All language subtitles for Cheers.S07E10.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Oh, hi, Dr. Sternin.
Dr. Crane isn't here.

I know. He's at home,
and that's why I'm not.

Trouble in Casa de Wacko?

Not really.
Scotch, Woody.

I'm just not looking forward
to going home.

Frasier's giving me
every indication

that he expects me
to indulge in another one

of his silly little fantasies tonight,

but it's really rather personal.

I know just what you mean.

Husbands can drive you nuts
about stuff like that.

Take my Eddie.

He borrowed
this fairy princess costume

from the ice show.

Really, every Friday night
I have to dress up

and put a magic
sex spell on him.

Well, as long as we're sharing,

here's what I have
waiting for me.

Every so often,
Frasier likes to regress

to his childhood.

First, he insists
on calling me Mommy.

I fix him cinnamon toast
and strawberry milk.

Then it's bath time,
one of my favorites.

Followed by
my tucking him into bed

and singing
"All The Pretty Little Horses."

After that, we make love
until the windows rattle.

Men. They're really something,
aren't they?

Oh, by the way,

about all that
fairy princess stuff,

I was just kidding.

So was I.

Oh, right, Mommy.

Hey, guys,
get a load of this!

Oh, Carla! Carla!

Afternoon, everybody.

- Norm!
- Norm!

Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one
waiting for you.

I know. if she calls
I'm not here.

You're just the man
I want to see here.

Listen, I want you to taste
this Bloody Mary for me.

No, please, Sammy,
Not again.

We did this all day yesterday.

We're gonna do it all day today
until we get this right.

Now listen up, everybody.
I'm not losing the Bloody Mary contest

To Gary's Olde Towne Tavern
again.

Now, please. I got Rebecca out there,
I got Carla out there.

They all got their little jobs.

The least you can do
is taste this for me.

- All right. All right.
- There you go.

Huh?
What do you think?

- Not bad, Sammy.
- Yeah?

Yeah. I mean,
it's a little thick, but...

All in all, I'd have to say--

Okay. I get the point, man.
That's very funny.

No, no.
Actually, I rather liked that one.

Hey, hey, whoa, whoa.

Would you guys stop
horsing around here? I'm serious.

I want this guy Gary,
and I want him bad.

I'm tired of having him do
everything better than we do.

He's got a better softball team,
a better tag football team.

Better T-shirts.

They have T-shirts?

Here. I'll show you.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I've got that one in red.

They have 'em in red now?

But you gotta pre-order.
They're 100% cotton.

All the sizes are very true.

I'll phone 'em this afternoon.

Listen, you guys are not
taking me seriously.

I mean it. I want to hurt
this guy where he lives.

Speaking of that,
have you seen his house?

He's renovating this
beautiful old Victorian.

- It's on the cover of Boston magazine.
- I saw that.

I hear he's coming out
with a new T-shirt of it, too.

You guys aren't helping me.

Sammy, I'm back.

What took you so long?

I just spent the last two hours

wandering through the streets
of Chinatown,

thanks to your brilliant directions.

Why? What?

"Look for a shop with a dead duck
hanging in the window."

I defy you to find
a shop in Chinatown

without a dead duck
in the window.

Anyway...

I got it.

You are looking at the last ounce
of black cardamom

on the Eastern seaboard.

Ooh.

Sammy,
let's see that stuff.

Sammy, you really think that stuff's
gonna help us win the contest?

Are you kidding me?
Wait till you see what this does

to the taste of a Bloody Mary.

Ooh, boy.
This is pretty pungent stuff, huh?

Oh, my God, my allergy.

Did someone bring some
black cardamom in here?

- Woody! It's all gone!
- That's great.

There goes the contest.

Well big deal.
In about 20 minutes,

I'm gonna swell up
like a blowfish.

What are we supposed to do now?

Usually I pack my face
in ice.

Sam, guess what I've got
under my coat.

If I guess right,
can I keep them?

No, you idiot.

I've got some of Gary's
top-secret Bloody Mary mix.

Hey, way to go, Rebecca!

Baby, how did you get it?

How do you think I got it?

You did that dorky twirl,

and when he laughed,
you grabbed it and ran.

Okay, fine. Forget it.
I'm not gonna tell you.

Oh, Come on. We won't
make fun of you.

All right.

That thing Carla said.

Well, I'm the one that got it.

Well, no, it's good.
It's good.

Now I'm going to take it

to the company
pharmaceutical division

and have it analyzed to find out
Gary's secret ingredient.

No, no need to do that,
Rebecca.

Sammy, pour me a shot
of that concoction.

I'll tell you
exactly what's in it.

I got very sensitive
taste buds.

Matter of fact,
in medieval times,

Clavins were
the royal tasters.

I heard they were
a royal something.

I don't know what's in it,

but Gary makes the best
Bloody Mary I've ever tasted.

All right, Sammy, set me up
with a shot of that.

Hey, you guys, don't drink it all.
I have to take some to the lab.

This is great.

Gary deserves to win
this contest every year.

It's almost worth
cramming myself into this dress.

I'd dress up as a hooker
to get some of this stuff.

Oh, come on, you guys.
It can't be that special.

I suppose you're gonna tell me

that Cheers never made
a Bloody Mary this good?

Sammy, Cheers never made
anything this good.

Wonder what's in it.

Well, we know there's
black cardamom in it.

Damn it, Woody!

Ah, Cheers...

Where good times
go to die.

Well, well, well,
if it isn't Gary

from Gary's
Olde Towne Tavern.

Look, pal, didn't I tell you
if you stuck one more foot in here,

you'd have me to answer to?

Yeah, and I told you
if you got in my way,

you'd wind up
in the next zip code.

Then we have had
this discussion, huh?

Listen, I brought a little present
to my friends at Cheers.

Yeah? What's that, Gary?

Towels for you to cry into

after I win
the Bloody Mary contest.

Know what I'd like to do
with that towel?

I'd like to shove that
up your nose,

pull it out your mouth
a couple times,

and buff up your sinuses
for you.

- Oh, as if you could.
- Oh, I could.

- You could not.
- Could, too.

- Could not!
- Could, too.

- Could not!
- Could, too!

All right, Sammy!

See me slip that
"could, too" in there?

You won that one,
Malone.

That's the last thing
you're gonna win.

Hey, big shot, we won this contest
the first two years they had it.

Since I opened,
I've won the last four.

All that proves is you've won it
twice as much as we have.

How'd you like that, Sam?

Let me handle this,
Woody.

Just get going.
Get out of here, would you?

Is this the thanks I get

For my heartfelt gift?

No.

This is.

Oh, that's nice.

I see you're still hiring the cool
Grace Kelly-type for waitresses.

Choke on it.

Okay, okay, I'm going back
to the Olde Towne Tavern,

where my exclusive
satellite coverage

of the World Welterweight
title fight

is about to get underway.

Hey. hey, wait.

Hey, whoa.
Come on.

Where the hell
do you think you're going?

Just taking a little stroll.

Ah, that was refreshing,
wasn't it?

Hey, Doc.
What's going on?

For one thing,
I find myself batching it again.

Lilith finally blow
her brains out?

No, but thank you
for asking after her, Carla.

Where is the lovely
Dr. Sternin?

She's in Albany
for a few days

Attending a conference
on gender stereotyping.

Gender stereotyping?

Yes. It's unfairly attributing
certain modes of behavior

exclusively to one sex.

Sounds kind of boring.
Why did she go to that?

Who knows?

You know women.

I can't tell you
how honored we are

that you've chosen our bar

as the site of
the Bloody Mary contest.

We were going to hold it
at Gary's Olde Towne Tavern,

but they're just so
darn crowded in there.

Well, you know you'll never
have that problem here.

Well, I better be going.

I have to drop off a set of rules
at Gary's Tavern.

- So long.
- Bye.

What? Hey,
that's Gary on the TV.

We hid a secret camera

in a competitor's establishment.

Let's hear what
they have to say

about Gary's Bloody Marys.

I don't know what's in that,

but Gary makes the best
Bloody Mary I've ever tasted.

Really?

Gary deserves to win
this contest every year.

Thank you very much.

And, you'd be surprised
what some people would do

to get a hold of
my Bloody Mary mix.

I'd dress up like a hooker
to get some of this stuff.

But you can get
a pretty good Bloody Mary

just about anywhere in town,
isn't that right?

Cheers never made
a Bloody Mary this good.

If you say so,
Sam Malone of Cheers.

Anybody know
the way to Gary's?

I'll give you a lift.

I can't believe
that weasel filmed us.

Oh, that stunt tears it.
Now I'm mad.

- Yeah, I can tell.
- How?

That little vein
bulging in my forehead?

No.

My nostrils flaring?

- No.
- My jaw's clenched?

- No.
- Well, then how can you tell?

You just said, "Now I'm mad."

Yeah, well,
now I'm really mad.

Yeah, I can tell.

I tell you something.
This is war. This is total war.

No prisoners. No truce.
No amnesty. No nothing.

Only one of us is gonna
walk out of there standing.

What are you gonna do, Sam?

If we want to really
mess him up,

we're gonna have to
infiltrate his bar.

- Yeah.
- Let me do it, Sam.

Please, let me do it.

I've taken a lot of makeup classes.
I can put on a disguise

And get in there without
anyone knowing about it.

Woody, I don't think so.

Come on, let me do it.
I feel responsible.

I'm the one who blew away
the spice. I'm the one who broke the jar.

I'm the one who broke the door
in the men's room...

What?

At the bus station
downtown.

Come on, let me
make it up to you.

Woody, you don't know
what you're getting yourself into.

I mean, those guys
at Gary's are vicious.

They could
strip you naked,

paint you red,
and put you on a subway.

They wouldn't do that.

They did it to me,

but I got the best
of them.

- How's that?
- I loved it.

Wait a minute.

Hey, come here,
Woody, Woody, Woody.

I got a plan.
Listen up.

Shh! Gary had a camera
in here the other day.

He could have a
spy in here now.

And the whole place
could be bugged.

Come on, you guys.

Don't take off
in a clump like that.

It will look suspicious.

Everybody, split up.
We'll hook up outside.

No, no!
You're clumping up again.

Spread out!

No, you're clumping up again.

Cliff ie, you got the time, pal?

Right. Time check.

2200 Zulu.

Agent Hoosier
is overdue.

Abort Operation Red Dawn.

Cliff, what in God's name
are you talking about?

Spy lingo, Norm.

Woody's not back
from Gary's yet.

It's time to mobilize our forces.
Let's go.

I'm just the man for it.

I actually considered a career
as a spy when I was young,

but in the end, I decided
not to go into intelligence.

That seems only fair.

None of it went into you.

Hey, guys, what's the big rush here?
Give him a chance.

He's only about
five minutes late.

Actually I think we might
be underestimating Woody.

Something tells me
he might actually pull this thing off.

Hey! Hey!

Wait, there's a note.

What does it say?

"Compliments of Gary's.
We deliver."

What?

What are you trying
to say?

He's trying
to say something.

- What are you trying to say?
- Don't rip off the tape!

Aah!

That's it, cornmeal,
you blew it.

I'm telling you,
I was doing fine.

I borrowed this great costume
from my theater group.

I really looked
like a nun.

I went in there--

You dressed up as a nun
and went into a bar?

It was either that
or one of the Von Trapp children.

This is the stupidest thing
I have ever heard of.

Hey, I don't see
anybody else

volunteering to go over there
and get roughed up

and hung by their heels.
I did it 'cause I was trying to help.

Okay, you were trying to help.

Why did you have to be
so stupid about it?

That's another thing.

I'm sick and tired
of hearing that word.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

If I hear that word
one more time,

I'm walking out of here
and never coming back.

Come on, man,
that's stupid.

That's it.
I quit.

No, I'm serious.
I've had it with this place.

I'm not appreciated
here anymore.

Woody, come on, man.
That's not true.

Leave me alone!

Well, look who's back.
Sister Mary Woody.

I'm looking for a job.

Oh, right.
I heard you quit Cheers.

I'm never going back
into Cheers again,

except to get my last check

and the only key
to my apartment.

Where did you stay
last night?

I just walked around
down to the commons,

over the river,

across the river
to Cambridge,

back over the river,

took a right
at the prudential building,

stopped at a news stand,

thought about buying a paper.
Didn't.

Okay, okay, okay.

I get it.

So, you're coming to me
for a job?

I don't owe Cheers diddly.

Well, you're a darn good barkeep,

and I could use
an extra hand.

There's always an upsurge
of business every year

after I win
the Bloody Mary contest.

Why not?
Grab an apron in the back.

Aw, gee, you won't regret this.

Wait till I tell my mom
I'm working for that weasel Gary.

Are you crazy?
He's the enemy.

No, I think he's okay.

I was in Cheers
when he quit.

It was real ugly.

I don't know.
You think we can trust him?

- Gary!
- Yeah?

I found a nickel
in the pocket of this apron.

You know who it belongs to,
or should I put up a flyer?

I think we can trust him.

- Afternoon, everybody.
- Hey, hey, Gary!

Well, this is it.

The day of the big contest.

- Hey, Woody, come here.
- Yes, sir.

Woody, I'm going
to be honest with you.

I had my doubts about you,
having worked at Cheers and all,

but after the way you've
worked out here this last week,

- you're really one of us now.
- Thank you.

- By the way, here.
- What is it?

Came for you a few days ago.
I forgot to give it to you.

"This is to inform you
that the contest

has been moved up
two hours to 12:00 noon."

You forgot
to give this to me?

Is it important?

Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Damn it, boy,

you and Malone
set me up.

You knew about this
time change two days ago.

Well, don't just stand there
like a bump on a log. Say something.

Gotcha, Gar.

That means the contest
started five minutes ago.

Gee, boss, I don't think
you're gonna make it.

I think
you're going to lose.

I think you're going to fall
flat on your face.

I think...

I'm going to be hanging
upside-down again.

Get him!
Come on, get him!

Well I wish I could give
all of you an award,

but there can only
be one winner.

Surprise, Malone.
I made it.

No, he's disqualified.
He's late.

I didn't get the message
about the time change.

They tried to keep me away,
but it didn't work.

That's a lie,
and you should be disqualified

for making a slanderous remark

and for wearing that shirt
with those pants.

There's still time
for another entry.

All right!

Here.

Try a real Bloody Mary.

Hands down the winner.

- All right!
- All right!

Olde Towne Tavern!
Olde Towne Tavern!

Olde Towne Tavern!
Olde Towne Tavern!

Old Towne Tavern!
Hey, hey, Sam!

Here's a little bit
of advice for you.

Give up while you got
a shred of dignity left.

Oops! Too late!

All clear?

- All clear.
- Yahoo!

Oh, my man, Woody!

Whew! That's good, man.
Take that makeup off.

Now, just a minute.
That's Woody? My God.

This is amazing makeup.
This is just incredible.

This was part of some
elaborate ruse, huh?

Yeah, we set the whole thing up.

Yeah, that way we can get
Gary out of here

before the real contest starts.

And when you made such
a fool of yourself

- pretending to be a nun...
- That was part of the plan.

- When you went to work for Gary?
- Part of the plan.

When you told Gary
the time of the contest had changed?

All part of the plan.

Hey, guys,

I'm ready
for the real contest.

Not part of the plan.

And the winner of Boston's
annual Bloody Mary contest is...

Gary's Olde Towne Tavern.

Yay!

Where have I heard
that before?

You know, Sam,

it was a stroke of genius

having little Abner there
playing the judge.

I gotta admit I fell for it

until I got within
about 20 feet.

Yeah, very funny. We're going
to get you next year, Gary,

and it's not gonna
be very pretty.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Don't try to outfox me
because you can't.

Every time you think
you got me fooled,

I'm one step ahead of you.

But I gotta admit,
this time you came...

...that close. Ha ha!

Very funny. Very funny.

I can't believe
he did it again.

Forty-five... fifty.

Carla, what are you doing?

You usually pay off a judge
after you win a contest.

If the contest that had just happened
were the real contest,

which it wasn't,

and if this guy were the real judge,
which he's not.

- Did you follow any of that?
- This is my next-door neighbor.

The real judge is some old lady
from Cambridge.

Thanks for
helping out, Larry.

Any time, Carla.

Wait a minute. if this
wasn't the real contest,

when is the real contest?

In about
half an hour.

Are you telling me
we still have a chance

- to win this?
- We sure do!

Carla! Carla!

Carla! Carla!

Carla! Carla!

Carla! Carla!

Carla, how long
have you had this planned?

Since about a minute
after we lost last year's contest.

This is unbelievable!

What, that I could
come up a great plan?

No. That you paid this guy
money out of your own pocket.

Get real.

I lifted Gary's wallet
when he was leaving the bar.

Thank God
you are on our side.

And from here on in,
whether we win or lose,

what's really important
to remember--

And I'm saying this in the spirit
of true sportsmen everywhere is--

Gary won't win!

- Yeah!
- Gary won't win!

Gary won't win!
Gary won't win!

Hey, guys,
I am on to you.

Oh, man, I give up.

Now hand over my wallet.

Your what?

Come on, somebody
took my wallet.

Yeah, someone
handed it in.

You must have dropped it
when you were leaving the bar.

Yeah, yeah. Thanks.

So long, chumps.

Gary won't win.
Gary won't win.

Gary won't win.