All language subtitles for Cheers.S06E21.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Hey, Sack Happy,
how are you doing?

Hey there, Rubber Thumbs.

Hey, I thought you'd be
on a dim route by now.

I don't see you pushing
many number-one sacks there, Clavin.

What the heck
are they talking about?

It's kind of a postal rap.

Hey, there's a flap
that you had a brush with Utility.

Six-oh-fours all the way.

Yeah, well, you know
the scheme, Fed.

You know, I actually once thought
of asking Cliff what it all meant,

but then it occurred to me
he might tell me.

Well, I can't put this off
another minute.

- What's up, Frasier?
- I'm a man in a predicament, Sam.

I've got to find a gift
for the dearest, sweetest,

most wonderful woman on Earth.

So you finally dumped Lilith, huh?

No. It's our one-month anniversary,

and I'm just stumped
about what to get her.

- Any suggestions?
- Well, you could get her a nice mank.

- mank?
- Yeah. You know, it's a mock mink.

I got one for Vera.

You cannot tell it from the real thing.
It's great. Unless, of course, it rains.

Then you just toss it in the dryer

and you leave the house
for a couple of hours.

Well, I suppose I'll think
of something. Wish me luck.

Hey, Cliff, new suit?

Well, no, actually,
I just had it dry-cleaned, doc.

Hey, Woody, a beer, and one
for mi compadre here, Normie.

- You all right?
- Oh, yeah, I'm all right.

Sorry. I thought Cliff
was gonna buy me a beer.

Well... Well, I am.

Hey, Norm, come on now,

knock it off there,
will you? Jesus.

I mean, it's just that my annual
civil-service raise came in today.

You know, at three
and a half percent.

Just like clockwork.

You know, as if carrying that bag
wasn't honor enough.

- Oh, Mr. Clavin, you got a raise, huh?
- Yep.

I've been hoping for a raise
for two years. Haven't gotten diddly.

Wow, Woody, that is an outrage.

You ought to walk
right up to Miss Howe,

look her square in the eye
and demand diddly.

I tell you what, you work overtime,
you get over-diddly, pal.

And diddly and a half on weekends,
and a golden diddly on holidays.

- Diddly.
- Cliff, Cliff.

The secret is knowing when to stop.

- Hey, Sam?
- Yeah.

You think Miss Howe would
give me a raise if I asked her?

Well, let's see.
You're a good bartender.

You never had a vacation.
You never been out sick.

Probably not.

- Gee, really, Sam?
- No, she's tough.

Maybe if you get her
in a good mood.

- How do I do that?
- Well, put her in a good mood.

You know, be nice to her.
Compliment her.

- Compliment, right.
- Yeah.

Okay. Thanks, Sam. I'll do it.

What should I compliment?

I don't know.
First thing you see, Woody.

Come in.

Miss Howe, did I ever tell you
you have a nice...

...smile?

Thank you, Woody.

Was there something you wanted?

Well...

Miss Howe, I've been here at Cheers
for quite a while now.

I'm a good worker.
I don't take vacations. I'm never sick.

- And I was just wondering if...
- No, Woody,

I'm gonna have to stop you right there.
I cannot give you a title.

Title?

Yes, I know, you deserve it,

but the front office doesn't let me
hand those things out.

No, Miss Howe,
you don't understand...

Sometimes people work here
10, 15 years before receiving a title.

- How can I justify giving one...?
- Miss Howe, I want a raise.

Oh, is that all?

That's fine.
How much did you want?

Just like that?

Of course. I thought you came in
to beat me out of a title.

But if you just want to settle
for money, that's fine.

Wait a minute.
Let's just stick with this title thing.

No, no, Woody, you said
you would settle for a raise.

Now, I'm gonna hold you to it.

Oh, no, I blew it.

I should have demanded a title.

Money gets spent,
but titles are forever.

No, Woody, I told you...

Doggone it, Miss Howe,

you're not gonna pawn
some raise off on me.

I don't want money.
I deserve a title.

Woody, I have met
some tough negotiators in my life...

All right, you deserve it.
I'll go to the mat for you.

Congratulations.
You're the new Senior Bartender.

Get out! Senior Bartender?

Wait till I tell my folks.

To think I came in here

asking for a stupid little raise
and now this.

I just hope it doesn't go to my head.

That's what's nice
about you, Woody.

Nothing ever goes to your head.

Hey.

So did you get the raise?

Sammy, Sammy, Sammy.

There's more to life than money.

- Oh, no, you didn't get the raise.
- I got something much better.

You're looking at Cheers'
new Senior Bartender.

Oh, Woody,
you didn't fall for that, did you?

- Fall for what?
- Oh, man, she conned you.

She talked you into accepting a title
instead of a raise.

I don't believe you.

Hey, I'd like to see you do better.

Hey, she may be able to pull
the wool over your eyes, but not mine.

As a matter of fact,
I'll prove it to you.

Yeah, I'm due for a raise
around here.

Behold the master here.
Woody, watch the bar.

Sam, considering my new title,

I don't think you can just
give me orders like that.

You're right. Please forgive me.

I respectfully request permission
to ask you to watch the bar, sir.

Money can't buy
that kind of respect.

- I was wondering...
- The answer is no.

Oh, come on. A little raise
is not gonna kill you.

No, a little raise is not gonna kill me.

And neither are those free rounds
of drinks we're always giving everyone.

Or the little bar tabs all our friends
are always running up.

But you add them all together
and they spell bankruptcy.

Which is probably
more than you can do.

Wait a minute.
What do you mean "bankruptcy"?

We're losing money, Sam.

And as long as we are,
no one's getting a raise. Nothing.

All right, all right.

But if you wanna go out there
and save face in front of your friends,

I can give you a title,
just like I did Woody.

Come on.

A title to save face?
How childish do you think I am?

Senior Bartender, huh?
Well, Woods, you know, I'd say

a promotion like that kind of deserves
a round of drinks on the house.

Gee, Mr. Peterson, I'd love to.

And I'm real sorry, but,
gosh, I just don't think I'd better.

Boy, you give a guy a title,
he turns into a fascist.

So, Wood, now that you've
scratched and clawed your way

to the top of your profession,

are you still gonna talk
to us little people?

Little people?

Oh, right, you folks don't like
to be called midgets anymore.

Sure, I'll talk to you.

It won't be easy
with your tongue in another state.

So, Sam, how much did you get?

Well, it's kind of complicated, Woody.

It's all tied up with bonuses
and stock options.

But I can tell you
that you're looking

at the new Executive
Supervising Bartender.

Well, congratulations, Sammy.

A promotion like that kind of deserves
a round of drinks on the house.

- Nice try, man.
- Well, you know.

You just couldn't stand it,
Sam, could you?

That I had a title and you didn't.

Oh, come on, Woody.
These titles don't mean anything.

- You wanna switch?
- Right. Senior Bartender.

Like I've been dying
for that one all my life.

Hey, at least mine's a real great title

and not a stupid
made-up one like yours.

- Hey, mine is not made-up.
- Hey, all right. Knock it off, all right?

Will the Senior Idiot Bartender
and the Executive Supervising Moron

shut their yaps
for about ten seconds?

You're bartenders. That's it.

You're a bartender,
and you're a bartender. Period.

Carla's right. I'm sorry.

Yeah, me too.

I, however, am the Managing Director
of Waitresses.

- Congratulations, Carla. You know...
- Give it up, Norm.

- That does it.
- What?

Miss Howe, I heard about Carla
and Sam's new titles,

and I must say I've got a problem.

You've got a problem?
I'll tell you about problems.

I will tell you all about problems.

We've been losing money
for the last three months.

I have just been informed
that if we continue to lose money,

the bar is going to be put
on the block.

And then my career will be over,

and so will everyone's drinking days
here at Cheers. Understood?

Well, maybe it isn't exactly
my place to say this,

but Cheers means about as much
to me as it does to anyone here,

and this is pretty bad news.

I'd say bad news like this deserves

a sympathy round
of drinks on the house.

What? Oh, what?

You don't think we're gonna
lose the bar, do you?

What are we gonna do?

Where are we gonna go?

Home?

Hey, listen,

we gotta think of some way
to drum up business.

What do you want us to do?
Force people to drink here?

- Pour beers down their throats?
- No, Carla.

Well, don't be hasty, Sam.
Let her talk.

Norm, you work for the big firms.

What do they do
when they need money?

All right, first off,

they go and fire
all the deadwood.

- Yeah, then what?
- I'm long gone by then, so...

Well, what if we get something
real valuable that everybody wanted,

and then gave away
chances to win it?

A raffle?

Sam, would you mind giving
my idea a little consideration

before you just jump in with yours?

No, no.

Rebecca, hey, I think
we put our heads together here

and came up with a solution
to your problem.

Sam, please, this is my problem.
I'll handle it by myself.

Hey, listen, everybody needs
a little help now and then.

All right, Sam,
what's your great idea?

Well, I think you're gonna like it.
It's real special.

I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

It's a... Well, we hold a raffle.

Oh, please.

Well, actually, it was Woody's idea.

We could give away
a Caribbean cruise.

Hey, Woodchuck, not a bad idea.

Do you think she just
handed me this title?

Listen, it'd be perfect. I mean,
people would be pouring in here.

We'd be out of the red in no time.
Come on, let's give it a shot.

All right, why not?

It's the mark of how
desperate I am

that I'm willing to take
any half-baked, hare-brained scheme

from a bunch of bozos like this.

All we ask for is a little faith.

Eureka! I have found it.

Sam, can anything compare
to the ebullient feeling one gets

having discovered and then purchased
a fine work of art?

Yeah, sticking your foot
in a pan of scalding hot water

when you got a fungus itch.

Well, you may not know art,
but you know what you like.

Correct me if I'm wrong there,
doc, but that's

from the Machiavellian
Cubist era, isn't it?

No, Cliff, but thank you
for participating just the same.

No, my anniversary gift to Lilith
is an abstract Expressionist piece.

Would it be rude to ask
what something like that might cost?

- Not if you like and appreciate it.
- Sorry to interrupt.

Say, Frasier,
why'd you buy her a painting?

Why not get her something
she might actually want?

Oh, no, Lilith will love this.

It's an original Tidwell.

See, it represents man's struggle
against intransigent fate.

It's called "Number Seven."

Here. Drink it in for a moment.

What does it say to you?

It says, "We got a live one."

I don't know. I kind of like it.

Looks like a couple of dogs
getting real familiar.

- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.

Woody, hose them down.

I should have known better
than to show you Philistines

a fine work of art.

Rebecca?

Yes, do you mind if I keep this
in your office for a few days?

- It's my anniversary gift to Lilith.
- Certainly.

I hope she loves you very much.

Woody, aren't you finished
numbering those Ping-Pong balls yet?

Almost. I'm just putting
happy faces on all the zeroes.

There's a shocker.

Boy, I can't believe this.

This place has been packed
for two weeks now.

This contest was a great idea.

Well, I kind of like
the way it used to be around here.

Yeah, know what you mean, Normie.

All these damn people here,

treating this like some kind of
public gathering place.

I think this little raffle idea of mine
turned out pretty well, don't you?

Don't you think you ought
to give me a little thank you?

A little pat on the back?

You on your back.

Sam, when you say things like that,
you make me love you even more.

You're being sarcastic, right?

Are you?

Dr. Crane, I'm glad you're here.

I hate to mention this, but you've had
that picture of the two dogs

in my office for quite a while now.

- When are you giving that to Lilith?
- I'm going to give it to her tonight.

And by the way, they are not,

and I can't say this
more emphatically, two dogs.

Whatever. I want them
out of my office.

They keep reminding me
of how lousy my social life is.

Yeah, but to be honest with you,

I wouldn't mind winning
that Caribbean cruise prize.

Call me Ishmael, but...

...all the Clavin men all
go down to the sea.

I guess I must have
saltwater in my veins.

Too bad there isn't an air bubble.

Frasier.

Oh, why, there she is now,

the ray of sunshine
I call my blushing bride.

Dear, that color jacket
is not good on you.

Yep. Sorry, fellas,
she's all mine. You can't have her.

Well, anyway,
happy anniversary, my sweet.

Same to you.
Are you ready for dinner?

Yes. First, I've got a little surprise
for you. Close your eyes.

Oh, Frasier, love, I'm really not
a proponent of surprises.

My father once asked me
to close my eyes,

and he left for two years.

Well, then, keep your eyes open.

By the way, are you familiar
with the artist Tidwell?

Of course. isn't he the one

who did the painting
of the two dogs commingling,

then sold it for an ungodly
amount of money to some ninny?

Yes, that's him.

Well, what's my surprise?

Oh, surprise?
Well, it was nothing really.

It's no big deal.

Just my car.

Why, Frasier, I'm overwhelmed.

Your Mercedes.

Nothing says loving
like something from Stuttgart.

Shall we?

But what does this have to do
with Tidwell?

Oh, well, that's its name, you see.
I give all my possessions pet names.

Well, by the way, have you met
my cufflinks, Bert and Ernie?

Attention. Attention, everyone.

Now is the moment
we've all been waiting for.

I hope you're as excited as I am

because this is probably
the most exciting event

I've ever been to in my entire life.

Well, except for the time

that our prize cow Velveeta
gave birth to a two-headed calf.

Now, I don't know how many of you
have seen a two-headed calf get born,

but the ones who have
will bear me out.

Woody, Woody...

Actually, it's not as exciting
as you might think.

- Only one of the heads could move.
- Woody.

The other one
just seemed kind of dazed.

Hey, Woody.
Pick the damn number, will you?

Okay.

And the winner

of the Cheers all-expense-paid trip
to the Caribbean is...

...number 99!

Hey, that's me!

Say, Woody,
when you turn this 99 upside down,

it kind of looks like a 66, doesn't it?

Sure does.

Excuse me. We have a correction.

- The winner is 66.
- No.

I've got it. I'm 66.

Stop the music! Stop the music!

What's going on here?

You called 99.

- Oh, he's right.
- It is 99!

Hey, stop the music here.

Woody, man,
we got a little problem here.

Hey, what's going on?

What's the problem?
I mean, you chose 99 first.

Hey, yeah, but 66 comes before 99.

Hey, what the hell
kind of place is this?

Who's the manager here,

and why aren't they serving
free drinks to calm this angry crowd?

This is starting to stink as rotten
as those game-show fixes

back in the '50s.

Gentlemen, gentlemen,
excuse me here.

There's obviously been some mistake,
and I'm very sorry about that.

But would one of you please have
the decency to give up the trip?

- No, she's crazy. Forget it.
- No way. Forget it. No, no.

Come on. You guys don't really
wanna go to the Caribbean, do you?

Do you have any idea what the sun
does to your skin down there?

- What are you talking about?
- I'll tell you what I'm talking...

Here, I wanna introduce you
to last year's winner, man.

He's actually 24.

- I fell asleep on the beach.
- Yeah, thank you.

See what I'm talking about?

Listen, lady, I don't wanna be
a hard case about this,

but if I don't get my trip,
you'll be hearing from my lawyer.

What's your boss's name?
I wanna complain.

That's it. I've had it.
My career is over.

No, no, come on.
Don't give up now.

Listen, you have come so far
to get to where you are.

Are you gonna throw
all that away?

Come on,
go back out there and fight.

- Show them how tough you are.
- How?

Cry your pretty little eyes out.
No man can resist that.

That is insulting.
I will not use those tactics.

I will handle this in a professional,
businesslike manner.

All right.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

There has been a mistake made.

But I am the manager,
and I'm willing to take responsibility.

What's important to me
is that I have two satisfied customers.

So I'm gonna see to it
that both of you get that trip.

Nice.

Of course that will probably mean
the end of my job.

My career.

My life, actually.

But I don't want that
to have any bearing on this.

I just want you both
to be really happy.

And maybe you could send me
a postcard from the Caribbean.

And address it to me at...

Oh, I don't know.

The YWCA or skid row
or something.

Now wait a minute there,
dear, don't cry.

You won't lose your job.
I'll give up the prize.

- You will?
- Yeah.

Sure, I never win
anything anyway.

Always been a loser.

I've never been able
to hold down a job.

The wife left me
a couple of years ago,

and my kids won't talk to me.

Oh, there, there.

Hey, listen.

I don't really need to go
to the Caribbean. You go.

- No, no.
- No, I want you to go.

I mean, my wife will understand.

I'm married to the most
wonderful woman in the world.

I mean, she's so kind.

So understanding.

And to think that she can maintain
such a wonderful attitude

despite being confined
to that wheelchair.

It's just...

That's the most beautiful thing
I've ever heard.

You know something,
they should both go.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, they should both go.

Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.
What about my sob story?

I got eight kids.

Heard it.

Well, how can they both go?

We don't have enough money
for two trips.

- Well, that figures, huh?
- Oh, what a rip-off.

Whoa, hey. Take it easy,
take it easy now.

Maybe they can't
both go on a cruise,

but they can both win a prize.

- What are you talking about?
- Well, sure, our other first prize.

Listen, one of you guys
can go on the cruise,

and the other one gets this
very, very special surprise.

Yeah, we have a...
We have a wonderful,

wonderful other first prize.

It's a beautiful painting.

Oh, my God.
Is that an original Tidwell?

Yes, it certainly is.

I've always wanted a Tidwell.

Would you mind taking the cruise?

- Not at all.
- Thanks.

Boy, I've dreamed
of owning a Tidwell all of my life.

And you tried to tell us
you were a loser.

Thanks.

Music.

Say, does that painting
give you any idea how to thank me?

Yes, Sam.

Next week, we'll all chip in
and have you fixed.

Excuse me, folks.

We still have the consolation prize
to give away.

Eight hundred and forty-seven
hand-numbered Ping-Pong balls.

- No, Woody, man. Don't do that.
- All right.

And the winner
of the Cheers consolation prize is...

...number 11.

Oh, no, here we go again.

No, Woody,
let me explain something here.