All language subtitles for Cheers.S07E14.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Sounds great, Kelly.
I'll see you Saturday. Okay.

Guess what, guys?

- I'm going to my first country club dance.
- Woohoo, all right.

Yeah, I got to check the bus schedule.

You're going out with the boss's daughter
and you're riding on the bus?

Yeah, it's getting to be a real drag too,
especially when we can't sit together.

Maybe I can borrow Sam's car.

Hey, hold up there Woodster.

Lest you forget the ten commandments
of Sam Malone.

There is commandment number three,

"Thou shalt not loan thy car."

I thought that was commandment
number four?

That's "honor thy hair."

I think Sam might make
an exception in my case.

Hey, Sam?

Sam, can I borrow your car?

My car?

I'll be real careful with it.

I'll bring it home early
and I'll wash it the next day.

Well, food for thought.

So, Wood, is he going to
loan you the car?

He didn't come right out and say it,
but I like my chances.

He's in a great mood today.

I wish you luck Woody,
because if Sam does lend you that car,

you are home free. That thing is
a rolling aphrodisiac.

Absolutely, you know,
any female that rides

around with Sam in that car
ends up going straight to bed with him.

I've ridden in that car.

Right.

Well, I didn't go to bed with him.

Right and they always
deny it afterwards.

I hate you guys.

And they always cop that
anti-male attitude.

Yeah.

Oh Sammy, mind if I cut
out for an hour,

I want to catch the
last couple innings

of my kid Ludlow's T-ball game.

Hey, I thought he was the
intellectual of the family.

He's into baseball, huh?

Well, he didn't go willingly.

I had to trick him.

I used the old "going to the library

but running out of gas in front
of the ball park" routine.

Seems kind of drastic,
doesn't it?

Come on, Sam, please I don't want the kid
growing up to be a soft, doughy wimp

wearing an argyle sweater
and smoking a pipe.

Go ahead, take off. Don't worry about Lud.
He'll be fine.

Lud. That's Carla's son
by Bennett Ludlow.

He's a cute little tyke.

Carla bore a son to Bennett Ludlow,

the eminent psychiatrist,
your mentor?

Oh, this is prime dish.

I can't wait to tell the girls
in the sleep disorder lab.

So, Carla, tell, tell.

Have you bedded
any other Rhodes scholars?

No.

But one egghead, long-distance,
phone-in father is enough

for this baby factory.

In spite of the fact that Dr. Ludlow's work
takes him out of the country,

I'm sure he's a marvelous parent.

No.

A good parent
is someone who's there.

There to help them out
with their homework,

there when they wake up in the
middle of the night,

crying their eyes out.

He's there with a bottle of Bactine
when they give themselves a bad tattoo.

Well, I've been there.

I raised eight kids
on a waitress' salary,

and I want you to know
they're all good kids

and not one of them has had a conviction
that stood up on appeal.

I stand corrected, Carla.

Mom, how could you
do that to me?

Luddy. How did you get here?

Did coach drop you off?

Yes.

Oh, then the game ended early?
so how'd you do?

Coach had me on the bench
all afternoon.

What, you mean you didn't
play at all?

Well, they finally put me in

after the kid with
the cast on his leg

and the two fat girls left.

So, what did you do?

I hit the ball,
but they still made fun of me.

Like everybody's just supposed
to know which way to run?

I'm gonna go and
clean up your specs.

Carla's got herself a real
Poindexter there, huh?

Hey, it's sad to say

that kids who aren't accepted by
their peers really never learn

how to get along with people
in the big grown up world.

And why is that Cliff?

'Cause they keep boring everyone and
driving them crazy with long speeches

filled with meaningless statistics?

Yup. Yeah.

63% of them live lives
of quiet desperation.

And how about those
who sit next to them?

I'm Dr. Frasier Crane,
a friend of your father's.

I understand you've had
a rough afternoon.

You must never let the bullies
of this world diminish your inner spirit.

Nor put out the fire of your
competitive nature.

- Sir.
- Yes, son.

You're kneeling on some gum.

Heavens, my new gabardines.

You and gum.

He attracts it like a magnet.

We'll swing by our place and pick up
another pair on our way to the opera.

Which opera are you going to?

Die Meister singer.

Oh, I know that one.

That's where all the master singers
get together in Nuremburg

and have a big contest
to find out who's best.

Oh, yeah. Kind of like Star Search.

Basically.

Frasier.

Frasier, I just had
a delicious idea.

Why don't we buy an extra ticket
and take young Lud to the opera with us?

Oh, wow, great! But I have
to ask my mom.

Mommy, Dr. Crane and his wife
invited me to go to the opera with them.

You don't have to be polite.

Just tell them to bug off.

But, Mom,
I want to go, please.

Carla, may I have
a word with you?

Yeah. Sammy, entertain the kid.

Carla, you'd be doing us all a favor.

Allowing Frasier and me to spend
some time with your son

might help us to formulate a decision

that's been under much
discussion as of late.

You see the two of us are considering
whether or not we wish to reproduce.

You're thinking of having a baby, huh?

So tell me, how long does it take
one of your pods to hatch anyways?

Listen, you want to babysit Lud,
be my guest.

- What's that on your shirt?
- Huh?

Oh!

You're good.

Okay, Luddy, you're going to the opera.

Yay!

Yeah, you're going to love it, kid.

So, you know that Wagner,
he wrote all those pieces

when he was still deaf.

No, that was Beethoven.

I meant blind.

That was Milton.

Well he had warts.

That was you.

Told you not to tell anybody.

Shouldn't they be back by now?
How long can an opera last?

The last one I remember
lasted about eight months.

Yeah, I just hope
everything's all right.

Carla.

Look, I know you love your kids
and everything.

I mean, like your kids.

I mean... I know you have kids,

but I've never seen you
this concerned before.

Well, Lud's special.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I mean, whenever I come
home at night,

he always brings me a pan
of hot water for my feet.

He actually asks me
how my day went.

I don't know if I ever
told anybody this before.

I love him.

Carla, you don't have to be shy about
saying that you love your kids.

Why didn't you just take out an ad
in the Yellow Pages?

Normy, I almost forgot how much
Sam's Corvette girls love to whistle.

I wish I had a nickel for
every time I heard that sound.

The classic slamming of the door.

So, Sam still won't loan
you his car, huh?

No, but I'm starting
to love that man's laugh.

Sammy, come on,
give the kid a break, will you?

Just let him borrow your car.

Please Sam, Kelly is the best
girl I've ever dated,

and she loves Corvettes.

Well, I'll tell you what, Woody.

I'll give her a lift in my car.

No way, Sam. Every girl who goes
for a ride in your Corvette

winds up going to bed with you.
Right, Miss Howe?

Well, now she's just being redundant.

It's okay, Sam. I understand
about the car thing.

I didn't mean to
put you on the spot.

And I want you to know that even
though you won't let me borrow your car,

there's no hard feelings.

And if I ever have a car of my own,
and you want to borrow it, it's yours.

Ah, I know what you're trying to do.

You're trying to guilt me
into giving you my car.

No, I'm not. I wouldn't do that.

You're my best friend.

Oh, man, you're scum.

I mean it, Sam. I love you.

Hey. Fine, here. Take the damn car.

What just happened?

You outsmarted him.

So that's what it feels like.

Mom! Mom! The opera was so great.

All the singing and costumes.

This was the best day of my life.

That's terrific, Lud.

I've never seen him so excited.
Thanks, guys.

Oh, Carla, it was our pleasure.
He's an extraordinary child.

Yes, we had an extensive discussion
on the way back.

About opera, the arts, film.

Oh, Carla, may we take Lud to
the movies tonight?

There's a revival of
Koyaanisqatsi we'd love him to see.

And then we were thinking he
could sleep over.

We could have brunch and
a matinee of Peter and the Wolf.

Gee, I don't know. He's never
stayed away from home before.

He's only six.

Please, Mommy, please.

Oh, heck.

You really want to go that bad,
go, go head.

Have a good time.

Stay as long as you want.
See you when you get back.

Thank you, Carla.
We'll take good care of him, don't worry.

Well, that's that.

I've lost my baby.

Listen Sam, I hope it's okay that
I keep asking you this

but I just want to
make sure one last time

that you haven't changed your
mind about me using your car.

No, Woody.

No, you haven't
changed your mind,

or no, I can't use your car, or
no, it's not okay to ask.

No, get out of my face
before I hurt you.

He's special.

Hey, Carla, still listening to
that opera stuff?

She can't hear you Cliff.
She's got the music blasting in her ear.

You mean she can't hear me if I say

she reminds me
of a those little plastic troll dolls?

Hey, what's the big idea?
I thought you couldn't hear me.

No, but I can see, and you're ugly.

So, you're still cramming all
that High-Q stuff in your head?

Yeah, Sammy, I don't have any choice.

I mean ever since
Dr. Cyclops and Morticia...

...started introducing Lud to
all this culture crap,

it's like I don't have anything
to talk to him about.

So I'm listening to all this music

and I am plowing through
all these books.

Look at this.

Good heavens, man.

History of Modern Art.

Comprehensive Guide
to the World of Opera.

Hollywood Wives.

Yeah. I'm getting into literature too.

I've read this.

Oh, who am I trying to kid?

- I'm just stupid.
- Hey!

You are not stupid.

Oh, how would you know? You're stupid.

If you were really stupid,
you wouldn't know that about me.

Good point.

Greetings, Carla, we just
dropped your son off at home

after a lovely sojourn at
the Museum of Fine Art.

You know that child
is such a love.

He's so bright, inquisitive, creative.

He reminds me of myself
as a child.

Of course, he has more hair.

We were wondering if
we could treat Lud

to dinner this evening.

Come on, guys. You've had him
out every night this week.

Besides, I had a special
family evening planned.

I was going to
cook a big bowl of pasta.

And we were all going to sit around
and watch America's Most Wanted

and see if we could
rat on our neighbors.

Yes, but, you see, Carla,
this is special too.

I just managed to finagle
reservations for Magritte's.

It's the most exclusive
restaurant in all of Boston.

I never heard of it.

Precisely.

Carla, please,
it would mean a lot to the child,

and I think Lud
would enjoy it also.

Oh, all right. Who cares?
More spaghetti for the rest of us.

Hey, Fras?

Why don't you invite Carla
to dinner with you?

Well, now, Sam, uh...

Carla is a fine woman

and a good friend.

Actually, she's neither,
and why would I want to eat with her?

Frasier, dear, I think
we should invite Carla.

I think it would be very, very nice.

Do you know what would be
very, very nice, Lilith?

If you would stop
digging your nails into my palm.

I'm sure I'll choose
to see your point

before you draw blood.

Carla.

Carla, let's say we make it

four at Magritte's tonight, huh?

You buying?

I'm going.

Well, good. We're on then.

We'll call for you at 8:00.

And by the way Carla,

please bear in mind that this is a very...

...posh establishment, hmm?

Need I say more?

Oh, no. I get the picture
loud and clear.

I'll shave my legs.

I hope this table is satisfactory.

Oh, this is wonderful.

You know, the place is just
as I'd heard it was.

It's delightful.

Everything looks absolutely exquisite.

The menu is a delightful
combination of...

...nouvelle and provincial with a nod
toward domestic ingredients.

And get a load of
all this ambiance.

The artwork is stunning.

Yes, well, there's a delightful
example of modern art.

If I might venture a guess,

I would say...

...it's a Schnabel.

It isn't, but, even if it was,

it would be pronounced, "Shnahbel."

Excuse me. It's a little hard to tell
this far from our "tahble."

That's funny, Mom.

Ludlow, please remember,
we're not here to have fun,

we're here to enjoy ourselves.

Now, would it please everyone
if I ordered for the whole table?

It would be delightful.

Thank you. Now, I know that Lilith's
delicate constitution

is not amenable to shallots.

Is there anything else
I should be mindful of?

How considerate
of you to ask Frasier.

Actually, I have a delicate
constitution as well.

No extra-heavy
barbecue sauce.

I'll be repeating
like a howitzer.

Delightful.

This sure beats taking
the bus, doesn't it.

Just you and me
and the open road.

I'm getting kind of tired of driving.

What do you say we park somewhere
and look at the stars for a while?

Oh, that sounds nice, Woody.

Hey, Sam, where's a good place to go neck?

Make a right at the light
and not so fast this time!

Thank you.

Oh, and please tell Paul

that the salad course
was an absolute treasure.

His subtle, yet assertive dressing
was the perfect balance for the arugula.

I concur in spades.

He'll be pleased to hear it.

Well... shall we bouillabaisse?

Now, smell the piquant bouquet.

Taste it on every
part of your tongue

and then let it just dance
down your throat.

Frasier, as usual, your anticipation
is interfering with my enjoyment.

Yeah. Eddie has that problem, too.

Ludlow, you're not eating.

None for me, thanks, Dr. Crane.

He doesn't like fish.

Look, Carla, this is not something

that comes out of your cupboard
in a tin can with a mermaid on it.

This is fruits de mer.

$32 a pop, I think the lad
should give it a try.

Now, Ludlow,

you've been very open-minded
about everything else.

Make him happy. Take a bite.
If you don't like it,

you can spit it out
in your napkin. See?

Carla, we're not here
to make me happy.

We are here to enrich
the lad's experience

Which, if I must say so,
I do believe is my province.

Now Lud, you know we all
have certain things we don't like.

I detested fish when I was a child.

But I kept eating it and finally,
I overcame my aversion.

Likewise.

When I first met Frasier,
I detested him.

Yes, but the point is
you love me now.

And Lud will love bouillabaisse.

Try it.

Okay.

Ew! Fish.

You barely tasted the broth.
Give it a better chance than that.

No. I want a hamburger.

This restaurant does not serve
hamburgers.

Now eat your bouillabaisse.

No! This fishy soup stinks,
and I hate it.

What an imp?

- Luddy?
- What are you doing?

I'm gonna try to get him out
from under there.

No, Carla, that's exactly
what he wants you to do.

One must not play
the game by his rules.

Now, I've taught a seminar or two
on developmental behavior.

And the first rule in these
acting-out situations

is to simply ignore
the offending child.

Just pretend that he doesn't exist.

Eventually he'll get
bored and come out.

So...

What a lovely meal.

Do you know, I heard that the
chef here was a protégé of...

Do you smell something burning?

Yes. that's my shoe.

I heard that
he was a protégé of--

- Your shoe is on fire?
- Yes.

Isn't that painful?

Excruciating.

But I'm not going to give the child
the pleasure of hearing me cry out.

So...

You see, it seems he was educated
in a small village on the Rhine.

He...

Oh Lud.

One hot foot

might be considered a puckish prank,

but if you light that other match,

it is the end of our tutelage.

Is that perfectly clear?

That's it!

That's it! I've had it!

That seventh of an inch of--

Frasier, everyone thinks
you're arguing with your clams.

Is there a problem here?

No, no, course not.

The boy just slipped under the table.
And his mother was about to get him out.

His mother.

Uh, yes. Carla,
could you take care of this?

Gee, I don't know if I could.

I've never taken
a psychology seminar.

Sir, we have a very nice
table in the kitchen.

Please, Carla. Please, please.

Hey, Lud, burger time.

Yay!

Hot foot, huh?
My genes must be in there somewhere.

Let's go, Mommy.

First, apologize to Dr. Crane.

I'm sorry, Dr. Crane.

I guess I shouldn't
have acted this way.

Well, no hard feelings, son.

Let's have dinner again sometime
when you're about...

...in your late 30s.

Goodbye.

Bye.

I was wondering,
do you have frog legs?

Why, yes.

Wear nice pants.
No one will ever notice.

I always wanted to do that.

You're the best mommy
in the world.

Yeah, tell me something I don't know.

You know Lilith, I think we've all
learned something here tonight.

I'm going to try to tell you what it is

before you coat
my blistering feet with butter

and drop me off at
the emergency room.

You see...

This incident has made something
very clear to me.

I believe my initial
instincts were correct.

We shouldn't have children.

I don't think I'd make a good father.
I don't want to be a father.

I'll never be a father.
End of discussion.

Frasier, I'm pregnant.

I'm going to be a daddy?

I'm going to be a daddy!

Oh, Lilith, we must come here more often.