Original subtitles

Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience.

Hey, isn't that one of The Righteous Brothers?

Yeah, actually Robin Colcord flew him in to sing to Rebecca earlier.

Wow, which one is he?

I think that's Righteous Brother number two.

No. That's Bill Medley.

Hey, tall, dark, and pipes down to your shorts.

What are you doing back here?

Well, my plane for Reno doesn't leave for three hours.

And I didn't have anywhere to go. So, would you like a drinking buddy?

You bet!

- Hey, guys. - Hey.

So, Bill, can we buy you a beer?

Sure.

All right! Okay!

Let's see.

Everybody pony up six cents.

- Hey, Bill... - Yeah, so, listen...

Hey, Bill, did you ever sing with The Beatles?

Do you have your own... wait.

Whoa.

One at a time.

I hope you don't mind these questions, Bill, but after all, we're paying for that drink.

No, no, no, no.

I love it. Matter of fact, this is what it's all about,

being with the people, and talking about music with the fans.

I mean you guys are real knowledgeable and aware of what's going on.

- There you go. - And I dig it.

Now, what was your question?

Well, Mr. Medley,

how come you changed your name from Righteous?

Hey, Woody.

- Hey Sam. - Is Rebecca here yet?

No she left a message...

"I'll be back later, right now I'm on top of the...

moub?"

What?

No. Woody, it's not an 'M", it's a "W". She's gonna be on top of the "Woub".

Let me see this... there's an "ou" there, you see, Cliff ie?

She's on top of the "Wa-wa-waoud."

It's "Top of the world." Top of the world! The expression is "Top of the world."

No, no. Look at it, Doc. Read that.

Well, I stand corrected.

She is indeed "on top of the woulb."

Poor kid.

What do you mean, Sammy?

After you guys left Little Wally's last night, she went into the ladies' room

to get some burger grease off her blouse or something.

Guess who pulls up?

Robin Colcord with another woman.

- Oh, come on. - That figures.

No sooner does squire Colcord put an end to Rebecca's celebrated four years of celibacy,

then he's off baling hay with some other wench the very next night.

The man is absolutely nothing more than a rich, spoiled, narcissistic philanderer.

I hate myself for envying him so.

Well, if Rebecca's still riding high,

I guess she doesn't know about Robin's other babe.

How'd she miss spotting him at Little Wally's?

Oh, come on, Carla. You know how that place is.

You can't see your hand in front of your face, what with the vapors coming off

Wally's food and off of Wally himself.

So, how'd you handle it, Sammy?

You know me, Daddy Cool.

I figured, if she came out of the bathroom, she'd see him, so I jumped in.

I think I handled it pretty smoothly.

Fire! Fire!

Come on! I gotta get you out through the window, here.

No, no, no! You two can use the door.

Why can't I use the door?

Are you kidding me!

You go out through that door, with that greasy blouse.

One spark, you'll go up like a roman candle.

Smart idea. Smart idea.

Okay, good.

It's too small! It's too small!

All right, all right. Ah, shoot. Don't panic.

Maybe I can squeeze you through here, you know.

Take off your clothes and rub soap all over your body.

All right. Okay, fine. Plan "B."

Let's get out of here now!

I got it. All right, all right. Put this jacket over your head.

I'll lead you out.

All right, good, Sam, that's good. But what about you?

Take off your blouse. Put it over my head. I don't know.

- Sam! - Come on, quit kidding around!

Careful, flames!

Wow.

Great looks and all that savvy.

Sam, if you had a spigot in the middle of your forehead,

I'd marry you in a second.

Well, I hope that fire didn't do a lot of damage.

I love Little Wally's.

Woody, there was no fire. I just made that part up.

Well she must have looked like a darn fool

with your coat wrapped around her face, running through the restaurant screaming.

No, not at Little Wally's.

Well, you did good work Sammy, fine work.

I don't know, guys. Thank you, but...

the more I think about it the more I wonder if did the right thing.

She should know what that guy is up to before she gets in too deep.

Maybe I should tell her.

No, Sammy, take it from a mailman.

People want to kill the messenger.

Or at least overturn his cart and kick the mail around the hallway.

You know, I agree with Cliff, there's a great deal to be said for discretion.

It's entirely possible Rebecca may grow tired of Robin all on her own,

thus avoid the heartache.

Then on the other hand, as one who was cuckolded by a lover deeply trusted,

the longer led on, the harder the fall.

I'm just not sure that Rebecca can be as strong and forgiving as I was when...

that bitch Diane dumped me.

You know, Sam, I had this cousin, Skeeter, who was in the army

a bunch of years ago.

Well, he never saw any action,

although he did blow off his thumb in a mortar accident.

The big show-off.

Anyway, he was going out with this girl, and she went to the Kiwanis dance

with this other guy, Laird Danielson.

I saw them kissing and hugging behind the propane tanks.

I was pretty much in the same spot you are now.

Whatcha do?

Nothing, I'm waiting to hear what you do.

I'm gonna tell her.

There he is, my hero.

He was probably too modest to tell you all,

but this man rushed me through a burning building

with his coat over my face and then led me out of the fire.

And, I'm telling you the fire was so close that I could feel the flames licking my ears.

It was hot, all right.

Anyway Sam, I just want to thank you again for saving my life.

Listen, I probably should have told you this last night.

Sit down here, will you. This is not going to be very easy to tell you.

How do I start?

- 'Ixnay, Ammysay, the Imeylay" - The what?

Oh, Robin.

My sweet baby.

A budding rose.

I brought it myself because I didn't want you to miss even a moment of its bloom.

Oh, my God. This is so cool.

Oh, Robin, I can hardly wait till we're alone together again tonight.

Oh yes. About tonight, I'm terribly sorry.

An emergency board meeting has been called.

How about a late supper afterwards?

The meeting could last through the night.

I could last till the morning.

Let's say that we put that to the test tomorrow night.

All right, I'll rest up.

Olé.

- Are you okay? - No.

I'm fine. I'm fine.

I'm just going to go put this in water.

Sam, I want to thank you for your discretion last night.

That is if, running alongside a screaming woman with a sack over her head

can be called discretion.

That wasn't a sack, it was my jacket.

Really? Please buy one for me, huh?

At any rate I wanted to thank you.

And as a man of the world, I'm sure you've been in similar circumstances

and know how embarrassing it can be.

It was nice finding an ally in a sticky situation like that.

Ally, nothing. I just didn't want to see Rebecca get hurt.

Nor do I.

So I hope you'll keep up your continued silence

I mean, if the event should ever repeat itself.

"Emergency board meeting."

You got another date tonight, don't you?

Sadly, um...

Yes.

Don't think I want to help you pal.

Sam, you surprise me.

You and I have the same weakness, beautiful women.

I thought perhaps men like us share a common bond.

No, no. We don't share anything together here.

You know, Rebecca's my friend.

You got nerve to think I'm gonna help you cheat on her.

I see, you're taking an ethical stand.

Well let me counter with this.

One phone call from me and you can have your bar back.

Why do you think that you can always buy anything--

The whole bar?

No down payment?

Cheers will be yours, Sam.

Okay, I don't feel very good about this, though.

Yes, well, you can print that on your cocktail napkins.

Well, I'm off for a... strenuous board meeting.

I thought I got all of the thorn out, but it still feels like there's some of it in there.

Sam, you said you had something real important you wanted to tell me?

Yeah.

I think I just made a deal to buy back the bar.

That's wonderful!

Isn't that fun? You get the bar.

I get Robin.

Don't you feel great?

I...

feel...

bad.

You lost that lovin' feelin'

Hi there, welcome to Cheers. We're glad to have you here.

Whoa, that lovin' feelin'

Hi there. You look like a couple in love.

This is a place for love.

Does this place for love have a waitress?

- We've been waiting twenty minutes. - Well, I can take your order.

Oh, might I suggest two hot toddies and a walk hand in hand along the Charles.

To be honest with you, Susan and I haven't been getting along lately.

Give us whatever you're having.

Sammy, I'm telling you, if she doesn't cut out that mushy stuff

she's going to lose "that lovin' feeling' from the neck down.

Oh, come on.

It's not that bad, is it?

Elaine, your break time's over.

I can't believe she's got a harp in here.

Look how great it slices these eggs.

Whoa, oh, oh, ohh

Elaine, Elaine, sweetheart...

I never thought I'd say this to a woman, but please give your fingers a rest, will you.

Would somebody give me a hand with this?

Yeah, I'd be happy to.

I wonder if you knew that the harp here, is the grandfather of modern-day guitar?

Yeah, it seems that the early minstrels were much larger people.

Never mind, I'll lug it myself.

Well, suit yourself.

Yeah, they, uh, had hands the size of small dogs.

Sammy, you got to stop Rebecca.

You got to tell her before this goes any farther.

Yeah, come on Sammy, put us out of our misery, will you.

Yeah, Sammy, come on, she's taken to replacing the beer nuts with these little candy hearts

that say, "Hold Me", "I'm Yours", "Lovey dovey."

Hey. "Free Beer."

Oh, no, Mr. Peterson.

Fool me once.

She's got to be told, now, Sam.

"If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well it were done quickly."

I'm sorry.

Move it, pal!

No, I've thought about it and I'm not going to say anything.

I just, you know, I think I'm doing the right thing here.

I mean, c'mon guys, what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

You know, Sam, you've proven to be a big disappointment to me.

- Oh, c'mon man don't-- - No, no, no.

You know, I always model myself after you.

I mean, not the way you're always hung up on your looks, that's kind of shallow, really.

Not the chasing after women part, because that's kinda silly.

But the other part.

There is no other part.

Yeah there is Sam. There's the part of you that's always looking out for your friends.

I mean, that's the thing that's made you my hero,

and now, leaving Miss Howe on the hook like that...

I may have to go back to my old hero, St. Thomas Aquinas.

Guess what, I found somebody to sublet my apartment.

Why, you're moving?

Well, I can't expect Robin live in my little hovel.

You two are gonna move in together?

Well, you know, it's the logical next step.

You know, everything's been going so well for me.

Man, I love the Nineties.

You've lost that--

Hey, you start singing again, it's going to be a very short decade.

Sweetheart, wait, listen don't...

Don't move out of your apartment, honey.

Uh... I got something I gotta tell... Sit down, here.

What is it?

I know this is the last thing you want to hear.

I sure as hell wish I didn't have to be the one to tell you.

Okay, just go ahead and tell me.

Robin is seeing other women behind your back.

What?

There was no fire last night, sweetheart.

Just Robin and some tall, auburn-haired babe

with legs up to her eyes.

How can you do this to me?

What?

I mean, just because you're jealous,

the first chance you get, you have to try and submarine Robin.

You need help.

Real help, not Frasier.

Listen to me a second, here.

I'm telling you the truth.

I thought that you were my friend.

I am your friend, damn it.

I'll tell you how good a friend I am.

Robin was going to buy this bar back for me if I kept my mouth shut.

Oh, brother!

How low can you sink?

Do you really expect me to believe a stupid story

like that about my sweet baby?

Honey...

The guy doesn't have a board meeting.

He's with that woman right now.

Fine, fine.

I'm just going to prove you wrong.

I'm gonna go over there and I'll wait outside that board meeting.

- No... - Yes, I am.

And then he's gonna come out and I'm gonna see him.

We'll smooch a little bit, and then we'll laugh

about you and your stupid, pitiful lies.

Well, I don't care if she doesn't believe me.

I'll tell you.

You know, I feel good about myself

because I told the truth, and, you know,

when it comes right down to it, I'll be able to live with myself.

Sammy, come here.

Yeah, what?

You could've had the bar back you jackass!

Surprise, darling!

What's going on?

Robin, who is this?

Who am I? Who are you?

Well, I see introductions are in order.

Christine Davi, New York City Ballet. Rebecca Howe, proprietor of Cheers.

Sam was right.

God, why does this always happen to me?

How can somebody as beautiful as I am be such a loser?

Robin, I thought we had something.

You're seeing her, too?

Well, this evening is off to a rollicking start.

Robin, I'm not the kind of person who fools around with just anybody.

Are you saying I am?

Ballerina, why don't you make like a swan and die?

Robin, I need a one-woman man.

And I am a one-woman man.

It's just that I am still looking for the one woman.

But you can both take heart.

I've got it narrowed down to three,

you two and a little charge d'affaires in the French Consulate.

Well, I don't care who you are.

I have my self-respect.

No one treats Christine Davi like this.

I... Christine...

So...

Now I guess it's down to two.

Rebecca, you don't know how lucky I am

to find someone so understanding and compassionate as you are.

Not so fast, Robin.

I have a little self-respect myself.

You're going to have to choose, Robin, right now.

Is it going to be me or your charge d'affaires?

Well, honestly, I...

Don't know.

Fine.

Then promise me you'll think about it a while.

- Hi, Sam. - Hello.

Well, I guess I owe you an apology.

Ah, I'm sorry.

Feeling all right?

Me?

Fine.

Well, did you tell him to take off?

No, Sam.

That would be the easy thing for me to do.

Well, did you let him off the hook?

Did he promise that he wasn't going to see any more women?

No, Sam.

That would be the easy thing for him to do.

Well, what are we left with here?

A deeper understanding of our relationship and, uh...

What we as mature adults are going to do to make it work out.

You bought that?

For your information, Robin wants very much to get married.

He does?

Yes he does. To me or one other woman.

He narrowed it down. That's a nice touch.

Sam.

Come on.

Something worth having is worth fighting for.

Nah, you sold out.

I absolutely did not sell out.

I merely entered a fair contest where the payoff

would satisfy any woman's wildest dreams.

You really believe that?

I believe every single word.

Oh, boy.

What am I going to do?

I feel so cheap and so used.

I think... Oh, God, Sam. I can't do this to myself.

I'm going to have to break it off with Robin.

Well, it's the right thing to do.

Oh, God, why do I feel so miserable?

It's never the right thing unless you do feel miserable.

I know.

I'm just going to tell him it's over.

I'll just say to him, um...

That's it, sweet baby.

I mean, you know, Robin Colcord is not worth me losing my dignity.

Oh, yeah.

Dignity...

Why not?

I've tried everything else in my life.

Rebecca, I knew I'd find you here.

That's fascinating.

Everyone else at the end of the evening goes home.

You people come to this bar.

This is your chance. You give him hell.

I'm going to make him wish he'd never been born.

Robin...

- Mr. Colcord... - Rebecca, I'll be brief.

You were very understanding about that little incident back in my limo,

and I think that kind of understanding should be rewarded.

So, I'd like you to have this. It's a diamond bracelet.

It's not much, really. Though it does come with a security guard.

It's gorgeous.

No.

Robin, you know, I don't love you for your money or your diamonds

or the fact that you can buy my friends bars.

I love you because I think you're a very interesting man and...

- I thought you cared about me. - Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm ashamed of myself for trying to buy your feelings.

I want to tell you that I'm still the same man,

and I still care for you the same as I did before.

Well, by that, do you mean that you...

care for me but still want to see other women?

Exactly.

I'd like to point out that if I'd offered this bracelet to my charge d'affaires,

she would've snatched it up in a blur.

I admire your standards.

You know, this definitely puts you in the lead.

Must go.

Would you care to join me?

I am winning.

I'm winning...

Come... listen, listen to me for a second here.

Come on, you're giving up something very valuable and very important.

You're going to regret this the rest of your life.

You're right.

I will take that bracelet.