Original subtitles

This city's gonna be under three feet of water

before this thing lets up.

"Hurricane Dottie heads toward New England."

Okay, who's got duty this week?

Uh, everybody but Dietrich.

Um, he's in court. And Wojo is going

to Manhattan South to be public information officer

for four days, starting tomorrow.

Okay.

How's it going, Fish?

Terrible.

You know anything about these, Barney?

Clocks or women?

Pick one and help me.

Send it to the jeweler.

Okay. But what about the clock?

Now, there you got me.

Boy, you guys aren't gonna believe this one.

There's 11 million people in this city, right?

There's nothing in here about getting them all out.

Good morning, Wojo.

Oh. Oh, good morning, Barn.

You were saying?

Uh... Oh, yeah. Uh,

I'm talking about evacuation, Barn.

There's... There's nothing in here about getting 'em out.

Well, what is that?

It's the grey book manual.

I'm gonna be public information officer

for the rest of the week.

"Procedures in the Event of Civil Disasters."

Mm-hm.

You know something we don't know?

Well, we're... We're gonna have a hurricane,

and... And they're evacuating all the beach areas

in Long Island.

Hey, it's no wonder, man.

With all that raw sewage

just, uh, hanging around there offshore.

They're expecting 40-foot waves.

Whoo-wee.

Talk about high tide.

Harris, suppose all that stuff blew into the harbor and...

And, uh, got all over Manhattan.

Now, that would be a disaster wouldn't it?

Depends upon your point of view.

Well, I hope nothing happens in this city

where we gotta get the people out,

because there's no way of doing it if it does.

Wojo, you can't evacuate a whole city

because a sewer backs up.

You take shorter breaths and quicker steps.

Hey-ey, what do you say? Phew.

You want to talk about a storm?

We already talked about it.

So, what's happening, Callahan?

You know that Lt. Stanfield over at the 1-4?

No.

You know the wife of the late

watch commander over at the 3-6?

No.

Oh, yeah.

Well, here's your APBs,

your interdepartmental communiqués,

your directives,

and your assorted official garbage.

Oh, yeah.

You know, we could have a big problem on our hands.

Hey, look, it ain't our problem.

I mean, if a guy's wife wants to play around on him,

I mean, there ain't nothing we can do about it.

Whose wife?

Which precinct?

Look, the man is talking about national emergency,

not local, uh, slap and tickle.

What kind of emergency?

Like a... A war.

What kind of war?

A big war.

A-a nuclear war.

And we had to evacuate the whole city.

Okay.

Okay. You guys on motorcycles. You're...

You're trained in crowd control, right?

Right.

What are you gonna do with, uh, 11 million people?

Eleven million?

Mm-hm.

Well, you get out there and you say,

"Keep moving, keep moving ."

Hey, come on, Wojo.

There's not gonna be another war anyway, man.

I mean, it just doesn't make any sense

economically, psychologically or geographically.

Okay, uh, it doesn't have to be a war.

It... It could be an earthquake.

Oh, it's a pretty slim chance, man.

But it's a chance.

You know, Harris, things have a way of happening,

just all of a sudden, when...

When you least expect it.

Right, Fish?

Right.

Okay. What's the book say?

That's it. The book don't say nothing

about getting people out.

It... It says to put 'em down in the subway.

You can't get no 11 million people in the subways.

You can at 5:00.

Hello, Callahan. What do we got today?

Oh, the usual. Usual, captain.

You got your bulletins. Got your hot sheets.

So, uh... So that's the way it is, huh?

What way is that?

Uh, I mean, we're all sitting ducks.

Trapped here on an island.

It's better than the South Bronx.

I mean, you know,

like he says, probably nothing's...

Nothing's gonna happen.

But suppose something does happen, you know,

like a war.

Like a earthquake, like he says.

Yeah. or... Or a tidal wave, Barn.

Did you have a fight with your girlfriend, Wojo?

No. I'm just trying to do my job.

Heh-heh, boy.

You think you got a future one minute,

next thing you know,

they drop one of them H-bombs on your head,

and that's all she wrote.

Damn it, I should have bought that cabin in Jersey.

I wouldn't worry about it, Callahan.

If we're ground zero,

everything from here to Philadelphia goes.

Cripe, pete's... How far does a guy gotta go?

Detroit.

Really?

Yeah.

That's why General Motors picked that place, man.

They can't be risking all them cars.

Excuse me.

Twelfth precinct, Harris.

Wojo.

Wojo, you're getting obsessed with that.

Now, will you put that thing away

and get to work on something you can do something about?

Okay, Barn, but...

I... I'd just like to know the procedures

in case the siren goes off.

What siren? We don't have a siren.

There's supposed to be a siren up on the roof.

All right. Suppose there is a siren up there.

And suppose it does go off. Uh-huh.

Then we will cooperate with the Civil Defense Department,

do whatever they say, because it is their ball game.

There is no more Civil Defense Department, Barn.

The city couldn't afford to keep it going any longer.

All right, you... You've unearthed a problem.

And you've reported it to your superior officer.

Will you let me handle it? File that.

Okay, Barn.

Uh, Barney?

Yeah.

Uh, I got a call from a pawnshop over on 15th.

They got a young kid in there who's trying to unload

some stuff that doesn't belong to him.

"Kid." Whatever happened to selling newspapers?

Can't hock a paper route.

Well... Uh... Fish?

Yeah?

Would you like some fresh air?

I'd appreciate it.

Okay, go with Harris.

A pawnshop on 15th Street.

My pleasure.

Are you sure?

What?

That there ain't no way

to get out of this city if we have to?

No way.

Does anybody else know that?

Beats me.

You, uh, ready, Fish?

Yeah.

Uh, did Barney say a...

A pawnshop?

Yeah, on 15th Street. Let's go.

Oh, no. I don't have an extra grey book, Callahan.

I only got the one copy.

Try the 3-3. Or try Manhattan South.

They gotta have a couple of extra copies.

Yeah, right. Okay.

Hey, uh, Barn. Um, that was Callahan.

And, uh, ha-ha, he's over at the 2-7.

And, uh, he... He, uh, told them

what I said about civil disaster,

and they don't know what to do either.

You have any bulbs?

Bulbs? Yeah, bulbs.

Uh... no.

Call Beckman. Tell him the light in my office went out.

Okay.

Oh, Nick, we got any bulbs?

Nope. I've been using a flashlight.

Okay, young lady. Step right inside here.

How long do I have to stay here?

Oh, till we talk over a little business.

I didn't do nothing. How come you're picking on me?

Oh, you know how it is with us cops.

We all hate kids.

It's my junk. Why can't I sell it?

My very words.

Okay, young lady.

Is this, uh... This your horn?

Yeah.

How about it? Want to play us a little tune?

I ain't in the mood.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Ladies.

I understand something's not up to par on these premises.

We need one of them bulbs in the bathroom.

Why? Did you lose something?

I'm ruining my eyes reading with this flashlight.

You know, they do look sort of funny.

You shouldn't squint.

This isn't a squint.

This is a squint.

Oh, yeah.

Hi, captain.

Hello, Beckman.

I'll fix your bathroom immediately.

Okay. How's your office?

Oh. Change the bulb in there, will ya?

Twenty-five watts is for bats.

All right, sit down over there.

Is this the, uh, pawnshop caper?

Yeah. Says her name is Jilly.

"Jilly." Is that short for Jillian?

Nah. It's instead of Shirley.

Shirley what?

Pappalardo. And I didn't steal that stuff.

Silverware, transistor radio.

It's mine.

And, uh, the ring too?

Yeah.

"Knights of Columbus."

I got it for Columbus Day.

And I suppose these are your baby teeth?

Yeah. They all fell out at once.

Dental humor.

Ever been arrested before, Jilly?

I'm not sure.

All right, sit down over there.

Harris, I'm afraid we've got a woman with a past.

I'll, uh, check her out, Barney.

Where do you live, kid?

Manhattan.

Oh, you're gonna make it tough, huh?

My grandfather was a cop.

Who asked you?

You sure you want a light on in there?

Uh... I don't mind.

It's your life.

Listen, uh, Beckman. We got a siren up on the roof?

Yeah. But it don't work.

Why not? It's supposed to.

What are you worried about?

The minute we have another war, I'll fix it.

Hey. Hey, you listen.

That... That siren is supposed to be

kept in good working order.

It... It's supposed to be checked once in a while.

Okay, okay. Don't shoot.

Captain.

Hello, Creavey. What can we do for you?

We got 65 men on the first watch.

How many you want to keep for double shift?

What double shift?

Well, we heard some kind of news about some kind of disaster.

Guys figured they'd pick up a little overtime.

Uh, haven't heard a thing, Creavey.

No disaster?

Sorry.

No, that's okay. It's all right.

Listen, you'll be the first to know.

Yeah, sure. Uh...

we'll be just right downstairs.

Oh, captain.

Do we have anything called a "grey book?"

See Wojciehowicz.

Where's your father?

Elmira.

That's a prison.

No kidding.

Where's your mother?

California.

I thought you said you live with your parents.

I do.

Earl and Velma and Fred.

They got five other kids.

We're a group home.

Ooh, that's disgusting.

It's a city project, Fish.

Social Services Department.

Uh, Barney, I checked with Children's Center.

She does have priors.

On probation, huh?

Yeah, she's a ward of the court.

She lives in what they call a group home.

Fish.

Her parents dead?

Father is in Elmira.

Yeah, five-to-life.

The last time her mother was heard from,

she was living in San Diego,

going steady with an aircraft carrier.

Who runs that home?

Ah, house parents. You know.

The city pays adults to live in with the kids.

Some people do anything for money.

Ahem.

Ah, see if you can get anybody on the phone.

Tried, Barn. There's no answer.

All right, keep trying. All right.

Fish, you take the kid and, uh, check the place out.

Yeah. Okay, kid.

You're going to take a ride.

Where are we going?

To your house.

What for? You're not gonna like it.

Don't worry about it.

I don't like much anyway.

All right.

Hi. Hi.

Oh. Cute kid. What do I care?

Barney, can I talk to you in your office?

What's up?

I'm not sure yet, Barney.

What do you hear?

Rumors.

Biggies.

What's up, inspector?

Barney, uh, you got any plans for evacuating the area?

You mean the building?

I mean the whole precinct.

Whole precinct? That's two square miles. Sh.

Keep it down, Barney, will you?

What's happening?

Oh, I can't tell you that, Barney.

How come?

Well, the truth is I don't know myself,

you see, but the thing is that

we're afraid of starting any panic.

Panic? Yeah. Yeah.

You know how rumors are, Barney.

You know, somebody says something in the street.

The first thing it goes from word to mouth.

Whole city's running around, you know, screaming:

"Hey, the world's coming to an..."

Hey, who is that up there on that ladder?

Mr. Beckman, the custodian.

Deputy Inspector Luger.

Oh, it's a pleasure, sir.

Likewise, I'm sure.

Oh, Beckman. Yes, sir.

Anything you heard in here about evacuation or panic,

you keep it under your hat.

Do you understand? Oh, absolutely.

I've been associated with the police force for 20 years.

In one ear, and I forget everything.

That's good.

You're all set, captain.

All right.

Beckman.

What's going on in there? Nothing. Nothing.

Beckman, you were in there. What are they were saying?

I don't know nothing...

but I'm gonna fix the siren anyway.

Hey, Harris. Was that Inspector Luger

that just came up here?

Yeah, he's inside with the captain.

Ah, big trouble, huh?

I don't know. He didn't say.

Well, you know, the guys were just trying to pick up

a little overtime.

Well, you know, you never know.

I mean, with a little luck, the whole society

could just come apart at the seams.

Hope so.

Now, look. Now, you say

there's no way to get these people here

out of New York, huh?

Nope. No way.

Other than normal civil defense procedures.

Mm. Every man for himself, huh?

More of less, yeah.

Uh, what about Jersey?

Inspector, all we've got so far are a few rumors.

Ah, that's what I thought at first too.

Until I heard some of them politicians

talking down at city hall about protecting themselves.

Oh, yeah. You gotta be able to read the signs, Barney.

That's true.

Sure.

Well, you know, down in West Virginia,

they're scooping out a whole mountain

for the president and his bunch.

Did you know that, Barney?

In the case of emergency, you have to have some provision

for the seat of government.

That's why the most important thing for us right now

is to figure out some place

where us cops will be safe, you know?

Then once we get there, we can let some other people in.

I mean, if they get there in time,

or if there's room for 'em.

You really believe there ain't gonna be a third big war?

Hey, you kidding?

I mean, the Russians aren't gonna blow the Olympics, man.

Oh, uh, by the way, Barney, uh,

you got an extra copy of that, uh, grey book?

No, I'm sorry, we don't.

Well, I can pick one up someplace.

Sure.

What is it? Just a little grey book, eh?

Um, yeah. Pretty much.

It say anything on the front? Uh...

Here's ours, inspector. Hm?

Oh, sure it is. Thanks, Wojo.

"Procedures in the Event of Civil Disasters."

Barney, what was I telling you?

Uh, that's just was saying to Callahan a few hours ago.

Callahan? Yeah.

The big-mouth motorcycle cop? Well, I...

Huh? What, was he in here shooting off his face again?

Huh? About me and the cashier in that restaurant

over at Bensonhurst? No, no.

Yeah, well, I want you to know she's a very nice woman.

She's practically separated from her husband too.

The bigmouth.

That's how all those rumors start, Barney.

Absolutely.

Thanks, Wojo.

Can I use the phone in your office, Barney?

Be my guest.

All I was trying to do was get enough money

to keep in school for a few days.

This stuff don't mean nothing to Fred anymore.

Why didn't you tell me he was dead?

It slipped my mind.

Who's dead?

Fred.

House parent number three.

He's upstairs packed in ice cubes.

We were just trying to keep him cold

till Earl and Velma get back.

House parents number one and two are out of town.

I called Juvenile and sent the other kids

back to the Children's Center.

You didn't have to do that.

We could have took care of ourselves.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What killed Fred?

Coroner says natural causes.

You know, aggravation. Sit down!

I'm not going back to Children's Center.

Take it easy.

I hate it! I don't want to live

where you get pushed around and the food stinks.

If I can take it, you can take it.

What the hell is that?

Uh, I guess Beckman fixed the siren.

Wonderful. Just what we need at a time like this.

There, I fixed it!

Now I can't turn it off!

Only wanted to know if we had one.

All right, all right. Go find the master switch and kill it,

so we don't panic the whole precinct.

I hope you're satisfied!

Hey. Just rules and regulations.

Let's get on the phone to Dispatch.

Uh, uh, have 'em send some patrol cars

around the neighborhood with bullhorns,

telling everybody it's just a false alarm.

I hope you're right.

Creavey, there's no work! The city has nobody.

Will you get outta here?

Inspector. Yeah?

It's the commissioner.

It's for you.

Barney, it's Manhattan South.

They say our siren isn't supposed to be on.

Tell 'em "No kidding."

No kidding.

Hello, hello. This is, uh, Captain Miller here.

Yeah, what? Yes, I'm fully aware of that.

It was, uh, unintentional.

W-why has the siren gone on, Barney?

Unintentional.

It was unintentional, commissioner.

Uh, look at it as a... A... An unscheduled test.

All right, relax, relax. Take it easy.

Well, you know, there are 11 million people in this city.

And i-if something did go wrong,

there is no way of getting them out.

Are you aware of that?

Well, we have heard rumors, sir. Huh? Well, biggies.

Yeah. Unfounded?

Uh, they're all unfounded. Uh, thank you, sir.

Well, look it up in your grey book.

Grey book!

Panic? In the... In the city?

Oh, at city hall.

Oh, they all left, huh? Where'd they go?

Well, you think you can get 'em back, commissioner?

Oh, I-I certainly hope so too.

Yes, sir. Goodbye.

Heh-heh.

Well, get one and read it and learn something!

Barney, take it easy.

It... It was all talk, Barney.

It was all just loose talk.

Sure, this time. But someday!

Harris?

No, sir. Look, don't pay any attention to it.

Now, look, it was a false alarm. Right.

Believe me, there's no trouble.

It is a mistake.

The siren went on...

Yes, ma'am.

Well, I'll see you around, men.

No. No emergency. Yes, ma'am.

Twelfth precinct, Captain Miller speaking.

Oh, and listen, Barney... H-hold on, please.

Now, what I said about me and that cashier

over in Bensonhurst, you know, there's nothing to that.

Oh.

It was unfounded, Barney. All unfounded. Sure.

Keep it under your hat, will you?

I mean, don't say anything about it.

No problem. Right. Good. Fine. Thanks.

I'll see you around, boys.

Uh, 12th precinct, Captain Miller speaking.

I wouldn't lie to you.

Don't worry about it. It's a mistake.

All right, let's go.

To Children's Center?

Yep.

You mean, you're just gonna dump me?

What do you want me to do? Adopt you?

Come on, come on. Let's go.

You know, there are some women

men can never get out of their system.

Maybe someday they'll find a laxative.

I'm not gonna take you anywhere on Saturday.

I'm gonna stay home and watch the ball game.

Because I had a tough week, and I had a crazy woman

on my hands yesterday.

Twelfth precinct, Harris.

Uh, sure, yes. H-hang on a minute.

Uh, Fish. Yes?

Line two. It's Bernice.

Hang on, Jilly.

Hello, Bernice.

Yeah?

No, I don't want to go.

I'm gonna stay in bed.

Because I had a tough week, and I had a crazy woman

on my hands yesterday.

Light's on in there, Nick.

I know. I'm gonna turn it off.

Barn, did you hear about the earthquake

and tidal wave in the Philippines?

Yeah. Terrible. Terrible.

Says here the, uh, Chinese got the atom bomb.

Wojo...

Wojo, you're gonna have to learn

to live with one irrevocable fact.

And that is that if anything happens,

there is no way to get 11 million people

out of this city in a hurry.

Then what are we gonna do?

We just have to hope that mankind

never gets to that point

in their relationships where they'll allow

something like to happen.

And we have to do everything we can to prevent it.

Okay.

What do we do?

Wojo, you're making me crazy.