All language subtitles for Cheers.S10E18.License.to.Hill.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Hey, Woody, come here a second.
Something's really bugging me.

Whatever it is,

I don't know what you're talking about.

'Cause I've never
lied about anything.

This is Woody, remember?

Company man, team player, true blue.

You know, maybe if you turn
that microscope on yourself,

you might find some things
that aren't so pretty.

I can't work
in this atmosphere,.

All this suspicion
and this constant interrogation.

What do you people
want from me?

I didn't do anything, all right?
I'm telling you, I'm innocent.

Okay. Okay.

You remember three months ago
that day I called in sick?

Woody--

Sam, shut up.
It's my turn to talk.

I was sick,

but a couple hours later
I started feeling better.

I could have come in
for half a day, but

instead I stayed home
and did laundry and watched Oprah

'cause she had circus freaks on.

I'm so ashamed.

Oh, good.
That feels better.

I've been carrying
that around for three months.

I was just going to say,

your tag's sticking up
on your sweater here.

Oh.

Well, then forget
I said anything.

I was just kidding,
you see.

I was just kidding you.

I think I covered
pretty well.

Good afternoon,
Miss Tortelli.

Well, if it isn't
John Cougar Melonhead.

Thank you for last night,
Miss Tortelli.

I wasn't with you
last night.

I know, and don't think
I don't appreciate it.

Oh, Sam.

Yes, John.
What can I do for you?

Sam, I have
a small request.

For the next three hours,

I need you
and the rest of the Cheers chimps

to hold down the noise.

Right now I'm entertaining
200 elderly women

from the Daughters
of the American Revolution.

You're giving them
a firsthand account, John?

Very amusing.

Sam, this vent connects
directly to my dining room,

and often we can hear
everything you say down here.

So tell your mailman

to go to that side of the bar

if he wants to describe
his fungal infections.

You know, I have
to second that.

Oh, sure, John.

Heck, you should have come down
and told us sooner.

We'll be happy
to oblige.

Well, thank you, Sam.

That's uncharacteristically civil of you.

Oh. if you all
behave yourselves

for the next three hours,

maybe I'll take you out
for ice cream.

Would you like that?

Why don't you just get lost,
you sweathog.

Sewer rat.

Bag of bones.

Maggot.

Am I the only one

who finds him
really attractive?

Can you believe that guy?

He's so
damn condescending.

Sammy, not so loud.

He'll get angry,
and we won't get the ice cream.

I think
I'm onto something.

Yeah, yeah.
Here you go.

Eek! Eek!
Oh, there's a rat!

Oh, my God!
There's another big rat!

I think that was
very successful.

Except you got a bunch
of dust in my beer here, Sam.

I'm sorry. I'll get you another one.

Sam.

Before I spend the remainder
of the afternoon

trying to sort out
whose walker is whose,

I want to
say one thing.

I live for the day

when I can
close this bar down

and put you out
on the street.

He doesn't scare me.

You ought to see him
with just a night light on.

Hey, everybody.

I got everything we need
for our marathon poker fest.

Yeah? Did you bring the chips?

Yeah. I got red ones,
blue ones, white ones.

No, no. The chips--

Ranch, mesquite,
sour cream.

Don't you have any idea
how to play this game?

So, you guys are having a big poker game?

Yeah.

I always wanted to learn
how to play that game.

You've never
played poker, Woody?

No. Played all kinds
of card games in Hanover,

but never poker.

I was pretty good, too.

I won all the time.

Yeah. Chicken in a box,

one-eyed rooster,
possum on a pole.

What kind of games
are that?

No, no. That's what
the winner got.

You know, guys,

I think it's time Woody learned
how to play a little poker.

Really?
Thanks a lot.

How can I
ever thank you guys?

We'll think
of a way, Woody.

Say, you guys got room for one more?

Oh, yeah, okay.
It's all right with us.

Got to warn you, we're gonna be
playing into the wee smalls.

You might want to check
with the old ball-and-crane.

I don't have to ask Lilith if I can play.

I'm an independent person.
I can make my own decisions.

It's all right with me, Frasier.

I wasn't asking.

Regardless, I still approve.

Well, approve all you want to.
I don't care.

I'm going to play poker, stay out late.

Stay out all night
if you like.

- You have my permission.
- Stop it.

Very well, Frasier.

Please stay home
with your wife and child.

We need you.

Forget it, woman. Gotta be me.

Let's party, boys!

Sammy, are you in?

No. I got to make sure
things run out here.

I can't concentrate on the game
and the bar at the same time.

What about me?
What am I here for?

Right. And I have to worry about
Rebecca, too.

You know, Sam,
that really ticks me off.

If you don't appreciate
what I do,

why don't I just quit?

Oh, come on,
sweetheart,

I appreciate everything
you do around here.

-Really?
-Yeah.

What do I do?

Well...

Come on. Don't back me
in a corner like this.

So it's not worth it
to have me around.

I'm useless.
Is that it?

Come on, honey,
you are real valuable around here

doing... all the things
that you do.

All right?

All right. Fine.
If it'll make you feel better,

I'll go play a little poker, all right?
You take care of things out here.

Okay, don't think that I can't.

I mean, I am competent.
I am damn competent.

I mean, I'm not just some lackey

who carries receipts around
in this cigar box all day long.

I mean, I know what I'm doing.
I have a business degree.

And I have a lot
of experience.

And I am very, very, very good

at doing...

...all the things
that I do.

Like what?

Hey, come on, don't back me
in the corner here.

You know,
there is nothing like a good cigar.

And this is nothing
like a good cigar.

This blanket ought to keep the smoke
away from the customers.

Good idea, Sammy.
More for us.

Guys, I got to be honest with you,
I was just trying to hustle you out there.

I do know
how to play poker.

And to tell you the truth,
I was the best poker player in Hanover.

Actually, I was
the best poker player

in the entire
metro-Hanover area.

Well, you're in
the city now, Woody.

Well, I guess
you do play different

than a bunch of farm boys.

I guess we do.

Why don't you sit down, Woodrow?

Well, thanks.

Take it easy on me.

Oh, yeah. Okay.

So, what sort of game
would you like to play?

How about...

...Five Blind Piglets
and One Full Teat?

What kind of game
is that?

That's where five city boys
lose all their money.

Oh, Lilith, being in charge again
is so invigorating.

I feel great.

This will
really show Sam.

Bravo.

Some men still
need to learn

that women
can take on roles

traditionally
held by men

and perform them
as well or better.

We live in an era
of female brain surgeons,

astronauts, supreme
court justices.

And bar managers.

Yes.

Do you see the nifty way

I always
keep this down.

It creates much more surface area
for new drinks.

Coming through.

Of course I still have to
iron out a few of the kinks.

Oh, hey, Rebecca.

This letter came back.

Oh, dear.

I must have put
the wrong postage on it.

- Uh-oh.
- What?

It's a renewal for
our liquor license.

And... I was supposed
to have sent it in

two weeks ago.

What are you saying?

We have
no liquor license?

Yeah.

Do you realize
we're serving alcohol in here?

I mean, they can
shut us down forever.

I know. I'm okay.
I'm okay.

I'm in charge. This is a crisis,
that's right, but I can handle this.

I will simply call the
state liquor board

and I will tell them
I screwed up.

And I'm sure
they'll understand.

What are we supposed to do
in the meantime?

No one will know
if we don't say anything.

So you just keep
your mouth shut.

You're to tell no one.
Do you understand? No one.

Gotcha.

- Where are you going?
- To tell Sam.

No. if you tell Sam,

he won't even let me
carry the cigar box around.

That's why I'm going
to tell him.

All right, you evil thing.

What do you want?

Let's see.
What do you think would be fair?

Say, Carla, we're supposed
to be Rebecca's friends.

I could just
as easily say,

"Rebecca, I'm gonna tell Sam
unless you sleep with me."

Exactly.

So will you?

Paul, she forgot
to renew a liquor license.

She didn't burn down
an orphanage.

How's it going?

- Fine. Fine. I'm in charge.
- Good.

You don't even need
to come out here,

not even for a second.

I just want to get the fellas
some more beer.

If you need beer, I'll bring you the beer.

Sam, this is your day
to relax.

- Hey, Sammy.
- Paul!

Do you want to
go out with me tonight?

Just the two of us?

I suppose so.

Paul, you have something
you want to say?

Forget it. I just got lucky.

Rebecca.

You're going out to dinner with Paul?

Yes, I am.

You might want to think about
computer dating...

Ads in the personals
or something.

I'll bring you the beer.

Okay, Becs.
They said you just have to

go down to
the liquor license board

in the morning
and they'll rubber stamp the renewal.

- Oh, good.
- In the meantime

we just can't serve
any alcohol.

We can't serve any alcohol.
Fine. I can deal with that.

Miss, I'd like a Scotch
and soda, please.

We're all out of Scotch.

How about a bourbon?

We're out of bourbon.

What's that behind you?

I don't see anything.

Right there behind you.
all those bottles--

I said I don't see anything!

Carla.
Carla, it's all right.

Sir, here is your
Scotch and soda.

Rebecca.

It's all right.
I have a plan. Just watch this.

Here you go.
No, no, no, no.

I don't need any money.

I want you to take this
and just think of it

as a gift from me,

Rebecca Howe,
private citizen,

and in no way affiliated with this bar.

Thanks.

You see that?

That's all we have to do.
That's the answer.

All we have to do
is give everybody free alcohol

and not take
any money for it,

and this bar can stay
in business forever.

Ow!

Let me get that for you.

Ow!

Are you all right?

Yes. Just put it down.

Ow!

Rebecca, you're taking money
for a drink?

I thought the plan
was to give them away for free.

No. See, I realized
we couldn't really afford to do that

about $1,200 ago.

So now what we're doing
is tricking them.

You see, Carla and I
have taken all the bottles

and put colored water in them,
and we're serving

- non-alcoholic beer and soft drinks.
- Oh.

Can I have
a strawberry daiquiri, miss?

Oh, yes. Coming right up.

Kool-Aid
on crushed ice.

Hey, Rebecca.

Hi, Sam.

I came for some more beers
for the guys.

They're going through it
like it's water.

Well, it's not.

You sure everything
is going all right?

Yes. You'll get your beer.

- Just get back in there. Go on.
- All right.

This is very
interesting, Rebecca.

Allow me to help
in your little charade.

I'd like a Scotch, please.

I've done some acting
in my time.

Thank you.

Smooth.

That was
very good, Lilith.

You really have
a mischievous side to you.

I was the bad seed
in high school.

Whoo. Scary play.

Oh, that's right.
It was a play.

Excuse me, miss.

My rum and coke here tastes
an awful lot like coke and coffee.

Oh. Let me smell that.

Oh. That rum
smells pretty strong to me.

Hey, you know,

when you can't
smell or taste the alcohol,

that's a sign

that you might be
having a little a drinking problem.

Excuse me?

I think you ought to
get some help.

In the meantime,
how about another rum and coke?

We just put up
a fresh pot.

Forget it.

Look. Everybody is leaving.

So?

So if Sam finds out,
then he'll know something's wrong.

Come on, get those guys.
get them back here.

Excuse me, sir.

Can I talk to you
a minute?

Wow. What did you say to them?

I just told them that
in a few minutes,

you're going to
take off your clothes

and dance on the tables

in just your bra and panties.

Good thinking.

You sure everything's okay back here?

Yeah. Everything's
just fine.

Come on, baby!
Show us your stuff!

What's that?
What are they saying?

It's nothing.
I just have some stuff,

and they want
to see it.

Go on back in there.
Come on.

I'm just about ready
to get that beer for you.

Go on. There's
more beer on its way.

Carla, take some non-alcoholic
beer back there to those guys.

Thought you were
gonna do that.

I have a show to do.

Here you go, guys.
Your fifth round.

Hope you can
handle it.

What does that mean, Carla?

Nothing.

Wait. What did you
put in the beer?

Nothing.

You know, fellas,

normally, I'm
a great believer

in responsible
drinking,

but boy, this stuff
really goes down easy.

And besides, Ma knows
I'm out with the boys tonight.

If I don't come home
with a little glow on,

she'll tease me
till I cry.

All right, I call.

I got you this time, fellas.
Read 'em and weep.

Aces over tens.

That's it for me.

Oh, I'm sorry, Sam.

I got a couple of pairs,

eights and threes.

Woody, aces and tens
beat eights and threes.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Here's one more three.
full house.

I know I'm
the only one laughing,

but believe me,
it's really funny.

Woody, you're obnoxious,
gloating behavior

is not making you
any friends.

Well, boo-hoo,
Dr. Crane.

I can buy new friends.

All right. Deal the cards.

Come on, let's deal the cards.

Wait a minute. I was looking
for the queen of spades here.

And there is no
queen of spades in this deck.

I'm going to count
these cards.

Go ahead. Hey, guys.

Is it me or is this beer great?

Boy, maybe I should
hold off here.

I for one am getting
a little buzz on,

I'm here to tell you.

Hey, guys, listen.

I love you guys.

I told you hours ago--
Don't touch me.

As I suspected, there are only
51 cards in this deck.

All right, let's look
for the other one.

You bet we're gonna look for it,
and we're gonna find it, too,

or my name is not
Clifford C. Clavin.

Come on, take it easy.
You've had a little too much, haven't you?

Well, you relax,
buddy boy.

If one of us
is cheating,

one of us is not
getting out of here alive.

Here it is.
It's under Sammy's chair.

Oh, Sammy.

If you needed the money,
why didn't you just ask?

No one's excusing
anyone of cheating.

We just have to replay
the last hand.

Go ahead and deal them
out there, fella.

You want to hurry
it up there, Phil?

I've gotta get up early and pack
for my weekend in Nantucket.

Oh, a little pleasure trip?

No. Lilith's coming.

Five-card showdown, fellas.

All right.

Check.

Check.

Ah.

Oh, man. I'm out.

I'm out.

For crying out loud.

I'll call.

Three Aces.

Read 'em and weep there,
buddy boy.

Cliff.

You got five unmatched cards there.

That's right.

You guys you probably
thought I was bluffing.

Come to Papa.

Oh, boy.

I am so glad this night
is almost over.

I am just wiped out.

You know, Rebecca,
you've been through a lot tonight.

I was thinking
maybe I took advantage of you

when I asked you out.

Ever since my wife left me,

I've been sort of desperate
for female companionship.

I always say
the wrong thing.

So what it boils
down to is this--

If you'd rather
not go out with me, I'd understand.

That's sweet, Paul.

I'd be delighted
to go out with you tonight.

Bring your toothbrush.

Ohh.

Everything okay?

Would you quit coming
in here every five seconds

and asking me
if everything's okay.

What is it gonna take

before you believe that
everything is just fine?

State Liquor Board.
Nobody move. This is a raid.

What the hell's
going on here?

I'll handle this.
I'm the manager.

We understand
you're serving liquor here

without a license.

- Who owns this bar?
- He does.

What the hell's
going on here?

Mercy me, what is
going on here?

A raid?

Say it isn't so.

Will someone
please tell me

What the hell
is going on around here?

I'll tell you, Sam.

A little vent told me

your manager let your
liquor license expire.

Yes, but we did not serve
one drop of liquor here all night long.

You guys can check
any glass here.

It's clean.

You see.

I saved the day.

You saved the day?

You wouldn't have had
to save the day

if you hadn't
screwed it up in the first place.

Come on,
what were you thinking?

How could you do that? How could you
forget something like that?

You know, that could have
cost me my bar.

I mean, what do you got,
rocks in your head?

You know, I mean,
I did mail the thing in,

it's just that it came back.
I think there was just

something wrong with the stamp.

There's nothing wrong
with the stamp, you moron.

It's for 25 cents.

I put it on myself.

Postage is 29 cents.

Oh.

Well...
I'm out of here.

Why don't you go ahead
and close up.

After all,
you are the manager.

No, hold it a second.

You're the one
that screwed up.

I'm the one
that saved this bar.

Who's the moron now?

You're the one who
put this stamp on this letter

while I've been
scrambling around this bar tonight

trying to save it

without breaking
one law.

That's right.
I did that.

Me, Rebecca,
the moron.

Well, things are
going to change around here.

From now on,

I want a little
respect around this place.

You got that?

All right.

Because from
this day forward,

I will hold
my head up high,

Because I am
Rebecca Howe.

I am the manager
of Cheers.

That's why we always
keep the flap up.