Original subtitles

[Sascha] I don't want to be like you or my parents.

[shot]

Double suicide.

[Sascha] Pull the plug because of them? If

you don't fuck her, you haven't missed her.

See you tomorrow? Just so none of us get any stupid ideas.

[Frank] My mother's car needs to be inspected.

[Sascha] How hot is your mother?

[Sasha cheers]

This is so fucked up, hey.

If that's not the bubble bunny.

-[Frank] Never do that again. -I wanted to see if there was anything there.

Thomas, I want sex, now.

This is Charlie and Chaplin.

Frank and I have settled in.

-But that's not enough, Carmen? -But.

Ending!

We can talk after all.

[Frank] I don't have the strength to tell Carmen and the children the truth.

[Frank] Would you have wanted this?

This is so humiliating.

[Scream]

You question everything!

Tell me you just want to fuck around. That would make everything so much easier.

[Man, in Chinese] In times of war, he who

masters the art of deception will triumph.

When you are weak, appear strong.

When you are distant, appear close.

[Beat]

[Frank] Honey?

Darling, are you okay?

Yesterday evening, that was a start, right?

[Frank] Facing things.

Seduce your enemy.

You know, it would be really nice of you if you would

at least let me try to explain everything to you.

I cant hear that anymore!

I mean, what are you trying to explain, darling?

-Us. -Okay, I'm listening.

[Frank] Okay.

OK. Then I'll make us some coffee, okay?

I think that's great.

Thwart his plans with skill.

Show up where he doesn't expect you.

["Chain Of Fools" by Aretha Franklin]

Let's get comfortable, huh?

OK. We can also talk outside.

We didn't even introduce ourselves yesterday.

Frank and you, you've already had the pleasure, haven't you?

Now that's more rhetorical, isn't it?

[Carmen] He has good taste. Coffee?

Should I bring you a piece of cake?

I thought we'd do something together. Shopping or something.

Just you and me and Frank's credit card.

Both of us?

-Now? -Only if you want.

Why do you want to go shopping with me?

-You could be my mother. -Exactly.

Let's take Frank's car because of the trunk.

It's clear. I turn on the air conditioning.

-It's a kindergarten. -See you soon?

We wanted to talk!

Are you crazy?

I put my ass out there for you yesterday.

And you're meeting my wife?

How come? We're just going shopping.

Oh, well then we'd best bring cyanide with us.

Relax, okay? Your wife thinks we're fucking.

-She wants to drive a wedge between us. -A wedge between us?

You, a post fits between us. A tree trunk fits between us.

Anyone who talks like that shouldn't look like a poor man's exhibitionist.

Wait!

-[Honk] -Look how sweetly she fights.

-[Carmen] Come on! -I am a lubricant for you.

You are a wrecking ball!

Just crying today. Grow some balls.

-[Sascha] Be the man in the house! -I am the man of the house!

I'm the man of the house!

[barking]

[Guitar sound]

[Camera shutter]

Oh. Hey Dad. Nothing happens.

My buddy at school is a total guitar nerd.

I'll show him yours.

Don't you have to be at school for that?

Give me a breath.

Bring your buddy with you.

Sits in a wheelchair.

-Which? -Carlo.

Carlo?

[a woman moans with pleasure]

[moans of pleasure]

[loud moans of pleasure]

-Fuck, dad! Get lost! -[Scream]

[Daughter] Go away!

-Mr Sporbert, Becky and I are... -We are a couple.

-We are not. -[Becky] She is my life person!

-I'm not. -She is your teacher.

Trainee teacher. And don't worry.

We are currently reading Thomas Bernhard in class.

I don't want to hear or see any of this. Could you please leave?

Just because Simone teaches me doesn't

mean we can't love each other too.

Yes, that's exactly what it means.

-But I love you! -You don't.

[Simone] Where is the bathroom?

[door bell]

Mr. Sporbert, my name is Carlo. And this is...

-Ben. -Ben.

-[Carlo] We would like to see Max, please. -You are Carlo?

Who is your chiropractor?

Max bought 100 grams of grass from us on commission two weeks ago.

Now his installment is overdue.

-[Shower sound] -Overdue. Someone is showering.

-[Carlo] Is that him? -This is my daughter's teacher.

So with such a trivial amount of

weed there's nothing to argue about.

-"Bagatelle" is not an adjective. -[the shower noise stops]

One moment please.

-[Becky] Were you just using me? -[Simone] I never spoke of love.

One hundred grams, what kind of purchase price is that? 200 euros?

Eighthundred.

Eighthundred? You used to get a kilo for that.

Max?

Max, come here now!

[Hip hop music]

[the music falls silent]

Did you want to sell my guitars to pay off the guys here?

-[Simone] Hello, Max. -Hello, Ms. Spengler.

Do you know how much they're worth?

Tell me, don't you actually have math now?

Could you please finally leave?

I got this a little wet.

I didn't see that. Excuse me.

Bye.

Bye.

-Bye, Ms. Spengler. -Bye.

Give them both their weed back immediately. That would work, right?

-Only in original packaging. -I threw it away.

This stuff makes you completely paranoid.

Just so you know. You're an asshole!

And I hope you die!

So we could come back in the evening.

That would be nice. Thanks.

[Carmen] "Know your enemy as yourself, and

you will no longer have to fight a battle."

I say: "Becky..."

You know, our daughter, younger than you, more

on the ribs, which I don't think is a bad thing:

"Becky, there are clothes for such and such."

That's putting it diplomatically.

-That means war. -I don't want to offend her.

It's about accepting yourself.

Ms. Sporbert.

-Call me Carmen. -Mrs Sporbert!

Before we go in there, let's clear one thing up.

Otherwise I'll get cramps.

-Mhm. -Your husband and I...

I mean, I'm 21 and he's, I dunno, old?

Keep talking.

Either I turn around or you loosen up and drop the cool mom act.

-Mummy? -Full mom.

Maybe we can find something that suits your new hairstyle. Come!

[Becky screams]

It's me. Will you please come out?

I need you.

Get lost!

Dad cooked.

[Becky] What is that?

Lost eggs in mustard sauce. You used to like that so much.

When was that? 2006?

Yes, 2006, that's not that long...

-What are you doing? -I thought this was for me.

All right.

I know you're mad. You know I'm angry.

So let's talk about everything openly and honestly with each other. OK?

[Becky] Okay. I think it's shit that you sold the Mercedes,

Even though grandma promised me that on her deathbed.

-Can we put this on the back burner? -I need a new cell phone.

-Why? -Because of the drug mafia.

Do you actually hear each other talking?

Mercedes, cell phone.

Deathbed, drug mafia.

You're bringing two idiots into my house. You sleep with your teacher.

Apologize.

-You don't apologize for love. -I know other guys.

You don't even know what you're doing.

That sounded different to you...

Other fathers would have wrung your neck twice.

Your grandfather always locked Richard and me in the basement. Not me.

I'll stay cool.

I'm cool.

-You're homophobic, dad. -And double standards.

Uncle Richard told us you smoked weed.

Am I just the idiot here for you?

-We used to be friends. -Because I added you?

-Did you really? -It's out anyway.

[Becky] Dad, true friendship is based on respect for each other.

But you don't respect us.

You're just an embarrassing loser.

That's true.

House arrest, eight weeks.

Both.

This is not like you.

Oh.

Fashion just repeats itself.

Are you that old already? You can't even tell.

Although if you look closely...

Do you think things will be different for you?

You know what? Frank and you,

you're like two sponges in a sink.

At the beginning it's nice and yellow and ultra-elastic.

But overnight they become soggy and increasingly germy.

If you put them in the washing machine

at 90 degrees, they will look like new.

The surface is a bit through, but otherwise bright yellow.

And you are the washing machine?

Nonsense.

That's the washing machine, got it?

[Carmen] Do you have that in 34 too?

But of course.

Can your tits handle gravity?

Is the beer gone? Should I go get some?

I am worried.

I pay the boys.

I don't mean that at all. I know it.

I thought about joining the Bundeswehr.

They don't take child soldiers.

But not now, later.

I'm completely on the wrong track.

That's why you want to drive tanks?

Oh well. A sergeant like that could get me back on the right track.

You're too soft anyway.

Max.

I tried to do everything right.

If I had known you and Becky would get out of this, then...

...I would have done a few things differently.

So you're okay with the Bundeswehr?

Please stop drinking first.

[melancholic music]

What?

[in Chinese] Your strength is exhausted. Your weapons are blunt.

Shut up!

[Announcement] Dear customers, today in the sporting goods department,

Swimwear of the season for young and old.

And on offer...

Sasha?

[Sascha] Ms. Sporbert.

I can't say I'm proud of it.

But this family is the only thing I have.

So leave Frank alone! And that's not a request.

I hate you.

You're afraid you'll go to the gym and catch a cold, and

without Pilates it'll become more and more noticeable.

You're the old potato that was forgotten behind the stove.

People wonder, "Where did the sexy Carmen from before go?"

You bitch. This is my life with you driving around.

Heads up. You'll probably remember letting

your fitness trainer beat you to the punch.

How do you know about this?

Half the city goes to this gym.

Does Frank know that too?

I don't know. Does he know?

That is something different. Frank puts everything on the line.

Yes, he has balls and doesn't shy away from his own reflection.

Watch out. You don't know what it means to have a family.

Just have children first!

[melancholic music]

Where is Thomas?

With the devices, I think.

By the way, it's really nice with you both.

Thomas hasn't been this in love in ages.

[Thomas] Come, come, come!

-The mind is the limit! Come on! Come! -[Carmen] Thomas?

Tell me, what comes to mind? Does everyone here know that?

He here?

Or the thickness behind?

What?

That you are being very rude right now?

Stop distracting! You're blowing the whistle everywhere that we're together!

-[Man] Excuse me? -Oh, sorry.

I told Sarah and James at spinning that we loved each other. Otherwise...

I broke up with you.

Yes I know that. But I can also read between the lines.

And you want full commitment. I totally understand that.

-I have great news for us. -There is no “us”.

Charlie Chaplin is dead.

Both?

[Thomas] What loves each other should not be separated.

It was completely clear to both of them that our new beginning was

that it leaves no room for the two of them.

[Thomas] If you really love, then you have to be able to let go.

Exactly.

I let them both go...

...to you.

Can you drive me to the crematorium?

Please. I have an appointment there at five.

The two of them clatter so much on the bike.

[melancholic music]

[Becky] Wow, Dad!

-What? -This is a bag from the sex shop.

Actually?

You lying... man!

[the door slams shut]

Are you sure you're not coming in?

Yes.

OK.

Can you just hold on for a minute?

Thank you very much.

Feel free to grab some water ice if you like.

[in Chinese] In the face of danger,

the wise warrior is a massive mountain.

I am a mountain.

I am a mountain.

[Thomas groans]

I am a mountain.

I am a mountain.

I am a mountain.

I am a mountain.

I am a mountain.

You're too hard on yourself.

Thank you very much.

Come here.

I believe in us, Carmen. Let it go.

[Thomas] Listen to your inner desires.

See you thenmanski.

[sad classical music]

[a woman cries]

[Woman] What would be...

-[the woman cries] -Hello?

[Sigh]

[spherical music]

[melancholic music]

Frank.

It's different to want to turn your whole life upside down,

than having an affair with a fitness trainer.

Yes.

Frank, having an affair with a fitness trainer is different

than wanting to turn your entire life upside down.

Keep the change. And leave Max alone.

[door]

Would you please sit down?

It can not go on like this.

Yes, that's right.

-The children are out of control. -The children?

-Yes. Becky thinks she's a lesbian, Max... -I have to interrupt you.

Are you really just concerned about the children right now?

Yes. But what does “just” mean here?

What?

Do you have a plan for what's going on here? Are you checking anything?

Why are you running away again now?

Because I don't have the nerve to talk anymore, Frank.

I feel guilty. For what?

Just do something! Others burn their cat!

But that's what I'm trying to do!

I notice that, Frank. Just keep yourself in check.

What are you doing now?

I'm going to have cocktails with the girls.

Oh yes, with the girls. Secure.

Do you have something against her?

I? Against the girls?

If so, then the girls have something against me.

No. They love you.

We all love you, Frank.

[the door slams shut]

[Frank] Shit!

If you want to shit on me, we'll postpone it until tomorrow.

[Buzzing of a fly]

[lapping]

It's funny. My family makes my life hell.

And I give myself the bullet.

There is something wrong.

You're just a really nice guy.

[lapping]

Can I too?

Do not hurt yourself.

Only amateurs lick beforehand.

Carmen is drinking cocktails with the girls.

I don't know if she'll come back.

And? Is it that bad?

I feel like Gao Huan in the battle against Erzhu Zhao.

He torpedoes me from all sides, all the time.

And he leaves me no escape route.

[Man] Have you ever tried therapy?

It helped for Iris and me. Well, at least for a certain time.

Your brother is going crazy, Richard. Company, convertible, children.

He puts everything on the line. You can't care about that.

I couldn't care less about anything than your children.

I found this in our bathroom. You know what that is.

Frank and I played with it secretly as children.

Frank's going crazy, right?

["It's So Nice To Have A Man Around The House" by Dinah Shore]

Subtitles by: Tobias Pur