Original subtitles

- Okay. - Good?

- Mm-hmm.

Okay.

- Okay, thank you. First positions, please.

Here we go. Thanks, everyone.

Okay, nice and quiet.

- Okay. - Okay, set back.

Does it look good?

- Yeah.

- Okay, all good, people.

- Thank you. Set. - Okay.

Yeah? Happy?

Happy?

Okay.

Right.

There's only one final you should be watching

this Christmas.

Two dancers, one winner.

- No. Sorry, the other way around.

- Oh, my God. Sorry.

- Lovely, big smile.

- Yep.

It's okay.

Two dancers, one winner... There's only one final

you should be watching this Christmas.

- A bit more Christmassy.

- Okay.

Um, two dancers, one final...

No, that's wrong. Sorry.

Two da... Sorry.

There's only one final you should be watching

this Christmas.

- And one where you're just being yourself.

Um...

um...

two dancers...

Two dancers, one winner.

Two dancers, one winner.

One winner.

There's only one final...

There's only one final...

There's only one final you should be watching...

You should be watching this Christmas.

This Christmas, this Christmas, this Christmas,

this Christmas.

- Hey. Hi. - Hey, Suzie.

Um, they're asking for you in makeup.

- Uh, oh, sorry. I thought it pushed because of the football.

- Oh, yeah. I think they just want to get going.

- Yeah, yeah, sure. - So, yeah.

Um, also, um, Ollie and Clara want a quick word, um,

just when you've... just, like, fairly urgently.

You can get them in here for after.

- Uh, no, let's meet them in makeup,

and we can... while they... - Yeah, okay.

- Yes, okay.

Hey, great, great. - Hey.

- Yeah. No, they let me in in the end.

They assumed I work for you,

and I lied, and I said I did work for you,

thinking did as I used to, so I wasn't lying.

- Hey, um, w-what's wrong? What's happened?

- Um, just none of them survived.

- Oh, my... Oh. Oh.

How do you... how do you know they put one back in now?

- No, they grow.

They don't... there's nothing to be put in.

- Oh, my God.

- Suzie to makeup for Ollie and Clara.

- I'm devastated.

- I hear that, mama. Are you sure?

- Well, I mean, unless they're lying

and keeping my embryos in... - No.

- Some, uh...

I'm going to go wait. - No, no, no, come to makeup.

Don't be on your own.

Are you sure you don't want to just go home?

- What am I going to do, sit and stare

at the fucking kitchen I haven't even put in yet?

- Yeah, okay, but, you know,

only if you're sure because Frank will be absolutely fine.

- Yeah. I'm just... I'm just really shocked.

It's like, basically, I've given someone 12,000 pounds

to really upset me.

- Yeah.

- Hi. - Hey.

- They say you can expect it the first time...

- Wait. Oh, no, no, I thought you were doing one and done.

- One block. Block of three, the woman said.

You save more that way.

- God, I can't believe it's still extra time.

- Yeah. - Right, should we get started?

Uh, yes.

- Hi.

Uh, if you could go out for... - Sure.

Do you want to... - Well, if you could just...

Yeah.

- Oh, sorry. Uh, well, she's my agent.

Well, my ex-agent, which is a shame for me,

but also totally fine. - Okay.

Well, uh, quick heads-up... The super-exciting guest

we knew was coming to see Stella

is Her Royal Highness's cousin.

So we have a royal in the house tonight, which is a treat,

but slight security issue... They need to be near an exit.

And that's always been sorted.

But the extra information is, um,

now that's too near a pyro.

- Down from the stage. - So the pyro's...

- Okay - Moving to the back.

- Yeah, so we just need to move the dance up a little bit

further forward, and then the lift

might have to go the other way. - Uh, wait, uh...

- No, it's just to get you further

downstage away from the pyro. - Oh, we think it's fine.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. God, it's no big deal.

We just, um, need to have a little re-rehearsal

in the wings.

- Yeah, we'll just, uh, track down Danny, and we'll get you.

- Or what? She gets a firework up her vag?

Sorry, it's just actually quite funny

when I don't have any responsibility.

- Uh, we just can't locate Danny currently, so...

- He might be watching the football somewhere.

- Oh, okay, so just, uh, bring her over when this is done.

- Uh, no. Let's just, uh, do it first.

I'll be... I'll be right there.

I just need... - Oh, sure.

So you'll be going 10, 2:00? - Uh, 10, 1:00.

- Your most recent ex-husband is texting me again.

What? As me or as you? - As both.

Wait. What the fuck is going on about tomorrow?

- Oh, my God, the drugs test.

- You haven't had your results yet?

- No, actually, I'm going to have to call them.

- Okay, well, this bleach better work.

God, I'm terrified you're going to lose

your son because of MDMA in a fucking Reddit thread.

- Hey, can you still do the handover?

Is that still okay? - Yeah.

- Yes? - Yeah.

Yeah. - Okay, I'm just...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay, bye. sorry. Poppy?

Hi. Yeah, have we had the results back yet?

Okay, well, we're supposed to have them by the end

of working day today.

I mean, that's the whole point

so that I can have Frank tomorrow.

Everything's closing now.

What if the results don't come back?

And if... and if the lab that we pay don't process it in time,

can I sue the lab?

Okay, well, I don't want to sue the lab.

Yeah, all right. Okay, bye.

Hey. - Hey.

- You're still here? - Yeah.

- Has nobody come in?

- No. No, they just... Oh, come on, ref!

- Okay, well, they're, um, looking for you.

They want to change something about your dance.

- You're kidding. - No, I'm not.

Something about...

Something about a pyro and a princess, and, basically,

we have to do the lift the other way.

What, you lifting me?

No, you're so adorable.

Can you just turn that down a bit?

- Oh, it's the final, doll.

I can't believe we did it during, frankly.

Do you know how unbelievably attractive you are to me?

That is the highest compliment a man can ever give you.

- Do you know how much I love you?

That's something from the '70s.

Who is it? - Sian.

- Great. Okay, um, so you've... you're...

You're just going, and you've just been here.

- Just take something.

I've come to her, pick something up with enough...

- Hi. - Hi.

What a thrill.

- All right.

Oh, ta, Suzie. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Why are they being such bastards on the desk?

They said I was already here.

I said, "I'm not already here."

That's why I'm here.

Oh, how are you? - Yeah, I'm good.

I mean, there's a royal in the house,

so everyone's a bit...

Hi, Holland. - Hello.

Um, Colgate are here, just so that you know.

Just saying.

- Re-find your smile. - Yeah.

I mean, I don't think I'm going to get a branding deal

that focuses on my mouth.

Yeah?

- Hi. Uh, hi, Suzie. I'm sorry.

Did Austin didn't get you back in makeup?

- Uh, well, no, I've just got to go and rehearse the lift.

Oh, um, can you get my practice boots?

- Yes. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Firstly, your flowers. - Yes.

Oh, that's so...

- Champagne. - Ooh.

- I know you're not... - Yeah.

- But after.

- So how late do you think

the match is going to push us?

- Oh, it depends if they score. - That's not helpful.

Football.

- Um, quick crisis chat.

- Oh, can we just... Please, can we stop

calling them crisis chats?

That's my first point of order for the chat.

- Okay, um, Suzie, sorry. - Yeah?

- Can I just confirm that you're not sleeping

with Danny Carno?

I... no, no.

I mean, we've only...

No, we haven't. I'm not.

Yeah?

- Hey, um, shall we trot you over to Danny and Ollie now?

- Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you get my boots?

- Yeah. - Not the real ones.

- Okay, one sec.

She needs the not-real boots.

- Right, got you.

- Sorry, yeah.

- Okay, well, if... if... if someone's managed to get

that idea, do you have any idea how?

- No.

I mean, you know, I can say we've been friendly, you know.

We're going through something together, way, but...

- Could someone have seen you like that?

- No. Not really, no.

- Okay. Well, the "Daily Mail" have called us.

- Uh-huh.

- And they're asking for comment

because they want to print it in the morning.

- Yeah, they're saying they've spoken to a runner.

- Like, just so that I can do my job here.

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, no, of... of course.

I mean, he's married, by the way.

- Yeah.

- So I can deny that with confidence?

- Um, I'm just going to go upstairs

and rehearse the lift, but, no.

I'm sorry, as in yes.

- You get it. - Oh, great.

Sorry.

- Why don't I take it over, and we can go to makeup afterwards?

- You say that like I've got a choice.

No.

- Can I get you anything?

- Uh, no, no, no, I'm absolutely fine.

- Okay, right. - How are you doing?

- Yeah. No, I'm good.

I just want to make sure that you're all right.

Yeah.

Oh, sorry. That's my mum.

One minute. - Okay.

- Hello, Mum?

Yeah.

No, we're all... We're all good here.

Yeah. No, I know.

Uh, yeah, because of football. Yeah...

Well, no, it has to be live live because the voting.

Okay, fine.

I mean, if Dad can't make it, he can't make it.

No, he shouldn't drive.

Yeah. All right, Mum.

I'm just about to go on national television,

so I can't really chat, but Naomi's going to do

the handover in reception.

Yeah, and you got the tickets?

Yeah, I sent them on text.

All right, Mum. All right.

Okay.

See you later. Bye.

Um, sorry.

Oh, one of my audience seats has become available.

I'm really sorry. I know that's really...

- Okay. - Late notice.

Good to know, yeah. - Yeah.

And, um, it's just...

I know I can be stress-y.

Like I know... it's the show and the stress of the show,

and sometimes I-I realise I can be very short

with people when I'm... - Oh, my God, no, no, no, no

- So I'm just... I'm sorry is what I'm trying to say.

- No... the seat... This is what we're here for.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Okay. - Like, no.

- Really? - No, no, never.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

- Thank you. - Okay.

- Thank you. I'm sorry for this.

- Ollie? Ollie?

I've got Suzie for you. - Oh, thank God.

Okay, great. - Hi.

I'm sorry. - That's fine.

The audience is there, right?

Apparently, the lift is fine. - Yes.

- So don't worry about that.

We're just going to use that fish rave step

to get us forward, okay?

So we're going to go like this... one, two, three,

four, five, six, seven, eight, one and two.

The rest is as is, so just run it from there, okay?

- Yeah, uh... - Okay.

- Uh, five, six, seven, eight. Go.

- Danny, someone fucking knows about our thing.

- I know. - No, you don't.

- Yeah, PR just texted me. - Okay.

So what are we going to do about it?

- Guys, I really do need you to step it out more, okay?

Left, right, left, right, like that.

Okay? - Yeah.

- Yeah. We got it. We'll do it. - Yeah, we've got it.

- You sure? - Yeah, yeah, we'll run it.

- Do your thing. - Okay, great.

So I've got to go and work with Stella.

You know, in fact, her individual number,

she's on first, so just run it a couple of times.

- Any problems, just... - All right?

- Bye. - I need to chat with you.

- Okay. Um... um, Una?

Uh, I would love, um, something to drink.

Something sweet but nothing from here.

Like, something from my dressing room.

You know what I mean. - Uh... uh...

Okay, um...

- Look... I can't go on tonight

thinking this is the last time we dance together.

- But it's the finals. - Yeah, I know.

But I don't want it to be the final for us.

- Okay, but maybe we... Should we just get

our stories straight first? - Well, let 'em print it.

I mean, fuck it, it's true.

Maybe something needed to break.

You know what? It's time.

I told you, I love Carrie. - Mm-hmm?

- She's known me since I was 14.

But she doesn't really know me, you know?

I spoke to you about all that stuff

with Rob and all that. - Mm-hmm?

- And you're the only person who gets it, you know?

You get what it is to compartmentalise your life.

You get being famous and not being able to be yourself.

You know, you... you get me.

- And I just... I don't know... I can't keep living this life,

you know?

- Maybe this isn't something to be decided

on the most stressful night of your life

when your dad just died. - No, but it is.

It's like... it's like I'm next.

And I know it's been no time with us.

- I know, it's been a week. - Yeah.

But maybe that's a wake-up call.

- Or a snooze button. You know?

- I just, I feel weirdly alive. This is...

Oh, someone must've scored.

Last minute.

- Okay. Hi, so we're not going to penalty.

So ten minutes till the show starts.

Just do makeup, I'm sorry. - Okay, fine.

Sorry. - It's quite all right.

- See you on the pitch. - See you on the pitch.

- Um, this way, this way, this way.

Whoo!

- Which way? Which way?

- Sorry, left.

Left.

Through.

Two minutes out.

Um, Suzie, we should...

- Oh.

Um, my stomach's really bad.

I really need to go to the loo. - Well, it's just there, so...

- Actually, I could really do with my fags.

Can you go to my dressing room? I think they're in there.

And then I'll meet you in costume.

- I can get someone else to bring them.

- No, I can go to the loo, it's fine.

- Okay, Okay.

- Seriously! Relax!

Relax!

- Suzie!

Can you believe I'm on first tonight?

I'm late. - Mm.

Hi.

- And they've changed my routine.

It's just not cool. - I've just... I've got to go.

Because my son's having a tantrum downstairs.

- Listen, I know we haven't spoken very much.

And I wish you all the good in the world tonight,

because at some point, I would love to pick

your brains about acting. - Oh!

- Ultimately, that's something I'd love to explore.

- Oh, amazing. - Like, drama school?

Is that necessary or not? I know you didn't.

And sometimes I actually think actors never...

- Can we talk about it later? - I can give you my email.

And then you can email me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure.

- Whenever. Okay. - Sure, sure.

- So you give me your email, and I'll email you my email.

- Okay, it's suzielegendary222 @suzielegend.com.

Okay? - Okay.

- Someone else set that up.

- I'm just saying, you do not need

to email me back in the email. - Got it.

- Okay. Bye.

She's so nice.

I'm obsessed with her.

- Fuck!

Fuck! Phone!

- Is your finger okay?

- My...?

Yeah. Uh...

- Well, that's good, isn't it? - No, not this time.

But, you know, it's a marathon.

- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, mate, that's...

- I really don't particularly want to talk about it.

Not because, just, you know...

- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck?

No, no, Fred! Fred, no!

- Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

What's the issue? What's the issue?

- Hey! No. Calm down. Calm down.

Understand?

- He didn't want to leave his dad.

- He wanted to watch the football, so...

Which to be fair...

- I didn't know whether to physically tear him away.

- Yeah. No, it's not ideal. Okay. Hello.

- Yeah. - Right.

Okay, anyway, having not heard from your people,

I assume he's staying with me tomorrow.

So maybe I'll just take him home.

- We just haven't heard back yet.

It's there's a backlog because of this.

- Great. It's not one day he's acting up, is it?

He's hasn't seen it.

He's the same room for six months.

- Do you remember how we talked about tonight?

Okay, well, you haven't, Frank.

- Yes, he has pretty much watched every game.

So in fairness to him...

- It would... it would mean a lot to me

if you stayed

and watched Mummy dance.

- Yeah, I've said all this to him.

- You've been so helpful, and we've done this together.

No, Dad can't come.

But Bailey's here.

Oh, well, that's new information.

- He doesn't want to be here, Suzie.

- That's not what he's saying. - Yeah. Do you know what?

If you'd let me finish, what I was going to say is,

he doesn't want to be here.

So why don't I just come and sit with him for a while?

- There isn't anywhere. There isn't any passes.

- Okay, fine.

- I haven't got time for this. - Who's down here?

Hiya. - Grandma's here!

- Oh, Suzie, hi. - Oh, hello!

- Football's actually just finished,

so we actually need to get you to makeup

and get you into makeup and get everyone set down,

because we're actually literally just about to start.

- God, he looks just like you, Cob.

- Yeah? - Oh, God.

- No, there's not enough seats, darling.

- Well, hang on, I've got a spare seat.

- Mum, can we not? Okay?

We can't... - She's got a spare seat.

- We can't be swapping seats.

There's a rule in the house, okay?

- Ah, there's a rule about that.

- People have been background-checked,

that you've been background-checked.

Oh, my God, anyway, Dad doesn't want to.

- Listen, I will do anything just to make sure he's okay.

- Yeah, exactly. Come on, it's Christmas.

- You need to leave...

- Oh, excuse me, it's Christmas.

- No, Cob, you might not actually want to go in there.

- Well, was that a Christmas present, Cob,

when you sent him home with no hair?

- I beg your pardon?

He's entitled to do what he wants with his hair.

- Never said anything about wanting to cut his hair.

- Oh, hasn't he? Well, I'm so glad he's no longer

just a fucking extension of you!

- Oh.

- Um, Una, could you get... put Frank, in the audience

with his dad?

Can you help me sort that, please?

- Sure.

- Thanks, Una. - Okay. Yeah, sure.

- Okay.

- Hey, costume, come in.

- Just one minute. - Headed to you now.

Front of house, can you come in?

Can you make sure

that Suzie's family are seated in row A, please?

- You're a fucking idiot.

- Yeah, copy that.

I'm in costume with Suzie now.

Yeah, eyes on wardrobe.

Anyone have eyes on wardrobe?

Oh, my God. - Oh, no.

Oh, it's just for a second.

- They don't like us doing that.

- No, please. Listen.

You know, if someone...

I just want to know if someone has come to you, okay,

and asked you to talk about things that are happening

behind the scenes, if they had,

I want you to know that I would totally understand

if you told that, okay? - Suzie?

- No, seriously, I know what they're like, okay?

And I know they pay you shit here.

And I have money, okay? - No, Suzie, not...

- No, please, please, I just want you to know, just for me,

that I would be happy to offer as much for something

to be taken back, if that's...

Like, I don't even know if they do that.

I just... you know, I can't...

I really just can't.

Okay, I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't wake up tomorrow and look at my phone.

And I just... - Suzie, no, no, sorry.

I'm really... I don't know... I'm sorry.

Are you talking about a news story about you and Danny?

- Me and Danny. Yes.

I would never... - Because...

- I would never do that.

- But listen, 'cause it doesn't mean anything, okay?

It's just, on this show, a week is a month.

And there's, like, five points of body contact all day.

And a dance is the same as a shag,

and it doesn't mean anything.

But if you know who might know or who'd be likely to,

then I'll talk to them.

I'll talk to them. - No, I mean, I'm really sorry.

But everyone knows.

Look who it is.

Oh, my God!

- Suzie.

- I haven't seen you in so long!

- Come here, I've got it all ready.

- Oh.

How are you? - I'm fine, thank you.

- Yeah, Cat's daughter's got norovirus,

so I'm just help it out a bit.

Oh.

I used to dress this one back when she was a singer...

A tiny singer.

- She was there when they were stuffing me

into all that fucking gear like a teenage prosi.

- Did all of your '90s eyebrows.

- Oh, my God, I hated that. - I'm just going to be outside.

- Okay. - That's not how I remember it.

No one was putting you in anything.

It was all like, "Oh, no, none of that.

"I don't want that.

Oh, no, that's too loose."

You knew what you were doing.

Give the people what they want.

All right, little Pickles.

Do you remember?

You were having an affair with some married guy.

And it's... it's only recently

I realised it must have been Bailey Quinn.

- God.

- It's crazy how things come round again, isn't it?

- Yeah.

Una? - Yeah?

- I know what I want to do about Danny.

I need Sian and Holland.

- Uh, yeah, but Stella's just gone on,

so we need you in makeup now...

Well, actually, earlier than now.

- Can you bring them to makeup for me, please?

- Okay, yes. Yeah, yeah.

- Can we get Suzie to makeup, please?

- Okay.

So two people fuck in a dance competition.

Who cares?

What I want to do is offer them something different.

I mean, you sometimes see that, right?

- I have, on occasion, thrown other clients

under the bus for you.

But obviously I wouldn't do that to you for someone else.

- Yeah. - So you did.

You have with Danny after, you know, months

of our trying to turn you around.

- So offer them that my ex-husband wants

to take my son away from me at Christmas

for doing this show...

That, basically, because I've got a job,

my ex wants to separate a mother from her son.

And that he insists I do drug testing.

- Okay, well, it's going to be obvious that it came from you.

- Okay, well, not really, because my friend's

been dealing with all the texts and emails,

and I can provide those,

because, basically, this is true.

I mean, that's just... that's what's amazing about it,

is we could swap this story for the Danny story.

And what's great is that everything that I'm saying

is that it's true.

It's incredible.

Actually, he's just telling the truth.

I don't have to remember anything.

- Do you know how hard it was to get you on this show?

And then to get you back on it?

- Yeah, they're not going to go

with the harrowing custody dispute.

They're going to go

with two people fuck in a dance competition.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Really? Because I'm not the story here

when it comes to Danny Carno and affairs, okay?

And not just with women.

So I think that's more of the story.

- We can't out him. He's a footballer.

- Okay, sure, but he would be winning as a bisexual man.

They literally have no representation at all.

- Right?

- Oh, I think we've just found Holland's line.

Look, I'm just saying what's true, all right?

You can do what you want with that.

- Okay, well, there's some lines that we just don't cross.

Okay? - Well...

- Hey, Suzie, you're due onstage.

Can anyone not involved in the show leave?

- Ideally, if Danny wins, which I hope he does,

he'll be winning as an out bisexual man.

- We should just brace ourselves for tomorrow.

- All right, everyone out.

Let's start traveling!

- She said she's doing it without me.

- No, no, no, no. Obviously base.

- Okay, let's go, let's go, let's go.

- Traveling now to stage.

Can we get wardrobe, please?

- And is sound on their way? Katie, when are we doing sound?

- We're going to do it on the way to the stage.

It's fine. Don't worry about it.

- Are they set?

- Yeah. - Yeah, okay, right.

- Sorry about that.

Coming to the stage, we have Suzie Pickles,

paired up with Danny Carno.

Yes.

- Like 30 seconds to get there. - Right.

- But then it's time for Suzie...

- Just check that she's mic'd?

- Yeah, she's mic'd. Yeah.

- Two, one, two.

- Whatever happens next, thank you for voting for me today.

- Now, for your delectation, one of our four finalists.

A fighter, a sweetheart, a phoenix!

Suzie Pickles.

- Oh, Suzie!

Suzie! Suzie! Suzie!

- Love you, Suzie!

- Where's Frank? - Oh, my God, that was amazing.

People loved it.

- Can you find out where they are?

Yeah.

- Because I'm pretty sure my son

wasn't in his seat at the end.

- Um, okay, I'll call front and ask.

- Is he okay? Where are they?

- I don't know... I'm calling front of house now.

- My feet.

- Do we have a location on Suzie's family?

- Well done! - Hey, hey.

- Hi. Your husband and your son have been taken

to your dressing room. - My dressing room?

Why are they in my dressing room?

Why are they not in the green room?

- It's over capacity. There's a number of guests in there

who say they're your agents. - Okay.

- Look, at this point...

- Hello?

- Hi, Suzie, It's Tim here, from Haskins and Co.

- Just one second. I won't be a minute.

All right.

- Suzie? - Yeah?

- Just checking you can hear me.

- Yeah, I haven't got long.

- Hi, Suzie. It's Poppy here, too.

Can you hear us?

- Yes, I can hear you. - Okay.

Your hair follicle tests have come back inconclusive.

- Okay. Um, so what's that?

- That just means that they're unable to ascertain

from the sample whether there are

any banned substances present.

- Right, so they didn't find any,

so it's not a positive test.

- No, it's not a positive test.

It's come back as inconclusive.

- Fuck, yes! Fuck, yes!

- No, Suzie, it basically means

they can't accurately determine

if there are any banned substances present

because the hair has been damaged

with peroxide and ammonia.

- But they didn't find any drugs, though.

- No. But he may argue you dyed your hair on purpose

to obscure the results. - No, no, I had to dye my hair.

I had to go blonde for work, for the show.

So should we go back? Can we go back?

It's Christmas Eve, so we can't go back.

This won't stand up as a negative drug test result

simply because it isn't.

- So what happens?

- We don't want to send these results to him.

We don't want him to have any ammunition

he could use in future disputes.

We think the smart move is to gift him Christmas.

- This is just a battle, Suzie.

It's not the war.

- Well, I didn't want to be in a battle or a war.

- We need to prepare for him applying for full custody,

which he's threatening to do.

We need your character to be whiter than white.

Yeah?

- Can we get Phoebe's costume, please?

- Suzie?

- Costume's in six minutes, Suzie.

- Yep.

- Hey.

Oh.

- He wanted to be backstage with you,

and he was starting to make a fuss.

- You said you wanted to sit with your dad.

Oh, honey, you can't...

- He's having a tough time, Suze.

I mean, this is... this is chaos.

He doesn't even know where he's spending Christmas.

He can spend it with you.

- Were they positive?

The results... they fucking were.

- No, I don't want to talk about it right now.

- Let's talk about it later. - Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck, Suzie.

You know...

when there's this much chaos around a person,

eventually you have to ask yourself

if it's 'cause they quite like it.

- Frank. - He deserves to be here.

It affects him personally... - Stop.

- Okay. - Stop.

- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for what happened in reception.

I'm sorry I raised my voice.

But I'm going to have to fucking say something now,

for my motherfucking soul, okay?

Even though it's unbelievably humiliating and painful

to do it.

I feel like I have to... I have to say this.

Look, I just...

Just know, I think maybe this isn't the right thing to do.

I really think this might not be

the right thing to do for this guy.

And I feel like I wouldn't forgive myself

if I didn't say to you that I do...

I-I think we both did love each other

properly at one point. - Don't engage with this.

- And I think...

- I just can't engage with this right now.

- It would be... - I just can't. I can't.

And I'm actually, I'm actually really angry

that you're doing this.

- Well, my therapist says

that I may also carry some anger issues.

So I'm aware that's something I need to think about.

- Please, just... Please. - It's not just...

- Why do you experience everything as a threat?

- I'm not...

- Even when somebody says that they love you.

- I just think this is quite cruel.

How is this cruel?

That is never going to not be your story, is it?

I'm standing here with my fucking pants down,

trying to... and... and you're... - This is what I...

- And you're still being the victim.

- Why? Why do you keep...

- What? Trying to save our family?

I fucking meant it when I married you.

I meant it.

And we're going to be in each other's lives for the rest...

Well, we... we're... we're...

Anyway, we might as well be in each other's lives properly.

What's the fucking... I know this is what you turn to,

and I know that you love this bullshit, but it's not real.

I'm sorry, it's not real.

Suzie, you're going to finish second at best

to a weak defender turned fucking Twitch streamer.

None of this is worth it.

All right, buddy. Okay, I get it.

Hello, hi.

They asked me to bring these up from reception,

because apparently there are too many

and they're causing a fire hazard.

- Oh, my God, where are they... What are they?

- "Sorry I wasn't good enough for you."

- Well, it's...

- Oh, well, what the fuck is this?

- Bailey's bored.

Hey, um, Una? - Can't bloody believe it.

- Yeah?

- Okay, this is too many flowers now.

- Sorry, here. - Please take that.

But take those home. - Okay, thank you.

- Let's just get these out and give them to people,

- Very good. - You're a saint.

- I think I see what's happening here.

I mean, you're not even remotely this lovable,

by the way. - Yes, I know.

And also, stop.

- I thought you changed, actually, the way

you've been messaging me.

It's been awful, obviously, 'cause it's you,

but at least it's been direct.

At least I've understood what you mean

and who the fuck you are.

- It wasn't me messaging you, Cob, it's Naomi.

Here, take these.

- Oh, okay, you kept that one quiet, didn't you?

- Well, that's kind of the point.

- Lovely. - Eh.

- Right, Okay. All right.

- Sorry. - Okay, fuck me.

Jesus fucking Christ.

You know, she thinks you're crazy, too, by the way.

- No, I did not say that.

- Yes, you did. - I did not say that.

- She said it after work at dinner in that Italian place,

and I offered you my spunk. - Oh, yeah, great.

- That's really clever. - Nice one.

We were talking about your IVF shit,

and you said you thought she'd gone crazy, so there you go.

- Well, I mean, of course she's crazy... anyone would be.

I don't think that's a contentious thing to say.

Sorry. - Okay, great.

Well, I'm going to go.

Listen, I've got to go, okay?

You're going to stay with Naomi.

Okay, can we get Frank and his dad next to each other?

- Yeah. - Get them some seats?

- I can reseat them now, yeah, yeah.

- Okay, great. Okay, so she's going to try and sort it out.

I've got to go. I love you, okay?

I've got to go to work. - Come on.

Mummy's having a bad night.

- You okay?

- Yeah, I just don't know what's been going on with you.

- Nothing's going on with me, fucking hell.

Apart from my job as your unpaid nanny, mediator,

secret agent, which is nowhere near as cool as it sounds,

by the way. - Okay, Naomi.

Why don't you just hook yourself up?

Just invoice me.

I'm sorry I don't have some weird rich family

who just suddenly give me a deposit for a house.

But sure. - You're mature.

- Yeah, I'm probably crazy. - Oh, God, really?

Okay. - Did you fuck him?

- I'm not you.

- All right. Bye, mate.

- Okay, bye! - Fucking bye!

- See ya!

- Nay?

Nay?

- Okay.

Hi.

- Let's get these fellas on.

- Ah, these don't fit anyone.

- That's it.

If you pull on, I'll keep it straight.

There you go.

Lovely.

- I can't believe tomorrow it's all over.

- Yeah.

I've got money on you, you know?

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Mm, Zach's very charming, but...

charm wears off.

And British public aren't going to vote for Stella.

I mean, you'll have to lick a boot, but not that much.

Now, Danny, yeah, he's the real deal.

- But you're more interesting than any of them.

It's you who'll be all over the papers tomorrow.

- Okay.

Let's have a look at you.

Ah.

Oh, this is fucking great. - Yeah?

- It's a shame you've got to wear a jacket over it.

- That's what I think.

- You've been doing this your whole life.

You fucking show 'em.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

- One! Ten seconds and we're live, people!

Clear the floor!

- And now this is it, folks...

The last dance of "Dance Crazee Xmas"!

Our two remaining couples will compete in the dance-off.

It's your last chance to decide who will be crowned

the "Dance Crazee" champion!

Let's give it up for Stella, Zach, Danny, and Suzie.

- Aah!

- Come on, come on, come on, come on!

- Okay, so that is us for the night.

Amazing.

Merry Christmas!

Oh, amazing!

Okay, so...

as you can see, voting has been going wild.

What we do now is add the couple's score

to their individual score.

That is happening right now.

And we are going to see

who is our "Dance Crazee" champion 2022.

Suzie Pickles!

Oh, my God!

Aah!

- Yes!

- Suzie Pickles,

you are Great Britain's favorite dancer,

the "Dance Crazee" champion!

Suzie, you're our winner. How does it feel?

- Oh.

Well, th...

Thank you.

I mean, they say this is, um...

a-a journey.

Oh, my God. Um...

Look, I just...

I want to say thank you to the people at home,

'cause you're the ones

who have actually been there for me, you know?

And, like, seen me through all of this.

Like, the real me.

Like, that was just...

Anyway, look, this has been a trip

and...

the best moment of my life.

No, actually, the best moment of my life...

- We love you, Suzie.

- And the person this is all for

is you, Frank.

Whatever you read about Mummy, Frank, I love you...

so, so much.

This is for you.

Everything is for you.

- Thank you, Suzie.

- And I'm so...

I'm so sorry I can't be with you this Christmas...

- It's been an emotional evening for all of us.

Well, that's Christmas, isn't it?

- Like I promised.

- Let's hear it for our winner, Suzie Pickles.

- You're not going to be with me this year.

You're going to be with your...

- Let's not forget our other contestants.

- Okay, you're taking him out.

Fucking go with it.

Oh, fuck it.

You don't know.

Who cares?

Who fucking cares?

Live TV, folks.

- But this is... this is true,

because this is something I had to do

because my hair went to shit...

because of Frank's dad.

So, sorry about that.

- So let's roll the retake.

And here's Suzie's best bits.

- I need to get her off. - Can't test me now.

And thank you, Jacob,

because you're not taking anything else

away from me anymore that's mine.

It's just this really incredible...

That's mine! That's mine!

I'm really grateful.

Oh!

I should probably say thank you to a few people.

Oh, look, the cameras are going.

Well, that's how you know.

- Suzie, Suzie, don't.

Don't do this, okay?

Just pop that back on.

Okay? - No.

- Think of the custody situation.

- I'm not going to lose custody for not having hair.

- You are for not having hair on television.

- Oh, Sian. You're just an agent.

- Suzie?

She's exhausted.

- We're gonna keep running VTs, guys.

- Relax. Relax. - No drama here.

- But where's Naomi?

Naomi, I mean, she's out there somewhere, right?

Or did she... did she go?

Did she actually go?

Oh, she's gone.

- Let's go home.

- Oh, Nay.

Well done.

I'm so proud of you, Nay.

Your boundaries.

You've... you've gone.

I'm so happy for you.

- Okay, they're playing music now, so they want us to dance.

- Maybe we should go somewhere you'd be more comfortable.

- Everyone come and dance.

So they want us to dance!

I want to thank my mum.

- Oh, well done, sweetheart.

- They love me, Mum.

Well, I would like to thank my dad,

who can't be here this evening.

Thank you, Dad, for your consistency.

Whee!

Oh!

Whee!

Baby!

- Let... let's...

- No, no, we're going to have a dance.

- We're dancing. - Come on, guys.

- We're going to... - Please, please?

- Come this way. - Let's go home, love.

You were happy there. - I wasn't happy.

I was just whatever you wanted me to be,

which happened to be happy.

- So what?

- Danny, they love me.

Everyone loves me!

- You've ruined my life.

- Oh come on, darling,

it's just a stupid dancing competition.

Oh!

I will never, ever, ever let you down.

I'd like to tell my agents

they've been so great.

Oh, are we going off?

I mean, there's normally someone here to tell you.

Wait, which way do I go off?

- Whoa!

Oh!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

- Now it's time to go. - Mm-mm.

Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm. Mm-mm-mm.

- Come on, it's time to go. - No. No!

- We're just going to help you out.

- I don't want to go!

No! No!