All language subtitles for Cheers.S03E16.Teachers.Pet.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Carla, might I have a word?

Look, uh, you know,

I know how you always like
to poke fun at me and whatnot,

but I'd really appreciate it
if you stayed away from one area

I'm particularly
sensitive about...

and that is my ears.

I don't make jokes
about your ears.

I mean, why would I
make jokes about--

Oh, my God!

I never noticed those
satellite dishes before.

Gee, I must have been
distracted

by the other atrocities
attached to your head.

Yeah, well, look, just hear me
out on this one, will you?

Last night I was going through
my insurance policy,

and I discovered that
I'm eligible for an ear tuck.

Well, you know, it's going to be
hard enough for me to go through

without you, you know,
razzing me all the time,

so all I want to ask
is that you please, please,

after I do it,
not make my life a living hell.

This really means a lot to you,
doesn't it?

Yeah, it's the most
important thing in my life.

Yeah, well, go ahead.
Get it done.

We'll see.

Oh, yeah, and, uh, one other
thing, Carla.

Would you kind of lay off
about how I live with my mother?

Well, gee whiz, Cliff,

I mean, you got to
give me something.

What am I going to
tease you about?

Well, I'm not the most tidy guy
in the world.

Oh, okay, I'll limit
myself to that.

Thank you, Carla.
You're welcome.

By the way,
your mother called.

She said you left your
earmuffs in the driveway

and no one could get out.

That was a tidy tease.

Hey, everybody.

-Hey, Sam.
- Hi, Sam.

What do you have there, Sam?

Looks like books.

Yeah, I guess you could
call them books.

Just something
I've been meaning to read.

Oh, why don't you open one up

so we can all see the little
gingerbread house pop out?

Yeah, well, you wasted
your money on that one, Sam.

You'll be disappointed
with the ending.

I'll be in my office.

He locked his door.

Oh! And we're trapped out here
with you.

Sam never locks his door.

He's done that two or three
times this week, Diane.

Yeah, he did that the other night,

and he never made a sound.

Stayed in there
till closing time.

Oh, my God.

The thing I feared worst
has happened.

Your Living Bra died of boredom.

This is no time
for... levity.

I think Sam might be
drinking again.

Oh, I was afraid of this.

Day after day

of watching Frasier and me
exulting in our joy

has finally driven him
over the edge.

Come on, Diane.

I doubt seriously
if he's drinking.

There's lots of other things
he could be doing in there.

Like what?

Maybe he's reading,
just like he said.

Oh, it can't be that.

I was once with Sam
when he was reading.

I'd recognize the sounds
anywhere.

Well, there's one sure way

to ascertain
whether he's drinking.

I will smell his breath.

Go away.

Sam, it's Diane.

Go far away.

Sam, please,

there's something important
I need to talk to you about.

All right, come in.

The door is locked.

Oh...

Well, gee, I wonder
how that happened.

- Hello, Sam.
- Hello.

Whoa, whoa, what're you doing?
Why are you sniffing like that?

What's that?

I told you, I had a book.

The World and Its People.

This is surprising, Sam.

You're reading a book whose
title doesn't contain the words

"naughty," "hot,"
or "throbbing?"

I told you, it's just
a book I'm reading.

It's not just a book.
It's a textbook.

Are you back in school?

Promise you won't tell anybody,
will you, please?

Well, Sam, this is nothing
to keep secret.

This is wonderful.

Why are you concealing it?

Well, it's a little
embarrassing, you know.

I mean, a guy my age
going back to school.

It's not embarrassing.

It's noble and fine and I think
it's very inspirational.

Let's tell everyone!

No, come on, come on,
come on.

You know how the guys
will make fun of me. Don't...

Sam, no one enjoys teasing you
more than I do,

and I refrained.

That's true.

All right, what the hey,
let's do it. All right.

I'm so proud of you.

Yeah, thank you.

Unless...

Unless what?

Sam, you're not doing this
to impress me and win me back,

are you?

No, no,
I'm doing it for my diploma.

Well, I hope so...

Because if this is part
of some involved scheme

to get me back in bed
with you,

you will be
very disappointed.

Mm, yeah, but you'll
enjoy yourself.

Attention, everyone.

I have an announcement to make.

Someone
in our little Cheers family

is doing something
to improve himself,

and I want you all
to know about it.

I knew it. I knew it.
I knew it, Carla.

You told Diane about my ear job,
didn't you?

Clifford, Carla didn't
tell me anything.

Uh, well, you were saying?

After a rather lengthy
interruption,

Sam has decided to go
back to school

and pursue his degree.

Bravo, Sam.

You're getting your ears done,
man?

Nah, come on, Sammy,
where's your sense of humor?

It was a joke.

Will you forget about that?

This is exciting news.

Our Sammy is going to attain
his Bachelor of what?

Art? Sciences?

High school.

His Bachelor of--
High School?!

What?

Yeah, I never graduated
from high school.

You know, my senior year,

I got a contract
to play Class A ball.

Spring training didn't start
until February,

and school didn't
get out until June.

- High school.
- Yeah.

I always promised my parents
I'd go back and finish.

She was a lot happier
about this in the other room.

I spent a year of my life
being defiled by Dobie Gillie.

I'm terribly sorry.

I just assumed
you meant college.

Well, I plan to go
to college too.

Well, good.

Let me know when you get there

so I can go out of the house
without a veil.

Hey, uh, Sam,

what's a guy like you
want to go back to high school?

I mean, you've got everything
a man could want,

and you dumped the one thing
no man wants.

I guess I'm just tired
of being embarrassed

about being a dropout.

Oh, it's nothing to be ashamed of, Sam.

A lot of famous people never
graduated from high school.

Yeah, right. Name three, Norm.

Well, according to
The Book of Lists, Sam,

let's see, Thomas Edison,
Noel Coward...

Cher never graduated.

Cher?

Absolutely.
Never finished, Coach.

Well, I feel
a lot better now, gee.

Why?
You never finished either, huh?

No, I was missing a couple
of those whatchamacallits.

Units?

No, years, Diane.

Do you think
it'd be a good idea

if I was going back
to school?

I think it's
a wonderful idea, Coach.

Since Sam is going anyway,
the two of you can go together.

Coach can make up the classes
he missed.

What do you think, Sam?

I think that I'm going to have
my hands full

just getting me
through this class.

Sam, it'll be fun.

You'll have someone
to study with.

Coach, Coach,
I'm just taking geography.

I mean, it's the last thing
I have to complete

so I can get my diploma.

Well, Sam, it would be--

It would only be a start
for me, you know.

As a matter of fact,
as I remember it now,

I was very good
in geography.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Or was it geometry?

Diane, give me a question
in geometry.

What is the sum
of the angles

in an isosceles
triangle?

It was geography.

Hey, everybody.

Clifford.

Diane.

Yeah, well, take your last look
at a flawed Clifford.

Tomorrow I go under the knife.

Why don't you just go
under the bus?

I'm talking about my operation,
Carla.

I'm going to have my ears
tucked back.

Cliff, why don't you
save yourself some money

and just put some chewing gum
behind them?

That doesn't work.

I mean, that probably
wouldn't work.

Da da da-da-da da

Don't let me stop you.
You're on a roll.

That's all right.
Those are the only words I know.

You guys seem to be
in a good mood.

Oh, you noticed, huh?

Well, we did great
on our test tonight.

Ah, you both passed, huh?

Passed?
We both got A's again.

Once again, we got the two
highest grades in the class.

Oh!

Sam, listen, we going
to study together tonight?

Listen, this exam's
going to constitute

80% of our grades.

Coach, come on,

what have I been telling you
all semester long, huh?

Oh, I know, I know.

Studying is for saps.

That's right.
I'll be in my office.

What was the test about, Sam?

I don't know.
I forget.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

You got an A on this test,

and you don't even know
what it covered?

After a quiz, I like to
empty out my head.

How? By blowing your nose?

Got an A, didn't I?

Oh, Coach,
I am so impressed with you.

Oh, thank you, Diane.

Sam didn't seem to retain
much from the test.

Yeah, but he does
just great.

I never realized

what a brain he is.

I study all the time.

He sleeps in the classroom,
he never takes a note,

and still he gets
the great grades.

No wonder he's
Miss Purdy's favorite.

Miss Purdy?

Yeah, our beautiful
schoolteacher.

And Sam is her favorite?

Well, uh, I can't say that,

but Sam's the only one
I ever saw her kiss.

They kiss?

Yeah, I saw them smooching
in the parking lot.

I was putting up a notice there
on the bulletin board.

With probing tongues?

No, Diane, with a thumbtack
and my thumb.

I can't believe
he's sunk to these depths.

I curse the day
I ever walked into this bar.

Then it's unanimous.

Sam Malone,
this is absolutely--

- The worst thing I've ever done.
- The worst thing you've--

Wait a minute.

You don't even know
what I'm going to say.

I just found out
that you have been sleeping--

Sleeping with my teacher.

That's right.

And that's not the worst part of it.

She also has been giving you--

Good marks because of it.

Yes.

Are you admitting
that you're doing this

and that you know it's wrong?

Yeah, that's right.

Oh, yeah?

Well, stop slouching.

Look what's happened
to your posture.

What?

I needed something.

Gee, I, uh...

The whole thing started
so innocently.

I mean, I began dating her

because she was cute
and because we hit it off.

I mean, I had no idea

that I was going to get
better marks because of it.

I just was after
some meaningless sex,

and it's turned into
something sleazy.

Well, you know the old saying,

"The best laid plans
of mice and scum..."

Yeah, boy, ain't that the truth?

You know, I didn't realize
anything was wrong

until I started getting
these quizzes back,

and instead of
marking off wrong answers,

she'd say, "Close enough.
A plus."

It's a sad commentary
on our educational system

when a harlot like this

is allowed
in the public schools.

If I remember correctly,

when we met,
you were dating your professor?

For your information,

I was a legitimate A student
in the classroom.

I never got good grades
in the sack.

Oh, don't worry. I always gave you
an E for effort, didn't I?

Sam, I'm going to tell you
what you have to do.

I know you won't like it,
but you have to--

Call Miss Purdy and tell her
I want an honest grade.

Call--

Sit up straight!

I can't do that, Diane.

I...

I'm not prepared
to take the exam.

Well, Coach will help you.

Oh, Sam, you started out
with such noble intentions.

I hate to see you end up
like this.

Yeah, I know, you're right.

Well, mayb--
right after I take the exam,

then I'll call her, okay?

Oh, come on, I...

Maybe with Coach's help,

I can get by.

Hello, uh, Miss Purdy?

It's little Sammy Malone
from the third row.

Yeah, uh, listen, Alana,
um, about school, uh...

I had this crazy thought.

I'm even embarrassed
to mention it,

but do you think that maybe
our relationship

is in any way affecting
the marks I've been getting?

You know, like making you
unconsciously change some of--

What?

You are?

Well, that--that's nice,
but, what--?

Me?

Uh, yeah, I'm naked too.

Sounds like we're ready
for the class photo.

No, no, there's no one here.

It was an insect,
but I killed it.

Uh, listen,

I'm serious about this.

I would like my grade
to be based

on my knowledge of geography.

No, I mean it.

Did I say
something funny?

Yeah, well, when you see
the results of my tests,

you're going to be laughing

out the other side
of your hemisphere.

Well, if you'll excuse me now,

I've got some studying to do.

Whoa!

Is there anything in particular
I should cram?

All right.
Okay, but just remember,

I gave you that one
as a going-away present.

Boy, that lady has got
a mean mouth on her

for a 73-year-old.

I was joking.
I was joking.

Hey, Coach.

Where's Coach?

Uh, he's in the back there, Sam.
What's wrong?

Nothing.

I've just got to study
for this exam.

It's kind of important.

Well, I'd be happy
to help you study, Sam.

Yeah, I'd be more
than proud to assist.

Are you kidding me?
You guys can't help me.

You know squat
about geography.

Coach...

Hey, good.
Could you help me study?

We've got to start studying
right now.

I thought you didn't need
anybody to study, Sam.

Well, he does now, Coach.

While you were earning
your good grades with hard work,

Sam was earning his
by dating the teacher.

- Well, is that true, Sam?
- Uh, yeah,

but I've wiped the slate clean
here, Coach.

Whatever I get now,
I have to earn,

so please help me
cram for the test, will you?

You mean all semester long,

I've been wearing
my buns to the bone

while you've been polishing
the teacher's apple?

Come on, Coach.

I want to get my diploma,

and you know that whatever
I get on this exam

is my grade for the class.

Find yourself another sap
to study with.

Hey, come on, Coach.

No way. I'm going.

Oh, my God.
I need help.

Carla, what do you
know about geography?

I know what creek you're up.

Hey, uh, guys,

would--would you help me study
for this quiz?

I mean, maybe
you could just, you know,

go over the facts with me
or something?

Oh, uh, I don't know.

I'm sorry, Sam, I think
we're too dumb to help,

don't you, Norm?

I didn't even understand
the question, Cliff ie.

I'd like to go home,
I think I'll go home.

Okey-dokey.

Yup, yup.
Left, right.

Left, right.
Left, right.

Right, right.

I can't even do that.

Let's go home,
Norm.

I guess that just leaves
you and me, huh?

Oh, dear, Sam.

This is a problem.

Frasier and I have tickets

for a piece
of experimental theater tonight.

I feel obligated to go,

because the last act takes place
in Frasier's living room.

Well, I'd hate to have you
miss that.

Sam, if you want me
to cancel out,

I will.

No, it's too late.
You can't help me.

I'm going to fail
this exam.

Gee, I wonder if
Miss Purdy's still naked.

No...

Okay, Sam, I'll help you.

You're always messing up,
and I'm always bailing you out.

You'll mess it up
and I bail you out.

It's getting a little boring.

- I'm telling you...
- Thanks, Coach.

Don't you think it's getting
a little boring, Sam?

Yes, Coach.

Well, the only thing I can say
is that Sam's very lucky

to have such a forgiving friend
as you, Coach.

Thank you, Diane.

Good night, guys.

Now, Sam,

you can learn
about anything in this world

if you just
follow my little trick.

Got it?

- Mm-hm.
- All right.

Albania.

Here, Albania.

Or...

should we say...

Albania

Why'd you say it like that?

We learn our facts

by associating countries
with music.

Why?

Do you want to study alone?

No. No. No.

All right.

One, two, three...

Albania

Albania

You border on the Adriatic

Your land is mostly mountainous

And your chief export is chrome

You're a communist republic,
You're a Red regime

Sing it, Sam.

Ready?

Albania

Albania

You border on the Adriatic...

Cliff ie, I thought you were gonna
get your ears done today.

Well, you know, I decided
this is the way God made me,

and, you know, who am I
to question his judgment?

You were wrong

about the insurance company
covering it, huh?

Mostly that.

Taiwan, Taiwan on the sea

The China Sea

Hey, listen up, everybody.

I got an A on the test and
the best grades in the class.

How did you do, Sam?

Well, I got nosed out by Coach.
I got a D.

Ladies and gentlemen, Sam Malone
is now a high school graduate.

Yes!

Congratulations.

For what?

You passed.

Yeah, a D as in "dumb."

A D as in "diploma."

An honest D is better
than a tainted A.

Mm, boy, I tell you,
I may have my diploma,

but I sure feel
dumber than ever.

Oh, I studied myself
hoarse for that exam,

and still I got a D.

Oh, Sam, you only had
one night to study.

Ah, it wouldn't have made
any difference.

My brain doesn't work
like yours does.

I can't learn things.

Sam, some people may be
better students than others,

but you have
street smarts, savvy...

Common sense.

That's right.

Just because you may not
be able to remember

that Pierre is the capital
of North Dakota

doesn't mean that
you should feel at all--

Wait a minute.
Say that again.

What?

The capital
of North Dakota.

Pierre.

No, it isn't.
It's Bismarck.

Oh. Pierre's South Dak--

Oh, what difference
does it make?

The point is that you have
earned your dip--

Pierre?

I can't believe this.

North Dakota?
Pierre?

Hey, hey,

listen to this for a second.
Go on, tell 'em.

I was just making
an illustration.

Coach, Coach,

what's the capital
of North Dakota?

Easy. Bismarck.

She thinks it's Pierre.

All right, I may have

inadvertently
switched the two.

Oregon. Give me
the capital of Oregon.

Portland.

No, it isn't.
It's Eugene.

Oh, I--I knew that.
I knew that.

It just slipped my mind
for a second.

No, it isn't Eugene.
It's Salem.

Do you believe this?

If ignorance is bliss,
this is Eden.