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1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,546
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:10,052
Lilith, boy, am I happy
to see you.
3
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,637
And I as ever you.
4
00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:13,639
I was cleaning out my garage,
5
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:17,267
and I was going to toss a whole
bunch of old toys into the dumpster.
6
00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:20,938
And then I thought, "Oh, heck,
maybe the Crane kid would like them."
7
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:23,565
Oh, goody, war toys.
8
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:24,900
Yeah.
9
00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:27,152
Get a load of these, huh?
10
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,905
Ah, little tin Confederate soldiers
11
00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:31,532
so my child
can have the fun
12
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:35,077
of reliving the carnage
and agony of the Civil War.
13
00:00:35,244 --> 00:00:37,913
You bet. My Gino once did
a battle of Gettysburg
14
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:42,000
using these and a can
of tomato bisque soup.
15
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:45,170
Oh, here's a cute
little dolly.
16
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:46,505
Yeah. if you run her
along the bar,
17
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:50,259
she screams, and sparks
fly out of her eyes.
18
00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,970
Carla, these toys
are inappropriate.
19
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,973
I fear that a child
who spent his time playing with them
20
00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:59,768
would be in grave danger of developing
severe personality disorders,
21
00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:01,812
possibly bordering
on the psychotic.
22
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:05,148
Wow! Sparkhead!
23
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,192
I used to love this
when I was a kid.
24
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:09,027
Hey, guess who Sid and Gladys
ran into the other day?
25
00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:10,153
Hank and Marilyn.
26
00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:14,366
Through
the windshield--aah!
27
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,910
Aah! Skidding
on the pavement!
28
00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:22,249
See? Do I want my son
to grow up like that?
29
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,549
- Thanks for dropping me off, honey.
- Oh, sure.
30
00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,720
Oh, I tell you guys.
Man... whoo!
31
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:19,056
Martha's Vineyard
is the sweetest place on Earth.
32
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,350
- Bye, Sam.
- Bye, Martha.
33
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:30,275
Let me buy you guys
a round here, huh?
34
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:32,402
You are
in a good mood.
35
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,237
Well, why not? I woke up
on the right side of her bed.
36
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,657
You dog!
37
00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:40,535
I know something that will
make you feel even better.
38
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:41,870
Yeah? What's that?
39
00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:43,538
Guess who's taking over
Melville's today.
40
00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:45,290
Me? Wow!
41
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:46,583
John Allen Hill,
42
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,794
Manhattan's foremost restaurateur.
43
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:49,878
And guess who
made it all happen?
44
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:51,672
Me? Wow!
45
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,007
No, me. I was talking
to Robin's--
46
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,176
Wait, wait, wait. Does this story
have anything to do with me?
47
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,387
- Yes.
- Wow!
48
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:01,390
Go on, go on, go on.
49
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:02,933
When Mr. Hill makes Melville's
50
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,351
the toast of Boston's night life,
51
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,687
our little bar will ride
right along with it.
52
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,188
And all because of me.
53
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,815
Wow!
54
00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:14,111
Guys, check this out.
55
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:17,948
Kelly sent me pictures of herself
all the way from Paris.
56
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:19,116
Wow.
57
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,036
- This one's a cutie.
- Ooh, yeah.
58
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,664
That's her on her bed
in the convent.
59
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:29,960
Looking rather fetching
in an oversized T-shirt
60
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:34,089
reading, 'Je suis avec stupide."
61
00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:35,841
Oh, ho ho.
62
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:37,968
Ooh-la-la.
63
00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:40,345
So who do you suppose took
those snapshots, Wood?
64
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,264
Probably her roommate,
Cindy Ann.
65
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:43,807
I don't know, Woody.
66
00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:45,350
There's a thumb
in this picture.
67
00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:48,228
Either it's a man's thumb
or little Cindy Ann could use
68
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,397
a big bottle of Nair for Christmas.
69
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,485
I can't believe it.
70
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,320
This is a man's thumb.
71
00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:59,197
She's having some
hairy French guy
72
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,908
take sexy pictures of her.
73
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,578
All right, well,
two can play at this game.
74
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,622
I'm going to have some
hairy French guy take pictures of me.
75
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:18,258
I'm John Hill,
your new upstairs neighbor.
76
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,553
- Oh, hi.
- And you must be Sam Malone.
77
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:22,679
Yeah. How'd you know?
78
00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,848
My hatcheck girl
described your hair.
79
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:27,768
She didn't do it justice.
80
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,936
Ah. Well, it's kind of a hobby.
81
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,063
The joy it must bring you.
82
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:37,486
Well, Mr. Malone,
since we're going to be neighbors,
83
00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:39,321
I brought a little gift
for your tavern.
84
00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:42,491
Oh, look at that.
Hey. All right.
85
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:45,243
It's a welcome mat
with a duck on it. Look at that.
86
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:48,371
Well, we've never really used
a doormat before.
87
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,123
Not counting
Clavin.
88
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,753
Do you think
this kind of thing
89
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,922
goes in a sports bar?
90
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:59,382
Back in Hanover,
duck hunting is considered
91
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,635
one of the manliest of sports.
92
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,512
We used to do it
all the time.
93
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,972
You actually
shot ducks, Woody?
94
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,184
Oh, no. It's just an excuse
for the guys to get together
95
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:10,811
and drink hot cocoa
96
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,647
and blow those little quacker dealies.
97
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:18,777
I had the best one.
I made it out of a Good and Plenty box.
98
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,197
He's cute.
99
00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,825
Does he come with
his own dueling banjo?
100
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:33,542
Well, Mr. Malone, please make sure
your patrons use this mat
101
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,877
before tracking dirt
up to Melville's.
102
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:37,462
Oh...
103
00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:41,216
John, you know, I--Listen.
I really don't think so.
104
00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:42,467
Oh.
105
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:43,969
Well, fine.
106
00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:46,763
Oh, by the way, I...
107
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,140
I think this will
amuse you, Sam.
108
00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:50,517
In looking
at the property map
109
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,353
that came with my title deed,
110
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,814
it appears that the area
beyond that hallway
111
00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:58,066
actually belongs to me.
112
00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:00,068
Oh, no, John,
that's the pool room,
113
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,403
and those are our bathrooms.
114
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,113
No, no, no. Look here.
115
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,781
You see?
116
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:07,617
Apparently, it was Melville's
old storage basement.
117
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,119
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
118
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:12,122
Don't get alarmed.
I have no designs on them.
119
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:16,334
I just mentioned it because
I thought it was amusing.
120
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:19,212
Yeah, that's--
that's very funny.
121
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,342
So, do we still get to use it?
122
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,927
Of course. We're neighbors.
123
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,762
Neighbors help each other.
124
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:30,015
Yeah, of course they do.
125
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,600
You know, I got an idea.
126
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,393
Why don't you let me
help you put this duck mat
127
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,228
right down at the foot
of the stairs.
128
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,106
Oh, that's very
thoughtful of you, Sam.
129
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:40,650
Oh, um,
one other thing--
130
00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:43,945
Our garbage area
seems to be strewn with beer cans
131
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,655
that appear to have been crushed
132
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,866
against someone's forehead.
133
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,409
I warned you about that.
134
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,202
Hey, I get crazy.
135
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:56,458
Don't--Don't worry
about it, John.
136
00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:58,335
I'll take care
of that right away.
137
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,796
Also, your red Corvette
seems to be parked in my space.
138
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:05,133
Oh, no, now, John,
I've always parked in that space.
139
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,968
Not any longer.
140
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:09,220
Fine. All right, I'll move it.
141
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,431
- Of course you will.
- Heh!
142
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,313
You know, I...
143
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,024
I don't know if
I like this guy so much.
144
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:23,151
He seems kind of snooty.
145
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:25,362
He's not snooty, Sam.
He's sophisticated.
146
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,864
I think this bar
could benefit from his kind of class.
147
00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:30,909
Aw, come on.
Cheers is classy enough the way it is.
148
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:43,296
Have you ever seen
so many Yuppies with gold cards?
149
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:47,092
John Allen Hill
worked his magic,
150
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,052
and we reap
the benefits.
151
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,012
I love these charge slips.
152
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:54,224
Lookit here.
They put down a five for a tip.
153
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:56,351
Now, all I have to do
154
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:58,311
is stick a "one" in front of it...
155
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:02,440
...and I got 15.
156
00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:05,026
All right, Normie.
You beat me fair and square.
157
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,612
So, all right,
let me buy you a beer.
158
00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,549
Excuse me.
I was...
159
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,634
I was sitting there.
160
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,012
There was no one here
when we came in.
161
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,346
No, I mean
yesterday.
162
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:39,644
And... really,
since the Ford administration.
163
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,982
We're just waiting for our table
up at Melville's.
164
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:47,110
- So you'll move?
- Look, there's lots of other stools.
165
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:58,788
Ahem. Look, sounds kind of sill--I'm, uh--
166
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,665
I'm Norm.
167
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:07,255
I'm Jeffrey. This is Hilary.
168
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:09,507
Nice to meet you.
What do you do, Norm?
169
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:10,717
I sit there.
170
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:16,723
Well, it's nice meeting you.
171
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,183
Ahem.
172
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:19,642
Ahem.
173
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:22,353
Look...
174
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:25,356
This is... This is...
175
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:27,776
We're running out of time here.
176
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,153
He's already two stages
beyond anything I've seen before.
177
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,946
So I think you better
give him the stool.
178
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,490
I'm sorry.
We're sitting here.
179
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,744
Norm! Norm!
180
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:53,927
What's all the commotion about?
181
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,096
Who cares?
Set 'em up, wood.
182
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,477
Cheers.
183
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,229
Okay. Just a second.
184
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:05,772
Armstrong. Party of four.
185
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,065
Your table is ready.
186
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:08,274
Have our drinks sent upstairs.
187
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,943
We'll pay for them up there.
188
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,569
Excuse me?
189
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,738
Young man,
could you call upstairs
190
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:14,989
and tell them that we're waiting
down in the lounge
191
00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:17,117
until our table's ready?
192
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,368
Sure.
193
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,995
No, Woody, no.
This is not Melville's lounge.
194
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,622
I got to go talk to this Hill guy.
195
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,749
This is getting
out of hand.
196
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:29,170
This is my bar,
not his stupid Yuppie lounge.
197
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:33,424
I think Sam's overreacting just a bit,
don't you?
198
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,969
Ciao, gang.
199
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,512
Bradley!
200
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,937
Times, they are a-changin',
Mr. Peterson.
201
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:49,732
Hey, Norm, Norm, Norm, Norm,
give me your coat and tie, will you?
202
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:53,319
I forgot about
their stupid dress code.
203
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:56,156
Woody. You sent up a party of eight
204
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,616
without calling ahead.
205
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,827
Where is my brain?
206
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,538
Oh, man, this is going too far.
207
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:05,665
Sam, Sam, Sam, stop. Relax.
208
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,625
Listen. Don't let your anger
get the better of you.
209
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:09,460
It's the worst thing you can do
210
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,254
in a business situation.
211
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,464
Well, maybe you're right.
I don't know. It just--
212
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,175
It seems to me like
he's turning our bar
213
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:18,970
into... into something
Diane would have liked.
214
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,058
All right, Sam.
You hold him, I'll hit him.
215
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:25,435
No...
216
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,566
You were right.
Thanks, man.
217
00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:34,277
You were right the first time.
Listen. I'll just go talk to him. Here.
218
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,738
Say, Mr. Hill--John.
219
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,364
Could I have a little chat with you?
220
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:39,824
Oh, certainly, Mr. Malone.
221
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:43,203
John, I'm...
222
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,913
I'm feeling
a little uncomfortable
223
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,999
with you delegating
new responsibilities
224
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,293
to my employees.
225
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,545
I understand completely.
226
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:53,838
Oh, good. So it'll stop.
227
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:57,425
No. I think I deserve a little leeway.
228
00:11:57,592 --> 00:11:59,928
After all, I am allowing you
to use that poolroom
229
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:01,179
As well as both washrooms.
230
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:02,889
Oh, no, no. no, wait a second.
231
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,265
I could just as easily say
that I'm allowing you
232
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,683
and your customers
to use my stairs.
233
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,101
I mean, look.
234
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,103
There go two of your customers
up my stairs.
235
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:12,232
Yes, and there go two of your customers
into my washroom.
236
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,608
Yeah? Well, look.
237
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:17,237
There go three more of your customers
up my stairs.
238
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,656
Sam, I'm sensing hostility here,
239
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:22,700
and, frankly, it hurts me.
240
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:27,205
I mean, especially since
I came down to do you a favor.
241
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,582
Oh. I'm... well, I'm sorry.
242
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,125
What's that?
243
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:32,460
I wanted to give you
the number of the impound lot
244
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,629
where your automobile
has been towed.
245
00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:36,047
What?
246
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:37,465
Well, you parked
in my space again,
247
00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:40,051
and I had to have it
taken away.
248
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:42,428
You towed my 'Vette?
249
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,721
Sam.
250
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,473
Sam.
251
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,267
He towed my 'Vette.
252
00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:51,938
Well, all right.
253
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,899
All right. I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to ask you
254
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:58,444
and your customers
to no longer use my stairs.
255
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,363
Don't you think that's
a little drastic?
256
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,407
No, I don't.
I think it's quite fair.
257
00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:04,492
I mean, it's not like
I'm scratching their chrome
258
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:05,868
with a giant metal hook.
259
00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:11,874
Very well.
260
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,043
Everyone.
May I have your attention?
261
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,879
Melville's patrons
are no longer welcome here.
262
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:18,548
Would you please
join me upstairs
263
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,341
for a complimentary cocktail?
264
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:23,928
No. Whoa, whoa.
265
00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:25,471
Not you, Norm.
266
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:28,850
Carla. Carla,
bring me one down.
267
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:31,436
Hey, Carla,
get out of line.
268
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:37,942
Well, I think
I handled that quite well.
269
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:40,236
Nobody messes with Sam Malone,
270
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:44,407
least of all some
hairless king of the snobs.
271
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:48,286
Wow, that was a real shot at you
from out of nowhere, huh, Dr. Crane?
272
00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:59,172
Here we go.
273
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,215
Well, congratulations, Sammy.
274
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:03,426
It's been a whole week
since you gave Hill the boot,
275
00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:06,471
- and he hasn't retaliated at all
- Ha ha ha!
276
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:10,058
Oh, yeah. I know guys like that,
they're all the same.
277
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,352
You call their bluff,
278
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,020
pretty soon they crumble.
279
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,660
Can you believe
the nerve of that guy,
280
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,454
putting up a wall like this?
281
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:33,790
You know, the Constitution
guarantees us certain rights,
282
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,541
among those the right
to go to the bathroom
283
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,085
and the right to play pool!
284
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:38,503
Way to tell him off,
Sammy.
285
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:40,922
Actually, they wouldn't let me in
because I wasn't wearing a jacket.
286
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:43,883
But he can hear me!
287
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,593
Sam, calm down.
288
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,595
I'm calm. I'm calm.
I mean, it's just that,
289
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,514
according to his lawyer,
290
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,641
that horse's ass is not
gonna take down that brick wall
291
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,685
until I pay rent
on the poolroom.
292
00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:57,688
Ooh, ooh.
Look what I did.
293
00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:01,067
I stole all his dinner mints.
294
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,236
I know, I know, I know.
I shouldn't have done it.
295
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,029
I just let him get to me
just a touch.
296
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:07,782
It won't happen again.
Swear to God. Ha ha!
297
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:11,244
Ten bucks says
he goes ballistic by midnight.
298
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,663
I got ten that says 11:00.
299
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,706
I'll take 9:30.
300
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,291
Frase, you want in?
301
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,626
Well, I don't think
that would be fair.
302
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:21,170
I mean, I am a professional psychiatrist.
303
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:23,214
Then again it might
give me the edge I need.
304
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:26,217
I say by 8:15, he'll be
spitting up blood.
305
00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:33,599
Dr. Crane?
306
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,934
I need your help.
307
00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:37,395
I've been walking the streets,
308
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:39,147
pulling out my hair,
309
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:40,940
bumping into things,
310
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:42,650
talking to myself.
311
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,444
So what's new, Woody?
312
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:47,905
Well, it's Kelly.
313
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:51,826
I can't stop thinking about her
and that man with the thumb.
314
00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:56,289
Woody, you've created
this whole scenario
315
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,790
Based on--on what?
316
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,626
A snapshot of an innocent girl
in a T-shirt.
317
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,795
If you want to straighten things out,
why don't you just call her
318
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,256
and talk to her?
319
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,342
Maybe you're right.
320
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:11,471
Maybe if I just talk to her,
it could clear this whole thing up.
321
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,763
But so help me, God,
322
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,724
if a man with a thumb answers...
323
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,603
Hold on.
324
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,813
It's him. It's the thumb guy.
325
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,398
And you know
what that pervert said to me?
326
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,609
"Allo."
What does that mean in English?
327
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,612
Wait, I know it.
I took some French in high school.
328
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,406
I think "Allo... Allo" means...
329
00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:32,408
"I've got your girlfriend in my arms,
330
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,118
and soon we'll be naked,
331
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:35,828
you stupid cuckold."
332
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:38,831
That's funny, Norm,
333
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,124
because I thought
it meant...
334
00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:41,709
"I've got your girlfriend in my arms,
335
00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:44,629
and we're already naked,
you stupid cuckold."
336
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:48,758
Oh, for God's sake,
stop hectoring the poor lad.
337
00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:50,092
Woody,
it simply means...
338
00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,178
that "I enjoyed your girlfriend."
339
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,897
All right, listen, Monsieur Thumb,
you think you got problems--
340
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,815
Woody, Woody, stop.
We were just joking.
341
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:07,235
Here, let me talk to him.
342
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,195
Bonjour, monsieur.
343
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,113
Je suis un ami de Woody.
344
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,573
Un petit probleme.
345
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:14,951
Ma question est
le photographe de Kelly...
346
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:16,536
Uh-huh.
347
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,163
Non. Non.
348
00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:22,625
C'est Merveilleux.
Merci.
349
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:28,422
Oh, Woody. it seems that there's
a monsignor Pilote,
350
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,132
a very elderly French cleric,
351
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,969
who was the one that took
the photograph of your beloved.
352
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,720
Oh. Wow.
353
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:35,930
Thank you, Dr. Crane.
354
00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:38,349
I feel a million times better.
355
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:39,642
You know what I'm gonna do?
356
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,519
I'm gonna go write Kelly
357
00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,604
the best darn love letter
she's ever had.
358
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:44,981
There you go.
359
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:50,111
So, uh, some old
French priest, huh?
360
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,196
I have no idea.
361
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:55,324
Apparently Woody dialed
the wrong exchange.
362
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:56,701
Somewhere in Belgium,
363
00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,953
there's a very confused chocolatier.
364
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:06,961
I'm taking things
into my own hands here.
365
00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:08,504
I hate that damn wall.
366
00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:10,881
I'm gonna put my bar
back the way it was.
367
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:13,467
Coming out.
No more bets.
368
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:16,304
Excuse me. You may wanna
move over here just a little bit.
369
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:17,722
Fellas, you may wanna take note
370
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:19,348
where you were
the day the wall came down.
371
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,075
Is it down yet?
372
00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:46,751
Mr. Hill, wait here just one moment,
please. Okay?
373
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,128
Sam.
374
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,130
I don't want you
to be mad at me,
375
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,674
but I brought Mr. Hill here
to settle this whole ugly mess
376
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:54,925
between the two of you.
377
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:56,469
Please say
you'll talk to him.
378
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,263
Oh, sure. I'd love
to talk to him.
379
00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:01,724
Not with the sledgehammer.
380
00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:04,143
I wasn't going
to actually hit him with it.
381
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:08,105
I was just gonna drop it
on his foot by mistake.
382
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,482
No, Sam.
383
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,151
Sammy. Just let me
have it.
384
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:13,861
Ow!
385
00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:15,863
It would've worked, Sam.
386
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:19,992
No. I'll just...
387
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,786
I'll go talk to him.
That's all right.
388
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:22,870
Mr. Hill.
389
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:24,997
John.
390
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,582
I'm glad you came back.
391
00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:28,209
Sit down for a second.
392
00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:31,504
Things have just gotten too far
out of hand here.
393
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:34,090
I mean, come on.
We're neighbors.
394
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,051
We need to learn
to live together.
395
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:39,261
We need each other.
396
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:41,055
I don't need you.
397
00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,140
Oh, God, you're evil.
398
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:48,479
I can't fight the evil.
399
00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:54,694
I--l--I give up, Mr. Hill.
400
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:59,031
You know,
the funny thing is,
401
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:00,866
when I got my bar back
just recently,
402
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,410
I thought,
403
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,995
"Hey, Sam, you're on top
of the world here.
404
00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:07,206
Your life's
finally turning around.
405
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:09,667
You're in charge
of your own destiny."
406
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:13,045
But I was wrong.
407
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,715
You have my bathrooms, Mr. Hill.
408
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,466
You hold all the cards.
409
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:18,759
You're everything.
410
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,594
You're God.
411
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:21,929
I'm nothing.
412
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:25,182
Here's your rent.
413
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,435
I'm sorry, Sam.
I was wrong.
414
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:29,895
- I don't want your money.
- You don't?
415
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,398
No. I just want you to make
that speech to me in public
416
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:35,526
every month
when your rent is due.
417
00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:38,362
No, no.
I was wrong. You're not God.
418
00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:41,365
You're some big,
petty, mean nothing.
419
00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:43,409
I'm gonna give you
your rent every month.
420
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,703
And every month from here on out,
and I'll tell you, every time I do
421
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,705
I'm gonna write
right down here on the memo part,
422
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,915
"You're not God."
423
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,460
There, huh?
How do you like that?
424
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:55,379
Well, you certainly
put me in my place.
425
00:20:57,882 --> 00:21:01,260
I'll just... take your money and go.
426
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:02,678
Yeah. Good.
Good.
427
00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:04,889
Oh, by the way,
when I came in,
428
00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:06,599
I noticed they were towing
your car again.
429
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,101
What for?
I didn't park in your space.
430
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,395
No, but it was in a fire lane.
431
00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:13,230
I don't make the rules.
432
00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:16,734
I just notify the authorities
when they're broken.
433
00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:19,361
Oh, God!
434
00:21:19,528 --> 00:21:21,489
He's making me insane!
435
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,574
I'd say that scream
makes it official.
436
00:21:23,741 --> 00:21:25,367
Woody,
who won the pool?
437
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:28,788
Well...oh, Sam, you aren't
gonna believe this.
438
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,122
The winner of the $200
439
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,833
is our friendly new
neighbor John A. Hill.
440
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,210
Aah!
441
00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:39,507
He gets paid $200
to make me insane?
442
00:21:39,673 --> 00:21:41,008
He can't get away
with this.
443
00:21:41,175 --> 00:21:42,843
This is not fair.
I'll tell you something.
444
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:44,595
I'm gonna make him
take down that brick wall
445
00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:47,723
brick by brick
with his own little polished fingernails.
446
00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:50,059
I need--
I need to get back.
447
00:21:50,226 --> 00:21:51,227
I need revenge.
448
00:21:51,393 --> 00:21:52,394
Oh, yes, yes.
449
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:54,063
The mat. The stupid mat.
450
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:55,439
I've always hated this mat.
451
00:21:55,606 --> 00:21:57,399
This is the mat from hell.
452
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:02,238
Never mind. Never mind.
453
00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,073
Where's my sledgehammer?
454
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,908
Yeah.
455
00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:07,993
Die, you stupid duck!
456
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:12,373
Sam. Sammy.
457
00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:13,916
You're not making
a dent in it.
458
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,335
Oh, yeah?
Watch this.
459
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:20,339
Burn, Donald, burn.
460
00:22:23,717 --> 00:22:26,428
It won't burn.
461
00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:29,723
Say, this is a pretty good mat,
isn't it?
462
00:22:33,269 --> 00:22:35,437
I know what I'm gonna do.
463
00:22:36,146 --> 00:22:38,732
I'm gonna take this home
for myself.
464
00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:41,193
I'm gonna bring back
one of those cheap ones,
465
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:43,696
the kind that wear out
all the time.
466
00:22:43,863 --> 00:22:45,781
And then he'll have to
replace it himself.
467
00:22:45,948 --> 00:22:47,741
Every month.
Ha ha ha!
468
00:22:47,908 --> 00:22:49,618
I win!
31527
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