All language subtitles for Cheers.S06E18.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Oh, it's a well-documented fact
that the female of the species

is irresistibly drawn
to men in uniform.

Just yesterday,
some lonely, frustrated housewife

saw me coming up the garden path.

You know, peeking
through the window.

Then she tries to coyly titillate me
by pulling down the shade

so I wonder
what's going on behind it.

Let me dispel the mystery.
She was puking.

Carla, don't you get bored
just hanging around here all day

waiting to take cheap shots at me?

Yeah, I should get a beeper.

All right, look, that's it.

I'm sick and tired
of being your whipping boy.

Today the worm turns.

You are not going
to insult me any longer

because I am not gonna
give you the chance.

As of from right now,
I am shutting up, zipping my lip.

And my friends support me.

You know something, chaps,

I had a particularly
fascinating session this morning.

No, honestly.

Someone I was seeing
for the first time.

Extraordinarily beautiful young woman
whose rather unique malaise

is to be aroused
to a sexual frenzy by...

Excuse me, I...

I don't really think I should
be discussing my patients here.

How about discussing them
over here?

Well, I suppose it wouldn't violate
any doctor-patient confidentiality

if I don't use names.

Another beer, Woody.

Thought you weren't gonna use
any names, Dr. Crane.

Well, it seems this woman has
her passions inflamed

by men who dance.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Men who dance?

That's weird.

What's even more bizarre

is that she will catapult herself
compulsively into the arms

of any man in, like,
tights or tap shoes.

Fascinating fixation.

Jeez, I gotta go. I'm sorry.

- Where are you going?
- My ballet class.

No, no, lunch.

That was a little psychological humor.

You know,
as my old professor used to say,

"If you can't laugh at your patients,
what fun are they?"

See you later. Norm.

- Morning, everybody.
- Norm.

Can I pour you a draft,
Mr. Peterson?

- A little early, isn't it, Woody?
- For a beer?

No, for stupid questions. Pour.

Would you believe
the board of directors is asking

for a breakdown of projected earnings
for the next six months?

Yes.

Oh, Rebecca,
I started painting Mr. Drake's house.

I wanna thank you
for that recommendation.

Oh, it was my pleasure, Norm.
How's it going?

Great, great.
He's out of town for a few days,

so I thought it'd be a good time
to get started in his bedroom.

I was doing a little prep work
over there.

I must say, that's a cute photo of you
he has next to his nightstand.

- What?
- Just kidding.

I will kill you, Norm.

You know,
I am over there all by myself,

so if you wanna drop by
and check any of the house out,

I can get you in.

No, I can't.

Oh, go on. You're dying
to look in his drawers.

That's right, he won't be there.

The last thing on my mind
is Evan Drake and where he sleeps.

Now, I don't wanna be distracted.

I gotta get these figures
in to the bed of directors.

Board of directors.

Shall we say in one hour?

I'll be there.

Excuse me,
I'm looking for Dr. Crane.

- He mentioned he'd be here.
- I'm sorry, you just missed him.

Oh, darn.

I had a session earlier today
and left a package in his office.

When I went back, it was locked.

Gee, I don't know what to tell you.

But then again, I don't know
what to tell most people.

Excuse me,
you had a session with him?

Why, are you a patient of his?

- That's right, why?
- Oh, just curious.

Well, it's not that important.
I just thought if I caught him,

- I could still get my package back.
- I understand perfectly.

Well, I'm out of luck.

I guess I'll just
have to stop by tomorrow.

Gotta dance
Gotta dance

- Why are you doing that?
- This?

I guess it's kind of an old reflex
with us hoofers.

- Oh, you're a dancer.
- Well, kind of.

My name's Sam Malone,
but people call me "Bojangles."

- Jennifer McCall.
- Jennifer McCall.

That's a beautiful name
for a beautiful girl.

Well, thank you. I have to be going.

Well, at least let me waltz you
to the door, here, all right?

All right.

I know I'm not very sophisticated,

but I don't think
what Sam is doing is right.

Well, look, don't you put
yourself down, Woodman.

I happen to agree with you.

I mean, standing around,
tending bar all day

is, like, the worst thing
a dancer can do for his calves.

Speaking of calves, Woody,

was it painful when the cow
kicked you in the head?

You get used to it.

Why don't I stop back
and we'll go to lunch?

I'm looking forward to it already.

Got a cramp.
Oh, God. Oh, Woody...

And here's his bedroom.

- I feel kind of queasy.
- Yeah.

Like I don't belong here,
like I'm doing something wrong.

I know, that's how I feel
in my bedroom.

I just feel kind of like
I'm trespassing.

Like I'm invading his privacy.

This is not right.

This is not right.
I should not be doing this.

I shouldn't.

I shouldn't, I shouldn't.

Would you like to be alone?

Sorry.

Well, as long as I'm here,

I guess it wouldn't hurt
for me to just look around a bit.

Sure. Now, I suggested Navajo White
but he went with Sandstone.

What do you think?

This is where he keeps
his clothes, isn't it?

Do you think anybody heard that?

- Like who?
- I don't know. I'm just nervous.

God, there's no way I could explain it
if I got caught.

How are you gonna get caught?

Because people always
get caught in this situation.

What if Evan comes back
unexpectedly?

Look, he's in Europe, okay?

You don't come back unexpectedly
from Europe.

You come back unexpectedly
from the movies or shopping.

But you don't come back unexpect...

What? What?

Oh, my God, it's Mr. Drake.
He's back unexpectedly from Europe.

- I have to get out of here.
- Norm, you here?

Yes, sir. Be right down, sir.

No, it's all right. I'm coming up.

- Oh, God.
- All right, come on.

- Norm.
- Oh, right, okay.

Norm, there you are.

Hi, sir.

What are you doing here, sir?

We wound up everything
in a marathon session.

I haven't slept for three days.

Three days? Let me take you out
for a cup of coffee, sir.

No. All I wanna do
is sleep for about a week.

- Shall I get your pajamas, sir?
- No!

- 'No"?
- No.

I thought you meant my pajamas.

No, they're too far away
from here

and I don't even think
they'd fit Mr. Drake.

Actually, I think you'll find a clean pair
of pajamas in the bag, Greyson.

- I thought you were gonna fix that.
- Yeah, that squeak.

I'm gonna fix that squeak, sir.
You should go to another room.

I may need to use the Jaws of Life.

No, just leave it, will you?

As a matter of fact,
forget the painting thing too.

I'm a light sleeper and I don't want
to hear rattling paint cans.

That's one thing I've never been
accused of, rattling my cans.

Please, I mean it, Norm, scoot.

Yes, sir.

So you're really a light sleeper, sir?

Yes, but I have
excellent hearing, Norm.

Yeah, most light sleepers do.

That's what makes them
light sleepers.

So you just left her in the closet?

Believe me, I did everything I could
to get the guy out of the room

for, like, one minute
but he wouldn't budge.

So you just left her in the closet?

There was nothing else
I could do, okay?

So you just left her in the closet?

Carla, it wasn't my fault, all right?

It's been at least an hour.
She should have snuck out by now.

Oh, come on,
she'd be here if she'd gotten away.

You gotta get her out of there.

Hey, look,
you think of it as an adventure.

Like she's the damsel in distress

and you are the knight
in shiny white armor

leaping upon your steed.

And driving it into the ground
up to its knees.

No, no. And saving the damsel.

I guess you're right
I gotta go do this.

Listen, Cliff ie,
if I'm not back in an hour,

go ahead and finish my beer.

This is your beer.

Sammy, I hear you got
a sure thing lined up, eh?

No, I never like to use the term
"sure thing."

I prefer the term "in the bag."

- Yeah.
- Why, what?

Sammy, come on, isn't this,

you know, pretending
to be a phoney-baloney dancer

a little bit beneath you?

When I go picking up girls,
I don't need all that stuff.

All I need is a wink and a smile.

And a rag doused with chloroform.

I don't know, Sammy.

It looks to me like you're getting
a little desperate.

What are you...
I'm not desperate.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Ready, Sam?

Oh, hi, Jennifer.
Be right with you.

See you guys later.

Ready to go?

Mr. Drake. Mr. Drake, sir!

Sorry, sir, but Mr. Peterson said
it was an emergency.

- A what? Emergency?
- Yeah, structural, Evan.

A good thing I went back
and checked those blueprints.

This ceiling could go at any second.

- Ceiling?
- Yeah, it's a crack, sir.

Extends all the way into here.

Get me out of here.

What crack? There's nothing wrong
with that ceiling.

I'm only thinking of your safety, sir.

I'd feel much better
if you slept in a different room.

Peterson, get out.
And close that closet door.

Wait a minute. Many people prefer
to sleep with the closet door open.

Is something wrong with you?

Yeah, it's the paint fumes, sir.
They make me giddy.

I'm afraid they can
be hazardous to your health, sir.

Oh, nonsense. No one was ever killed
by paint fumes.

But they can cause brain damage.

Evidently.

Now get out of here.

Sir, I have some paint cans
in the closet there.

I'd feel much better for you
if I tightened those lids.

Whatever. Just do it.
Get out of here.

Norm, I'm so glad to see you.

You gotta get me out of here.

Every time I open the door,
it squeaks and he starts to wake up.

If he finds me here in the morning,
he will fire me, hate me

and he is never, ever,
gonna wanna be my boyfriend.

Norm, you talking to your paints?

Yes, I am, sir.

Just calm down, all right?
Calm down. Calm down.

Okay? Everything's gonna be fine.
I'm gonna get you out of...

Cashmere.

Here's my plan, okay?
I'm gonna walk out of here.

I'm gonna leave the closet door
yay bit open so it won't squeak.

Now, you wait till he's sound asleep,

- then you just walk out of here. Okay?
- Okay.

If you're hungry,
I brought you some chips.

"Cajun style"?

- Never mind, just go ahead.
- Okay, all right. Good luck.

- Is he asleep?
- Get lost.

Getting lost, sir.

Oh, like an open door
would really kill you, Greyson.

So you just left her in the closet?

I had a foolproof plan to get her
out of there

and the whole thing got spoiled
by this anal-retentive butler.

Mr. Peterson,
you gotta get her out of there.

How did I get myself into this?

I should have never
become a house painter.

I should have listened to my mother
and become a matador.

You know, Norm,
you were probably too logical.

What?

Yes, you see,
it's an established psychological fact

that the more outrageous
a lie one tells,

the more readily
will the victim believe it.

Now, see, if you told Mr. Drake
a sufficiently outlandish story,

odds are, he'd buy it.

- No, that's impossible.
- No, Woody, it's a stroke of genius.

Frasier, you're brilliant.

That is one of the most brilliant ideas
you've ever had,

- and you've had a lot of brilliant ideas.
- Thank you, Carla.

See, Woody, it works.
Bonehead bought it.

All right.

I guess I just gotta go do this.

Gotta do it.

If it doesn't work out,

tomorrow I'm gonna be shopping
for toreador pants.

Hey, where are you going?

I gotta get Rebecca
out of the damn closet.

You just left her in the closet?

Where's Frasier?
Man, I gotta talk to him.

- Where's your date?
- She's in my apartment.

I told her I was going out
for some ice.

I don't know,
something's wrong here.

I've been dancing my brains out
and nothing, zilch, absolutely.

Frasier, you know that beautiful girl
you were treating this morning?

I treated two beautiful women
this morning, Sam. Which one?

- The one that had the hots for dancers.
- Yes, why?

Well, you didn't cure her
by any chance, did you?

You just don't cure someone overnight.

Most patients require
dozens of costly sessions

to make even minimal progress.

God, I love this profession.

Boy, I don't know, something's wrong.
Maybe it's my dancing.

You treated two beautiful girls
this morning?

What'd you treat the other one for?

Pyromania.

pyro... Pyromania.

My purse.

What?

No, no, stop. You can't go in there.

Get up, sir. Up, quick! Bees.

Killer bees are coming this way
from Mexico.

- And they're hopping mad, sir.
- Bees?

Yeah, those suckers could swarm
through here like a buzz saw.

Sir, you don't have any honey
in here, do you?

Peterson, get out of here.

And if you come back in here again,
I'm gonna have Greyson use his gun.

- Understood?
- Yes, sir.

He was talking to me,
okay, Greyson?

Look, sir, let me just
get your robe.

I'm very concerned
about these bees.

Well, never mind. They've gone.

Yeah, there they go. They're headed
up to Canada or someplace.

- Well...
- What is it?

Bee sting, they're back, sir.

Peterson, what the hell is going on?

Sir, I'm sorry.

I didn't wanna have to tell you this
but you're forcing me to.

Oh, please, tell it quickly.

If I don't sleep, I'll die.
And I'm gonna take you with me.

Actually, it's kind of personal.
Do you mind, Greyson?

- Sir?
- Anything that will get him out of here.

Sir, to begin with, when I was
a little boy, I was very poor.

Peterson, I'm not going
to survive any story

that begins with
when you were little.

Oh, right. Sir, I've had this fantasy
that's haunted me all my life.

At night when I'm in bed,
it comes and torments me.

Oh, I know the feeling.

Yes, yes, I suppose you do.

Anyway, this is my fantasy, sir.

It's a little outrageous.
So just stay with me.

Even though I was born poor
and I'll never be a rich man,

somehow, it wouldn't make
any difference if one time,

sir, just one time,

just one darned time,

I could do something symbolic,

like...

...carry a rich man across the lawn
in his pajamas.

- Come here.
- I know, it sounds crazy, I know, sir.

Sir, I don't have a fever.

No, I know that.
I'm feeling for the lobotomy scar.

Sir, please, sir, please,
please, please.

- Please, sir.
- All right, all right, all right.

Look, if I actually let you do it,
would you promise me...

Would you swear
on your mother's grave

that you would let me sleep?

- Yes, I swear, I promise.
- You've gotta do more than promise.

You've got to give me
your solemn oath as a crazy person...

My oath, my vow,
my pledge, my bond.

Let's get it over with. Now let's get...

- Thank you so much, sir.
- All right.

Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you so much, sir.

You know, sir,
I don't mean to flatter you,

- but you're very firm for your age.
- Yeah, yeah.

Thank you very much, sir.

It was everything
I dreamed it would be.

Hey, whoa, who made the bed?

- I did, sir.
- When?

The instant Mr. Drake
vacated the premises.

You mean you came in here
the instant we left

and you haven't left since?

Oh, sir.

Sir.

Sir.

I don't know
quite how to tell you this, sir.

We've gotta own up, sir.
I've gotta tell you the truth.

You should do that before you go
to sleep. Clears the lungs.

You'll sleep much better.
Sweet dreams.

Hi, sir.

Oh, I knew it, I knew it.
You broke your word.

- No, sir.
- You lied to me, Norm.

No, sir. I went back to the bar to tell
a friend about my dream coming true.

Since none of their dreams have,
they wouldn't believe mine.

- Why are you doing this to me? Why?
- My dream is to have people know

that I carried a rich man
across the lawn in his pajamas.

- You're going to hurt me.
- No, sir, I just need witnesses.

I've got several lined up outside.
Greyson would fill out the troop nicely.

Just a couple minutes. Then it'll be
all over, sir. You can sleep.

This isn't happening to me.
This is a nightmare.

- Don't worry about it, sir.
- I never...

We're going out now,
but only for a minute.

Will there be any more bees?

Oh, no, sir.
You shut your eyes now.

All gone. All gone.

Hey, guys, here they come.
Here they come.

- They're coming.
- Line up. Here they come.

Yes, bravo. Very good. Well done.

Great. Well done.