All language subtitles for Cheers.S10E05.Mas.Little.Maggie.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Woody, could we have
some more pretzels, please?

Woody.

Oh. Sorry, Dr. Crane.

I was just thinking
about how big the universe is.

Yes, it is, Woody,
and as a matter of fact,

it's expanding
all the time,

spiraling outward,
ad infinitum,

from the center
of its origin

at an alarming
seven miles per second.

You mean, all of us
are getting bigger?

Oh, no, Woody.
We're not expanding.

The universe is.

Although some of us

could stand to eat
a few less jelly doughnuts.

So, as the universe expands,

what happens to us?

Well, someday
we'll just explode

into billions of atoms

which themselves
will cease to exist in time.

Why, in ten quadrillion years,

there'll be nothing left
of anything.

May I have those pretzels now, Woody?

Sure. Better get 'em
while you can.

Morning,
unwashed masses.

Hey, new suit there,
huh, Cliff ie?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like it?

Shiny as the penny
you spent on it.

Oh, nope. Nope.
Sorry, Ma'am.

No open flames
near this suit.

So,

what's the occasion, Cliff?

My girlfriend Margaret.

I just picked her up
at the airport,

dropped her off
at the hotel.

She'll be by
in a few minutes.

All right.
Margaret's back from Canada.

Yeah, yeah. She just couldn't take
those brutal freezing winters,

those sub-zero
temperatures,

lonely sense of isolation.

So she's coming back to me.

Yeah? Well, the grass
is always greener.

Hey, Cliff ie, do we hear wedding bells?

Ah. Ha ha.

Not for this muchacho there, Sammy.

What are you talking about?

I thought you always
wanted to get married?

Oh, no, no, no.
No time soon, that's for sure.

Hey, there's still a lot of postage left
on this US male.

The only real hurdle left is Ma.

- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. It's very traumatic

when the woman you love
more than anything else in the world

meets your significant other.

Which would be which, Cliff?

Well, now you see my problem.

So, what did your ma say
when you told her?

Oh, I'm gonna break it
to her this afternoon.

See, I came up
with this great idea.

I'm gonna tell her
in a public place,

where I'm surrounded
by my friends, you see?

Then, she'll have to control herself,
and she won't embarrass me.

Clifford.

For the hundredth time,

if you want to use
my shower cap in the morning,

will you put it back
where you found it?

Perhaps as a reminder,

you'd like to wear it
for the rest of the day?

You know,

suddenly, I see Cliff
as heroically well-adjusted.

Sam, I was a little off
on payroll,

so I just made up
a bunch of numbers and--

What are you doing?
You're drinking coffee.

Yeah? So?

You can't drink coffee

when we're trying
to make a baby.

I don't know.
I'm pretty coordinated.

Sam, that is
not the point.

You are supposed
to stay in peak physical condition.

You know, caffeine loading
could be the reason

why we haven't been able
to conceive for the last two months.

Come on. It's just
a cup of coffee.

No, Sam, you have to
promise me something.

Until I am pregnant,
you have to stay in better shape.

You have to stop drinking coffee,

stop eating junk food,

and stop staying up late
watching movies.

You want to just
kill the man?

All right, all right,
all right.

If you really think
this is important,

I'll stop drinking coffee.

All right. Good.

I mean, we only have two days left
in this month.

What do you mean?

Well, you see here
on the calendar.

I put a "B" for "baby"

on the days
when I'm likely to conceive.

You know, the days when we
should make love.

That's funny.
I usually put an "F."

"F"?

For "fertile."
What did you think I meant?

You know...

I'm not so sure
I want you to carry my baby.

So, you see,
the entire region

might more accurately
be described

as "The Bermuda Rhombus."

Well, thanks, Ma.

Look, Ma,
there's something that I think

we better talk about,

and I'm not so sure
you want to hear it.

Well, what the heck.
Here goes. I...

I met somebody.

Actually, more than a somebody.

It's a woman.

This isn't like the time

you had your heart
set on Priscilla Presley, is it?

No. No, Ma.

This is more than
a few hundred silly letters.

I... I actually
know this girl.

See, her name is Margaret.

She's from Canada.

I love her,
and she loves me.

Oh.

I understand,
Clifford.

If this is the woman

you've chosen
to take my place,

I guess the only thing
for me to do is die.

Ma, what are you doing?

I'm dying.

You're not dying. Will you stop it?
Come on.

No need to take me
to the graveyard, Clifford.

Just set me next
to your tubby friend there...

And when I start
to bloat,

just toss me
in the dumpster.

Okay, thanks for bringing
your ma by.

It's the way I want to go...

Alone in a bar
without my son.

Anyone who is
blood type "O"

is welcome to my organs.

I don't recommend the heart.

It's been broken.

What's that, Grandma?

Come toward the light?

Ma.

Ma, you're not dying.
Now, stop it.

Ah. Now, here's Margaret now.

Let's go meet her,
and then--

Now, please, just behave yourself,
will you, Ma?

I'll put off dying
just long enough to meet her.

Oh, this is turning out
better than I expected.

Ma, this is Margaret.

Margaret, this is Ma.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Well, enough
of this chitchat, huh?

Listen, I've got some
lunch reservations

up there at Melville's
for me and my gals.

What do you say?

Oh, I get
to have lunch,

and then it's off
to the ice floe.

Oh. You must be referring to

the custom
of the Inuit people

where they set their golden-agers
on an ice floe to die.

How did you
know that?

Oh, I love trivia.

Good answer.

Well, shall we go, ladies?

Command of trivia
is one of the things

that attracted me to Cliff.

That and his manners.

Good heavens.
His what?

His manners.

Oh, my dear,
I thought you said, "His manhood."

Sam, I--

Are you drinking coffee again?

No. No.
This is for Norm.

I think I've figured out why
you haven't been able to give me a baby.

What makes you think
it's my fault?

Well, I've been doing
some reading.

And I think I know
what the problem is.

You wear bikini briefs,
don't you?

Sweetheart,
I know the lights are usually out,

but I do take them off.

Sam, look.

Look, according
to this brochure,

briefs are bad for you.

They're constricting,
they raise your body temperature,

sometimes rendering
your little swimmers ineffectual.

Look at the little cartoon.

Aw, jeez.

Sam,
the bottom line is

we have to lower
the temperature down there.

Well, how are we
gonna do that?

With these...

...underpants lined
with freon-based gel.

You want me to wear
frozen underwear?

- I'll freeze my--
- Exactly.

Oh, I haven't looked
at these in ages.

Is that Cliff?

Oh, my. No, that's Clifford's father.

You see where Clifford
got his wide bottom.

I've always wondered.

When Clifford
was a baby,

we'd set him down
and gently push him over.

And wouldn't you know?

He'd pop right
back up,

just like one
of those inflatable clowns.

Well, come on.
Sit, sit, sit.

Please.

Bartender, how about
a couple of drinks

For my lovely ladies
here, eh?

In the meanwhile,
I'll go and use the facilities.

Clifford, don't be vulgar.

Sorry, Ma.

Cliff, how did
it go upstairs?

Oh, great.

They got along
like two long-lost friends.

All through lunch,
it was just yak, yak, yak.

A couple of real
chatterboxes, huh?

No. Ma just knows
a lot of trivia about yaks.

Shall I make
a general announcement?

Oh, well,
shouldn't we wait

for Cliff to get back
from the restroom?

Oh, let's not
hurry him.

That's
his alone time.

Everybody.

I have an announcement
to make.

This beautiful young lady,

Margaret Catherine O'Keefe,

has agreed to become
my daughter-in-law.

Hey. What's going on?

Why, your wedding,
Clifford.

I beg your pardon?

Isn't this great?

I'm going to be
the next Mrs. Clavin.

He has the same look he had

when he took me
to the prom.

Don't say no.

I want to buy you
a mobile home.

Now, I can't afford
the deluxe model

with the front porch.

Oh, well, that's okay.

We'll make it home.

I'm awfully handy.

I can make a nice
gravel garden,

and we'll buy one
of those concrete gnomes.

You're already getting one.

Oh, this is so exciting.

I'm about ready to burst.

I have to go call
my parents.

And with any luck,
by this time next year,

we're going to hear
the pitter-patter

of little
Clavin feet.

Woody. Woody.
Hold this for me.

Hold this knife.

Lower.

- Yaah!
- Ow!

Just get out of here,
will you?

Ma, you know, this is all
happening so fast.

I mean, here I am
going to marry Margaret,

and I don't even
remember proposing.

No. if we waited
for you to propose,

I'd never be
a grandmother.

What are you
talking about?

Oh, dear. I was
afraid of this.

I think we'd better
have a little talk.

Woody.

Two whiskeys,
and leave the bottle.

Now, don't want you
to think I'm looking forward to this,

but with your father
out of the picture,

it's one of those crosses

I'm going to have to bear,
along with many others.

Now, when a man and woman
love each other very much,

they share a very special
kind of... hug.

Ma, look.
You don't have to tell me all this stuff.

I already know.

All right.
Who's the dirty mouth

who's been telling my son
these things?

Only...

Only I used a different word for "hug."

Here's a pamphlet
to fill in the many gaps

left by lover-boy
over there.

Read it... Read it before
your wedding night.

Howard's New Feelings.

My parents are thrilled.

They're giving us
a freezer full of meat.

Well, let's get busy.

We have
so much to do.

We have to shop
for a dress

and get
a marriage license.

Ooh, and the bakery.

We're going to have

a great big
chocolate wedding cake.

Oh! Hold on there, Ma.

You know, I'm allergic to chocolate,
don't forget.

Then you may have
Graham crackers.

Really?

Well, I'm off to get
that marriage license.

Before you go, Cliff,

I'd like to offer
my congratulations.

I, for one, will be enthusiastically
tracking your development--

I mean,
sharing your joy.

Thank you, Lilith.

Thank you very much.

Well.
Cliff, Cliff, Cliff.

His life is never gonna
be the same after this.

Yeah. Regular sex.

Wait a minute.

I thought you said
he's getting married.

Sammy, two beers.

Get them yourself.

You okay, Sam?

It's none of your business.

Sam, we're out of olives.

That's your problem,
isn't it?

Geez,
these shorts are cold.

I couldn't help noticing, dear,

that all the wedding dresses
you favored

were pure white.

Can I assume
that's appropriate?

Well, here we are.

All right.
Message received.

None of my business.

Say... Listen.

You're going to marry Cliff, right?

That's right.

Well, could you just do me a little favor?

What's that?

Don't bring any more Clavins
into this world.

It's not right.
It's just not right.

Poor, poor Carla.

Cliff told me
all about the affair you had with him.

And I just want you
to know

that I bear no grudge.

I...

I...

I...

I didn't know Carla and Cliff
had an affair.

That explains a lot.

That poor woman.

I know he cut her deeply

when he broke up with her.

But, Rebecca, you seem
to have bounced back.

Sammy,
how's it going?

You ever try
to start your car

on a really cold winter morning?

Yeah, sure.

You know, nobody in their right mind
would expect it to start. Am I right?

- Yeah, you're right.
- Yeah, well, you tell that to Rebecca.

Ho. Sorry I'm late, everybody.

How you doing?

You wouldn't believe
all those people

down at the marriage bureau
waiting for a license.

Pretty soon, Maggie,
it's gonna be you and me.

We'll be joining them, huh?

I can't wait, Cliff.

Oh, I'm one happy fella.

Oh, gosh, I'm happy.

And you're the one
who made me so happy, honey.

You're all invited to the wedding.

Doc, can I see you
in the office, please?

Sure, Cliff.

I'll be with you in just a minute,
my betrothed.

Ha! Hey, who would have thought

Cliff Clavin was ready
for commitment?

Doc, you gotta help me.

I mean, it's all happening
so fast.

One minute,
I'm leading my life.

And the next minute,
before you know it,

I'm standing in a line
down at the marriage bureau

with a bunch of other people
waiting for a license.

I looked into their eyes.
You know what I saw?

The smell of death.

Aren't you exaggerating
just a bit?

Oh, no. Fras,
when I was a teenager,

I used to work
in a slaughterhouse,

and I watched them
when they brought them in,

and I watched them
when they took them out.

But I've never seen
nothing like that.

Ma's really done it
to me this time.

Cliff, why do you have to do
what she says?

She's Ma.

Look. Think back.

Have you ever stood up
to your mother?

Have you ever stood up
to Lilith?

Touché, Cliff,
but we're not discussing me.

Look, Frasier,
I know what you're trying to say,

that I should stand up
to my mother.

Well, you're not
telling me anything

I haven't been telling myself

Since my 35th birthday.

It's just that if I do,

it'll hurt Ma's feelings.

What about
Cliff's feelings?

Oh, who cares
about Cliff's feelings?

You should.

You have the right
to do with your life what you will.

Don't worry about
what other people will think.

Your first responsibility
is to you.

You're
a real person,

worthy of consideration and respect.

Am I interrupting
anything?

Oh, no, Maggie.
Just nothing important.

Cliff was, you know...

Cliff,
is something wrong?

It's about the wedding,
Margaret.

I don't think I want
to get married just yet.

Why, Cliff?
Don't you love me?

Aw, Maggie.
Of course I love you.

But if we're going
to get married,

I want it to be our decision
and not Ma's.

That woman has been
making decisions for me long enough.

We'll know in our hearts
when the time is right.

Oh, Cliff.

Maggie.

When I propose to you,

it's going to be
the most romantic thing

you've ever heard.

I don't know, Cliff.
It'd be awfully hard

to beat the way your ma said it.

Yeah. Ha ha.

Oh. Margaret?

You'll,

you'll still be
my girlfriend, won't you?

Oh, yes, Cliff.

I understand
completely.

You want to be
your own man.

Exactly.

All right. Now, would you get out there

and tell that
to my mother?

That's wonderful.

Good news, kiddies.

The wedding's
going to have a luau theme.

I've booked the Tiki Hut
on Route Nine.

Ma. I want to talk to you.

You can stop grinding
that organ right now.

I'm taking off my little hat.

I'm not your monkey anymore.

Clifford, we haven't got time
for the monkey speech.

We're too busy.

I love you, Ma,

but I'm not gonna be
railroaded into marriage

just to make you happy.

You've been running
my life long enough,

and it's time for me
to take the wheel.

Why, Clifford Clavin.

How dare you speak
to your mother like that?

I'm 42 years old,

and I'll speak to you
any way I wish.

My word.

Come on, Maggie.

We've got a lot
of living to do.

Whoo!

Aah! Ohh! Ohh!

Are you still with me, Maggie?

My tooth, Cliff.

- Cliff!
- Ohh!

Aah!

I see I still have
to do everything for the boy.

Oh.

I'll be back for you
in a minute, Clifford.