All language subtitles for Cheers.S09E19.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Another beer, Sam.
Put it on my tab.

Actually, Paul,
we don't run tabs here.

What do you mean
you don't run tabs here?

Norm Peterson has a tab
the size of his pants.

Well, that's Norm.

Well, this is Paul.

Norm doesn't have much
in life except Cheers.

What about me?
I'm unemployed.

I don't like my wife.

You're putting me
in a tough spot here.

I'm sorry, Sam.
I really want a tab.

Yeah, I want a tab, too.

Hey, you guys are getting tabs?

Hey, everybody,
we're all getting tabs!

No, you're not. Put that back.

- Paul, you see...
- I'm sitting here till I get a tab.

What are you talking about?
Paul doesn't have a tab here?

Please, this is one of our
most loyal customers for years.

If anyone deserves a tab
in this joint, it's Paul.

All right. We'll run a tab for Paul.

Hey, thanks, Norm.

Can I have a beer, please, Sam?
Why don't we put it on Paul's tab?

Carla, it's the first of the month.

Where's my rent check
for the poolroom and bathrooms?

Here you are.

Buy yourself a melon
in case you misplace your head.

Thank you.

Tell me, Carla,
clinically speaking,

are you considered
a dwarf or a midget?

Say, is that your head,
or is your neck blowing a bubble?

Somebody phone
the authorities in Paris.

A gargoyle has just
fallen off Notre-Dame

and is now taking drink orders.

You know, two heads like that
would make a perfectly good butt.

Shrike!

- Bullet head!
- Slattern!

Hatchet face!

Well, must be off.
Till next month, then.

He's good people.

Hey, Carla.

What's the matter, Eephus?

You served table three's
drinks to table five.

- That's a five?
- Yeah, can't you read that?

That's not surprising, Woody.
Carla's reaching that age

where the lens of the cornea
loses its elasticity.

They say that the eye
is the first to go.

Keep it up, and your teeth
will be first to go.

That was clearly
a three there, Eephus.

Get your orders straight.

Good morning.

Rebecca, you got to get
on the phone with the distributor.

- I'm still out of vermouth.
- I'll do that this afternoon.

I have to work
on my own plans this morning.

Your plans for what?

For what I'm gonna do
when I buy your bar.

Oh, those plans, right.

How could I forget that?

You're not taking me seriously,
are you, Sam?

No. No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

You, the bar owner.

"Hi. I'm Rebecca Howe.
Welcome to my bar.

Gee. We're a little low
on vermouth today.

Maybe I ought to get
on the phone and order some,

because after all, this is my bar."

That is not funny.

Yeah, well, I guess to get it,
you'd have to be a bar owner

or out of vermouth,
and I'm both, so order it.

I'm prepared to make you
a legitimate offer on this bar.

I can offer you
$25,000 cash right now.

How about $15,000 in cash
and 10,000 in vermouth!

Sam, I'm serious.

Where are you going to get
that kind of money?

I have a degree.
I'm a businesswoman.

I just spent the last ten years
in a major corporation.

My daddy's giving it to me.

- He's just giving it to you?
- No, we have an agreement.

He agreed to give me the money,
and I agreed to never come home

and cry so hard
that I throw up at the dinner table.

This is a bit of a surprise,
isn't it, Rebecca?

Why do you want Cheers?
I would think for you

this bar would only have
negative associations connected with it.

Think of all the heartbreak
you've had here...

The forgotten goals,
the missed opportunities.

Hey, it's called atmosphere, babe.

I would think, for you,

this place would have
the stench of failure.

No, that's Clavin.
And FYI, it's not just failure.

You know, actually, Lilith,

I had more productive,
successful times at Cheers

than I've had
anyplace else in my life.

Dear God!

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was thinking
of something else.

I think it's a great idea,
you running a business,

but you got to
understand something,

this bar is not for sale at any price.

- End of story.
- Do you really mean that?

Because I'm not gonna come
to you with this offer again.

Well, I'll just have
to live with that.

I'll hold it in my heart and remember
all the laughter it brought me.

By the way, you know,

that vermouth's not going
to order itself there, Sparky.

Sam!

I'm sorry. You're right.
I'm not taking you seriously here.

I've got to be supportive.

Tell you what,
I will sell you this bar.

- You will?
- Yeah.

What would be a fair price?

We've got liquor,
glasses, bars tools.

Oh, I don't know,
let's say $25 million.

- Come on, Sam.
- Oh, don't be so negative.

Here, I'll show you
how supportive I can be.

Let's take a collection
here for Rebecca.

I need a tin can. Here we go.

- Hey! Yo! Yo!
- There you go.

Okay, let's help Rebecca
pay for this bar!

I tell you what, I am going to put in

a nickel myself.
Now, can anyone match that?

Anyone?

Oh, not looking good here.

I hope you're having fun.

Actually, I'm not.
Fund-raising is really hard work.

I must be doing something right.

A guy just gave me
a $10 tip on a $30 bar tab.

That's a single.

Oh, man.

I might as well
get this over with.

Woody, come with me.
I shouldn't put this off any longer.

There you go.
Now you're thinking there, Carla.

Get those eyes checked out properly.

Forget that.

I'm going to run
the cheapskate over like a dog.

If your eyes are
in such great shape,

then how come you took
my car keys by mistake?

It was no mistake.

You think I want his blood
and hair on my fender?

I see a starfish.

I think it's a manta ray.

Showing ink-blots again, Dr. Crane?

No. We are engaged
in something far more challenging

than anything Hermann Rorschach
ever dreamed up.

That's right, Wood.

We're trying to figure out
the five hidden pictures

on Melville's kiddy place mat.

Okay, boys. Tell you what,

let's check Rebecca's tote board here,
ladies and gentlemen.

All right.

You see her goal here of $25 million.

Let's check that
against a grand total of...

...two nickels!

All right!

Wait a minute!

That confetti just cost you a nickel.

Promotion's not free.

Your jokes are so childish and moronic.

That's what keeps me young, babe.

- Rebecca!
- Oh, Harry. I'm glad you're here.

Sam, this is my appraiser.

He's going to tell me
how much this bar is really worth.

I'll save you some trouble there, Harry.

The bar is worth $25 million.

Well, Rebecca, I need
to work up the figures,

but everything seems to be
in good shape,

except for that strange floor deformity.

What floor deformity?

There seems to be a depression here.

It's almost as if this barstool
is sinking right into the earth.

I wonder what could cause that.

Pardon me, pal.

You're standing between me
and my cheese doodles.

You know, I don't think

that a ground-surface irregularity
of this nature is so strange.

After all, the entire
East Coast is sinking.

We all know that.

I mean, due to global warming,
the polar icecaps are melting,

and, hey, we're going to be
all underwater anyway.

That's why I keep
a couple cans of tuna

and an inflatable raft
in the trunk of my car.

Wait a second, I ate that tuna
a couple nights ago.

I better go out
and get some more.

If that flood comes tonight,
I'm really going to kick myself.

Harry...

...do you think you have
enough figures to run the appraisal?

Just one more question,

is that mailman going to be
hanging around here?

I don't know.

Well, I'll run the figures both ways.

Honey, you're wasting your money
running an appraisal like this.

You've only got one nickel left.

Sam, you know what?

You never take
anything I say seriously.

Take this seriously.

I will have this bar.

You're right. I'm sorry.

From now on, I'm going
to take you seriously.

Good.

This is me taking Rebecca seriously.

Come on, guys,
let's all take Rebecca seriously.

I'm going to be very serious now.

This is a very serious bar.

I'd like a very serious beer.

No, I'm serious, Sam. I'd like one.

You guys are such...

Excuse me, Miss.
Is this total right?

Yeah.

What was that?

Nothing.

It was something across
the bridge of your nose

that was horn-rimmed
and a little Coke bottle-ish.

I went to one of those one-hour joints

and I got myself a pair
of reading glasses.

But if I hear one single comment
about Ben Franklin

or granny or "four eyes,"

I will cut out your tongue
and fry it up for lunch.

I don't care. It's worth a tongue.

Oh, darn.

These glasses
have a spot on them.

That's better.

This is so funny.

What are you doing, Sam?

I'm faking a letter from the IRS

saying Rebecca overpaid
her return last year,

so the government
now owes her $25 million.

Sam.

Well, it could happen.
Come on, give me a break.

I think your humor is expressing
a hidden hostility toward Rebecca.

Or perhaps deep down you fear

she really is capable
of taking this bar from you.

Put a suit on a woman,
she thinks she's God.

Frasier, are you going
to let him talk to me like this?

She's also this way
when the suit comes off.

You should see her rule the roost
in her bra and panties.

Well, look...

Hey, it's a compliment, baby.

Hey, listen to this.

"P.S. Order some vermouth."

- Sam.
- Yeah?

I've always known that you felt

my owning the poolrooms
and bathrooms was

an unwieldy arrangement,
so I've found a solution.

Oh, good. What?

I've agreed to sell them to Rebecca.

I hope you can afford the new rent.

But if you have any trouble,
maybe you can throw a little telethon.

Tell you what.

I'm willing to donate a nickel.

Oh, no, no, no.
This is not gonna happen here.

Listen, if you want
to sell these rooms to somebody,

sell them to me.

Whatever she offered you,
I'll pay more.

Oh, really?

Why? Wait a minute.
What did she offer you?

I offered him the $25,000
my father gave me.

Sam, do you have a father?

Hold it. Excuse me.
Wait a minute.

You accepted my deal.
You said "Yes."

"Yes" can mean so many things.

You see what she's trying
to do here, don't you, John?

If she gets a hold
of those bathrooms

and then the poolroom,

she'll take the whole bar.
She's gonna ruin me.

I'm all a-tingle.

All right. All right.

How much did she offer you?

25,000.

All right. $25,001.

No, $20.

$25,020. Let's see you beat that.

$30,000.

I thought we were going up in $20.

It seems we have
two interested parties here.

Perhaps I should give it
to the one who wants it most...

The party who is willing
to go that extra mile.

Oh, dear, I notice
my shoelace is untied.

Oh, give me a break!

You expect one of us
to get down on our hands and knees

and tie your shoelace
so you can give them the room?

To hell with you, Mister.
You know, nothing's worth that.

Oh, Christmas is coming
early this year.

Woody, if you see Hill,

give him his keys,
tell him I finished.

Sam, you didn't wash
his car, did you?

What do you take me for?

I detailed every inch of it.

Hey, Carla.

I heard the guys were kidding you
about your glasses.

But I want you to know

I think it makes you look
a lot more intellectual.

Thanks, Woody.

In fact, they kind of make you
look like Einstein.

Thanks a lot.

If you could just get your hair
to do what his does...

Actually, it almost does.

- Why me?
- I have to work with him.

Oh, boy, Miss Howe.

When I see a woman
in a hot little black dress like that,

all I think of is Zowie...

...and who died?

Sam, I wanted to thank you
for washing John's car,

because after he cooks
dinner for me tonight,

he might want me to go dancing,
and I want us to look good.

Aw, that's great.

I send him flowers,
and he takes you dancing.

Jeez! Men!

You know, also you can wax John's car

and you can do
his menial tasks,

but I have something
you don't have.

See you later...

Or in the morning.

What does she mean by that,

she has something
you don't have?

She's got nice hair.
You got nice hair.

She's got nice eyes.
You got nice eyes.

She's got...

Sam, you're in big trouble.

- That was a very nice meal, Mr. Hill.
- Thank you.

I only wish I could have
cooked it for you.

I didn't want to disturb you
while you were doing the windows.

Why don't we just sit here awhile
and enjoy a little wine

before you do the dishes.

You know, John, I really deserve

that property downstairs
more than Sam does.

Well, deserving something
and earning it are two different things.

Well, you know, John,
if you did sell me the property,

I would be a very friendly neighbor,

and I'm sure we could come
to some mutual agreement.

You do know what I mean, don't you?

Oh, I'll clean that up later.

Don't worry about that.

We have a real estate
purchase to consider.

In fact, why don't we go
into the next room?

We can get
under the sheets and haggle.

- Right now?
- I'm ready.

Gee, John, I think that stain's
going to set in here.

I'm willing to throw
caution to the wind

and say I'll risk my carpet.

We really need
to put something on it.

Very well. How about us?

I mean, as enchanting
as that offer is, John,

I really think club soda
would be more effective.

Oh, you're into club soda, are you?

No, not really...

What can that possibly mean?

Come to papa, peaches.

Oh, no. Wait. Hold it.
There's a joint right around the corner

and they sell
these carpet-cleaning machines.

This hot water shoots
right into the bristles,

and it really cleans it up fast.

- Sounds like fun.
- No, I really better be going.

- You're fast.
- And agile.

Yes? Come in!

Rebecca, Rebecca, Rebecca.

- Sam, I'm really glad to see you.
- I'm just glad I got here in time.

I mean, you see
what he's driving you to, don't you?

You're throwing yourself at a man
just to gain material things.

You know what
that makes you, don't you?

Ahead in the race to get
a poolroom and two bathrooms.

Come on, Rebecca.

You just stay out of this,
will you, John?

Honey, go downstairs.
Wipe that makeup off, will you?

Tell you what.
Put on a nice dress or something.

Maybe call your mom.
Bet it's been a while, hasn't it?

Yeah, it has, Sam. It has.

Yeah. Go on.

Actually, it's been a while
for me, too, Sam.

Thanks for spoiling what was
gonna be a lovely evening.

That certainly endears you to me.

I just have two words for you, John...

- What's that?
- Twins.

Come on in, girls.

Here's Johnny!

How do you like these, Johnny boy?

Go ahead and touch them.
They're real.

Oh, I just forgot my...

Who are they?

This is not what you think.

We never met a big
Hollywood producer before.

All right, it's what you think.

Sam, look at us. Do you know
what he's doing here?

He's playing us
against each other.

You're right. This is disgusting.

You can't make us act like this.

You can keep
those stupid old rooms.

All bets are off.
Come on, let's go.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

So did Sam explain
the part you'll be reading for?

Sam, I can't believe
you could sink this low.

You should have
seen me in my prime.

Sam!

Get out of here, will you, Hill?

We don't want your type
around here anymore.

- You're bad news.
- Bad news.

I just came down to thank you

for introducing me
to Hope and Joy, Sam.

It's very hard
to make friends in a new town.

The least I can do is sell you
the poolroom and bathrooms.

As I recall, the last offer was $30,000.

Yeah, but I don't have $30,000.

- How much do you have?
- 5,000.

I'm sorry, Sam.
It's simply out of the question.

But wait a minute.
I detailed your car.

Wait a minute, Sam.

You do have $30,000.

Oh, wow, Rebecca.
You'd do this for me?

I'd do this for us.

A business partnership, Sam.

We should have thought of it
in the first place.

Oh, yeah. Why didn't we?

Because you were so busy
making those stupid telethon jokes.

Yeah, I'm going to miss those.

All right, listen,
here's her check,

and here's mine.
That makes $30,000.

Well, thank you very much.

Enjoy your poolroom.

You should rest well
in the knowledge

that this $30,000 will pay nicely
for that screen test.

Good news, girls.
We're going to Hollywood.