Original subtitles

Morning.

Morning.

One day I'm in plain clothes.

The next day, back in uniform.

You know, it can get confusing.

I wouldn't know.

Sometimes I think the Captain gets a kick out of it,

Moving me around, making Sure I don't get too secure.

Morning.

Morning, sir.

Oh, are you with Us this week, levitt?

I believe so.

All right.

You see?

Dietrich and harris still Out on that robbery call?

I, uh, guess so.

I was hoping everyone Would be here

So I would only have to Explain this chart one time.

Oh, starting a detectives' Bowling league, sir?

It's a vacation Schedule, levitt.

Uh, you remember last Year we kind of let it slide

With all the attendant problems?

I would just as soon we all Selected our two weeks right now.

Right this second?

No, not right this second.

You can't just grab A date out of the air.

I realize that...

You got to figure out Where you're gonna go...

And then, uh, who You're gonna go with

And whether she can get off.

It must be quite a problem.

I'm used to it.

I know what he means.

And I'm telling you, it's A total waste of gas.

Don't tell jimmy.

What happened?

Barney, look... I'm not Going back out there again

Unless I can get me Some guarantees.

- what happened? - nothing.

Another false alarm. We got To the liquor store, no robbery.

Clerk couldn't tell us nothing.

Ah, that must be what?

Fifth call, last Two days, same area.

Barn, you go out on a Call, you know, the, uh...

Adrenaline starts pumping, The excitement's building,

And then suddenly, It's all over.

Sort of police-us interruptus.

It's latin humor.

There hasn't been a great demand

The last couple of centuries.

I wouldn't be too Casual about this.

We still don't know What kind of individual

We're dealing with here.

I do.

Uh, excuse me. I heard All this in the car.

Could be a schizophrenic Acting out involuntary impulses.

An individual rebelling Against societal authority.

Yeah, or it could be Some cheeseburger

Waiting to drill a Few rounds into a cop.

I was hoping to Ease over that one.

Those two uniforms that Got shot at last week, right?

I mean, this could Be the same guy.

There are also those Gang incidents uptown.

Well, we certainly can't rule Out the possibility of ambush,

So let's act accordingly, huh?

What's that address again?

1372?

1327.

Yes, I've got it.

Captain?

A disturbance at the Clayton medical building.

Sound legitimate?

She sounded genuinely terrified.

Good.

Wojo. You and levitt.

Let's go.

I think the captain's Got another side to him

We don't see.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, a side that's not So nice and compassionate.

You just noticed that?

Everybody has a less-attractive Side to his personality.

A darker, malevolent presence That surfaces from time to time.

Captain's no different.

Sort of like a Dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde?

Exactly.

Keep your distance After he has his coffee.

Heard anything on The false-alarm case?

I'm checking out some Of the gang members now.

Oh. Any possibilities?

Nah.

Most of them are either In jail or doing films.

Oh, uh, by the way, you, uh,

You did notice the Vacation chart up?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I'm in the process of Finalizing my reservations now.

Good.

Two beautiful weeks Whooshing down the slopes

Of one of the most Exclusive ski resorts

In the western hemisphere.

Oh? Where you going?

Jackson.

Mississippi?

Wyoming, barney.

Oh! Oh, okay.

It's up in the grand Tetons, up in the mountains.

Yeah, I got it.

Mississippi.

I apologize.

Oh, hey, you Know, you don't ski.

No reason why You should know it.

What makes you Think I don't ski?

Well, I...

Just assumed it.

All right, all right. Inside, compadre.

This is the last thing I Will ever ask you for.

Drop it, leo.

Sure, that's okay for you!

Hey! Hey! Pipe down, will you?

Okay, okay. What do we got?

- frank and leo rossman. - brothers?

It wasn't my idea.

They were engaging In mutual assault

In a doctor's waiting room.

Uh, when we got there, Barn, mr. Rossman, here,

Had mr. Rossman, Here, in a hammerlock.

He won't take no for an answer.

Why should I? He's got two!

Why can't I have one?

One what?

Kidney.

Mr. Rossman, leo Has a kidney disease,

And he needs a transplant.

And frank is the perfect donor.

His brother won't give him one.

I see.

"I see."

- I caught the tone of that. - what?

The chagrin. The moral disgust.

You have already condemned me!

Mr. Rossman, this is Purely and simply a case of...

Disorderly conduct

And destruction of Private property, sir.

Thank you, levitt.

Sure.

Whether or not your Brother gets your kidney

Does not concern me.

Not at all?

Uh, wojo, would you just Take mr. Rossman's statement?

Yeah, sure, barn.

Here, sit over here.

Don't judge my Brother too harshly.

He's been under a Considerably strain.

Stop playing the martyr!

I forgive you, frank.

Levitt, uh, you take this Mr. Rossman's statement.

Yes, sir. Step over to the desk.

Empty your pockets of all items.

You've got one telephone Call. I'd make it a lawyer.

Hmm?

Sit down.

You know, it's, uh... It...

It's not easy finding A good match.

I mean, I-I'm glad my Blood type is "A" positive.

A lot of people Have that, you know.

Yeah.

Oh, you, too?

Um... Yeah.

Uh... Business address?

Unemployed.

But the hard part is, uh,

Matching the tissue Types so that the, uh,

Kidney is compatible And it won't be, uh,

Rejected by the body's defenses.

You know, my Brother... They, uh...

They gave him the test, And he was perfect.

Then all of a sudden, he just Changed his mind and said no.

Uh, he's got a right, I guess.

Oh, yeah.

You got a brother?

Yeah.

Would you do it for him?

Uh, why don't we Just go on with this?

I mean, if he needed something

To give him his life back

And you could give It, wouldn't you do it?

Yeah, I suppose I would.

Well, I-I guess you're Familiar with the saying...

We're all brothers Under the skin.

Hey, man, what is this?

"December 2nd Through 15th, a. Dietrich."

That's me.

Hey, man, this is the two Weeks when I'm going skiing.

- oh, gee, I'm sorry. - hey, that's okay, arthur.

I'm just glad we Caught it in time.

I'm afraid I can't change it.

Why not?

My plans are already set.

Why do you have to Have these two weeks?

The 4th to the 15th is the annual Wolfgang goethe festival.

Time again for that already?

Each year, goethe aficionados From all over the world

Come to pennsylvania dutch Country for 10 days of lectures,

Discussions, and Workshops on his writings,

Concluding with a Performance of goethe's "Faust"

In the original german.

That's it?

And all the Pretzels you can eat.

Look, dietrich. Man, I...

I was very, very lucky to Get this reservation, man,

And I... I mean, you know,

I just hate to kind Of miss out on it

Just because of Some silly little mix-up.

Sure, I can understand that.

I mean, I've been looking Forward to going to this place

For a long time, you know?

I mean, it's an opportunity

To get away from the Suffocation of the city,

Breathe some clean air,

Get a fresh Perspective on things.

I can dig it.

Arthur, I want this time.

I mean, I need this Vacation very much, man.

I mean, I-I... I'd sell My soul for it.

I thought you looked familiar.

Is that a no?

Yeah.

Look, man, I told you.

The reservations Are hard to come by.

- jackson, wyoming. - I cannot go any other time!

Gentlemen, gentlemen!

Is there a problem?

I don't have one.

He stole my time. What?

The possessive Pronoun is debatable.

Barn, he's blowing my whole Vacation. It's unavoidable.

I take it there's a, uh, Scheduling difficulty?

Barn, I told you about My beautiful skiing trip.

Ask him where he's going.

Harris, that's really None of my business.

Please, just ask him.

Where are you going?

Over there. I'll be right back.

Barn, he is going to a goethe Festival in pennsylvania.

Yeah?

Philosophy and pretzels, huh?

You been to it?

Captain, got a call in On a grocery holdup.

Dispatch checked It out. It's a fake.

Same block as the Ambush last week.

Let's not take any chances. I Want you to break out weapons.

I want a full flight of uniforms In case you need a backup.

Barn, I have been Scrimping and scraping

For this vacation all year.

Harris, we'll take care of it!

I'm gonna end up In the catskills!

Isn't it wonderful How petty differences

And personal problems Are set aside and forgotten

In the face of true crisis?

I suppose.

Look, man, I don't want You to think this, uh...

Vacation thing is settled.

Now, listen, the two Of you. No heroics.

I don't want either of you to Take any unnecessary risks.

Right.

Uh, maybe you should go first.

Huh?

Uh, sir, I finished processing Rossman, franklin.

Here's a copy of the report For perusal at your leisure.

Good work.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, levitt, have you, uh... You Selected your vacation time yet?

No, sir.

Actually, I hadn't Planned on taking one, sir.

I may work straight Through the next few years.

That's very commendable, levitt,

But I'm afraid the city Cannot afford that.

I wouldn't be averse To donating my time, sir.

Levitt, you work very hard.

You deserve a chance to Relax and enjoy yourself.

Is that mandatory, sir?

It's not a question Of mandatory.

It's just common sense.

All work and no play.

Yes, sir?

Makes jack a dull boy.

If you say so, sir.

All right, levitt, What's the problem?

The problem, sir?

Kramer, kogan, Lefkowiz, zatelli.

Those guys in uniform,

All they think about is Getting up here in my place.

Levitt, you're Exaggerating the situation.

Do you have any idea how much

They would like to be Wearing this suit, sir?

I wouldn't even hazard a guess.

I cannot risk a vacation, sir.

Look, levitt, you've, uh...

You've been around Here long enough

To have established Your credentials,

Your... Your value to the squad.

I'd like to think so, sir.

You're a good cop.

You should not worry about Someone usurping your position

Just because you're gone For a couple of weeks.

- thank you, sir. - I mean it.

I guess I just needed A little reassurance

From someone I respect.

You know, take a couple of Weeks, go away somewhere.

Have a good time. Enjoy yourself.

You job will be here When you get back.

May I take that as a Verbal contract, sir?

Your personal word. I understand, sir.

I'll consult my calendar, sir.

You do that.

The body only needs One kidney to function.

Did you know that?

No, I... No, I didn't. Could I?

Oh, yeah, sure. The other one's

So much excess baggage.

A person would almost Be lucky to get rid of one.

Inside.

Of course I was only Speaking hypothetically.

Well, speaking Hypothetically... Yeah?

What happens if, uh...

A person donates a kidney

And then something happens To the one that's left?

You got a brother.

For god's sakes, Leave him alone.

All right, come On. Right this way.

Personally, I think the Shotguns were a little too much,

But better too Much than too little.

Our sentiments exactly.

This is our false alarmist?

Blows every theory I had.

Abner gilman... Captain miller.

You should be very Proud of your officers.

I am.

This is the joker who was Playing dialing for detectives.

Mr. Gilman, you were responsible For those phone calls?

It was well worth it.

It appears mr. Gilman Was in the market

For a safer neighborhood.

He was conducting his Own police-comparison test.

Shop around.

That's what bess myerson says.

Uh, barn, he was logging Our response times.

6 minutes, 20 seconds.

Almost a minute Off your old record.

Well, we had the wind with us.

Mr. Gilman, this was a Very stupid thing to do.

Stupid?

Captain, don't Think for a second

That this is some foolish Prank of an old man.

This is a carefully Conducted scientific study.

I not only collected Response times,

But I also observed Officers' performances,

Evaluating each one On a scale from 1 to 10

For various categories.

Here, take a look.

Here, right here.

Here. This is sergeant harris.

Look.

Barney: "Attitude... 7.

"Behavior under stress... 8.

"Personal appearance... 6?

Thoroughness and Professionalism... 10."

"Personal appearance... 6"?

Ah, the man wears a fedora.

Mr. Gilman also made similar Calls to fire departments,

Paramedic units, a couple Of pizza joints on bleecker.

I hate it when the pizza Comes cold, don't you?

Mr. Gilman, your little Shopping expedition

Was not only annoying

And a tremendous Waste of manpower,

But could also have Endangered the lives of people

Who were in genuine Need of our assistance!

What a nice speech.

It's sort of his hobby.

All right, we're gonna need Further information, mr. Gilman.

Just have a seat Right over there.

Oh, my pleasure.

Yeah, right. Thanks a lot.

Barn, uh... They got the Bail tickets downstairs

For the rossmans, so, uh...

I just write up a Release and let them go?

Yeah.

See, there, uh...

The guy's been talking At me a lot, you know?

And, uh... I mean, the Way he looks at me, I...

I-I feel like a Used-organ store.

Wojo...

Compassion for other people's Problems is all well and good,

But there are times you Have to think of yourself

And your own well-being,

And you've got to learn How to say no to people.

You want to tell him that?

No.

See?

Thanks, barn.

Uh... You don't really Want me to book him, do you?

Want me to just give Him a citation, let him go?

No, we can't just Let mr. Gilman go.

That would deprive Him of the opportunity

Of investigating the Rest of our legal system.

You wouldn't want to stop Halfway, would you, mr. Gilman?

Well, actually...

There's a lot more to Check out around here.

There's, uh, Fingerprinting, mug shots,

Bail, arraignment, trial, jail.

I understand, but you See, as a matter of fact,

I think I got sufficient Data now, captain.

- you sure, mr. Gilman? - oh, yes.

I won't trouble you Gentlemen again.

Mr. Gilman, I think you should Know that a copy of this report

Is gonna be sent to The fire department.

What action they Take, I can't say.

I feel lucky.

All right, turn him Loose. Give him a citation.

You had me going There for a second.

I mean, sometimes I Get a little concerned.

You're always the one

Who has to be the Conciliatory influence,

The cool, rational presence In a volatile situation.

That kind of day-in-day-out Pressure can build up

Until someone just snaps.

I'd better go Lock up the rifles.

Good idea.

Sign those, levitt.

Hey, you guys, get Ready. You're leaving.

Well...

I guess all's well That ends well.

Yeah.

You know, actually, I'm kind Of glad all this happened.

It gave us, uh...

A chance to have a couple Of minutes together alone.

Right.

In case we don't Get another chance.

You are pathetic.

Okay, frank.

Okay, I'm through begging And trying to shame you.

I, uh, I still have A little pride left

And a little self-respect.

Good.

So I'm gonna ask you This just one more time,

And then I'm never Gonna mention it again.

Are you gonna Give me the kidney?

No.

What do you mean, no?

I mean, if I had three kidneys,

Even if I had a hundred,

I would not give you one!

Oh, you just Hate me. Is that it?

You still don't see!

It's always been the same with You, ever since we were kids!

Give me this! Give me that!

Toys, girls, money!

And mom always saying "You got two, frank.

Give your brother one."

I was the baby.

You're 43 now! Grow up!

Okay, let's quiet down.

I'm sorry.

That's all right. Just Go on out of here.

Your stuff's over there.

Make sure you got Everything, please.

You know, I never Knew he felt that way?

Neither did I.

You just gave me All those things

Because you wanted To get rid of me, right?

Leo, I gave you those things

Because you're my Brother and I love you!

Here.

You show them to The desk sergeant,

Downstairs, on your way out.

Thanks.

Uh... Sergeant?

I want to apologize to you.

I...

I had no right inflicting My problems on you.

You probably have a lot Of problems of your own.

All right, just forget it.

Leo... Let's go.

Yeah, sure.

Leo...

Maybe...

We can work it out.

Whatever you say, frank.

I need time to think.

It's a bit of a sacrifice.

You ever read "Faust" by goethe?

Why?

Just seems apropos.

If you recall, faust made A pact with the devil...

His soul in exchange for one Moment of perfect contentment.

So?

Well, it's just that faust Finally realized his moment

Through the selfless Act of helping others.

I was just brushing Up for my trip.

I'm checking out, barn.

Uh... Me, too, barn. I got An early date tonight.

Uh, gentlemen, uh, no one's Leaving for the moment.

Now, this schedule Has been up on the board

For eight hours now,

And except for dietrich's Name, it is still blank.

I'm junior... I didn't Want to usurp

The higher-ranking Squad members, sir.

Wojo?

Uh... I-I didn't see Your name up there.

Dietrich's the only Thing stopping me.

You got snow six months A year. My thing's once.

But I don't have reservations Six months a year.

Gentlemen, this is exactly What happened last year

And exactly why I put That thing up on the board.

Now, for my own piece of mind,

I would really like to know That any scheduling difficulties

Can be resolved in a Friendly and rational manner.

Sure, barn.

Worst comes to worst,

We can always go Eenie, meenie, miney, mo.

Hey, let's do one Potato, two potato, huh?