Original subtitles

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am. Y-Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am.

Yeah.

We will definitely be open this weekend.

I personally won't be here, but someone will be.

Unless the weather's especially nice.

No, it's miserable.

Yes, ma'am. I don't mean in here. I mean out there.

Sorry for the interruption.

Yeah, yeah. Could we speed this up a little?

I got a job to get back to.

Yeah. Address?

Hotel Greenwich, Room 325.

You know, this is entrapment, what you cops did.

Birth date?

Uh, February 12, postwar.

1920... '43!

Listen, I wasn't doing anything wrong.

I was just talking to him.

What did you ask him for 60 bucks for?

On a whim.

Occupation?

Human relations consultant.

Just put it down.

Ah!

Hey, what time you got, Fish?

Quarter to 5.

Oh, man, I wanna get home fast tonight.

Aren't you lucky?

You see, I'm taking this very, very special young lady

to the theater tonight.

I had to pay a scalper 75 bucks for the tickets,

you know, because she's really dying to see this show,

you know, but I figured it would be worth it,

just to get our relationship started off on the right track.

I'm hoping she'll be grateful all weekend,

you know what I mean?

You must be telling me all this

because there's no one else available.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Harris? Do me a favor. Yeah, Barney.

Could you find the, uh, Criminal Procedure Code

and, uh, would you file this for me?

Sure, right away, Barn.

And would you do something about the way you look?

Me? What's the matter with me?

You're kempt, Harris.

It's 90 degrees.

The rest of us are wrinkled, dripping wet.

You're making us look bad.

I'll try, Barney, but, uh,

you're making it pretty rough.

Over here. Hey, give me a break,

I think I'm having a stroke.

Yeah, right. What do we got here?

His name is, uh, Phillip Dupree.

Tried to rip off a warehouse over by the river.

I wasn't stealing. I didn't feel good.

I was just looking for a place to lie down.

Yeah. Breaking into a box of radios.

I was getting some excelsior to make a bed.

He tried to jump in the river.

This man may have saved your life.

Why? I can swim.

In that river, you don't drown, you dissolve.

Barney?

That's the only ID he had on him.

Passport?

Hey, is it always this hot in here?

No, it usually cools down around the middle of November.

Hey, could I get something cold? I'm burning up.

Hold on.

Thailand?

Hong Kong.

Pakistan. Ethiopia.

Monaco.

You really get around, Mr. Dupree. I envy you.

Yeah, well, I don't like to be tied down.

You know, trapped in one place.

I gotta be free, like an eagle.

You know what I mean?

You talking to me?

Hey, uh, Dupree, what's your address?

Oh, various.

Your last address.

27 Che Guevara Plaza. Luanda, Angola.

Third floor, rear.

Here, try this.

Coffee?

If you're gonna cool off, you drink something hot.

It's physics.

Where'd you learn that?

It was on the back of a jar of coffee.

Fish?

Yeah.

Give me a hand with these precinct reports.

I wanna get out of here early tonight.

Oh, you got something special planned for tonight?

As soon as I get home and packed,

Liz and I are off to this little hotel,

south shore of Jersey,

just the two of us, couple of days.

Sounds very nice. Mm.

How about you and Bernice? Got some plans?

Yeah. She's got hers and I got mine.

Okay, Dupree, come on, on your feet.

Come on. All right.

Hey, I don't feel so...

Wojo, get a doctor.

Give me your coat.

It was a fresh pot.

Kogen, get a medical person down here, will you?

Ah, I'm burning up!

What do you say, doc?

He's running almost 104. I need some cold compresses.

We've got some towels, don't we?

We had one, but the nap wore off four years ago.

It'll do fine. Get it.

No good. We threw it away. It cracked.

Bring anything. Rags, paper towels, cold water.

Hey, listen.

Listen, you run this place. Can't you help me?

Look, not now, please. Not now.

Oh, great. Wonderful.

Hey, when can I get out of here?

My time is valuable. As is ours.

Not like hers.

Listen, can't you finish writing me up?

Sorry, we work on commission.

You got a sense of humor.

That always turns a woman on.

How long you been a cop?

I was the first.

Look, I'm telling you it's all right.

I don't like this place.

Well, he helped us the last time, didn't he?

Yes, but he didn't enjoy it.

Oh, God. We've walked in on a purge.

Marty, what can we do for you?

May we see Captain Miller?

He's busy. He'll be right with you.

Oh, please no!

Why don't we come back sometime when he isn't working?

Has there been an accident?

Uh, not that we've seen anything.

You mean him? No, he just sort of collapsed.

I've heard of that.

He's running a fever. Doctor's having a look at him.

Tension.

Fear of death, that sort of thing.

Barn, no paper towels,

but I found pair of socks in my locker.

Guess he was sick, huh? Yeah.

Finish booking him and make out a transfer sheet

in case we have to send him to the hospital.

Uh, good afternoon.

Oh, hello, Marty. Hello, captain.

Uh...

Mr. Driscoll and I would like a few moments of your time.

You remember Mr. Driscoll. Driscoll.

Captain Miller. Detective Wojciehowicz.

Oh, uh, yeah. Hi, how you doing?

Just the same. Ha-ha. You haven't changed.

Uh... Me? No, I haven't changed.

I ain't never gonna change.

Charming.

Could we see you in your office, captain?

Certainly. Certainly.

Hey, uh, buddy, how do you get an outside line here?

Uh, dial 9. Uh, doc, what...?

What do you think he's got?

Thank you.

I'm gonna need a large piece of cardboard.

What for? And a marking pen.

Why? What...? What are you gonna do?

With a big wide point.

What's he need cardboard and a marking pen for?

I don't know. I ain't a doctor.

"Supreme Court upholds anti-gay statute."

Nine old men who dress up in black robes,

and they say we're peculiar.

"Defers to states' rights."

Yes, I'm familiar with this decision. What about it?

We wanna go to California.

San Francisco, actually.

Darryl used to live there.

The gay community is prominently represented in industry,

business, city government,

the police force. Just like everywhere else.

But the law is fair and sophisticated.

We have been accepted in California.

There's still a few hostile areas.

Uh, Fresno, San Clemente.

Okay, if you think you'll be happier in California,

by all means, goodbye and good luck.

Well, there's only one trouble.

I'm still on probation for shoplifting.

Have you spoken to your probation officer

for permission to leave?

Well, I was hoping you'd speak to him first.

I need someone for a character reference.

Character? Me?

Marty, I've had you arrested six times.

I need someone who's known me for two years.

Barney?

Barney, we're being quarantined.

Quarantined? What for?

I don't know. The doctor's putting a sign up right now.

My bail ticket is on its way over. I wanna get out of here.

Not now!

Have some more of these made up

and put them at every entrance on this floor.

Look, what have we got?

Well, I'm not sure yet. Well, what do you suspect?

Well, according to the symptoms, other indications,

could be one of two things: chicken pox or smallpox.

Smallpox? Smallpox?

Oh, God, I already have a bad complexion.

Does that mean we gotta stay here all night?

What? You mean we can't go home?

Don't get excited until we know that it's true.

That's exactly the situation.

Till we know what we're dealing with,

no one goes in or out of this room.

Oh, man!

You people and your flimsy constitutions!

But we can't all sleep up here.

We'll be jammed together like sardines.

Uh, Barn? Uh...

I can't stay cooped up here all night.

Ah, relax. Uh, can't...

Can't we just wash and sneak out the back way or something?

Just relax. Just take it easy.

Take it easy. There's nothing we can do about this,

so let's just get organized

and try and make it a little more comfortable for everyone.

Get Kogen on the phone. Tell him nobody comes in or out.

And tell him, uh, downstairs in the storeroom

there are some cots.

We'll need blankets and pillows.

Uh, have them stack it outside the door.

We'll need it for three, six... There'll be eight of us.

Boys. Hi, Barney.

Come on, what's this? Some kind of joke?

Nine.

Yeah, mm-hm. Bernice... Bernice,

it's by order of the Health Department. What can I do?

I'll come home when they lift the quarantine.

Yes, Bernice, I realize this is the first time

since we're married we've slept apart.

The change will do us both good.

All right.

Doc, I don't seem to be getting through to you.

I got a lot of precincts out there to worry about.

I ain't been in here long enough to catch a cold.

- Excuse me, captain. - Yeah?

Where else could this man

have come in close contact with anyone?

Wojo.

Now, what did you do with Dupree

from the minute you picked him up?

Well, I put him the car. Were you alone?

No, I had two uniforms.

And then?

Uh, I brought him right here.

Uh, brought him in, we booked him downstairs,

uh, took him, we gave him mug shots, fingerprints...

He's been throughout the building.

Well, you say, "If you're gonna do something, do it right.

Nothing half..." Right, right right!

I'm gonna have to quarantine the whole building.

The whole precinct?

We're not fooling around with athlete's foot here, buddy.

I'm gonna take Dupree down to the hospital.

Well, what about us? Don't we get any shots, pills?

No. Advice?

Well, if it turns out to be smallpox

and you've been inoculated, you should be okay.

If you haven't, it wouldn't help anyway.

Barn, I don't know if I've been inoculated. Have you?

Sure, but not since the Army.

That long ago.

There is one more thing. What's that?

Who's paying for this?

The city.

I was afraid of that.

Smallpox, eh?

Why don't you take a bath once in a while?

Well, look, did she say where she was going?

Look, I'm supposed to meet her

at the theater tonight at 8:00.

Is she coming back?

Well, look, if she does,

tell her to call me at the 12th, okay?

Yeah, thanks.

Oh, man. This is blowing my whole weekend, man.

Might not be so bad. You play klabiash?

Yemana. Oh, Barney.

Ah? Yeah, thanks, Kogen.

Kogen's got the stuff out.

Oh, good. Bring it in.

Harris, will you give Nick a hand?

Oh, yeah. Sure, Barney.

Wojo, might as well take a run down to the desk.

Tell them to put up some signs, close the doors.

Tell them we're temporarily out of business.

All right, Barn. Uh, hey,

are you kidding me? Am I really stuck here for the night?

That's the way it looks.

You been inoculated?

For what?

Smallpox.

Oh. Oh, uh... Let me check my list.

That's the way it goes, huh Barney? I'll be in your office.

Sure.

Uh, excuse...

Excuse me. Ha-ha.

Well, uh, looks like we're all gonna be roughing it

here together for tonight, huh? Mm.

My name's Luger, Frank Luger, inspector.

Uh, Darryl Driscoll. Driscoll, how you doing?

Hey, nice sweater.

Oh, thank you. Hand-crocheted.

Give me that again?

I said, it's hand-crocheted, from Italy.

I thought so.

I finally got somebody to feed the dog and put out the lights.

Good. Oh, this is my friend, Marty Morrison. Inspector...?

Luger, Luger. Frank Luger, N.Y.P.D.

My pleasure.

Likewise, I'm sure.

Excuse me.

Barney? What?

Where'd you pick up the Lavender Hill Mob?

Uh, they were just visiting.

I told him I liked his sweater.

Pretty close, huh?

I'll be in your office. Cover me.

Italy, hm?

Okay, hang on.

Kogen's holding. How's it going down there?

Little panic. Nothing serious.

He wants to know whether he can have his blankets,

cots and pillows back again. Tell him no.

You sure? There are 80 men down there.

They're armed.

There are plenty to go around down there.

We're responsible for the well-being

of the civilians in our custody.

Something smells like World War II.

Sorry.

What are we gonna do about food?

Oh, headquarters will probably send something.

They won't.

Call Grossman's. Order enough sandwiches for everybody,

something to drink.

That's almost 200 sandwiches. Okay.

You got any money?

Sign for it.

I'll give him an official, uh, Police Department voucher.

That'll fool him.

Nothing for smallpox.

Sorry.

Well, listen, you can't figure on everything.

Hey, man, listen, it's a beautiful show, man.

Yeah, I got fantastic seats, and, look,

all I'm asking is what I paid for the seats.

Huh?

Seventy-five dollars.

H-Hello? Hello?

Cretin.

Hi.

Hello.

I'm Polly Kapshaw.

How do you do?

What's your name?

Fish.

Fish what?

Phillip K. Fish.

You married, Phil?

Completely.

I was married once.

I didn't like it.

Oh, that's a darned shame.

Mm, yeah, we got a divorce after five months.

Well,

some of us are more fortunate than others.

Yeah, man. Look, okay, look, here's what you do.

You meet a Miss Regina Gregory at the box office at 8:00.

Yeah, explain to her what happened

and give her one of the tickets. Yeah, hey, look,

just scalp that other one off for whatever you can get, huh?

Hey, man, listen, don't be telling me about what's illegal.

I am a police officer.

Harris, you ever gonna get off that phone?

Oh. Yeah, sure, Barney.

All right, let's everybody grab a cot. Come on.

It's not that hard to put together. Let's go.

Come on. What are we supposed to do?

Find someplace where you think you'll be comfortable.

We have. California.

Marty, just think of this

as a temporary setback.

Put the cot wherever you think it'll fit, okay?

Where? Anywhere.

You can't go downstairs. It's too crowded.

Stay off the stairways and the fire exits, okay?

What about your office?

There's only room for one cot plus the couch,

and with inspector Luger here... You know, protocol.

Well, chacun à son goût.

Barney?

What kind of a relationship is that, you know?

Two men should have for each other like that?

It's weird, huh?

Wouldn't you think they'd try and follow the examples

set by nice guys like you and me? Hm?

I mean, you know, we're friends,

but there's nothing filthy about it, right, Barn?

What do you suppose is wrong with them?

Well, a lot of different theories, inspector.

Most doctors would say it has to do with family relationships.

A... A... A very weak father. Ah!

Ah, that's what saved me, Barney.

My old man was tough as nails, you know?

We got out of line, we didn't say, "yes, sir, no sir,"

backhand would knock you half across the room.

Ooh-hoo. My old man was tough.

Not as tough as my mother.

Uh, Barn? BARNEY: Yeah?

Excuse me. Uh, I found smallpox in the dictionary.

Uh, it won't be necessary, Wojo.

Uh, Barn. "Smallpox:

"An acute, highly contagious, sometimes fatal disease

"caused by a virus and characterized

"by an inflammatory fever

"and the eruption of deep-seated pustules

that leave permanent scars."

Thank you.

Wait till you hear what pustules are.

No. It won't be necessary.

Barn...

I think I'll recognize it when I see them.

Barney, it says you can die from it. All right.

You must be joking. You can die?

All right, let's just take it easy.

Let's not dwell on it.

I mean, we don't even know if the man had it.

Besides, if you've been inoculated you're probably safe.

Oh, have we been inoculated?

Mine's run out. I haven't been to Europe for seven years.

Oh.

You've been to Europe?

Uh, Nick? Yeah?

What do you think the odds are of a guy having smallpox?

Oh, 100-to-1.

Hm.

See, uh, the thing is Nick,

I was all over the guy, you know?

Don't worry about it.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it appears we're gonna be spending the next 24 hours or so

in each other's company.

Now, it's hot, it's uncomfortable,

so let's try to make it as easy as possible on one another.

Let's keep a happy thought.

Let's not just sit around staring at one another.

Let's try to be constructive.

Well, it's a start.