All language subtitles for Cheers.S07E05.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Woody, I have a lot
of work to do here.

So please make sure
I'm not disturbed.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes?

Miss Howe?

You want me to hold
business and personal calls?

Yes.

You got it.

Yes?

Miss Howe?

What if it's an emergency
or something only you can handle?

Woody, I'm turning the bar over to you.
I have complete confidence.

Yes?

Miss Howe?

I want you to know how much I appreciate
your confidence In me.

I won't let you down.

Woody, I'm trying to
get some work done here,

and you're driving me crazy!
Now get out of here and leave me alone!

I'm sorry, Miss Howe.

Hey, Fras, new briefcase?

No, it's my new portable
cellular telephone.

The answer to every busy
therapist's prayers.

You see, with this I can instantly

get in touch with my patients in crisis.
Who knows how many lives it may save?

- It looks cool, too.
- Doesn't it?

Excuse me.

Oh, jeez.

I seem to have forgotten
the combination.

I was certain I programmed
Lilith's birthday

so I'd remember it.

Oh, no.

My birthday.

Frasier, it's getting a little annoying.

Yeah, of course.

Freud's birthday!

Hello? Cheers.

- Two drafts, Sam.
- Coming right up.

- Shouldn't you be on your way to the airport?
- No, Eddie called from Louisville.

He said the performers' plane
was gonna be a little late,

- so he'd meet me here.
- He must be getting excited, huh?

I thought that ice show would never
get back to Boston.

It has been tough.

He misses me, you know.
The kids miss him,

not to mention that I happen
to be at my sexual peak.

You've been there
since you were 12.

When you find a place you like,
why leave lt?

Answer the damn phone!

Sorry, sorry.

Oh, wait! Jung's address!

Ah, finally.

Hello.

No, there is no Itzak here.

Woody, here are your tickets.

Tickets? All right!

Company season tickets.

Patriots-Dolphins tonight.
Two on the 40-yard line.

Thanks, Miss Howe.

You know, you are the greatest
boss I ever had.

Ahem!

I mean... you're the prettiest boss
I ever had.

Ahem!

I mean, thanks.

So, uh, Woodster,
what time are we leaving, bud?

Mr. Peterson, you'd be interested
in going to something like this?

- Yeah.
- Wait-t-t-t-t.

Fair is fair.

Woody, didn't I Invite you
to a very special occasion just last week?

That's right, Mr. Clavin.
I sure did enjoy that garage sale.

Excuse me, but why do I seem
to have been automatically excluded?

- You have to go home to your wife.
- What about your wife?

You can't be this dense
with your patients.

Hey, Carla, I'm back!

- Hey! Eddie!
- Everybody!

Not here. Everybody's watching.
Excuse me. I'll be right back.

I just got to show
Eddie something.

Aw, gee, It's good
to be home.

Give me a beer, Sam.

- Here.
- Thanks, Sam.

Ah! A charm bracelet.

From Cincinnati.

Yeah. There's a little beer stein,

little bowl of sauerkraut,

and Pete Rose's head.

Ooh, Carla, can I borrow it?

Fat chance.

- This better not turn my wrist green.
- No.

Hey.

- Hey, buddy.
- How's the show doing?

Terrific. We signed a new headliner--
Franzi Schrempf.

Oh! You mean the East German
gold medalist?

That's her.
She's joining the show here in Boston.

Sure would like to meet her
without having to go to that stupid ice show.

You may be In luck, Norm,

because I invited her and some of the cast
to drop by here later.

She is amazing.
She actually grabs the blade

and touches the back of her head with it.

Can you do this?

Hey, are the kids home? I haven't talked to them
since I got back. I wanted to give them a call.

Oh, yeah, go ahead. Just make sure
you identify yourself by name.

Just saying "it's Dad" leaves
too much room for confusion.

You know, Carla, according to
The Weekly Gabber,

This Franzi Schrempf has affairs
with every man she's worked with.

I'm telling you,
she's a man-eater.

Look, Clavin, I'm not worried,
so just shut up.

There's a lot of things wrong with Eddie,
but I know I can trust him.

We've been married
for over a year now,

and not once in that entire time
has his eye wandered.

Well, his good eye.

I'm talking completely over her head.

I mean she must be
triple-jointed or something.

Hey, Eddie, come here.

I was just laughing about
something stupid Cliff said.

He says that this Franzi
has a thing for the men she works with,

says she changes lovers more times
than most people change socks.

I don't have anything to worry about
with you in that area, do I?

No, honey, not at all.
I put a fresh pair on this morning.

Hey, here she ls!

Everybody... I want you to meet
Franzi Schrempf.

Welcome to the bar, Franzi.
We're all-- well, we're big fans of yours.

- Thank you.
- We were just wondering,

Now that you're here in Boston,
what are your plans?

Well, while I'm here,

I would like to wear
blue jeans,

see a Tom Cruise movie,

and eat a Big Mac.

Sexy, dumb, and a cheap date.

Well, in the spirit of détente,

I wouldn't mind having some arms talks
with Franzi.

I'd like to see her try to control my arms.

I wouldn't object to a little mutual
on-site inspection.

See what kind of payload she can deliver.

Produce missiles in Western Europe?

Hey, Sam...

- She is something, eh?
- Yeah.

You know, if I was younger,
taller, handsomer...

and had a brain in my head,
I never would've started this sentence.

You think she's pretty,
don't you.

Well, yeah, if you're into looks,
which I'm not.

- Just don't get any ideas.
- ideas?

Franzi doesn't even know I exist.

Eddie, do you have a light?

You know, I'm sort of the host here tonight.
I'd better take care of this.

Yep! Paper covers rock,
and the mailman goes to the Patriots' game.

That is absurd. You're telling me
that if I took my rock and hurled it,

it wouldn't smash right through that
puny piece of paper?

Oh, will you come on!
You're just crying baby shoes

'cause you're not going to the game.

- Baby shoes?
- Children! children!

There's a much more fairer way
to decide this. Now,

foot race to the corner and back!
The winner goes to the game!

False start!

I'm running this race
under protest!

Carla, I don't think you have
anything to worry about with Eddie.

I don't know.
I get this sense of doom.

Maybe it's intuition.

Maybe it's the fact that every
time Eddie gets excited,

he starts sweating like a ditch digger.

Mom? You'll never believe this.

I'm calling you from a briefcase.

Yeah.

Say, Franzi,

you know, I was just thinking,
seeing how you're new in town,

how about I show you our fair city?

I do not think so. We have just met.

That's not proper in my country.

- I drive a 'Vette.
- I drive a Porsche.

Oh, well, maybe we could race sometime.

Say, congratulations, Mr. Peterson.
You're the winner.

Put it on my headstone.

Well, congratulations, Norm.

You won the first leg
of our triathlon.

Now, on to the...

Now on to the biking
and swimming portions.

Anybody know this guy?

We found him face down
at the top of the steps.

Never saw him before.

Oh, hey, Mr. Peterson, we better hurry,
or we're gonna miss the kickoff.

What? Get out of here.

- Come on! We got to run!
- No, no.

Woody! No, man! Woody!

Excuse me. I think the guy on the steps
would like something to drink.

We don't do take-out.

Hey, uh, Franzi,
what's the matter?

Sammy doesn't
spin your propeller?

He's rude, crude,
and very stupid.

I guess all the sweet,
simple guys are taken.

Don't you forget it.

Say, I'll bet with all that skating,
you get pretty sore muscles.

Have you ever experienced

Sammy's all-American
deep muscle massage?

Have you ever experienced
knowing when to quit?

Are you sure
you're not from around here?

- Eddie?
- Yes.

Would you be so kind
to give me a lift back to the hotel?

Oh, sure, Franzi,
anything.

You're so sweet.

Well, there he goes, Carla.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

You've got to give her credit.
She didn't say it.

Say, eh, Rebecca,

was it a big hassle getting those
company tickets for Woody?

- No.
- Can you get some for me?

No.

I get it. Employees only, huh?

No.

Gotcha, can't go to the well too often.

No.

Then you just don't want
to get 'em for me?

Yes.

No harm in asking.

Man, what is with these East German babes?

All week long, I've been trying--
phone calls, flowers, the whole thing.

What am I doing wrong?

Well, Sam, I see no alternative.
You're just gonna have to become a communist.

What do you do? You apply
for a membership or something?

I cannot believe my ears.

What?

We're not talking
about the Moose Lodge here.

You're talking communists,

the most reprehensible perpetrators
of social and economic oppression

ever known to mankind.
I mean, they brainwash you,

they put you to work
in some tractor factory.

And as for your creature
comforts, forget it.

Yeah, but the stuff you had before you joined
is still your stuff, am I right?

Ordering.

What are you ordering, Carla?

I forget.

You know where to reach me.

Carla, are you preoccupied
with something?

You don't still think

Eddie's messing around
with Franzi, do you?

I have my suspicions.

Well, what evidence do you have?

I'll tell you what I have.

I have nothing!

That was the one good thing about Nick.
With Nick, I always knew for sure.

- How?
- He told me.

I mean, Nick used to stick
polaroids in the family album.

Carla, you don't have anything
to worry about. I'm telling you,

Franzi would ever date anyone
from that crummy ice show.

I can't believe that dame!

She said she can't see me because
she's fallen for some guy in the Ice show.

Carla, she's probably just saying that

because she wants
to get Sam to quit bugging her.

I'll have to
remember that one.

No, she's dating somebody all right.
Get a load of this little tidbit of gossip.

"One international skating star was seen
spooling spaghetti

with a short, dark,
melon-faced companion."

Eddie!

Oh, come on, Carla.
"Short, dark, melon-faced"?

I mean, that could be
anybody in the show.

I guess that explains why it's not
one of the more popular ice shows.

Why, that no-good two-timing
scum-sucking son of a...

Hey, honey bear, come give
your lover man a hug.

Gggrrrr!

Hey, Eddie. Eddie!

Hey, do you mind if I borrow
Carla here for a minute?

No problem.
It'll give me time to find my tooth.

Hey, Frasier, help
him out there, will you?

Tell him one of your funny
psychiatry stories.

Will you sit down!

Now what the hell
do you think you doing?

I'm killing
the horny little frog!

Come here, will you?
Murder is not the answer

to every one of life's
little problems, you know that?

First of all, you don't even know
if he did anything wrong.

And second, if he was
a little tempted,

maybe you pushed him into it.

Oh, what are you talking about?

Did you ever think that maybe
you aren't exactly nice to the guy?

Sammy, you know me.
This is an nice as it gets.

But this is the way you handle everything
in your life, and it never works.

Okay, oh God of Good Relationships,
what do you suggest I do?

Carla, you got to let Eddie know
how you feel inside.

You must embrace him
not, not just with your heart,

but with your very soul.

Give unto him,
and he will give unto you.

Okay, no more for this clown.

Listen, I'm talking about
the occasional back rub,

the general all-around pampering.

Maybe buy one of those
low-cut frilly dresses.

Oh, you mean that "total woman" BS?

I find that completely repulsive.

Well, that explains all the men
beating down your door, doesn't it?

Sweetheart, listen, you got to become
the ideal woman, you know?

Treat him like a God.
Cater to his every whim.

Oh, yuck! I can't do that.
I can't do frilly.

You know what they say, you can catch
more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Maybe I shouldn't be
butting in here,

but you can catch the most
with dead squirrels.

- Come on.
- Guys, guys.

I'm not going to do this, okay?

I'm gonna get to the bottom of it
in my own way.

So, I say to this patient,

"Look, you're never going to get well
until you get over this paranoia."

And he says to me,
"I was afraid you'd say that."

Well, you had to be there.

Your phone is ringing.

Ooh!

Why did you attack me like that?

I'm sorry, Eddie.

Look, I've been very tense lately.

Can I ask you something?

Sure.

- Are you happy with me?
- Boy, am I.

- No complaints?
- Not one complaint.

You're lying.
Everybody has one complaint.

I want one complaint,
or I'm not going to believe you're happy.

Well, okay.

What?

Remember the other night when I asked
if I could have a few buddies over for poker

and you shoved my face
into the refrigerator?

Well, I guess I didn't like that.

Listen, Eddie.

I want you to promise me something.

I want you to promise me that,

if you ever find someone

who makes you happier than I do,

that you'll tell me.

- Oh, yeah, right!
- What do you mean by that?

- You'd kill me.
- No, I won't.

Now tell me the truth!
Are you having an affair?

No!

Did you believe me
when you said I wouldn't kill you?

- No!
- Then if you were having an affair,

- you would still be saying no!
- Yes!

Even if I were
having an affair, I'd still say no!

Honey, look.
I got to tell you something.

I have a real bad headache
from this conversation,

and I need to lie down in a dark room.

Where do I go for frilly?

All right, Norm,
I will see your nickel,

And I'll raise you a nickel.

Too rich for my blood.

Hey, honey,
more chips and dip!

Right away, sweetheart!

Hey, Ed, what's with the old lady?

Why is she acting so nice?

I got no idea.

She's been doing it all week.

But I got no idea
how a car works, either,

but I don't mind riding in one, eh?

That's rich!

Shades of the Algonquin Round Table.

Here you are, sweetheart.
Just the way you like lt.

Oh, thanks.
I thought you forgot us.

No! I was just carrying
another keg in from the garage.

Oh! Let me get that, baby face.

And when you're through with that,
could you grab me a beer?

Anything you want.

Me, too, please.

What, do I look like a waitress?

Oh, Sam, thank God it's you.
I think I'm hemorrhaging.

Well, don't worry about it.
I got some great news...

For you, at least.

I went to Franzi's dressing room
to give her one last chance.

Guess who was there?
Her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend was there?

And Eddie's here?

Hey, Carla! Beer me!

You think Eddie
looks like a melon?

Boy, I tell you, you put a cantaloupe
up next to that guy's face,

I defy you
to tell the difference.

Carla, what are you doing out there?
Growing the hops?

Right away, dear.

Maybe I'll join them
for a couple of hands of cards.

Don't bother.
The game's just about to break up.

Thanks for the warning.

Hey, honey, we're running a little low on dip.

You want some dip?
Here's your dip.

And your chips, and your drinks

and your cards!

You want them?

Help yourselves!

I don't know about you guys,
I'm a little bushed.

You know,

we really must get together
like this more often.

Oh, for God's sake, Norm.
Let the dog have the dip.

Now what the hell
was that all about?

You never laid a hand
on that Franzi, did you?

Did you kiss her even? Did you pinch her?
Did you do anything?

No! I swear it!

Well, how could you humiliate me
like that?

Franzi?

Carla, is that what you're all upset about?

You think there's something going on
between me and Franzi?

Listen, if that woman threw herself at me,
I would have nothing to do with her.

In fact, today at rehearsal,
I saw how inhuman she could be.

She humiliated one of the guys
just because he made a little mistake.

Chewed him out in front of everyone.
Actually spit on him.

If it upset you so much,
why didn't you defend the guy?

I was the guy!

So nothing was going on,

and you let me walk around
like Debbie Reynolds.

Why didn't you stop me?

I thought maybe
you were pregnant again

and this was your way of telling me.

Well, you didn't have to like it so much.

Like lt? It gives me
the creeps.

Well, you certainly seemed to like it

When you were making all those stupid cracks
in front of your friends.

Well, you know the competition
to be witty in front of those guys.

Besides, honey, I mean,

isn't the important thing
that I've been faithful to you?

You have been,
haven't you?

Yeah.

Guess I kind of lost sight of that.

I was never married to anyone
who was faithful before.

You're really a good guy, Eddie.

I don't deserve you.
But I'm gonna try to.

From now on, I'm gonna be
the perfect wife.

I don't want you to be
the perfect wife.

I want the girl I married--
feisty, strong-willed,

and, well, downright nasty...

In a beautiful way.

- You really mean that, Eddie?
- Oh, you bet I do.

Then get your sorry butt
into the kitchen.

There's a sink full of dishes,

the garbage disposal is clogged,

and there's a cat box
with your name on it.

What are you doing?

Oh, my sweetie is back.

Beat it!