Original subtitles

Hm.

Something the matter?

No, just reading this article here about you.

Yeah?

It's called, uh, "The Tragedy of the Compulsive Gambler."

I'm not compulsive.

This is just a relaxing hobby.

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

Uh, does it mention me by name?

Good morning, Fish. Good morning. Good morning.

Uh, Bernice wants you to call her.

I'll consider it.

Good morning, Fish.

Good morning.

It's...

It's very lovely.

Very lovely.

But you're... You're still gonna have to do some typing.

What?

Oh, yeah. Ha-ha-ha.

Thank you. Heh.

What's going down?

Oh, my socks won't stay up.

I'm gonna put a rubber band around it.

That's, uh... That's not good for you.

That can cut off your circulation.

I have no circulation.

Wherever my blood is... that's it.

Wojo hasn't checked in yet, huh?

No, he's still in court, Barney.

Oh, that's right, court. Here you go.

There's an article here all about Nick.

Hey, Barney...

you don't think my gambling is compulsive, do you?

Compulsive?

I don't know that I'd say that.

But you do spend a...

An inordinate amount of time on that stuff,

you know? I mean,

so much so that one might think that more substantial matters

might suffer for lack of attention.

See?

Hey, look, man, it's all here.

I mean, it all goes back to a negative self-image

and, uh, deep-seated guilt feelings.

You know, I mean, you do it to, uh, punish yourself,

and to play out your masochistic tendencies.

I'm not the only compulsive one around here, you know.

Oh, yeah?

I've been trying to remember

the last time I didn't see one of those

Roman candles sticking out of your mouth.

Oh, hey, man. I just smoke 'cause I enjoy it.

Sure.

I just happen to be one of those people

who looks good with a cigarette.

Harris...

I'll bet you a month of night duty...

that I can quit gambling

easier than you can quit smoking.

Oh, man, you gotta be kidding. Heh.

Japanese got a lot of willpower.

We eat raw fish.

You like it.

No, we don't.

Hey, look, man. I mean,

personal discipline is my middle name.

All right. As of now I quit gambling.

You're on.

As of this moment...

I quit smoking.

As of this moment, uh... Hello, Bernice.

Uh.

Bernice, what do you want?

Yes, I think it's important to talk.

I was listening. I...

just assumed you'd be finished

by the time I closed the door.

Hey, Woj.

Hi, Woj. Howdy.

You know, um...

How was court?

Humiliating.

Why, what happened?

I don't know. I...

It...

The minute I hit the stand, I... I got...

Nervous?

Yeah. What, uh...?

I knew everything in my head that I wanted to say, but I ju...

I couldn't seem to... You...

Express yourself.

Yeah.

What happened to the case?

Oh. Um...

What happened to the case?

The judge called a recess...

so I could have time to get my facts straight.

Okay. Just relax. Take it easy.

Everything is gonna go okay.

I doubt it.

I just can't talk in front of people.

Here you go, Woj.

Thanks, Harris.

Even when I was in high school,

if I had to give a report, heh,

I'd get so nervous, I'd upchuck.

That won't impress a jury.

It won't.

Hey, Woj. WOJO: Yeah.

Man, you know what would really help you a lot?

What?

A vest.

Really, man. I mean, people believe a vest.

Harris...

there is nothing wrong with what I'm wearing.

You know, I mean,

now is not the time to go into that. Hm.

Battista still out?

Oh, yeah. Out, Barn.

Twelth Precinct, Harris.

Uh, Barn? Here, hold this.

Nerves.

Probably.

Wilson. In or out?

Out. Out.

Yeah. Okay. Got it.

Hey, Barn? Mm?

Uh, Siegel's. They got a, uh, shoplifting suspect

that, uh, got away from 'em,

and they're chasing him around the store.

Okay, uh... Take, um...

I'll go with him.

You're volunteering?

Sure.

It's nice to see you, uh, express an interest.

Uh, Dietrich...?

Out. Out.

Yeah. Okay. Let's go.

One second, man.

Wentworth?

Uh, Vice. Vice. Yeah.

You don't mind if I smoke, do you?

Nasty. Just plain nasty.

Don't slam the door!

No, Bernice. I don't mind you calling me at work.

I enjoy our talks.

Yes, Bernice, you need me and I need you.

Bernice, I gotta hang up. My sock just fell down.

Hey, old guy. Where can I find a cop?

Over there.

Thanks, pops.

Are you somebody?

I'm Captain Miller.

Wonderful. I'm Leonard K. Hauser.

I own those apartment buildings over on 28th Street,

and I'm tearing one down.

Good for you.

What was that? Social commentary?

A little zinger? A little shot?

No, I happen to know those buildings.

Should have been torn down a long time ago. Oh.

I've been called dirty names by the best of 'em, Muller.

"Miller."

I got a tenant, won't vacate.

I want him out of there, and I don't care how you do it.

Has he been served with a formal notice of eviction?

Over two months ago.

All right, fill out a formal complaint,

we'll see what we can do.

Hey, snap it up, will you?

I got a demolition crew there I'm paying 400 bucks an hour to,

and they're just sitting around on their lunch boxes.

Sergeant Fish, would you uh, help Mr. Hauser?

This way. Yeah.

Hey. Can you speed it up a bit?

Every minute's costing me a fortune.

Name?

Hauser, Leonard K.

Can't you type any faster than that?

Sorry, but I'm old.

What did you think you were doing?

Oh, uh, hi.

Why did you leave the courthouse like that?

I wanted to see you.

Well, I was through.

I waved at you.

I waved back.

So, what were you supposed to be doing up on that stand?

Uh, excuse me. I don't believe we've had the, uh, pleasure.

I'm Captain Miller.

Frank Pissano, district attorney's office.

Assistant prosecutor.

I take it you're on Detective Wojciehowicz's case.

Yeah, I'm like lucky one that got Daniel Webster here

as his star witness. Hey.

Oh, we can do without the sarcasm, Mr. Pissano. Uh...

Detective Wojciehowicz probably just got a little tongue-tied,

that's all.

Gibberish.

The man was speaking gibberish.

You weren't there.

Half the time you couldn't even hear what he was saying.

My mouth was dry.

There was a pitcher of water a couple inches away from you.

Well, that was the judge's water.

Well, then you say,

"Your Honor, may I have some water?"

I did. He didn't hear me.

Mr. Pissano, if you'll excuse the expression,

you're making a federal case out of this.

Look.

I don't... We...

The district attorney's office doesn't want

some mush-mouthed cop lousing up what could be a very big,

very important conviction to me. To us.

To the district attorney's office and me.

Am I clear?

Yes, you could say that. Perfectly clear.

Barney? Hm?

That guy in the building is an old man.

Old men can be dangerous.

Thank you very much.

Probably scared and has no place else to go.

I'd like to talk to him.

It's a waste of time.

I've threatened him till I'm blue in the f

Wojo has to go to court.

Take some uniforms with you. Right.

Hey. Why don't you lob one of those tear gas shells

in through the window?

I don't mind damage.

Tear gas is no good, Mr. Hauser.

Why not?

It aggravates my sinuses.

Look, captain, is there someplace

Wojciehowicz and I can have privacy?

I want to go over his testimony with him again.

I know my testimony.

Look, I... We... The district attorney's office

would appreciate your cooperation.

Certainly. You can use my office.

I know my testimony.

Would you mind?

It ain't gonna help.

"Isn't." "Isn't."

"Isn't" gonna help.

Barney, this shoplifting suspect you ain't gonna believe.

Okay, Mr. Roth. We're going through the door.

It better be open.

This is a shoplifter?

Mm-hm.

Now, who's, uh...? Who's speaking, please?

I'm Captain Miller.

Oh. Leon Roth. How do you do, captain?

He tried to get out of the store

with that stuff stuffed in his coat.

He just doesn't realize how lucky he is we caught him.

Uh, if you don't mind my asking, uh, Mr. Roth,

considering your handicap, uh,

what made you think you could get away with it?

No one expects a blind man to steal.

I was counting on the element of surprise.

I was surprised.

I thought it was safe.

I didn't smell anybody around.

Uh, Siegel's is gonna press charges?

Yeah, Barn. They said it's part of their new get-tough policy.

Oh. Wonderful way to begin.

Ah.

I'm sorry, Mr. Roth. We're gonna have to book you.

Look, everybody's been taking from me...

so, now why can't I take a little.

You've been robbed, Mr. Roth?

Every day, and twice on Sundays.

When you're blind, you rob easy.

On the street, on the subway.

Now they're even coming up to my room.

Who...? Who's they?

Kids, hoods, repairmen, religious fanatics.

"Hello, Mr. Roth. How are you, Mr. Roth?

"I'm taking your radio and your shoes, Mr. Roth.

Goodbye, Mr. Roth."

Uh...

I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. Roth.

Now, Detective Harris is gonna take some information.

Okay, Mr. Roth. Take a seat over here, huh?

Can I take your coat, Mr. Roth?

"I'm taking your coat now, Mr. Roth."

"Thank you, Mr. Roth." Get out.

Evidence is not only a group of related facts.

It is the manner in which these facts are presented.

Do you understand that? Sure.

You could cost me this case

if you abrogate your credibility with the jury.

You must speak with confidence and certainty.

I gotta go to the can.

Good.

I believe you.

Here you go.

But be careful. It's, uh, kinda hot.

Thanks.

Are you sure this...?

Trust me.

I guess it's true what they say, you know.

That if one loses one of the senses,

that the remaining ones are sharper and more perceptive.

Uh... Sure does.

Like, I can tell from the sound of your voice...

you're over 6 feet tall and you're a chain smoker.

I don't smoke.

And you're a liar.

And something else. You're very nervous.

How can you tell?

Oh, by the way he keeps tapping his foot on the floor,

pulling at his collar,

rapping his fingers on the desk.

I'm not nervous. I'm just rhythmic.

How do I feel?

You?

Well... you're cool and collected.

Got a lot of personal discipline.

You're very, very intelligent.

Either that, or you're Japanese.

Hey, Barney. I'm gonna check Mr. Roth for priors,

and maybe call Siegel's, or...

Okay. Do that.

What happened to the blind man?

He's a shoplifter.

You're not serious.

Yeah. It's true.

You arrested a blind shoplifter?

I didn't have much to say about it.

Siegel's is pressing charges.

A blind shoplifter?

Do you realize the kind of compassion and sympathy

a blind man is going to arouse in a jury?

Some people get all the breaks.

Do you know what it's gonna make me look like

to have to prosecute this man?

Who cares?

Hey, captain. We got him.

The old nut was running around with a gun, threatening people,

but the old cop talked him out.

See that, Mr. Hauser?

I tell you, I'll take talking to tear gas any day.

Listen, sergeant, believe me. It isn't the end of your life.

Yeah. Yeah.

Retirement isn't so bad once you get used to it.

You'll find a way to be useful. Believe me.

I hope you're right.

Mr. Lukather, Captain Miller.

Mr. Lukather.

You're very lucky that it was Sergeant Fish

who came to get you, and not a special weapons team.

Why you making him retire, when he still has a lot

of very productive years ahead?

It's mandatory at his age.

I told him that. But he couldn't see the sense in it either.

I want this man charged with obstruction, assault,

and anything else you got in the books that I can use.

Shut up. Sit over there.

I'll fill out the complaint form.

Don't talk to a witness like that.

A good defense attorney would have a field day

with that sort of thing.

They gotta live too.

Mr. Lukather, would you, uh, have a seat over there?

Is that the man who barricaded himself in the building?

That's right.

He's just an old man.

So? He had a gun.

He's probably a veteran.

Are you a veteran?

First and Second World War.

God's sakes, Miller.

Blind people?

And dispossessed veterans?

I'm sorry, we, uh...

We attract an appealing class of criminal around here.

What are you trying to do?

Put the district attorney's office out of business?

Look at the bright side, Pissano. He had a weapon.

That's a felony.

Thanks a lot.

Every jury has at least three members of the

National Rifle Association on it.

You probably have some medals?

Citations?

Purple Heart and a couple of bronze stars.

Uh.

Wonderful.

Oh. Are you ready now?

We have to be back in court in 30 minutes.

All right, I just want to get my notes, uh, together.

I told you, no notes.

I just want to go over 'em one more time.

All right. All right. Don't talk.

Save your voice.

Do you have idea how much money you cost me already?

Twenty-five, $2600.

Heh-heh. Good.

Listen. I ought to take you into civil court

and sue you for everything you've got.

Help yourself. That's everything I got.

Two changes of clothes, my bird books and a hot pad.

If you had flushed that nut out when I asked you to,

I wouldn't have had to pay the demo crew

seven hours overtime.

Uh, was that middle initial "K"?

I may take the city to court.

I beg your pardon?

I said I may sue the city.

You?

I'd love to get you up on a stand, baby.

A slumlord.

Hey. No names. I can sue you too.

The city ought to sue him.

Threatening people for rents, no decent plumbing,

dangerous stairs.

Immorality, human degradation.

Good. Very good.

He doesn't know what he's talking about.

Ask him about the rats.

The rats.

Beautiful.

No rats in my buildings.

I've had three running around my apartment so long,

I've even given 'em names.

I told you, no pets.

Mr. Hauser. Uh, here. Sign.

Take it easy, don't rush me.

I don't sign anything without reading it first.

Is there, uh, something wrong, Mr. Hauser?

No. No, there's nothing wrong here.

I just, uh... want to take it home

and read it over with my attorney,

and if it's all right, I'll sign it.

I'll mail it in.

See you in court, Mr. Hauser.

Not necessarily.

What's the matter? You chicken?

No.

No. I just happen to be a compassionate man.

I know how to forgive and forget.

Right, captain?

Right, Mr. Hauser.

Learn how to be a human being, for God's sake.

Barney? BARNEY: Huh?

What about Mr. Lukather?

Give him the receipt for his weapon, turn him loose.

Yeah. But I-I promised him we'd find him a place to live.

"We"?

Is that the editorial "we"?

Yeah, yeah. You and me.

I told him he... He shouldn't worry about it.

Uh, we'll do what we can. Heh.

You better talk to Bernice about it.

I'm ready to go to court, Barn.

Good luck.

I'll be back in a couple hours.

Unless I get cited for contempt or something. Heh.

Let's go, Wojciehowicz.

Okay.

Listen, take it easy, relax. Everything will be all right.

All right.

And, uh, fix your tie.

Right. PISSANO: Hey.

Take your gum out of your mouth

before you get on the stand.

No, I gotta have it. It keeps my saliva going.

I'm gonna lose this case.

I know I'm gonna lose.

Okay, Mr. Roth.

Here's your, uh, desk appearance ticket.

You're free to go now.

Who's, uh...? Who's speaking?

I've head so many voices the past 10 minutes,

uh, I'm all confused.

I'm Sergeant Harris.

Right. The nervous one.

You can go now.

Someone's gotta get me down to the street.

I'll be okay once I'm on 1st Avenue.

I'll take him, Barn.

Uh, hold it.

Uh, Mr. Lukather,

I wonder if you could do me a favor.

Would it be possible to, uh...?

To help Mr. Roth here downstairs?

Sure.

Yeah, uh, this is Mr. Lukather.

He's just lost his home.

Guy with the gun. I heard.

I wouldn't shoot nobody.

It's okay with me.

Mr. Roth lives alone.

Oh, yeah?

He's been robbed many times.

You can understand it. Sure.

Well, listen, you'll take him downstairs then, right?

I'm usually, uh, very independent,

but this building scares me.

Everyone needs help sometime.

Mr. Lukather, here's a receipt for the, uh...

Your gun.

Mr. Lukather. Which, uh...?

Which way do you go?

Don't make no difference.

I got no place. Oh, yeah?

Listen, uh...

you're not one of those people who likes to rearrange

the furniture all the time, are you?

Who, me?

No. I've got a great respect for tradition.

Good. That's good.

Can you cook?

Yeah.

You like chili?

Chili. Yes, sir.

With red beans?

I can't tell a red bean from a white bean.

I'm blind.

Don't worry. I'll handle it.

Nice couple.

Yeah, you really got a knack, Barney.

Oh, it was logical.

What's more, I bet they make it.

Ah, I bet they don't.

You're on.

You lose.

Hi, Barn.

How did it go?

Hi, Woj. Hi.

Uh... I don't know.

Well, what happened?

Well, I... I gave my testimony,

and then the judge called all the lawyers into his chambers

for a big conference.

And?

Well, they... They came out, and, uh...

Uh, they plea-bargained down to burglary second,

and the guy pleaded guilty. Well, there you go.

Obviously your testimony was very damaging.

Sure, man. I mean,

the defense attorney felt that he'd better make a deal.

Yeah, I... I guess so.

Unless... Nick.

Sorry.

Uh, Barney.

Hold this... would you, please?

Thank you.