All language subtitles for Cheers.S11E03.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

- Woody's a married man, huh?
- Yeah.

Yeah, what a lucky guy.

Indeed, he is.

There's nothing like wedded bliss.

Plus, he's got that wedding ring.

Now, that is a real babe magnet.

Please, it's an old wives' tale.

- Not so.
- Yeah?

Oh, it's been scientifically proven

that women are
more attracted to married men.

The whole notion is ridiculous.

Look, I'll... I'll prove it to you.

You see those two attractive
young females over there?

I'll go over and hit on them relentlessly,
all the while displaying my wedding ring.

See how long it takes them
to give me the cold shoulder.

Hi.

You two ladies
need some company?

Oh, sure, I'm married, but,
you know, I'm not dead.

I figure, well...

Lilith is here, isn't she?

- Sam Malone.
- Yeah, over here.

- GNS Amusements.
- Oh, great.

Sign here, please.

Hey, fellas, listen up, you know how

I've been trying to hustle up
more business for the bar?

Well, I think this baby's just the ticket.

Cheers is now the proud owner
of a blood pressure tester.

That's... that's great, Sammy.

I think we ought to get
some velvet ropes outside

to handle the lines.

No, no, come on, will you?
Lighten up here, this could be fun.

What the hell is this?
They sent me a slot machine.

Well, I lived kind of a
sheltered girlhood, but offhand,

I'd say this looks like
a Gametime model 36X

with remodeled sprockets,
triple-action tumblers.

"The Big Boy."

A slot machine.

I've never played one of these,
but I've always wanted to.

Hey, hey, come on, no, don't...
don't do that, please, it's illegal.

This is the last thing
this bar needs.

I'm gonna call
and tell them to take it back.

It's just as well, Rebecca.

These are the devil's own machines.

They systematically rob you
of your cash and your dignity,

one nickel at a time.
Allow me to demonstrate.

Oh, hey, come on,
Frasier, don't do that.

No, relax, Sam.
This is merely for educational purposes.

Good-bye, nickel.

Free money!

The doctor is hot!

Excuse me, sir. I represent
a market research company.

- We're doing a survey.
- Oh, I'm really not interested.

- Thanks.
- Okay.

- How about you, sir?
- Okay.

We're looking for volunteers
to taste several brands of beer.

Excuse me, Paul,
we were having a conversation here.

You were saying?

Well, if you're available,
just come to this address

- at 2:00 this afternoon.
- 2:00, sure.

Hey, listen, what exactly do I do?

Well, you'll be in a room
with several other volunteers,

and you'll be tasting
several varieties of beer.

We'll pay you for your time.

Excuse me, sir.

This is gonna sound
like an odd question, but...

...by any chance,
were you born in a manger?

You've been selected
to take part in this study

due to your ages
and your drinking preferences.

Norm, there seems to be a typo
here on your average beer intake.

Wow.

Now, gentlemen,
I'd like you to each take a sip

from sample A
and give me your impressions.

Ray, what do you think?

Would you serve this beer
in your home?

Yeah, sure.

- And Chuck?
- Very tasty...

Good aftertaste, too.

- And Norm.
- I don't know.

Didn't you just drink some?

Yeah, but it wasn't in my mouth
long enough to really taste it.

Hold it in your mouth a little longer.

Try savoring it for a second,
and then swallow it.

This is great.

Wow, does anyone else know
about this savoring thing?

Now try to describe the taste.

Well, it's kind of sweet,
but kind of tangy, too.

- You know what I mean?
- Yeah... very observant.

- Yeah.
- What about sample B?

It's kind of tart.

Actually, I thought
it was kind of sweet.

No, no, fellas. It's really... it's...
it's more of a smoky thing.

- Right again.
- Yeah.

That's the new mash
that they're using.

You're amazing, Norm.

- What about, sample C?
- Let's see.

Now, this one misses for me, okay?

It's like the carbonation is...

Is fighting the flavor,
and the flavor is losing.

This is really getting too easy for me.

You want to challenge me a bit here?

Okay.

Let's try samples D through V.

Oh, D through V.
Now, hang on a second.

I may need to cleanse my palate.

Do you have any pizza?

Oh, Carla, you're not supposed
to be playing that, it's illegal.

So is watering drinks.

Good luck to you.

Come to mama.

Come on, come on, come on.

Darn it, this machine hates me!

Say, Rebecca, can I give it a try?

Go ahead, Paul.
It's obviously empty.

Hey, hey.

Wow!

Nine nickels.

Hey, I wonder, if those chicks
over there saw me win, huh?

Yeah, Paul.

I'm sure the lack of that 45 cents
is what kept you out of that ménage.

Come on... come on.

Be there, be there.

Damn!

What is wrong with this machine?

Frasier won, Paul won, Carla won.

Maybe it just hates women.

- Afternoon, everybody.
- Norm!

What's the story, Norm?

Boy meets beer.
Boy drinks beer.

Boy gets another beer.

In this performance, the role of the boy
will be played by Norm Peterson.

Sammy, I want you to pour a round
for the house and put it on my tab.

Oh, thank you.

What's the occasion there, big guy?

Well, I think I got a job.

- Hey, all right, Normie.
- All right, everybody.

Stand back,
I'll take care of this.

All right, mister, I don't know
what pod you crawled out of...

...but you're not welcome
in our world.

Now, go in peace
and give us our Normie back.

Seriously, remember that beer
tasting survey group?

Turns out they value
my opinion so much,

they want me to try
out at the brewery.

All right.

Who'd have thought I have
a knack for something?

Okay, now, listen up, you.

This is my last nickel.
Now, I'm not asking for a lot.

I just want you to hit, just once.

Please... for me.

Why do you hate me?

- Becs.
- What?

- Come here.
- What do you want?

You are acting crazy.

You're standing there
talking to a machine,

pretending like it cares
who's feeding it nickels.

It doesn't have anything
against you personally.

You're right. Thank you.

And why are you whispering?

I don't want it to hear
me talking to you.

Pardon me, are you Mike?

Hey, you must be
the new guy, Norm?

- Yeah, hi.
- Yeah, I'll be your supervisor.

Oh, great.

I was looking over
your sample comments,

and, well, must say
they're very impressive.

- Thank you.
- Now, remember, this is just a trial,

but I think you're gonna do great.

- Thanks, sir.
- The job's very simple.

You'll drink random samples of beer
off the line and give us your opinion.

That's it.

Well...

You ready to see
the brewery, Norm?

Oh, I've been ready for 43 years, sir.

You'll be sampling beer

and submitting your comments
to the master brewer

who will evaluate them,
and in turn, he'll...

Are you... are you crying, Norm?

Nah, just got something
in my eye there.

I'll get you a Kleenex.

Honey, I'm home.

Hey, Mike.

Look, if you don't mind,
I'm gonna knock off for lunch, okay?

Yeah, sure.

You had a great first week, Norm.

You don't have to tell me, sir.
It was the happiest week of my life.

- Here you go, Norm.
- Huh? What's this?

It's your paycheck.

Oh, no, sir, I couldn't.

No, no, absolutely not, not for this.

- Go ahead, take it!
- Really?

You've earned it.
You know, you were right

about that timer being off
on number three tank.

That's...

That's something our computer
should have picked up a long time ago.

Well, sir, a computer can't love.

As far as I'm concerned,
the job is yours.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

- There's just one more thing.
- Yeah?

- It's mostly a formality...
- Yeah.

...but, well, you have
to meet with Mr. Hoff me yer,

the president of the brewery.

Now, if Hoff me yer likes you,
well, you're all set.

- What kind of guy is he?
- Oh, he's... a bit of a tough cookie,

but if you take your work seriously,
you'll do just fine.

Okay. Well, I'd be glad to meet the guy.

- Good.
- Listen, if you don't mind right now,

I've been tasting beer
all morning, okay?

So, I'm just gonna take a break,
change my clothes

and go over to Cheers
and hoist a few.

You're...

You're kidding, right?

Yeah. These clothes will be fine.

Come on. Big money.

Come on. Big money.

Oh, show me I'm not a loser.

Can't believe
you're still playing this thing.

Sam, I have pulled
that handle 578 times,

and this machine
has given me nothing.

Well, may... maybe it's broken.

Let me try it here. Give me that.

No. No. It's you, all right.

Come on. Big money.

I hate to see her beating
herself up like that.

Yeah, I agree.

If there was just some way
that she could win, even once.

It might serve to break her fatalism
and bolster her self-esteem.

Plus, maybe then I'd get a shot,
cause I am hot, hot, hot!

Well, there must be some way
we can fix that machine

so you can win just one time.

Now you're good
at this stuff, Carla.

- Can't you rig it?
- Why should I?

Well, because she'd
feel better about herself,

you know, maybe even feel happy.

No, really. Why should I?

Because there's
a $20 bill in it for you.

Deal.

I'd have done it for ten.
No wonder you're going out of business.

- Afternoon, everybody.
- Norm!

A little bus man's holiday, Norm?

No. None of those fancy drinks
for me, Sammy.

Just give me a beer.

See this, boys? Huh?

An actual paycheck.

Tell you what, Sammy.

Earning a salary does something
for a guy's self-esteem.

For the first time in years,
I'm actually making an honest living.

Oh, look at that.

This says Norm Peterman.

That's cause Norm Peterson
is still drawing unemployment, thank you.

Well, Norm, I must say
I've never seen you look happier

- or more fulfilled.
- Well, thanks, Fras.

I still don't have
the job officially yet.

I got to meet the
president of the brewery.

But I tell you what,
I feel like I've found my calling.

That's a wonderful feeling, isn't it?

You know, I remember
the first day I decided

to go into the healing arts.

Yeah, just the thought
of helping my fellow man...

...it gave me a sense of purpose,
a mission in life.

Oh, surprise, surprise!

Mrs. Davis.
"I had a bad childhood."

Join the club, sister!

I'm all out of nickels.
Does anybody have a nickel?

Hey, hey, where's
that tip jar of Carla's?

- No.
- Well, I would pay her back.

Going a little bit
overboard here, aren't you?

After all, it's just
a silly little machine.

It's not a silly machine, Norman.
It is... It is a metaphor for life.

It is. Everybody gets
to pull the handle,

and sometimes they win,
and sometimes they lose.

But I always lose.

I pull the handle,
and I get cherry, lemon, bell!

Rebecca, has it ever occurred
to you that maybe the reason

you always lose is because
you think you're going to lose?

Oh, don't give me that crap!

I tried that positive thinking stuff,

and I knew it wouldn't work,
and sure enough, it didn't!

You are overanalyzing things.

You got to live in the moment.
Take life as it comes, okay?

You start thinking too much,
everything falls apart.

Norm, how do you not
think too much?

You're getting ready
for the biggest interview of your life!

If I were you,
I would be a nervous wreck.

You know, I had a shot at my dream job.

Yeah?

And I did really, really well.

And then it came time for me
to meet the big boss, and I choked.

I went in, and I complimented him,

and then I realized,
"Oh, God, I'm kissing up."

So I took back the compliment,

and then it looked
like I was insulting him.

So then I started telling jokes,
and they were really bad.

And then, the next thing I knew,

I was singing

"knick Knack Paddy Whack" song.

And I was just singing
and singing at the top of my lungs.

And I just kept burying myself
deeper and deeper.

And I lost my dream job.

And when I walked out

of that House of Pancakes,
I felt two inches tall.

Well, Rebecca, that's about
the most depressing thing

I've ever heard in my life.

Hey, don't... Norm, don't listen to me.

It'll just bring you down.
And you know what?

I've been a jinx my entire life,

but that's me, that isn't you.

- You're gonna do great.
- Thanks.

- Good luck.
- Well, thanks a lot, Rebecca.

And for what it's worth,
I don't think you're a jinx, all right?

Thanks.

Ah, Norm.

Mr. Hoffmeyer's on his way.

Now remember,
this is just a formality.

He's heard all kinds
of good things about you,

and, well, I'm sure
that as soon as he meets you,

you'll be a permanent part
of this brewery.

You seem a little nervous.
Are you, Norm?

No. No.

Oh, Mr. Hoff me yer,

I'd like you to meet
our star taster, Norm.

Norm, Mr. Hoff me yer.

Norm, I hear you're doing
excellent work for us.

Thank you very much, sir.

Nice pants.

I can't believe I just said that.

Look, I'm not trying to kiss up, sir.

I take back what I said
about those pants, okay?

Not that they're not nice pants.
I mean, of course they are.

They're great pants, you know.
I just don't want you to think

that all I'm doing is
looking at your pants.

I'm also looking at your face, sir,

and your shirt, your tie,
all of which are lovely.

Like a manly kind of lovely.
You know what I mean?

Good Lord, I'm not making
much sense, am I, sir?

Let me just start all over again.

Hello. My name is Norm Pants.

That didn't come
out right, either, did it?

I'm gonna laugh
about that one tonight, sir.

And I'm sure you will, too,

when you take those
pants off tonight.

Not that I'm thinking about you
taking your pants off, sir!

Nothing could be
further from the truth!

I mean, well, now,
don't get me wrong.

It's not like I would be grossed out
if you took your pants off.

Go ahead, run around
naked for all I care!

After all, you'll do
whatever you want to do.

You're Mr. Hoff me yer,
for crying out loud!

Oh, come on, lighten up, will you?!

Why are you such a sourpuss?

Come on. What's it going to take
to put a smile on that face, huh?

With a knick knack paddy whack,
Give a dog a bone

This old man came rolling home!

Sorry about the job there, Norm.

Oh, don't worry about it, Cliff.
What are you going to do?

I had my dream job
for a week, and I lost it.

But you've got to look on the...
on the bright side, you know.

I mean, somebody could
walk up to me tomorrow,

tap me on the shoulder, say,

"Hey, we want you to sample
various types of pretzels."

You know?

Or pizza.

Could happen.

Maybe, big guy.

Well, I did it.
I rigged the machine.

The next person who pulls that handle

is going to be up
to their knees in nickels.

All right, now, don't you feel good?

I mean, doesn't it
make you feel happy

to know you did something
for a fellow human being?

Isn't that what life's
really all about?

You don't have
my 20 bucks, do you, Sam?

It's been kind of
a slow week, honey. I...

Now, wait, wait, wait.

Norm.

I just wanted to tell you how sorry
I am about this afternoon.

Rebecca, for the hundredth
time, please relax.

It wasn't your fault.

I did it myself.
I choked under pressure.

Well, I felt so guilty that I went out
and got us this quart of ice cream.

This is what we losers do, Norm.

We just drown our sorrows in ice cream.

But you know what?

At least we're not alone.

We have each other.

You're not going to
kiss me again, are you?

Cause I still have to drive home.

Oh! Hey, look at that.

These are nickels, I guess, huh?

Say, why don't you play
the slot machine one more time?

Because I will lose.
Where have you been all week?

No. You know,
I feel good about this.

Why don't you give it
one more shot?

- No.
- Oh, come on!

What's it gonna take
for you to understand

that I will never win?

- All right, fine, fine.
- Come on.

Everybody step up while Lady Luck
thumbs her nose at Rebecca Howe.

I got my nickel back.

I thought that thing
was supposed to pay off.

It's been paying off all week.
I guess it's empty.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Sorry?

This has never
happened to me before.

I broke even.

I've never broken even before.

I'm not a loser.

I'm a break-evener.

Norm is a loser.
See him eating his ice cream?

You know what this means?
It means that my life isn't so terrible.

It's... It's so-so!

Isn't this great?!

Hey, guys,

did Rebecca call me a loser?

I'm afraid so, Norm.

Good. I thought she said,
"Leave me some."