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1
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:04,546
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:06,548
A little bit more
to the left there, Woody!
3
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:09,927
Perfect! Good, good!
4
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,178
- How's that?
- Nice!
5
00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:19,311
A little bit more
to the right, Wood.
6
00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,689
- Yeah, there. Good.
- There you go.
7
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,067
- How's that?
- Perfect!
8
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:31,532
Well, about six or eight inches
more to the right there, Wood.
9
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:34,993
- How's that?
- Yeah, perfect!
10
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:40,749
You guys ain't even close.
11
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:45,003
You know, I think maybe
we need a taller building.
12
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:46,672
What about the Prudential Tower?
13
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,090
Perfect.
14
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,553
See you over there!
15
00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,257
Good afternoon all.
16
00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:14,217
- Shut the door!
- Why?
17
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,011
To keep out the bitter cold.
18
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,681
Too late. She got in.
19
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,434
I sense the mood of the bar.
20
00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:24,603
You're all suffering
from the winter blues.
21
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:27,481
The shortened daylight hours,
the cold, numbing weather,
22
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,358
the bleak sense of isolation.
23
00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:31,526
It's what we
in the psychiatric profession call...
24
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:32,569
the jackpot.
25
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:37,240
Frasier and I have
a wonderful plan to lift our spirits.
26
00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:39,034
You gonna buy some toys
and canned goods
27
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,952
and hand 'em out
to underprivileged kids?
28
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,287
Well, no.
29
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:45,874
We're checking into a luxury hotel
for a getaway weekend.
30
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,000
Just the two of us.
31
00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:50,128
Wow! Well, that'll make
some bellboys happy.
32
00:02:52,923 --> 00:02:54,383
So, aren't you gonna bring the kid?
33
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,551
Well, we would, but we find
that we make better parents
34
00:02:56,718 --> 00:03:00,055
if we occasionally take a break
from our parenting responsibility.
35
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:02,683
Hey, you don't have
to justify it to me.
36
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:06,395
My parents ran off for a year
with the Pentecostal caravan.
37
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:11,233
Oh, sure, they called once in a while,
but they were speaking in tongues.
38
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,070
It was just by chance
that they came back at all.
39
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,909
Sam, what are you doing?
40
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:23,370
I'm working.
What does it look like I'm doing?
41
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,372
Excuse me, but this is the 12th.
42
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,332
Yeah. Well, I work on the 12th.
43
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:29,543
I ovulate on the 12th.
44
00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:33,839
How was I supposed
to know that?
45
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,590
We all knew. It's in the newsletter.
46
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:39,177
Sam, please, just finish up
whatever you're doing,
47
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:40,512
and let's get pregnant.
48
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,431
That's what I like about Rebecca.
49
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,391
She's just an old-fashioned
girl, isn't she?
50
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,893
You cannot order me to perform.
51
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,229
I don't want to have sex
with you, okay? No sex!
52
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:50,856
Who said that?
53
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:52,941
I don't believe this!
54
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,901
If we don't do it now,
we'll have to wait a whole month.
55
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,445
I'm not in the mood, all right?
56
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:57,988
Who's saying these things?
57
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:01,408
- Sam, what is wrong with you?
- I don't know.
58
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,119
Boy, you two sure argue a lot
for two people who aren't in love
59
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:05,620
but want to have a baby.
60
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:08,206
I don't know. Maybe that's normal
for two people who aren't in love
61
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:09,291
but want to have a baby.
62
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,461
I've never known anyone
who wasn't in love
63
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:13,628
but wanted to have a baby.
64
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:14,963
Woody, shut up!
65
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:17,549
Hey, don't get me caught
in your sick web.
66
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:26,683
Just relax. Remember what the doctor said?
Stress can keep you from conceiving.
67
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,935
All we do nowadays is fight.
68
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,396
- Oh, shut up!
- No, you shut up.
69
00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:33,273
Shut up!
70
00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:38,069
This is what I'm talking about.
This is stress.
71
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:39,237
Oh, yeah? Well, you got ten minutes
72
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:41,698
to get your stuff together
and get your bad attitude in order
73
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:42,866
and get over to my place,
74
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:44,868
and we're gonna make
a cute little baby!
75
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:47,621
I hate her.
76
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,041
Now, at 2:00, we have a choice
77
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:55,378
between a sumptuous high tea
and a relaxing Swedish massage.
78
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,256
At 2:00, right about then,
I'll be jumping in my mail truck,
79
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:01,843
ripping off my shoes and trying
to save my toes from frostbite.
80
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,554
Nobody held a gun to your head
and said be a mailman.
81
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:08,600
Frasier, we have a problem.
82
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:10,644
I've just gotten off the phone
with Frederick's teacher
83
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,062
who informs me that your son
84
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:14,147
has come down
with a case of chicken pox.
85
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:18,109
No! I'm not giving up
my non-refundable getaway weekend!
86
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:19,778
Frasier, your child is ill.
87
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:23,907
You're right.
Of course you're right.
88
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:27,202
- I'm ashamed.
- And deservedly so. Shall we?
89
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:29,704
I'm on my way.
90
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,249
Well, friends,
I've discovered a new way
91
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:34,125
of getting over the winter blues.
92
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:38,839
Instead of enjoying a luxury weekend
being coddled in a four-star hotel,
93
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,883
I'll be bathing an itchy,
whiney two-year-old in oatmeal.
94
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:46,012
Say, Fras, if you have trouble
getting rid of that reservation,
95
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,682
I sure know a couple
who've been under a lot of stress
96
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,101
and fighting a lot lately,
and, you know, they could benefit
97
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,562
from a nice weekend in a hotel.
98
00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:55,730
- Thanks for thinking of us, Sammy.
- Yeah.
99
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,734
I just got to run home,
get my travel iron, real quick.
100
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:02,028
I'm not talking about you guys.
I'm talking about me and Rebecca.
101
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,030
Stupid. You should
have thought of that.
102
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,615
You made the same mistake, pal.
103
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:09,411
Boy, we really could've
used that weekend.
104
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:12,998
Come on. What do you say, huh?
105
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,082
Please?
106
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:18,086
Oh, all right.
Here. Take the room.
107
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,130
Conceive your child. Go make.
108
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,009
Doesn't it at least
make you feel better
109
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,719
knowing somebody's having fun?
110
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:26,928
No.
111
00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:29,848
I know it sounds petty, but, frankly,
112
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:32,976
I can't think of anything
that would make me feel worse.
113
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:37,522
Oh, Frasier, dear,
I can't remember.
114
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,566
Have you ever had
the chicken pox?
115
00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:44,279
I can always think of something
that would make him feel worse.
116
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:53,914
Hey, everybody.
117
00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,208
Woody, set me up with a beer, will you?
118
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,252
Aren't you gonna finish
your mail route, Mr. Clavin?
119
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,963
Are you kidding?
Too much snow and sleet out there.
120
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,885
Besides, it's getting a little dark.
121
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,640
I don't blame you, Cliff.
I hate going out in this weather.
122
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:15,644
You guys are a bunch of whining,
complaining weenies.
123
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:17,854
What, you like this weather?
124
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:19,522
Oh, is that the topic?
125
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,193
Well, are we gonna let
this weather defeat us,
126
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,653
or are we gonna fight back?
127
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:27,197
I'm with you, Doc.
So what shall we do?
128
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,325
Hey, have you guys ever heard
of something called the Polar Bear Club?
129
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:32,869
It's great.
130
00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:34,621
We used to go all the time
where I grew up.
131
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,082
Bunch of guys get in their cars,
they drive down to the ocean,
132
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,668
they strip down to their skivvies,
and they run right into the water.
133
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:43,171
I was thinking more of
a belching contest.
134
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:47,050
I don't know. Loudest or longest?
135
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:48,969
Fine, fine.
136
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,470
You guys don't know
what you're missing.
137
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,847
When we were kids, we didn't care
if it was January or February.
138
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,683
We just jumped
in that ocean and swam.
139
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,017
It felt great.
140
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:58,019
It was like we scored one
against winter.
141
00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:00,021
Hey, if it's good enough
for Mr. Krapence...
142
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:02,273
- Well, are we up to it, men?
- All right.
143
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,651
Well, it's one of the earthly thrills
I haven't tried yet.
144
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:05,860
Let's do it!
145
00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:09,364
Polar Bear! Polar Bear! Polar Bear!
146
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:13,201
Polar Bear! Polar Bear! Polar Bear!
147
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,871
So, Paul, where
were you brought up?
148
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:17,956
Honolulu.
149
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,013
Three bucks for a lousy pack of gum.
150
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,141
Sam, get away from the honor bar.
151
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:37,684
Honor bar.
152
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,445
Hey, sweetheart,
what do you think?
153
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:53,366
If it's a boy, we name it Sam.
154
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,410
Oh, I don't know.
155
00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:58,121
You know, I always thought
that naming a child after yourself
156
00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:01,332
was like saying you want him
to grow up to be just like you,
157
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:04,502
to like the things you like,
to act the way you do.
158
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,629
Okay. Sam, it is.
159
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:10,925
Yeah...
160
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:12,677
Sam.
161
00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:18,475
You know something, Dad,
I really like my name.
162
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,018
Thanks, Sam.
163
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:24,397
- Beautiful evening, isn't it?
- Oh, sure is, Dad.
164
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,524
Say, how's that
paper route coming?
165
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,109
Just fine, Dad.
166
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,945
Before long, I'll have enough
saved up to buy that baseball glove.
167
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:34,908
Tell me again what it was like when you
were in the major leagues, Dad.
168
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,994
Oh, come on. You must be
getting tired of hearing that.
169
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:41,039
How could I ever get tired
of hearing about you, Dad?
170
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,003
I'm coming.
171
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,840
I hope it's not
the honor bar police.
172
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:55,220
Oh, I'm sorry. Wrong room.
173
00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:56,930
I went out to get
some stuff for the kids.
174
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,099
I guess I got lost.
I'm sorry about that.
175
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,725
Excuse me. You don't mind my asking...
176
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,394
- How many kids you got?
- Three boys.
177
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:06,147
Wow! That's great.
How long you been married?
178
00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:09,943
- 20 years.
- Wow! Hey, listen...
179
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:11,945
You don't have
any advice for a guy
180
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,322
who's about to start
his family, do you?
181
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:20,203
Well, it's no big secret
what you need to start a happy family...
182
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:21,746
Love.
183
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,707
If a man and woman
really love each other,
184
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,376
they pass that love onto the kids,
185
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:28,670
and they'll grow up strong and healthy.
186
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,965
Yeah, well, I know love's
okay and everything, but...
187
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:38,179
What about those other important things
like friendship and a sense of humor?
188
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,140
- A sense of humor?
- Yeah.
189
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,308
What's that going to get you?
190
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:46,146
I mean, look at Martin and Lewis.
They had a sense of humor.
191
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:47,772
But were they happy?
192
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:49,440
No, they weren't.
193
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:52,193
No, because it takes love.
194
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,446
- You got a lot of that, huh?
- Me? No, I can't stand my missus.
195
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,991
It's been 20 years
of living hell for me.
196
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:01,995
Hey, look, it's Dad.
197
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,204
What's the matter?
198
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:07,292
Can't find your way
back to the room, you stupid idiot?
199
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,626
Those are the kids.
200
00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:11,963
Come on, Dad.
Move your fat ass.
201
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:14,424
Give me fifty bucks for the arcade.
202
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:17,552
On my good days,
I pray for death.
203
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,723
Good luck to you, son.
You're gonna need it.
204
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,734
I bet that wouldn't have happened
if he'd named one of his kids Sam.
205
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,070
Yeah. Sam.
206
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,782
So how's that paper route coming?
207
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:41,451
I've been saving up.
208
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,120
Why don't we pull
over here to this market,
209
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:46,080
and I'll run in
and buy us some soda?
210
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,541
- My treat.
- Great idea, son.
211
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,920
- I'll be right back.
- Okey-dokey.
212
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,425
He's got that Malone swagger.
213
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,682
- Floor it, Dad!
- Why? What happened?
214
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,310
- I robbed the store!
- But why?
215
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,853
I had to do something
to make up for the lack of love
216
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:09,854
between you and Mom!
217
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,106
Move your fat ass,
you stupid idiot!
218
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,026
Why'd you two even
have a kid anyway?
219
00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:17,320
Well, we sort of
thought it'd be fun.
220
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:18,363
Fun?
221
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,073
I'll show you fun.
222
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:23,326
- Oh, no! No!
- I got one!
223
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,370
Boy! Did you see
that guy's head explode?
224
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,789
These hollow-point bullets are great!
225
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:32,043
Hey, everybody!
I'm little Sammy Malone,
226
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,587
and my Dad was
a major league pitcher,
227
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,215
and he didn't love my mother!
228
00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:56,526
Okay, Sam. I give in.
229
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:59,445
If it's a boy,
we can name him Sam.
230
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,366
Sam?
231
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,290
Sam?
232
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,582
Sam?
233
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,976
Here we go, darling.
234
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,606
I'm sorry. I hope I didn't
ruin the moment.
235
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,360
I was standing out in the hall, naked.
236
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,529
The door slammed shut.
I didn't have any place else to go.
237
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,614
Anyway, if you could
just loan me a robe,
238
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:44,949
I can wait back out in the hall.
239
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,951
No, no. There's a robe
you can use in the bathroom.
240
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:51,164
- Larry will go look for...
- Sam. You can't miss him.
241
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,291
He's a big galoot
with a lantern jaw.
242
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,003
Have you ever been naked
in a hotel hallway?
243
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,880
The sailors just come
out of the woodwork.
244
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,802
Don't worry, miss.
I'll find him and come right back.
245
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:08,181
I was in the bathroom taking a bath,
and I was talking to Sam,
246
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,932
but he wasn't really
even listening to me.
247
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,393
I guess he decided
to go down to the store
248
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,188
and get some gum or something.
I don't know. He was like...
249
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,148
He didn't even know that I was...
250
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:19,484
...alive.
251
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,948
Well, you sure look beautiful.
252
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,661
Look at all these flowers!
253
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:34,165
Oh, my! Boy, you must
have a huge family.
254
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:36,250
No, those were all from my guy.
255
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,002
Isn't he sweet?
256
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:42,048
Well, mine's down right now
getting me some...
257
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:45,051
...gum, I think.
258
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,887
How long have you
and Sam been married?
259
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,597
Oh, actually,
we weren't even pla...
260
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,015
...six months.
261
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:54,769
Hello?
262
00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:56,145
Oh, hi, honey.
263
00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:59,482
- It's my husband.
- He's already down in the lobby?
264
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,150
No, he's calling me
from the elevator phone
265
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:02,735
just to tell me he loves me.
266
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,863
It's supposed to be
just for emergencies.
267
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,032
Oh, you are so sweet.
268
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:12,078
You're the perfect couple, aren't you?
269
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,373
Oh, I bet you had
a beautiful wedding.
270
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,708
Well, all weddings are nice.
Wasn't yours?
271
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,085
Oh, yeah.
272
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:22,547
We had, you know, lots of flow...
And we had...
273
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:23,923
A lot of people came in...
274
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,425
A lot of people from out of town.
275
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:29,470
If you'll excuse me a minute.
276
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,431
I'm just gonna
wait outside in the hall.
277
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,643
Oh, hi.
278
00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:37,979
There's a bellboy waiting
outside your room with a passkey.
279
00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:40,231
- Okay.
- Sorry I couldn't find your husband.
280
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,401
But look what I did find!
281
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,653
Oh! A bunny!
282
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:54,620
You have the sweetest lips
in the whole wide world, honey.
283
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:04,422
You've got the sweetest lips
in the whole wide world, honey.
284
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:08,092
Knock, knock.
The little woman is home.
285
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:11,262
Hey, what are you
barging in here for?
286
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,723
You forgot to hang
the sock on the door.
287
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,725
That's because I didn't
want to take it off.
288
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:17,935
It was cold. They turned the heat off.
289
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:21,063
Oh, yeah, they turned the heat off
cause you forgot to pay the bill, pal.
290
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,274
What was I supposed
to pay it with? Love?
291
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:25,234
- Shut up.
- No, you shut up!
292
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:26,319
- You shut up!
- You shut up!
293
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,529
- Shut up!
- Shut up!
294
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,367
Come on, Sam.
Get her out of here.
295
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:34,577
I'm ovulating.
296
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:39,749
Oh, that's great.
You couldn't tell me 15 minutes ago?
297
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,626
Oh, this is...
298
00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:44,170
Come on, scooch, honey.
I got my chores to do.
299
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:47,840
Yeah, go on, go on, go on.
300
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:50,885
Oh, Sam, come on, hurry up.
Let's make a baby.
301
00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:52,512
Let's go in the other room and do it!
302
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,222
This is the other room.
303
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,809
God! Why are we so poor
and miserable?
304
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,353
Well, honey, we may be
poor and miserable,
305
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,647
but at least we can live on love.
306
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,107
You shut up!
307
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,109
- You shut up!
- Shut up!
308
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,986
- Shut up!
- Shut up!
309
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:12,740
Don't you use that word "love."
310
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:14,367
Love has nothing to do
with this relationship.
311
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,662
I will use any word I want
in this house! Love!
312
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,247
Love, love, love, love,
love, love, love!
313
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,415
You foulmouthed barren tramp!
314
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:22,875
Half-man! Half-man!
315
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,633
Enough foreplay for you?
316
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,344
Yeah. Turn off the light.
317
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:36,639
I got a poker game
on that table in five minutes.
318
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:37,807
You better make it quick.
319
00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:39,517
Yeah, that's gonna be
tough with you.
320
00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:41,060
Hey, shut up!
321
00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:43,020
You shut up!
322
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:44,730
Shut up!
323
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:45,940
- Shut up!
- Shut up!
324
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:52,363
Could you leave now?
325
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:53,948
Oh, sure.
326
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,250
Hey.
327
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,877
Why aren't you home
watching your scabby kid?
328
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:11,674
My mother's come into town
to help take care,
329
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,594
so I thought I'd steal
a few moments and come here
330
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,012
and relax with my husband.
331
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:17,888
- He's not here.
- Better yet.
332
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,435
Where is my husband anyway?
333
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,645
Oh, some of the guys
went to do something,
334
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,105
and he went along.
335
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:30,651
I suppose if they all went
to jump off a cliff, he'd do that, too.
336
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:33,195
I didn't think of that,
but it probably would've worked.
337
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:38,326
Polar Bear! Polar Bear!
338
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,037
So you guys went
for your little swim?
339
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,038
Yeah. Well, we drove
drown there, you know,
340
00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:45,791
we jumped into our bathing suites,
raced each other along the beach.
341
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,084
When we hit the water...
342
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:48,461
You chickened out, right?
343
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,379
Well, we prefer to think of it
as coming to our senses
344
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,173
just in time to save our goodies.
345
00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:56,886
None of you guys had the guts
to go through with it, huh?
346
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,763
Well, one of us did.
347
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,019
Just a few more steps, Dr. Crane.
348
00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:09,732
- Darling, are you all right?
- I'm okay.
349
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:13,027
- What did he say?
- Sounded like "oil can."
350
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:17,823
Here. This should help warm you up.
351
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,996
Must have been
a terrifying experience.
352
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,124
It was positively surreal.
353
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:31,170
First, the cold water hitting me
like an electric shock,
354
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:34,048
dragging me down
like a palpable force,
355
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:38,386
and then when I was crawling
back onto the beach, it kept at me,
356
00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:41,722
as though for all the world
someone was actually pushing me
357
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:43,557
back into the frozen water.
358
00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:46,519
Told you it wasn't funny.
359
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:03,994
Where have you been, Sam?
360
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:08,249
Just went for a walk.
Get some fresh air.
361
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:12,211
So, you ready to make the baby?
362
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:14,880
Sure, I am... if you are.
363
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,215
Oh, you are?
364
00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:20,177
Well, all right, good.
Let's get to it here.
365
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:21,470
Okay.
366
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,600
Okay, let's...
367
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,061
Let's make that baby.
368
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,482
There's something wrong,
isn't there, Sam?
369
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,320
Yeah, there's something
I want to say and I...
370
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,615
I've been walking around
trying to figure out how to say it.
371
00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:44,326
I guess the only thing
to do is just say it.
372
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,203
Sam, I don't love you.
I'm not gonna have your baby.
373
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:47,872
It'd be a big, stupid mistake.
374
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,081
What?
375
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:51,375
What were you going to say?
376
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:55,421
Well, the same thing,
but in a much nicer way.
377
00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:58,466
You were?
378
00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:00,843
Yeah. I mean...
379
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:04,722
You know, if we don't love each other,
how can we raise a kid?
380
00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:06,724
That's right, because it wouldn't
be fair to the kid.
381
00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:07,975
I agree.
382
00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:10,436
I mean, all we've talked about
is how much we want a baby.
383
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,354
We. We. We.
We never even thought about
384
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,231
how it would be
for a baby to have us.
385
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:15,274
I agree.
386
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:16,692
I think we got to call
the whole thing off.
387
00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:18,611
I agree! I can't believe this!
388
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,154
This is the first thing
we've agreed about
389
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:21,530
since the whole baby thing came up.
390
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,157
I agree!
391
00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:25,743
- Sam, I love you!
- Oh, I love you, too!
392
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:28,704
- I mean, I don't love you love you...
- I don't love you love you, either.
393
00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:31,499
And, Sam, we can still have kids,
just not with each other.
394
00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:32,958
Yeah.
395
00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:42,718
I'm sorry. Old habit.
396
00:21:44,261 --> 00:21:45,805
- That's right. We're just friends.
- Yeah.
397
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:47,765
Actually, friends don't open their mouths.
398
00:21:47,932 --> 00:21:48,974
Old habit.
399
00:21:58,359 --> 00:21:59,735
See you at work tomorrow.
400
00:21:59,902 --> 00:22:00,861
Yeah.
401
00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:03,322
Bye-bye.
402
00:22:20,506 --> 00:22:22,508
Sam, what's happening?
403
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,134
See you in a couple years, Dad.
404
00:22:24,301 --> 00:22:25,427
Sam...
405
00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:27,012
Where are you going?
406
00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:29,807
Sam?
407
00:22:46,949 --> 00:22:50,286
You're a rotten kid!
Now bring back my wallet!
408
00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:51,704
Look at him waddle!
30931
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