All language subtitles for Monk_S01E07_Mr. Monk and the Billionaire Mugger.English (CC)

[Myra]
Sidney, where are you going?

[Sidney] I didn't tell you?
I have a lecture.

Another lecture?

Gonna have you on the faculty.

I don't mind.
It's good to give back.

You don't owe them anything.

Just gave them a half-million
last year.

That's just writing a check.

I won't be late.
I'll try not to wake you.

You can wake me.

Good night, Maria.

-Good night, Carolyn.
-Have a pleasant evening, sir.

Mrs. Danvers.

[door shuts]

[man] Good evening, sir. We all set?

[Sidney] I'll drive myself tonight.

-[man] You want the Volvo?
-No, I'll take the Ford.

-I'll bring it around.
-Thank you.

[car door shuts]

[George Thorogood's
"Bad to the Bone" playing]

♪ Bad to the bone ♪

♪ Bad to the bone ♪

♪ B-b-b-b-b-bad ♪

♪ B-b-b-b-b-bad ♪

♪ B-b-b-b-b-bad ♪

♪ Bad to the bone ♪

♪ I broke a thousand hearts ♪

♪ Before I met you ♪

[music stops]

[dog barking]

[woman laughs]

[woman]
So what did you think?

[man]
Oh, I hate to go first.

Tell me what you thought.

-I liked it.
-I liked it too.

[man] I really liked that actress.

What's her name again?

-[woman] Jean something.
-[both laugh]

Okay, where's my car?

[woman] I think it's over there.

-Gimme your wallet!
-Ah!

Now!

Okay, everything's cool.

Don't be a hero!

-Hey, what are you--
-[woman gasping]

[woman shudders]

[footsteps departing]

[theme song playing]

[dramatic theme playing]

[street noise]

[ATM beeping]

[beeping]

[car alarm blaring]

[car engine starts]

[door opens, closes]

Do you have any idea
how hard it is

to be a single parent?

Um, no.

My paycheck bounced,
Adrian.

The lamp.

-What are you gonna do about it?
-Just have to sweep it up.

No, I am talking about
the money!

I thought Leo Otterman paid us.

He gave me an I.O.U.

-Said he was a little short.
-No, n-n-no.

Leo Otterman
is not a little short.

We recovered
one of his Picasso paintings

that is worth over $2 million.

He said he wasn't liquid
or whatever.

He had some cash flow thing.

-Adrian--
-[door opens]

This is a business

with clients and expenses.

I know money doesn't matter
on Planet Monk,

but I have a kid that expects
three meals a day

and sometimes gets sick.

If you miss another paycheck,
I'm quitting.

This is very important,

so I'm gonna say it again.

If you miss one more paycheck,

-I'm quitting.
-[phone ringing]

Would you hold that?

Hello?

Better be a job.

[helicopter whirring]

[police siren whirrs;
people chattering]

Now, don't give in, okay?

A 10% raise isn't asking
for too much.

You're right. You're right.

Ten percent, you can't argue
with that.

And don't solve anything
until they agree.

As soon as you tell 'em
who did it,

-we lose our leverage.
-You're right.

-You're right-- Captain!
-Move it out.

I see the circus is in town.

[Stottlemeyer]
Oh, yeah.

-Gonna get worse.
-[Sharona] Captain…

Adrian wants to talk
to you about our fee.

That the shooter?

Yeah, Archie Modine.

He's an ex-cop.
He was second lieutenant in Palo Alto.

I checked him out.
He's a straight-up good cop.

Now he's the head of security
at CK Pharmaceuticals.

Uh, Captain, about our fee--

-Sharona.
-We wanna talk--

Sharona, please.
Walk me through it.

[Stottlemeyer] It's pretty routine
until the punchline.

Modine and his date
are walking to their car

over here.

The perp is over here.

The perp pops out
with a knife.

Modine pulls out his piece,
.38 caliber--

I already called.
He's licensed.

Bang, bang, bang,

three in the chest.

So I just have one question.

What am I doing here?

Here comes the punchline.

Our perp is Sidney Teal.

The computer guy?

Get out of town.

Take a look.

[Stottlemeyer] That's what
$5 billion looks like.

Get out of town!

[Monk] What in God's name
was he doing?

[Stottlemeyer] I think maybe that
this is how he got his kicks.

I mean, that kind of money
can make a person crazy.

Yeah, I wouldn't know.

Yeah, right?

Anyway, that's my theory.

Got a better one,
I'd like to hear it.

-Well--
-No, no.

Captain, we can't start working

until we talk about our fee.

Sharona, could you give me
a second here?

You know this is insane.

Yeah, it's crazy.
It gets crazier.

Check this out.

Guy's wearing knee pads.

-Knee pads?
-Yeah, and he's got elbow pads.

Was he planning on going
rollerblading after?

-Coming out of the theater-- Sir, sir!
-Live right there.

Excuse me. Just step back.
Thank you.

So you were
heading towards your car?

That's right. I had my keys out,
which now I can't find.

Excuse me, sir.

Are these yours?

[Modine] Yeah.

That's great, thanks.
I appreciate it.

[Disher] Mr. Modine,
what happened next?

He came at me with a knife
and he said something.

He said, "Don't be a hero."

-Don't be a hero?
-Yeah.

Anyway, I pulled my piece
and I got three rounds off.

Didn't realize he was messing
with the second lieutenant.

I live right here.
I saw the whole thing.

That's exactly what happened.

Hey, Lieutenant,
is that really Sidney Teal?

I'm afraid so.

Jeez.

Five hundred dollars a day
plus expenses?

I think it's more
than fair.

He's never had a raise.

Can't authorize an increase
like this, Sharona.

Take this downtown.

Talk to Shelly Berger,
your pal.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

We'll deal with it later.

[woman]
Can I say something?

I'd like to file a complaint
against one of your cops.

Excuse me?

There was a cop standing there

who saw the entire thing.

After Archie shot the guy,

the cop just turned
and ran away.

Did you get
a badge number?

[woman] I'm afraid I didn't.

-Captain--
-Captain, do you have a policy

for a police officer
just to flee like that?

I have no comment
because it's ridiculous.

There is not an officer
on this force

that would run away
from the scene of a crime.

It is inconceivable.

[woman]
I know what I saw.

-He ran away!
-[man] I saw it too.

He ran away.

Captain, why would
an officer flee?

Covering something up?
What's going on?

Captain, what's going on?

[Monk]
Speed limit's 35.

[Sharona]
I am going 35.

Thirty-seven--
Thirty-eight now.

Why couldn't you
just hold out for the raise?

I can't believe you folded
like a cheap suit.

Tent-- For the record,

I folded like
a cheap tent.

-You call Leo Otterman?
-I haven't been able to reach him.

Yield.
The sign says yield.

Okay, there's nobody there.

-[squeaking sound]
-You're the best detective

in the world and can't find
one deadbeat client?

What's that noise?

It's the alternator.

Why don't you have it fixed?

-[squeaking sound]
-Oh.

Okay, here's plan B.

We are gonna solve this case
as fast as we can, okay?

A billionaire with too much time
on his hands went crazy.

I don't know.
What about the knee pads?

No-no-no-no,
forget the knee pads.

A billionaire went crazy
and that's it.

We're gonna take credit
for it this time,

get a little publicity,

and then call Sheldon Berger
in the mayor's office

and demand a 10% increase.

Speaking of money…
Whoa.

[Sharona]
We are in the wrong business.

Not just us.

Everybody in the world
except this guy

is in the wrong business.

[Myra] We're building a guest house
in the backyard.

I was supposed to meet
with an architect today.

Do you know what I did instead?

I made funeral arrangements.

[Monk] I know
it's a terrible time, Mrs. Teal.

We--

We just have a couple
of questions.

Yeah, um, the police think

that Sidney was having
a mid-life crisis.

[Myra] That's true.

It started about
a year and a half ago.

Sidney just changed.

He started trying new things,

crazy things.

Renting motorcycles,

and bungee jumping,

skydiving.

He said he loved the rush of it.

He loved the rush?

Well, I used to say
I married Batman.

[laughs] I never imagined
in a million years

that he'd do anything like this.

Robbing someone with a knife.

I don't know what he was thinking.

[Sharona] Adrian, Adrian,

my sister has this same painting

on her shower curtain.

Huh.

And did he go out often…

at night, alone?

[Myra] Police asked that same question.

Um, recently,

he started going out late

once or twice a week.

He always had a good excuse.

I feel like an idiot really.

Why do you think he was
wearing knee pads last night?

[Myra] I have no idea.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I must look terrible.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

You look fine.

Thank you.

I just have one more question.

When did your husband
start wearing eye glasses?

About three years ago, I guess.

Why?

No reason.

Why'd you ask
about his glasses?

So I could tell which photographs

were the most recent.

There were about 200 pictures
in that room.

They documented everything.

And?

No bungee jumping. No skydiving.

Most exciting thing
Sidney Teal's done

in the last two years
is go to Disneyland.

Not exactly Batman.

This guy, he was--

What's the opposite of Batman?

You are.

[engine sputters]

[sighs]

-[engine struggling]
-Ugh. Come on.

Damn it, I hate this car!

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

Why don't you try saying
"Damn it" a few more times?

That might help.

[Monk] And how long have
you worked for Mr. Teal?

Seven years.

Who am I talking to?

-Oh, I'm not a cop.
-I knew that.

Cops take care
of their cars.

[Sharona]
Private consultant.

The police call him
whenever they're stumped.

Oh, yeah? Well join the club.
I'm stumped, too.

Could you hold that?

Excuse me.

Could you hold that
for a sec?

Do you believe
what they're saying, that…

Mr. Teal had
a dark side?

A secret life?

Mr. Teal didn't have a life

except for his computers.

Boy scouts used to laugh
at him.

You know he didn't drink,
he didn't smoke.

He wouldn't even let me start the car
until we both buckled up.

Did he have much
of a temper?

Hmm, naw.

Mr. Teal--he was a pussycat.

Here's an example.

Last year, there was
a break-in down the street,

and Mr. Teal bought a gun
for protection.

Wait a minute.
He owned a gun?

He owned it,
but he never used it.

I drove him
to the practice range, right.

He couldn't even pull the trigger.
He just froze up.

So, uh…

how do you explain
last night?

Musta been hypnotized,
most I could figure out.

-That can make sense.
-You can't hypnotize someone

to do something they wouldn't
ordinarily do.

What about Mrs. Teal?

Would you say
she was a pussycat?

No, she's more like a tiger.
But I never worked for her.

I worked for him.
She made that clear.

Look, truth is,
I'll be out of a job soon,

so if you're looking
for a driver, let me know.

Hey, is he a good boss?

Well, my last paycheck bounced,

I can't take a vacation
because he can't live without me,

and two nights ago

he called me at 4:00 a.m.
because he saw a cockroach.

-It was pretty big.
-Yeah.

Try it now.

[engine starts]

[mechanic] That should be
all right for a while.

What do we owe you?

You want to thank me?

Find out what happened
to my boss.

You know it's funny.

Mr. Teal had it all:

more money than God,

a beautiful wife,

but he was the loneliest man
in the world.

I was the chauffeur
and I felt sorry for him.

[Sharona]
You felt sorry for your boss?

I can only imagine.

Get in the car.

I'm gonna do what I can.

-Thank you.
-[door closes]

[light dramatic theme playing]

Cap'n.

You just missed
the deputy commissioner.

Guess what he wanted
to talk about?

Murder rates spiking?

The Sidney Teal investigation?

No, all he wanted to know

was what we're going
about the runaway cop.

[Disher]
"Fraidy cop."

Excuse me?

[Disher] That's what
they're calling him.

We sort of pieced together

the route he took.

I don't know.

Okay.

After the shooting,
three people saw him

running west towards
the park here.

And on 19th here,
he flagged down a taxi.

-He took a taxi?
-Yeah, it gets worse.

He threw up
in the back seat.

But we did get his blood type
from the vomit.

The taxi then dropped him off

at a bar up on Geary Street

there,

where he sat in a booth
at the back,

drinking bourbon
and crying.

He was crying?
Oh, dear Lord.

About midnight,

an older woman
in a brown station wagon

was seen picking him up,

possibly his mother.

He called his mom?

[Disher] Yeah.

That son of a bitch
better hope

I don't find him first.

[Mrs. Butterworth]
Why don't you put those,

um, over there.

Thank you.

He certainly had
a lot of friends.

It's been overwhelming.

These are from Bill Gates.

Those are from the governor.

And look at all these letters.

Excuse me.
What are you doing?

This one was sticking up.

You'll thank me later.

How long have you worked
for Mr. Teal?

I was with him
from the beginning,

the very beginning,

when he was working
out of his garage.

He was probably happier there.

We only had two phone lines.

We had to fill
all the orders ourselves.

That's his autobiography.

You can have one.

Sidney loved signing them

for people.

Now what are you doing?

I made that one too short,

so now I have to cut
the others,

make 'em all even--
I'm sure you understand.

When was the last time
you talked to Mr. Teal?

That evening.

He called on his way home

to ask about Tony Bennett.

Not the singer Tony Bennett?

Mira's a big fan.

Sidney was taking her
to Vegas to see his show.

He was arranging
for Tony Bennett

to meet them at the airport.

Wow, Tony Bennett.

[Mrs. Butterworth] He was going
to surprise her. He loved doing that.

Mrs. Butterworth,
do you have any idea

what Sidney Teal was doing
in that parking lot?

No. I still can't believe
it happened.

I'm still in denial.

Mugging somebody for what,

maybe $40?

Well, maybe he went crazy.

Do you think that's possible,
Mr. Monk?

For a man to be normal
one day

and then suddenly go crazy?

Yes.

I meant the…

[Sharona]
This is the fifth store, Adrian.

[Monk] I have a good feeling
about this place.

[Sharona sighs]

Oh, what about this one?

No, the other one was silver
and it swiveled.

You don't have to buy
the exact same lamp.

-What do you mean?
-You could buy a different lamp.

-Different lamp?
-Yeah--Adrian, what about this?

-This is great.
-But it's not silver.

The other one
was silver.

It's just a lamp.

Blindfolded,
you wouldn't know the difference.

If I was blindfolded,
why would I need a lamp?

That was a bad example.

Look, they're all basically
the same.

What about this one?
This is great.

This doesn't swivel.

The other one swiveled.

I think you should try
something different for a change.

Probably don't even make
your stupid lamp anymore.

What do you mean?

Maybe it's been discontinued.

Discontinued?

[door chimes ring]

Buy a lamp factory
and make your own.

It'll only cost you $500,000,

but at least you'd have
your precious lamp.

There it is.

This is it.

You're buying three?

Two are back-ups.

Why don't you fill out
an application?

-Maybe I will.
-[register whirring]

Ninety-five seventy-five.

Would you mind?
I'll pay you back.

Where's your wallet?

I'm having it, you know, buffed.

[scoffs]

Look at that face.

There is no way this guy
walked on the wild side.

No way.

I don't know.
People surprise you.

[sighs] You know,
when we were in his office,

I saw flowers
from his old fraternity,

Phi Beta Tau.

I used to date a guy
from that frat.

He was pretty intense.

He told me about two guys

who almost died during initiation.

There was
these secret ceremonies,

and weird handshakes.

Look who I'm talking to
about weird handshakes.

Excuse me,
it's declined.

We accept cash.

Adrian, this is unacceptable!

It is just unacceptable.

You have to pay me.

Did you try calling
Leo Otterman again, huh?

Did you?

What's wrong?

On his keychain,

he had an insignia,
"Phi Beta Tau."

What-- Who did?

The guy--

the guy who shot Teal.

Archie Modine.

They were in the same fraternity.

Oh, my God.

What?

They knew each other.

This was a lot more enjoyable

when I was on that side
of the table.

[Stottlemeyer] You're on the right side
of the table, Modine.

Look, Captain,

I'm not lawyering up here, am I?

I'm talking to you.

I screwed up. I admitted it.

Oh, yeah, he screwed up.

[sighs]

I withheld information.

I filed a false report.

All right, I-- I knew the guy.

Yeah, why the hell didn't you
tell us that before?

I was protecting…

a friend.

Mrs. Teal.

That's right.

I just didn't want
to drag her into all this.

You understand that.

Maybe not.

I didn't think
anybody would connect us.

I mean, how did you find out?

We had a little help.

Sidney Teal was two years
ahead of me at Cal State.

We were in the same frat,
but I didn't really know him.

How'd you meet his wife?

Fundraiser for the college.

Sidney was in the spotlight,

but my interest was more in Mira.

And as the kids say,
we hooked up.

It was a fling.

I mean, I hardly remember it.

But Teal must've found out,

and, you know--

Aw, come on, Captain.

He came at me with a knife.
What would you do?

Sidney Teal did not suffer
a nervous breakdown.

The incident on Harrison Place

was in fact a crime of passion.

We believe that Mr. Teal
was in fact

trying to murder Mr. Modine,

who was linked romantically
at one time

with Mr. Teal's wife, Mira.

Over the next ten days

the DA's office is going
to decide whether

to press charges
against Mr. Modine

for filing a false report.

Any questions? Pete?

Captain, is there any news
on "Fraidy Cop"?

[reporters shouting]

No comment.

Captain, today's Tribune says
the department knows

the identity of Fraidy Cop,
but is refusing to release it.

[female reporter] True, Captain?

[reporters talking over each other]

No comment.

[reporters shouting]

All right-- Hey, hey!

Hang on. I have another statement.

Here it is.

The next reporter that asks me

about this so-called Fraidy Cop

is going to be banned
from all press conferences

for a year.

[reporters shouting]

[Sharona] Our invoice
for the Teal case.

We'd like to get paid.

[Disher] Don't you usually mail this in?

We're in a rush.

And a little short, huh?

Yeah? So are you.

Initial where it says
"Job completed to satisfaction" please.

What are you doing?

It's not over.

N-n-no-no.

Don't do this.
The case is closed.

Heard
the press conference.

[Monk]
He owned a gun.

-Who did?
-Sidney Teal.

If he wanted to kill Modine,
why didn't he bring the gun?

Don't know.
He brought a knife.

It wasn't a very big knife--

only had a four-inch blade.

I don't think Teal knew
about that affair.

He was planning a romantic
getaway with his wife.

Look, we need to get paid.
I need cash.

The stores in my neighborhood
insist on money.

I'm sorry.

I'm really, really sorry.

I can't.

There's more to it.

If you don't submit
that invoice,

I'm quitting.

Now I'm gonna give you
until three.

No, not 3:00!

I'm counting to three.

[sighs]

One…

two…

three.

Call me the minute
you grow up.

What should I do?

I don't know.

No, tell me what to do.

I can't do that.

Well…

can you find somebody

who will tell me
what to do?

[car horn blares]

[tires squeal]

[distant siren wailing]

[gunshot]

Aah!

[tires squealing]

[rock music playing over radio within]

[radio deejay 1] D-man,
this Fraidy Cop situation

is getting out of control.

The San Francisco PD
just bought

new squad cars
that only go in reverse.

[radio deejay 2]
Know what I heard?

Every officer is being issued
new equipment:

-a white flag and a diaper!
-[fart sound]

They better do it
up tight

because there's
a cold snap coming!

[horn squawks; slider falls]

A drive-by shooting.

Do they have any leads?

Nothing on the bullets.

They found the car
a few blocks away.

Stolen, 100% clean
of prints.

You know, you don't seem
very upset.

Well, it means I'm making
someone very uneasy

and that's not such
a bad thing.

Well, Sharona must've been
terrified.

She quit.

We had an argument
about money.

She took a job at a lamp store
on Prospect Street.

She'd rather sell lamps
than work for me.

Let me ask you something.

Two weeks ago,
she bought me this mug,

said "World's Greatest Boss."

Are you allowed to do that--

buy someone a mug
and then just quit?

I don't think mugs
are legally binding, Adrian.

But I never had
to think about money.

Trudy used to pay
all the bills.

While we're on that subject,

there is something
that I have to say.

Oh. Now, you see,
this can't be good.

Well, no.

The--the fact is that, um…

See, I haven't been paid
for the past nine weeks.

Nine sessions.

Now, that's a lot of money.

Oh, my God.

You're gonna leave me too.

No, no, no.

I did not say that,
Adrian.

I'm gonna be all alone.

What a time to be me.

Adrian, I promise you

no one is leaving you.

Sharona did.

Are--are you okay?

I hate owing you money.

I just-- I just hate it.

Listen…

until--until we get squared
away,

I'm gonna have to start
seeing you twice a week.

Uh, excuse me, miss,

we're closing.

-Now?
-That's right.

What for?

-It's a holiday.
-What holiday?

It's Lamp Day.

[dramatic theme playing]

How was your day?

I bought a lamp.

Three, actually.

[car horn honks]

[police siren blaring in distance]

[woman] Been meaning
to buy the book.

Did he really mention me?

Drink your milk.

Yeah, it was just one line
in chapter three.

He said he loves you.

[scoffs] I'm surprised
he even remembers me.

We only dated, like,
two or three times.

Sidney was a junior.

You could already tell

that he was gonna
be rich and famous.

The guy was a genius.

I should've married
the schlub.

Oh, w-w-wait.
Uh, hold on one sec.

He was a junior--

-Can I ask you something?
-Yeah?

Is this your first case?

Uh, no.

But I usually work
with a partner.

I'm looking for Kelly Street.

Oh, Kelly's not home.
I'm her sister Bonnie.

-Ah, my name--
-It doesn't matter. Come on in.

Thank you.

Kelly should be back
any minute.

Can I get you anything?

We have HI-C or grape juice.

Oh, how about
some homemade applesauce?

No, I'm fine.
I'm just perfect.

So, you say your wife
was a writer.

Yeah, she was a columnist
for The Examiner.

She died four years ago.
She was murdered.

Oh, dear, what's the world
coming to?

I don't know, ma'am.
I ask myself that every day.

This--this was from
her appointment book.

See, this was her last entry.

I always thought
that 530 Kelly Street

was an address.

But then this morning,
it hit me.

It's a name.
"Kelly Street."

Her real name's Katrina.

I was the first one
to call her Kelly.

Right, and the 530
is not a house number.

It means half past five,
of course.

So Trudy must've been planning
to meet your sister

on that day.

Something about
a Mr. Simon, you see?

Who--who is that?

Is that a friend
of the family?

Mr. Simon was her dog.

Dog--

When Mr. Simon passed away
and died,

Kelly couldn't bear
to bury him,

so she had him stuffed.

Some people found it peculiar.

Your wife was probably writing
a little story about her.

Um…

do you mind if I touch him?

Of course.

Taxidermy always fascinated me.

[barking]

-[Monk laughs]
-What are you doing?

It--

That's not Mr. Simon, silly Billy.

That's The Colonel.

[Monk] The Colonel.

This is Mr. Simon.

Ugh--

Oh, company!

Oh, thank God.

Are you--
Are you Kelly Street?

Mrs. Kelly Street?

You don't remember me?

I'm-- I'm sorry.

Mr. Monk, you've been here
three times.

You come every year
asking about your wife.

Oh, dear.

[Kelly] You should write it down,
Mr. Monk,

so you don't forget.

You're right.

You're right, I…

must've blocked it out.

[Sharona] In the book,

Mr. Teal said somebody
mugs you

on your first date,

but he didn't really
give any details.

Technically, we weren't mugged.

We were almost mugged.

I was scared to death. I just froze.

He had a knife.

[Sharona] He had a knife?

[woman] But Sidney,
he lunged at the guy.

They started fighting.

-Come on!
-[grunts]

[woman]
I couldn't believe it.

Sidney stood up to him.

I didn't think he had it in him.

Did he say anything?

Who?

The mugger.

Oh, jeez.

That was 20 years ago.

Uh, I think he said, you know,

"Gimme your money.

Don't be a hero."

He said that?

"Don't be a hero"?

Yeah.

Is that important?

Oh, yeah. That is--
That is very important.

Um…

I think I just busted
this case wide open.

[coin rattles into machine]

That's better.

Leo?

Leo?

Leo! Leo!

-[car horn honks]
-Leo!

-Leo Otterman!
-[car horn honks]

Hi, you remember me?

I'm-- I'm Adrian Monk.

Of course I remember you.

Yeah, I-I found your Picasso

and I still have not been paid.

I told you. I need a little more time.

Yeah, Leo, and I'm telling you

that that is not good enough!

Sir, okay, okay, look--

Leo, Sharona quit again

and I went to see Kelly Street

because I thought
she was an address

but she's not an address.

She's-- She's a woman.

I've been there before--

three times-- Forget that!

Just forget all that.

Sharona was not there.

I can't pay her.

See, so, and I cannot do this
without her.

-Thank you for sharing.
-Okay, but--

I'm sure
it's all very fascinating.

Call my office,
we'll work something out.

No, Leo! Leo!

Wait, Leo!
Wait a second.

All right, look-- Leo, hey!

Okay, look…

Leo, I'm not moving.

You think I'm bluffing?

You're gonna have
to run me down.

Or back up,
one or the other.

[Sharona] Adrian!

Adrian!

Sharona.

Oh! [sighs]

Oh, my God. I've been looking
all over for you.

-Are you okay?
-Yeah, that was Leo Otterman.

I tried to stop him,
but he got away.

I wanted to pay you.

No, just forget
about that jerk.

Look at this.

What have you been doing?

Investigating.

I went to see
Angie Deluca.

She used to date Sidney Teal
in college.

Adrian, you're not gonna
believe this.

There was another mugging
20 years ago.

It was the exact same thing,

except Sidney Teal was the guy
being mugged.

What?

Now, get this.

The mugger from 20 years ago

said, "Don't be a hero."

Really?

That's interesting.

See, I knew it was interesting.

I mean, I didn't know why,
but I knew.

[chuckles]

I know that look.

You've got it, right?

Are you sure about this?

Yes.

You hesitated.
Why'd you hesitate?

I was thinking about
something else.

Mr. Modine,
thank you for coming.

What the hell is going on,
Captain?

Mr. Monk wants a few moments
of everybody's time.

Not too much
to ask.

Captain Stottlemeyer,
any leads on the Fraidy Cop?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey! Hey! Hey!

You wanna ambush people,
you join the army, okay?

Captain's trying to work.
He doesn't have time.

No, step back, please.
Step back!

Well done, Officer Moratta.

Thank you, sir.

[reporters shouting]

I wish I'd known
you were coming.

Could've had Mrs. Danders
prepare something.

[Disher] This isn't
a party.

[Modine] I guess you can't
believe everything you read.

Newspaper said
the investigation was closed.

Theirs was, ours wasn't.

My attorney says I can file
a harassment case whenever I feel like it.

Mrs. Teal, your lawyers

have enough to do
to keep you off death row.

[Monk] You'll be needing
an attorney too, sir,

for the murder
of Sidney Teal

and the attempted murder
of me.

The drive-by shooting.

Both of 'em?

[Monk] They were in it
together, Captain.

I'll tell you what troubled me
from the beginning:

the knee pads
and the elbow pads.

When your husband left
that night,

he wasn't planning
to mug anyone.

He wasn't planning
to kill anyone.

He was just going out
to have a little fun.

Maybe roll around
on the ground.

He thought he was gonna help you
impress your date, Mr. Modine.

-That's ridiculous.
-[Sharona] Is it?

You did it before 20 years ago.

He wrote about it
in his book.

Back in college,

Sidney had a big date
with Angie Deluca.

He wasn't much of a ladies' man

and he was trying
to impress her.

[Monk] So the two of you
cooked up a plan.

[Sharona]
Yep, you cooked up a plan.

Would you like to tell it?

No, no, no, you're--

You're better at telling it.

[Monk stammers]
Go ahead, you can tell it.

No, you tell it.

-[Sharona] Next time.
-Somebody tell it.

It was a harmless
little prank.

You pretended to mug
Sidney Teal and his date,

and for a minute,
the mild-mannered computer geek

got to look like Superman.

And I'm sure you both had
a big laugh about it later on.

You are a nutcase.

No one's gonna believe him.

On occasion, I've been known
to believe him.

Don't stop now.

-Where was I?
-[Sharona] Twenty years later…

Sidney brought Mira
to his college fundraiser

and that's where you two met.

And you met again
and again and again.

You sure
you don't want to tell it?

No, no, no, you're doing great.
Just go.

A year goes by.

You decide that life
would be perfect

without Sidney Teal around,

so you two hatch a plan.

You contacted Sidney
and you reminded him

about the time that you helped him
impress his date,

you asked him
if he wouldn't like to return the favor.

[Sharona]
You knew he wouldn't say no.

A chance for him
to relive

one of the best nights
of his life.

[Monk] And it worked
like a charm.

To the rest of the world,

it appeared that
an eccentric billionaire

-had a nervous breakdown.
-Don't be a hero.

And if worse came to worse

and anyone connected you
with Sidney Teal,

you just had to admit
that you'd had an affair

and claim that the shooting
was self defense.

That is one hell
of a story, Mr. Monk,

if you could prove it.

He always went the extra mile.

That night, your pal Sidney

had a little surprise
of his own.

-Really?
-Yes, sir.

You see, he'd hired
an actor to pose as a cop,

so after you'd scared off the mugger

the cop was going to run up

and commend you for your heroism.

-Oh, my God.
-Fraidy Cop.

[Monk] I'm afraid so.

You see, Captain,

I remembered what you'd said

that no cop in your department

would ever run
from the scene of a crime.

And it occurred to me
maybe Fraidy Cop

wasn't a real cop.

[Sharona] I checked
all the local costume shops.

There was only one cop uniform
rented that night.

[Sidney]
Hey, what are you doing?

[body hits the ground]

Gentlemen, I'd like you
to meet Joseph Moratta.

Very promising young actor.

You?

Joe wanted me to mention

that he can be seen
in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

at the Harris Webley
Dinner Theater all next week.

You know, when I heard
the shots,

I guess I kind of panicked.

I'm sorry if I caused you guys
any problems.

Problems? Kid, you have no idea!

I swear I didn't know
anything about this.

This is all his idea.

-Lying bitch!
-Aah!

-You planned the whole thing!
-[screaming]

[gunshot]

-[Disher] Stay down!
-Oh, gee!

-Gimme the arm!
-[Modine grunts]

[Stottlemeyer]
Modine, you're under arrest

for the murder of Sidney Teal.

You have the right
to remain silent.

-Anything you say…
-[Moratta] He's got a gun! Look out!

[reporters chattering]

[reporter] Fraidy cop, just a couple
questions, please!

Can you give us a statement?

Don't let him get away!

Shoot him.

I can't do that, sir.

Then shoot me.

Fourteen hundred, $1,460.

That's all I have.

You didn't have
to call the cops.

-Here!
-I-- I prefer not to handle cash.

Nice doing business with you, Leo.

Next time, sir, just pay your debts.

Wait a minute, I know you.

-On the news.
-No, that was--

-Fraidy Cop!
-No, no!

[Leo] Hey! Come back here!

-You know who I am?
-Look at him. He's an inspiration.

-[Leo] You cowards!
-I was gonna give him a couple bucks.

Send it to him.
He'll be in Canada by tomorrow.

Oh, God.

[Leo] I'll kill you!

[theme song playing]