All language subtitles for Cheers.S09E04.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Anybody seen my gum?
I left it around here somewhere.

What'd you take your gum out for?

Ah, give my mouth a rest. You know.

"Dear diary,
today it finally happened."

Wood, can I have another...

Cliff, I think I found your gum.

Shoot. This is a new jacket, too, man.

Well, Norm, if you don't mind,
I suggest that you ice it,

then try to scrape the bulk
of it off with a razor blade,

and maybe that way
you can save it.

Oh, no, that's okay, Frase.

I was about to get
a new piece anyway.

Sounds like a lot of work, Frasier.
I don't know.

Well, alternatively,
you could wait several years

for the resins to break down,

the gum to harden
and fall off by itself.

I seem to have
my full range of movement.

I can wait.

Boy, did it just get warm in here?
I hate Indian summers.

I never know what to wear
to work in the morning.

If it's going to get cold,
it should stay cold.

But then, who am I
to question the Lord?

What's with the getup?

It's Indian summer, Sam.
I need these clothes for protection.

Protection from what?

The eyes of men.

What are you talking about?

Every time I've conceived a kid,
it's been during Indian summer.

It's when I'm
at my most fertile, Sammy.

I cannot let any man touch me,
talk to me, or see me,

or I'll be shooting out kids
like a PEZ dispenser.

Oh, come on.

No, Sammy, I've gone
over two years now

without having a kid.

And that's a record for me.
I'm not taking any chances.

I'm just gonna stay home,
turn off the lights, lie down.

But the cable man's coming over.

Sweetheart, I promise you,

I won't let anybody
put the moves on you, okay?

Oh, no, you don't understand, Sammy.
It's not them. It's me.

When the mercury hits 95,
I can't be responsible for my actions.

Oh, who is that hunk over there,

in the uniform,
with the cute buns?

Oh, my God, it's Clavin!

Oh, this is...

This is worse than I thought.

Has he always had that mustache?

Iced coffee will cool me down.

Hey, you guys, listen to this.

"Rumor has it that the reason
jillionaire jailbird Robin Colcord

gave up his fortune and freedom
was a mystery femme.

But so far, our little
caged Robin isn't singing."

Boy, that writer really paints
a picture, doesn't he?

You know, I can just picture Mr. Colcord
sitting on his little perch in a cage,

sharpening his beak on a cuttlebone.

Woody, Woody.

Pecking away at the little bell
made of sesame seeds.

Sam!

Rebecca, this is
kind of a rip-off, isn't it?

- They don't even mention your name.
- And don't think I'm not grateful.

What do you mean?
You could've been famous.

Yes, someday
I'd like to be famous,

but not because
I'm involved with a rich man.

I'd like to be known
for some real achievement.

Oh, yeah. How's that cure
for leprosy coming along?

You know what I mean.

You know how the girlfriends
of rich millionaires

are treated by the press.
Like cheap sluts.

You know, I think it stems
from the envy that the public feels

towards people who achieve
a certain level of notoriety.

Well, also the fact that most
of those women have posed nude

in popular men's magazines.

But, you know, frankly,
I wouldn't waste my money

on publications like that.
I mean, those letters are not real.

I just hope the rag magazines
don't find out

that I am the mystery woman.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Those bloodhounds
will ferret me out

the first chance they get.

But at least I have my dignity.

Well, I'm off to change
the blue stuff in the toilet bowls.

What's the matter, Wood?

I don't get The Far Side.

Woody, Woody, hand it over here.
Come on. Let's have a look.

Okay, Wood.

Now, you see here
in the first panel,

cows are standing
on their hind legs, right?

The second panel, the car goes by,
they're acting like normal cows.

See, the idea here is, Wood, that,
you know, cows only act like cows

when we're around.
Other times they act like people.

Now, does that help you
clear it up a little bit for you?

I just meant I don't get The Far Side
in my newspaper at home,

but thanks for treating me
like a one-year-old.

Every time we turn on
Robert Vaughn's Amazing Discoveries,

we always get the hair loss episode.

It's like they never did any others.

We don't have to watch an infomercial.

We can choose from any
of 60 wonderful cable stations here.

At the very least...

There's Lyle Waggoner
talking about impotence.

People trying to whiten
their yellow teeth.

Singing in the Rain.

How to buy real estate
with no money down.

Wait, you just passed by one
of the all-time classics, Frasier.

Put it back on the yellow teeth one.

Just...

Wait. Wait. Go back.
There was a picture of Robin Colcord.

Sources have confirmed the identity
of Colcord's mystery woman.

Oh, God. They found me out.

Colcord's secret lover revealed herself
in a press conference today

to be Jeanne-Marie Beaulieu,

Charge d'affaires
for the French Consulate.

- Excuse me?
- Miss Beaulieu, a native Parisienne...

I thought Robin dumped
that French babe for you weeks ago.

Well, he did.

The nerve of that cheap slut,

pretending like Robin
turned himself in for her.

Don't worry, Rebecca.

Your friends know
who the real cheap slut is.

Thank you, Norm.

Now, Rebecca, don't be upset.

I mean, she's actually
doing you a favor.

You're off the hook.

The press is going to tear her apart

and leave your relationship
with Robin unsullied.

I guess you're right.

I mean, the only thing
that really does matter

is that I am Robin's true love.

And it actually makes it more romantic

because we're
the only ones who know.

Yeah, except for us.

I kind of told my mom in Hanover.

You know what I mean.
It's sort of like

a secret valentine
between me and Robin.

- And us.
- And my mom.

Woody, who cares
if your mother knows?

I mean, who is she going to tell?

Are you serious?

She has choir practice tonight.

Once she gets a cup
of coffee in her,

those old biddies
will bleed it out of her.

For a moist crumb cake,
she'll tell anybody

why you never see
Uncle Willie and Aunt Mae

in the same room
at the same time.

Why...

Why would that be, Wood?

I don't see any crumb cake.

Cheers.

Oh, hi, Mom.

It's for me.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
I saw the news.

But don't believe
everything you see on TV.

That French lady, Jeanne-Marie,
was telling a big whopper.

It was really Miss Howe
who was having...

...you know, with Mr. Colcord.

All right, I'm sorry. I will.

Where you going, Wood?

I have to go wash
my mouth out with soap.

I'm sorry, Woody.

Yeah, well, maybe
next time you'll think

about the consequences
of your actions.

It looks like no end
to the heat wave is in sight.

Today may actually break 100.

Oh, man.

I better get the crib
out of the garage.

Hi, everybody.
I brought doughnuts.

Hey, gee, I haven't dunked
a doughnut in years.

Wood, give me
another beer, will you?

Oh, hey. Seen The Midnight Tattler?

Seems that Jeanne-Marie sold
her love letters from Robin.

Yeah?

Look at the legs on this chick.

Hey, hey. Guys, guys, guys.

Rebecca's standing here.
Try to be more polite.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Thank you very much
for the doughnuts, Rebecca.

Look at the legs on this babe!
They continued on the next page or what?

Don't bother, Sam.
I've seen the article.

It was just a stupid, pitiable act
of a desperate woman.

Those letters are not real.

They never are.

Robin did not type those letters.

I've seen his typewriter.
He doesn't even use that font.

Cheers.

Hi, mom.

It's for me.

Yeah. Yeah, I saw the article.

Miss Howe says
it's not even his font.

What?

No, mom. Font isn't a bad word.

No, it's not. It...

All right. Okay.

Thanks a lot, Miss Howe.

Hey, Sammy, how about
turning up the sound?

Don't you care about any of this?

I mean, it's got to be
bothering you a little bit.

I wouldn't be human
if it didn't bother me a little bit,

but what does it really amount to?

I have Robin's love, and she has
a couple of blurbs in a cheap tabloid.

And it's not like she's
some national celebrity.

Join me tonight with my guests
Michael Caine, M.C. Hammer,

and the woman
Robin Colcord gave it up for,

and I mean really gave it up for,
Jeanne-Marie Beaulieu.

Watch her kick it
on the next Arsenio Hall Show.

Hey! I'm the one
who should be kicking it!

Hey, this is getting very serious.

Thank you for your concern, Sam.

Do you have any idea
how much that TV costs?

What?

The corporation owns
this bar for three years,

you don't break anything.

I have it for three weeks,
you yank my television off the wall.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.

It's just that I didn't expect
this thing with Jeanne-Marie

to go this far.

Before, nobody even took it seriously,

and all of a sudden
she's getting national attention.

- Tonight she's gonna be on Arsenio.
- Yeah, I know.

And thanks to you, I can't watch it.

Why hasn't Robin spoken out?
I mean, why hasn't he denied this?

What if he really
does love Jeanne-Marie?

What would I do?

- Hey, I know.
- What?

I'll get my landlady to tape Arsenio.

- No, Sam...
- No, you're right.

- Then I'd be obligated.
- Sam!

- You're not listening to me.
- All right, I'm listening. What?

I cannot just ask him
if he loves Jeanne-Marie

because then he'll think
that I don't trust him.

- You don't.
- I know, but I should.

But if I ask him,
"Do you love Jeanne-Marie?"

And he says yes, I don't think
that I could handle that.

If I ask if he loves me,
and he said yes,

then he would know
that I did not trust him.

And trusting him is the one thing
that I really should do

since he gave up
his fortune for me.

If he really did gave it up for me.

Which I can never know
because I can't ask.

Let me see if I can
put this in a nutshell.

What?

Sam, would you ask him for me?

No. No, no, I don't want to do that.
I've never been to prison.

Oh, well, it's not
really a real prison.

No, it's like
a minimum security deal.

It's like summer camp,

only Robin has to spend
seven to ten summers there.

No, really, and when you see him,

don't tell him
that I told you to ask, okay?

Make it sound like you
just dropped by prison,

it was just a real
casual deal for you...

No. No, Rebecca, I'm sorry.

Okay.

I get it.

It's just that...

Whenever I think that Robin
might love Jeanne-Marie,

you know, I just get
so darn mad, you know?

I just feel like I could just...

Okay, okay.

I guess I can swing by the prison...

...on my way
to the billiard supply store.

Carla, watch the bar
for me, will you?

I gotta go down
to prison for a minute.

Prison?

Isn't that where they keep
all the bad, lonely men?

Huh? Come on, Carla. No.

Oh, Sammy, take me
with you, please.

- Smuggle me in your pants.
- No.

Please. I need a tattooed man!

- Please, Sammy.
- Carla, no!

Ah, there he is. Thanks.

Hey, Robin.

Robin. Hey.

Hey, Sam.
What are you doing here?

I need to talk to you for a minute.

Oh, yeah. Certainly. Grab a racket.

Oh. Well, all right.

I'd stop to talk, only I just get
three hours a week on the court.

Prison, you know.

Oh, yeah.

Excuse me. Sam, weren't you
a professional athlete?

Well, yeah. I was a pitcher
with the American league, but...

...I never actually
had to hit anything.

I see, so basically you just did
what this machine is doing.

Yeah, but my arm got tired.

So, Sam, what have you
got on your mind?

I want to talk
about your ex-girlfriend.

Can you be more specific?

The one you ran around with
behind Rebecca's back.

Can you be more specific?

Jeanne-Marie.

Oh. Jeanne-Marie. Yes.

I do hope her little game
with the press isn't troubling Rebecca.

Yeah, well...

Yeah, it is, actually.

You know, this girl is running around
getting exploited all over the place.

But we all know that it's Rebecca
that deserves to be exploited.

Hey, these things are coming
pretty fast here.

Can we slow them down?

Oh, no, if they went any slower,
they wouldn't remain airborne.

Sam, look, if Rebecca
is really getting troubled by this,

why didn't she
make mention of it to me?

Well, I don't know, actually.

She tried to explain that to me, but I...

Yes. Enough said. Yeah.

Poor Rebecca.

Her insecurities have finally
got the better of her.

Well, perhaps I should make an end
of Jeanne-Marie's little charade

and go to the press
and tell them the truth.

Do you think that would help her?

Sure. Yeah.

Say, is your arm sore?

- What?
- My arm's sore. Right here.

Oh, yes, well, we can take
a break if you like.

- All right.
- Maurice!

Thanks, Maurice.

Hey, Robin.

Excuse me, are you
through with the court?

- Yeah, Sherman, it's all yours.
- Thanks.

Maurice!

Hey, I voted for that guy.

Okay, guys, we got it.

I think Rebecca did us
a favor by breaking that old TV.

Yeah, I like this new TV
a lot better than the old one.

We're not talking TV here.

This is the latest
in video technology here.

We got Dolby sound,
black matrix, high resolution.

Look at that!

It's almost as if Deputy Dog's
right in the room with you.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

My God!

It's another scorcher out there.

I am sick and tired

of peeling patients off
of my leather couch.

I tell you, the ones in shorts scream
like banshees when I get them up fast.

Well, fortunately,
I'm a trained psychiatrist,

and I've learned
to tune out cries for help.

Say, where's Carla?

She asked us to lock her in the office
till the heat wave breaks.

Oh, for goodness sakes.
This has gone on long enough.

The human female doesn't have
an estrus cycle.

Someone is gonna have to tell her

that the weather cannot affect
human beings this way.

Carla, may I have
a word with you, please?

Oh, God!

How is she, Frase?

Be afraid.

Be very afraid.

Has anyone seen
an afternoon paper?

What are you looking for?

Because Robin's statement
about me being his true love

is supposed to be
in the late edition.

I sent Woody out for it hours ago.

You sent Woody out there?
It's 100 degrees.

I'm sorry, Miss Howe.
I would have been here sooner,

but I think I passed out
between the news stand and here.

Woody, my man, are you all right?

Yes, he's all right.

Bet I'm on the cover.

Heat wave, heat wave, heat wave,
children in sprinklers, heat wave.

So it's a little warm out.

Grandma?

- Is that you, Grandma?
- Here.

Thank you, Grandma.

Here it is.

"Millionaire Robin Colcord says

that his true love is
some Boston bar manager."

What? That's it?

I thought I was going
to be big news.

Such is the transitory nature of fame.

You have missed
your moment in the sun.

I had three hours in the sun.

Would somebody shut him up.

This just isn't fair.

Robin gave it up for me.
Me, not Jeanne-Marie.

Hey, I wouldn't worry so much
about Jeanne-Marie.

She's washed up, too.

Look where they put her
on Hollywood Squares.

Center bottom.

Nobody's gonna call on her there.
She might as well be a Gabor.

I'll take Robin Colcord's lover to block.

No, no, whoa, whoa.

Come on, guys.
Switch the channel.

- Put a game on.
- I'm trying, Sammy.

How do you work
this damn remote?

Whoa, wait. You need this one
to work that one.

- I feel sucked in.
- Relax, relax.

No, it was my turn, Sam.

Everybody in the world
was supposed to know

that I was Robin's mystery femme.

- I was supposed to be famous.
- That's not what you said before.

You said the only thing that mattered
was that Robin loves you.

Yeah, yeah. Well...

That was back when I thought
Jeanne-Marie was gonna be laughed at.

I didn't know

that she was gonna become
America's little sweetheart

and I was going to become
America's little stupid idiot nobody.

Listen, from the outside,
fame looks great,

but when you
actually have it, it's not all

- that it's cracked up to be.
- Oh, how would you know?

Well, I had a little bit
of fame once upon a time.

Oh, yeah, right.

That time you almost
got hit by that truck.

No.

No, no, no. Come on.

When I was pitching for the Sox.

Yeah, sure. Fame has its perks.

You don't have to stand in line
in restaurants. That's very nice.

The cops let you slide
on a few traffic tickets.

That's... that's very nice.

Autographs. That's cool and all that.
But basically it's just a hassle.

- Really?
- Yeah. Sure.

Not being famous is ten times better.

- Really?
- Yeah. Yeah.

You get treated
just like everybody else.

You can go
to the supermarket in peace.

Nobody crowds around you.

Matter of fact, they don't pay
any attention to you at all.

They certainly don't let you
cut ahead of them

in the ten items or less line.
No, no, no, no.

You have to wait
behind all the old ladies.

And some of them have
way beyond ten items,

cause believe me, you got
all the time in the world

to count every little can,
every little loaf of bread.

- Sam.
- And by the time you get

to the front of the line,
they're only too happy

to cut up your credit cards

right in front of your face,
cause you're nothin'!

Sam.

Sam, are you all right?

I miss it so much, Rebecca.

I know you do.

But we're both better off
without it, Sam.

Hey, you remember
all that attention I got

when that truck almost hit me?

Well, there's no break
in this heat wave.

As a matter of fact,
tomorrow is going to be even hotter.

Let's look now
at the satellite photo...

Oh, my God!

Clear out, everybody!
She's gonna blow!