All language subtitles for Cheers.S07E11.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

It's amazing what they're making
for kids nowadays.

What?

Here's an ad for a toy
where you make a monster,

then drop him in a vat of acid,
and boil his skin off his bones.

Boy, oh, boy, Norm,

when we were kids, we had
real toys to play with, remember?

Oh, you're damn straight.

I tell you, I was up in my attic
the other day.

Found my old
Lionel train set.

- Oh, now, there is a toy.
- Yeah.

Remember the hours you spent
sticking those tracks together?

Making the little houses just so

and making sure
those tunnels were all straight.

Yeah. Smelling the electricity
burn off that transformer.

Hey, did you have one
of those electric cattle cars

where the cows come
vibrating down the chute?

I could move 40 head
in 10 minutes, pal.

Go on.
Get out of here.

You get out of here.
I could, too.

Got to get rid of that thing,
though.

It's taking up lots of space.

I'll probably sell it.

Get a good price for it,
I'll bet you.

Yeah. It's a collector's item.

Shoot a little stick?

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm the engineer!

Like hell, you are.
It's my train.

It's my train! Hey!

Sam, give me a double.

A little early
for that, huh, Doc?

Maybe you're right.

Cancel that double.
Make it a single.

Oh, skip it altogether.

On second thought,
make it a single--

Little extra in it.

Frasier, what's your order?

Cup of coffee.

You got troubles?

Well, I've just been invited
to deliver a paper

at the state psychiatric convention
this week,

and I've got a first-class
case of the jitters.

You know, I have a sure-fire way
of keeping yourself calm.

Picture your audience naked.

Oh, thank you, Carla, for that
old chestnut from speech 101.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I got a twist on it.

Picture them naked
and wearing black socks.

Oh, Carla, that's ridiculous.
I can't see that that would...

See? I told you.
It works.

Okay. Now try this angle.

Ha ha ha!

- Now shut up.
- Sorry.

You know, I do see
your point, though.

That could do
just the trick.

- Thank you, Carla.
- Sure.

Oh, here comes
a likely candidate.

Try it out on her.

- Hello, Dr. Crane.
- Miss Howe.

Doesn't work
with everyone.

Miss Howe,
I have a message for you.

"Mr. Sheridan is having
lunch up in Melville's,

and he's gonna be coming down
to talk to you when he's through."

Oh, great. Sheridan.

Another one of the legions
of presidents, vice presidents,

and consultants this corporation

belches forth
every five minutes.

Boy, seems like you
have to be a real loser

not to be at least a vice president
in that company, doesn't it?

I'm sorry.

He is undoubtedly here
to ask me some humiliating,

menial favor that he
couldn't palm off

on some other flunkey.

You know, today, I draw the line.

Today, this gal
is going to shoot down

her first corporate bigwig.

Oh, please.

The first time you try
to stand up to this guy,

you're going to crumble
like a bag of potato chips.

- Oh, yeah, Mr. Smart Guy?
- Yeah.

- Watch me.
- I'm watching you.

Oh, Miss Howe.

Mr. Sheridan.

I'd like to ask you a favor.

I see.

I'm going to New York
on a business trip for a few days,

and I'd like you to take care
of my dog while I'm away.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Sheridan,

but I have plans
for the entire week,

and I could not possibly break them.

I hope you understand.

That's fine. I realize
this is short notice.

Thanks anyway.

My plans
could be changed!

Please, sir, let me
do this for you.

Well, if it you don't
think it would be any trouble,

- thank you, Miss Howe.
- Oh, no, sir.

Thank you for the opportunity
of knowing your dog.

God, I make myself sick.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

What'll it be, Dr. Crane?

The usual.

What's so funny?

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

What's so funny?

Ha ha!
It's a private joke, Sam.

Hey there, Rebecca.

How do you like living
with Sheridan's pooch?

Sir Broundwin the Gallant
from Fairhaven Manor,

better known
as Buster, is fine.

I, on the other hand,
am a nervous wreck.

What's the matter,
Rebecca?

I knew I was going to have
to take care of the dog,

but I didn't know
it was going to be

in a place that was huge
and kind of like a mausoleum,

and it's stuck way out
in the middle of the moors.

There are no moors
in Massachusetts.

I think they had them
flown in or something.

The point is, this place
is big and scary,

and I really hate it.

Oh, and to make matters even worse,
last night,

the only thing
I could get on television

was this movie about this
young, beautiful,

dark-haired woman

that was all alone
in this deserted house.

What about where that
guy cuts her head off?

Woody, please.

There's no way her head
is going to come off

in one clean cut like that.

Believe me, I've seen
my uncle butcher hogs,

and you have to hack
and hack and hack...

And when the gardener got it--

Woody, that's enough.

Oh, right. Don't spoil the ending
for everybody else,

but when you see it,
take my advice

and turn away when you hear
rmmm-rmmm-rmmm.

- Woody!
- rmmm-rmmm-rmmm.

Woody, I am just
a tiny bit on edge.

Oh. sorry, Miss Howe.

Damn it, Woody!

Some bar manager--
afraid of a blender.

Let me see here.

Rebecca Howe,
all alone and scared

in a big old house.

Sounds to me like a job
for Sammy's Security Company.

We get in
before the burglars do.

That's what
I like about you, Sam.

Your pants
are always thinking.

Frasier, darling.

Hello there,
Peanut Butter Cup.

You know, you're late for lunch.

Yes. I know.
I'm sorry.

I'm sure you have
a very good excuse.

Well, actually I do.

I started having lunch
in another restaurant,

then remembered
we had a date.

Well, would you like
to watch me eat?

I wouldn't miss it.

Ha ha ha!

What's so funny?

It's nothing, really,

It's just this relaxation exercise
I've been doing.

I've been imagining people naked
and wearing black socks, you see,

to relieve my anxiety
over my speech.

Frankly, it's worked miracles.
I've been doing it all week.

- Haven't even thought about it once.
- When do you present that?

My God.

Buster, did you hear that?

Calm down.

It probably
wasn't anything.

It was probably just a tree
branch against the window...

Or Leatherface.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God, Buster,
he's at the front door.

Good dog.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Aah!

How in the hell
did you get in here?

You left the back door open.

I just followed some guy
carrying a meat hook.

That is real funny, Sam.

You almost gave me
a heart attack.

I'm sorry. It's all right.
I'm here now.

It wasn't funny.
I'm sorry.

I have to admit,
I'm glad you are here.

When the lights went out
and the storm came,

I started getting
scared to death.

What happened to that
$10,000 champion watchdog?

He's hiding
in the kitchen.

Oh, God,
I can't seem to calm down!

My heart is just
beating so fast!

Oh, yes, it is.

Sam, get your hand
away from that.

I was doing pretty good
till the lights went out.

Then this house really
started giving me the creeps.

Oh. Well, hey, don't worry.

I got some candles here.

- You brought your own candles?
- Well, yeah.

This kind of thing happens
in big old spooky houses a lot.

I like to be prepared.

Sammy carries
whatever he needs.

Sam, did you come out here

because you were
concerned I was scared,

or did you come out here
to get me in the sack?

Hey, I came out here
because I was concerned

and scared that I'd never
get you in the sack.

Kidding. I'm kidding.
My goodness.

You know, Sam,
I really am glad you're here.

It makes me feel
a lot better,

but a man and a woman
can be together

in an evening without ending up
rolling on the floor.

I know that's true
of some people,

but, sweetheart,
we're good-looking.

- Sam...
- What?

Sit down here a minute.
I want to tell you something.

Okay.

Now, believe this or not,

even good-looking people

can spend an evening together
without having sex.

Have you ever
heard of conversation?

Yeah, I've heard
of conversation.

Contrary to what
a lot of people think,

I'm not that dumb.

Here. Come on. Try me.

Sit down.
Let's conversate.

Okay. So what do you
want to talk about?

Sex.

Sex is obviously
the only thing on your mind.

So forget it.
I'm going to bed.

Oh, that's good with me.

I am going to bed alone.

If you want to stay here,
you sleep on the couch.

Come on. I can sleep on
a couch at my place.

Fine. Go sleep on your couch.

All right,
if that's what you want.

I'll leave you all alone
in this big old scary house.

I'm moving the table.

Don't pull a muscle.

I'm serious.
I'm moving the chair.

You're breaking
my heart.

I got my hand
on the doorknob.

I'm opening the door.

Sam, don't!

I knew it. Pajama time.

Not you. The dog!

- What?
- Buster! Buster!

Whew!
Boy, can that sucker haul.

He's gone.

Well, hey, don't
worry about it.

He's a hardy breed.

Speaking of breeding,
let's--

Are you crazy?

That is a champion dog,
and I'm responsible for him.

If it takes all night,
I'm gonna find that mutt.

- No. Don't--jeez.
- Buster!

Oh, hell.

Oh, might as well turn
the electricity back on.

So, please, if you find him,
you've got this number.

Okay. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Please, please, please
let it be somebody that found him...

Did anybody find the dog?

Listen, little lady.

We're not looking for Aunt Fanny's
amethyst pendant here.

This is a highly organized
search party.

We're going to conduct
this debriefing by the numbers.

All right. Alpha sector, report.

Negative.

Bravo sector.
Negative.

- Charlie sector.
- Shut up, Cliff.

Hello.
Yes, Mr. Sheridan?

You know, Norm,
I can't get over this place.

I think I'll do something like this
with my living room.

What are you
talking about?

You live in 28 square feet,

and your bed folds
out of a couch.

You're going to what?

All right, sir.
Bye-bye.

Oh, God, he came home early.
He's on his way home from the airport.

All right, men.

I suggest we fall back

to our original positions.

What are you talking about?

To the bar!
Back to the bar!

Yes, sir!
Right away, sir!

Well, I guess I deserve this.

I'm always doing stupid favors
for everybody.

Guess it finally
caught up with me.

No, no.
Don't do that, please.

I hate it when you cry.

All right. All right.
Look. Wait, wait, wait.

Come on. Listen.

I'll tell Sheridan
it was all my fault, all right?

Fine. Wait up, guys!

That's great. Really nice.

- Oh, God!
- What is it?

A car. It's Sheridan.
We're doomed.

Woody!
You found him!

Oh, God! I don't know
who to kiss first.

I just had a breath mint.

Hey, man.
Way to go.

Where did you
find him?

At an auto wrecking yard.

What were you doing there?

Just browsing.

Oh, Buster, Buster.
Good old Buster.

Oh, no. That's not Buster.
That's Satan.

- What?
- Who?

I was brushing the snow
off of the hubcaps,

and I saw Satan here
chewing through a tire,

and I thought, "he looks just
like that picture of Buster."

So I borrowed him

in case we don't find
the other dog.

Woody, take him
to the kitchen.

I only hope we can
fool Sheridan

with this fleabag.

He's no fleabag,
Miss Howe.

He's a trained attack dog.

Come on, sweetheart.

An attack dog? He brings
an attack dog into this house?

Come on. His heart's
in the right place.

Hello.

Oh, God!
You found him?

Oh, that's wonderful!

Yeah. Give me your address.

Okay, I'll come
and get him right now.

A neighbor at the end
of the road found him.

Here's the address.
You go get him.

I'm on my way.

Woody, bring Satan out here,
please.

Woody, we found Buster.

You can take Satan
back to the junkyard.

Miss Howe, he hadn't finished
his snack yet.

I gave him something
out of the refrigerator.

Actually, he opened the door
and took it,

but I got out of the way.

Woody, whatever.
Just take him out of here.

Go, go. Hurry.
Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Sheridan is here.
He just drove up.

Woody, cancel that.

Sam, you go around back way
and get Buster, all right?

Woody, you take Satan into the kitchen
and get him some kibble.

We hope that Sam gets back in time
with Buster so we don't have to use him,

but if he doesn't,
get back in time with Buster,

then we have to convince Sheridan
that Satan is Buster until Sam gets back

and we can switch
Buster for Satan,

or I can just put
steak sauce on my throat

and let Satan chow down.

I understand everything
perfectly, Miss Howe.

Come on, Sam.
Let's get your kibble.

I was just kidding,
Miss Howe.

I'm back.

Where's my big boy?

Where's my Buster?

What, no hello?
No description of the trip?

No slides?

I finished early,
so I caught a late flight.

Here, boy!
Where are you, boy?

- Here, Buster!
- He is...

- He's sleeping in the kitchen.
- That's right.

Miss Howe, who's this man?

This man? He's Woody.

He's my boyfriend.

Wow, Miss Howe.

Your boyfriend
calls you Miss Howe?

I was his teacher.

I got real lonely, and I thought

I'd call him over here
for company.

I hope you don't mind.

No, of course not.
Listen. I'm very tired.

I just want to say hi
to my dog and then go to bed.

So, if you don't mind...

You want us
to leave?

He wants us to leave, Woody.

Great! How about
a burger and a movie?

Then we can go someplace
and park.

Later!

First, I'd like to stand here

and have a little chat
with Mr. Sheridan about his trip.

Not now.
I want to see Buster.

No! Mr. Sheridan!
Yes, Miss Howe.

Come on, Buster!
Let's wrestle.

Woody, we can't
let him do this.

Don't worry, Miss Howe.

He won't attack unless
he hears the command word, "Cochise."

Cochise?

Well, he's never going to say that.

Or unless he provokes him.

Take that,
big boy.

I got your tail.
I got your tail!

Hey, it worked.
He thinks that's his dog.

You're right.
If he lives, we fooled him.

Sammy to the rescue.

- Sam, get that mutt out of here!
- What?

Sheridan's in the kitchen
with Satan.

This is no time
for folk singing.

Oh! oh! oh!
What are we going to do?

All right.
Go out the front.

Sneak around the back.

I'll try to divert
Sheridan's attention

while you make
the switch,

but remember,
they look exactly alike.

All right.
Come on, boy. Come on.

Boy, Buster is frisky.

I was playing
"get my thumb,"

and he was practically
bouncing off the ceiling.

Well, I bet he was just
so glad to have you back.

Yeah. Well, I'm going to feed him now,
Miss Howe.

No. I already fed him.

We ordered out.
Chinese.

That sounds like
two dogs in there.

Mr. Sheridan,
there's something

I've been wanting
to ask you.

Is this a bowling trophy?

No, it's my...
late wife's ashes.

Well, she was
a good-sized woman.

Excuse me.
I want to see to Buster.

Mission accomplished.

I made the switch.
Satan is in the car.

Oh, good.

Well, there was
only Buster in there.

Good!
Well, I'll be going. Bye-bye.

- Good night.
- Miss Howe!

Who's that man?

I'm her boyfriend.

That's right!
He's my boyfriend.

Miss Howe, we have to talk.

Look at him.

You're not so tough when
you're not running loose, are you?

Ha ha ha!
bbll-bll-bll-bll.

I wouldn't do that,
if I were you, Cliff.

If you look
very closely,

you'll see he has several
tiny little mail bags

notched on his leash.

Yeah. Oh, yeah,
I'm real scared, Norm.

Heh. Look at me shake.
bbll-bll-bll-bll.

Woody, I thought you
were going to return

the hound from hell.

Oh, the guy is coming
for him tomorrow,

unless, of course,
you'd like to reconsider

and keep him as our mascot.

That's exactly what
this bar needs--

A loaded weapon
that goes off

when you say the word
C-O-C-H-l-S-E.

Great! I spelled it right.

- Greetings, all.
- Hey, Doc.

Well, there's a sturdy fellow.

Hello, boy.
How are you?

What's this?

"Don't say cochise
to this dog."

Woody, he didn't attack.

No. He didn't.

Maybe he didn't hear
the attack word.

Frasier...

Cochise!

Cochise.
Cochise, cochise!

This is Buster!

I thought you were
going to make the switch.

I did, but they were
tearing at each other,

and it got confusing.

I was trying
to separate them

and protect my goodies
at the same time.

Hey, if this isn't Satan,
then Satan is--

Chewing the spleen
out of Mr. Sheridan.

All right.
Sam, hand me the phone.

Woody, come around here
and untie Buster.

I've got to call Mr. Sheridan
and warn him.

We've got to make
another switch.

Hello.
This is Rebecca Howe.

Yes. I need to speak
to Mr. Sheridan, please.

I don't care
if he's asleep!

Wake him up.
this is an emergency.

Well, all right.
Would you--

Please just go upstairs
and tell the man

not to say the word "cochise"
around his dog.

Wait... I just remembered.

The attack word
isn't "cochise."

It's that other Indian name.

Oh, Woody,
what other Indian name?

There are a million other
Indian names, my friend.

There's Crazy Horse, Sitting Bull,

Pocahontas, Geronimo--

That's it!

Go on! Go on!

Hey, he's got Mr. Clavin
trapped in the men's room.

That's okay. We can use
the one up at Melville's.

Oh, hey, it's okay.

I got the number
of that guy

from the auto
wrecking yard.

I can call him and get
the counter-command.

I'll do it.

Oh, hello,
Mr. Sheridan.

Sorry, I have
the wrong number.

Hello. Hey, I'm calling
for Woody.

We need the counter-command
for Satan.

Get outta here,
you beast from hell!

Okay, thanks.

Did you get it?
yeah.

Well, what is it?

Oh, go on!

Good night, everyone!

Good night, everyone!
Satan!

Good night, everyone!

Doesn't work!