All language subtitles for Cheers.S10E01.Baby.Balk.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Quite a night, huh, Norm?

- Yep.
- Yeah.

Still can't believe
old Sammy wants to be a dad.

Yep.

Now, he's gotta be real careful
about choosing a mother.

A lot of things to consider.

Like, for example,
how the genes match up.

Yeah.

I wish my parents had given that
a little bit more thought.

And, you know,

maybe I'd be able to jump
a little higher, run a little faster.

You know that
the jumping gene in my ma,

let's call it the "J" gene,

it's recessive.

You know, so, if my ma
had gotten matched up

with a guy with a dominant jumpin' gene,

you know, let's say, like...

Carl Lewis.

Well...

I'm telling you, Norm,

could have been
a whole different playground

for little Cliff ie Lewis.

Cliff ie, I hate to interrupt,
but we're here.

Normie, how come
you always drop me off

at least six blocks away
from my house?

Well, this time, it's a mile.

Get out.

Previously, on Cheers...

No more Rebecca the jerk,

no more Rebecca the go on ball,

Rebecca the loser.

Rebecca the mother.

I'm gonna have
a brand new human baby.

I can't wait!

You know, a new life,

a new life that depends
completely on me.

Can you believe it?
I forgot my coat.

Look at me,
just so excited about this.

I don't know.
I'm gonna be a mommy.

Oh! I'm gonna be a mommy.

- Rebecca. Honey, honey.
- What, Sam?

Are you sure
you're ready for this?

Well, don't I look ready?

Okay, maybe I'm thrown off
by the coat rack.

Oh, I hate it when I do that.

Oh, here.

Well, you think
we're ready, don't you?

I mean, you don't think
that we're rushing this, do you?

You need a little time
to think it over?

Sweetheart, sweetheart.
Come on. Turn around.

I think we're both
very excited by this.

You want to be a mommy, right?
And I want to be a daddy.

I think that the decision
has been made here.

Sam, just give it a yank.

Are you hurt?

No, no. I'm fine.

Okay. What do you think?
Do you want to give it till tomorrow?

Please?

Hey, everybody. Guess what?
My buddy just bowled a 300!

Hey, great.
Like anybody cares, huh?

A round of drinks on me.

All right!
Way to roll that melon, buddy!

Here you go.
Here you go, bud.

Oh, sorry, missy.

What for?

You think I won't enjoy a cigar
because I'm a woman?

I'll save it for the George
Sand Film Festival.

You see, what you
don't understand

is that my wife just made
a very funny literary reference

to a woman that used to dress
as a man and lived in France.

Was he a bowler?

Sure. What the hell.

Hey, why don't you have the smokers
sitting in the smoking section?

Of course. Where's my head?

Probably in the pumpkin patch
wondering when the mix-up occurred.

Sammy, we have a smoking section?

- Yeah, over by the piano.
- We have a piano?

I got to turn my head more.

Hi, Sam.

Hi. Sorry about last night.

Oh, no. Don't worry about it.
You feeling better?

- You didn't bruise, did you?
- Sweetheart, it's not a peach.

So, do you still want to be a mommy?

You still want to be a daddy?

- I do if you do.
- I do.

Great. Alright. I'll be right back.

Hold it. Wait, wait.

- We have to sit a second.
- What?

Look...

I don't want this to be
that we just do it.

I want this to be special.

I mean, what's gonna happen
when our child asks us

about the night we conceived?
What are we gonna say?

How about "Mind your own business"?

Sam, be serious.

I know, I know.

Let's do something

that you have never done
before with a woman.

All right, all right.

Okay, okay. Let's do something
that you've only done once.

Okay, all right. That... that...

Let's just have a nice,
simple, romantic evening.

All right. Now, that I can do.
That I can do. I tell you what.

- You got a fireplace, right?
- Yeah.

Well, there you go.
It's a perfect evening.

Dinner, fire, a little jiffy-pop.

- Sam, don't be crass.
- No, no, no.

I was talking about popcorn.

Okay. That was funny.
No, you got a date.

All right. Wait a second.

Woody, we're out of here.
You're in charge of the bar.

Why bother, Sam?

Whenever you put me in charge,
nobody ever listens to me.

I just get laughed at and get drinks
poured over my head.

Anyone does that to you,
you just sic Carla on them.

I'm talking about Carla.

All right, listen up, everybody.

Whenever Rebecca
and I aren't in the bar,

Woody's in charge.

Is that better?

Kind of. At least it's not a margarita.
Those get salt in my eyes.

Listen, I'm out of here, guys.

I'll be back in a couple hours,
depending on how things go.

Where you going, Sam?

It's kind of personal, Norm.

All right, let's go.

- Let me get that for you.
- Okay.

Here we go.

Looks like Sammy's
acting kind of weird, huh?

Yeah.

Can't you beer-butts figure it out?

Sam's been searching for weeks

to find the perfect woman
to have his baby.

Obviously, he's given up
and asked Rebecca.

No way.

Something that big,
Sammy would have told us.

Why do you assume
the rest of the world

lives by your outdated
code of male bonding?

Do you think every man
goes around telling his buddies

when he decides
to sire an offspring?

Frasier did.

Anyhoo...

Woody, can you do something
about that smoke?

Don't worry, Mr. Clavin.
I'll take care of it.

Excuse me, sir.
My name is Woody Boyd,

and I'm kind of
in charge here tonight.

Well, my friend over there is
kind of bothered by your smoke.

And so, I was hoping you'd move
to the back of the smoking section.

I think that would really be
the considerate thing to do.

Well, you can tell
your friend this...

So, Woody, what did he say?

Wow, I'm impressed.

Where did you learn how to cook?

When I was a kid,
my mom thought

that all boys should do
a little bit of cooking.

- I never knew that.
- Oh, yeah. I have a sensitive side.

As a matter of fact,
why don't we put on some music

and see how long
it takes you to find it.

Where do you keep
your Johnny Mathis?

I don't think I have any.

Oh. Well, who needs music?

Allow me.

Look at me

I didn't know
you could sing that high.

I couldn't before the coat rack.

What?

Nothing. I'm just nervous.

Oh, come on.
There's nothing to be nervous about.

Oh, no. I mean,
we're just going to make

the biggest decision of our lives.

I mean, don't you think
that's a little bit scary?

Come on, you can't
pressure yourself like that.

I mean, once we do this,
there's no turning back.

No, no. Come on.

That's just the thing
you can't think about here.

"After tonight,
everything will be different for life."

Or "I may have done this
a million times, but...

...this is the one that counts."

I mean, you start doing that,

and you're not
gonna be able to do it.

Sam, you're not thinking
about it, are you?

No, no. Don't be silly.

Oh, you're right, Sam.

Let's just go for it.

- Right now?
- It's now or never, Sam.

Let's make a baby.

No, but right now?

- What's the matter?
- Nothing's the matter. Don't be silly.

Nothing's the matter.
It's just that...

Not everything's right, right now.

We don't have Johnny Mathis.
Yeah, that's it.

Tell you what. Why don't I...

Why don't I go
to the record store?

- I'll be right back.
- No, Sam!

If we're gonna make a baby,
I'm gonna need my Johnny.

What's wrong, Sam?

Sam, what is it?

I...

- I... I...
- What... what?

Is it an accident? A fire?

Do you want us to follow you?

Sam. Look, just pull
yourself together

and tell me what it is.

I...

...can't.

Yes, you can.

Look, just organize your thoughts,
form the words, and tell me.

- I can't.
- Sam, if you want me to help you,

You're going to have to tell me
what the problem is.

- I am.
- Well then, what is it?

I can't.

You can't what?

Oh, dear Lord.

Am I to assume
that Sam Malone is unable to...

You got to help me, man.

All right, Sam. Let's...
Let's examine this problem.

Okay.

What is the difference
between this experience

and the thousands of times
that have gone before?

All right, well...

It was with Rebecca.

Well, you've been intimate
with Rebecca before.

Yeah, no, that...

It's not sex.
I mean, we want to have a baby.

We... what we're trying to do

is wholesome
and natural and beautiful,

and it's turning me off.

Sam,

your whole life has been
a string of meaningless,

albeit enjoyable, sexual encounters.

Now, for the first time, you're engaging
in a meaningful, productive pursuit.

You see, it's a common conflict
between what we call recreational sex

and procreational sex.

- What?
- Dirty sex and clean sex.

Now, it is this conflict
that is making you unable to function.

Oh. Oh, yeah. That's good.

All right. Oh, geez.

Boy, for a minute, I thought
maybe there was something wrong

with the seal on my microwave.

Now, Sam...

What you're going to have to do is...

...keep your mind...

...thinking of dirty things.

You see what I mean?

It's like, skip everything
about a baby.

Forget that Rebecca's
going to be a mother

or that you're going to be a father.

Instead, concentrate on the heat,
the passion you generate.

Trick your body
into thinking of this

as just another
tawdry one-night stand.

Come with me.

You can do it, Sam.

You have to. You owe it
to men everywhere.

Yeah, all right. Think heat.

Think heat. Think heat.

Think heat. Think heat.

Think heat. Think heat.

Not yet. Not yet.

Hey, Woodrot, what's
with the cigar party back there?

Well, the smoking section
wasn't big enough,

so exercising my powers as manager,

I moved everybody
back into the pool room.

Yeah, well, if you'd exercise your brain,
you'd realize there are no vents,

and the windows are painted shut.

It's like Clavin
in the middle of July back there.

Well, what do you expect?

There's no vents,
and the windows are painted shut.

Don't worry, Carla.
I've installed a fan.

All I got to do
is some simple wiring.

Cheers.

It's nice to see
Woody in charge, huh?

Seems like only yesterday

he couldn't find his way
around the barn

and he got lost in the storeroom.

That was yesterday.

Phone call for you, chalk face.

Thank you...

...Velcro Top.

I've been waiting to use that.

Hello.

- Lilith.
- Yes?

Has Sam been there?

He was, but he just left.

Did he say anything?

Not to me. Why?

Can I trust you?

Of course you can trust me.
I'm a professional.

If you have a problem,

I'm more than equipped
to help you work through it

in a rational manner.

Woody, two beers.

Shut up. This is juicy.

I'm sorry. Please continue.

You know, Sam and I
are trying to have a baby.

All right, tonight when we were...

Just when things got all,
you know, heated and involved,

well, he left for no apparent reason.

I mean, I don't think
Sam was turned on.

Oh, my God. The seventh sign.

Lilith, what am I doing wrong?

Am I not hot enough?
Am I not sexy enough?

Actually, Rebecca,
perhaps you're too sexy.

What do you mean?

And thank you.

Well, Sam is the type of person

for whom sex has always
been down and dirty.

Now that he's trying
to father a child,

dirty sex is the furthest thing
from his mind.

He wants it clean.

So, what do I do?

Well, don't act hot and sexy,
that's for sure.

Just keep reminding him
that he's making a baby.

The evening should be sacred and holy.

That'll get his engine running.

I got it, Lilith. Thank you so much.

All right.

Who was that
on the phone, dear?

I was just counseling Rebecca.

And I was counseling Sam.

Recreational versus
procreational sex?

Exactly. They're so lucky to have us.

Woody! I can't breathe in here.

When are you gonna
turn on that stupid fan?

Oh, it's all ready to go.
All I got to do is throw a switch.

Woody!

Woody! Woody!

Turn it off!

Woody!

Honey? Oh, thank God
You're still here.

I'm sorry I ran out like that.

Oh, Sam, don't say another word.
Everything's going to be just fine.

Oh, yeah. Oh, this is hot.

With heat like this,
you'll fertilize my egg in no time.

Yeah... Anyway...

Listen, you are
looking so sexy tonight.

Yeah,

cause I'm about to grow
your child inside my womb.

Hot cha, hot cha, hot cha.

And then I'll give birth to a new life,
and you'll be there to cut that cord.

Are you going to be
talking like this all night?

You ain't heard nothin' yet,
oh, giver of life.

Giver of life?
Excuse me just a second, okay, hon?

I got to just...

What's going on in there, daddy?

I'll be right out, mommy.

I mean mama.

- Hello?
- Norm?

- Yeah.
- What are you doing there, man?

Where's Woody?

He's otherwise engaged.

Well, Norm, let me talk
to Frasier, will you?

Yeah. Fras.

It's Sammy.

What is it, Sam?

Listen, this isn't working, man.

I'm thinking hot,
and all she keeps doing

is talking about mothering stuff.

You must keep it hot, Sam. Trust me.

I'm trying. I'm trying.

Sam, where are you now?

I'm in the kitchen, but don't worry.

She can't hear me.
I'm running the water here.

You can do that?

Whenever I hear water running,

it gives me the urge
to go to the bathroom.

Well, thanks a lot, man.

In fact, just hearing it
now over the phone...

Lilith, would you?

Frasier!

Sam?

Lilith.

Is everything all right?

Yeah, sure. No, it's fine.

Let me talk to Rebecca.

All right. Okay.
Hold on a second, will you?

Yeah, it's for you.
It's Lilith. Excuse me.

- Lilith?
- Yes.

It's not working.

I have done everything
you told me to do,

and he still has a problem.

Sounds to me like you're
still being too sexy.

Well, I don't know how...

You know, you are so kind.

Redouble your efforts.

You must remain wholesome,
no matter what. Trust me.

- I'll do my best.
- All right.

That's it. No more talking.

Just down and dirty
from here on out.

God, Sam.

As long as we're down
here on our knees...

Yes? Yes?

I think we ought to take
this chance to thank God

for the great gift
he's about to give us.

Oh, that's it. I give up.

What's the matter?

How do you expect me
to get in the mood

when you're talking about babies
and cords and God and stuff?

Well, I thought
that's what you wanted to hear.

Well, where'd you get that idea?

- Lilith.
- Lilith?

You talked to Lilith about us? Come on.

I thought this was just supposed
to be between you and me.

I can't believe you shared this
with somebody else.

Besides, Frasier said
we're supposed to act hot!

Sam, if you were having a problem,
why didn't you just tell me?

Well, no, wait, wait.
Who said I was having a problem?

Weren't you?

Maybe.

Sam...

You could have done
both of us a favor

if you'd just told me
what I was doing wrong.

No, oh, come on.
You weren't doing anything wrong.

It wasn't you, it was me.

I mean, I've had sex millions of times,
but it's never had a purpose before.

No, that's not true.
It had a purpose, but...

It didn't have a goal.

No, it had a goal.
It's just... It's complicated.

Sam, Sam, look,
you don't have to explain.

I just wish you'd been able
to talk to me. That's all.

Yeah, you're probably right.

I mean, if we can't
talk to each other,

what kind of parents
are we going to make?

Not very good ones.

Sam, maybe we're not ready for this.

Maybe.

Shoot.

- Well, I guess I better go, huh?
- Okay.

Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. Are you okay?

Oh, yeah.

I'm as helpless

As a kitten up a tree

How about that? Johnny Mathis.

Say, I don't suppose
your neighbor's single, huh?

Yes, he is.

I get misty

Bye-bye.

Just holding your hand

Walk my way

And a thousand violins begin to play

Or it might be the sound of...

Oh, baby.

Would you stop saying that?!