Original subtitles

It's monday. Why not?

Hello.

Hello.

Can you say hello? Hello!

- hello. - hello.

We'll talk later.

Who's the jailbird?

- a little obvious. - it's a little obvious.

- morning, guys. - hello.

Hey, I see you Met, uh, crackers.

Crackers?

You thought I was obvious.

I take it crackers Belongs to you.

Yeah.

Yeah, I got him this morning.

He's kind of cute, ain't he?

I also take it he is not A permanent addition

To our squad.

No, no, I'm gonna Take him home tonight.

Yeah.

I, uh, saw him in a pet-shop Window this morning,

And, uh...

I don't know, I just Had to have him.

That's not surprising.

People have been fascinated By exotic birds for centuries.

Chinese noblemen were so Enamored of these creatures

They let them fly Inside the palace.

Inspiration for egg-drop soup.

I'm walking.

I hope you and crackers Will be very happy.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, I figure a bird, You know, is no problem.

They don't get in your way.

They stay in their Cage, you know?

And, well, they Respect your privacy.

And they don't go Trying to change you.

Don't talk back.

Not yet.

Oh! What a beautiful morning!

Little hazy on the meadow.

Forget it.

You're in a good Mood this morning.

Purpose is our nexus...

The common thread that Binds our lives as one.

You know who said that?

I did.

In here.

My book about us... It's gonna be published.

Wojo: hey, all right!

You're kidding!

Thank you, barney.

I mean, congratulations.

That's quite a breakthrough.

Yeah.

Barn, if this book hits,

It's gonna mean a Paperback deal...

A magazine serialization, Movie version.

Of course, I'm gonna Be working here

At least through The end of the day.

I appreciate that.

No, no, I got it.

Barn? We got a jumper.

Some guy's trying To leap off a ledge.

All right, uh, you and dietrich.

Wojo, is that your parrot?

Yeah, I just got Him this morning.

Hey, hey, look, man, um,

I really didn't mean To one-up your bird.

You know, with my book and all.

It's okay.

He didn't want to Ruffle your feathers.

Maybe I'll do Better on the ledge.

Particularly amusing section?

Yeah, it's about you.

Really?

Oh, it's not at Your expense, barn.

It's just one of those Clever things you say,

You know, when you want Us to get back to work.

Good.

Then I don't have to come Up with something new.

Uh, back to work.

What happened To "Precinct diary"?

Oh, uh, the title?

Well, barn, they figured It needed something

A little less academic,

You know, a little More provocative?

"Blood on the badge"?

Catchy, huh?

Oh, barn, did you, uh...

Want to take a look At the dedication?

"To captain miller.

"Written with all The... Admiration

Befitting a respected superior And a truly good friend."

That's really nice.

Which is why I really Hate to bring this up.

Release?

Yeah, barn, it's Just a formality.

You know how publishers Worry about lawsuits,

Libel, defamation Of character...

Just silly little Things like that.

I'll be in my office.

I'll hold your calls.

Leave me alone! What did You have to stop me for!?

I wasn't drawing a crowd!

It's a fickle city.

I didn't ask anybody To save my life!

We don't require An invitation, mr., uh...

Walter elkins.

Mr. Elkins.

Yeah, uh, barn?

He was on a 12th-floor ledge,

And he was screaming and Waving a telephone around.

That's when we yanked him in.

A telephone?

I couldn't take it anymore.

I mean, my job... It Finally just got to me!

Mr. Elkins works as a Volunteer on a suicide hotline.

Really?

Until now.

All day, all night, They never stop calling.

"I'm so depressed, walter!"

"Nobody likes me, walter!"

"I'm such a schlump, walter!"

- mr. Elkins... - walter.

Walter... The last Straw was the lady.

She calls every Day. The same junk!

"Life is pointless. The world is sick.

People are better off dead."

I finally realized... She's right.

Come on, things are Never as bad as they seem.

Don't you think I've said that?

Uh, have a seat Over there, mr., uh...

Dietrich, you want to, uh...

Sit down over there, walt?

Look alive!

Might as well call bellevue.

Yeah.

It's crazy, though, huh?

I mean...

Guy wants to help people so bad

He ends up needing help himself.

Hmm.

Unfortunately,

A little compassion can Often lead to a lot of sorrow.

That's pretty good.

Appropriate.

A lot better than "Things Are never as bad as they seem."

I'll call bellevue.

Photographs, fingerprints.

You're wasting your Time on a dead man.

It's a slow day.

They've already drained Me of every human feeling.

I'm... I'm a zombie

Just trudging around On instinct alone.

"Night of the living dead."

What?

Classic horror film

Where the dead come Back to haunt the earth,

Eternally condemned To sustain themselves

By the eating of human flesh.

You don't scare me.

I'm still gonna kill myself.

Bon apetit.

- say, arthur. - yes.

- you got a minute? - sure.

I, uh, I assume you're Familiar with this.

Yeah, it's a standard Release form.

Yeah, everybody's Got to sign one.

It's, you know, Just a formality.

No, thanks.

Hmm?

I don't want to sign it.

Oh, what's the matter?

Oh, you, uh, want to Read the manuscript first?

No, I'm sure it's fine.

Then why won't you Sign the release?

It's personal. I'd Rather not discuss it.

Hey, look, man, if You don't sign it,

You know, I'm gonna have To cut you out of the book.

Okay.

Yeah, well, um, you know, It would be no great loss,

But, uh, I got some Publishers waiting.

Oh, that's too bad.

Well, I signed it.

Thanks.

I don't know how Personal he gets.

I've just been kind of Skimming through it.

But, uh...

I have already come across A few references to me that...

A less liberal-minded person Might consider unwarranted,

Even libelous.

You? He generally Refers to you as the...

"The captain's lovely lady."

No, I wouldn't sue Over that, either.

Uh... Liz?

I'll get... I'll Get back to you.

Yeah, I'll call you back.

Wojo?

He's dead.

In the cage?

Where else?

Wojo!

Not him.

Crackers.

Oh, thank god.

One minute he's chirping away,

And the next minute He's flat out on his back.

What does that mean? There's no warranty?

Well, you sold me A defective bird.

I don't know what went wrong.

No, he didn't say Anything before he died.

No, I didn't abuse him!

I didn't even get him Out of the squad room, I...

The squad room.

Yeah, that's Right, 12th precinct,

Right around the corner.

Listen, I want... Hello?

Hey!

Pbht!

No refund.

He told me to stuff it.

Taxidermy's one option.

Well?

Well, what?

What are you gonna do with him?

You can't just Leave him lying there.

What, you want me to dump him?

Well, I mean...

I know I only had Him a few hours, okay,

But I did get kind Of attached to him.

I'm sure you did, but...

I'd feel funny just Throwing him in the garbage.

I'm not suggesting that.

He's too big for the toilet.

Wojo!

You don't have to make The final arrangements

This very minute,

But I would appreciate It if you would make him

A little less conspicuous.

Gotcha.

Can I help you?

They told me downstairs that Mr. Elkins would be up here.

Yeah, he's over there.

May I speak to him?

Sure you can.

Oh.

Walter?

Hmm?

I don't understand.

How could you have Done something like this?

It goes against Everything you've ever said,

Everything you believe in.

Who the hell are you?

I'm myrna dunbar.

So?

We were talking on the Telephone earlier today.

Oh, god.

Schizo myrna?

Right.

We were having that Nice conversation.

Then, suddenly, I heard a scream.

And then they told me you Tried to jump off the building.

Was it something I said?

You want a cut of the royalties.

Is... Is that it?

Excuse me.

What is it with him?

He say anything to you?

My bird died.

It always happens.

Everything's going great,

And something's Got to screw it up.

Problems?

Dietrich. He won't Sign the release.

And I thought wojo Would be the problem.

That's certainly Dietrich's prerogative.

I, myself, am having A few difficulties...

If he doesn't sign it, barney,

I'm gonna have to write him out.

That's one solution.

Barn...

This is not easy for me to say,

But dietrich makes Two of my best chapters.

Sorry to hear that.

What is it you want of me?

Well, I-I thought You might, you know,

Have a few words with him.

Oh? And say what?

You know, the usual stuff.

You mean possibly Offer him some of my, um...

"Unique mixture of compassion, Logic, and perspective,

"Ladled out in liberal

And occasionally Ponderous portions"?

Barney, you're up to That chapter already?

Just caught my eye.

Barn, what I meant was...

Why don't you tell Dietrich what you told me...

Perhaps he'll sign.

I suppose.

Then that'll leave only one.

What did you do with the bird?

Is that today's paper?

I didn't read it yet.

Is someone going to get that?

I am.

Nobody answered.

Nobody ever knocks. May I help you?

They told me Downstairs I could find...

Hey!

Him.

What are you doing here, huh?

Come over to pawn off Another dead parrot?

Please, don't raise your voice.

I only came to settle.

Oh, yeah?

Whoa, whoa, what's Going on here?

This is the crook that Sold me a defective bird.

Wojo. Let's cut the insults.

Let him do what he wants.

Verbal abuse I can take.

But a dissatisfied customer Makes for very bad business.

What's this?

The money.

$225... It's all yours.

Now I'll just show myself out.

Hey, wait, wait, wait a minute.

It's not enough?

Yeah, sure.

No, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Oh, you'd like a few more Dollars for the inconvenience.

I understand.

No!

Oh, you want another bird!

Or maybe you'd Rather have a bunny?

Hold it, hold it, Hold it, hold it.

Mr., uh... Tragash, Samuel tragash.

Mr. Tragash, I'm captain miller.

A pleasure.

There seems to be some Misunderstanding here.

What's to be misunderstood?

He's entitled to the Money. He should have it.

Makes sense.

But didn't you tell Sergeant wojciehowicz

You didn't give refunds?

Oh, that was before.

Before what?

Before I knew he was a Preferential customer.

Mr. Tragash, does this Have anything to do

With the fact that Sergeant wojciehowicz

Is a police officer?

Heavens, no, that's Just a happy coincidence.

So you just thought it over

And decided it was the Right thing to do, right?

My very thoughts.

Just somehow I'm Getting the impression

That you think if you don't Give sergeant wojciehowicz

That money, something's Gonna happen to you.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Sure is.

Mr. Tragash, have A seat, will you?

There are people who Know I've come here.

You're the one person Who's kept me going

These last few months.

And now you try And kill yourself.

I feel responsible.

Oh, it's nothing to do with you.

Not at all?

Don't worry about it.

I worry about everything.

I know.

I mean, there's so Much desolation...

I'm really not in The mood, myrna.

I was just reading this Article about the boat people.

Oh, please!

When I think about those Poor people drifting

Like flotsam and jetsom...

Nobody wanting them.

Don't do this.

I can't help realizing

The meaninglessness Of our existence,

The utter emptiness And desolation of life.

Myrna... The inevitable doom...

Oh, for god's sakes, hang up!

Just relax a Moment, mr. Tragash.

I'll get you a cup of coffee.

Look, I can see you Fellows are busy.

I'll just get out of your hair.

Take just a moment.

I'm only making problems.

Would you wait a minute?

I'll show myself out.

- freeze! - oh, god!

Mr. Tragash, we just Can't let you leave like this.

Exactly how do you mean that?

I mean under a completely Mistaken impression.

Oh, really?

Look, I know how You guys operate.

Hmm?

A citation for this, A citation for that,

A little rough stuff, and The next thing you know,

I'm out peddling pencils.

You're crazy!

Okay.

Mr. Tragash,

Have you even had any Experience like that before?

I mean, have any of my men, Or anyone from this precinct,

Ever harassed or Brutalized you that way?

Well, no.

But you see, I moved to The city only recently.

From where?

Philadelphia.

- oh! - oh!

And the way he yelled At me on the phone...

But I always do that!

I mean, I wasn't Yelling at you as a cop.

I was yelling at You as a person.

I see.

We just want to be treated Like human beings around here...

Not any better And not any worse.

- really? - really.

Then I'll take back the money.

- thank you. - you're welcome.

Good day, gentlemen.

Something went wrong there.

I don't mean to depress people.

I guess it's just a gift I have.

Sure.

You know, whenever I call the hotline,

I always ask for You, specially...

Even if I have to wait.

I'm flattered.

And sometimes I call

Even if I'm not depressed.

Really.

Just to talk to you...

Because I think you have So many appealing qualities.

Yeah?

I mean, I think you have

A wonderful sense of the ironic.

Like this, for instance.

Thanks.

Walter, we're going soon.

They're taking me to bellevue.

Oh, they have a very Nice brunch there.

Anyway, uh...

I want to apologize for Yelling at you before.

Actually, I really Appreciate you coming down.

I guess I better go now.

But...

Here.

What is it?

My phone number.

I mean, if you're ever Feeling really down,

You can call me.

I'm usually there... 24 hours.

I'll remember that.

Goodbye.

So long.

Remember to behave yourself.

Don't do anything I'd do.

That's my sense of the ironic.

Nice lady.

Yeah.

Who knows?

When all this blows over, Maybe I'll give her a call.

Yeah, it would be a Good jumping-off point.

Hey, listen, as long as We're all being ironic.

Taking him over To bellevue, huh?

Yeah, fascinating Character if you do a sequel.

Uh, dietrich?

Yeah.

I...

I need you.

For my book.

Oh, really?

You do lend a certain texture And wit to the narrative,

And, uh... In fact, man...

Your character's One of the best things

In the whole damn book.

That's very nice Of you to say...

Finally.

Hey, look, man,

Sometimes I get so wrapped Up in myself and my own goals,

I-I-I tend to just, you know,

Forget about other people's Needs and expectations.

So where do I sign?

Oh, right here.

Well, I see you gentlemen Have come to an accord.

Uh-huh.

It's better when Personal differences

Can be settled directly

Without the need for Third-party intervention.

Yeah, you get to avoid all That "Ponderous" advice.

Just quoting.