Original subtitles

Mail call, gentlemen! Harris.

Thank you.

Dietrich.

Levitt.

Wojciehowicz.

Captain.

- levitt. - sir?

Levitt, you are aware

That manpower Requirements fluctuate?

Pardon me, sir?

Oh, I take it you're referring To my uniform status today.

It is my job to assign people

Where I feel the Need is greatest.

Of course.

It's just that I heard

That sergeant dietrich had Been assigned mugging detail.

And what with him in a dress,

I figured I should Be in plain clothes.

I'm afraid we're just gonna Have to do without him.

I understand.

Sir, it's just that, When I'm up here,

It's almost like I'm a Different person...

Respected, making A contribution.

Down there, it's hour after hour

Of mindless, boring drudgery.

It's something you're gonna Have to learn to deal with...

For the time being.

Sir, that's the Real carl levitt.

Would you see That he gets his mail?

Morning.

Good morning, arthur.

What do you got in The box there, huh?

Want to see my dress here?

Huh?

I pulled mugging duty.

I know.

So, what do you think?

Ohh.

I didn't know you were Into chiffon, arthur.

Oh, I am. It feels Good on my body.

Uh, I got some stuff To do downstairs.

- you want to see my shoes? - no, thanks.

Well, I value your opinion.

Look, I'm sure you're Gonna look very chic.

Hey, stop with the needling.

Can I help you, father?

I'm not a priest.

They told me downstairs...

What's the getup for?

I'm a brother...

Brother thomas kelvin, Order of st. Dismas.

Oh, um, well, what Can I do for you?

Well, it's about A missing person.

His name is joseph hutton.

You see, I was bringing this...

Excuse me, I just got To file a couple things,

And then I can get Right with you, all right?

All right.

You can have a seat Over there... Brother.

Oh. Thank you.

Oh, good morning, father.

I'm not a priest!

- I'm sorry. - I'm not!

I'm a brother...

Brother thomas kelvin, Brothers of st. Dismas.

We have a small monastery Upstate in the adirondacks.

How do you do? I'm captain miller.

Oh, how do you do?

Maybe you've had our wine.

Uh... Uh... What seems To be the problem?

Well, it's one of Our novitiates.

He's disappeared.

You see, I was bringing a Group of these young men

Up to the monastery,

And we had to lay Over here for the night.

When I awoke this Morning... He was gone.

Perhaps he just went Out to see the sights.

No, I don't think so.

You see, he knew we Had a train to catch.

Wojo, you want to handle this?

I was.

Oh, continue.

I was just finishing Up some filing, barn.

Have a seat, brother.

Uh, listen, I didn't mean to...

Take over?

The man engaged Me in conversation...

But, barn, listen,

If you keep coming Out and jumping in there

And showing us how to do it,

We're never gonna get to Learn to be good cops ourselves.

I...

You got to back off, Barn. Give us a crack at it.

Well, sure, I-I understand that.

Barn, we just want a chance

To take the load off Your shoulders, you know?

Let us handle the simple Little things that come in here,

And you can take care of the Complex stuff in your office.

I'll go back in my office.

This is a recent Picture of joseph.

Uh, but the thing I'm Trying to get to, brother,

Is that we can't do Anything, officially,

Until a person's been Missing for over 48 hours.

Now, unless there's Evidence of foul play...

But I think there is. I Think he might be kidnapped.

- kidnapped? - yes.

Excuse me.

Why kidnapped?

Why not?

Well, who would Want to kidnap him?

His parents, deprogrammers, Anti-cult fanatics.

But you're the catholic church.

Are we?

We're just the Nuts up on the hill.

Huh.

Well, why don't You just take it easy

And catch your breath there.

Uh, barn?

Yeah?

Brother thomas here thinks That this joseph was snatched up

By someone who wants to Keep him out of the monastery...

Like parents or deprogrammers.

Deprogrammers?

I did see some Suspicious-looking characters

In the lobby.

So I'm going to go down

And show this picture Around the neighborhood,

And maybe I can Turn something up.

Excellent idea.

Unless you have some Other suggestions.

No, no, no.

Excuse me, should I be looking Through your crime albums?

Mug books?

- mug books, yes. - that may not be necessary.

I'm afraid my verbal Skills are a bit rusty.

At the monastery,

We don't speak unless It's absolutely necessary.

Same here.

Dietrich: captain?

I don't want to bother you With every little problem,

But, uh, I need your Advice on something.

Certainly.

What do you think... Burgundy or wheat?

Very amusing.

No, I'm serious.

Well, the wheat is nice. I'd have to see the dress.

Well, I'll tell you,

Actually, I'm leaning Toward the burgundy.

Being a bright color, Psychologically,

It's more provocative, more Likely to trigger a reaction.

That's true.

It also brings out my Eyes, don't you think?

Oh, good morning, inspector.

Men.

- ah, inspector. How goes it? - barney.

Well, I guess it was For the best, huh?

What's that?

Oh, I guess you Didn't get the word.

Got a phone call last night

From the nursing Home up in vermont.

Brownie?

Ol' brownie passed away At approximately 7:32 a.M.

Last sunday, the 12th.

- sorry. - yeah. Right.

Our condolences.

I guess it was For the best, huh?

You know, there he was, just Laying there all them years

Like a turnip or a... Cucumber?

Mm.

And he said something Just before he died.

What was that?

Who the hell knows, barney?

You couldn't Understand a word he said.

Just a lousy shame, though,

That he had to go Like that, you know?

Laying there so nice, a Little smile on his face...

So peaceful.

I remember when Him and me... Brownie...

First went into uniform Together, you know?

Some of the gags... Some of The stunts he used to pull on me.

That sweet old redhead.

And his...

I'm sorry.

Sorry, barn.

Guess you young fellows got Something more important to do

Than to listen to us old-timers

Rehash ancient history, right?

Eh? Sure.

So, come on, barn. We'll talk in your office.

Remember forrester? Huh?

Boom! Blew him Up in his car... '63.

Kleiner, kleiner...

They gunned him Down, 34th street... '72.

Now old brownie.

Three down, one to go.

Inspector, that kind Of talk is just foolish.

Kid...

You're in my will, barney.

Inspector, I really Don't think that...

It ain't a fortune, I know.

But it's nothing to be Sneezed at neither, barney,

You know, because You get my insurance,

You get my pension benefits...

Some studebaker stock.

Inspector...

I'd like you to have some of my Personal effects, too, barney.

My revolver... The old badge...

Nice elgin watch.

Ring from delahanty's.

Inspector,

Surely there must be some More worthy beneficiary.

You mean like a charity?

What, so they can Spend it on some disease?

Well, how about the police Fund or some youth project?

Barney, wait a minute.

You're talking like you Don't want me to do this.

No, no, no, no. I'm Really flattered.

As you know, I have no Descendents, barney.

And it's no secret that I Always thought of you

As being more than Just a... An underling.

I thought you might like To have a few mementos

Of the old inspector's.

Oh, well, certainly. I-I-I really would.

No, no. Forget it, barney.

You don't want to be Saddled with all that junk.

No, no, no. I didn't say that...

I'll just dump it in The garbage, barney.

There's no need to Humor me, barney.

Inspector, I really Please, forget it...

Inspector, I want them!

In time, barney.

In time.

You being helped, brother?

I'm not a...

Say, who told you I was a brother?

Nobody.

Well...

Oh, uh, I was Taught by brothers.

Oh, really?

Yeah, my high school Was run by jesuits.

Oh, yes. A fine Order, the jesuits.

A little flashy.

I mean, I'm sure you have some Fond memories of the jesuits.

No.

Any luck, sergeant?

No, I'm afraid not.

He may have left The state already.

Brother thomas, why Don't you sit down here?

We're doing everything That we can do, okay?

We've got an a.P.B. Out on him,

And we've got his picture spread All around the neighborhood,

So, please, just relax.

All right.

It's me... Dietrich.

Oh, my. What a surprise.

Uh, excuse me.

You got to see this.

Captain, you approve?

You going out right now?

No, I have to check My face. Pardon me.

What the hell was that?

Dietrich pulled mugging duty.

You gonna let him go Out like that, barney,

In broad daylight?

The muggers will laugh Him right out of the park.

Barney, he looks Worse than fish.

Let's not get brutal about this.

12th precinct. Levitt.

Right. Got it.

Captain, it's a call From the durham hotel.

Someone spotted Your missing monk.

Um... I'll take levitt.

Yeah, fine.

See you later.

Dietrich, can I see you In my office for a minute?

Well, they're expecting me.

This won't take long.

Sure. I'm just a girl Who can't say no.

Have a seat, dietrich.

I suppose you're wondering Why I called you in here.

Well, I hope it's business.

I'm having second thoughts About sending you out like that.

I don't mind. I know mugging Detail's part of the job.

I'm looking at it from the Point of view of the mugger.

What do you mean?

I mean, let's face it.

You just don't Look like a woman.

No one's ever told Me that before.

I don't mean it as an insult.

It's just that, Candidly, you look, uh...

Ridiculous!

Well, maybe I'm Over-accessorized.

I don't think That's the problem.

Look, let's face it,

This detail calls for Certain minimum requirements.

Not everyone is suited...

Hey, you don't owe Me an explanation.

If you feel that I look Ludicrous, you have to say it.

I'd rather you heard It from me than from...

Someone who Might not be so kind.

Appreciate it.

Okay.

Okay, don't worry. I'll go change.

Uh... Listen, I'm Sorry about this.

Oh, hey, nothing To be sorry about.

You know, maybe if I Took off my glasses.

Well, I mean, it's somewhat...

Captain? That still you?

Do you know that sometimes I actually get the urge

To chuck all this

And come join up with Some guys like you?

It's a very rewarding life.

You get up at dawn...

Have some time for Some quiet reflection...

Work all day in the sunshine...

A simple meal at sunset...

Maybe even have time to Copy a good book at night.

Well, it's certainly refreshing

To meet someone who has some Empathy for the brotherhood...

Someone who Understands the difference

Between the brotherhood And the priesthood.

Absolutely. I Mean, I certainly do.

I mean, it's strictly a case Of two separate vocations.

Some are called one Direction, others another.

Why, sure. I mean, not Everybody can make it as a priest.

I knew you were Thinking that! I knew it!

No, no, I just meant that...

That's what all You kids love to say.

Well, it doesn't bother me.

No reason why it should.

Sure, they get all The glamour stuff...

Saying mass, hearing Confessions, running bingo.

But I want to tell You something...

That's not the whole enchilada.

Okay, I've got some Important stuff I have to do.

This way, son.

Joseph!

Uh, are you all right?

So-so.

Listen, if I'd have known The kid was a monk,

I wouldn't have gone near him!

Would you just calm down?

I break laws, not commandments.

Captain, this is joseph hutton.

This is captain miller.

Say hello.

Hi.

I'm glad to see we, Uh... Found you intact.

Picked him up at the hotel.

He was just going into the Room with miss strauss here.

You got something Against young love?

Sit down over there, will you?

Joseph, is this true?

Well, we were just Going up there to talk,

Maybe look at the Bible, that's all.

I'm cloistered... I'm not stupid.

Sir, he used this credit Card to pay for the room

And the room service.

Uh, thank you, levitt.

I'll be downstairs, sir,

In case the manpower Requirements fluctuate again.

Thank you, levitt.

This seems to be yours, brother.

You stole this from me, joseph?

I didn't really Consider it stealing.

It's just that, last night,

When I saw it lying there among The other religious articles,

I... I took it as sort Of a sign from god.

Don't push it, joseph.

This is evidence.

You see, very soon,

I'm gonna be renouncing All worldly enticements.

I just wanted a little Extra to renounce.

You caused some people Unnecessary worry.

I didn't mean to. I just Lost track of time.

What were you doing all night?

Just walking, taking a Final look at the world.

I played one last Game of pinball.

I had one last hot dog.

I take it that's where Miss strauss comes in.

Okay, hutton, sit Over here, all right?

We got a lot of Information we have to get.

I want to call my lawyer.

Phone right over there.

I don't have one.

As you were probably informed,

If you do not have an attorney,

You will be provided with One at no cost to yourself,

And the arresting Officer will be very happy

To assist you in that endeavor.

I will be in my office.

What'd he say?

Just relax, okay?

Okay.

I must tell you, joseph, I'm greatly disappointed.

But nothing happened. There wasn't time.

Well, then perhaps you've Learned your lesson.

There wasn't time.

Go ahead.

Go ahead, make some Jokes. I understand.

Hey, look, man, I mean, There's nothing to joke about.

It's not that big a thing.

I guess not.

You said everybody else Was able to handle the duty.

I couldn't do it.

So what?

When I remember how Lovely you looked...

I can't help feeling inadequate.

Hey, look, man, don't start Comparing yourself with me.

It'll just make you crazy.

Yeah, okay. Thanks A lot. Appreciate it.

- uh, brother thomas? - yes.

I talked to the hotel And explained it to them,

And they go no problems To run a credit card if...

Well, I don't.

Okay, well, then, I guess You can make your train.

I can?

Does that mean I can Get out of here already?

Yeah, you can get Out of here already.

I'm sorry for the inconvenience.

You should be very Thankful, joseph.

I'm blessed.

Listen, take care of yourself.

Look, I'm really Sorry about all this.

Forget it.

I mean, I put you to a lot Of trouble for nothing.

Hey, it probably would have Been for nothing anyway.

Really?

So, listen, if you ever come Back to the city, look me up.

I'm in the book... The telephone book.

Oh, thanks.

So long. Be a good monk.

Joseph, we have A train to catch.

Already?

Sergeant, I'd like to Thank you for everything.

Uh, sure.

Come on, joseph.

If we hurry, we can Just about make it.

Uh...

I forgot. I can't Let him go just yet.

Well, I thought you said There wasn't any problem

With the credit card.

Uh, there's not,

But, uh, I have to check Him for prior arrests.

But he's never Been in any trouble...

Oh, it's regulations. Right, captain?

Okay.

But I've got all the Other young men

Waiting back at the hotel.

I can take a later train.

Yeah, uh, right.

I'll check him out and Then see that he gets on it.

Well, I guess that's The way it'll have to be.

Okay. Sit down.

Joseph, I'll look forward to Seeing you at the monastery.

Oh, sergeant harris,

I want to apologize for Being a little heated earlier.

See, I...

Hey, look, that's okay. I mean, I understand.

You know, we all have our Little paranoid obsessions.

Right.

Well, goodbye.

Sergeant. Captain.

Brother.

So long, brother.

Well, I'm just gonna check Him for priors and let him go.

Fine.

You'd have done the same Thing yourself, right?

Probably not.

No?

Well, I guess he's Lucky he got me.

Move.

Look, I really appreciate this.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, uh, listen, dietrich, I Was checking the schedule.

I noticed there's another Mugging detail next week...

Oh, yeah?

At night.

Appreciate the gesture.

Well, I know how you feel. I've pulled that detail myself.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah. I can tell you, I was no grace kelly.

Can you picture Me in a chanel suit

And a matching pillbox hat?

Of course, I didn't have The mustache at the time.

Oh, inspector, we were wondering Where you had disappeared to.

Hmm?

Ah, I've just been Moping around, barney,

Revisiting some of me and Brownie's old haunts, you know?

Lineup room, interrogation cell.

Brought back some fond memories.

Yeah.

Sure.

Uh...

Would you like to Continue our conversation?

Nah, it's okay, barney.

Look, barney, I've been Coming up here for years,

Chewing off your Ear in the office there,

Telling you the same Old stories time again.

You just sit there And nod and smile,

Make believe like You're listening to me.

No, that's not true.

Do you want to know Something, barney?

I don't give a damn.

So, what do you say? Come on.