Original subtitles

Nick, uh, get me that Fricano file, will you?

I can't find it.

How do you know? You haven't looked yet.

Oh, all right.

I just thought I'd save us some time.

Just find the file.

Wojo still hasn't checked in yet, huh?

You know, the time change probably loused him up.

Any progress on those burglaries?

Yeah, a lady called in and said that she saw a little kid

running out of one of the places uh, carrying a sack.

Yeah, so I'm checking the juvenile files.

These are all juvenile offenders?

Thirteen and under.

Wonderful.

From the description, I think our thief

probably hasn't gone through puberty yet.

Good, we got something to look forward to.

I, uh... I got some good prospects

that I'm gonna check out, though.

Think about the possibility of it being a gang of kids,

maybe even led by an adult. Check that out.

You know, that's very Dickensian.

So it is, Harris, so it is.

No, really, I mean, you know,

like in Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens.

Yes, yes, I... I... I recognize the reference.

Oh. I just didn't feel the need to prove it.

That's with Fagin and the Artful Dodger.

Mm-hm.

One of his earlier novels.

I didn't know that.

Good.

Uh, 12th Precinct, Sergeant Harris.

Oh, hi, Bernice.

No, uh, he stepped out for a minute.

Oh, uh, yeah, he's walking in right now.

Hold on.

It's, uh, Bernice on two.

Thank you.

Beautiful timing, I was about to hang up.

You know, you got a real mean streak in you,

you know that, Harris?

Morning, Harris. Heh-heh!

Good day, huh?

Hey, you're late.

No, I'm not.

I'm... I'm two minutes early.

It's, uh, 10:00.

No, it's 9:00.

Ten o'clock.

Daylight saving time started this weekend.

We lost an hour.

Oh, really?

Mm-hm. I'm surprised you didn't hear about it.

It was widely publicized.

Well, uh, I didn't, uh,

see too many people this weekend.

Well, it was in all the newspapers.

Yeah, well, I didn't, uh, get a chance to read the papers.

I was, uh... Was in all weekend.

It was on TV.

Well, I, uh... I didn't do much of that either.

Oh, well,

this time he has a legitimate excuse.

A lust.

Wojo, why don't you get started working,

maybe you can make up for lost time?

Maybe you can even stay an hour later today.

Okay, Barn.

Any luck on the Fricano file?

Yup. Good.

I think I found the F's.

Bernice, uh, togetherness isn't just physical,

it's a state of mind, a spiritual thing.

We don't have to be physically together to be together.

Like, uh... Like right now.

I'm here, and, uh, you are there.

Isn't this nice?

Barn? Hm?

Shooting on 6th Street.

Uh, you and Fish. FISH: Yeah.

I don't wanna learn backgammon.

It's... It's too exhausting, Bernice.

Fish, Fish, we got a shooting.

Thank you.

Can't talk anymore, Bernice, I gotta go, I gotta go.

Right now? Right now.

Goodbye, Bernice.

Barney?

Found the Fricano file.

Oh, thank you.

There's nothing in this.

I know.

Nick, I need what goes inside this.

Oh.

You through with this?

I got the precinct reports here.

I'll, uh... I'll just put 'em over on this desk.

Mm.

Well, uh, say goodbye to all the guys for me, huh?

Okay.

I'm leaving the force.

You're laid off?

No, I'm quitting.

Hey, I'm not mad, I'm not bitter.

It's, uh... It's just the breaks, right?

Right.

Oh, uh, hello, Levitt.

Actually, sir, it's goodbye.

Oh? I'm quitting the force, sir.

Oh? When did, uh...?

You can't talk me out of it, sir.

Sergeant Yemana already tried.

I just wanted to come up here to say

it's been an honor serving under you.

I'm grateful for everything you did for me.

What happened, Levitt?

I talked it over with a couple of doctors,

and they said forget it.

Oh. Incurable, huh?

Yes, sir.

5'6" and a half, that's it.

I see.

Hey, it's okay.

I'm not mad, I'm not bitter,

I'm just being practical.

And there's nothing you can say to make me change my mind.

Everybody's tried, right?

I did my best.

Well, okay, Levitt.

Please, captain, I'm decided.

Goodbye.

Thank you.

It's too late.

Twenty-eight years of marriage,

why would he do something like that to me?

Because you're a rotten human being, Arvin!

You're hurting my ears, Mrs. Kaufmann.

He'll be up in a second. Have a seat.

Have a seat, Mrs. Kaufmann.

Half of it. Welles' bringing up the husband.

I want him locked up. All right, take it easy.

She wasn't injured, huh?

No, she shot him.

Oh.

Apparently she followed him to a place on 6th Street,

they had an argument out front, and she pulled a gun.

Was he hurt?

The doctor says he was very lucky.

The bullet just grazed him.

Hm. Where'd she hit him?

In the inseam.

Excuse me, captain, this is Mr. Kaufman.

Thank you, Welles. Hello, Mr. Kaufmann.

You, uh...? You sure you're all right?

Oh, it's okay, I'm fine.

Listen, captain, the whole thing is just a big misunderstanding.

She never meant to shoot me.

Yes, I did. Louise, shhh, don't say that.

I told you not to go back to that place,

I warned you. Wait, wait, what place?

Go ahead, tell him, Arvin.

Tell him what place.

What place, Mr. Kaufmann?

It's a clinic.

A clinic. Ha-ha!

You should live so long, a clinic.

Tell him the truth.

It is the truth.

Chippies. Tramps.

A whole house full of them.

Prostitutes? You hear? He knows.

No, it wasn't like that, it wasn't.

Uh, j-just have a seat, Mrs. Kaufmann.

A house on 6th Street? That's news to me.

You know anything about it?

There's one on 7th Street.

Oh, well, yeah.

And the one on 8th Street.

Uh, Yeah, that's it.

There's two on McDougall... Thank you, Nick.

Right across the street.

Uh, they're having a price war.

Thank you, Nick.

They're not prostitutes.

They're not prostitutes, I'm telling you.

It's not that kind of a place. Take it easy.

You know anything about the place?

Something called the New York Institute

of Sexual Dysfunction.

Wojo's checking it out.

That's right, I had a doctor's appointment.

You're disgusting.

Louise, I only went there for us.

I even asked her to come with me.

That's even more disgusting.

What are you talking about?

Don't you understand the medical value...?

Control yourself, will you? Keep quiet. Now, stop it.

I'm gonna have to get some more information from both of you.

No, look, I'm not gonna press any charges.

Don't do me any favors. Okay, okay.

Uh, right over here, have a seat, Mrs. Kaufmann.

Detective Fish will take your statement.

Mr. Kaufmann, over here.

Sergeant Yemana will, um...

You sure you're all right? It's okay.

The doctor said the limp was mostly psychological.

Fish?

Hold off on the booking,

just get the information.

Doesn't it seem we're getting more and more crimes

of wives trying to kill their husbands lately?

That's very disturbing.

It happens when you have a breakdown in communication.

And I hung up on her.

Now, would you just step inside, please, miss.

Doctor.

And I told you I didn't hear anything,

I didn't see anything.

I was in my office in the clinic.

We'd like to ask you a few questions.

Uh, I'm Captain Miller, Miss...

Doctor.

Doctor Lorraine Dooley.

Hello, Mr. Kaufmann.

Listen, I'm very sorry...

Is that her?

Oh, you harlot, you tramp. Whoa.

Have a seat, Mrs. Kaufmann.

If you don't restrain yourself,

we're gonna have to do it for you.

Barn, I... I checked this thing out,

and, uh, she says it's a clinic,

that she's a therapist.

But, uh, they do stuff,

and they get paid for it, so, what's the difference?

I'm not certain.

You know, uh...

Exactly what kind of therapy are we talking about?

Captain, effective sexual expression

is part of a normal and healthy life.

Mm-hm.

A diminished ego, an unhealthy libido,

is every bit as harmful as a pernicious virus.

Mm-hm.

And?

We deal with the dysfunctionary problem.

How do we deal with that problem?

Discussion, practical application.

Uh-huh, you hear that?

All right, all right.

Do you have physical relationships

with your patients?

Of course.

Mm-mm-mm, who is that?

My new doctor.

Uh, a pawnshop on Lexington called.

Somebody's trying to hock stuff from the burglaries.

Oh, yeah, thanks.

Uh, I-I'm... I'm sorry, Bernice, I was, uh, preoccupied.

Uh, but I promise we'll do something this weekend.

I... I... I don't know what.

Captain, what am I being charged with?

Uh, nothing, doctor.

But, uh, there was a shooting outside your establishment,

and there are still some questions

I'd like answered about, uh, your work.

I've already told you.

I try to help people to find a new closeness,

a new sensuality.

I teach them how to, uh, express their emotions

and overcome their inhibitions

so that they can increase their mutual pleasure.

And you made me miss my appointment.

Together we... We try to explore the problem,

so that I may be the instrument through which the patient

may experience a balance and confidence,

and in turn may relate that newfound sensuality

to that which may be at home.

You get my drift?

Bernice, I may have an idea.

Let me get back to you.

Uh, cancel Mr. and Mrs. Kowalski,

and, uh, you can tell Mr. Durrell to wait.

Have him read a magazine, and show him a movie.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

Captain Miller, how much longer am I going to be held?

You're not being held, doctor.

But, uh, we need your cooperation

to, uh, clear up a few things.

We... We are, after all, entering a sensitive area here.

I mean, the services of a surrogate

come uncomfortably close to the legal definition

of prostitution.

I am a qualified specialist.

Qualified, maybe.

Special? I'm not so sure. Louise.

I checked Dooley out for priors. She's clean.

It's just routine. Thank you, Wojo.

Yeah, no soliciting, no pandering...

Thank you, Wojo.

But I checked out the place, Barn.

And, uh, they don't have a license.

A license isn't required.

They don't even have a permit from the Health Department.

We don't serve food.

Who would eat it?

Wojo.

Wojo, we're... We're obviously in some area of investigation

which has not been definitively explored from a legal sense.

But, Barn, I saw the place.

They got these little cubicles with beds in them.

And chairs.

We got chairs here too, lady,

it don't keep the desks from getting a good workout.

Wojo.

Barn, I was there.

There were six guys hanging around the waiting room.

We're understaffed.

Look, doctor, for your benefit and for ours,

we would appreciate a little more information

about your operation.

The names of the other, uh... Doctors?

Doctors, credentials,

a little idea of just what it is that goes on there.

We have nothing to hide.

Fine.

Detective Wojciehowicz will take your statement.

Keeping in mind that Dr. Dooley is here voluntarily,

assisting in this inquiry.

Sure, Barn.

Over here.

Uh, won't you be seated, doctor?

Right here.

Why would a man wanna go to a woman like that,

when he's got a wife at home who's available and willing?

I was only considering it.

Okay, come on, watch your step.

Hey, don't patronize me, I'm not a child.

Don't rub it in.

This is our juvenile suspect?

He's a midget.

And don't call me a midget.

I'm a little person.

You understand?

Caught him trying to unload this stuff at a place on Lexington.

Take a seat over there.

Good work.

I went through hell looking for a kid.

Well, that's understandable.

Yeah, but it should have at least occurred to me

that it could be a midget.

Don't say "midget."

I am not a midget.

I am not a midget.

Okay.

I mean, look, he's running loose

while I'm tracking down 10-year-olds

and checking on gangs of kids led by an adult.

Well... Well, that... That part's my fault.

Yeah, well, tell you the truth, I mean, I feel like a fool too.

Hey, when can I make my phone call?

Look, you'll get it shortly, huh?

Funny.

Very funny.

Climb up there, will you? Come on, get up there.

I'm sorry you disapprove of the work I do.

Just my opinion.

We provide a vital service.

I'll bet you do.

Obviously you don't know very much

about the psychology of sex.

I know enough to get by.

Is that all?

I mean, uh, I do pretty good.

And, uh, if you were unfortunate enough to find yourself,

because of a lack of confidence or a fear of failure,

unable to function at all,

where would you go?

A ballgame probably.

And if your relationship with society as a whole

were affected,

your growth as a human being retarded,

the progress of your career inhibited...

then what would you do?

I don't have those kind of problems.

You're very fortunate, sergeant.

I'm not a sergeant.

Why not?

Pfft! It's okay, I... I just gotta take the test again.

I hope you'll be better prepared next time.

Since 1948, we've been married and happy.

Then all of a sudden, like out of the blue,

he goes and does something like this.

Oh, Louise, listen.

I only went there because...

Because I'm not an effective human being.

Have I complained?

Of course not. And you had a right to.

Well...

Louise, you've been marvelous about it.

And I suppose you haven't been satisfied?

Since when?

Nineteen forty-nine.

You know, I don't like being a thief.

I can't get a decent job because everyone is prejudiced

against little people.

That's no excuse.

Oh, yeah?

Well, tell me, when you see a little person,

what's the first thing you think of?

I don't know, nothing in particular.

The circus.

Ah, you see, that's what everyone thinks of.

That's where I belong, right?

I don't deny there's prejudice and unfair stereotyping,

but that doesn't give you the right to resort to crime.

I remember...

ah, a little tiny car would drive out,

and then about 15 of you guys would pile out.

Mail, sir.

Oh, thank you, Levitt.

This may be my last delivery, sir.

Sorry to hear that.

All right, let's check your valuables,

and then if you'll step into the cage, please.

Put your valuables right here.

You guys, you got it made.

You talking to me?

All you tall guys.

You oughta try getting somewhere from down here.

Well...

Okay, into the cage.

Captain, I never seen anybody that small.

It's all relative, Levitt.

I mean, you're taller than Mr. Resnick,

I'm taller than you.

I never thought of it that way, sir.

It's something to consider.

Actually, I suppose what's important

isn't how tall you are, but how tall you think.

Right, sir?

Right.

And I think you wear lifts.

Hm?

It's just a little humor, sir.

Just to show how I'm developing the right attitude, sir.

Right.

Thank you, sir. Okay.

See you tomorrow.

Right.

Hang in there.

Captain Miller?

Listen, captain, do you think maybe it might be possible

to, uh, forget this whole thing?

Heh, I'm afraid I don't have too much flexibility

in this matter, Mr. Kaufmann.

Your wife fired a weapon in public at you,

and, uh, it's gonna have to go before the grand jury.

You mean she might have to spend the night in jail?

I'm afraid so.

Look, captain, you know,

in 28 years, we... We never slept apart.

Under the circumstances, it might not be such a bad idea.

Louise.

They tell me you might have the night in jail.

You mean we're gonna be separated?

I didn't think you'd care.

I care enough to shoot you, didn't I?

As a matter of fact, since I can't have you tonight,

I want you more than ever.

Hey, Barn?

I got all the, uh, information on her and her clinic.

Okay, make out a report.

Yeah, uh, heh, they all got diplomas

and "doctor" in front of their names.

Yeah.

To me, it's still a big hook shop.

Put that in your report.

Right. Hey, Barn?

This is gonna be a test case, right?

Test case? Yeah.

We got enough clear-cut crime around here,

I don't need any test cases.

But, Barn... Wojo, make out a report,

send it to the DA's office, let 'em do whatever they want.

Captain Miller, am I through?

Yes, doctor.

Then I'm free to go back to my job

and resume my work?

With a reasonable amount of discretion

and the regard for accepted conventions.

I'll bet they get a lot of conventions.

Wojo.

Sorry.

Goodbye, Captain Miller.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Goodbye, Mr. Kaufmann, Mrs. Kaufmann.

Oh, doctor, um...

I don't think I'll be needing

my Thursday night appointments anymore.

Whatever you think is right, Mr. Kaufmann.

I'll be spending those nights with my wife.

Goodbye, Detective Wojciehowicz.

Yeah, see you around.

Good luck on your sergeants' test.

Don't worry about it. I'll make it.

If not...

here's my card.

Well, that's one area I got no troubles in.

What?

Sex.

Sure.

Well, sometimes they steal my clothes as souvenirs.

What happened to Dr. Dooley?

I wanted to talk to her.

Oh, she just left.

If you hurry, you can catch her.

Ah, forget it.

I'll... I'll take her to a movie.