Original subtitles

Nick, file this for me, would you?

Yeah. Where's Wojo?

Late.

I trust someone will inform him I do not approve?

It's Harris' turn.

Thank you.

What about the new third grade? What's her name?

Uh, Battista, right? Yep.

She went out for some doughnuts.

Is that her responsibility?

It's her money.

My God.

What's the matter?

They're crazy.

"Police Pension Fund Financial Report." Not good?

Barney, look at the junk they're investing our money in.

Twelve hundred and thirty-two shares

in the First Women's Bank and Trust Company.

I've heard of it.

Well, what kind of a ridiculous institution is that?

They cater to single women who are financially independent.

Come to think of it, so do I.

Thirty years I've been contributing to this fund

and... And they gamble it away on women.

I could have done that myself. And quicker.

I wouldn't exactly call investing in a women's bank

gambling.

It's different.

Uh, you may even say progressive,

but gambling...? How many shares was that?

Twelve hundred and thirty-two.

That's my lucky number.

Twelve hundred and thirty-two is your lucky number?

Mind-boggling, isn't it?

I'm gonna call the administrator of the pension fund.

What for?

He's using my money,

he can use my advice too.

I don't understand this. I didn't do anything.

Nothing. I am absolutely innocent.

Who among us can say that?

Come on, come on. Over here. Get in there.

Take it easy. Come on.

All right, all right. Be quiet.

All right, all right.

What've we got here?

Uh, this is Mrs. Hanson, Barn.

I stepped off the subway onto the platform

and I see this guy rip off her purse and take off.

Yeah, it was leather

and it had a hand-tooled shoulder strap

and little bronze buckles.

Very tasteful.

You're late.

Barney doesn't care for that.

I was working.

It's okay. Okay, Wojo. Good job.

Yeah, except the guy got away.

Well, who's that?

It's Al Mitchell.

What did he do?

Absolutely nothing.

That's what I'm trying to tell you!

I hope you didn't feel obligated to arrest just anybody.

No, no, it ain't that, Barn.

He... He just stood there and watched it happen.

He didn't lift a finger to help this lady.

He j-just stood there and watched her get ripped off.

So I arrested him.

On what charge?

Non-involvement.

Hello? Is this the Police Pension Fund?

I'd like to speak to the director, please.

It's about my future.

Tell them it' gent.

Okay...

Taking off the cuffs now,

so just be careful of those hands, honey.

We got a real sickie here, captain.

Indecent exposure.

I don't see any doughnuts.

Undependable.

I was on my way to the bakery

when Mr. Yusick over here comes over to me

and asks me if I got change for a quarter.

So I whip open my purse...

So slam the cuffs on him.

If I had known she was a cop, I never would have done it.

Oh...

Ignorance of the law is no excuse, mister.

What?

Uh, it's true, Nick.

Hm.

Would it make any difference to you

if I told you that I was in group therapy?

No difference. Maybe.

Maybe.

You see... You see, there are... There are many of us around

with the same problem.

Then this is not the first time it's happened, huh?

Do I have to answer that now? No.

Have you been read your rights? Yes, sir.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Book him.

Make arrangements with Bellevue. Give him his one phone call.

Come on.

What about me? You keep your pants on.

He didn't and he gets a call.

We'll get to you when we're ready to get to you.

Wojo.

Barney wants to see you in his office.

I wasn't late.

Wojo, we'll find something else to talk about.

Oh, all right, Barn.

Excuse me.

Come on.

You know...

You know, we... We talk a lot about our childhood in therapy.

You know, behavior of this sort is rooted in our early years.

What's the matter, you never heard of baseball?

I... I was never very good at sports, you know?

It's okay, honey. You're getting better.

Barn, it's a good bust. I... I...

The guy just stood there. He... He refused to help.

Despicable, I agree. But illegal?

It's in the penal code. I read it.

Wojo, the Assistance Law, Section 195-point-something,

states that a person must help a police officer

if the police officer identifies himself as such

and requests assistance.

Did you identify yourself and request assistance?

Well...

not in so many words.

How many words?

Two.

What'd you say?

"Grab him."

"G him"?

Wojo, how was the man supposed to know you were a cop?

Well... I said it with authority.

You know, Harris, I just figured out

that if the stock market keeps going down

and the cost of living keeps going up,

the Pension Fund can still keep me going for life

if I cut my style of living 40 percent

and if I don't live too long.

I mean, uh, you know,

those investment guys, I mean, they what they're doing.

Stop worrying. That's easy for you to say.

You're not retiring next year.

Well, by the time I retire,

there may not be a world left to retire in.

Well, don't count on it.

What's your profession, Mr. Yusick?

Uh, I'm a stock market analyst.

Hello, Lyle?

This is Charlie Yusick.

Yeah, I'm afraid I, uh... I had a slight regression, Lyle.

Yeah, could you come down to the, uh...?

Uh, 12th Precinct right away?

Oh, thanks.

Thanks. Bye-bye, Lyle.

Hello, Harris. Got here as fast as I could.

Anybody call Arnold Ripner, counselor-at-law?

Nice try, Arnold. Sorry. Don't give me that.

We can't all be in Rockefeller Center.

Some of us prefer to practice our profession

at the grassroots level within reach of the little man.

You're a regular William Jennings Bryan, aren't you?

You're damn right.

Arnold Ripner, Ripner and Associates. And you?

I don't need a lawyer.

How do you know? I didn't do nothing.

Don't give me principles. You wanna get off?

Hey, come on, Arnold. Stop soliciting, huh?

Live and let live, will you, Harris?

Nick. Yeah?

What did he do?

Don't ask me. He's, uh, Wojo's collar.

How do you do? Ripner and Associates.

Arnold Ripner. Ah-ah.

Victim.

Take a card in case you're thinking of revenge.

How is it, Mrs. Hanson?

It tastes like pencils.

That's not the coffee.

That's the cup.

Okay, Mr. Yusick.

The procedure now is downstairs

for fingerprints and photographs.

Is that the procedure? Fingerprints and photographs.

What did I tell you?

Downstairs for fingerprints and photographs.

Yusick? Yusick.

Uh, Mr. Yusick?

Here. Oh... Oh, no, no, no.

Uh, no, my lawyer is already on his way down.

Don't be cocky. I had an uncle went like that:

All right, you can, uh... You can go.

What do you mean I can go?

I mean you can go. Come on, beat it.

Well, am I still under arrest?

Nope.

Why?

We changed our minds about holding you, that's all.

How come?

Would you get out of that cage?

Now I want a lawyer.

You understand you're not being charged with anything?

You're free to go.

I think I got a little case of false arrest here.

Barn, how about that for a total lack of gratitude?

Okay, okay. The man wants to talk to a lawyer,

let him talk to a lawyer.

Fine, you can talk to a lawyer.

What did I do wrong, huh?

I witnessed a crime.

Is that a crime to witness a crime?

Certainly not.

Ask the lady with the coffee, what happened, huh?

I saw this guy snatch your purse.

Am I right, lady with the coffee?

You could've helped me.

I could've helped, but I didn't gotta.

Excuse me.

May I help you?

I'm Lyle Farber, the attorney for Mr. Charles Yusick.

Oh, sure. You were, uh... You were here once before,

weren't you, Mr. Farber?

Yes. I was arrested last year for indecent exposure.

What did he say?

He's a flasher.

But he said he was an attorney.

He does both.

Mr. Farber. Captain Miller, remember?

How are you? Very well, thank you.

I'm in group therapy.

I've been on the wagon for over a year.

Congratulations.

Charlie... Mr. Yusick and I are classmates.

I'm sorry he didn't reach me before he went off the deep end.

It helps to talk to a fellow compulsive.

Are you holding him up here?

Uh, yeah, he's downstairs being printed and photographed.

Uh, may I wait up here?

Please, be my guest.

Thanks.

Uh, 2400 shares Kensington Copper,

anotherh 5500 shares Lewis Petroleum.

How do we stand? Not too bad.

The Police Pension Fund is supposed to have

over a billion dollars.

I got a lawyer. And we got a case, Barney.

It ought to cost this city about $5 million.

Give or take 5 million.

Five million dollars? You're nuts.

You had my client locked up in there.

I was a witness to that. Come on, Arnold,

your client refused to assist a police officer.

That's against the law.

Now, we're just choosing to overlook it.

Not so fast.

Now, what about the inconvenience, the humiliation?

Wha...? What? Were you humiliated, Mr. Mitchell?

Well, I... I... I...

And you didn't have that stammer before, did you?

Uh... Yeah!

Besdies, you had no grounds

for arresting my client in the first place.

Did you know that man was a police officer?

Nope.

You did too.

You... How?

Were you wearing a uniform?

No, of course not. I'm a detective.

Come on, Arnold. This man must have known

there was a crime in progress.

Didn't you, Mr. Mitchell? Hold it.

You don't talk. I talk.

Did you show him any identification,

or did you just say,

"Take my word for it, I'm a cop"?

I didn't have time to show him nothing.

I just had time to yell, "Grab him."

"Grab him"?

That's all?

What's wrong with that?

It's a little skimpy.

Come on, Arnold.

Your... Your client should have known instinctively

that... That this man was a police officer

just from the authoritative way he acted.

Thanks, Barn.

Huh?

I said, thanks, Barn.

You're welcome.

Incidentally, you'll all be named in the suit

along with the police commissioner,

the entire police force and the city of New York.

Yeah, well, go ahead and try it.

Wojo, they don't need any encouragement.

You got a copy of the arrest report?

No, I'm... I'm not done yet.

I'll wait.

I hope you have a good lawyer. I'm not available.

Do we have to show it to him, Barn?

Yes, we have to show it to him.

While you're at it, you might as well call Division.

Tell them what to expect.

They'll contact the city attorney's office.

Okay. Uh, Barn.

I'm not worried.

Wonderful.

That'll give us all something to cling to.

Okay, Mr. Yusick, right this way, please.

Where do I go? Into the cage.

Into the cage? That's just what I said, Into thMr. Yusick.

Oh, Lyle. Thank God you're here.

Don't excite yourself, Charlie.

Don't talk to the prisoner, please.

I'm Mr. Yusick's attorney.

Well, wait till hear what he did.

I know what he did. I've done it myself.

What do you got, a team?

There are far worse crimes committed by mankind

than a little aberrant self-expression, young lady.

Go talk in the cage.

Uh, Mr. Yusick, uh, are you acquainted

with the First Women's Bank and Trust Company?

Oh, yeah.

Well, they're a very exciting company.

But, uh, I... I don't do business with them.

You know why, Lyle. You know...

Do you think they're risky?

Not for you.

Thank you, Mr. Yusick.

Yes, sir. H-hold on a second.

Listen, how long do I have to hang around here?

Uh, as soon as we finish the arrest report, Mrs. Hanson,

you can go. Is anyone looking for my purse?

Uh, there was an APB out on the guy right now.

Listen, there was 37 bucks in that purse

and a lot of very expensive makeup.

Yes, ma'am.

Maybe I ought to sue you too.

What for?

Let's start with the coffee.

Yes, sir, I can understand that.

The city doesn't need the headache.

But there is an ambiguity in the law,

and Detective Wojciehowicz did exercise his best judgment.

No, sir, I do not mean to imply that's as good as it gets.

No, the expense, the aggravation.

Settle it here. Yes, sir.

Mm-hm.

What'd they say? What did they say?

They don't want the headache. They want us to settle it here.

Well, that's a crummy attitude.

Wojo, they won't get through today's court calendar

in our lifetime.

But the law says... I know what the law says.

Well, don't you agree with me? Yes, I agree with you.

But we are men of high integrity.

The city can't afford us.

All right.

Get the, uh, arrest report finished

and make sure that Arnold gets a copy.

Arnold? Mm?

We'll have you out soon. I've spoken to Division

and they have spoken to the commissioner's office.

Little upset, are they? Oh, yes.

But they have informed us that they will back us up

with every resource at the city's command.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah.

Well, see you, Mr. Mitchell.

We'll see a lot of each other the next four or five years.

Four of five years?

Sure, didn't your attorney explain it to you?

This is a long and drawn-out business.

I mean, there's appearances, depositions.

It's gonna take a lot of time

and it's very expensive.

You didn't say expensive.

Don't worry. Don't you know when you're getting a hype?

A hype? Come on, Arnold. Your client is an intelligent man.

You can understand what... What ramifications there would be

if the city caved in on a case like this?

Can you imagine the retroactive can of peas we would open up?

It could bury us. Am I right, Arnold?

They would never let a case like this go to court.

Mr. Mitchell. Yeah.

Tell me, uh, you ever take a nice leisurely walk

in Central Park in the evening?

Me? Are you crazy?

Then you can understand how the city needs

the goodwill of the police department.

If you don't think they're gonna back us up on this,

you got another thing coming.

Hey, I'm starting to believe him myself.

Not me.

They turned down our requisition for toilet paper.

You told me this was gonna be one of them quick things.

Let's talk about it in the hall.

You told me they'd be nervous.

Stop talking. I am not talking.

You... You said they didn't want trouble...

In the hall. That they'd offer us money.

Wait, wait. What was that?

He said we'd get a settlement and we'd split it.

Fifty-fifty? No, 70-30.

Hey! Get in the hall!

Hey, Barn, that was beautiful.

You better be ready to settle.

Time's up.

We've got 15 minutes.

Fifteen...? Fifteen minutes?

Yeah.

Okay, 15 minutes. But keep it snapping.

Lyle, you know, I'm getting very nervous, Lyle.

You know the feeling when you wanna take everything off

and run through the park naked?

Yeah.

Well, Lyle, I can't stand it, you know?

I'm burning up, Lyle.

Ch-Charlie, as a lawyer I'm telling you, don't do it.

As a friend, I think it's kicky.

Oh, yeah. Oh!

Hey, listen, folks!

I wanna go to the bathroom.

And I really mean it.

Okay, okay. Just hold on a minute. Wait... Take it easy.

It's okay. It's okay?

It's okay. He said it's okay. It's okay.

Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Whoa! Whoa.

Uh, all right.

All right, we talked it over.

My client is willing to settle for $10,000.

Fifty-fifty. Big deal.

Uh, Barn? BARNEY: Yeah?

They, uh, want $10,000.

A little settlement, Arnold?

It's a possibility.

Talk it over with the city attorney.

I already have.

Their attitude is millions for defense,

not one cent for tribute.

Are you kidding? They haven't got millions for defense.

Probably don't have one cent for tribute either.

He's not kidding. They already owe me money.

I bought three municipal bonds. Try selling them sometimes.

Sure, $10,000? Out of the question.

How about 5? Will you let me handle this?

The city is busted. Let's keep this between me and them.

What do you say, 5?

Uh, five what?

Thousand dollars.

You crazy? Where am I gonna get $5000?

Well, don't cops carry malpractice insurance?

No, but I'll tell them you suggested it.

Your name will be on the lips

of every police officer in town.

Oh, man.

All right, then make me an offer.

I haven't got any money.

Don't you own anything?

Uh... a bowling ball.

What kind of bowling ball?

Listen, you work it out.

I'll send you a bill.

What bill? I'm not paying anything.

Then get a lawyer.

I'll handle it.

Thank you.

Listen, you call me in the morning.

We'll arrange a settlement. First thing in the morning.

Does it come with a case?

Uh, yeah.

Deal?

Yeah, okay.

Just a minute.

You're not one of them weirdos

that uses a two-finger ball, are you?

Well, that's the only kind I know how to bowl with.

A two-finger ball?

Well...

Then how about an apology?

Okay, I'm... sorry.

Forget it.

I think... I think you did pretty good.

Lyle?

I'm coming out, Lyle.

And I'm naked.

Naked?

I've seen it before.

He wants to humiliate himself.

How about us?

Okay, now, listen to me, Yusick.

This is a police station,

and I wanna tell you...

Because if you come out here looking like that,

you are gonna be one sorry person.

What, are you kidding us?

You're dressed.

Yeah, but wasn't it exciting just to talk about it?

Get in the cage.

Uh, Bellevue, this is Harris over at the 12th Precinct.

Yeah, send over a cookie truck, will you?

Even with social security, it's gonna be a miserable life.

Of course, we both got life insurance.

If I die, Bernice will be okay.

Of course, if Bernice dies first...

I... I wouldn't wanna live.

Not like this, anyway.

Sandwiches are here.

Oh, yeah.

You sent her out for lunch too?

Ah, I wanted to make up for the doughnuts.

Roast beef.

Twenty-two hundred dollars in municipal bonds

plus the savings account...

You still aggravating yourself?

Yeah, it gives you an idea

what you can look forward to.

If you're a friend, you'll keep it to yourself.

Seventy percent of my base pay on pension payments

minus $200 a month for insurance...

Tuna on rye? Yeah.

Dollar 10. Minus a $1.10 comes to...