All language subtitles for Cheers.S09E03.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Here you go.

Hey.

- Something wrong?
- Yeah, I'll say.

You didn't ask me
if I needed anything else.

Do you see this row
of dollar bills here?

- Yeah.
- This is your tip.

I've set it aside in advance.

Now, here's the deal...

Every time you do something wrong,
I take a dollar bill, see?

That way I get
decent service, understood?

Fair enough.
Here's my deal for you.

Every time you take away
a dollar, I do this.

That just cost you another dollar.

There, you happy?
Your tip money's all gone.

Well, that's just great,
cause I just got my own.

So...

...how long's your brother
going to be in town?

Two weeks.

I would like to nominate
as the stupidest creature on earth,

the one who awakens each day
to drive through gridlocked traffic

to sit in a windowless office,
breathing recirculated air,

then returns home
and collapses into a stupor,

only to do the same damn thing

all over again
every day until he dies.

Looking forward
to that vacation, eh, Fras?

You bet. We're going to Maui.

Still having problems
with the computer, Sammy?

No, I think I figured out what to do.

Ah, kiss your keyboard good-bye.

Sam! Sam.

Sam. Give me the bat.
Come sit down.

Now, I'm sure that Lilith
would be delighted

to help you with your computer.

She tells me she has
quite an affinity for machines.

Naturally, you could have
knocked me over with a feather.

What is it with these machines, anyway?
Computers, faxes, voice mail?

You know, when I ran
this place in the old days,

I had everything
I needed right up here.

- Brain, Sam?
- No, good hair.

Brains!

I'm serious, you know.
Good looks can open doors.

Good hair blows them
off the hinges.

Sammy, what are you
going to do about the computer?

Rebecca's going to come
over here and fix it.

I just have to wait
until she shows up.

What about the auto show, Sam?
Don't you want to go see the new models?

That's all right.
I know where they're staying, Wood.

Sammy, we're out of pretzels.

Sorry.

Hey, we're out of pretzels.

I think that's what I meant
when I said we were out of pretzels.

Sorry I was so cryptic before.

I don't understand this,

we're supposed to get
a big shipment today.

I mean, I ordered 20 bags
from the distributor.

I mean, I even faxed it
on Rebecca's stupid fax machine.

- Oh, well.
- Oh, well?

Sammy, there are those of us
who need their pretzels.

Come on.

What am I supposed to do,
go down to the grocery store

and buy you some?

And get some beer nuts, too.
These are antiques.

You know, I have a yen
for some cheese doodles.

Hey, Sammy, while you're out there,

will you pick up some cough syrup?
I've got a little tickle.

All right, fine, I'm going
to do this once, you guys.

But you got to remember,

I'm supposed to be
the boss around here,

- not your errand boy.
- Feed my meter.

I've got those 20 bags
of cement you ordered.

What? 20 bags of cement?
I ordered 20 bags of pretzels.

I faxed my order
to Amalgamated Snack Foods.

Oh, yeah, we often intercept
their orders so we can push cement.

Maybe what happened is
I faxed it to the wrong company.

- Oh, it happens all the time.
- So you'll take it back for me?

Nope. You still got to pay for it.
Good thing it happens all the time.

Here, sign here.
I'll get the rest of it.

I don't have time to do this.
I have more important things going on.

Hey, do something with this cement.

Sure thing, Sam.

Oh, listen, while you're out,
can you pick up

some aggregate, a water trough,
a shovel, and a wheelbarrow.

Now, what am I going to build?

All right, here you go, you clowns.

Cheese doodles.

Beer nuts.

Pretzels.

Where's the cough syrup, Sam?

Oh. I knew I forgot something.

Jeez, Sam, the tickles
just don't go away

by themselves, you know.

I'm sorry.

Oh, man, I know
it's going to get in my ears.

I just know it.

Sam, I believe
I ordered cheese doodles,

not imitation puffed cheese food.

So I got the plain wrap.
What's the difference?

"Can also be used
as packing material."

See? It's efficient, too.

"Keep out of the reach of children."

You know, Sammy,

you shouldn't have
to cut corners like this.

If you're having money problems,
maybe we can help.

Come here, you guys.

Listen, you remember that raise
I gave you guys a couple of weeks ago?

How much does it
really mean to you?

More than my children's lives.

Okay, Carla gets to keep her raise.

What do you say, Woody?

Well, I suppose I can put it off
a couple of months

- if it would help.
- Oh, yeah.

Thanks, man, you're a brick.

In return for this concession,
I think the group medical plan

should be expanded
to include dental.

I'm just barely keeping
my head above water here.

What are you doing to me?

You're acting like selfish,
greedy leeches.

Well, why should we
work here then, huh?

Because we're family, honey.

Why is everybody treating me
like I'm the biggest jerk on earth?

Don't worry about them, Sammy, okay?

You're the owner here.
You have responsibilities.

If they can't handle that,
that's their problem.

- Yeah. Thanks.
- Can I have another beer, please?

I can't run a tab anymore.

I'm going to have
to take cash on this.

Or maybe you are
the biggest jerk on earth!

Maybe you are!

Fine, you know. Just fine.

You know, what do you guys
want from me, huh?

Free medical plans?
Raises all around?

How about free beer
and all the pretzels you can eat?

Can I get you anything else?

- Can we have fondue night?
- No!

Not everybody likes fondue.

- Hi.
- Hi, Miss Howe.

Oh, Woody, you don't
work for me anymore.

You don't need
to call me Miss Howe.

Just call me Rebecca.

Hi, Rebecca.

Rebecca. I kind of like that.

What do you think, Norm?

Now, now, Woody. Come on.

I'm sorry, Mr. Peterson.

It's just not me, Miss Howe.

Oh, great. There you are.

I can't stay long.
I only have a few minutes.

What's wrong with the computer?

Oh, nothing, really, I just can't
get those little green letters

to pop up on the screen.

Well, did you try booting it up?

Yeah, I did plenty of that.

Sam, you can call me stupid,

but I think if Miss Howe
was still around here,

she could take care
of all this technical stuff.

You're stupid.

I said Sam could
call me stupid, not you.

I don't know if that's
a good idea, Woody.

I said you could
call me stupid, not my idea.

Doesn't anybody listen around here?

You don't think I don't want Rebecca
back here managing the bar?

I'd love it, man. But she quit.
She's never gonna come back here.

Well, Sam, you'll never know
unless you offer her the job.

Yeah, right.
Hey, how would you guys feel

about Rebecca managing
this place again?

Well, would it raise
the price of beer?

- No.
- Then what do we care?

All right, that's a good idea.
I'll offer her the job.

Oh, good. Did you find out
what was wrong?

Yeah, the disk was in backwards,
and the keyboard connection was loose.

Also, you had picked it up
and thrown it on the ground.

Wow, Rebecca, you are so great.

You've got this
real knack for managing.

What are you doing
the rest of the day?

What are you doing
the rest of the week?

I'm going to work.

- You got a job?
- Yeah. Didn't I tell you guys?

Yeah, and it could turn out
to be something real exciting.

Oh, wow! What are you doing?

Well, I'm in public relations now.

- Good for you!
- Yeah.

I mean, it doesn't mean
I'll never see you guys.

I can still come in here as a customer.
Of course, with work and all,

I mean, I can't stay for ten,
12 hours in a stretch like you guys.

Oh, that's okay. You can be
in the part-timers club.

They sit over there.

When you're ready to commit,
you'll let us know.

Yeah. Like Phil there,
he's right on the verge.

Well, I better get back.
I've already been gone ten minutes.

Ten minutes?
She'll never make the cut.

Bye-bye.

Yeah, it would have been nice
to have her back in the bar.

Come to think of it, you know,
how much work would there be

for her really to do?
I mean, do I really need a manager?

I got a truckload
of sorghum for a Sam Malone.

I didn't say I wanted sorghum.
I said I wanted some more gum.

God, I hate voice mail.

That's not my problem.
Where do you want me to put this?

I don't know.
What is sorghum anyway?

It's grain, Sam.
It's used to feed livestock.

Say, if I put it in a bowl,
would those guys eat it?

Are you kidding?

I was late putting down
the beer nuts last night,

Mr. Peterson almost
snapped off my thumb.

Fill 'em up.

Woody, this new trail mix is great.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Could you slide
another bowl down, please?

Hey, you might want to mix

a raw egg in there, Mr. Peterson.
Makes your coat nice and shiny.

What?

Oh, nothing.

Hey, guys,
listen up here for a second.

I want you to meet someone here.

It's your new manager. This is Earl.

- Hey.
- Hey, Earl.

Earl used to play shortstop for the Cubs.

All right! One of us, huh?

You guys from Chicago?

Nah. They're all losers.

Boy, that sounds like a nasty cold
you got there, son,

And still you're out there
delivering the mail?

I got a lot of respect for you guys.

Sammy, give this guy a raise.

Earl, get out from behind there.
Come on, have a seat.

Oh, don't sit me down in a bar.
I'll never get up.

It's either that
or go home to the wife.

And God knows I hate to do that.

Do you have
the other half of this amulet?

Looks like you found
a home here, Earl.

Oh, well, thanks, Sam.

Why don't you find me an apron
and I'll get started here.

Holy moly, the man
handles computers, he tends bar...

Anything you need me for, son.

Whoa, would you catch
a look at that babe?

Where at? Where at?

In the pool room
kind of behind that pole.

Boy, you do have good eyes.

You sure you played for the Cubs?

Well, guys, I hope I do as well
as your last manager.

You're probably going to want
to set your sights a wee bit higher.

Come on, guys, guys, guys.
Rebecca's doing great now.

Our old manager moved on
to bigger and better things.

Nothing can hurt a car
treated with Miracle Buff,

absolutely nothing.

Watch me pour acid on this car
and wipe it right off.

That's right.

Nothing can penetrate
the mirror-like luster of Miracle Buff.

Not even...

...fire.

You people are just
going to have to take my word

for it this time, okay?

Ladies and gentlemen,
I have to take a break now,

but our next demonstration
will be in... one minute?!

- I just get so afraid up there.
- We're afraid for you,

but that's what makes
the auto show so exciting.

Hey, huh?

Is this great, to cut out
from work like this?

Yeah. With Earl at the bar,
you know, we can stay here all day.

Oh, Sam, check it out,
sheepskin covers.

What are you doing, man?
Why are you buying

all this vinyl cleaner,
leather cleaner, I mean, sheepskin?

You don't even have a car.

I know, Sam, but most of my furniture
comes from the interior of cars.

I got to be careful when I shave,

because objects may be
closer than they appear.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the next Miracle Buff demonstration
will commence in ten seconds.

Oh, my God. Look at that.
That's Rebecca.

She's working the auto show!

Wow! She does have a great job.
She's Miss Miracle Buff.

I don't think she'd want us
to see her like this.

Just keep out of sight.

"Miracle Buff, the amazing discovery

that will make your car's finish
last a lifetime.

For safety reasons,

we can't actually simulate
a nuclear blast,

but we have already shown
that acid and fire

are no match for Miracle Buff."

Unlike human skin.

Sam, I don't think
I can keep up this pace.

I'm still dizzy from being
knocked in the face

from that airbag demonstration.

I think I'm going to go over
to the RVS and lie down.

Now you're probably all
saying to yourself,

"Hey, Miss Miracle Buff,
would the same thing apply to..."

...boiling tar?

No way. No, forget it.
You get me some oven mitts.

He won't even give me
any oven mitts.

I am making a lousy
six bucks an hour.

I mean, that will not
even cover the skin grafts.

I'm not doing this anymore.
This is it.

You're not getting paid for this.

Look, buddy. I am carrying
a boiling bucket of tar.

It's okay. It's all right.
It's okay. It's okay.

Oh, Sam. Could this all
be a bad dream?

No, honey. This is the auto show.

My friends.

Thanks to my buddy Earl's
amazing cold remedy,

you are looking
at the picture of perfect health.

Every sinus cavity
in my head is clear and dry...

Well, not dry, but moist enough
to be comfortable.

Glad you're feeling better, Cliff ie.

Ah, thank you.

Did this particular cold,
did this start out

with a funny taste up
in the back of your mouth?

The old acid in the adenoids.

Scratchy throat?

Yucky coating on the tongue?

Sounds like an epidemic.

My friends, I don't want
to be an alarmist,

but tonight, if you live through it,

is going to be the worst night
in your entire lives.

First the cold sweats,
the pounding headache...

Cliff, I don't want to hear this.

Don't worry, Norm. In a few hours,
your ears will be so clogged,

you won't be able to hear anything.

Cliff Clavin, you gave us this cold
and I'm going to get you for it.

You're not going to know when,
but I'll be there.

Oh, Carla, I'll know when.

I'll hear your liquid-filled lungs
wheezing a mile away.

Hey, hey, everybody.

Hey, Earl.

Hey, Norm, do me a favor, will you?

Let me know how this tastes.

It's great. What did you do?

Well, I adjusted
the pressure in the kegs

and then I cleaned out all the lines.

Earl, how do you like
the sound of this?

Mrs. Earl Peterson.

Think about it. Come on.

I don't know why you guys are falling
all over yourselves about this Earl.

So he's a nice guy. Big deal.

Carla, excuse me, I noticed

you've been carrying
your tray a little low.

Are your shoulders tense?

Let me just...
if you don't mind, let me just...

Oh, that is the best
I have ever felt

without ending up with a baby.

It wasn't just the acid, Sam.

It was the fire
and the simulated hailstorm

and the live pigeons.
12 times a day,

I rubbed and I rubbed
and I rubbed and I rubbed.

Come on, Miss Howe, the auto show
couldn't have been that bad.

Woody, I don't have
any fingerprints left!

Sit in here and calm down.

Rebecca was working
at the auto show?

Yeah, she was Miss Miracle Buff.

Don't let the fancy title fool you.

She was pitching snake oil
like a side-show geek.

Woody, what did she do?

As near as I could tell, everything
but bite the head off a live chicken.

Of course, we got there late.

It's an indestructible
space-age polymer, Sam,

and it's in my hair.

Why didn't you come to us?
I mean, come on. The auto show?

Because I was ashamed.

- And I really wanted to find a good job.
- Oh, honey, I know. I know.

It's just that no corporation will hire me
because of my involvement with Robin.

I mean, it was either that
or selling myself on the streets.

All right. So I made the wrong choice.

Listen, whatever, you know.

You got a job here
managing if you want.

- I do?
- Yeah.

Oh, Sam, thank you.
I'll do a great job for you.

A jolly good fellow
For Earl's a jolly good fellow

For Earl's a jolly good fellow

Shoot. I forgot about Earl.

- Who is Earl?
- A jolly good fellow.

Well, I know that, Sam.

He's working here now.
He's a real nice guy.

We all got close to him real fast.
He's like a father figure to all of us.

Are you sure you gave
the auto show a chance?

Sam.

You got the job, you got the job.

Swell. And, you know,
I bet I'll grow to love Earl

just as much
as everybody else does.

So what do you want me to do first?

Fire Earl.

You fired Earl.

Norm! Norm!

Norm. Norm.

Sam, did you send this poor
little lady out here to fire me?

No.

All right. I'd never lie to you, Earl.
Yes, yes, but don't you see,

Rebecca's our friend
and she needs the job.

And I can't afford
to hire both of you.

And I'm sure you can go out
and get a job some place.

Well, of course I can, Sam.
I just wish you'd told me to my face

instead of handling it this way.

I'm a little disappointed in you.

Please don't say that.

I'm more than happy to step aside.
I understand the importance of loyalty.

You know, I've always believed
that the only way to run a business

or a friendship or, hell, a life
is through loyalty

and commitment to other people.

Gee, that's just what my father
always used to say.

Ah, your father was right, missy.

Hey, why don't you pick up
a phone and give him a call.

Well...

So long, everybody.

Bye, Earl!

Well, back to work.

Sammy, that was Earl
that just walked out of here.

- Hey!
- Yeah.

I know, I know that.
But I had to hire Rebecca back.

I mean, she's our friend.

I can't afford both of them,
don't you see?

I mean, I had to go
with a personal decision here.

I'm sorry. I just hope
you can live with it.

Wait, wait, Sam, Sam!
One question...

What?

Is this going to raise
the price of beer?

- No.
- Then what do we care?

Welcome back, Rebecca.

For she's a jolly good fellow

For she's a jolly good fellow...

Shut up! I can't hear Daddy!