All language subtitles for Cheers.S05E23.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

You missing something, Woody?

Yeah. Well, I had
a $20 bill in my pocket.

Now it's gone.

Say good-bye to that, Andy Jackson.

See you later, Andy.

Boy, oh, boy.
Talk about your lucky days.

Just found 20 smackers
back there in the pool room.

To celebrate my good fortune,

I'm gonna buy a round drinks
for all my friends.

What are you gonna do
with the other 19 bucks?

Woody, that could be your $20 bill,
the one you lost.

Yeah. You know,
I was in the poolroom earlier.

Wait a second. Let's be fair about this.

Give me the serial number.

Oh, come on, man.

Nobody knows serial numbers.

L21886119B.

That's amazing.

How'd you do that?

I memorize the serial numbers
on all my currency.

Why?

For just such an occasion.

I tell you, though,
I pray every day I don't get rich.

Oh, groom.

Sweetheart,
we're going to have to decide

where we're going for our honeymoon.

Where do you want to go?

I don't know. Where do you want to go?

I told you where I want to go. Tibet.

Well, it's our honeymoon.
Of course we're going to bed.

No, you wham-o. Tibet, the country.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Sam, imagine getting up in the morning

and looking out
on the roof of the world.

Look where we'd stay. isn't it quaint?

Looks like where the dogs sleep.

It is. The dogs sleep with us.

You wouldn't want to freeze to death,
would you?

Diane, I didn't sleep with dogs
when I was single.

I'm not about to start now.

For goodness sake,
don't you want to taste

the exciting and fascinating things
that life has to offer?

Nope. I'd rather marry you.

- Afternoon, everybody.
- Norm! Norm!

Mr. Peterson,
what do you say to a cold one?

"See you later, Vera.
I'll be at Cheers."

You're looking unusually chipper today.

I'm feeling kind of chipper.

Is there any particular reason other
than the fact we live in a democracy

and sushi bars appear to be on the
decline?

Well, I was gonna tell Vera first,
but why break tradition?

I just landed a great new job
at Masters & Holly & Dixon.

Oh, wonderful.

It's one of the top CPA firms in Boston.

Yes, I hear that's
quite a successful firm.

You know, over half of their executives
require therapy on a regular basis.

- So here's my card.
- Oh, great.

- Just in case.
- Thank you.

It's a very impressive place.

They occupy the entire 25th floor
of the Boston Towers.

They hired you?

Must have been the altitude.

Seriously, I'm sorry.

I hope this works out to be
sort a long-term arrangement for you.

Long enough anyway for
them to see you wear your other suit.

Very funny, very funny, you guys,

I'll have you know they gave me the key
to the executive washroom.

Did it come with a bucket and mop?

Laugh all you want, okay?
I think this is finally the job for me.

I've got a secretary,
I have an expense account,

a very ritzy office all to myself.

Good for you, Norman.

How about a round of applause
for our new executive?

I started late.
I didn't want to be impolite.

- I'm really excited for you, Norman.
- Thanks.

I can tell by the way you're talking
this is the job

that's going to fire your enthusiasm.

- When do you start?
- About three hours ago.

What are you doing here?

I didn't want to appear overanxious.

No danger there, huh, buddy?

No, no. I'm on my lunch hour.

But you know,
I could be late if I wanted to.

I've got free rein over there.
I happen to be my own boss.

So that's how you got the job!

Thanks for the sendoff, guys.

I hope you're all proud of yourselves.

Why? What did we do?

I think we could've been
a bit more thunderous in our applause.

Except for Woody.

Sam, didn't you see the hurt
in Norman's eyes?

He was seeking our support and approval.

It's his first day on the job,
and all we did was give him jibes.

Don't worry about it, sweetheart.

He's had hundreds of first days
on the job.

Diane's right.
It's obvious how much we mean to him.

I think we may have let him down.

Gee, I hope not.

Yeah, me, too.

Too late to do anything about that now.
Refill, huh, Sam?

It's not too late.

We could march en masse

down to Norman's office
and show him we're in his corner.

Sure. Perhaps buy the new hotshot
a little office warming gift.

Maybe a potted plant.

- Good!
- Okay, hurry up. Let's get going here.

Wonderful, Carla.
That's the kind of enthusiasm

that's going to make Norman feel better.

To hell with that yutz.

I want to go downtown
and see some yuppie buns

in tight Italian suits.

Well, then, it's settled. We'll go.

Wish I could join you, but I've got
an appointment at 1:00.

What the hell. Mrs. Segal's
rather a compulsive cleaner.

If I'm a little late,
maybe she'll tidy up the office.

- Give my best to Norm.
- Aren't you coming?

I got to take care of the bar here.

Oh, Sam! We've got to show Norman
our impressive phalanx.

That's all right, honey.
He saw mine at the gym.

And then there was this 1938 accident,
where the elevator plunged 86 floors.

Get me out of this thing!

My! What an exquisite place
to come to work every day.

Have you ever seen
such sumptuous surroundings?

You obviously haven't been to the new
downtown postal annex, Diane.

Where's Woody? I hope he's not lost.

Gee, what are the odds?

2511. Here we are.

Damn! I got another one
of those carpet shocks.

Carla, if you'd walk like a lady,
that wouldn't happen.

If I walked like a lady,
nothing would happen.

Sorry I'm late.

Woody, couldn't you find a bigger one?

No.

You know, at the risk of sounding
self-congratulatory,

I think we're fabulous.

Just think how Norman
will appreciate this.

You know, I remember the first day
I worked at the Third Eye bookstore.

Ramu was explaining the difference
between psychic and occult.

Ouch!

Think we could get this carpet
for the bar?

All right. Everyone ready?

Surprise!

Don't you guys ever think about
maybe calling first?

Well, we couldn't find a phone booth.

Till now.

Did anybody ever see Das Boot?

What are you guys doing here?

We wanted to come down and celebrate
your first day on the new job.

Yeah, we brought you a gift.

Let me find the perfect spot for this.

There.

Don't forget to water it.

Thanks. I'll write myself a note, Woody.

So, guys, I guess I exaggerated
a little bit about the office.

But it's just 'cause you were
razzing me so much.

It's actually quite a big step
to have an office at all.

Many people in this firm
have to share an office.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Just set it right here. That's fine.

Let me guess-- Peterson.

- Right.
- I'm Thompkins.

Looks like we're office partners.

So, if you're looking for a secretary,
I'm available.

But I want you to know
I do not take shorthand,

I don't type, and I don't make coffee.

What do you do?

Hire me and find out.

Carla, I don't think he caught that.

Next time, try to be more obvious.

Okay. Let's let Norman get back to work.

- Thanks.
- Norman, keep up the spirits.

Remember-- no small offices,
only small people.

That's right.

Oh, my God. Look at the time.

If I don't get back right now,
Mrs. Segal will be shampooing the rug.

- Thanks a lot for the plant.
- Okay.

Wait! Wait! My supervisor!
Everybody hide.

- Peterson.
- Hi, sir.

What are all these people doing in here?

Well, they're new clients, sir.

We were holding a little impromptu
seminar on the tax laws.

So, in conclusion, folks,
I'd like you to file early

and... file out.

Right.

Thank you. New clients, sir.

- You're Thompkins, aren't you?
- Yes, sir.

Well, welcome aboard.

Pay attention.
You can learn a lot from this man.

Thank you.
That's very kind of you to say.

I was talking to you.

By the way, sir, I understand
you're a big Red Sox fan.

Yup.

My father has season tickets
right behind the dugout.

No kidding?

I'm usually so busy with work here,
I rarely get to use them.

Thompkins, let's have lunch.

Thank you.

That's a lovely tie
you've got there, sir.

- What, this ugly thing?
- Yeah.

- My wife bought it.
- How is the missis?

We're divorcing.

I hope you stick it to her, sir.

I just want to make sure you're okay.

Yeah, fine, great. Top of the world, Ma!

The first day at a new job
is always traumatic.

Look at me-- pushing 40, fat,
and starting over again.

- Norman, that's not true.
- Yes, it is.

- Yeah?
- I'm delivering supplies to the room.

- This isn't it the supply room. Sorry.
- It's 2511, right?

- Right.
- Then it's the supply room.

It may have been the supply room once,
but now it's my office.

What does it say on this invoice?

- 2511.
- Thank you.

See what I mean, Diane?
I just wasn't meant to be a success.

Norman, may I speak to you for a moment?

You make me sick.

You're a quitter, Norman.

No. You're worse than that.
You're a nonstarter. You don't even try.

You don't even try.
You sit around the bar all day.

You sit around your house all day.
You sit around here all day.

You sit around life all day.

How are you gonna feel someday at the
end of your life

when you're lying...
no, make that sitting...

on your deathbed...

...and you realize that the only thing
you've done in your life

is sit around
and watch people do things,

make things out of their lives?

Well, maybe you're right, Norman.

Maybe you're not meant for success.

Maybe you're meant
for exactly what you are--

Nothing.

Diane, you have no right
to say that to me.

Norman, I said those things to you
because I care.

You must care an awful lot about me.

Well, I do.

All of your friends care about you
an awful lot.

And we're tired of seeing you
give up so easily.

Maybe I won't
give up so easily this time.

Maybe those harsh, stinging,
offensive words of yours--

Words that I'll take to my grave,
by the way--

Maybe they finally struck a chord
with me, Diane.

- Norman, do you mean it?
- Yes, I do, Diane.

Every place I've worked,
my name has been synonymous with patsy.

I think it's high time my name
stood for ruthless.

People may not like the new me,
but they're gonna respect the new me.

Diane, I want you to mark
this day on your calendar,

for today is the day the new me is born.

Happy birthday. Sign here.

I'm gonna tell the boss.

No, no, Norman. Norman, Norman.

Thank you, Mr. Springsteen.

- Well, it's a start.
- Yeah.

I was thinking while you were gone

it's not really fair to have you make
all the honeymoon plans,

so I went ahead and did them myself.

All you have to do is pack your bags
and set your dial for fun.

Oh, God. It's Niagara Falls.

No, it's not Niagara Falls.

That place is a tourist trap.

Are you ready for this?

Disneyworld.

You want to go to Disneyworld
for our honeymoon?

Oh, yeah.

Sam, I always thought
that would be someplace we'd go

when we have kids.

This is not just for kids.

This is for "children of all ages."

I mean, can you say
the same thing about Tibet?

Well, how can you compare
Disneyworld and Tibet,

where we might possibly
unravel the mysteries of life?

Well, there are lots of mysteries
you can unravel at Disneyworld.

For example?

All right, all right.

Why is it that Donald Duck
wears a top and no bottom,

whereas Mickey wears
a bottom and no top?

Well, it's because a duck's privates
are hidden by the feathers,

and a mouse's is... need I say more?

While you're at it,
why is it we've never seen Donald fly?

I mean, I've seen that damn duck
do the karaoke.

If Mickey's dating Minnie,
how come he has such a high voice?

Wait. Are you trying to tell me--

All right! All right!
We'll go! We'll go!

- Evening, everybody.
- Norm! Norm!

- Norman.
- Look at you.

You look like the cat
that swallowed the canary.

Gimme a beer to wash him down.

You're in kind of late, me bucko.
How was your first day?

I tell you, I feel a lot better now
than I did this morning.

Diane, I took your advice.

I spent the afternoon jotting some ideas,

and I think they'll save the company
a lot of money.

Norman, that's wonderful!

I'm gonna pitch it
to my supervisor tomorrow.

I tell you, I'm a little nervous
about putting my butt on the line.

How do you think the line feels?

Norman, why waste time
with the supervisor?

He'll only take credit
for the idea himself.

Why don't you go right to the top?

Present your idea
to the board of directors.

I don't know. The thought of standing
there in a roomful of bigwigs

just gives me the cold sweats.

Boy, yeah, I can sympathize
with you there, Normie.

I'll never forget my first oral report.

- Sixth grade.
- Yeah. Boy, was I nervous.

I tell you,
I went to my father, and he said,

"Hey, just relax. You'll be fine

as long as you can imagine
the other kids in their underwear,"

Which is no big deal for me

because I'd gotten that far
with half the girls in class already.

Even then, huh?

Anyway, I was just describing

how they make maple syrup
by draining the sap from trees,

when I happened to look down and noticed

how nicely Cindy Van Rippen
had filled out.

- Oh, yes.
- Well, what happened next?

Well, I smiled at her.
And she smiled at me.

After my little speech, we stole
a few moments in the cloakroom.

No, I mean after they drain
the sap from the tree.

- I don't remember, Woody.
- Oh, great, Sam.

Get us all revved up and then
leave out the best part.

Norman, nothing takes the place
of personal support.

Therefore, when you're ready to make
your proposal,

I will be at your side.

Tell them that you've hired
a personal secretary

to assist you at your expense.

Diane, please, you've been
more than helpful already.

I don't need anyone to hold my hand.
I just need a little practice.

Normie, why don't you try it out on us?

That's a good idea, actually.

Oh, yes, it is good. Good, good.
Stand up here so we can all see you.

All right. Now, remember, guys,
this room will be a pressure cooker.

So just stay on top of me, okay,
really heckle me.

It'll help, okay?

Good morning, gentlemen.

What's good about it?

What time can you be there?

"Enjoy 58% growth. Cash flow.
Annual achievement no later than--"

Thank God. Thank God you're here.

Norman, don't worry, please.
Everything is going to be perfect.

I hope so.
I'm having a very tough time

picturing the chairman of the board
in his underpants.

- Oh, no.
- What? Now what? What?

Pierre forgot
the chocolate croissant I ordered.

Don't worry about it.
It wasn't that good.

That's a nice suit, Peterson.
Do they make it in your size?

Pay no attention to him.

Norman is making a proposal today.

The board meeting.

He's wasting his time.

Those stuffed shirts don't care about
anybody's ideas.

Why don't you just have the courage
to wish him well?

Why don't you take a flying leap?

Touché.

Now, listen...
I don't like to make predictions,

but you're going to be in the top
echelon of this company someday.

Your idea is so good,
they can't help but applaud it.

I hope you're right, Diane.
But we have a few minutes now.

I'm going to splash some water
on my face.

- Fine. I'll go prepare the coffee.
- Okay.

It's a special Viennese blend.
They're bound to be impressed.

Great, great.

For my part, I think I'd
like to get a second opinion

on this pastry, know what I mean?

Diane!

- It's-- it's gone.
- What's gone?

Well, my proposal, my career,
the pastry!

...immediately, you will enjoy
a 58% growth in cash flow,

and will achieve it no later
than the third quarter

of the next fiscal year.

Thompkins, the thief.

- Get in there and defend yourself.
- Damn right I will.

Thompkins, you idiot.
You completely ignored the obvious.

Our resulting tax liability
would cost us a fortune.

Actually, sir, it's not my plan.
It's the new guy Peterson's, you see.

Don't try blaming another man
for this garbage.

Now, stop wasting our time
and get back to work.

Just my luck.
I had to share the office with a moron.

Hey, sorry!

I'll give him this, though,
the man knows his pastry.

Jeez.

Now, Norman, please.
Now, don't let this faze you.

You have to keep pushing.

I know that this idea didn't succeed,

- but others will.
- No, Diane, a few moments ago,

I almost made the biggest mistake
of my professional life, okay?

And it was because I was doing
something that just wasn't me.

I'm not a go-getter.
I've never been a go-getter.

What's more,
I don't even want to be a go-getter.

I'm very happy right where I am.

I'm tired of all these people saying,
"Yeah, Peterson, you got to push,

you got to get ahead,
you got to make that goal."

I don't even want to make the goal.

I want to be a bench warmer, okay?

The world needs bench warmers.

I mean, if there were no bench warmers,
what would we have?

We'd have... cold benches.

A lot of cold benches, and the world
does not need that, Diane.

In this great pageantry of life,
Norm Peterson may be a motionless lump,

but he's a very damn good one.

Norman, I've never seen you
so impassioned.

That's because I believe in this, Diane.

Look, Norm Peterson is totally happy
being an anonymous cog

in the gigantic machinery of this firm.

I forgot, didn't you want to say
something at the meeting?

Just how delighted I was
to be part of the firm, sir.

We're glad to have you aboard,
Springsteen.

I'm home.