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1
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:04,463
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:05,589
Watch this.
3
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:14,890
What do you got, Wood?
4
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:19,144
Watch closely as I remove
my own index finger.
5
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:23,690
Something I learned from my uncle,
only when I do it, it's a trick.
6
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:31,240
Not bad, but I think
Cliff ie's still ahead on points.
7
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:35,244
And in what sophomoric activity
are you gentlemen involved now?
8
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,996
Our first annual tricks
with digits exhibition.
9
00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:42,084
Of all the pointless wastes
of human energy.
10
00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:43,460
Frasier's right.
11
00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:45,254
You could sit here
until the end of time
12
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,172
doing your silly finger tricks,
13
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,466
but none of you
will ever be able to top this.
14
00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:00,185
Wow, she's right.
15
00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:02,813
The king is dead.
Long live the queen!
16
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:07,025
Yeah. And she's writing.
She's going for bonus points.
17
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:08,819
What's it say?
18
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,280
"My fist is stuck, call 911."
19
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:15,867
Come on, hon.
20
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,953
You know, this happens to her
more often than you'd think.
21
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:47,959
There you go.
22
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,837
- What the hell is this?
- It's clam juice.
23
00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:55,300
I wanted a martini.
24
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:57,969
I wanted to be
Princess Carla of Monaco.
25
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,263
Drink it.
26
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:05,143
Sorry, Mr. Krabintz, we can't get
into the office or the storeroom
27
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,812
because Miss Howe locked herself in
28
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:09,147
since she decided
not to marry Mr. Colcord.
29
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:11,108
She's still in there.
She's still in the gown.
30
00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:13,694
She won't talk to anybody,
doesn't move, doesn't eat.
31
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:14,778
Gee, that's awful.
32
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:16,905
I really wanted a martini.
33
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,119
Greetings, all.
34
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:24,663
A pint of lager, my good publican.
35
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:27,416
I'm of a Dickensian spirit today.
36
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,710
I've just come
from the antiquarian book fair,
37
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,462
where I managed to luck
into a handsomely bound first edition
38
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,382
of Charles Dickens' Tale of Two Cities.
39
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:39,511
Wow! if you don't mind my asking,
how much does something like this cost?
40
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:44,266
Well, Woody, money isn't really
the issue, but around $1,200.
41
00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:46,852
1,200 bucks?
42
00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:50,021
I got something to show you, Dr. Crane.
43
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,232
It's called a library card.
44
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,486
Thank you for the advice, Woody.
45
00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:58,572
Now may I have a scotch
on the rocks, please?
46
00:03:58,739 --> 00:03:59,990
Okey-doke.
47
00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:02,492
That'll be around 1,200 bucks.
48
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,705
Frasier, you know,
it's a good thing you're here
49
00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:10,459
because we got to think of some way
to get that crazy lady out of the office.
50
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:11,835
It's been two days.
51
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,963
Well, I realize that you're concerned
about Rebecca, and that you all look to me
52
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:17,132
as the solver of all problems personal,
53
00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,967
but in this case
I have to throw up my hands.
54
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,761
There's a limit to what even I can do.
55
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,555
And we also know how you pout
when we don't ask you.
56
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:30,145
Fine. Maybe I'll just go home.
57
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:35,108
Okay. I got the toolbox here.
58
00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,779
I'm gonna get Rebecca out
of that office right now.
59
00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:42,032
Rebecca!
60
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,951
I got a screwdriver here!
61
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:49,039
I'm going to take that doorknob off,
and I'm going to open the door here.
62
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,209
Rebecca!
63
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:56,004
I got a Phillips head
by mistake, but I'm going to...
64
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,593
I'm putting that down,
and I'm picking up a flat head,
65
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,971
and then I'm going to take
that doorknob off.
66
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,099
Rebecca!
67
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,310
I don't have a flat head,
68
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:13,939
but I have one of those putty things,
and I'm going to...
69
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:16,983
Damn.
70
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:22,447
Okay, Rebecca, I just punctured
my thumb with that putty thing,
71
00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:27,244
and I'm going to go get a tetanus shot,
then I'm coming back here
72
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,745
and taking that doorknob off.
73
00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:29,996
Here's a Band-Aid.
74
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,249
Hey, hey, guys, Rebecca.
75
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,792
- Rebecca's out.
- No, no.
76
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,294
Don't say Rebecca.
Don't call me Rebecca.
77
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,421
Rebecca doesn't live here anymore.
78
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,217
Rebecca died two days ago.
79
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,761
Oh, so that's what that is.
80
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:51,560
I'm telling you, a woman should
never sweat in taffeta.
81
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,690
- Have a seat, come on.
- Thank you.
82
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,987
I've never sat here before.
83
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:07,158
Here I am, sitting on this stool,
knowing my life is a mess.
84
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:12,831
I have no future,
and I'm a totally hopeless failure.
85
00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,541
Yeah, try it with beer nuts.
86
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,798
It is all my fault.
I mean, I got what I deserved,
87
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,383
and now I'm alone.
88
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:26,136
I have nothing,
and I'm just a, you know,
89
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,638
worthless, shallow person.
90
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,141
I'm telling you,
try it with the beer nuts.
91
00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:35,145
Rebecca,
92
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:38,398
I realize you haven't sought
my professional advice,
93
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,317
but I think it's time
to get some perspective.
94
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:43,028
Take a look at yourself,
splash some water on your face,
95
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,238
and get a fresh start.
96
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:49,242
I'd like to, Frasier, but I seem
to have lost the will to move.
97
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:52,329
I just want to sit here
for the rest of my life.
98
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,247
Maybe it's the stool.
99
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:02,422
Come on, Miss Howe.
100
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:04,549
Woody,
101
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,845
have you ever had your whole life
cave in on you all of a sudden?
102
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,307
No, but I have had a cave
cave in on me all of a sudden.
103
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:16,269
You know, at the risk
of sounding insensitive,
104
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,980
I'm glad she's getting out of here.
105
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:23,985
Her walking around in that wedding dress
was just a tad too "Miss Havisham" for me.
106
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,197
- Who?
- Miss Havisham.
107
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,408
Famous character
from Charles Dickens' Great Expectations.
108
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:33,244
Spends the entire novel
walking around in her wedding dress.
109
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,163
- What?
- Yes.
110
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:38,500
Oh, surely you know it.
It's Great Expectations.
111
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,503
Pip, Miss Havisham, Magwitch,
112
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:43,588
and...
113
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:49,010
...and four pizza-loving turtles
who practice martial arts in the sewer.
114
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:53,264
Hey, cowabunga, dude.
115
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:54,307
You know,
116
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:57,811
a lot of people don't realize
that was a comic book first.
117
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,359
I'm going to go for a drive, Sam.
118
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,946
Oh yeah, sweetheart, that's a good idea.
Get some fresh air.
119
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,781
- Take all the time you want.
- Thank you.
120
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,535
Where did she get those clothes?
121
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:16,705
Sam, could you dig some clothes
out of the lost and found?
122
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,007
Here you go.
123
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,676
Woody, come out here,
let's take a look.
124
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,011
Hey, Sam, how long did you say
125
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,637
these clothes have been
in the lost and found?
126
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,556
I don't know, a while, I guess. Why?
127
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:50,572
Hey, Sam, is that Woody Boyd,
or is that Keith Partridge?
128
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:56,244
When's Miss Howe getting back
with my real clothes?
129
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,246
I can't go out like this.
130
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,916
I know it was the seventies
and all, but who would dress
131
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,918
in anything this dumb-looking?
132
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,672
Boy, those duds look familiar.
133
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,137
"Property of C. Clavin."
134
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,558
Deep inside, didn't we all know that?
135
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,437
- These were your clothes, Mr. Clavin?
- I guess.
136
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:26,107
- How'd they end up in the lost and found?
- How did they end up in there?
137
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:30,361
Well, it was the seventies,
and I was a swinger.
138
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,992
I had some good times
in those rags, Woody.
139
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,744
We don't want to hear about it.
140
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:41,956
It was great, you know,
the disco scene. Groovin'.
141
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:44,709
- Ixnay, Cliff.
- It was a great decade, huh?
142
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:47,504
Hot-tubbing every night,
and I got rolfed.
143
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,799
Please stop, Mr. Clavin.
144
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:53,176
Now I remember
how I lost those clothes.
145
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,803
Oh, don't say it. Don't say it.
146
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:56,471
I was streaking.
147
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,891
Oh, I knew it!
I knew he was going to say it.
148
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,851
Of course I was about
three pounds lighter then.
149
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:06,397
Woody, I think it was a great sacrifice
150
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:07,941
for you to give
your clothes to Rebecca.
151
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:11,778
It puts me in mind of another novel
by my favorite British author.
152
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,739
You know who I mean.
I'll give you a hint.
153
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:16,658
Charles...
154
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:18,993
In Charge?
155
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:24,999
Are you people really this ignorant,
or do you just do this to torture me?
156
00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:27,043
Sometimes the two
go hand in hand.
157
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:32,966
All right. Gather 'round, everyone.
I'm going to right a horrible wrong.
158
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,218
I'm going to read
to you Dickens' classic
159
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:36,845
A Tale of Two Cities.
160
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:40,140
You'll see just how much fun
great literature can be.
161
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,184
"Book the First.
162
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:46,312
It was the best of times.
It was the worst of times."
163
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,898
Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Which was it?
164
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:56,614
Just stay tuned, Norm.
165
00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:01,411
"It was the age of wisdom.
It was the age of foolishness.
166
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:04,414
It was the epic of belief.
It was the epic of incredulity."
167
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:07,417
Boy, this Dickens guy really liked
to keep his butt covered, didn't he?
168
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:16,676
"There was a king with a large jaw
and a queen with a plain face
169
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,970
on the throne of England and...
170
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:21,514
and..."
171
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,393
"...and there was a bloodthirsty clown
172
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:28,021
who beckoned innocent
children into the sewer
173
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,522
and swallowed them whole."
174
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:34,986
That's a neat trick.
175
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,199
Wait a minute, Frasier.
Wait a second.
176
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:40,575
Yeah. Cheers. What?
177
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:45,747
I... Rebecca, where are you calling from?
I can barely hear you.
178
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,249
30,000 feet over Pittsburgh.
179
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,919
What? I thought you were
just going for a drive.
180
00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:52,795
I did. I drove to the airport.
181
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,882
Listen, will you tell Woody
that I left his car
182
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,592
outside the United terminal...
183
00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,136
...or American.
184
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,263
It doesn't really
make any difference.
185
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,265
They all tow them
to the same place anyway.
186
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,896
Sam, is that Miss Howe?
Ask her if she has my wallet.
187
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,439
I need my driver's license.
188
00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,858
Actually you don't have
to worry about that now.
189
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:16,861
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
190
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:19,030
I'm going home to San Diego.
191
00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:21,574
I want to try and forget Boston.
192
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,285
I want to erase the last
three years of my life.
193
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,620
It's been five, Rebecca.
194
00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:27,622
Has it been that long?
195
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,417
Hey, Sam, does she have my wallet?
196
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,336
You still have Woody's wallet, don't you?
197
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:35,463
Yeah. How do you think
I'm paying for this call?
198
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,924
Hell, how do you think
I'm paying for this flight?
199
00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:41,386
Yeah. She still has it.
200
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,393
Honey, listen to me.
201
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,645
You can't run away
from your problems like this.
202
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:53,898
The only reason I called
was to say goodbye
203
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:57,443
and thank you for everything.
It's really meant a lot to me. Bye-bye.
204
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:01,114
Oh, Miss, did you remember
your credit card?
205
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,533
Oh, yeah, thanks.
I'm going to need this.
206
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,660
I need to buy a whole
new wardrobe when we land.
207
00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:07,829
I'm going to be good to myself.
208
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:20,925
As we recall from Monday's installment
of A Tale of Two Cities,
209
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,847
Sydney Carton is about
to go to the guillotine
210
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,390
and sacrifice himself.
211
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,642
Guillotine... slice that neck.
212
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:35,023
"When suddenly
an Apache attack chopper
213
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,649
hovered above the guillotine...
214
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,320
...pumping hot lead into the crowd."
215
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,030
Get them frogs, huh?
216
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:44,490
"As Darnay climbed
into the chopper,
217
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,327
sweat streaming
from his blood-stained headband,
218
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,412
he could be heard to mutter,
219
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:53,499
'It is a far, far better thing I do
than I have ever done.
220
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:59,047
It is a far, far better...
butt-kicking I give...
221
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:03,176
...than I have ever butt-kicked.'"
222
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,553
- All right.
- Great!
223
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:06,846
What a book, huh?
224
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,016
What are you going
to read to us next?
225
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:13,227
Well, I was thinking
about David Copperfield.
226
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,354
What's that about?
227
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,064
Well, it's about these...
228
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,692
...two coppers and this...
229
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:21,611
...field.
230
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:26,991
And they're found... dismembered
with their body parts switched.
231
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,538
Man, that Dickens is one sick dude.
232
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,042
Have any of you guys
heard from Rebecca yet?
233
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,086
- Not me.
- Turn on the game, Sam.
234
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,338
No. Let's give her a call.
235
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:42,173
I got her parents' number.
236
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:45,510
Let's just tell her we're thinking
about her and that we care.
237
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,306
It's her parents' machine.
I hate these things.
238
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:51,849
I never know what to say.
239
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:55,019
Hi. This is Sam from Cheers.
This message is for Rebecca.
240
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,314
Hi, Rebecca. We just wanted
to find out if you were okay
241
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:01,401
and tell you that we miss you
and I love you and I hope...
242
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,236
- Whoa, Sam.
- What?
243
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,737
You love her?
244
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,366
No. I didn't say that.
Hold on a second.
245
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:09,826
No. I didn't say that.
246
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,830
I said we miss her
and we love her.
247
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,498
You said we miss her
and you love her.
248
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:18,000
But it was implied
that you miss her, too.
249
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:22,839
Shoot. I don't want her
to get the wrong impression.
250
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,216
Hi, Rebecca, listen,
when I said that I love you,
251
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,885
I didn't mean love love. I...
252
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:32,974
I meant more like a friend, a buddy,
a pal, like a partner, you know,
253
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:35,601
like the two cops in David Copperfield.
254
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,272
Okay, honey?
255
00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:40,731
Well, anyway, bye-bye.
256
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,358
- Wait!
- Wait. Hold on.
257
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:43,651
That was a little cold.
258
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:46,612
Listen, she's feeling kind of low.
259
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,781
You can't just kick her
when she's down like that.
260
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:54,787
Sweetheart, when I said
that I love you, I meant that you're
261
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:59,000
a very important part of my life,
along with a lot of other people.
262
00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:03,337
It's like my life
is this big jigsaw puzzle
263
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:06,924
and you're a very important part,
you know, like a corner piece.
264
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,677
Yeah, hold on.
265
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:11,637
I think the guys want
to say something. Go ahead.
266
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,639
Sammy loves you!
267
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:25,610
Any of you guys tried
that new steakhouse on Commonwealth?
268
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,778
- No.
- It's the greatest.
269
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,281
Beautiful waitresses
in tiny little wench outfits.
270
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:31,449
Yeah? What did you have?
271
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,743
A beautiful waitress
in a tiny little wench outfit.
272
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:36,579
I'm going back, too.
273
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,582
Dr. Crane, when will you
read us more Dickens?
274
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,042
Dickens!
275
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:42,627
Dickens!
276
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,130
Frasier, I'm impressed.
277
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:48,925
It seems your experiment
in cultural enrichment
278
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,426
- has been a success.
- Yep.
279
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,221
We're waiting
for Oliver Twist: The Wrath of Fagin.
280
00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:56,724
Excuse me?
281
00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:02,396
Darling, I've done some things
the past few weeks I'm not very proud of.
282
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,859
Just... leave it alone.
283
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,321
Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
284
00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:11,781
Hey, guys.
285
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:14,325
Listen to this.
286
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:18,037
Sam, this is Rebecca.
I got your message.
287
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,622
Hearing your voice
made me realize
288
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:21,374
what I'm missing in my life.
289
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:24,502
I was such a fool
not to have seen it before.
290
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,337
My plane lands
at midnight tonight.
291
00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:27,797
I'm coming straight
to the bar to see you.
292
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,840
So will you please,
please wait for me?
293
00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:36,973
What am I going to do?
294
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,141
I mean, do you think
that she's coming back here
295
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,102
because I left that message
on her machine?
296
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:42,144
Yeah.
297
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,147
Hey, will you be serious for a minute?
298
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:47,316
Just once, I'd like to have
a serious conversation
299
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:48,484
in this damn bar.
300
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,904
Do you really think
that she's rushing back
301
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,364
because I said, "I love you"?
302
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:54,615
Yeah.
303
00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:58,953
Yeah, what do you know?
304
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,581
I'm going to talk to somebody
who knows something around here.
305
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:04,625
- What do you think?
- You're dead meat on a stick.
306
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:08,754
No, I'm not dead meat on a stick,
and even if she does think that,
307
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,798
I've handled lots of love-crazed babes
308
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,842
who wanted to become
Mrs. Sam Malone.
309
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,885
I've got dozens of ways
of handling that.
310
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:19,473
Even if they all don't work,
I still have plan "Z."
311
00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:23,269
What's plan "Z" there, Sam?
312
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,562
Never you mind.
313
00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:29,525
It's pretty drastic, I'll admit,
but I'll use it if I have to.
314
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:34,655
I don't want the same woman
hanging onto me the rest of my life.
315
00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:37,658
Can you imagine how creepy
that would be, Frasier?
316
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,419
I'll answer that question another time.
317
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:01,182
Okay, just wait outside
and come running in
318
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:03,392
- when you see the lights flash.
- Right.
319
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:07,188
Carla, Sammy will not tell us.
What is this plan "Z"?
320
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,524
Tell you everything I know
for 20 bucks each.
321
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:13,694
Yeah, all right.
322
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:20,451
It's called plan "Z."
323
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:25,998
When Sammy flashes the lights,
this guy Leon comes in and executes it.
324
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,920
Yeah, but what is plan "Z"?
325
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:31,962
Beats me.
326
00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:33,756
I didn't know that much
two minutes ago.
327
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,216
Give me the money.
328
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:45,976
- I think it was worth it.
- Oh, yeah.
329
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,358
Sam, it seems to me
330
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,944
you're going through
an awful lot of machinations
331
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,905
to avoid dealing honestly
and directly with Rebecca.
332
00:19:58,072 --> 00:19:59,907
Well, that's me, always thinking.
333
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,453
Besides, I don't think
we'll have to use plan "Z" here.
334
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,288
What are we talking about?
We're talking about Rebecca.
335
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:07,832
What's the worst she can do?
336
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:12,503
Sam, I hope you're ready
to change your life, because I am.
337
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:14,922
Can you excuse me just a second?
338
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:20,594
Sam, why are you
flashing the lights?
339
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,638
Oh, you know, it's just
kind of to welcome you back,
340
00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:24,974
like three cheers!
Hey, Rebecca's back!
341
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,183
Rebecca's back!
342
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:30,521
Sam, get over here. Quit being silly.
343
00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:32,231
I have to ask you
something really important.
344
00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:37,027
Will you sell me this bar?
345
00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:38,654
No. What?
346
00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:40,156
Cheers. I want to run Cheers.
347
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,950
Running this place was the only time
I ever felt like somebody.
348
00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:44,660
You know, people looked up to me.
349
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:45,745
Who?
350
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,542
You mean you didn't
come back here to marry Sam?
351
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:54,879
Marry Sam?
Why would you think that?
352
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:56,172
You didn't think that, did you?
353
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:57,214
Shoot, no.
354
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:01,969
That's why you've been doing
all this weird stuff,
355
00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:03,846
because you think
I came back here to marry you?
356
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,514
What weird stuff?
357
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:09,185
I can't keep living a lie, Sam.
358
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,853
No. No, Leon. No.
359
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,571
Sam is my lover.
360
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,200
Boy, you...
361
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:27,369
You really did think I was after you.
362
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,538
I can't believe this.
363
00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:31,791
You're a wussy little 'fraidy cat.
364
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:34,376
I'm not a wussy little 'fraidy cat.
365
00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:35,920
Then this is real.
366
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:38,339
You and Leon are lovers.
367
00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:41,717
Well, why don't you
give Leon a kiss then?
368
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,973
Because we've been
together for 14 years
369
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,391
and we're no longer demonstrative.
370
00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,817
You know, the spark's gone.
I'm sorry, Leon.
371
00:21:57,983 --> 00:21:59,693
I probably should have
said something sooner.
372
00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:03,197
No. Sam, you can't
have it both ways.
373
00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:06,617
You either give Leon a kiss...
374
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:08,702
...on his lips
375
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:13,082
or you admit that you are
a wussy little 'fraidy cat.
376
00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:16,919
Sammy, don't let her make you look
like a wussy little 'fraidy cat.
377
00:22:17,086 --> 00:22:19,296
I'm not a wussy little 'fraidy cat.
378
00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:21,423
- Meow!
- Come on.
379
00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:22,466
Meow!
380
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:30,558
Sorry about that, Leon.
381
00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:33,519
You realize I'm gonna have
to slug you in the face now?
382
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:35,062
I wish you would.
383
00:22:38,524 --> 00:22:39,942
We still on for golf Thursday?
384
00:22:40,109 --> 00:22:42,319
- Yeah, you bet.
- Great.
385
00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:48,576
- That hurts.
- Sammy, look at you.
386
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:51,704
Your nose is bleeding.
Your eye's starting to swell.
387
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:53,455
And you just kissed a man.
388
00:22:55,249 --> 00:22:58,460
But you're not
a wussy little 'fraidy cat.
389
00:22:59,670 --> 00:23:01,839
- No, not Sammy.
- Good boy.
390
00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:05,718
You know, in the space
of the last 30 seconds,
391
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:09,138
we have witnessed deceit,
sexual turmoil,
392
00:23:09,305 --> 00:23:11,348
and sudden, senseless violence.
393
00:23:11,515 --> 00:23:13,726
It puts me in mind
of a passage from...
394
00:23:15,185 --> 00:23:16,604
...The Pickwick Papers.
28836
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