Original subtitles

Did you know it was Our third anniversary?

Pardon me?

It was three years ago today

You, me, wojo, and barney Began working together.

We were already here.

Yeah, right.

I guess there's no reason You should really give a damn.

I only mention it because it Means a little to me, that's all.

Arthur, look, uh, actually,

I'm really glad you Remembered, man,

'cause all in all,

I've really enjoyed the three Years we've had together.

- yeah, well, same here. - hey.

I didn't get you nothing.

It's all right.

Here.

- here, what? - here they are.

Manpower reports, Overtime requests.

Thank you, zatelli.

Sure.

You know, zatelli,

Attitude is one of the Most important factors

Affecting career advancement.

I heard that.

Look, I know it can get Discouraging down there.

But, you know, it wasn't that Long ago I was in uniform...

Bringing up the mail, Doing the typing, the filing,

And all the other dirty work.

Yeah, it was yesterday.

See?

I'll bring up the mail The second it gets here.

Inside.

That kind of place Deserves to be robbed.

We're real grateful.

What'd he do?

Stuck up one of those Adult bookstores

Over on 2nd avenue.

"Adult"? All them Books are filthy.

Well, they may have Some redeeming value.

What are you talking About? You can't hock them.

Wanna get him outta here?

Sit down. Come on, come on.

Hi.

Why, lieutenant. What A delightful surprise.

Barn, shall I put The bribes away?

Okay.

I like a good sense of humor.

Well, scanlon, what brings Internal affairs around?

No, no, no. That's what I Really like about you guys.

I mean, you're a very Tight group, very funny.

Oh, is this a social visit?

See you in the office.

Uh, captain?

Got a disturbance at Siegels department store.

Uh, you and harris.

Okay.

Hey, dietrich. Whoa, whoa, wait.

What do you... What Do you think he wants?

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it?

Hey, I'm the guy who Always has to go in there

And explain something.

I got to go now.

I mean, I go in there, I think I'm never gonna come out.

If I don't see you again, Happy anniversary.

"And I have been assigned To the 12th precinct

"For the last several years,

"During which period

"My homosexuality Has gone undetected.

"I am now revealing my existence

"So you will know that There is at least one of us

"On the new york police Force who is doing his job

"And functioning Productively and healthily,

"As captain miller would verify

"If he were aware Of the situation.

"I would like to be able to Sign my name to this letter,

But at this point, I feel That it would be unwise."

And then... He doesn't sign it.

That's too bad.

Knowing the, uh...

Close relationship you Enjoy with all your men,

I thought you might Be able to, well,

Give me a hand in identifying The party in question.

If I'm not mistaken,

Municipal policy guarantees Equal opportunity to everyone,

Regardless of sexual preference.

The department Agrees with all of that.

We just want to Get a better idea

As to whether or not The situation is widespread

Or just some isolated pervert.

There'll be no Disciplinary action taken.

Department still feels that What a cop does on his own time

Is his own business.

Then why are you So eager to find him?

So I can tell him that.

Listen, the handcuffs Really aren't necessary.

They're new. I'm Like a kid with them.

Harris: uh, barn?

This is george alsop. He went amok in siegel's.

Somebody had to do something.

Everywhere you go, it's there,

Infesting your will, Destroying your mind.

My second guess.

Broke into the room Where the music comes from.

When we got there, he was going At a tape recorder with an ax.

Ax? Where'd he get an ax?

Hardware.

I take it siegel's is Pressing charges?

No, they were only Leasing the equipment.

But the company is.

Actually, it's not the Company's property.

It's their competitor.

Yeah, it was the Automated moods, inc.

They're sending somebody down.

I couldn't take it anymore.

All day, all those Mind-numbing, syrupy melodies...

"The sound of music,"

"Mona lisa."

"Whistle while you work."

You know, in that Elevator of theirs,

They have been playing "You light up my life"

For the last two years!

Cruel, I agree.

But that does not Justify your actions.

Wait a minute... Show him the article.

Oh, he was carrying This clipping.

"Music hath charms."

You see, what they are doing now

Is taking little Subliminal messages

And putting them Under the music.

"Buy more." "Be honest."

"Don't steal."

I never heard that.

This is all very Fascinating, mr. Alsop,

But I'm afraid we're Gonna have to hold you.

If you just have a...

No, no, no... You Don't understand.

They are trying to take Control of our minds.

If you'll just have a seat At sergeant dietrich's desk.

They're trying to rob Us of our free will,

Freedom of choice!

All of that will Be in the statement,

But there's other Information we need,

And if you'll just sit at Sergeant dietrich's desk...

- sit. - he'll be glad...

Captain, shall we begin?

Uh, yeah, sure.

Uh, gentlemen...

Lieutenant scanlon is going To be holding informal meetings

With each of you.

About what?

About a matter best Dealt with individually.

About what?

What the captain Is trying to get out

Is that we have here in the 12th

An officer who has a special...

Affectional preference.

What do you mean, "Affectional preference"?

In favor of boys.

Are you saying one Of us here is... Is gay?

Yeah.

That's disgusting!

Shut up, litke.

I wondered why You were so rough.

I said shut up!

Let's talk.

Levitt still in there?

Yeah.

Hmm. He's been in there Almost 20 minutes, huh?

You were in there for 30.

Was I?

Yeah. Well, I...

Just happened to Glance at my watch.

Oh.

Trying to put a dent in These crime statistics.

What a day, huh?

Yeah.

What's the matter? You look confused.

Well...

You guys think maybe Somebody else sent the letter

To get internal Affairs on our backs...

You know, like Some kind of joke?

Oh, yeah. Very amusing.

I mean, if there was somebody, We work with him every day.

How could he hide it?

In fact, most homosexuals

Exhibit no pronounced Effeminate characteristics.

And if they do have them,

They can successfully Conceal them

When in the so-called Straight community.

I guess so.

Is scanlon still here?

No, he went downstairs to Check on some of the uniforms.

Is there a question You'd like to ask me?

Uh, no.

No.

Is there a question You'd like to ask me?

Maybe later.

I may not be here later.

It doesn't matter. It's rhetorical.

Hi.

I got the litke report done.

Oh, thank you.

Whoever it is Should, uh... Speak up.

Any speculation in that area Is only gonna create trouble.

It can't be harris.

Wojo!

It is none of your business!

Why, it sure is.

We work together.

And that means that You have to know

Every little personal detail In everyone's private lives?

Within reason.

Uh, I don't think You really want to.

Why not?

Because it could Be, uh... Disillusioning.

I mean, I may have Some personal quirks,

Little preferences, Which if you knew about,

Might surprise you Or even shock you.

But the point is, whether You're privy to them or not,

We are capable of Working together

Closely and effectively.

What kind of quirks?

I think you missed The point, wojo.

No, I didn't miss the point. I Understand what you're saying.

I mean... You Piqued my curiosity.

So?

You got piqued curiosity.

It's nothing disgusting?

Not to me.

Mail call!

Harris?

- yeah. - nothing for you.

Dietrich.

Wojciehowicz.

Uh, captain miller.

I'll take those.

No problem. Got to sign for it.

Afternoon mail, sir.

Ah, zatelli.

Thank you.

Yes, sir.

Everything okay downstairs?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Have you spoken to Lieutenant scanlon?

We chatted.

I take it you Didn't, uh... No, sir.

Why me?

I had to trust somebody.

I mean, levitt is Always speaking of you

In the highest terms... Fair, Honest, compassionate...

A little picayune.

Picayune?

That's what levitt says.

I ain't noticed it, sir.

Zatelli...

Zatelli, certainly You can appreciate

That regulations Require that I report...

You're gonna?

Zatelli, just the fact That you wrote that letter

Makes me feel that...

You're unhappy with The present situation.

You would like to come forward.

I want to, but I do,

And they slap me with an Automatic psychiatric, right?

There's no disciplinary action.

But it's still on my record.

Damn it, zatelli, you started Something with that damn letter!

Now, you're gonna have to Make a commitment to finish it!

I don't know, captain.

I mean, I really don't know.

Well, listen, zatelli, maybe...

Maybe being gay and a cop is An insurmountable problem.

I don't believe that, sir.

I don't know. Think about it.

I mean, there are many instances

That come up during the day...

Interrogation of Prisoners, searches...

Where that might present Somewhat of a conflict.

Maybe you're just Unfit to be a policeman.

I'm a good cop, sir.

Then you should be Able to stand up there

And say with pride And with dignity

"I am a homosexual,"

Just as I can stand Here and say...

I'm not.

You'd think so.

They told me downstairs To see captain miller.

They did?

I'm jack corwin, Automated moods, inc.

Oh.

The music man.

Uh, excuse me. Just a second.

I'll see if...

Hey! Shut up!

Yes.

Thank you, zatelli.

Uh, barn, the man from Automated moods is here,

Mr. Jack corwin.

Has no sense of humor.

Mr. Corwin. I'm captain miller.

Why would anyone Do such a thing?

Look at him... He's like a robot.

Seems mr. Alsop has taken a Serious dislike to your music.

But the whole Purpose of our system

Is to improve the Quality of life,

To cheer, to soothe, and relax,

To make everything So much more pleasant.

I take it you are Pressing charges?

You bet.

Mr. Alsop destroyed over $1,300 worth of stereo equipment

And cassettes.

Well, I got a couple Charges of my own.

What's he talking about?

Mind control. Mass fraud.

I believe what Mr. Alsop is referring to

Is this article which says

That you people have been Inserting subliminal messages

Under your music.

Actually, that wasn't Meant to be publicized.

I mean, it sort of spoils The whole point of it.

I'd say.

It's the one thing You people can't take...

The light of day.

Well, as soon as people Find out what you're up to,

They're gonna stop you,

Along with the rest Of your fascist ilk.

I don't dislike you, mr. Alsop.

Believe me,

We're not trying to take Over people's minds, captain...

Just give them some Common-sense guidelines,

A few helpful hints.

The ftc refers to it as "Unfair trade practices."

Yeah, wait till they Hear that in court.

Court?

Can he bring this All up in court?

It's his trial.

May I use your phone?

Be my guest.

I'm back.

Your office?

Certainly is.

Have a seat.

Now, look...

I don't want to know who it is.

I just want to know If you know who it is.

I may have my suspicions.

So then you can tell me.

The man has chosen To remain anonymous.

I want to hear that from him.

Scanlon... Who is it?

Lieutenant, this Entire conversation

Is becoming redundant.

Look, miller, I am not Out to hang the guy.

This, uh... Thing of his,

It's not my cup of tea, but...

I can understand it.

That's very broad-minded of you.

What I mean is that being a Cop is like being in the army

Or being in prison.

It's all guys.

I mean, working side by Side, dressing together,

Showering together, All-night stakeouts.

True.

And then after spending The whole day with hookers

And the other Dregs of femininity,

A fresh, clean Cop all in blue...

Might not look so bad.

You know what I mean?

Not at all.

Oh, my sentiments exactly.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

I agree completely.

Uh-huh.

Captain miller?

Uh-huh?

I've just spoken with my Superiors, and we agree...

Inasmuch as mr. Alsop

Is obviously a very Disturbed person,

Pursuing this matter is really Not in anyone's best interest.

Uh, what about the 1,300 bucks?

We're going to eat that.

Up to you.

Dietrich, you want to Turn mr. Alsop loose?

We're gonna need your Signature on a few forms.

Detective harris will Be glad to help you.

Well, I guess I'll be going.

So soon?

I just want to say this...

If anybody ever gets the idea

That they want to unburden Themselves on a sympathetic ear,

I'm available... A Phone call away.

Well...

Good-bye, captain.

Lieutenant.

You know, we've never been Very fond of each other,

But I've gained a Grudging respect for you.

I mean, as a cop... And as a person.

I'd just kind of Maybe like to feel

That that feeling was mutual.

It's not.

I was only kidding.

Oh, I was over taking Litke to the tombs.

Oh.

Hey.

Hey.

- levitt: woj.

You just love That tea, don't you?

Yeah.

And honey.

You know, I guess it's Not that, uh, strange,

A gay cop.

Eh.

I mean, I know it's not you.

But if it was, it Wouldn't matter.

Man...

I mean, I mean it. It Shouldn't be important.

Right.

I mean that for everybody... You know, dietrich, levitt...

Wojo... You too, barn.

Thank you. And I Echo your sentiments,

And I know I shouldn't Even have to say this.

I know it shouldn't matter,

But since I'm already Dealing with the situation,

As a point of information,

It is not directly relevant To anyone in this room.

Is that clear?

What I'm saying?

- sure, barn. - yeah.

All right. Fine.

Now we can turn our attention

To the more mundane Problems of the day,

Such as "Will I finish my Arrest reports before 6:00?"

"Have I completed my filing?"

I've asked myself that.

Weren't you gonna work up Those crime statistics for me?

Yes, sir.

Did you want these Categorized by date and type?

- if you don't mind. - thank you.

Unless you feel I'm Being too picayune.