Original subtitles

Fish?

There's brown stuff coming down the air shaft.

That's snow.

Right.

Wojo hasn't checked in yet, huh?

No.

God, Barney, how many Christmas Eves

have we spent together?

More than I care to remember.

Um, I don't mean, uh... I mean, uh...

And then, before I know what is happening,

he takes my purse and runs off into the alley.

It was very frightening.

Let me, uh, just get some details, Ms. Murakami,

and, uh, then we'll see what we can do, huh?

That would be most appreciated.

Um, and what was inside the purse?

Well, all my cosmetics, personal belongings,

an appointment book,

my wallet with my money.

And how much was that?

Two hundred and fifty dollars.

That's a good deal of cash to be carrying.

Thank you.

Um, where did you say

this incident occurred?

I was standing on the corner of 14th Street and Broadway.

That's a pretty rough area, Ms. Murakami.

I mean, it's not a smart idea

to be walking the streets alone at night.

I will try and remember that, officer.

Heh-heh. Uh, let's see.

Now, you were just standing there?

Yes.

Were you, uh, waiting for somebody?

Uh, uh-huh.

Anybody in particular?

You got something on your mind, turkey?

Hey, look, I mean, take it easy.

I mean, I don't enjoy working on Christmas

anymore than you do.

Merry Christmas.

Hey, Wojo. Hey, Fish, it's snowin' out.

Get away from me!

Merry Christmas, Barn.

Well, I'm glad you made it in time for the festivities.

Oh, yeah, I guess I'm late.

There's so many people out there.

Wojo, I don't wanna hear any more excuses.

I'd just like you here on time.

Yeah, I just had to stop and get this wrapped.

Merry Christmas, Barn.

I thought, uh... I thought we all agreed

we weren't exchanging presents this year.

I didn't agree.

I didn't get anything for you.

That's okay. Come on.

Bah, humbug.

Harris, Harris. HARRIS: Yeah?

Um, merry Christmas.

Hey, man, I mean, I thought we decided

there'd be no exchanging this year.

Wojo is acting unilaterally.

Thanks.

Where's the Christmas tree?

I thought we were gonna have a tree.

Nick went out to get it.

Merry Christmas, Fish.

Who told you to do that?

Nobody. All right? I-I wanted to.

How'd you like me to walk in here

and give you a present?

It ain't... It... It...

It isn't necessary for you

to give me a present, Fish.

Sure, always thinking of yourself.

Hey, guys, I got it.

It's blue.

It's beautiful, ain't it?

Where will we put it?

In the garbage.

Barn, look what he got.

It's a tree.

It's hideous.

Wait till I it decorated.

Christmas trees are supposed to be green.

Blue. It's... It's sacrilegious.

Wojo, sacrilegious is in the eye of the beholder.

One man's hideous is another man's beautiful.

Very well-phrased.

Okay.

Blue?

Uh, yeah, okay.

We'll be right over.

Uh, Ms. Murakami, take your time

and, uh, look those over very carefully.

If you recognize anybody, make a note, okay?

Uh, Barney, the, uh, Salvation Army just called.

They, um... The Santa Claus that they got in front of

Siegel's Department Store just got ripped off.

Oh, how Christmas-y.

Yeah.

Uh, take Fish with you.

Okay, Barn.

Hey, Fish? FISH: Yeah?

Come on. We got a... We got a hold up.

Sure, why not?

You know, just think of that.

I mean, you know, somebody actually mugging a Santa Claus.

Yeah?

Recognize anyone?

Oh, it's hard to tell.

Everyone looks so much alike.

I know what you mean.

I'm Japanese too.

I'm Sergeant, uh, Nick Yemana.

Oh. Dorothy Murakami.

I'm a cop.

I admire you people very much.

Well, it's dirty work, but somebody's gotta to do it.

Nick, we're out of coffee.

Later.

Well, there's no one here.

Are there any other pictures you want me to see, huh?

There's a double feature playing at the Toho.

I mean, is there any other thing to do?

Well, I guess not.

Uh, we'll put out an APB and...

And we'll do the best we can, okay?

Thank you. Oh, uh...

Uh, I get off at 12:00.

Uh, maybe you'd care to have a couple of drinks

or a bite to eat?

I don't know.

You know, uh, it's nice to be among your own

on a holiday.

Um, what time did you say you got off?

Uh, 12. Where do you live?

Uh, I'll come back here.

Great. Be careful going through the streets.

See you later, John.

It's Nick.

All right, inside.

A child could do it.

A snap to assemble. Easy-to-follow directions.

Lies, all lies.

Settle down, Mr. Craig.

This our mugger?

No, this is a new crime.

Wonderful.

We talked to Santa Claus.

And a guy walked up to him when nobody was around,

pulled out a gun and made him empty his pot into a sack.

And Mr. Craig here?

While we were standing there, there was this crash

on the other end of the building.

Yeah. He, uh...

He threw this through a display window.

What is it?

A Zoom-A-Go-Round.

I bought it at Siegel's.

It won't go together!

All right, take it easy, take it easy.

Take it easy.

You see, Barney, uh,

Mr. Craig had gone back to the store

to try to get some help,

but, uh, unfortunately, they had just closed.

I could see them in there, but they wouldn't let me in.

So you, uh, threw it through the window?

I was just returning it.

It decapitated a mannequin.

It was quite a grisly scene, Barn.

Seeing it's Christmas,

Siegel's has decided to press charges.

Aha. Good. I was afraid they would get maudlin on us.

Okay, Mr. Craig, let's go.

Merry Xmas and a ho-ho-ho.

Hi, Barney. Hi, fellas.

How are you, inspector? What brings you around?

Ah, no reason special, Barney.

Just wanted to drop by

to wish you and yours

a most joyous and prosperous holiday season.

Same to you, inspector.

Listen, Barney, I got a little something here.

Inspector, please, you didn't have to.

No, this is for me. Oh.

Yeah, a little token of appreciation

from one of our generous merchants.

I see.

Yeah. Lousy half-pint.

Can you imagine the cheap?

Back in the old days,

when I was poundin' a beat on 8th Avenue, you know,

every Christmas you was good for a turkey from the butcher,

some dried fruits from the grocer...

Times change, inspector.

Oh, they certainly do, Barney.

Now, you take your 8th Avenue today.

Both sides lined with porno palaces

and massage parlors, huh?

That stuff's hard to wrap.

I, uh... I thought maybe you and me...

You got a few minutes?

Maybe you and me could have a little, uh, talk together.

Uh, inspector, as a matter of fact,

I got a couple of reports, uh...

I just gotta get 'em out.

They're sitting on my desk in my office.

In the office. Right.

Gotcha, Barney.

Uh, okay, Mr. Craig, we're gonna have to, uh,

put you in the cage until I check you out.

Come on.

You gotta be a rocket scientist to put one of those together.

Come on. These things aren't that bad.

Talk is cheap.

I don't wanna be disturbed,

unless it's something very trivial.

All right, where are the directions?

Here.

They're in Japanese.

So I suppose you got big plans for tomorrow, huh, Barney?

No. Nothing special.

Just, uh, spend the day at home

with Liz and the kids.

Ah. Yeah, well, I... Yeah, I'll be home too.

Guess I'll just, you know,

wrench out a few things, watch the game on TV.

Clean my revolver.

Sounds nice.

I'll heat up a cup of Ovaltine,

and heat up some fish sticks for myself.

Sit back in front of the TV.

Got a DuMont.

Oh, what the heck. You know, Christmas...

Christmas: I always say it's for the kids, right, Barney?

Absolutely. Yeah. Well, I... I...

Course I never had any... Any kids. But you know that.

You know, on account of you know that I never got married. Heh.

You've been keeping from us, inspector.

Huh?

What?

What, that red-headed cashier?

She was just talkin' out of spite, Barney.

Ah, w-w-we hardly even shook hands.

Color?

Huh?

You got color TV?

Yeah.

I thought so.

Tsk.

♪ Noel, Noel ♪

Uh, ex the interruption.

Thank you. Uh, excuse me, inspector.

A... A little, uh... Uh, just be...

Oh, sure, Barn.

What's happening?

Another Santa Claus just got ripped off.

Wonderful. Where this time?

Klein's Department Store.

The Salvation Army's gettin' real nasty.

Barn, last year they were doin' that up in the Bronx,

and they sent out cops dressed as, uh, Santa Clauses.

All right, why not?

Any, uh, stores open late?

Uh, yeah, Blaine's is open to 10.

Okay, let's set up in front of Blaine's.

I can't wear red. I really can't.

No, let's get somebody

who looks a little more believable.

Somebody who'll make an appealing target,

somebody the right age, the right build... Fish.

I'm going to the bathroom.

You can't stay in there all night.

It's worth a try.

Hey, guys. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

What's in the bag?

Presents. Take one.

Very thoughtful of you.

Well, I was passing that all-night drugstore,

you know, and I figured, why not?

Merry Christmas.

Some literature for the thinking man.

Tree House of Desire.

A classic.

Hey, merry Christmas, Nick.

Oh. Ooh. Huh.

Hey, you got the razor!

Wanna trade?

Merry Christmas, Wojo.

Thanks, Harris, but, uh,

you didn't have to get me a present

just 'cause I got you a present.

That wasn't it.

Sure it was.

No.

Yes.

Look, merry Christmas, will you?

Merry Christmas.

♪ A-dashing through the snow ♪

Inspector, merry Christmas.

For me? Heh. Oh, hey.

Yeah, it's a... It's a traveling toothbrush,

in case you go away for the weekend

or something like that. Oh, yeah.

Oh, gee, thanks, Harris.

Yeah. Merry Christmas. Merry Xmas.

Hey, Harris, uh, you got

any of that cologne that you use around?

Uh, yeah, sure. Got it in my locker.

Help yourself.

Thanks.

Hey, Nick, come on, man, tell me what's up.

Something has to be up?

I mean, uh, you're not the only one

that takes pride in his appearance.

Uh,

do these pencils go with this shirt?

Thanks.

Hey, uh, Wojo? Yeah?

What's with...? What's with Nick?

You know, with the cologne, the shirt and the pencils?

He's got a date tonight.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, with that, uh, Japanese lady.

You were interviewin' her.

Oh, the hooker. Heh.

Hooker?

I thought she was a mugging victim?

She's both.

I'll bet you anything, Nick doesn't know that.

So?

Well, don't you think we ought to tell him

b-before he does anything?

Before he does anything, she's gonna tell him.

I, uh, checked Mr. Craig out,

and, uh, he had no priors. Uh-huh.

And, um, the manager at Siegel's Department Store

said that they would drop the charges of breaking and entering

if Mr. Craig would just pay for a new window.

Oh, okay.

Forget it!

Hey, man, pay the man the $2.

Let 'em glue the old one back together.

All right.

Make out a desk appearance ticket.

Okay, Barney.

Hey, what's a desk appearance ticket?

It means you're gonna be released

with a date and a time to appear in court.

You wanna go to court, you're gonna go to court.

There is a principle involved here!

I hope so, for your sake.

Harris.

Oh, no. Shh.

Okay, Mr. Craig, it looks like, uh,

you're gonna be spending Christmas with your family.

Yeah.

Here you go.

Thanks. WOJO: Okay,

Here we go.

Whoopy, whoopy, whoopy.

Hey, you got it.

It's just like it's supposed to be.

No problem.

I really appreciate what you did.

Well, I hope the kids enjoy it.

Hey, listen, merry Christmas, everybody.

Merry Christmas. Same to you.

Uh, you think you'll have any trouble getting, uh...?

Gettin' that home?

Oh, no problem. I don't live far.

Uh, I'll, uh, get the door for you.

It won't go through the door.

Uh, I'm afraid you're gonna have to take

some of that apart, Mr. Craig.

Oh, my God.

This is a nightmare!

Oh, my God.

Take it easy. Take it easy.

Uh, Mr. Craig, could you move that

out of the doorway here, please, so we can...

Oh, yeah, sure.

Hey, Wojo.

Yeah?

You like my hair this way?

Yeah, uh, it looks nice, Nick.

Yeah. Thanks.

All right, inside. This is entrapment.

What are you guys trying to do?

Yeah, what do we got here? Joseph Conti.

He pulled a gun on me and grabbed for the pot.

Sit down.

Hey, what are you doin'?

I mean, cops dressed up like Santa Claus?

Ain't nothing sacred no more?

Sacred? You tried to rob the man.

Well, I knew he wasn't the real one.

Sit down!

You get off at, uh, 12? Is that right?

Yep.

I gotta work until 2.

Too bad.

She's a hooker, Nick.

What?

That, uh, lady you got a date with.

Harris took her statement. He told me.

I mean, I can't figure out what she wants with you.

You know? She knows you're a cop.

Maybe she liked me.

You gotta consider all the possibilities.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, right.

I mean, uh, I appeal to a lot of people besides cops.

All right. Um, I just figured, you know,

you'd wanna know, you know?

I mean, Christmas is for givin', ain't it?

Certainly.

And so why don't you give me a break, will you?

Somehow your story doesn't touch me.

Yeah, sure, because you're cops.

With your badges and your guns and pushin' people around.

Fish, put him in the cage.

All right, let's go, kid.

Right in there.

I hope I'm not early.

No.

Should we go now?

Yeah, sure.

If you'd rather not, I understand.

Well, if you'd rather not, I understand too.

Look, I just thought that you were a nice guy

with a sense of humor and kind of cute.

Well, I can't add anything to that.

I can't, uh, stay out late.

I'm tired.

Me too.

Uh, I gotta work tomorrow.

Me too.

Well, uh,

as of now, I'm officially off duty.

As of now, me too.

Well, 12:00.

Merry Christmas, Barn.

Merry Christmas.

Hey, merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Very funny.

I found 'em, Barn

They slipped down behind the sofa cushion, you know?

Well, I guess it's time to be hittin' the road, huh? Heh-heh.

But first, might I, uh, wish a very merry Christmas

to the men of goodwill of the 12th Precinct.

Merry Christmas, inspector. Have a good one.

Inspector.

Huh?

Well, I've been thinking, uh...

You're gonna be home,

we're gonna be home, I'm sure...

Liz and I would love to have you for Christmas.

Huh? Ha-ha.

Oh, I never expected anything like...

Uh, Barney, no. Ha-ha.

I gotta check my calendar appointment...

Well, I'm sure there nothing so important I can't put it off.

Okay, well... Thanks, Barney.

Glad you can make it. Thank you.

Uh, I'll ride with you, see?

With this lousy weather...

That's tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow morning.

Bright and early.

Barney?

Noel.

Softy.

♪ O little town of Bethlehem ♪

Merry Christmas, Barney.

What's this?

I stopped in the store on my way back.

Wojo.

Thanks, Fish. Heh.

Harris.

Hey, thanks. Heh.

I seem to be the only one

who didn't get anything for anybody.

That's okay.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Because I thought we agreed

that we weren't gonna be exchanging...

Hey, Barney, it's okay. Forget it, Barn.

Don't worry about it.

Thanks.

Hey, Barney.