All language subtitles for Cheers.S11E06.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

This is the third time we've been here
in two weeks, Sam.

Any idea why you're
having so many fights?

Yeah. Yeah. Ever since that biker bar
closed down,

we're getting these
big apes coming in here.

What are we supposed to do?

Be grateful.

You know something, if you'd get over here
when I called you,

none of this
would have happened.

Aw, look at this. Woody.

Aw, man, are you all right?

Yeah, I'm okay.

See, this is exactly
what I'm talking about.

We're gonna have to file
an injury report.

You bet you are. Tell him.
Tell him what happened.

I was downstairs
getting a case of scotch,

and there's that one low beam.

What happened here?

Can you believe this guy
winning 12 million bucks in the lottery?

I mean, talk about
beating the odds.

Yeah. You want to talk
about beating the odds,

my Uncle Spence fell 20,000 feet
from an airplane

and hit the only pile
of hay for two miles.

Jeez. He must be the luckiest man
on Earth.

Well, not really. He went
through the propeller first.

There's the scariest human being
I've ever seen in my life.

Boy, yeah. Remind me to congratulate
the doctor who created him.

Who's Sam?

Yeah, that's me. Are you Tiny?
I'll be right with you.

Uh, Sam, you ought
to think about

wearing those reading glasses
all the time.

That guy's huge.

No, no, no. It's his name.
Tiny's his name.

He was the bouncer
at that biker bar.

I figure if we're going
to have that crowd in here,

I might as well have him around.
What do you think?

Oh, please, Sam.
If I promise to feed him,

can I keep him?

I'll ask him. Hey, Tiny,

why don't you fill out this application
so I can start checking your references?

That's nuts.
Sam's wasting his money.

I could have done that job.

Sure. I'm taking karate down at the Y--

The Y.

So, Tiny, huh?

That's a pretty funny nickname,

given, you know, how big you are.

Why? You making fun of my name?

You think I got a joke name?

You think I'm
some kind of joke?

Tell Vera I loved her.

Hey, wait. Whoa. Excuse me here.

Tiny, there, my main man.

Step into my office.

I'll take care of this,
Normie.

You see, Tiny, uh, you know,

calling you Tiny,
a guy of your, you know, girth,

is what we in the comedy profession
call a juxtaposition.

Okay? Juxtaposition.

See, it's, uh...
calling a bald guy Curly,

fat guy Slim,

tall guy...

Shorty, see?

I like that. You're smart.

Why, thank you.

No. That's your new nickname. Get it?

I made a joke.

And a fine joke it is, too, sir.

Hey, guys.

Now, I know you sent me out
for snack food,

but I found this place called
The Healthy Alternative.

They have all your favorite munchies,
only organic,

with tofu and soy
and that sort of thing.

So I drove right past it,
went to the grocery store

and got you a big box
of Fiddle Faddle.

Lilith, I'm so jealous of you.

Excuse me?

I saw you outside.

After seven years of marriage,

how do you guys keep
your relationship so hot?

I don't know what you mean.

Outside, I saw you in the car.

You were all over him.

God, it was great.

You were steaming
up the windows

like a couple of teenagers.

Well, I've just
won five games in a row.

When you're hot, you're hot!

Oh, hi, Buttercup.

Now that's odd.

He's here.
I just saw you two out in the...

Oh, my God.

What's the matter?

Nothing. Rebecca and I just have to have
a little talk in the office.

- It's private.
- Oh, my God.

Anything I can help with?

No. I can handle it ably on my own.

Well, I'm here if you need me.

Lilith, I don't want to hear this.

Calm down, Rebecca.

I've got enough to deal with
without you going berserk on me.

Yes, that was me
you saw in the car,

and obviously the man
with me was not Frasier.

Lilith, you are having an affair!

It isn't an affair.
It was a one-time fling.

I've been working side by side
with this man for months,

and I'm afraid our latent desires
just got the better of us.

It's the old story,
one moment we were feeding the lab rats,

and the next thing we knew,
we were in a hotel room.

What you saw was me
saying good-bye to him.

Well, then he must be
hard-of-hearing.

You had his ear in your mouth.

We both know it was a mistake.

It will never happen again.

What are you gonna do now?

There's only one thing I can do.

I have to tell Frasier.

Now until I find the time
to tell him in my own way,

you must promise me you're not going
to say anything to him about this.

How the hell am I
going to do that?

What?

Because this is juicy stuff.

The more I'm sitting here thinking
that I should keep my mouth shut,

the more I want to just go out there
and blab it all over.

I know that's wrong,
but it's just me.

Please, Rebecca, you only have
to control yourself for a little while.

Frasier and I are going to have dinner
with another couple up at Melville's,

and as soon as it's over,
I'll break it to him.

Lilith, you have a big problem.

Yes, I know. My entire marriage
is on extremely shaky ground.

No, I mean you only have
about an hour until I blow.

Hi. Welcome to Cheers.

You want to feel the
plate in my head?

I can make it move.

No. We're just looking for friends,
and they're not here. So bye.

Sammy, that guy's making me
a little nervous, okay?

What are you talking about?
The guy's great.

He's already stopped two fights,
keeping everybody in line.

Best of all, he thinks minimum wage
is $2.00 an hour.

What? You're cheating him
out of 50 cents an hour?

Boy, I'll tell you,
having Tiny in this bar

is about the most exciting thing
that's happened around here in a long time.

Maybe it is, and maybe it isn't.

I think the most exciting thing,

contrary to your belief, Carla,

was when Sammy fiddled
around with the cable box,

and we were able to get
the playboy channel all day long.

Well, you know, some people
that didn't know any better

might think that that was interesting.

How about last week
when Phil told us that he did time?

- That was juicy.
- Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Real juicy.

I don't think so.

What are you
trying to say, Rebecca?

I'm trying to say that
I have got major dish

bottled up inside me,
and it's just dying to get out.

All right. Here it comes.
I can feel it.

It's coming up through my chest.

I feel it in my throat.

It's--

Lilith is having an affair.

So, Phil, what did you
do time for?

I held up a Piggly Wiggly.

Can I now get on
with my life, please?

Is the, uh, TV
too loud for you folks?

Tiny, TV's not actually on.

Then why do I keep hearing
the Kill 'Em, Tiny Show?

Sammy, you heard that.

The guy is nuts.

Maybe you're right.
Maybe I should just talk to him.

Tiny, can I talk to you
for a second?

Yo.

How are you doing?

Uh, great, Sam.

Listen, don't you worry.

There won't be trouble
in here while I'm around.

I just hope somebody tries.

You want me to tell you what I'm gonna do
if somebody starts some trouble?

Uh, no, actually,

I don't think I want to hear that, man.

Okay. But I did draw you a picture.

Well, okay.

Oh, my God.

Uh...

So did you want
to tell me something?

Uh, no, no.

Uh, just, uh,
carry on, carry on.

Okay.

Carla.

Look what this guy drew.

That's nothing.

I got worse than that
on my refrigerator.

Here is my question.

I had the seafood salad.
You had the poached salmon.

Neither of us had any appetizers.

They had appetizers and soup

and the lobster special,

and yet we split
the meal 50-50.

Now, am I wrong
or did we just get royally ripped?

Frasier, we need to talk.

You're darn right we do. I don't know
if I want them as friends anymore.

No, I mean I have to tell you something
that's rather serious.

What is it, Lilith?

In fact, I dare say
you're gonna find it extremely upsetting.

All right.

Well, I think we should
discuss it at home.

No, no, Lilith.

You just don't tell someone
that you're going to upset them

and then just let them dangle.

Whatever it is,
just tell me right now.

I'll be upset, then I'll get over it,
we can go on with our lives.

Please, let's just go home.

No, Lilith, I want to know right now.

All right, if you must know immediately,
I'll tell you.

Have a seat.

Oh, great.
It's "have a seat" bad.

Just give me a minute
to brace myself.

I know. I'll simply imagine
the worst thing you could possibly tell me,

and whatever your news is,
it will pale by comparison.

In fact, whatever it is,
it'll be a relief.

Okay. Okay, uh...

what is the worst thing I can imagine?

All right. I've got it.
Lilith, your news, please.

This afternoon, in a moment of
extreme weakness...

I cheated on you.

That was it!
That was the worst thing!

Try to remain calm.

How can I remain calm when you tell me
you've slept with another man?

You slut!

I-- I-- I can't believe that.

I knew the whole time.

I have known it
for over an hour,

and I didn't say a word to anybody.

I kept the secret

I kept--

Tragic, isn't it?

You're still angry,
aren't you?

How can you tell?

The fact that this park bench

used to be chained
to that cement block

next to the Statue of George Washington.

I wanted to be alone.

This is a very serious
matter, Frasier.

Yes, it is serious, Lilith.

However, I will refrain from indulging
in the clichéd reactions...

The rage, the crying, the screaming,
the hurling of epithets,

tramp, whore, slut,
floozy, bitch, ad infinitum.

You did call me slut.

Yes, but I didn't call you a tramp,
whore, floozy, or bitch.

I have too much respect for you,
even though you have been a slut.

Of course you deserve to know everything
that happened, and why.

All I want to know is who.

Who it is doesn't matter.
This is about us.

The identity of the other person
is irrelevant.

Fine, Lilith. I respect that.

It'll be just one more...
secret between us,

one more brick in the wall.

All right.

It was my colleague,

the distinguished research scientist
Dr. Louis Pascal.

The bald guy?

Frasier...

I never meant to hurt you,
but for so long now, I have felt so alone.

It seems we can't talk
without getting into a fight.

Even the smallest conversation
erupts into bickering.

- Just goes on...
- I see what's going on here!

I can't believe
I didn't think of this sooner.

I'm such a dope!

What are you talking about?

- You're in your mid-30s, right?
- Yes.

It's perfectly natural for you to be
examining your life right now.

You're comparing the expectations
you had of yourself in the past

with what you've actually achieved
up to now.

- Frasier, that--
- Wait. Let me finish.

And how many years have
we been married? Seven.

Perfect time for you to be
re-examining our relationship.

You're practically a cliché!

Frasier, I am not a cliché.

- I'm talking about--
- Oh, please!

You got hit with
the old double whammy.

Of course you had a fling!
And why wouldn't you?

Thank God! For a while,
I thought we had a problem!

Frasier, you're not listening to me.

"You're not listening to me.'
Right out of the textbook.

I can't tell you
how annoying this is.

Of course you can. Volumes have been
written on how annoying analysis can get.

Frasier, I'm gonna ask you
one more time.

This is our marriage we're talking about,
our lives.

Stop being a psychiatrist
and start being my husband.

All right, Lilith.

I'll be your husband.

For seven years now,

we've tried to build
something together,

and I think we've done
a pretty good job.

It's not worth throwing it all away

on something so empty,
meaningless, and unfulfilling.

Actually...

Look, I don't want to hear it!

Frasier, don't you see
that this incident

is symptomatic
of much larger problems?

We can work on that.

We owe it to our marriage.

But you must march over to Pascal

and tell him in no uncertain terms
that you will never see him again.

Very well.

I'll go now.

Certainly you're being
very rational about this,

very civilized.

Well, I'm nothing if not civilized.

By the way,

this Pascal...

is he married?

No.

Why?

I thought I could bag his wife,
even the score.

I'm sorry. I'm venting.

Go.

People. Sheesh!

Think they'd never seen
a blowtorch scar before.

Who took a blowtorch to you?

I did. I let myself down.

Nobody lets Tiny down.

Sammy, you've got to
get rid of that guy.

All right. All right.

Let him go.

I'll fire him.

Say, Tiny,

could you step over
here for a second?

Listen, I want to talk to you
about the job for a minute.

I want you to know

it's not that we don't like
having you here,

It's just that...
Well...

Knock knock.

I'm sorry. What?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The dead guy.

Oh, boy.

The, uh, dead guy who?

The dead guy that I killed. Get it?

I thought I'd heard them all, man.

So, uh... what were you
saying about the job?

Uh, well... it's just that, uh...

We-- we were all... talking...

We have decided to make you
the employee of the month.

Thank you.

Yeah. All right.

Sam, what gives?

I been working my butt off for you
for seven years,

and you're making Tiny
the employee of the month?

Not now, man. I'm trying to figure
a way to get rid of him.

Boy, you're one fickle guy.

All right, please.
Please. Help me out here.

Can I just be the voice
of reason here

and suggest that we keep Tiny?

Personally, I think he's a welcome addition
to the Cheers family.

Please. We got to do this, Carla.

I get it. This is an ego thing, huh? Right?

A handsome man
comes into this bar,

and you just can't
stand it, can you?

Wait. Hold it.
I've got an idea.

I got an idea. Listen, come here.

What we do is we tell him
that Cheers is built

on an ancient burial ground,
and we scare him out of here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got one.

No, this is very
popular nowadays.

We tell him we got a radon gas,
very deadly,

seeping up through the floorboards,
and we're all goners anyways.

What about a bomb threat?

What about treating him
like a human being with feelings?

No, that would never--

Aw, man. I'm sorry.

We never, we...

I'm big, not deaf, and I'll go now.

Nice working with you folks.

Greetings, all.

Hey, Frasier.
what can we get you?

Uh... just a scotch, please, Sam.

Boy, what a day I've had.

I'd like to unwind.

I think I've earned it.

Coming right up, Dr. Crane.

I've really
earned it, Woody.

I mean this was
a real bad day.

I'll tell you
when to stop, Woody!

One more, Woody.

One more for the...

The big stooge.

One more for the big loser.

One more for the big boob.

Hey, hear that?
Frasier wants to buy you guys a drink.

Woody, Woody.
Come to me for a moment here.

Listen...

When you go home tonight
to your wife Kelly,

you treat her right.

You promise me...

Treat her right.

Hell of a woman.

If I wasn't married,
I'd be all over her like white on rice.

That perky little
caboose of hers!

Here you go.

What's this?

That's black coffee
on the house.

Very generous.

You guys are true friends
to stand by me in my hour of need.

Frase, come on, we all know
what you're going through.

Oh. Oh, do you, Norm?

What if you found out
Vera was sleeping with another man?

Yeah, right.
And what if it rained beer?

I want you all to know
I'm not blaming her.

It's because of me

that my life is in the arms
of another man.

Oh, you mean wife,
don't you, Dr. Crane?

What? You said "life."

"It's because of me my life
is in the arms of another man."

That's a Freudian slip, there, Wood.

What's a Freudian slip?

That's when you say one thing

when you're actually
thinking about a mother.

Frasier?

I need to speak
with you in private.

Oh, no, you don't.

I want everyone here to hear
what I've got to say to you.

Lilith, I realize

that it is I and not
you who are to blame.

Whatever you've done...

I'm sure I gave you
ample reason for it.

I've been... arrogant, overbearing,

selfish, self-absorbed.

I've spent way too much time
in this place.

I really think we should go
somewhere else to discuss this.

No, Lilith, so you had a fling. So what?

I've put all that behind me.

I forgive you.

And I... I take you back
with open arms.

I'm sorry, Frasier.

I wanted to break it off
with Dr. Pascal,

but I'm afraid it's more serious
than I thought.

I think I'm in love with him,

and I'm leaving you.

Well, this is...

Twice today that I've...

publicly made a fool of myself.

Aw, you get used to it, Doc.