All language subtitles for Cheers.S09E12.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Oh, no.

You got some
car trouble?

Every time it gets cold,
my stupid battery dies.

Got to get a new one?

No. That's all right.
I got one right here.

Hey, Norm,
close the hood.

Start walking real fast.

Hey, guys, how do I look?

Hey, Major Spiffy.

That's right.
Today's the big day, isn't it?

Yep. Kelly's
coming back from France.

She's hopping the pond, eh?

The what?

The pond.
It's a reference to the Atlantic.

The Atlantic is an ocean,
not a pond, Dr. Crane.

How many of those
have you had?

Apparently not enough.

Boy, I am
really nervous.

It seems like Kelly's
been gone a year.

How long
has she been gone?

A year.

Can I put some ice
in that drink for you, Dr. Crane?

Hey, guys.

I just put a down payment
on immortality.

Yeah, what are you
talking about?

I'm sorry.
It just slipped out.

The miracle of cryogenics.

Oh, that thing
where they freeze you?

Yeah. Go ahead,
take a look.

You know,
when my number is up,

I'll be frozen and preserved
in a subzero container

Moments after, a doctor declares me
legally brain-dead.

Boy, that's a tough call.

You know, in this brochure,

these containers look kind of small.

They don't freeze your entire body.
No, just the brain part.

They cut off your head
and freeze it?

What do they do with the rest
of your body, throw it away?

Well, it's a start.

Cliff, this corporation wouldn't be owned
by a dog food company, would it?

I want to get this straight.

So when it's time
for you to thaw,

what do they do,
they put your head in a plastic bag

and plop you
in some boiling water for three minutes?

Sammy, Sammy,
this is science, not lean cuisine.

Hey, Clavin on ice. That's nice.

Now, wait a minute.

Why is everybody
making fun of Cliff?

Now, I'm not saying that I believe
that Cliff's severed head

will be brought back
to life in the year 2278

to charm and delight
a new generation of Bostonians,

but who knows?

I mean, who can
predict the future?

Hey, look, everybody.

It's Clavin's family reunion.

That's it. I'm out of here.

I'll have real friends
in 2278.

Oh, yeah,
you and the other severed heads

can go bowling or something.

Hello, Woody.

Kelly.

Boy, I've missed you, Kelly.

I've missed you, too, Woody.

I brought you a present.
It's a real French beret.

- Ta-da!
- Oh, wow.

It was between this one

and the one with
the arrow through it.

Oh, well, this one's nice, too.

Surprise!
I got them both.

Ohh! This is going to be fun.

This is going to be
just like old times.

I can't wait.
So what do you feel like doing?

I don't know.
What do you feel like doing?

I don't know.
What do you feel like doing?

Gosh. This is
just like old times.

Listen, maybe Henri
will know what to do.

Who?

Henri, my new best friend
from Paris.

Woody, this is Henri.

Henri, this is Woody.

Ah, Woody. Yes.
I've heard so much about you.

Give me 40 bucks, please.

I have to pay for the cab.

Thanks.

I'll be right back.

Kelly, did that guy just
take me for 40 bucks,

kiss you twice,
and leave?

Woody, you're so American.

Henri is my photography teacher.

He's the greatest.

He showed me all of Paris,

taught me all
about French food,

taught me not to be
ashamed of my body,

and he lectured me
in history and art.

Wait, wait, wait.
Can we go back to that body thing?

Henri took some
art photographs of me.

They were very tasteful.

Now, hold on.

You guys aren't...

No. Of course not.

He's just here
on vacation.

Sure, he's always joking

about how he's going to
steal me away from you,

but he's only kidding.

Are you sure?

Henri, you're going to love this.

Woody thinks you really are

trying to steal me
away from him.

Oh. Ha ha ha!

Oh, that's so funny.

I am, you know.

Right out from under your nose.

See how he is, Woody?
He really cracks me up.

Yeah. That's a good one.

I got one for you, Henri.

Get your hands
off my girlfriend.

Henri, if you'll excuse us
a moment...

Woody, I think you were
a little rude to Henri just now.

Yeah, well I think Henri
was a little rude, too.

He's supposed to be rude.
He's French.

I'm Sam Malone,
by the way.

Oh! I've heard about you
in France.

- Oh, yeah. You follow baseball?
- No.

- Stewardesses.
- Ah.

When I first came in,

I was afraid
that you were Woody,

but then when I saw the real thing,
I was most relieved.

Why is that?

No competition.

I could steal Kelly

with both hands
tied behind my back.

Ooh.

Listen...

Kelly's Woody's girlfriend.

I'm sure you could have
any woman you wanted.

I know, but Kelly
is so innocent and naive.

I love to change that.

Boy, I'm kind of torn here.

I mean, Woody's
my closest friend,

but that is
a real solid argument.

You know, Woody may
surprise you there.

You know, he looks
like a pushover,

but he's got his way
with women.

Oh, no, I've been shot
through the head!

I've been shot
through the head!

I'll take my chances.

Come on, Woody. Woody,
how about this one?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Henri, the guy
who's going to steal your girlfriend.

Now, Henri,

this is getting a little tiresome.

Oh?

I'm kidding.
It's really cute.

Oh.

Woody, why don't you
get us some drinks?

Three sodas, Sam.

You know, Woody,

I'd watch out for that guy
if I were you.

Oh, I know
he's annoying, Carla,

but Kelly swears

he's just joking around
to get my goat.

I don't think he's joking
around there, Woody.

I don't think so,
either.

I mean, the French
aren't exactly known

for their sense of humor.

What do you mean?

Well, let me
put it this way--

Their comic hero
is Jerry Lewis.

What's your point?

Yeah.
What's your point?

Oh, Henri,
that's impossible.

No one can do that.

No, it's true.
I'll show you.

What are you guys doing?

Henri says
he can teach me

to tie a knot in a cherry stem
with my tongue.

Here. We'll demonstrate.

I'll be the cherry stem.

Hold it. Hold it.
That's it, frogman.

Get away
from my girlfriend.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking
you're more sophisticated than me

and classier than me
and smarter than me

and that you got
better hair than mine

and that
you're taller than me,

and you got
that strong jawline.

What was my point?

Oh, yeah.
You get out of here

Before I kick your butt
back to the Eiffel Tower!

Very well.

But I do feel

I should be allowed
to say something in my defense.

Go ahead.

I'm going to steal
your girlfriend.

I can't believe Kelly
would be so mad at me

just because I stood up
to Henri.

It's like she's starting to
like him better than me.

Hey, Sam,
you don't think that...

Maybe they've been to...

To... the back of the barn?

I was going to say
to bed together.

What is the back of the barn?
What does that mean?

That's--That's where
the compost heap is.

I can't think of anyplace
less romantic.

Back of the...

I don't think they've
slept together yet, Woody,

but I would be
concerned about Henri.

I mean,
I know guys like this.

I mean, I am
a guy like this.

What can I do, Sam?

Well, how's--how's your love life,

I mean, the physical part?

Well, I can't speak for Kelly,

but I'm looking forward to it.

You're telling me

that you and Kelly
haven't slept together?

Well, we did once
when we went to see Old Gringo,

but the whole row
was snoring.

Well, you know, I think
this may be your problem here, Wood.

Well...

I always figured we'd wait
until after we were married.

That's the way
everybody in Hanover does it,

except for that couple
that teaches art at the high school.

I think waiting for marriage
is a wonderful idea.

I wish I had.

I also wish
that I'd studied harder in college

and maybe gone for
a different career.

Maybe engineering.

And you know,
Boston was a bad move.

And then, I mean, of course,
you can't choose your own parents,

but if I could have,

I would have chosen two

that were more supportive,

you know, like Brian Keith

and Maureen O'Hara
in The Parent Trap.

Woody, is this helping you?

Well, even if it isn't,

just thinking about
The Parent Trap for a moment

made me feel good.

What do you think
about premarital sex, Mr. P?

Well, Wood, there's
an old saying--

You know,
"Why buy the cow

when you can get
the milk for free?"

Then, of course,
you get married,

and you wake up one day
and realize,

"Oh, my God, I've married a cow."

Thanks, Mr. P.

Hey, Sam,
what if we do it

and it becomes like a crutch

and we rely on it
for the rest of our lives?

Well, then you know
you did it right.

But you better hurry,
or Henri's going to beat you to it.

All right.

I'm going to go
through with it.

- All right.
- Yeah. Right.

If it's going to happen,

it's got to be wonderful.

Where can we go?
We can't go to her place

because her dad's home.

Well, then, why don't you
go to a motel?

This is all second nature to you,
isn't it, Sam?

Look at him, will you?

Walking out of here a boy.

He's going to come back...

A happy boy.

Everyone,

this is Dr. Eugene Eckworth,

a renowned scientist and surgeon,

a man who not only believes
in cryogenics,

but has just performed
the procedure

you all scorned
so zestfully.

Yes. I am in the process

of transferring one
of our thermostatic clients

to a storage facility.

My good friend Frasier asked
me to stop by for a drink.

You're telling me

you brought a severed head
into the bar?

We got to have a policy
against that, don't we?

Hey.

Don't worry. It's frozen.

It's not like
it's going to go bad or anything.

Say, a game of pool, gene?

- You can leave the head there.
- Oh, that's just fine.

Ooh. Weird-looking box.

What's in there?

I don't know.

Why don't you look?

- Okay.
- No, no. Don't do that.

There's a frozen severed head
in that thing.

Oh, give me a break, Sam.

She's right.
There's no head in there.

Then why doesn't
somebody open it?

You're kind of in charge
of all the body parts around here,

aren't you, Sam?

All right. Well...

I'll open it up,
take a quick look,

see that there's no head in there,

- and then I'll just shut it up again.
- Okay.

This is--

Well?

I can't see
anything in there.

Help me.

- Aah!
- Aah!

Well, look
who's laughing now, huh?

Help me. Help me.

You guys are running away
from a tape recorder.

Cliff, I must admit
that was funny.

Thanks a lot, Gene.

No problem, Frase.

Take care.

Hey, Doc, that was great.
Congratulations.

We make a good team, you and me.
We showed them.

Hey, how would you like

to play a trick like that
on somebody else tomorrow, huh?

Wouldn't that be great?

Lot of people
I'd like to get even with--

Guys down at the post office,

all the people
in my apartment complex.

Ma. Ooh, I'd love to nail her.

Help me.

Well, here's your room,
Mr. and Mrs. Malone.

Well, thank you.

My wife and I really enjoy
getting away from the kids

for a relaxing evening.

By the way, honey,

shouldn't we call
the babysitter

and tell her there's some
chicken in the fridge?

The little woman
is a great cook.

Almost makes putting up
with the mother-in-law worthwhile.

You two aren't married,
are you?

No.

Gee. You really had me
going there for a while.

Well...

This is it.

Just you and me
alone together.

So, what should we do first?

We could kiss.

Yeah. We've done that lots of times.

Yeah.

Boy, I've never felt
this self-conscious about kissing.

My lips feel huge.

Well, they've always been full.

Really?

They feel like two big pieces of liver
slapping together.

Oh, no.
I can hardly talk.

Woody, I think we're both
a little bit nervous.

So why don't we...

...lie down and relax?

Okay?

Oh... Hey,

this is one of those
vibrating beds.

I always wanted
to try this.

Oh, darn.
I dropped the quarter.

I have another quarter.

No, I'll get it.

I'll turn it off.

Boy, I don't know why
people like this.

Let me kiss
your head, Woody.

Does that feel better?

Yeah, that feels
a lot better.

Oh, no.
It's the manager.

He figured out
we're not married.

Woody, you told him
we're not married.

Then I guess it was easy
for him to piece together.

Woody, open the door!

Carla, what are you doing here?

Good. You're still dressed.

Thank God I'm not too late.

I knew I would find
you guys here.

I got to talk to you guys

before you make what could be

the worst mistake of your lives.

What's she talking about, Woody?

I'm talking about
you two getting together

in this motel room
for all the wrong reasons.

She's talking about the two of us
getting together in this motel room

for all the wrong reasons.

Kids...

Making love...

...is a very special thing
between two people.

You don't want
to throw that away

just so you can beat some
Frenchman to the punch.

Believe me.

I came to this motel
when I was 16 years old.

You know what happened?

I got knocked up.

And...

Here I am,

eight kids later,

trying to talk you kids out
of making the same mistake.

Carla's right.

When it happens,
it has to be special.

It has to be the most
meaningful thing in the whole world.

You know, if it were up to me...

I--I think
we should wait.

You mean
until we're married?

No. Until I can afford
a nice room at The Four Seasons

instead of some cheap motel.

No offense, Carla.

I know this place
has sentimental meaning to you.

Let's go.

Boy, I'm glad I could
help you guys.

I don't know how
to thank you, Carla.

Yeah. It's okay.

See, I told you
I could get us a vacancy.

Come on, Frenchie.

Here's your big chance.

Steal me away from Woody.

Hey, Doc,
where is everybody?

Seen Norm?

Well, Cliff...

Norm was pretty upset

about our little severed head gag
this afternoon.

He's been moping
in the poolroom all day.

I don't know.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It was meant to be a joke.

Hey, Norm!
Come on out here, will you?

I didn't mean to scare you.

You know, let me--
let me go see if he's okay.

Oh, my God!

Cliff ie!

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Very funny, Frase.

Hey, I go where the thrills are.