Original subtitles

What time is it?

Past noon.

Noon?

Why'd you get me up so early?

You said early.

Two o'clock appointment, you said.

Oh. Hell, yes.

It's a very heavy appointment.

Did I tell you that?

You don't tell me everything, you know.

It's not because I don't love you, Mabel.

Talk to me while I take a shower, will ya?

Sure.

I won't have time for breakfast.

Gotta rush.

Why don't you get up at 8:00 or 9:00

like most everybody else?

Because I'm not like most everybody else.

Would you like a little company in your shower?

Ah. Goes to prove what I've said all along.

Between and irresistible man and a beautiful woman,

a purely platonic relationship is impossible.

Step right in, Mabel.

Thank you, Mr. Wayne,

but I was referring to the redhead in the guest room.

Oh, there's a redhead in the guest room?

First redhead that's been there in more than two weeks.

Mabel, what makes you so color conscious?

I wonder.

Stop splashing that water all around.

Who do you think is gonna mop it up?

I won't.

I doubt if the redhead will,

so I guess that leaves you, my love.

Funny. I came to the same conclusion.

Mike Wayne to see Mr. Rheingold.

You don't remember me, do you, Mr. Wayne?

Scotty. My God!

Are you still here?

Three presidents, four production heads

and two conglomerates, and I'm still here.

You must be the only one.

You know the old directors building.

Mr. Rheingold's office is just at the end of the hall.

You can't miss it.

Don't see how I can. Used to be my office.

WOMAN: Mr. Rheingold's office.

Yes, I'm sorry. He's busy right now.

Can he get back to you later? All right.

I think Mr. Rheingold's expecting me. Mike Wayne.

Oh, yes, Mr. Wayne, go right in.

Thank you.

You should know how to deal with it.

You've been in the business long enough.

A friend of yours just walked in, Mike Wayne.

Frankie Short says to say hello

and how are you.

Tell Frankie how I am is none of his business.

Mike says, "Go screw yourself."

Ha-ha. Okay.

Poor Frankie.

He's shooting a picture with that French broad--

What's her name?

She wants her part built up.

Keeps yelling, "Meat, give me more meat!"

She's driving Frankie crazy.

Tell him to fire her and hire a vegetarian.

( laughs )

The scripts they send me.

This one belongs in intensive care.

Well, not this one.

How's your wife?

I don't know. I never ask.

She never volunteers.

I heard from New York.

What was your deal with the publisher?

Five-thousand dollars for a 6-month option

against $80,000 and 2 1/2 percent?

Three percent.

Well, New York says they'll give you $7,500

for your rights,

even though you got less than 20 days to go on the option.

And no renewal clause.

So cutting the bullshit,

they want the property, but not me.

Well, you know New York.

They feel that because of the nature of the property,

it needs, well, a younger man to produce it.

Yeah, preferably a bearded younger man.

Well, I guess there's only one thing left

for you to say.

What's that?

Let's have lunch someday.

( chuckles )

Tell the boys in New York two things for me, will you?

One, tell them to go screw themselves.

Two...

I accept the offer.

( drops script on the floor )

( telephone ringing )

Hello.

OPERATOR: Dr. Peterson is calling Mr. Wayne from Geneva.

Will you accept? Yes, I'll accept charges.

Go ahead, Dr. Peterson, I have Mr. Wayne on the line.

PETERSON: Mr. Wayne, this is urgent! Can you come here immediately?

( majestic theme playing )

Taxi.

MIKE: This is the fifth operation

in almost three years.

I'll take a room at the inn in the village.

I'll see her every day.

No, you will go home.

We will send her back to you in three months,

maybe less. Why?

I'm gonna stay here and see her.

PETERSON: Every waking moment must be spent in therapy,

in striving to get well.

There is nothing else. Nothing.

( eerie theme playing )

No, please take me back to my hotel.

Impossibile, Signorina January.

Why impossibile?

Because in the hotel,

your papa's in bed with Mel Battalito.

How do you know that? That's a damn lie!

FRANCO: Signorina, it is an ancient Roman law.

The producer is making love with the leading lady,

and the daughter of the producer

is making love with the leading man!

Can't you stop talking about my father?

Ha-ha. It is your father

you have anger with, signorina, huh? Avvero!

Can't you go any faster than this, Franco?

Hold on, signorina. Hold me tight.

( tires squeal )

( horns honk )

Stop, Franco!

( January screaming )

You must realize how protected

she has been in our world of the clinic.

She must be easedback into your world,

not thrown into it.

You're afraid I'm gonna spoil her.

She's told me many times of those weekends

when she came back from school.

Dr. Peterson, from the time she was 7,

she had no mother. Sure, I spoiled her.

I hope to go on spoiling her

for the rest of her life.

( dogs barking )

( mellow Spanish theme playing )

I've never waited this long

for a woman in a beauty parlor.

Ha-ha. Oh, you look beautiful, darling.

Louis, here. There you are.

You have me wondering.

Oh.

What about?

Well, you were in Switzerland.

Why did you stop off in Marbella

instead of going straight home?

I've been wondering about you.

Yes?

Are you the third or fourth richest woman in the world?

As of a week ago Tuesday, the fifth.

An airline deal went sour.

Oh, I'm sorry. I was going to ask

if you had some cheese to go with these crackers,

but considering your reduced circumstances, forget it.

When did we first meet?

MIKE: The Academy Awards, eight years ago.

DEE: Ha-ha-ha. Oh, yes!

You were quite drunk

and told me the story of your life.

Fortunately, I was a little tipsy myself

and didn't have to listen.

Well, I was younger then. There wasn't much to tell.

I must send this to January.

How did you ever come

to saddle your daughter with a name like that?

MIKE: Because she was born on New Year's Day.

And I swore I would give her the world.

When January was 4,

I went to California to produce my first movie.

When January was 5,

I produced two hit pictures in one year

and was nominated for an Oscar.

When she was 6, I won the Oscar.

When January was 7, I did my--

Ha-ha! It's so strange. What?

Well, I mean you're telling the story of your life

in terms of your daughter.

"When January was 4, I so and so.

When January was 5..."

Well, obviously, you have no children.

Four husbands. Nary a child.

Why?

MIKE: Now you certainly can't mean

that all four of them shot blanks?

DEE: The truth is, I was never

on good enough terms with any of my husbands

to get that productive.

This is the only part I really enjoy.

The first encounter.

Four husbands,

very expensive, I can tell you.

Why do you keep on marrying?

'Cause after six, I get one for nothing.

( chuckles )

For the last two weeks,

you've danced attendance on me, Mr. Wayne.

Well, actually, we haven't danced at all.

I hate Spanish music.

$20 tips to captains,

$800 tabs in nightclubs for big parties.

And I've had a marvelous time.

Mike, I'm rich, so I can be rude.

Second day you were here,

I had you looked up in Dun & Bradstreet.

You have $2,600

and some change in the bank.

I'm poor, so I can be proud.

That figure isn't exactly up to date.

I sold an option for $7,500 before leaving L.A.

Mm. Most of which you used to pay the back rent

on your penthouse in Beverly Hills.

How did you know that?

I own the building.

I brought up this distasteful subject

to let you know that I do not back plays.

I do not finance motion picture productions. Never.

Mrs. Granger, I do not intend

to produce any more plays or motion pictures.

Ever.

What do you intend to do?

I intend to have lunch.

WOMAN ( on PA ): Continental Airlines Flight 663

now departing Gate 1 for Chicago.

All aboard, please.

Continental Airlines Flight 663

now departing Gate 1 for Chicago.

( both laughing )

Oh, Daddy, you look super.

You look just great, baby.

Gee, I hope nobody thinks we're father and daughter.

I hope they think you're a dirty old man,

and I'm your bride.

Look, give me all your bags.

Oh, that's all there is.

I'm wearing my best outfit.

Do you like it? I got it in Geneva.

Come on, baby,

tomorrow we're gonna buy out New York.

God, it's so great to beback,Mike.

Mike? Where did "Daddy" go?

Oh, you're too gorgeous to be called daddy.

You are gorgeous, you know.

I'm a dignified elderly gentleman.

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Is this us?

Yeah, this is us.

( wolf whistles ) Oh, come on. Get in.

You've been in limos before.

JANUARY: I love it.

It's just so wonderful

after all that sanitary snow in Switzerland.

Ican't wait to get my nice clean lungs all polluted.

You can bet on that.

I have the same feeling I used to have

when I came in on my birthday.

All that caviar and champagne at the Plaza.

Yeah.

I hated school.

Yeah, I know you did. $20,000 worth.

Thank you. What happened to the Plaza?

I haven't been to the Plaza for years.

Now wait till you see this pad.

( glass breaks )

( both laughing )

Candlelight, caviar.

Whoa, champagne.

But it isn't my birthday.

Maybe not, but it's one hell of an occasion.

Oh, thank you, Daddy.

Who arranged this so beautifully, the maid?

Is Mabel still with you?

No, no, Mabel's in L.A.

I pensioned her off.

To us.

No, to you.

This is your time.

I wanna see you get the most out of it.

Tell me all about your new film.

My new film. Mm-hmm.

Who told you that?

No one, but I know how you operate.

All those postcards from Spain.

I knew you had to be shooting a new movie.

Are you afraid of jinxing it by telling me?

Nope.

There's no movie, baby.

A TV series?

God forbid.

A play. You've got a hit play.

No, I haven't. Neither does anybody else.

Why do you keep looking at your watch?

Hmm?

( majestic theme playing )

Right on time.

( both laugh )

You know, during the day,

there's a great view of the park from here.

Will I be able to see my wishing hill?

Forget your wishing hill, baby.

It's owned by drunks and junkies now.

Lots of large dogs use it for a john.

You know, everybody has large dogs now,

not for pets, for protection.

Oh, please, Mike,

no harsh facts of life tonight.

I want to think nothing's changed...

for a while anyway.

Who are all these people?

Oh, just friends.

She looks so...

As if I should know her.

Who is she?

Isn't she...

Karla?

That's right. I thought...

Didn't you offer her a million dollars

to come out of retirement?

She never said yes, never said no,

but it got me a lot of publicity.

God, all the girls at school

just thought she was marvelous.

Maybe it's because she's foreign.

Do you see her much?

Well, nobody sees her much.

She's a bigger recluse than Garbo or Howard Hughes.

But if you have her picture...

Well, she's just friends.

Baby, you look sleepy. I know it's still early.

But it must be after midnight in Switzerland.

You'd better go to bed.

I'll take a little walk, get the papers

and turn in early too.

But we haven't talked about you,

what you're doing or anything.

Tomorrow.

We meet for breakfast, we do a lot of talking.

But Mike. Tomorrow.

I'm glad you're back.

Hey, would you believe it?

New York has only two morning papers now.

The Times and the News.

You go to bed. Heh-heh.

( siren wailing )

( soft theme playing )

( whispers ): Daddy?

( door opens )

DEE: It's ridiculous you not telling her.

And me, sitting in a bar,

like a hooker, waiting for you to pick me up.

MIKE: Come on, it's her first night.

I didn't want to complicate it.

I'll have a long talk with January in the morning,

before you two meet.

DEE: You've made it that much more difficult for everybody.

Mike, come on in.

Seems we have company.

What the hell are you doing snooping around in here?

I couldn't sleep.

I wanted to talk.

Your door was open.

Mike, you're not going to let your daughter go

without introducing us?

January,

this is Dee.

Oh, Mike, come on.

That's not really a proper introduction.

Dee is my wife.

Married last week.

Congratulations.

( melancholy theme playing )

I figured you'd come here.

Such a small hill.

When I was little, it seemed like a mountain.

How long you been walking in the park?

Since about dawn.

My God, nobody walks in the park at dawn.

You could have been hurt, killed.

I got hurt pretty good last night.

One more jolt.

Do you love her, Mike?

Not madly.

Does she love you?

She claims not.

Do you even like her?

Well, it's difficult not to feel a little something

for a woman with all that money,

especially when you're broke.

I just couldn't get a picture off the ground.

Couldn't put a play together.

You were coming out of the clinic in three months.

You've never known anything but luxury,

so, well, I went to Marbella.

Of course, she knew why I was there,

but I made her laugh.

More important, I dress up her dinner table.

And you serviced her in bed?

Ah, with Dee, that's almost incidental.

No, she only made two conditions:

No show business,

and I have to learn how to play backgammon.

So we're married.

You'remarried.

She's between divorces.

Hey, where'd you learn to hit so hard?

Couldn't we try to get a small apartment somewhere?

I mean, I could try for a job. Acting, modeling, anything.

And live on that?

Baby, I did too many pictures where the rich are miserable

and the poor have fun.

Only in movies, baby.

Oh, come on.

Hey, what are you crying for?

We're in great shape.

Look, baby,

I'd kill for you,

and all I'm being asked to do is play a little backgammon.

My God, it's almost 9:00.

Come on.

Let's go, huh?

All right.

Oh, let me see. That's five and one.

And then here's five.

No, wait a minute. ( doorbell rings )

Here's your five.

( laughing )

Oh, John, will you put these in Miss Wayne's room?

Maria.

Oh, good, David's here.

Hello in there.

Hi.

Is Mike getting any better?

I don't really like backgammon.

It's a very difficult game to cheat at.

You'll find a way.

January, this is my cousin David Milford.

Hello. David's also my stockbroker.

By the way, I brought those stock options for you to sign.

I'll sign 'em, but I don't understand 'em.

You understand it better than I do.

You understand it better than the head of the firm.

I'm sure you understand it better

than the president of the stock exchange does.

How do you like the way your daughter looks?

Isn't she beautiful?

Eh, she's all right.

DEE: Where are the papers? In the den.

Let's get it over with, then we can all get drunk.

She's my cousin, but it was none of my doing.

In answer to your unspoken question, Daddy,

yes, he's very handsome. Is he very rich?

No, but he has a very rich cousin.

Who also happens to be my very rich stepmother.

Isn't that convenient?

Oh, there was a phone call for you.

A Miss Linda Riggs.

Linda Riggs? Mm-hmm.

Linda Riggs.

Oh, my God, Linda Riggs!

She was the oldest, the ugliest

and smartest girl at school.

( knock on door )

Come in!

I hate you.

You're too damn beautiful,

but then why not with a father like Mike Wayne?

I'm supposed to see Miss Riggs at 3:00 and--

Ms.Riggs, honey.

January!

Who the hell do you think I am?

Hello!

I forgot. How long has it been since you've seen me?

Eight, nine years.

Well, I've had a nose job. My teeth have been capped,

my tits were lifted, my ass was flattened,

and my knees were straightened.

My navel, I'm proud to say, was untouched.

It's perfect.

Oh, I always thought you were wonderful.

You had such a great personality, Linda.

And wouldn't you know it?

I went through all that trouble and expense

just to get beautiful, and now ugly is in.

I want my old nose back.

Hey, didn't I read in Alumni Magazine

that you were an actress once?

Just once.

My father backed a play, and I got the lead.

I went out there a star, and I came back an understudy.

Then I got a job on this magazine.

I screwed every guy in this organization,

literally and figuratively.

And I gave the shaft to every woman who stood in my way.

Now at 28,

I am the youngest editor Gloss Magazine has ever had

or any woman's magazine, I think.

Ask me if I'm happy.

Are you happy?

Deliriously. ( intercom buzzes )

Today, that is. Yesterday I was miserable,

and I might be miserable again tomorrow.

Who knows? It's crazy.

Yeah?

Put him on hold.

This has turned into one of my busiest days,

and we've got so much to talk over.

January, I'm really glad to see you.

Why don't we have dinner tomorrow night?

Oh, I have a date with David Milford.

David Milford? He's the biggest stud in town.

How did you manage it so soon?

Well, he's my dad's wife's cousin.

( buzzing ) Of course.

Otherwise you'd be on the waiting list.

I said, put him on hold.

You said on the phone yesterday you'd like to model.

Or act. Right.

I called this agency,

and they're looking for a fresh face for a commercial.

I've got the name of the agency,

who to see, the address, all that jazz.

You know what I want from you? What?

I'd love to get a story on Deidre and your father.

Now I have tried and tried,

but she always turns us down.

( buzzing ) It's all here.

Don't forget to tell him I sent you.

Thank you, Linda.

Listen, I love it.

Okay, what line's he on?

Right. January, I want you to call me.

I want to hear all about your date with David Milford.

Everything. Take notes.

Hello, Bruce. You wanna know something? You're a shit.

Or a reasonable facsimile.

Mm-hm.

( disco music playing over speakers )

Thank you.

May I have one?

I didn't know you smoked.

Oh, I don't. I'm up for a cigarette commercial.

I have until noon tomorrow to learn.

You inhale.

Ha-ha.Can I try?

David, what a nice surprise.

How are you? Good to see you.

You know everyone here. Hi, how are you?

May I introduce four beautiful people

whose names escape me?

MAN: Hello.

( speaking indistinctly )

( coughs )

Are you all right? Can I get you anything?

WOMAN: Hello, David.

How are you, David, darling?

Damp.

Her name is either, uh,

Francine or, uh, Rosalie.

Well, I took her out a few times

and then I dropped her.

Dropped her?

Such a pretty girl.

Well, I dropped her for an even prettier girl.

That makes sense, doesn't it?

( whistle blows )

Well?

Frankly, I'd love to sleep with you.

Oh, just like that?

A simple statement like that?

Why does it have to be so complicated?

Of course, if you don't want to...

I didn't say I didn't want to.

I said I'm not going to.

Let's see. What exactly does that mean?

It means that I'm not Francine or Rosalie.

Sorry. This late in life,

I didn't expect to bump into Mary Poppins, either.

Incidentally, how was he?

I wouldn't know.

What do you mean you wouldn't know?

Do you mean to stand there and tell me

that David Milford asked you to go to bed with him

and you said no?

January, what is it with you?

You didn't sleep with that divine Italian

who was responsible for you breaking your skull.

You reject David Milford.

I don't understand.

I find nothing appealing about either one.

There is a terrible thought

pushing its way into my mind.

It is too awful to put into words.

Do you mean am I a virgin?

( gasps )

You said that word. I didn't.

Are you?

Yes, I am.

Honey, I'm your friend.

We went to school together.

Wild horses will not drag

your shameful secret out of me.

There must be an explanation.

I know. You've got the guilts.

It's like cheating on Daddy.

The first thing to do

is to get you away from father and that wife of his.

You need an apartment of your own.

Why? I'm happy where I am.

A beautiful room all newly decorated for me.

Bullshit. What?

I said bullshit.

January, who are you trying to con?

You hate living there,

and you can't stand seeing your father with that woman.

Well, I do feel funny living there.

It's her apartment.

I feel like an interloper.

A what?

Interloper. Right.

Listen, there's a bachelor in my building.

He lives right above me.

I think he's a closet queen, but besides that,

he teaches at Columbia,

and he's going to Europe on his sabbatical.

Why don't we take a look at his apartment right now?

How would I pay for it? The commercial fell through.

I wouldn't ask Mike for money. I have none of my own.

You'll work for Linda Riggs and Gloss Magazine.

With the circles you're traveling in, honey,

you're an asset.

Linda, I can't write.

Neither can I. All you do is research.

We have an entire staff

of underpaid schmucks who do the writing.

Oh, my dear, it's so lucky for you you've fallen into my hands.

I'll teach you everything. Writing, screwing: everything.

Do you know what a man said to me last night?

He said, "Linda, you have ten fingers like a mouth

and a mouth like ten fingers."

Now you couldn't ask for a better reference

than that, could you? Come on.

Thank you, darling, for all the tidbits.

Take care. God bless you.

If he can find the time.

You hear the sad news? We're losing a boarder.

January's rented an apartment.

It's just one room, really.

I planned that beautiful bedroom for you, January.

I went to a lot of trouble.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What the hell? She's a working girl now.

If that's what you want, that's what you get.

January, didn't you have a date with David tonight?

Yes, but something came up.

Well, I was just on the phone with a friend from Westport.

She happened to mention that she saw David walking

with Karla in the Village.

Is that the something that came up?

He deserted your daughter for a woman twice his age

for a stupid uneducated peasant.

Hey, I thought Karla was a friend of yours.

She is, but that doesn't make her any less stupid

or any younger.

Well, isn't that David's business?

You know, we bothdecided

that David and January

would be perfect for each other.

January couldn't have given David

very much encouragement,

or he wouldn't be running off

to Westport with that... That foreigner.

I had everything all planned.

We'd all spend the holidays together in Palm Beach.

I thought I'd send the plane for January and David,

and we'd have a family thing there at Easter.

I want to give a big ball, ask all the fun people.

I thought that January and David

would announce their engagement by then.

Wait a minute. That's all very nice,

but maybe David's not what January wants.

How can she know what she wants?

She has to be taught to want the right things.

For three years,

she had to be taught to walk and talk.

From now on, it's her ball game.

All right, let her work at that dingy magazine

let her live in that ratty room.

I'm not going to try anymore.

Let her freeze in New York.

I'm not going to beg her to come to Palm Beach.

Yeah, maybe I won't go to Palm Beach, either.

Oh, really? Oh, really.

Tell me, Mike, what will you do?

Move out of here?

Find a big apartment

for yourself and your daughter?

Produce a movie,

amass a fortune to leave her?

Go ahead.

Why should I even bother to try and get her married?

You can give her the world. Hey, you listen to me--

Please, you mustn't quarrel over me!

I mean, I'd love to come to Palm Beach,

and, Dee, I appreciate all you've done.

And don't worry about David and me.

I mean, I'm seeing him again tomorrow night.

And I'll try to be more encouraging.

I have to run.

I'm late for work.

You just cut my balls off in front of my daughter.

Oh, stop it, Mike. Let's not fight. We never have before.

I'll be packed and out in an hour.

( door closes )

Don't be a fool.

Our first fight and it's my fault.

Forgive me, Mike.

I never had a child,

and in my eagerness to treat January as a daughter,

I'm saying all the wrong things,

overprotective. The same way I am with David.

I apologize to you.

I'll call January and apologize to her.

Well, there's really only one way

to make up a fight, isn't there?

Isn't it, um, time-saving that we're in the bedroom?

There's only one way to make up this fight.

Oh?

Only one way to make it up to January.

I never asked you for a thing, did I?

I even signed a premarital agreement

that if we divorced, I don't get a dime, right?

I'll tear it up.

No, no, keep it. I don't want a cent.

What do you want?

I want to talk to you.

( lounge music playing over speakers )

How are you getting along in your pad?

Oh, super.

How are you getting along in yours?

Why don't you come up and find out?

I've got a lot of albums I think you'll like.

Champagne. We can talk.

Would you be amazed if I said yes?

A little.

Would you be encouraged?

A lot.

( over speakers ): * When somebody loves you *

* It's no good Unless he loves you *

* All the way *

* Happy to be near you *

Just throw your coat anyplace.

How many whiskey sours did you have at El Morocco anyway?

You should know. You paid for them.

That couldn't be a phony fireplace, could it?

Naturally.

( cork pops )

* Deeper than The deep-blue seas *

* That's how deep it goes *

* If it's real *

Fascinating.

I wanted it to look like a bordello.

And you succeeded.

Dom Perignon.

Dom Perignon?

That's for special occasions, isn't it?

I sincerely hope so.

Dee gave me an entire case for my birthday.

How old are you, David?

29.

29?

My friend Linda says 29 is a terrible age

because when you say it, no one believes you.

Like-- Thank you.

Like 27, they'll believe, but 28, 29 both sound phony.

I'm quoting my friend Linda.

To your friend Linda.

* All the way *

Incidentally, why is my glass much fuller than yours?

Because I'm nervous,

and I was trying to get you drunk.

( chuckles )

Those are Gucci shoes, aren't they?

Mm-hmm.

My friend Linda says right now Gucci is in

and Pucci is out.

Maybe it's the other way around.

Anyway, my friend Linda says it's very important to know...

Oh.

I didn't know men used hairspray.

Oh, no, put me down.

I'll walk if you don't mind.

God, we're quiet.

I'm sorry I disappointed you.

I didn't say that, did I?

Much worse. You didn't say anything at all.

I'm sorry. I just didn't...

I mean, it never occurred to me that...

That you were the first?

David, I wanted to fall in love with you.

I really did. I thought this would do it.

Takes time to get to know each other.

Maybe the next time or the time after that.

David, if the music, the champagne

and a round bed couldn't do it...

What you're saying is you don't want to see me again, right?

I'll ask my friend...

BOTH: Linda.

Maria, Mr. Wayne's taking a nap.

When he wakes up, will you tell him

I'm out playing backgammon with Joyce?

Yes, Mrs. Granger.

Oh, and will you phone down to the garage

and tell Charles to bring the car up?

The Waldorf.

DEE: Pick me up here at 6:00.

MAN ( on PA ): Will Allen Masters please report to the front desk?

Orders wanted at once.

Front desk, please.

( suspenseful theme playing )

( door opens )

Where the hell have you been?

Is that the way you talk to the woman you love?

Am I late?

You know damn well you're late.

What have you been doing?

Shoplifting.

Oh, come on, Karla, where were you?

Just out walking. You walking. Why?

Because I am too old and too dignified to jog.

Incidentally, Dee,

the leading men in my pictures would say to me:

"You're so beautiful when you're angry."

I'm sorry I can't say the same for you.

( laughs )

Oh, Karla.

Why do you do everything to bring out the worst in me?

( sultry theme playing )

You know what I did today?

What?

I put $10,000 in your savings account.

The joint savings account of Connie and Ronnie Smith.

Connie puts in, Ronnie takes out.

I'm sure everyone in the bank is on to you.

Oh, they didn't recognize me.

Oh, but can I help it that I am so magnificent

that everyone recognizes me?

( both laugh )

Oh, Karla, you can be so divine.

Why do you go out of your way to irritate me at times?

Maybe because I like to upset

the very proper Mrs. Dee Milford Granger Wayne.

By the way, your new husband,

very attractive.

Oh, we had our first fight the other day.

Oh? Who won?

Well, he's still my husband,

but as sort of a make-up gesture,

I had to settle $3 million on his daughter.

So I guess you could call it a draw.

Where does he think you are now?

He played nine holes of golf and fell asleep.

( both laugh )

So I told Maria I was going to play backgammon with Joyce.

And who is Joyce?

Someone I, um, invented.

( laughs )

Karla,

have you been seeing much of David lately?

Yes.

You have Mike. I, too, need an escort.

I think he likes my stepdaughter.

I think you would like him

to like your stepdaughter, huh?

Does he mean anything to you really?

Of course he does.

Why else would I see him?

Karla, you are a bitch.

Yes.

What time did you tell your chauffeur

to pick you up at the Waldorf?

About an hour.

What did you and husband do after you had the fight?

I mean, besides settle millions on his daughter.

We, uh, went to bed, made love.

Well. We'll have had this sort of fight.

Mm-hm.

And you did put $10,000 into my account?

( Dee chuckles ) Didn't you?

So...

( all laughing )

No, really, I'm not kidding.

I have this thing about older men.

Not that I don't like young men too.

I mean, I even like middle-aged men.

Ha-ha! I love 'em all. Look at her.

I know I'm embarrassing January, Mr. Wayne, but--

Please. As long as you've got the hots for me

you might as well call me Mike. That's a beginning.

JANUARY: I'll have a hamburger.

Oh, I'm sorry, darling.

Joyce kept winning, and I was furious,

and I forgot about the time.

How are you, January?

Dee, this is my friend and boss Linda Riggs.

Hello, friend and boss.

Hello, nice to meet you.

You know, I've printed dozens of pictures of her,

but none of them do you justice.

Well, now you're my friend too.

What's everybody drinking? I ordered you a Scotch.

MAN: Hello, you son of a bitch. Hello, Tom.

Come here, Hugh. I want you to meet a real bore.

He was not born a bore.

He had to work at it, and I honor him for it.

Mrs.Wayne, I presume.

Yes, Mr. Colt, you see, I know who you are.

Unfortunately, everyone knows who I am!

Is it true, Mrs. Wayne, you just bought Cuba from Castro?

Oh, it's true. It'll be announced next week.

TOM: Now, goddamn it--

I think we gotta get going. Wait a minute!

You know what your husband did to me, Mrs. Wayne?

He took my best book,

my Pulitzer Prize-winning novel

and fucked it up as a movie.

You calmly turn around and marry him.

I never saw the movie. That makes a difference.

Of course, I never read the book either.

LINDA: Uh, Mr. Colt? Yeah?

Hi, I'm Linda Riggs,

and I've read every word you've ever written.

I didn't know you were in New York.

I thought you were in California

working on your new book. I can write anywhere.

I'm not surprised.

You son of a bitch. Just a minute!

Come on, get up!

Ordinarily, I'd love to oblige you,

but my wife and I are going to the theater tonight.

I'm sorry. I realize how hard you try

to live up to your reputation as a barroom brawler.

You're goddamn right!

I don't know how this lovely young lady

would react to the sight of blood,

so I'll let you off the hook.

Been nice meeting you, Mrs. Wayne.

What a character.

That friend of his looked familiar.

Pulitzer or no Pulitzer,

he's always been a better drinker than a writer.

Check, please.

Wasn't that embarrassing?

Embarrassing is the only way to live, honey.

Calm down. It was perfect.

Forgive me!

But I can't take my eyes off your ass!

Say "thank you," January.

Thank you.

Can we buy you two girls a drink?

I live practically around the corner.

Why don't I buy you a drink? Come on, gorgeous.

JANUARY: We may never see him again.

Who's she?

Her name's Linda Riggs, and she's the youngest...

...editor in the history of a woman's magazine.

That's incredible. Yes, isn't it?

I'm very impressed. Tell me,

what's your long-legged friend the youngest of?

She's the youngest and only child

of your friend Mike Wayne.

You are? Oh.

Say, I hope you didn't take Tom's attack

on your father too seriously.

You know, when he's sober, he's the sweetest--

Dee, my stepmother, said you look familiar.

Should you?

The astronaut? Hugh Robertson, the astronaut?

Richardson, not Robertson.

Oh, right, Richardson.

Well, I don't know why I didn't recognize him.

His picture's been on TV I don't know how many times.

Don't feel too bad.

People don't pay attention to astronauts anymore.

Really.

Okay, who was the first man to walk on the moon?

Neil Armstrong.

Ah, good for you. And the second?

Uh, wait a minute.

I'll have it in a minute.

Buzz... Buzz Aldrin, right?

I don't believe it.

It's true.

She didn't. She couldn't divorce an astronaut.

Yeah, one month to the day after he got back.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

We didn't get along before I flew to the moon.

It was no better when I got back.

In fact, she's already remarried.

He rented a house in Westhampton.

It's very reasonable. It's off-season.

And he sits on the beach.

He sleeps on it most of the time.

He's trying to figure out who he is.

I say, you know damn well who you are.

You're Hugh Richardson, and that ain't much.

I'm Tom Colt. That ain't much either, so what the hell?

Why worry about it? Where are you?

I live here.

Oh, buddy.

I have just enough time to catch the last train to the beach.

No, you're gonna stay overnight at the Plaza with me.

No, too many things to do in the morning.

Why don't you try making me that offer?

I need a few words with Hugh.

January, come here.

I think Mr. Colt and I are going to end up

in the feathers tonight.

Linda, tell me something.

Yeah?

Is there any man you don't want to go to bed with?

If there is, honey, I haven't met him.

Now, listen... HUGH: Taxi!

I have a plan.

Stay for one drink and then split.

I'll give you a cue, okay?

When I say, "January, I think your cat article

"is just going to be great."

Wait a minute.

Then you say, "Oh, that's right.

"I've got some work to do tonight. I'd better go."

Then you go. Got it?

Okay. Okay.

See you again, I hope.

Either here or on the moon.

All right, where do you live?

Right above Linda.

So having a drink at my place

saves us all a flight of stairs, doesn't it?

At my age, that's very important, isn't it?

Is it? Yeah.

( funky rock music playing )

( laughs )

Mr. and Mrs. Shapiro are reconciling again.

Anybody care to watch this?

What I care to do is turn off that goddamn machine.

Don't you appreciate rock?

No. Do you?

Yes, I do. I have to. It's in.

( music stops ) Well, I don't have to.

I'm tentative, which means

I don't have to wear wide lapels,

grow a beard and pretend to like crap like that.

Are you gonna join in this conversation?

When I have something to say, I will.

Incidentally, January,

I think your cat article is going to be just great.

Thank you.

I don't think you heard what I said.

I said I think your cat article

is going to be just great.

Oh. Oh. That reminds me.

I have some work to do on it tonight. I'd better go.

Can't do that.

I wouldn't feel safe with Linda.

( Linda laughs )

I'm just right upstairs. Yell if you're in trouble.

You haven't finished your drink.

She can take her drink with her. Here, take your drink.

I trust you with the glass.

I should think so.

It happens to be my glass,

which I trusted you with last week.

Good night, Mr. Colt.

Good night. I think you're beautiful.

Thank you. I think you are, too.

Almost as beautiful as my father.

Can I do something to your drink?

No, I'll get it.

Why don't you get into something more comfortable?

( laughs )

I think it's "slip in."

Then slip into something more comfortable.

Well, that's marvelous.

We're not gonna fence or anything like that, are we?

No.

No. Just two grown-up, sophisticated people.

That about sums it up.

Okay. I'll just be a minute... or two.

Listen, if you don't appreciate rock I've got plenty of others.

Mood stuff. How's this?

Music To Get It Up By.

My God.

TOM: I don't see any of my books around here.

That's right.

Just because I'm an editor doesn't mean I can read.

( tapping on window )

Hi. I just happened to be in the neighborhood.

I thought I'd drop by for a drink.

Couldn't you get that from Linda?

Huh? Yeah, well, that's not all I can get from Linda.

Most men find Linda very attractive.

Silicon tits and a computerized brain

is not my idea of a sexy combination.

But that's not the real Linda.

I think I've had all the Lindas I need.

I just came here to apologize.

I was very rough on your father.

Yes, you were.

So I'm determined

to be charming to his daughter.

Okay.

Okay?

Be charming.

Yes, I'm a little out of practice.

Don't you want a drink?

No.

Well, you haven't asked me thequestion yet.

Oh?

Why do I drink so much?

All right.

Why doyou?

Well, I blame Omar Khayyam, who once said,

"Drink! For you know not whence you came, nor why.

"Drink! For you know not why you go, nor where."

Possibly two...

of the silliest lines ever written.

Total cop-out for anything and everything.

Eating, drinking and screwing.

Am I keeping you from your cat article?

No. There's no cat article.

Huh?

I'm simply not a writer.

Very wise of you.

( crashing downstairs )

You son of a bitch!

( window slams shut )

( giggling )

I suppose that's the real Linda.

How old are you?

Don't tell me.

If you're that young, don't tell me.

I'm not all that young.

In a few years, I'll be firmly ensconced in the 20's.

At 20 you're ensconced.

At my age, you're implanted.

You're no older than my father,

and I think that's the most wonderful time of life.

From where you sit.

Wait till you get there.

I seem to have finished my drink.

Oh, don't go yet.

( tender theme playing )

Should return this glass to Linda.

I don't have to. It's mine too.

Well, you are a delightful, delicious...

enchanting creature.

Tell me that again sometime

when you're sober.

Good night.

( door closes )

( tender theme playing )

( telephone ringing )

Hello?

TOM: I just wanted to tell you I'm sober now,

and you are a delightful, delicious, enchanting creature.

( line clicks )

Thank you very much, Mr. Colt.

Thank you, um...

Uh, Myrna.

Myrna.

Thanks, Myrna, for buying the book.

I need the money. Bye-bye.

Who is this for?

Don't tell me you haven't read my book.

Oh, yes, Linda's copy.

I don't intend to read it again,

just one for the coffee table.

The last resting place for all good books.

"To January...

"with equal parts...

"of love...

"and lust."

I'll settle for that.

( upbeat theme playing )

( January laughs )

Hey!

Hey, wait a minute!

( coughs )

Now that I have demonstrated what good shape I'm in

do you mind if we slow down?

Sure. Where to now?

Young in body, young at heart. How about the zoo?

Okay. ( grunts )

( laughing )

MAN ( on TV ): And with 12 seconds left,

the Falcons have the ball on Detroit's 35-yard line.

Shannon's going back to pass.

He has Burrow open in the end zone.

This could be it. Johnson's moving over.

Johnson intercepts. That's it for Atlanta.

Now what in the hell am I gonna do

Monday nights when the season's over?

Well, where have you been the last three hours?

You know who played?

Uh... two teams. Good. Good.

With names like animals, right?

For your information,

the Atlanta Falcons and the Detroit Lions.

And in Los Angeles, it's the Rams.

That's right.

Why is it always such fierce, masculine names?

Because it is a fierce, masculine game.

Would you prefer

the Atlanta Swans and the Detroit Doves?

Mm, much.

I'm tired of telling you how adorable you are.

You want a drink?

Oh, yes, please. A strong one.

Something bothering you this evening?

Oh, the strangest coincidence.

Do you know this is the very same suite

my father rented all year round for years,

just so we could share it together

on my weekends in from school?

Well, at the ancient age of 20,

you're flooded with memories.

Mm-hmm.

Here. Spare me the memories.

What'd you do this afternoon?

Read up on you.

Why?

Because I think I love you.

What'd you find out?

Oh, enough to discourage any ordinary girl,

but not me.

Well...

it's after midnight.

You better finish your drink.

I'll, uh, call you in the morning.

A few days ago,

you autographed your book for me.

"With equal parts of love and lust," you said.

So?

So... do you love me?

Yes.

Can't ask for a simpler, more straightforward answer

than that, can you?

Do you lust for me?

Well, not in the same suite you shared with Daddy

on those idyllic weekends.

It's not either simple or straightforward.

How do you feel about the beach?

Westhampton?

Yeah, Hugh invited me out.

We can stay over.

Hell, he sleeps on the beach most of the time anyway.

When?

How about Thursday? We'll make it a long weekend.

I'd love to.

Come on. I'll get you a cab.

Damn it, January. I hate that son of a bitch.

JANUARY: I'm sorry to hear that.

I love him.

I don't understand.

You could have a wonderful guy like David.

I'm not looking for a wonderful guy like David.

I'm looking for a terrible man like my father,

and I think I've found him.

You found him, all right. A man who's had four wives.

Dee's had five husbands. I'm sorry, Mike.

Tom Colt's married right now.

He's got a wife and a kid.

He's not living with her.

Are you?

Well, I mean, are you living with him?

If that son of a bitch tries anything, I'll...

Have--?

Have you been intimate with him?

Now what the hell's funny?

Have I been intimate?

Oh, what a lovely way to put it.

Mike Wayne, the sophisticate.

And you were struggling so,

and there's so many other words you could have used.

How about "copulation," "cohabitation,"

"intercourse" or even "fornication"?

What the hell's the matter with you?

Ah, but then of course, there's always

those 4-letter words like-- Stop it!

My God, January. I hate what that man's done to you.

And I'm not exactly crazy about what Dee's done to you.

What the hell do you mean by that?

Oh, I mean I've seen you at these dinner parties.

I've heard you laughing

at the same deadly dull stories.

All right. All right.

Just paying my dues, baby.

I believe in paying my dues.

Hooray for you. May I go now?

No.

I love you, baby.

I love you, Mike.

Listen, don't go looking for me in other men.

I'm nothing to look for.

You know, Dee's opening

the Palm Beach house next week.

Will you come?

How long have you been seeing Tom?

It's been every night for at least a week, right?

Right. And nothing's happened?

Not in the sense you mean, no.

What on earth is wrong with you, January?

What on earth is wrong with you, Linda?

Just because you're practically a virgin--

An already an endangered species.

-don't keep giving me that "holier than thou" shit.

There isn't a man I've slept with

who hasn't meant something to this magazine.

Also, I happen to like screwing.

I think it's terrific.

And I don't know.

Even with my nose job and all, I still feel ugly.

That's why I screw around a lot.

It makes me feel attractive.

Everybody's got their reasons.

And with you, my sweet goldilocks,

everything relates to your father.

Even that accident on the motorcycle.

You got on that damn thing just to punish him

for being in bed with his leading lady and you know it.

Please, Linda, I've had enough analysis.

Especially amateur analysis.

I'm not analyzing I'm talking about reasons.

You think you're in love with Tom Colt

because you relate him to your father.

If I hear that word "relate" just once more--

Okay, forget the word "relate."

I'll tell you something.

It would be a lot healthier if you just got it over with

and went to bed with your father.

Why don't you ask him?

All he can do is say no.

Oh, shut up, Linda.

Okay, if it makes you feel any better,

I'm spending the weekend with Tom in Westhampton.

The TV reception there is terrible.

You won't be able to watch football.

I just don't know, Linda.

I mean, he says he loves me.

But after a whole week, he seems...

Well, he... He seems--

You mean his dingle is like spaghetti?

Oh, God, Linda. Must you put everything so crudely?

Listen, my dear, despite women's lib--

Hear, hear. I'm all for it.

--it is still part of the female's responsibility

to get the old show on the road, if you know what I mean.

Do you know what I mean?

Only too well.

Get me Dr. Alpert on the phone.

Just before you go to Westhampton

I want you to take this shot.

What shot? Calm down.

Just trust me. It's a vitamin shot.

It's a combination of vitamin B, plus some E.

Dr. Alpert mixes it right in front of you.

It's dynamite. You feel wonderful.

I mean, you glow, you spin, you whirl.

And you don't have an inhibition in the world.

And somehow it seems to rub off on the man and it's magic.

( phone buzzes )

Hello. Who's this?

Hi, Ruth. Let me talk to Dr. Alpert.

I'm sending over a delicate flower I want him to transform

into Miss Horny of the year.

You're so right, January. I'm crude, aren't I?

( upbeat theme playing )

Hey!

( door closes )

It's time for me to hit the dunes.

You'll freeze. I'm used to it.

As a matter of fact,

I don't think I could even sleep indoors anymore.

There's bourbon in the kitchen.

Sleep as late as you like.

( door closes )

Shall we do the dishes?

Yes...

in the morning.

We got a little champagne left.

Mm, pour it on the fire. It'll make a lovely noise.

To hell with that.

Ah, now we stare into the flickering flames.

It's mandatory, isn't it?

( tender theme playing )

( tense theme playing )

( tense theme playing )

( shower running )

( tender theme playing )

You wanna laugh?

Is that how it goes?

First love and then laughter?

You know what you've done for me?

It was the first time I've made it in years.

It's funny, isn't it?

The barroom brawler, the drinker,

the man with all the hair on his chest.

Naked, raw, virile, violent sex, a bang a page.

If you can't...

live your fantasies, you write about 'em.

But, Tom, you have a baby.

How old is he, 6 months?

A little older,

but that's another funny story.

About two years ago...

I decided I wanted a kid,

so I decided to adopt a kid.

But you had to be married to adopt a kid.

Three women had already divorced me.

And then I met Miss Nina Lou Brown.

She's a starlet type.

Average girl, but she liked kids,

and I could really tell she liked kids.

So I told her about me.

Oh, what the hell? She would've found out anyway.

It was Miss Nina who came up with the idea,

and here's the funny part. You ready?

Artificial insemination.

What the hell? It works for sheep and cattle,

and it worked for me.

Took a little while.

Well, about six and a half months ago,

she gave me a kid.

A son.

Do you love her?

I love her for what she gave me.

In return for which I gave her freedom,

so long as she's discreet.

She's a good mother to my son.

She enjoys being Mrs. Tom Colt.

That's it.

JANUARY: Hugh! Hey, Hugh!

( laughs )

Good morning, Hugh!

Good morning!

I came to invite you to breakfast.

Is it ready?

No. I was counting on you for that.

Cold cornflakes is all I can manage.

( panting )

Is Tom up and about?

God, is he sleepy.

What would you like for breakfast?

Mmm... Hmm?

Absolutely nothing.

I feel marvelous, just marvelous.

I don't need food,

but if there's any bacon and eggs...

( laughing )

Hey, what's the matter?

I gather you're in love with Tom.

Oh, yes.

And yes and yes!

Didn't take very long, did it?

Well, I haven't been around very long.

I don't know any better.

January... What? Hmm?

I don't know if you know how good Tom's marriage is.

Look, I know Nina Lou will never give him a divorce.

He told me that.

That's right.

She never will,

and Tom will never give up his son.

Hugh, I know he'll never marry me.

Don't worry about it.

Then what the hell are you so happy about?

Well, I've got Tom Colt for a lover.

Hugh Richardson for a friend.

What more could a girl ask for, hmm?

Hey, you are my friend, aren't you?

I'm your friend.

Come on. I'll race you.

You're on! ( laughing )

No, you talk to my agent about that.

I can take it from them.

( January laughing )

What is today, Friday?

Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest, all right?

You got it. How do you like that?

It's 6:30 in Los Angeles, and they call me.

HUGH: Los Angeles fall into the sea?

Not yet.

HUGH: Too bad. Better luck next time.

No, they want me to do a screenplay

of one of my old books.

Oh, yeah? Which one?

Well, I don't know.

I just asked 'em how much money,

and they said plenty. So you're going?

So we'regoing. We are?

You bet your sweet little ass we are.

We got a bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel,

all expenses paid by the studio.

Looks like my place to go to the kitchen.

Coffee or sanka?

I trust you to make the right decision.

What's wrong with you?

I promised my father

I'd meet him and Dee in Palm Beach next week.

So you won't. I can't tell him

I'm going to live with you in Los Angeles, can I?

Why not?

All right.

All right, you don't wanna tell him that,

you tell him you're going to the coast

to do a story on me.

That is your job, isn't it?

I've never lied to my father.

What a wonderful day to begin.

I'll dial Western Union for you.

( dialing )

( January giggling )

TOM: Now what is it?

JANUARY: Nothing.

I was just thinking... Mm-hmm?

If you were impotent,

you certainly couldn't prove it by me.

Am I allowed a cliché question?

You know the rule. One cliché a day.

What is it?

Do I make you happy?

Tolerably.

Is there any way--

Anything in which I disappoint you?

Well, if you must know,

I was rather expecting something larger

in the way of breasts.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Well, in a somewhat related area,

I could come right back at you.

Only I'm too young and innocent.

I robbed you of your innocence. And I thank you.

After a night of passionate love-making

do you know what two of the most beautiful words

in the English language are?

No, what are they?

"Room service." ( laughing )

Hey. Heh-heh.

MABEL: I wonder why high-class stores don't put prices in windows.

Because they don't dare.

( laughs )

What time have you got?

When you asked me five minutes ago it was ten to 3.

So not it must be five to 3.

( chuckles )

Would you mind if I called the hotel again?

You'll call whether I mind or not.

You don't have to tell me.

He ain't back yet? No.

No message neither?

No.

Your father treated me the same way.

Why am I so nervous?

I mean, my God, he's just seeing his son.

Well, this is what I told you all through lunch.

Mabel. Yes?

If you were me, would you be worrying about Tom?

Here's my Santa Monica bus.

Honey, I'm the wrong one for you to ask.

I worked for your father 12 years

and it was just one long parade of poontang.

Goodbye, Mabel.

Bye-bye, baby. Call me soon now.

January?

JANUARY: Yes?

Why are you sitting in the dark?

Because I'm afraid of the light.

How's the baby?

Bright as hell for 7 months old.

What did he do that was so brilliant?

He dribbled a little.

Till 10 at night?

Nina Lou had some people over.

She asked me to stay for dinner.

So you stayed for appearance's sake?

Exactly.

What'd you do?

Well, I had lunch with Mabel.

Seafood salad, in case you're interested.

That's good for you. It's got a lot of vitamins.

Mm-hmm.

Don't look at me like that.

I did not lay a finger on Nina Lou.

And vice versa?

And vice versa.

I love you.

( tender theme playing )

( January giggling )

You're biting the goods!

( door opens )

( ominous theme playing )

Mike!

( yelling )

Leave him alone! Stop it, Mike!

Stop it! Stop it!

Put some clothes on.

I'll wait in the other room.

I never burst into your bedroom, did I?!

I never beat up Dee, did I?

A couple of loose caps.

Maybe a busted nose.

Oh, God, Tom.

That's all right. It's been busted before.

Your father's got a hell of a punch.

Give me some Kleenex, will you?

We'll forget any of this happened.

You'll come back to Palm Beach with me.

Now listen.

I'll be in the polo lounge for half an hour.

If you don't come by then, I'll leave.

January, he's a bum.

If you have any brain, you'll pack his things

and call his wife to pick him up.

Now remember, I'm leaving in exactly half an hour.

I'm really sorry, Tom.

All right. Forget it.

But I'd have done the same thing

if you were my daughter.

Well, he just doesn't know how I feel about you.

Write him a letter.

Are you alone

or expecting someone, Mr. Wayne?

Huh?

Are you alone or expecting someone?

I'm expecting someone.

Are you sure you'll be all right?

I've been better, but I'll make it.

Well, I'll be back in a little while.

Back?

Well, I just want to see him and tell him I'm staying.

Well, he'll know that if you don't show up.

I've got to tell him.

Kid... What?

I've always had a hunch I was just a replacement.

Now I'll know.

It's me or Daddy, not both of us.

You go to that lounge, you made your choice.

But I've got to tell him.

I mean, I can't just let him go off like this.

I can't let him just wait there.

Why not? I have to talk to him.

Listen, he came in here and beat the crap out of me

because you love me.

Now if you go to him for even five minutes,

you'll make a bum out of me.

It's like another punch in the nose.

So if you go to him, there's no coming back.

Check, please.

Mr. Wayne, you didn't have anything.

( melancholy theme playing )

JANUARY: I never burst into your bedroom, did I?

I never beat up Dee, did I?

Couldn't we have gotten a small apartment somewhere?

I mean, I could've tried for a job--

Acting, modeling, anything.

MIKE: I love you, baby.

JANUARY: I love you, Mike.

DEE: So what it amounts to

is I'm losing my fifth husband.

That's right.

There's another woman, I presume.

Right again.

Would it be prying if I asked who?

January.

Oh.

Well, it's gonna be a little awkward

telling the judge that the correspondent

is my husband's daughter,

but what's a little awkwardness between friends?

Dee, I'm sorry.

I married you and lost her.

You think divorcing me will get her back?

This will get her back.

Oh. I've been wondering what that was.

It's my next movie.

A script I bought from two college kids.

It's about young people, and January can help me.

We start shooting in about three months,

so it'll be an around-the-clock job,

and January would work with me, live with me,

and I'll have her respect again, and, I hope, her love.

Two such scarce commodities.

How nice. You'll have each other. Who will I have?

Karla?

I didn't detect any shock in your voice, or did I?

No, and no reproach either.

Thank you.

( chuckles )

Well, at last,

I can give my old friend Joyce a decent burial.

( chuckles )

Oh, just a minute.

You haven't forgotten the trust fund

I set up for January, have you?

No, I haven't forgotten.

Well, of course, I'll have to revoke that now.

Of course.

You don't mind?

Well, I mind, but I understand.

I'm very glad.

Well, there's no particular reason to hurry.

The weather's beautiful here now.

We can stay here the rest of the week.

Oh, uh, you may have your choice of six guest rooms.

( chuckles )

Why not? I'll work on my script.

We'll order the plane

to take us back to New York,

we can do the lawyer bit,

and everything very, uh, civilized.

Almost too civilized.

A violent storm hit St. Louis, Missouri today

and lightning struck and killed

four little girls at a St. Louis school.

And huge hailstones came down all over the Midwest.

In parts of Minnesota hail piled up...

Do you have to play that damn thing so loud?

I'm trying to work.

What's on that's so important?

Just the weather report.

Weather report? Hell, it's Los Angeles.

Today's just like yesterday.

Tomorrow's gonna be just like today.

I know that,

but after the weather report comes the stock market,

and that's equally fascinating.

( TV muted )

What's wrong?

You promised you'd only work four hours a day

and we'd be together the rest.

Well, I know, but things are going so well,

I shouldn't quit.

That's what you said last week

when everything was going so badly.

Well, I also remember saying,

"never fall in love with a writer."

Well, it's too late now.

But I'll remember it next time.

Why don't you leave this damn bungalow?

There's a beautiful pool out there.

Yeah, well, there's also those beautiful studs

hanging around that beautiful pool.

Well, how about tennis lessons?

Oh, I don't need tennis lessons.

Last time we played, I beat you 6-2, 6-love.

What do you got circled?

It's about Mike.

He's back in the picture business.

Which I'm sure will survive.

My father was the best producer in the business.

And I'm the best writer!

Well, at least he beats me 6-love, 6-love.

I don't see the connection.

Well, neither do I.

( chuckles )

I have to go back to work.

It's almost dinnertime.

I'll have a tray sent here.

Can I read what you've written so far?

Well, it's a rough draft. I'd rather you wouldn't.

Well, how about when it's all nice and smooth and polished?

Okay. Maybe.

You don't respect my opinion, do you?

I don't respect anybody's opinion.

Sweetheart, don't you know me well enough

to know that I'd say I love it no matter what?

All right, when I get it retyped.

( telephone ringing )

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mabel.

What's wrong?

What?

Mike!

( organ playing somber hymn )

( all chattering )

Oh, I hate funerals.

They depress the hell out of me.

Services are barbaric. They always are.

Time be, you'll be planning for yourself.

I don't intend to die. There's no future in it.

That's a comforting thought.

Truth is always a comfort, David.

MAN: Karla! There's Karla!

( all clamoring )

Excuse me.

( all clamoring )

Well, I guess we've lost him.

Doesn't he know you just inherited $3 million?

I wish there was graceful way I could give it to him.

Don't be crazy. He'd find some graceful way to accept it.

( telephone ringing )

MARIA: Hello?

No, Miss Wayne is not taking any calls until the morning.

Who is it, Maria?

Who is it calling, please?

It's a Mr. Richardson, Miss January.

It's all right, Maria. I'll take it.

Hugh! I'm so glad to hear from you.

I'm sorry about your father.

Did you get my telegram?

I suppose so.

There's a whole pile I haven't opened yet.

Awful of me. Thank you.

Where are you, at the beach?

Yeah. Would you like to come out?

Or maybe you're too busy with Tom in town.

Tom in town?

Yeah, we had dinner Tuesday night.

Tuesday?

You mean he hasn't...

Oh. Don't tell me I've put my big foot in it.

Please excuse me. I wanna call the Plaza. Bye.

WOMAN: Plaza.

Mr. Tom Colt, please.

One moment, please.

Ringing.

Mr. Colt doesn't answer.

Thank you.

( doorbell buzzing )

Who the hell is it?

JANUARY: It's me, Linda. January.

January?

I want to talk to you, Linda.

Honey, you couldn't have picked a worse time.

May I come in?

No. Please?

No. Do you know why?

There happens to be a certain Mr. Ed Whitman--

The boss of Gloss. --in my bed right now,

and do you know where we were when you rang?

Talk about point killing.

It's Tom. He's been in town and hasn't called me.

I tried the Plaza.

Try P.J.'s. If he's in town, he's there.

I gotta go.

( chattering )

Hey, Buzz, you want a hamburger? Sure.

( chattering )

Tom.

I thought I'd be safe here.

I didn't think you liked this place.

You've been in New York for two days.

Why didn't you let me know you were coming?

Why didn't you call?

Is there someplace we can talk?

Gonna have a scene?

I promise.

Come on. Excuse me.

Some white wine?

Well, at least you didn't find me with another woman.

Is there another woman?

Well, there is no other woman.

I can say that much for myself, but not much else.

Tom, once you said you'd never be without me.

Were they just words?

No, I meant them.

I wasn't just lying on top of the dang words.

I meant them.

Well, then...?

I made a big mistake.

I read the script with your father.

I regretted that when I thought about it.

From that moment on, I had a commitment to you,

and I don't want any commitments.

But I-- I learned.

I haven't written half the books

I intended to write.

I haven't done half the things

I wanted to do.

What came between us is time.

You have so much of it.

Hell, you even have enough time to be unhappy.

Tom, do you love me?

Irrelevant.

Well, I love you, and you're all I've got.

You have youth and beauty, $3 million,

and an 8-room apartment.

What do you mean, I'm all you got?

If you only knew how little that money means to me.

Don't say that.

Your father earned that money for you.

Maybe he only worked at it for less than a year,

but believe me,

that's the hardest money he ever earned.

( crying )

You said you wouldn't.

Look at it this way.

You gave a middle-aged guy

his last pretense of being a stud.

For that, I'll always be grateful.

But we did have something special, didn't we?

Yeah. Well?

We did once.

Well, once is not enough.

Let's please have some drinks.

Tom! Please.

I hate to end our little talk on a note of slight,

but unquestionable vulgarity, but I do have to pee.

It'd make everything so much easier for both of us

if you weren't here when I got back.

( melancholy theme playing )

( horn honks )

( tires screech )

You dumb drunken broad!

You could've been killed!

( tires squeal )

Well, where the hell have you been?

I've been waiting. What?

That son of a bitch, that bastard!

Who? Who are you talking about?

Ed Whitman, my ex-boss.

That's who I'm talking about.

I kept his shirt.

I'd like to see him explain this to his wife,

the son of a bitch.

Your ex-boss? That's right, I said "ex."

Do you know what that son of a bitch had the nerve to do?

First he laid me, and then he fired me!

He what? That's right, he fired me!

I don't have a job! Shh!

I don't care who hears me!

He said I was a great lay, but I was a lousy editor!

Well, I'm not a lousy editor!

I'm a great goddamn editor!

Stop it!

I don't care who hears me! Goddamn it!

I'll tell you something.

He was the lousiest fucking lay I ever had!

How you doing? I'm okay.

Can you imagine him telling me I was a great lay

but a lousy editor?

Would you rather he put it the other way around?

Ha-ha! No.

I guess at least this way

I can screw myself into another job.

Here.

It's nice and hot, and it has honey in it.

Sleep well. Thank you.

January, what about you?

What do you mean, what about me?

Well, I've been carrying on about myself,

and I didn't even ask you.

What happened with you and Tom?

Tom who?

( mellow theme playing )

( door opens and shuts )

( mellow theme playing )

What did I tell you?

JANUARY: To us.

No. To you.

This is your time.

I wanna see you get the most out of it.

MIKE: You know, Dee's opening the house

in Palm Beach next week.

Will you come?

* You touched my life *

* For one brief trace of time *

* A shooting star *

* Across my sky *

* Now I am living *

* On the echoes *

* Of that yesterday *

* Reliving dreams *

* My heart can fool away *

* Love wrote our story once *

* But once is not enough *

* Now that I've learned *

* How kisses warm the night *

* In arms that shut The world outside *

* I tasted love just once *

* But once is not enough *

* For all the loving needs *

* I feel deep inside **