Original subtitles

Twelfth Precinct, Yemana.

Oh, hold it a minute, ma'am.

A UFO landed in Central Park.

Anybody need any cheering up?

There's nothing funny anymore.

I can't believe a whole shift of cops out with swine flu.

You know, there's a joke in there somewhere.

But not for this crowd.

Anybody see the, uh, file on, uh, hallucinations?

I didn't even know we had one.

Oh, here it is.

That whole thing is hallucinations?

Yeah. That's just our precinct.

You can imagine how many there are in the whole city, huh?

Be thankful they don't have enough brains to organize.

Nick, we're out of coffee.

That's the last of it.

I didn't get a chance to get down to the store.

Well, how are we supposed to stay awake with no coffee?

My grandfather told me an old oriental trick

for staying awake if you had to.

You convince yourself that if you fall asleep, you die.

Thinking about it keeps you awake.

Hey, look, what happens if you want to go to sleep

but you can't stop thinking about dying, huh?

I don't know.

I think that's what opium dens are for.

Well, we have been promised relief at 10:00 tonight.

Ten o'clock?

Yeah, they're trying to work up a shift

out of three other precincts.

Hey, things are, uh, really that bad, huh?

Half of the plainclothes force is out with, uh, the flu.

That's an epidemic.

Not quite. It's not official yet, but close.

In any case they're, uh, sending a nurse down

from the Board of Health to, uh, give us all shots.

Shots?

Yeah, the swine flu vaccine.

You mean, uh, needles?

Yeah.

You're all welcome to use the couch in my office

if anybody wants to take a nap.

Not me.

Barn, uh...

Barn, how come they don't have, uh,

pills for that sort of thing?

Medical research hasn't come up with it yet.

All they got is shots.

You mean needles.

Twelfth Precinct, Fish.

What was that?

What...?

Don't get excited.

Barney.

What's your name and address?

What's up?

Fella yelling, "Stop me before I kill."

Hello? Hello?

Married probably.

Hello? Hung up.

Uh, his name's Kopechne. Uh, this is the address he gave me.

A cooperative psychopath?

Harris, Wojo,

uh, check into that, but, uh, be careful.

Yeah, okay, Barney.

Uh, and pick up some coffee.

Uh, 2 pounds, drip grind.

Hey, man, look.

I got to go out into the dark streets of this asylum

to try and find some wacko who's threatening to go off

on a killing binge and you expect me to remember

to pick up 2 pounds of coffee, drip grind?

Sorry.

Write it down, man.

All right, stick with him and, uh, take care though, huh?

All right.

Well, it appears Kopechne wasn't, uh, armed.

But the minute he saw the squad car he took off into...

Fish?

Fish, you all right?

Yeah, good night, Barney.

Good idea. Check out and go get some sleep, huh?

Who, me?

No, no, no, I... I'm fine.

Come on, what are you talking about?

You haven't been home in 16 hours.

I'm okay, I can stay away from home as long as anybody.

Longer.

We have a robbery here, captain.

Mr. and Mrs. Fuller, from Denver.

I'll take care of it, sir.

We've been in town 10 minutes.

Held up at gunpoint.

Some vacation.

Welcome to New York, Fullers.

Stick 'em up, tourists.

It's our first visit here.

I know just how you feel.

Well, we did plan a trip last year,

but I was having female trouble.

I know how that feels too.

We were supposed to take a cruise,

but we had to get off of the boat.

My wife here gets seasick.

So here we are.

Well, uh, have a seat, will you?

Oh. And, uh,

you can tell me exactly what happened.

Well, I... I just couldn't keep anything down.

Not even water.

- Captain Miller? - Yeah, right here.

Miss Jackson, Board of Health.

Oh, is that for me?

No, just police officers.

Inoculations.

Is there anything you need?

Just some space and some bodies.

Uh, how about over here?

Oh, excuse me, what are the inoculations for?

Swine flu.

Oh, nothing for arthritis?

I'm afraid not.

Never hurts to ask.

We were in a cab

on our way from the airport to the hotel,

when this guy pulls a gun on us.

Wait, wait, wait, who's "this guy"?

The cabdriver.

And you wouldn't believe it

because he seemed like a very nice person.

That should have tipped you off.

He got everything we had.

Luggage, jewelry, cash, even our travelers checks.

Well, at least those are refundable.

Oh, no, they're not.

Because he got our list of all the check numbers too.

Karl never mentions that.

Okay, right here, Mr. Fuller.

Nick. YEMANA: Yeah.

Check, uh, stolen taxicabs.

Right.

Yellow cab?

Why, yes, how did you know?

Experience.

Sergeant Phillip K. Fish?

Yeah.

You're first on the list.

Okay.

But these things don't do much good for me.

It could keep you a little healthier.

Compared to what?

Where would you like to get it?

In the arm for a change.

Ah!

Thank you, Miss Nurse.

My pleasure. Captain, you're next.

How was it? Extremely painful.

What are the odds that, uh, this thing

is gonna keep me from getting flu?

What are the odds that those people

are gonna recover their property?

That bad, huh?

I was trying to pay you a compliment.

Leave the miracles for medicine.

Barney.

Ah!

Uh, got a cab reported stolen yesterday.

There's an APB on it, no trace yet.

All right, stay with it. - All right.

I think you're next, Nick.

Oh, yeah...

Sergeant Yemana.

Sergeant Yemana?

Yep.

Have you ever had jaundice?

No, I lost my tan.

This ain't no city no more, man.

It's just one big cuckoo clock.

What happened? Where's Wojo?

Downstairs with that crazy mother, Kopechne.

Look at this suit.

Two hundred and fifty bucks

and I got dirt and grass stains everywhere.

Harris, I know how much you and your wardrobe

have always meant to each other, but what happened?

Look, we chased Kopechne into Central Park.

And when we finally caught him,

he was laying on the ground, kicking and growling

and clawing at the dirt.

Growling?

What the hell is that?

It's Kopechne, Barney.

He's a werewolf.

I better put some papers down in the cage.

Oh, I tell you, man, I am fed up.

I did not become a detective to spend my evenings

rolling around in the grass with some Twinkie.

Where's the coffee?

I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.

Hello, there.

You must be the nurse.

Wojciehowicz?

Hardly.

All right, come on, in here.

And, uh, keep it down, huh?

I really can't help it, it just comes out.

Yeah, sure, right.

This is our, uh, man?

Stefan Kopechne, captain.

Guess what he thinks he is?

A werewolf.

Right.

Uh, that was him howling down there.

I was hoping it wasn't one of ours.

Thank God you got me.

Thank God I'm off the streets.

Sit down.

Aren't you gonna lock me up?

Just sit down. The sooner I'm behind bars,

the better off you'll be. Just sit down, Mr. Kopechne.

In a few minutes we'll get the information.

Oh, all right, but we don't have a lot of time.

There's a full moon tonight.

So?

You're not Romanian, are you?

Wojciehowicz. It's Polish.

Well, then you wouldn't understand.

Just take my word for it.

My great-grandfather was born in the Carpathian Mountains.

When the moon was full,

no one would come within a mile of him.

You spell it the same way it sounds.

Wojciehowicz.

He was cursed.

And he passed the curse on to me.

Mr. Kopechne, are you under a doctor's care?

What do you think this is?

Some kind of take-two-aspirin-

and-call-me-in-the-morning situation?

I'm a werewolf, damn it!

Don't you understand?

How are you?

A werewolf.

And you didn't want to go to Yellowstone

on account of the bears.

You've gotta believe me, captain, you gotta believe me.

I... I believe you, Mr. Kopechne, I believe you.

Oh, thank you.

A man wouldn't lie about a thing like that.

Nick, call Bellevue.

Barney, there really is a full moon tonight.

Just make the call.

You know, I probably don't even need this.

I mean, I'm a very healthy individual.

Quit flexing.

Flexing...? Who's flexing?

That's my natural state.

That's better.

You know, uh, in about 45 minutes or so I'll be off

and, uh, you know, couple hours' sleep,

I'll be ready for almost anything.

I'll bet you would.

I take it you're Wojciehowicz?

Uh, yeah, that's right.

Is that a date?

No, thanks.

Roll up your sleeve.

Uh, I'm sorry, I got some important

official business here...

Wojo, it'll only take second.

But, Barn, there's a dangerous man sitting there.

We could have been finished already.

Look, I...

Those needles don't bother me any more

than they bother anybody else.

I...

I don't wanna lose my train of thought, that's all.

Can you do something else until Detective Wojciehowicz

completes his interrogation?

Sure, how many men you got downstairs?

About 25.

The good stuff's up here on the second floor.

Grab the bag.

Yes, ma'am.

Hey, uh, Barney, I'm gonna, uh, give her a hand, you know, uh,

Board of Health?

It's only fair. Hey.

Uh, occupation?

Shipping clerk.

They don't even suspect down in the office.

They think I'm just Kopechne in Receiving.

Quiet, courteous, somewhat attractive.

Date of birth?

The night of September 13th, 1943.

There was a full moon.

Uh, I think I'm gonna lock you up in the cage.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, Barn. Yeah?

Uh, I'm gonna go downstairs and check Kopechne for priors.

Okay, fine.

Werewolf.

Some nutcake, huh, Barn?

Probably.

I mean, uh, that stuff about the full moon.

Uh, teeth growing, hair growing.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Wojo.

He ain't even a husky.

These are good, strong bars, I hope.

Adequate, Mr. Kopechne. Adequate.

What time is it?

Eleven o'clock.

I don't have much time.

Neither do I.

Wonderful, it's now an official epidemic.

That does us no good here.

My men have now been working over 24 hours.

I know, you're doing the best you can.

We'll hang in there.

Yes, sir.

Uh, Barn, I... I checked Kopechne for priors and he's clean.

Fine.

Hey, uh, Barn, about that, uh, shot stuff,

uh... You better get it quick.

Yeah, uh, I thought I'd just pass.

Pass? What are you talking about?

Didn't you just hear? There's an official epidemic.

Um, Barn...

I got this thing about, uh, needles.

That's because you're tired.

No, it's not.

Wojo, you gotta get the shot.

If you don't get the shot, you risk getting sick

and you'll subject your fellow officers to the same risk.

You gotta get the shot.

I'll faint.

Is that a threat?

It's a fact.

What are you talking about? You were in the Marine Corp.

You... You had shots all the time.

I fainted all the time.

It was embarrassing.

Guys standing around making stupid jokes.

Wojo, you're gonna get the shot and you're not gonna faint.

Suppose I do?

Then you won't hear the jokes.

Barney. Huh?

Manhattan South,

I think they've located, uh, the Fullers' cab.

Oh, wonderful.

At least somebody's working.

Fish.

Hello, hello.

You all right?

Wonderful.

All right, take the, uh, Fullers down to Manhattan South.

Why not?

We think we may have located all your possessions.

Why... Why that's incredible.

Just another day in the New York City Police Department.

Thank you.

Pleasure meeting you. Likewise, captain.

Come on, Pearl.

Pearl?

Oh, what...? What time is it?

Um, 10 to 12.

Oh, can't we stay just 10 minutes longer?

What for?

I think I saw his eyebrows grow bushier.

Oh.

Uh, look, uh...

A nice quiet lunch, uh...

An attractive, little out-of-the-way, uh...

I don't eat lunch.

Dinner?

Breakfast?

Dinner and breakfast?

Look, Harris, it happens I think you're a very attractive fella.

But I can't get involved.

Well, you ain't trying.

I'm gonna get engaged.

Oh, yeah?

Who's the lucky fella?

A doctor named Friedman.

Or a doctor named Engelberg,

I haven't made up my mind yet.

You're putting me on.

Are you ready?

Yeah.

Roll up your sleeve.

Uh, could we do it in the captain's office?

Forget it, she's engaged.

Hey, hey, Nick,

she's get... She's getting married to a Jewish doctor.

Lucky dog.

Anybody have the time?

Uh, a little before midnight.

Oh, my God.

You feeling all right, Mr. Kopechne?

I don't know. I'm... I'm starting to feel strange.

You look fine. Don't he look fine?

I don't know.

Why don't you go take a look? Not me.

It happens slowly. Sometimes it's hard to notice at first.

You... T-t-t-take it easy.

I'm starting to itch.

Oh, that's normal around here.

We... We...

It's like all the hair on my legs is wriggling.

Oh, no, don't do that, that just... Just...

It aggravates it, don't, don't, don't.

I feel hot.

And my teeth hurt.

And my tongue is sweating.

Try not to talk.

I gotta get out of here.

I need air.

Let me out of this cage.

Hey, look, man, we can't do that.

Let me out of the cage!

Uh, how...? How abou some water?

I don't want any water!

I wanna go home!

I've gotta get some sleep and then I gotta go to work!

Barney?

Work, work.

Look, I gotta get out of here.

I gotta get out of here. That phone call of mine.

It was all a mistake.

It was a joke.

It was a joke.

Hey, look, look, look, man, take it easy, man.

Barney!

Let me out of here!

Out! I want to get out!

Out. Out.

Let me out of here.

Down, down, down, Mr. Kopechne, down.

Barney?

What the hell is going on in here?

Cut that out!

It's a police station, not a horror movie.

He's starting to change, I swear.

What change?

Get down from there.

Take a good look. Hair's growing out of his face.

It's called a beard.

Haven't you ever seen one before?

Not in my family.

Uh, we're here for a Stefan Kopechne.

Yeah, he's over there.

What's his problem?

He's a werewolf.

Okay, Mr. Kopechne.

Go.

Am I going with them?

Yes, they're gonna take you to see a doctor.

It's a waste of time.

It's the moon, it drives me crazy.

Something does it to all of us every once in a while.

With you it's the moon. With me, it's the accordion.

Doctors don't know anything about this.

It's a very rare disease.

You don't see a lot of lycanthropy around anymore.

Well, then somebody must be making progress,

wouldn't you say?

I never thought of that.

Good luck, Mr. Kopechne.

Okay, here we go, no biting.

Don't patronize me.

I'm cursed.

I'm not stupid.

Where's Wojo?

He's in your office, getting his shot.

Well, good news, gentlemen.

Relief has arrived. You can all go home.

Oh, beautiful. Oh, about time.

Excuse me, I'm gonna need some cold towels and a blanket.

He fainted?

I'm afraid so.

I'll get it.

No jokes.

Night, Barn.

You okay?

Yeah.

You say something?

Hey, look, no jokes, man.

Listen...

I mean, everybody gets queasy about something.

With you, it's, uh, needles.

With me... Jewish doctors.

Come on, Wojo.

Good night, Barn.

Good night.

- Good night, Fish. - Good night.

Good night.

Good night, Wojo.

Good night, gentlemen.

Miss Jackson, thank you for your patience.

My pleasure.

Which way are you going?

Down.

Hey, look, maybe I should, uh, walk you to the subway.

I mean, it is a full moon and, uh, you know, like that.

Up to you.

Shalom, guys.

Never say die.

Fish. Yeah.

You can go home now.

You know, it's strange, I think that I'm actually

looking forward to seeing Bernice.

Well, then it must be true:

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

So a little longer wouldn't hurt.