All language subtitles for Monk_S02E06_Mr. Monk Goes to the Theater.English (CC)

[lightly edgy music playing]

[woman] Henry, you just sit there

and read those baseball scores.

Don't let me bother you, huh?

I wonder where that girl is.

She was supposed to be
back here an hour ago

with the groceries…
Dinner's going to be late.

I guess the world revolves around her.

You were talking
in your sleep again, Henry.

What do you think so far?

There's no leg room.

-It's so crowded.
-It's supposed to be crowded.

It's sold out.

You know, this play is going to New York.

Can you believe it?
My sister in an off-Broadway show?

-[actress] Oh! She's in the…
-So where is she?

She's in the next scene. She kills a guy.

I hope it's the guy
who designed these seats.

There she is.

[door closes]

Hey, cuz…

You miss me?

Hope you don't mind… I let myself in.

But you're supposed to be in jail.

It's funny, that phrase…

"Supposed to be."

I'm "supposed to be" in jail.
You're "supposed to be" waitin' for me.

A man can't count on "supposed to be"
the way he used to.

You know, my husband's upstairs.
If he hears you--

Your husband's downtown
drowning himself in scotch and soda.

I saw him leave about an hour ago.

I've got some money in my purse.
Will you just take it and go?

You think I want your pocket change?

You think that's why I came back?!

[Monk groans]

Who ordered the tossed salad?
[laughing]

I came back for what's mine.

-You know, if you don't leave, I'll--
-You'll what, huh?

You'll do nothin'!

Like I said, I'm here for what's mine.

-[shrieks]
-Aah!

Hal, are you okay?

Hal… Hal.

She's supposed to say "Hal"?

-[whispers] Hal, are you all right?
-[audience murmuring]

Oh, my God.

Is there a doctor in the house? Anyone?

-I'm a doctor.
-[audience murmurs]

[actress muttering]

The one that was supposed to be
the prop knife.

He's dead.

-[gasps, murmurs]
-Oh, my God!

-He's been stabbed.
-[all] Oh!

[actress gasps]

["It's a Jungle Out There" playing]

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

♪ Disorder and confusion everywhere ♪

♪ No one seems to care, well, I do ♪

♪ Hey, who's in charge here? ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

♪ Poison in the very air we breathe ♪

♪ Do you know what's in the water
That you drink? ♪

♪ Well, I do, and it's amazing ♪

♪ People think I'm crazy
'Cause I worry all the time ♪

♪ If you paid attention,
You'd be worried, too ♪

♪ You better pay attention,
Or this world we love so much ♪

♪ Might just kill you ♪

♪ I could be wrong now ♪

♪ But I don't think so ♪

♪ 'Cause it's a jungle out there ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

Do not insult us.

-There were 300 people in that theater.
-They all saw it, Gail.

I can't tell you what they saw.
I can only tell you what I did.

I can tell you what they saw.

They saw you pick up
a five-inch kitchen knife

and plunge it into Hal Duncan's chest.

Then they saw him fall dead.

I didn't do it.
Come on, Randy, you know me.

-You two are pals?
-Yeah. Well, no, not exactly.

We met last year.

-Gail, I can't help you here.
-All right, Gail, why don't we…

She's scared to death.
I gotta go in there.

Sharona, you can't.

Okay. There are two knives on stage.
One of them is real.

I use it to cut a tomato
in the second act.

The other one is retractable,
so it looks like he's being stabbed.

Right. There are two knives on stage.

Knife number one is on the counter.

Knife number two is sticking
in the guy's chest.

Look, here's the problem, Gail.
Both knives were real.

There's no way-- I'm telling you.

It was a prop knife.
I can tell the difference.

Look, Gail, I like you.

-We both like you.
-So please stop insulting us.

Why would I kill him
in front of everybody?

People do it every day.

You were having a relationship
with the victim.

You'd been seeing him for nearly a year.

-Just seven months.
-He broke it off. You were upset.

You sent him some e-mails.
They were pretty emotional.

That's what I heard.

Who have you been
talking to, Randy? The crew?

You wanted to teach
your boyfriend a lesson.

You were pissed off. You did it in public.

You didn't care,
so you took a knife from home,

you switched it with the knife
on the stage,

and then you stuck him in the chest.

-Everybody saw you.
-He's not my boyfriend.

[Stottlemeyer] No, not anymore. Now, Gail…

I feel so helpless.

Can't you do anything?

God…

Okay, I got toothpaste,
toothbrush, magazines.

-I'm allowed to bring her a towel, right?
-I-I don't know.

How long can they hold her?

Second degree murder?
The D.A.'s going to try to deny her bail

until she confesses.

Why would she confess?

What, you think she did it?

Sharona, I-I don't know what to tell you.

-I was there. So were you.
-You know, I don't accept that.

She said she was innocent.

Things aren't always what they seem.

Isn't that what you taught me?

Sharona, she stabbed a guy
in front of 300 people.

Look, I'm not a magician.

Yes, you are.
You turn things around all the time.

You do it for strangers every day.

So how come you can't do it for my sister?

[doorbell rings]

-Oh, my God.
-What?

-Oh, no.
-"Oh, no," what?

Sharona, who is out there?

My mom! I totally forgot she was coming.

She flew in from Florida to see the play.
This is gonna kill her.

[doorbell rings rapidly]

Oh, no. Look…

Look, I might've told her
some things that weren't exactly true.

-Like what?
-Like Benjy's on the honor roll.

-Okay, no problem.
-Okay, thanks.

Oh! Oh, oh. And I also told her

that my rent is only $900 a month.

And-- and I broke up with Steve,
the florist I was dating.

He didn't break up with me.

Oh, oh! Oh, oh!
And, also, that I am seeing

a really nice guy, Ronnie, a stockbroker,
but he's out of town this weekend.

Oh, oh! And you--
you have a full medical plan,

including dental.

And, uh, I'm not your assistant.
I'm… your partner.

Is that okay?

Yeah. Wow.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

-Hey.
-Hi, Mom.

Hello. [laughs]

-I thought the bell was broken.
-Oh, I'm sorry.

We were-- we were in the kitchen.

How come-- how come you didn't call me?
I would've picked you up.

I'm not an invalid. I grabbed a taxi.

You look wonderful. Come here.

I was so sorry to hear about Steve,
but I say, good riddance.

You're too good for the shlub.

Oh, is this our stockbroker?

No, I'm not your stockbroker.

He's out of town. His name is Ronnie.

That's all.

Um, this is Adrian, remember?

Oh, oh, the partner. The partner in crime.

-Mrs. Fleming.
-Oh, no, call me Cheryl.

Wipe.

-Not now.
-Where's Benjy?

I-I brought him a new baseball glove.

He's not here.
He's sleeping over at a friend's house.

You forgot I was coming, didn't you?
No, that's all right. I understand.

You're probably so excited about the show.

So how was it last night?
Tell me everything.

How was Gail? Were there any reviews?

Yeah, Ma, there's something
I gotta tell you.

What, a bad review?

You might want to sit down, Cheryl.

Oh, no, I'm fine.
I've been sitting all day.

Ma, you know what?
I think it's best that we sit down.

Something happened last night at the show.

Okay.

There was a stabbing.

Oh, you mean in the audience?

No. Uh, no. On the stage.

Uh, during the show.

The actor who was playing Burt was killed.

Gail… stabbed him.

Oh, I know. I read the script.

No, no. Cheryl, he died.

Oh, I don't understand.

Neither do we. Uh…

The police think
that she might've done it on purpose.

She's been arrested for murder
in the second degree.

There's a bail hearing tomorrow.

Gail? No. Ha.

I don't believe it. It's a mistake, right?

The police don't think so.

Well, they're wrong.
Well, you're going to help her, right?

I mean, that's what you do.
You're a couple of detectives, right?

Of course we're going to help her.

After all, we're…
we're a couple of detectives.

-Right?
-Right.

Right.

-[man] What? What? What?
-[Sharona] Let me ask this guy.

Excuse me, we're looking for
Gail Fleming's dressing room.

And you are…

We're her mother.

Backstage, then down the stairs.

We'll be right back.
We're just going to pick up her stuff.

Mmm.

Hey, hey, hey, don't eat those.

-They're props.
-And you are…?

I'm O'Dell. I'm the prop master.

Well, they taste terrible.

But they look delicious,
and that's the point.

[Cheryl] It's just an apple.

[woman] It hurts, Mama.

It hurts worse than anything else
I've ever felt.

[women chattering]

Can I help you?

Um, yeah, I'm--
I'm Sharona, Gail's sister.

And I'm her mother. Who are you, dear?

-Jenna Ryan.
-Ah, hello, dear.

I-I thought this was her dressing room.

It is. It was. I'm her understudy.

-Can I help you?
-We're just here to pick up her stuff.

Oh, sure. Oh, I put them right here.

Here you go.

You couldn't fold them?

Look, I know you're Gail's family,

but it's very hard for me
to be sympathetic.

I just came from Hal Duncan's wake.

Gail didn't do it.

I'm sorry. You're right.

She's innocent until proven guilty.

I guess I'm a little nervous.

I have a show on Friday.
It's my opening night.

I want you to know, I wanted this part,

but I never wanted to get it like this.

Yeah. [clears throat]

Look, my boss…

uh, my associate and I
are working with the police.

We'd like to ask you a couple questions.

I'm kind of busy. Um, how about…

Tomorrow? Two o'clock.

Come by the apartment.
3198 Green Village Road.

Fine, we'll be there.

Great.

Um…

Uh, Jenna.

Yes.

Break a leg.

Excuse me, what are you doing?

-Uh, I was just… Nothing.
-Hey, don't fiddle with the props.

I've got to know
where these are in the dark

by touch at a moment's notice.

I've been juggling props for 44 years.

Ask me about the first prop I ever bought.

What was the--

The sword Richard Burton used in Camelot.

I had to go to Scotland to get it.

Really. Wow.

I'm, uh… I'm Adrian Monk,

and this is Sh--

She's usually right here.

This is a terrible week, I'll bet.

Hey, that wasn't my fault. The cops
had me under the lights all night long.

I told 'em, I put the prop knife
on the set.

We use two knives in the show.
A real one and one like this.

-Hey--
-[chuckles] Don't wet yourself.

The blade retracts into the handle.

Gail must've switched the gag knife
with the real one before the show.

-May I?
-See?

It doesn't feel like
a real knife at all, does it?

No.

She had to know
she was holding a real knife.

What happened on stage Sunday night,
that was no accident.

That was a woman scorned.

"Hell hath no fury," right?

And you're sure you put
a fake knife on the stage.

I swear, I put it there myself
half an hour before curtain.

-And there was nobody else here?
-Nope. Except Jenna.

Jenna Ryan, Gail's understudy.

She was checking in.
They check in before the show,

-see if anybody's sick.
-[Cheryl] we're all set.

It's killing me that we can't see her.

She's not allowed any visitors
until after the bail hearing.

I can't believe this is happening.

There's nothing we can do today.
Let's get a manicure.

-A manicure?
-Come on, it'll be fun.

If we just go home,
we're going to go crazy.

There's a salon
around the corner. Alberta's.

All the ladies in the show go there.

-What do you say?
-[huffs]

[man] Nothing, nothing, nothing--
Hold on, hold on.

No. Nothing Saturday. Nothing.

Ouch. I don't have an opening
for another two weeks. I'm sorry.

Not even for a manicure?

Don't you have any cancellations?

Well, Luna can put you
on the waiting list, but, uh…

why don't you try Scissor Wiz?
They'll take anyone.

Excuse me. Uh, Jenna Ryan--
is she a customer?

-Yes.
-Gail's understudy.

Right. She has an appointment
for tomorrow.

So? She wants to look good for her debut.

Yeah, but look, according to this,
she made this appointment two weeks ago.

How did she know she'd be on stage?

I don't know. Coincidence?

-Maybe.
-So what are you saying?

I'm saying you might be right.

Your sister may have been framed.

And I think the understudy
could've had something to do with it.

Who did your perm? I-I absolutely love it.

Captain Stottlemeyer,
you have been investigating

-the violent murder of Hal Duncan.
-That's correct.

Look at her. She's lost weight.

-How can you tell from here?
-I can tell.

-And who is that suspect?
-Miss Gail Fleming.

Um…

Uh, may I say something?
Your Honor, in my opinion,

Miss Fleming is not a flight risk.

You see, I know her family.
I work with her sister.

[prosecutor] Your Honor,
there is an avalanche of evidence

against Miss Fleming.

I hardly know where to begin.

She had motive.
She was obsessed with the victim.

The attack was witnessed by 300 people.

[Stottlemeyer] Excuse me, Your Honor,
I would also like to mention

that I have a consultant
working on the case.

He's a former homicide detective.

He's somebody I respect a great deal,
and, um,

he has serious doubts about what happened.

What is his name?

Adrian Monk, Your Honor.

He's in the courtroom,

uh, and, uh, he's ready
and willing to testify.

Oh, yes. I know Mr. Monk.

Hello, Adrian.

Your Honor.

I, uh, presided over
his last competency hearing.

He couldn't testify
until I adjusted my robe.

-I remember.
-You see, it had to be even.

-Right.
-Perfectly even.

Look, Your Honor,
I know he's a little unorthodox,

but he's a great cop.

I'm refusing this petition.

-Bail is denied.
-[mouthing] What?

-Thank you, Your Honor.
-The court is in recess.

Gail, baby.

No, I'm her mother.
Can I just talk to her?

I'll give you a minute.

-Mom, I didn't do anything wrong.
-I know you didn't, honey.

Gail, do you remember
when you were in the second grade

and Pogo got sick?
Do you remember what I said?

-You said you'd make it better.
-I gave you a promise.

I said he'd get better, and what happened?

-He got better.
-That's right.

-Until the bus hit him three weeks later.
-No, no, forget about the bus.

The point is he wasn't sick.
Now, listen to me, pumpkin--

I'm making you another promise,
and I'm going to take care of this.

We got to go.

It's going to be okay.

I'm depending on you.

I'll do whatever it takes.

I'm depending on you, too.

-Can I help you?
-Uh, yeah, we're here for Jenna Ryan.

-She's expecting us.
-Miss Ryan just left ten minutes ago.

Are you sure?

I put her in the cab myself.

She didn't forget.

I saw her write it down.
She's avoiding us.

Did you happen to hear where she went?

It's possible.

Okay, well, where did she go?
It's very important.

Isn't it funny? I-I can't quite remember.

I get it. I get it.

Memories are funny things.

Yeah. Maybe this will help.

Three dollars?

Hey, buddy,
I get three bucks for holding a door open.

He wants more.

Give him more.

He didn't do anything. I think
three dollars is more than appropriate.

Give him more.

Oh, so we're up to four dollars now.

For 20 seconds of your time,
I think that's not too shabby.

You're the cheapest man I know.

Here. Where'd she go?

What are you doing? $40?

My sister's on death row.
I think she's worth $40.

-Where'd she go?
-The Beltrum Hotel on Ridgedale.

Hey, thank you very much.

Excuse me.
Could I have my four dollars back?

-What?
-We gave you $44.

-Yeah?
-The bribe was only 40, so, you know…

Are you for real?

Will you come on?

Okay, okay, but we have a four-dollar
credit on any future bribes.

I won't forget. I'm writing it down.

There she is.

Ooh, excuse me. Have we registered?

Uh, for what?

Speedy dates. We do it here once a month.

Oh, yeah, yeah,
I read an article about this.

It's for singles. Instead of
spending all night with one jerk,

you get to meet 15 jerks at once.

Yeah, that's not exactly
how we would describe it.

You spend four minutes with each person,

then when the love bell rings…

you move on to the next person.
It's like square dancing.

-He'll do it. Sign in.
-What?

Sign in. It's perfect.

This way, Jenna has to talk to you.

Speedy dates? No. No, no, no.

It's like Dante's seventh circle of hell.

Adrian, whatever it takes.

Isn't that what you said?

I like your eyes.

Well, thank you.

They came with the face.

And you're a cop.

Uh, used to be.

Do you still have your handcuffs?

Yes. They're in my bureau.

Maybe you'd like
to show them to me sometime.

Why?

They're-- They're just handcuffs.

[bell rings]

…and Trudy and I were-- were married for…

seven years.

I am so sorry.

It was a car bomb.

Three pounds of plastic explosives
under the driver's seat.

I-I felt responsible.

I think it was meant for me.

How about you? Have you ever been married?

It's so hard for women my age
to meet men. I'm 38.

Oh, no, you're not.

-Excuse me?
-I was standing behind you

when you were registering out front.

I-I-I noticed that your credit card

said "member since 1979."

You have to be 18 to get that card,

which means that, uh, you're at least 42.

All right, I'm 43. Are you happy now?

You don't look it.

[bell rings]

I hate dating. Don't you? [chuckles]

I don't know. I never date.

Then what are you doing here?

I'm-- I'm just here to meet her.

Oh. I see.

Sorry I wasted your time.

-[bell rings]
-That's okay.

Hello, Adrian. I'm Jenna.

-Jenna, hello.
-Is this your first time?

Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

-How about you?
-Third. Insane, isn't it?

But I don't know how else to meet anybody.

The only guys I meet at work are actors.

Oh. You're an actress?

-Guilty.
-Are you famous?

No. Not yet. [chuckles]

Are you into the theater?

I really don't get out much.

I'm in a play at the El Portal,
if you're interested.

It's called Blood on the Moon.

Oh, I heard about that.

Didn't a guy get killed during the show?

It's not exactly
the kind of publicity we wanted.

Actually, I'm the understudy
for the girl who, you know, did it.

Really?

My daddy always said,

"When opportunity knocks,
just kick down the damn door,

don't ask any questions."

Is-- Is your father an actor too?

He wanted to be.

Raised by a frustrated actor…
That explains everything, right?

But he's great. He's really great.

My father would do anything for me.

Were you there when-- when
Mr. Duncan was stabbed?

No, I, um…

I had checked in earlier.
I was at a party across town.

How did you know his name?

It was on the news.

Uh-huh.

So you didn't actually see the attack.

No, I was at a party across town.
I told you.

You ask a lot of questions.

You never told me
what you do for a living.

[bell rings]

Oh, that was quick. Can I see you again?

I don't think so.

-So how'd it go, stud?
-She did it.

I don't know how she did it,
but she did it.

Let's go back to the theater
and look around.

Okay.

-So how'd the dating go?
-Oh, it was terrible.

Thank God I'm not single.

You are single.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, I think I remember
exactly what I saw.

It's the second scene.
You're Gail, I'm the guy.

The two knives are on the counter.
This is very important.

This is the real knife,
this is the prop knife,

so when you stab me,
please use the prop knife.

-I'll try to remember.
-Okay. Okay, now, so…

You… you enter from the right.

You mean the left. That's stage left.

-But it's on the right.
-It's stage left.

That's what they call it.

My sister's an actress.

But-- But for the purposes
of this re-creation,

let's just call it
what they call it on planet Earth.

Like you would know.

All right, just enter from
over there, all right? Over there.

And then come and walk
to the table when I say go.

And… go.

[deep voice] Hey, cuz.

Did you miss me?

I hope you don't mind.

I let myself in. [spits]

You're pretty good.

I have my moments.

So now you say,
"Burt, you're supposed to be in jail."

-Come on, say it.
-Burt, you're supposed to be in jail.

Yeah, it's funny about that phrase,
"Supposed to be."

I'm supposed to be in jail.

You're supposed to be waiting for me.

A man can't count on "supposed to be"
the way he used to.

Your husband's downtown

drowning himself in scotch and soda.

I saw him leave here about an hour ago.

What are you doing?

[clapping]

Well done! Very nice.

Sorry. We thought we were alone.

I was in the shadows,
where the director belongs.

I'm Karl Sebastian.

I'm Sharona Fleming,
and this is Adrian Monk.

-You're Gail's sister, aren't you?
-Yeah.

Will you tell her
we're all praying for her?

I've known Gail many years,
and I still can't believe what's happened.

-It's like a bad dream.
-It sure is.

How do you know the play, Mr. Monk?
It's brand-new. It's never been published.

I saw it last week, and, uh,
must have memorized it by accident. Sorry.

You memorized it after seeing it one time?

I'm so sorry.

I know this is all last-minute,
and I-I don't know what your schedule is,

but we've just hired an actor from
New York to play the part of Burt,

but he can't be here till Monday.

Would you consider filling in?

It's only two shows.

Me? No, no. Uh, no. I'm sorry. I can't.

He'll do it. He'll be great.

I just need to talk
to my agent for one minute.

What?

Are you insane? I can't act.

Look, my sister's in trouble.
You said the understudy did it.

She's in the show.
That's where you should be.

It's two shows.

Come on.

He'll do it.

Oh, excellent. I'm thrilled.

Welcome aboard.
We'll, uh, see you tomorrow,

10:00 a.m., rehearsal.
You're in the show Friday night.

In the show.

-I'm in the show.
-It's fantastic.

Okay, from the top of scene two.

Adrian, you've just escaped from prison.

You're hiding behind the door.

You step out, and, uh…

Anytime, Mr. Monk.

Hey, cuz. Did you miss me?

I hope you don't mind. I let myself in.

Okay, okay.

Um, Adrian,
you started to have it yesterday.

-Remember, you've escaped from prison.
-Right. I see. Yeah.

You're full of rage. You swagger.

-I don't think so.
-[door slams]

Hi. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm late.

I couldn't get a cab.

You.

Jenna Ryan, this is Adrian Monk.

-He's filling in for a couple of shows.
-You're an actor?

Yes, he's an actor,
and he's doing a splendid job,

but we haven't got all day,
so, um, we'll go from your line

"There's money in my purse."
Jenna, you're at the table.

Adrian, you're swaggering.

Here, I have some money in my purse.

-Take it.
-You think I want your pocket change?

You think that's why I came back?

Okay, you push the table over.

You're an animal.
Just-- Just push it over.

Maybe my character wouldn't want
to make too big a mess right here.

She sent you to prison.
You're-- You're full of rage.

I have a thought. What if my character

expresses his rage
by putting away the groceries…

…roughly?

Uh, okay. Um, okay. Let's-- Let's move on

to your next line,
"Who ordered the tossed salad?"

Who ordered the tossed salad?

[snorts]

I'm sorry. Is that how you laugh?

I'm not-- I'm not a big laugher.

Well, try a real laugh. Have a go.

Who ordered the tossed salad?

[chuckles weakly]

No, no, okay, wait.
Let me try that again.

Who ordered the tossed salad?

[cackling]

Sebastian.

Who ordered the tossed salad?

He's impossible.

Just cut him loose,
and we'll find somebody else.

It was your idea to hire Hal,
and he was terrible, God rest his soul.

[laughs shrilly]

-Who ordered the tossed salad?
-Okay, we'll, uh,

we'll work on the laugh.

Take ten, everybody.

Ahem.

Ugh, not quite. Hold on.

Kathleen, what did the director mean

when he said that Jenna
made them hire Hal Duncan?

It was no secret.
Jenna wanted them to hire Hal.

I'll tell you what I heard.
She slept with the producer,

then threatened to tell his wife
unless they did.

Why? Were they dating?

No. Nobody could figure it out.
Jenna didn't even like the guy.

He wasn't a great actor,
or even a good actor.

He was a character.

Always wore sunglasses, even inside.

Oh, and he was allergic to everything--
eggs, peanuts, and shellfish.

He wouldn't eat anything
unless he made it himself.

This might work, huh? What do you think?

Can't I just wear my own clothes?
I'd rather wear my own clothes.

What-- What do you have at home?

Uh, well, he just has more of this.

Basically, this.

So when do I get to meet
the elusive Ronnie?

[Benjy] Who?

The stockbroker. I told you about him.

He's at a convention… in Belgium.

What stockbroker?

I don't like Benjy meeting
any of the guys I date

until I'm sure, you know?

But you said he took Benjy
to the basketball game.

-No, I didn't.
-Yes, you did.

Well, then you misunderstood,
or you just got mixed up.

Look, Ma, can we just
change the subject, huh?

You don't have to snap, honey.
This is a hard time for all of us.

You know, I always thought
if anyone in this family

ever would end up in jail,
it would be you.

[chuckles]

You know what? That's great.
That's great. Right in front of Benjy?

-I don't mind.
-No, you know what I'm talking about.

Remember, when you s-t-o-l-e the car?

Ma, he's 11 years old. He can spell.

S-T-O…

Okay, you know what? You know what?
Go to your room and do your homework.

Whatever.

[whispers] Told you.

Oy.

I'm sorry, Sharona. I-I'm just so scared.

[sighs] I'm scared too.

-[buzzer]
-[background chatter]

-How are you doing?
-Oh, I'm making lots of new friends.

I need you to get me out
before I make any more.

Listen, your mom and Sharona
wanted to come,

but you're only allowed one visitor a day.

They wanted me to ask you
if you needed anything.

Yeah, an explanation for what happened.

Adrian, I didn't stab anybody.

I grabbed the prop knife. I'm sure of it.

The knife they found,
my prints weren't on it, were they?

No, no, no, there were no…

there were no usable prints.

The, uh… The police figured that you, uh,

that you wiped them off
in all the confusion.

Nobody believes me.
My lawyer thinks I'm crazy.

-Well, maybe I am.
-No.

-No, you're not crazy.
-Do you want to try a different phone?

No, no, no, I'm good. I'm good.

Listen, Gail,

what do you know about
your understudy Jenna Ryan?

I can't believe you said that.
I've been thinking about her.

Why is that?

Because Jenna would do
anything for that part.

Four years ago, she tried this
Tonya Harding thing on another actress.

I think it was in Chicago.
They were both up for the same part.

The actress was attacked with a golf club.

-Broke her kneecap.
-Really?

Yeah, Jenna got the part.

You know, everyone suspected her,
but they couldn't prove anything.

But she couldn't have done it.
She wasn't even near the theater.

She was at some party across town, so…

Maybe.

There. There.

Oh, God, the time.
I've-- I've got to go. I've got a show.

Are you really in the cast?

A star is born.

I would've thought you'd get stage fright.

Nah, I was fine in the rehearsals.

Everyone's fine in rehearsals.
There's no audience there.

-That's…
-[bell rings]

That's true.

That's true.

[dramatic music playing]

My mom's in the front row.

But there's not too many
other people out there, right?

-Well, there's lots of people out there.
-[moans]

What? It's sold out.

Well, don't worry about it.
You were fine in rehearsal.

-Don't worry about it.
-This is it.

Places, everyone. Energy. Energy.

-Heard you've been asking around about me.
-What?

Who are you?
You're not an actor. That much I know.

Okay, Jenna, your entrance
is around the other side.

-[Sharona] We know a few things too.
-What's that supposed to mean?

Figure it out.

Oh, Henry, you just sit there

and read those baseball scores.

Don't let me bother you, huh?

[scoffs] Where's that girl?

She was supposed to be back here
an hour ago with the groceries.

-Okay.
-Dinner's going to be late tonight.

Look, okay, I… I can't do this.

-Tell them I'm out of town.
-It won't work. They've all seen you.

[gasping]

What was I thinking? I'm not an actor.

Are you all right?

[gasping]

What are you doing?
What are you doing?

Taking your pulse. I'm a nurse, remember?

Oh, my God.

Sharona.

I've got it.

-I know how she did it.
-You do?

If that's how you take someone's pulse…

I know how she did it.

Adrian, let's go. You're on.

You, come here!

[Sharona] How did she do it?

Allergies.
Hal Duncan had lots of allergies.

The wardrobe lady said he was afraid
to eat anything he didn't make himself.

That's why Jenna wanted him in that part.

He was the perfect patsy.

The prop master told me
that Jenna was hanging out on stage

before the show,
but she wasn't switching knives.

-She was tampering with the apples.
-[Sharona] The apples?

[Monk] She must have been putting
something on them or in them--

something that Hal Duncan was allergic to.

[Sharona] That's right.
My mom said they tasted funny.

Like I said…

I'm here for what's mine!

Aah!

[Monk] Hal Duncan wasn't stabbed.
He was having an allergic reaction.

But he was stabbed.

There was a real knife in his chest.

I know. I-I know. I know.
It was a brilliant plan.

-You're still here? You're on!
-What?

-No. No, no, no, no.
-Adrian, Adrian, if you don't go on stage,

she's going to know something's up.

Sharona, go downstairs.
Check her dressing room.

-What am I looking for?
-Evidence! Something Hal Duncan

was allergic to…
shellfish, eggs, peanuts.

Hey, cuz.

Did you miss me?

[suspenseful music playing]

I hope you don't mind.

I let myself in.

Burt, you're supposed to be in jail.

It's funny, that phrase--

"Supposed to be."

You're supposed to be in jail.

I'm supposed to be in jail.

You're supposed to be waiting for me.

A man can't count on "used to be"

the way he's supposed to.

Yes, yes, we can prove it.
Look, are you almost here?

-Great, I'll see you soon.
-[Jenna] You'd better go.

My husband's upstairs. If he hears you--

[shrilly] Your husband's downtown…

drowning himself in scotch and soda.

I saw him leave here about
[voice fades] an hour ago.

[whimpers]

Uh, I have money in my purse.

Here. Take it.

You think I want your pocket change?

-[whispers] Adrian!
-You think that's why I came back?

[Whispers] Adrian!

Adrian!

Look! Adrian!

Adrian!

Who ordered the tossed salad?

[chortles, laughs]

[whispers] Oh, my God.

I'm here for what's mine.

Burt, if you don't leave, I'll--

You'll what, huh?

You'll do nothin'!

[crunches apple]

Adrian, be careful! She knows!

[mouth full] Like I said…

I came for what's mine!

Watch out!

[murmuring, exclaiming]

Is she all right?
Is there a doctor in the house?

[Stottlemeyer]
Everybody stay in your seats.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm a police officer.

Everything is under control.
Everybody just sit down.

Could we have the house lights on, please?

She's okay. I'll call an ambulance.

Excuse me.

Did you-- Did you just ask

if there was a doctor in the house?

Yes, that's right.

That's funny, because last week,
you were the doctor in the house.

What are you talking about?

I was here. I saw you.

-Is there a doctor in the house? Anyone.
-I'm a doctor.

[Monk] But you're not a doctor, are you?

I remembered how you took Hal's pulse
after he collapsed.

You used your thumb,
something no real doctor would ever do.

[Sharona]
Hal Duncan was having an allergic reaction

to peanut oil.

[Monk] He wasn't stabbed…

until you stabbed him.

When you leaned over,
you pocketed the fake knife,

and then you killed him.

He's dead. He's been stabbed.

That's crazy. Why would I--

You would do anything to help
Jenna get into the play.

It's a big hit, heading to New York,

and a career-making role
for your daughter.

My daughter?

That's right, Mr. Ryan.

That is your name, isn't it?
You've been obsessed with her career.

Jenna told me all about it.

We… We dated briefly.

[scoffs]

You-- You don't understand.

Jenna's all I have.

Well, if they wanted Gail out of the way,
why didn't they just go after her?

[Monk] They couldn't do that, Captain.

Jenna was suspected of attacking
another actress four years ago.

They couldn't pull that trick again.

They had to find another way
to get rid of Gail.

So they framed her.

Or they tried to. Thank you, Adrian.

Now, can you prove any of this?

The medical examiner can.

This was in her dressing room.

I'm sure you can still find
traces of it in his body.

Peanut oil.

Daddy… Daddy, what did you do?

[sobs]

I had nothing to do with this,
I swear! I swear.

Shut up, bitch! Show's over.

That's my daughter the detective!

Bravo!

[whistling and cheering]

Listen to this. The director said,

"We're all excited
about Gail Fleming rejoining the show."

Yay!

"We're also hoping to bring
our newest cast member

Adrian Monk to New York with us."

"In all my years in the theater,

I have never seen fear and panic
portrayed so convincingly."

That is a money review.

-First time out. Congratulations.
-Thanks.

Are you going to be doing
any more acting, Mr. Monk?

Anything's possible, Benjy,

except for that.

Oh, I'm going to miss my plane.
We better call a taxi.

Oh, no, I'll take you.
I've been cooped up all week.

Before I leave,
I want a picture with me and my girls.

-I'll take it for you.
-Don't give it to him.

He'll spend a half an hour
cleaning the lens.

Oh, well, we can all be in it
because there's a built-in timer.

Oh, great. But we have to be careful.
There's just one picture left.

Ready? Go.

Smile!

[camera beeping]

-Hey, Cheryl, can you switch with me?
-Adrian, no. There's no time.

Because Mom should be in the middle
for the symmetry.

-Okay, everybody-- Okay, smile.
-Gail, you switch with Benjy.

-Oh, come on, we don't have time for this.
-Quick, quick, quick.

Yeah, now it's better. No.
It should be tall, short, tall, short--

[all yelling]

[camera whirring]

[theme music playing]