Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:14,380
♪♪
2
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:17,716
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
3
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,718
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
4
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,587
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
5
00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:24,390
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
6
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,291
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
7
00:00:26,293 --> 00:00:28,460
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
8
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:31,096
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
9
00:00:31,098 --> 00:00:34,400
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
10
00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:38,370
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
11
00:00:41,307 --> 00:00:42,307
[ Children yelling ]
12
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:48,614
[Clattering]
13
00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,382
[ Yelling continues ]
14
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,650
This is an outrage!
15
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:53,719
This a violation
of our human rights!
16
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:55,254
Dude, what the hell
is going on?
17
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,555
You didn't hear
the announcement?
18
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,690
They just canceled
Columbus Day.
19
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,225
We have to come to school
on Monday!
20
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,727
They what?!
21
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,762
They can't do this!
We made plans!
22
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:05,597
Some asshole went
and convinced the school board
23
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,699
that Columbus Day is racist
and should be eliminated.
24
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,068
You can't take away
a day off.
25
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:10,702
We're just
innocent children!
26
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:13,539
Dude. What asshole would
take away a holiday?
27
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:15,374
My name is Peter Galtman.
28
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:18,444
I am the head of
the school calendar committee.
29
00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:20,112
I have decided the school
30
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:21,814
will not celebrate
Columbus Day this year.
31
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:23,348
I realize this is
32
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:24,416
a hot-button issue
for many families,
33
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,285
but one parent in particular
34
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,720
has really swayed my opinion
with his passion --
35
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:30,856
Mr. Randy Marsh.
36
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:33,192
Mr. Marsh pointed out to me
the hypocrisy
37
00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:35,427
of glorifying
a genocidal murderer.
38
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,430
And Mr. Marsh is, right now,
also working
39
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:42,668
on having the Columbus statue
taken down in Canyon City.
40
00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:47,439
Come on, everybody!
41
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,575
Let's take
this fuckin' thing down!
42
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:52,144
Yeah!! Yeah!
43
00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:53,245
Take it down!
44
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:56,548
Columbus was a mass murderer!
45
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:59,118
[ Chanting ]Tear it down!
Tear it down!
46
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,152
Yeah!
47
00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:03,455
[ Grunting ]
48
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,791
Okay, it's not working.
49
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,760
[ Grunts ]
We almost got it, guys!
50
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,562
Come on!
Throw the rope, Stan!
51
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,297
Good. That's good!
52
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,799
Okay,
hit the gas, Nelson!
53
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:17,302
We got it,
everybody!
54
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:18,704
To hell with you,
Columbus, you --
55
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:20,305
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
56
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,808
[ Crashes ]
57
00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:24,610
♪♪
58
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:26,578
[ Cellphone rings ]
59
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:27,880
Hey, dude.
60
00:02:27,882 --> 00:02:29,915
Dude, did you know
it's your dad
61
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,850
who's getting the school
to cancel Columbus Day?
62
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,719
Yeah. Dude, I don't know
what's going on.
63
00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:35,354
He's really serious
about this.
64
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:36,755
Well, you got to
do something.
65
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,290
If you get him to back down,
66
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,625
maybe the school
will reconsider.
67
00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:40,826
I can't get him
to back down.
68
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,828
Stan, I have to deal
with my mom
69
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:44,596
doing shit like this
all the time,
70
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,765
but she's never tried
to take away a holiday.
71
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,334
I'm your best friend,
but I can't have your back
72
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:50,469
when the guys
find out about this.
73
00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:51,637
I'll try, okay?
74
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:52,871
[ Door closes ]
I got to go.
75
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,606
Okay, Stan.
you got your phone?
76
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:56,475
We need to call
everyone on this list.
77
00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:58,210
They all live
in the same city.
78
00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:00,546
Dad, listen, you need
to ease off a little here, okay?
79
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,781
Stan, it's not right
that people celebrate a man
80
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:04,183
who wiped out
millions of people
81
00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:06,318
for his own glory.
Let's go.
82
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,621
Hello, is this, uh,
Howard Peterson?
83
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:12,357
You live in Columbus, Ohio.
Is that correct?
84
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:14,826
Yeah?
You racist piece of shit.
85
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:15,961
You heard me.
86
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:17,462
You're an
intolerant pig.
87
00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:19,331
Oh, you're not?
88
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,300
You just choose to live in a
city named for ethnic cleansing?
89
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,768
No, fuck you.
90
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,603
Rename your city, asshole.
91
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,305
Hello?
92
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:27,806
Okay, next one.
Come on. Get calling, Stan.
93
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:28,840
Dad, come on.
94
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,375
We all get your point,
95
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:31,843
but don't you think
you're overdoing it?
96
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:33,679
You have to overdo
it in today's society, Stan.
97
00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:35,747
You can't be nuanced
and subtle anymore
98
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,849
or else critics go, "Wow,
what was the point of that?"
99
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,918
Hi, Francis Melman?
100
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,822
Hey! How are you,
you fuckin' racist?
101
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,958
Reporter:
Christopher Columbus --
102
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,559
explorer, pioneer.
103
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,795
Is he someone
who should be appreciated?
104
00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:52,331
Or was he
just a douche?
105
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,366
For years. Columbus Circle
has been a landmark
106
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:57,269
and photogenic intersection
in New York City.
107
00:03:57,271 --> 00:03:58,904
So it came as a surprise
108
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:01,907
when someone defecated
on the statue earlier today.
109
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,710
I'm joined now by the man
who did the actual defecating,
110
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:07,379
Mr. Randy Marsh
of South Park, Colorado.
111
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,914
Good evening!
112
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,250
Mr. Marsh, you took a dump
on the beloved statue that
113
00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:12,751
has been an icon here
in the city for years.
114
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,253
What was your reasoning?
115
00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:15,854
Well, I just
have a problem
116
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,290
with the racist people
of this city.
117
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:20,025
"Yee-haw!
I'm from New York.
118
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:22,027
I drive around
a big circle
119
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:24,429
that celebrates a guy
who murdered Native Americans.
120
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,398
Shoo wee!"
121
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,533
So, you're doing this
because of indigenous peoples
122
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:30,035
and their feelings?
123
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,803
I don't care
if people get indigenous.
124
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,705
I'll crap all over
their statues.
125
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:36,842
I'm the one who's indigenous
that this landmark even exists!
126
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:40,379
Uh, uh...
ba-back to you, Tom.
127
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:45,284
[ Sniffles ]
128
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,319
It ain't right.
129
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:48,987
They make you
work like a dog
130
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:51,390
and then just tear away
your one day off in October
131
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:53,325
like you're
a piece of trash.
132
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:54,559
Hey, guys.
133
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:57,062
Boo! Boo!
Nobody likes you, Stan.
134
00:04:57,064 --> 00:05:01,466
Look, I tried talking to him, all right?
He's just really against all the things Columbus did.
135
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,368
Does anybody know
what Columbus actually did?
136
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:06,571
Yeah. In 1492, Columbus got us
a day off school.
137
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:07,906
That's what matters.
138
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,641
No. No, wait, guys.
Maybe that's it.
139
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,376
When I'm dealing
with my mom,
140
00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:13,345
sometimes it works to be
on her side for a minute.
141
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:14,846
Maybe we should find out
all the things
142
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,081
people find offensive
about Columbus and --
143
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:17,416
And then totally act
like we care.
144
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,351
I like it, Kyle.
145
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:20,752
I'll just look up
"Columbus, offensive,
inflammatory..."
146
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,954
Yeah, this is sweet.
147
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:25,023
It's like that movie where
the dude pretended to be
on the monster's side.
148
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,658
You know, with the guy
and the chick that had
the wife beater on,
149
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:27,793
but her boobs were sweaty
so you could see them.
150
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:28,927
Oh, I love
that movie!
151
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:29,995
Yeah, this is
a lot like that.
152
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,563
What'd you find, Kyle?
153
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:32,798
Nothing.
154
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,000
Dang it!
There's nothing?
155
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,669
Stan, can I talk to you
for a minute?
156
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,339
What? What?
What the hell was that?
157
00:05:42,642 --> 00:05:43,675
Hey, Dad?
158
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,344
Not now, Stan.
159
00:05:45,346 --> 00:05:46,812
I'm working on a proposal
160
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,847
to change British Colombia
to just British.
161
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,383
But, Dad, Kyle
found a picture on Instagram.
162
00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:53,051
It pretty much looks like you
163
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,554
dressed as Columbus
at a Halloween party.
164
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:56,855
♪♪
165
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,390
Where did you get that?
166
00:05:58,392 --> 00:05:59,558
If you hate Columbus
so much,
167
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:00,892
why'd you
dress up like him?
168
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,028
Look, that was
a long time ago. Okay?
169
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,930
Just a dumb
Halloween costume.
170
00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,531
Yeah, but...
here's you
171
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,033
dressed as Columbus
at a formal dinner,
172
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:08,834
and here's you
dressed as Columbus
173
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,502
at a football game.
174
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,571
And you as Columbus
on St. Patrick's day.
175
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:15,774
Look, I was younger!
We were all younger.
176
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,743
It was another time.
177
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:21,012
You have to understand,
it was 2013.
178
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:23,515
Everyone was stoked
on Columbus back then.
179
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,817
Yeah, but, Dad, you seem to be
really stoked on Columbus.
180
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:28,019
If you guys found
those pictures online,
181
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:30,822
it's only a matter of time
before everyone else does.
182
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:33,024
People won't care
about what I do now.
183
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,726
They'll just see me
184
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,996
as a thoughtless,
indigenous son of a bitch.
185
00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:46,071
Randy, do you mind cleaning out
the garage like I asked?
186
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,672
What's the point, Sharon?
187
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:49,574
Soon they're gonna be
coming after me.
188
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:52,511
Ugh.
189
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,413
Announcer: Hey, you!
190
00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:56,081
That's right, you!
191
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,884
Wouldn't you like to knowthe story of you?
192
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:01,052
What makes you, you?
193
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,054
DNAandMeis a genetic service
194
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,856
that can help you find out
195
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,825
exactly whoyour ancestors were.
196
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,593
You might be surprised.
197
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,829
I thought I was justa standard white guy.
198
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,898
But DNAandMe showed
199
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:16,635
that I'm actually4.2% Cherokee Indian.
200
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,804
Turns outI'm not totally white.
201
00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:21,873
I'm also part Northern Asian,and even some Kurdish!
202
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,775
I'm a victim of oppression!
203
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,645
I used to get in troublefor always using the "N" word.
204
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:30,816
But with DNAandMe, I found outthat I'm 2.1% black!
205
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:31,650
Morning, Steve.
206
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,485
'Sup, nigga.
207
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:34,953
Announcer:
The test is easy.
208
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,588
Simply swabthe inside of your mouth
209
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,156
and send it into our labs.
210
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,459
People made fun of mefor being French.
211
00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:43,094
DNAandMe showedI was 8% Navajo.
212
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:44,763
Nobody's making fun of me now,
213
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:46,631
or my people,who were victims.
214
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,567
I'm 13% victim!
215
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,168
I'm 21% victim.
216
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,103
Announcer:
Order now and find out
217
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,573
if your friends should bemore sympathetic towards you.
218
00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:57,609
DNAandMe.Are you in?
219
00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:59,644
Hell fuckin' yes,
I'm in.
220
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,013
[ Indistinct chatter ]
221
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:07,118
[ Chatter continues
222
00:08:13,025 --> 00:08:18,697
All right. Everyone's here.
Let's do this.
223
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,165
Here you go,
just like I said.
224
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,701
$100 cash.
No questions asked.
225
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,135
Are we good?
226
00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:26,805
Good.
No talking. Perfect.
227
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:29,574
Okay.
Let's get this over with.
228
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:41,686
Thank you.
229
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:44,089
Do not talk of this
to anyone.
230
00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:49,528
All right, everybody!
Hey, thanks for coming.
231
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:50,896
If, uh, I can have
your attention, please,
232
00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:52,831
I think we're ready
to get started.
233
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,232
Uh, Mr. Marsh, you know
234
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:55,800
none of this
was really necessary.
235
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:57,536
For DNAandMe testing,
236
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,137
you can just swab the inside
of your mouth yourself
237
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,972
and send it in the mail.
238
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,041
Yeah, I know, but I just --
I was really excited about it,
239
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,210
wanted everyone
to witness my test.
240
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,678
Well, to each their own,
I suppose.
241
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,146
All right.
Open wide.
242
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:12,183
Ahh...
243
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:13,852
Okay. I'll get this
back to the lab
244
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:15,587
and get the results to you
as soon as possible.
245
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:18,089
Okay, great.
I'm very interested to see
246
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:21,560
what those results
have to say.
247
00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:26,064
[ Telephone rings ]
248
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,866
Galtman residence.
249
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,734
[Distorted]Listen to me carefully.
250
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,836
The man who convinced youto cancel Columbus Day
251
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:33,138
is a fraud.
252
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:34,773
Who is this?
253
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,741
You will go onlineand search Instagram
254
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,843
for images of Randy Marsh.
255
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:40,312
I most certainly
will not.
256
00:09:40,314 --> 00:09:42,881
Randy Marsh isa hypocrite and a fake.
257
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:45,951
You will be taken down with himwhen he is exposed.
258
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:46,885
What's he saying?
259
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,320
Shh!
Mprphph mhprphm!
260
00:09:48,322 --> 00:09:49,921
We know where you live,
261
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,923
and we know howto make you suffer.
262
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,059
Now you listen here,
Mr. Man.
263
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,327
The Galtmans
do not believe
264
00:09:55,329 --> 00:09:57,195
in social media
or the Internet.
265
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,931
It's all fake news.
Fake news.
266
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,000
Then speakwith Marsh yourself.
267
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:05,236
The truth is out there.
268
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,705
Mrph. Rm rmhmhm
rm mrph rmhmhm.
269
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:09,040
Hmmm. Sounds like
maybe the Galtmans
270
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,842
need to check out
Randy Marsh.
271
00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,611
♪♪
272
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:18,350
♪♪
273
00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:20,752
Shelley,
we've got an emergency!
274
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,821
We're getting rid of all the
Columbus stuff in this house!
275
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,689
Any Columbus costumes,
Columbus pictures --
276
00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:26,024
They all got to go!
277
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:28,159
I don't give a shit
about Columbus.
278
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:30,662
Sharon,
Peter Galtman called.
279
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:31,963
He sounds suspicious.
We got to get rid
280
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,164
of all our Columbus shot glasses
and coffee cups.
281
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,000
Where are they?
282
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,002
Your Columbus shot glasses
and coffee cups
283
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,703
are in that cupboard.
284
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:41,840
Shot glasses, coffee cups,
towels, plates --
285
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,175
What about the Columbus figurine
salt and pepper shakers?
286
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:46,711
I don't know where
you put them, Randy.
287
00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:48,179
Sharon, do you know
what they'll do to us
288
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,348
when they find out how stoked
we were on Columbus?
289
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:53,051
You were stoked on Columbus,
Randy. Not me.
290
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,152
Oh, really?!
291
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,987
Did you forget
our wedding?!
292
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,789
That's you right there,
293
00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,324
standing there
with a big smile on your face.
294
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,059
You didn't say
anything about it
295
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,394
being insensitive then,
did you?
296
00:11:02,396 --> 00:11:04,095
I actually was
a little upset
297
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,697
that you dressed up as Columbus
for our wedding,
298
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:07,666
but I decided --
Oh, now!
299
00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:10,201
You say that now, 'cause
everyone's freaking out.
300
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,704
But you were right there,
going along with it!
301
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:15,907
They're gonna be coming
after you, too, Sharon!
302
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,043
So you can just wipe that
indigenous look off your face.
303
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,344
[ Doorbell rings ]
304
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,780
Oh! That could be
my DNA results!
305
00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:23,982
Here, take this stuff
out back!
306
00:11:31,891 --> 00:11:34,392
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
307
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:38,363
I've never felt so alive
until now.
308
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:41,433
Thank you.
Lo-Lovely flowers. Thank you.
309
00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:44,169
[ Telephone rings ]
310
00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:46,104
Galtman residence.
311
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,106
[Distorted] Listen carefullyif you want to live.
312
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:51,076
You will make this Mondaya school holiday.
313
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:54,212
I spoke with Mr. Marsh,
and he denied any wrong doing.
314
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,346
Of course he did!
315
00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:57,115
That's what liars do!
316
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,917
I don't think you're being
intimidating enough.
317
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,786
Yeah, get meaner, Kenny.
Meaner like how, dude?
318
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:04,723
CARTMAN: [Distorted]I don't know, like --like maybe say -- Like talk about cutting offhis dick or something.
319
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,391
We're gonnacut off your dick!
320
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:10,061
Kyle: [Distorted] No, dude.That's too far. Okay, okay, just saywe're gonna cut offpart of his dick.
321
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,262
Just give methe phone.
322
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:14,966
Hello? What?
Randy Marsh is about to payfor what he's done.
323
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,367
Protect himand you will pay, too.
324
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,937
Time is running out.
325
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:20,038
[ Normal voice ] Jesus!
326
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:24,309
Sharon, have you seen
my Columbus staff and orb?
327
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:26,144
I have not.
328
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,879
Sharon, Galtman
called again.
329
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,848
Somebody is out there trying to
get me in trouble.
330
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:32,183
Randy, why don't you just
admit to people
331
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,452
that maybe you were
somewhat overly excited
332
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:37,122
about Columbus in the past.
333
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,424
Everyone was excited
about Columbus!
334
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,860
For some reason, people are just
pointing fingers at me.
335
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,828
Just because he's suddenly
not cool now
336
00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:46,397
doesn't mean I'm gonna be
the F'ing scapegoat!
337
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:51,436
I got to burn
this stuff.
338
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,438
Oh, God damn it.
339
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,842
I wrote you a song
to express my feelings for you.
340
00:12:57,844 --> 00:12:59,043
Will you
get out of here?!
341
00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:04,115
[ Vocalizing ]
342
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,485
♪ And then he kissed me ♪
343
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,087
I didn't kiss you
'cause I like you.
344
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:13,024
[ Vocalizing ]
345
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:16,161
♪ And then he kissed me ♪
346
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,796
Okay, okay.
347
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:19,831
[ Vocalizing ]
348
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:22,967
♪ And the sun
began to shine ♪
349
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,203
That's it.
Get off my property!
350
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,238
Randy,
I cannot quit you.
351
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,941
Get off my land,
you piece of shit!
352
00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:37,448
Don't post that.
353
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:43,955
Do not...post that.
354
00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:44,889
Shit!
355
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:50,328
Guys, what are
you doing?
356
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,996
It's over, Eric.
357
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,531
We have to come to school
on Monday.
358
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,166
Just face it.
359
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,001
I'm not facing anything.
We still have time.
360
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,503
There has to be
a way we can --
361
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,038
Dude, there's nothing
we can do, all right?
362
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,874
Oh, okay. I see.
363
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:05,076
Is that what Columbus did?
Just give up?
364
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:08,146
On his dream?
No.
365
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,949
Columbus believed that kids
should have a day off school.
366
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:13,284
And even when his own country
wouldn't support his cause,
367
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,587
Columbus said, "Fine.
I'll go find a new land
368
00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:17,322
where kids
can have that day off."
369
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:18,923
Eric, just let it go.
370
00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:21,192
And when Columbus
sailed to distant places
371
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,894
only to find people
already there
372
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,562
who said, "No!
Stay off our land!
373
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,631
We want our kids
to have to go to school!"
374
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,933
He said, "No!
It's just one day in October.
375
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:30,468
They need a break!"
376
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:33,238
You guys can all give up,
but I'm not.
377
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:38,309
Because in 1492, Columbus
got us all a day off school.
378
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:40,612
With just three ships,
he sailed over
379
00:14:40,614 --> 00:14:44,549
so we could have
some 'me time' in October.
380
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,018
And, yes, millions were
slaughtered and throats were cut.
381
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:49,220
But if we don't get
that day off school,
382
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:53,191
then for what?
383
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,659
Come on, guys.
384
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:55,994
There's something else
we can try.
385
00:14:58,197 --> 00:15:01,432
[ Urinating ]
386
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,334
Sharon, good news!
What?!
387
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,136
The people from the DNA test
called!
388
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:06,471
They're on their way over.
You want to come down?
389
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,172
I'm doing something.
390
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:09,641
You sure?
391
00:15:09,643 --> 00:15:11,209
These results could
be really interesting.
392
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:15,079
Oh, God damn it!
What the hell do you want?
393
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:18,149
I want you to stop
running from yourself.
394
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,951
We could be so happy.
395
00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:20,985
[ Doorbell rings ]
396
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:22,687
Crap, it's them!
397
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,589
Just a second! Be right there!
Thanks!
398
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,491
Get over here!
399
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:28,660
I don't have any feelings
for you. Do you understand?
400
00:15:28,662 --> 00:15:31,095
But, Randy,
what about the --
401
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,631
No! No buts!
There's nothing here.
402
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:37,068
I'm not in love with you,
got it?!
403
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,436
Yes.
404
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,438
Yes, I understand.
405
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,007
Good. Now leave.
406
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:48,446
Hi. Sorry.
You guys have my results?
407
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,381
Well, Mr. Marsh,
we came because
408
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:53,384
there was an irregularity
with your test.
409
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,219
What, you found something there
you didn't expect to find?
410
00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:56,521
What is it?
411
00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:58,189
Well, it's just
a little too odd.
412
00:15:58,191 --> 00:15:59,691
We need to do
the test again.
413
00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:01,326
Do it again?
That's not fair.
414
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:02,627
Mr. Marsh, please,
415
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,128
if we could just have
one more sample.
416
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,463
We want to be
absolutely sure
417
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,497
of what we found.
418
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,366
Uh...okay,
no problem.
419
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:11,703
Give me -- Give me
one sec. I'll be right back.
420
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:14,472
Wait! Wait!
421
00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:24,716
Okay. Okay.
All set. Let's do this.
422
00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:26,517
Ahh!
423
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:29,253
Mr. Marsh, we were hoping
to do a more precise test.
424
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:31,055
It's better
for harder cases like this,
425
00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:34,726
but it is an anal swab
this time.
426
00:16:34,728 --> 00:16:36,594
An anal swab?
427
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:40,164
Give me..
tw-- three minutes.
428
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,066
[ Whispering ]
Hey, where'd you go?
429
00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:43,301
Mr. Marsh, we're in
a bit of a hurry
430
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:44,635
if you don't mind.
431
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:47,472
[ Normal voice ] Oh.
Oh, shit.
432
00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:59,484
All right, it's clear.
Bring him in.
433
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:00,785
Move your ass,
Galtman!
434
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,387
This is a violation
of my rights.
435
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:04,022
Just shut up
and watch
436
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:05,490
what someone posted
on their Instagram!
437
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,492
I most certainly
will not!
438
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,761
If you want me to look at
the Internet, I will die first.
439
00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:11,062
It's fake news.
440
00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:14,632
That's why we had it
transferred to VHS.
441
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:15,666
Oh.
VHS is fine.
442
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,402
Take off
his blindfold.
443
00:17:19,304 --> 00:17:21,806
Get off my land,you piece of shit!
444
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,476
Don't post that.
445
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:26,778
Hmm.
446
00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:44,095
Oh, Mr. Marsh.
447
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:47,365
Oh, hey!
How are you?
448
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:50,234
Good.
What are you up to?
449
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:53,137
Chillin', chillin'.
450
00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:56,407
Well, uh, we did get your DNA
results back this morning.
451
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:57,742
Would you like to go over them?
452
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,644
Oh, you did?
Oh, great.
453
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,813
Sure.
Why not? I'm here.
454
00:18:01,815 --> 00:18:03,714
Let's, uh...
Let's do that.
455
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:05,283
Man: All right, Mr. Marsh,
456
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,085
here's your
DNAandMe portfolio.
457
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,287
This shows
that we actually found
458
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:11,789
a mix of a few things
in your regional ancestry.
459
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,358
Really? Like Native American?!
Like -- Like a little bit?!
460
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,260
No, we didn't find any trace
461
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,396
of any Native American DNA
in your test...
462
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:20,431
Nuts.
463
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,266
But as you can see here,
we found
464
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,435
that you're about
43% Northern European,
465
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,270
37% Mediterranean,
466
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,639
and 18% Southwest Asian.
467
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:31,442
In fact, your genetic profile
most closely matches...
468
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,578
your standard
Caucasian British person.
469
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,146
[ Sighs ]
470
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:36,714
And you might
be interested to know
471
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:39,884
that you are actually
2.8 % Neanderthal,
472
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:41,219
which is fairly high.
473
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,386
Neanderthal?
474
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:43,788
What the hell is that about?
475
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,756
Well, the Neanderthals
were actually a species
476
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,458
that was wiped out
by homo sapiens.
477
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,361
Wiped out...
all of my people?
478
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,330
Yes, but you see,
because of some cross breeding,
479
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,432
some people like you
still possess
480
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:55,433
Neanderthal DNA.
481
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:56,634
Isn't that interesting?
482
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,470
Cross breeding?
You mean rape.
483
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,839
You're telling me
that my ancestors
484
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,509
were raped
and then eradicated by you --
485
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:07,178
you maniacs?!
486
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:09,280
The Earth wasn't big enough
for Neanderthals,
487
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:11,816
So your ancestors
just got rid of them, huh?!
488
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:15,186
Well, to hell with all of you!
489
00:19:24,796 --> 00:19:27,798
Well, well.
Mr. Marsh.
490
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,367
I'd like to have a word, please.
491
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,672
You find this funny,
Galtman?!
492
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,374
What'd I do?
493
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:37,775
Nobody had the guts
494
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:39,777
to tell me what happened
to my people, huh?
495
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:41,646
Get the hell out of here!
496
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:44,815
I brought my parents over
so you could meet them.
497
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:47,652
Oh, God!
498
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:48,953
Don't worry.
499
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:52,390
My parents are very okay
and cool with us.
500
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,192
Who the hell is that?
501
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,627
Yeah, sure, everyone gang up
on the Neanderthal!
502
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:57,828
Isn't it funny?!
503
00:19:57,830 --> 00:20:00,698
Randy, you must face
who you are.
504
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,201
Stop pretending, Randy.
505
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:07,505
For once, just allow
yourself to feel.
506
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,907
[ Sighs ]
507
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:13,611
You're right.
You're right.
508
00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:17,515
It's only now, when everyone's
being so indigenous to me,
509
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:21,419
That I realize how indigenous
I've been acting all along.
510
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:24,689
I thought being a victim
would solve all my problems.
511
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:27,391
But being a victim
has a downside, too.
512
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:30,361
Mr. Galtman,
I haven't been honest.
513
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:34,599
It's time for us all
to be honest.
514
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:37,868
What is a holiday?
515
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:41,272
It's a day off work, yes,
a day off school.
516
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:45,243
But holidays are also meant
to be a time to reflect.
517
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:47,845
Today, I'm happy to announce
518
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,680
that the school calendar
committee
519
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,682
is reinstating the day off.
520
00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:53,584
[ Cheers and applause ]
521
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,420
But instead
of glorifying anyone,
522
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,389
let us make it a holiday
523
00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:01,492
about the negative feelings
that we all sometimes feel,
524
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:04,562
say what we're really thinking
so we can move on.
525
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:06,664
And so, the second Monday
of October
526
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:08,599
will still be a holiday.
527
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,368
But instead of Columbus Day,
528
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:11,869
it will be
for ripping on each other
529
00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:13,571
and tearing each other down,
530
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:16,474
and we will call it
Indigenous Peoples Day.
531
00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:19,477
For, perhaps, if we all do it
at the same time,
532
00:21:19,479 --> 00:21:22,446
we won't be so indigenous
the rest of the year.
533
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:25,316
And since this is the second
Monday of October,
534
00:21:25,318 --> 00:21:27,618
let's all embrace
the new meaning of the holiday
535
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:28,853
starting right now.
536
00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:30,488
Do you even know
537
00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:32,290
what indigenous means,
you frickin' idiot?
538
00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:33,824
That's the spirit, Dave!
Come on!
539
00:21:33,826 --> 00:21:34,925
Everybody, let's just all
be totally indigenous!
540
00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:36,661
Come on!
541
00:21:36,663 --> 00:21:39,463
Who the hell let this guy
talk to the school counsel?
542
00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:41,332
Good one, Kurt.
Your wife's a whore.
543
00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:42,667
Come on, everyone!
544
00:21:42,669 --> 00:21:44,468
Indigenous Peoples Day!
Let's go for it!
545
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:46,470
Woman: Shut up,
and get off the podium!
546
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:48,639
Okay.
I will in a second, fatso.
547
00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:49,940
All right.
Who else?
548
00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:51,676
Come on!
Get it out of your system!
549
00:21:51,678 --> 00:21:53,511
Happy Indigenous Peoples Day,
everyone.
550
00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:54,478
Suck my asshole.
551
00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:57,615
Randy,
I cannot quit you.
552
00:21:57,617 --> 00:22:00,084
Get off my land,
you piece of shit!
553
00:22:06,358 --> 00:22:07,491
Don't post that.
40826
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof