store?

Slumming, huh?

Arnold.

Of course it's arnold.

I was pretty sure.

Look, I came as soon As I got your message.

I called as soon as I could.

Wojo: hey, arnold.

What did you do to him?

Nothing.

You must have Beaten him senseless!

He came that way.

What is it with you people?

The last time I came In, my client was dead.

This time he's a vegetable.

I thought you said You called an attorney.

Mr. Lesco says he Had an operation.

Operation? What do you mean?

It's kind of technical.

Well, what kind of operation?

An, um, um... Wing it.

I knew it was thanksgiving.

So the operation was when?

Oh, a while ago, I guess.

A year and a half?

I have trouble with dates.

Which you never Had before, right?

I've always had Trouble with dates.

Come on, cooperate.

Eight years I have Known this man

And never once has he Missed an appointment!

Getting clarified, arnold?

I didn't think this Could happen in america.

You're satisfied we're In no way responsible

For mr. Lesco's condition?

I think we are all Responsible, captain,

For allowing this to happen!

When I think of The irreversible...

Mutilation...

The pain and suffering, The loss of income.

You warming up for A lawsuit, arnold?

Damn right.

When I knew this man,

He was a vicious, Productive criminal!

Now he can hardly put Two words together, right?

Huh?

Hold that thought.

Good luck, arnold.

Funny, huh?

What's that?

It not being my fault.

Usually when things Blow up around here,

It's 'cause of something I did or something I said.

I'm right in the Middle of the mess.

Hey, this situation, you've Got nothing to apologize for.

It's got nothing to do with you.

Guess not.

I'm sorry. That's the way it is.

No luck?

No, sir.

Well, we'll keep your Information on file.

Other than that, You're free to go.

- sergeant harris? - yeah.

Healthy walk back to weavertown.

Ain't got no money, No train ticket.

Oh, you know anyone Here in the city?

No, thank you.

Well, why don't you call home,

Have someone wire You some money?

On that?

Yeah. On that.

No telephones in the bible, sir.

Isn't that just direct dialing?

Oh, hey, look,

I'm really trying to help you,

But you got to meet me halfway.

Say, 1900?

Look, consider it an emergency.

I suppose I could bend a little.

Good.

Do you know anybody Else who's got a phone?

Have a seat.

Can I help you?

I'm dr. Milton prentice.

And you're... A cop.

I understand you're holding A mr. Gilbert lesco here.

He's over there.

Well, thank you.

Part of the job.

Gilbert?

What's up, doc?

Who is this?

Dr. Milton prentice.

Prentice, the surgeon?

I would have come sooner,

But I had some things to Finish up at the hospital.

Picking up a few more dollars

In that chamber of horrors

You laughingly call An operating room?

I take it you're an attorney.

Arnold ripner. Mr. Lesco is my client.

He's my patient.

Right. The ice pick cometh.

Could we save the histrionics?

I will for court.

I should have known you Vultures in the legal business...

Vultures? Well, coming From dr. Demento...

Just one minute...

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Let's lighten up here.

I'll meet you in court!

Let's just take it easy, huh?

I didn't do it.

I'm captain miller, mr., uh...

Dr. Milton prentice. Mr. Lesco is under my care.

I see.

Captain, may I inquire as to Why mr. Lesco's being held?

He was arrested for robbery.

Oh, no, no, captain.

He doesn't do that anymore.

You mean he doesn't Get away with it anymore.

The man was a genius!

You've turned him into a Side dish, for god's sake!

The procedure Performed on mr. Lesco

Was psychologically imperative.

He was severely schizophrenic,

Subject to violent Outbursts of rage.

He also had Obsessive-compulsive tendencies

Which manifested themselves

In an uncontrollable Urge to steal.

A marketable skill.

All right, arnold.

Every other method was tried...

Thorazine, other Drugs, shock therapy.

This procedure was Simply the last resort.

It's "Cuckoo's Nest" all over again!

Yeah, I saw that.

I had raisinets.

Captain, if mr. Lesco could Be released into my custody,

I would assume Full responsibility.

What are you going to do...

Make a few more alterations,

Take in his lobes a little?

Now, the two of you, Let's just hold it down.

Doctor, there's still the Matter of the robbery charge.

Captain, to put Him back into jail

Would be signing His death warrant.

Mr. Lesco simply Couldn't survive there

In his present state Of... Tranquility.

Listen, you turn him Over to this... Maniac,

And I will hold not only you

But the entire police department

And the city of new york Personally responsible!

Wojo, have you Contacted the owner

Of the liquor store yet?

Uh, no, but maybe He's there now.

In the meantime, can we just Relax a moment, gentlemen?

Shall we go to neutral corners?

Thank you.

It's so noisy out there.

Glad you found refuge.

Got a problem with American gothic.

I take it you're Referring to mr. Webber?

Barney, he has no Way to get home.

He can't use the telephone, He won't send a telegram.

I mean, the man is Absolutely primitive.

There must be some way of Getting him back to pennsylvania

Without violating His religious tenets.

I mean, there's, uh...

I wish I had my own room.

Listen, I'm not going To be here forever.

You know, who knows?

Oh, hey, look, barney.

I mean, I wasn't talking About your office specifically.

Well, why not? I mean, you Know, if you make captain.

Ha. "If."

Hi.

Those plate-glass dandies Have been really raising cain.

Yeah, I just want To get out of here.

Got fields need tending, myself.

Fields? You a farmer.

Yep.

I'm not.

What's it like?

Hmm?

Farming?

Work hard... Up early, Milk the cows, bail some hay,

Maybe plow an acre or two.

Then what?

Breakfast.

I guess it keeps You pretty busy.

Don't like a lot Of lollygagging.

Yeah.

After a while, it Ain't that great.

Don't you understand?

Mr. Lesco had become incapable Of functioning anywhere

But in the back ward Of a mental institution.

We could have dumped him There. Instead, we tried to help.

Help? By turning his brain Into cerebral succotash?

Or maybe you think It would be better

Just to take him out and Put a bullet in his head.

Maybe it would!

No offense.

Yeah?

Oh, uh, uh...

I called the owner Of the liquor store,

And I explained an Amygdalotomy to him,

And he said they're not Going to press charges.

Then I'll just take Mr. Lesco along with me.

Haven't you been listening?

Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen.

Mr. Lesco, there's been A lot of discussion here

Back and forth.

Dr. Prentice wants to take You under his supervision.

Mr. Ripner obviously Has some other ideas.

Surely you must have Some feelings in the matter.

Huh?

What do you want to do?

I want to go to the farm.

Farm? What farm? What about the lawsuit?

What lawsuit?

Mr. Ripner thinks I've Injured you, gilbert.

Now, do you think that?

The way you are Now, are you unhappy?

No.

Good.

I'm not happy, either.

I'm not anything.

Mostly I'm just... Here.

Look, as it stands

My caseload is crushing.

So, for the time being,

I'll forget about Any legal action.

He wouldn't know what to Do with the money anyway.

But you,

You try and dig your way Back into that man's brain again,

And I will slap you with An injunction so fast,

It'll make your head spin!

And that I will do for free...

Because he's a friend of mine!

May I leave now, captain?

Appreciate your Cooperation, doctor.

Gilbert...

I'll drop by in a few Days to look in on you.

I meant we'll talk!

You know, captain...

I'm not some... Evil madman

Bent on destroying People's souls.

No one is judging you.

Very funny.

Listen, gil, you take Care of yourself.

Stay out of trouble, okay?

Thanks, arnold...

For whatever you Were doing here.

Sure.

Goodbye, captain.

For free, arnold?

Oh, yeah, well, I, uh...

I-I kind of got caught up In the heat of the moment.

Still, that was quite a gesture.

That's an opinion.

I mean, it might even Be described as... Noble.

Watch it! That could be slander!

Mr. Lesco, you're free to go.

Wojo, you want to give Him a run back to the hotel?

Sure.

If he's of a mind to, Captain, I'll walk him back.

Yeah.

That's mighty neighborly of you.

Sorry to have kept you so long.

Patient waiting is Often the highest way

Of doing god's will.

That's very wise.

Don't make the walk no shorter.

You won't have to walk Back to pennsylvania.

Got no choice.

Well, we'll be glad To lend you the...

Can't be beholden To no outsiders.

Not even a miller?

Okay, uh, can you Sign it right there?

Thanks.

Okay. Um...

What I said back there about You being better off dead,

I had no right.

Hey, I appreciate the interest.

Your $20 will be back next week.

- sergeant harris. - mr. Webber.

Give my regards to your family,

If you can find the time.

Mr. Lesco, are you ready?

Yeah.

You really get up Every morning at 4:30?

Rain or shine.

What about sleep?

Intermittent.

I'm going.

Guess our remedies ain't Quite progressed like yours.

Afraid you caught our Society on a bad day.

No need to apologize.

Just stay the hell away from us.

I think you can Kiss off the $20.