All language subtitles for Cheers.S03E15.King.of.the.Hill.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Oh, come on, Coach.

Is... is this what I think it is?

Well, what do you think it is?

I think it's something
totally useless

that some salesman
talked you into buying.

Boy, you're good at thinking, Sam.

Oh!

"The Billiard Buddy
Pool Table Adapter."

Yeah, but it's not useless, Sam.

You can make it

into a ping-pong table,
a knock hockey table,

a salad bar.

How much?

Oh, I don't know.

A buck, a buck and a half with croutons.

No, Coach.

I mean,
how much for the whole thing?

Oh. 600 bucks, Sam,
but the salesman...

the salesman said,

"Satisfaction guaranteed."

Or?

Now, that would have been
a good question.

- $600?
- Yeah.

Hard to believe,
isn't it?

Afternoon, everybody.

Norm!

Norman.

What'll it be, Normie?

Just the usual, Coach.

I'll have a trough of beer

and a snorkel.

Cliff ie, uh, maybe
you could help me out.

My, uh...

mother-in-law's
in town.

Ah, sorry.
Yeah.

As if that wasn't bad enough,
she says she wants to go sightseeing.

Well, hey, uh,
tell her to go to Florida.

Well, uh, I've told her to go

a lot further south than that,
actually,

but she's been interested
in American history, so...

Well, Norman, take your mother
to see Bunker Hill.

Where?

Bunker Hill,

the scene of what many consider

one of the most
important battles

in American history.

Wait, wait, wait,
you talking about that place

that I've got to go
all the way around

to get to the Minuteman
Pizza Parlor?

No way.

Hey, Norm,
your car's unlocked.

Someone might
steal your laundry.

What laundry?

That big, lumpy bundle
on the front seat of your car.

Oh, that's my mother-in-law.

She had kind of a rough flight

and she nodded out
the second she hit the upholstery.

And you left her out there

in an unattended
automobile?

I threw a blanket over her

and I left her a note,

in case she comes to.

She's lucky to have you
as a son-in-law,

- Norman.
- Yeah.

I'm going to give her
the red carpet treatment, I guess.

Hey, yo, pal?

Could you do me a favor

and toss these
in the blue Civic out in front?

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Is Sam Malone here?
- Uh, no, he isn't.

What can I buy
from you?

What am I saying?

What can I get you?

- Oh, I'll have a beer.
- Oh.

Say, look, my name
is Lenny Barnes.

Oh, hi, Lenny.

I'm the publicist
for the Chamber of Commerce

charity softball game this Saturday.

I'm looking for Sam Malone.

Oh, now,
I can tell you right now, Lenny,

he wouldn't be interested
in that kind of thing.

I mean, nobody
with any dignity

wants to get into
those sideshow carnival things

where everybody's made
to look stupid. Nobody.

Hey, aren't you
Ernie Pantusso?

I'd be honored
to do it.

Well, I don't think
we need anybody else.

Oh, well.
Huh.

I find it hard to get up
to Fenway these days.

Yeah?
The old memories come back, huh?

No, I keep getting
the wrong bus.

I must have
an old schedule.

Well, I guess those
stories about you are true.

That they are, Lenny.
That they are.

Mr. Barnes,

Coach is right.

Sam never plays
in old-timer type games.

Well, actually,
Sam's already agreed to play.

- What?
- Mm-hm. Yeah.

I'm just here
for some publicity shots.

Uh, well, Lenny,

why don't you take your beer
and have a seat and wait for Sam, huh?

Okay. Thank you.

Oh, I have to make a call.

- Use the telephone.
- Mm-hm.

I'm so surprised at Sam, Diane.

I mean, he always said to me

he'd never get involved
in one of these things.

Maybe Sam misses

being out there
on the baseball field,

standing on the bump.

I think you got
a point there, Diane.

I miss seeing him
out there on the bump too,

but, uh, incidentally,
it's called a mound.

Ah. Mm-hm.

Unless we're not talking
about the same thing.

- No.
- Good.

Ah, thank you, Carla,
for helping me out there.

Are you sure you
want to quit, Sam?

I'm willing to catch
a few more.

I mean, you weren't exactly

toying with the sound barrier
out there, you know.

No, no, no,

I just wanted to loosen up
a little bit, that's all.

Carla, I don't think
you should be engaging

in strenuous activity
when you're with child.

If I didn't
do things with child,

I'd never leave the house.

The only thing
I ever did without child

resulted in one.

Sam, you really going to play
in this charity game?

Yeah. You know,
I was out there warming up, Coach.

My arm feels pretty good.

Are you kidding me?

When a butterfly lands on a ball
in mid-flight,

it's not cooking.

All I care about
is not embarrassing myself.

Good luck.

Listen, I have a right
to be a little rusty.

The only thing I've thrown
in the past 10 years

is Diane's butt out of here.

No, Sam, you are thinking
of the tantrums you threw

when I walked out of here.

Ah.

You know,
the only thing I enjoy hearing

more than you two argue
on the subject

is hearing Cliff talk about Florida.

Oh, as a matter of fact,

I was just about
to tell Normie here

that Florida
is a pollution-free state.

You, uh, you know
how they treat solid waste?

You said
they treated you very well.

- Hey. Hiya, Sam.
- Hey, Lenny. How you doing?

Oh, I'm fine.

Say, look,
I've made arrangements

to have a photographer
and some of your opponents

drop by
for some publicity stills.

Right now?

Oh, yeah.
It won't take but a minute.

They should be here right away.

Tell me, Sam,
what brought about

this sudden altruistic bent

in your personality?

Hey, come on,
I resent that. Sudden?

I've always cared
very deeply for people

less fortunate than myself.

Mm-hm.
Here they are.

Hey.

Oh, Sam,

you great, big humanitarian.

Who says

you can't work
for a worthy cause

and still be
sexually aroused?

You could be having
an appendectomy

and still be
sexually aroused.

Be that as it may.

I, uh, have
to excuse myself now

and go say hello
to my fellow do-gooders.

Boing!

Are those dames
or what?

Oh, this is disgusting.

In what kind
of culture do I live

where they are
the ideal women?

Well, gee, Diane,

you've got to admit
they are beautiful.

Coach, take away
all their makeup,

all their expensive haircuts
and those bodies,

and what have you got?

You.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

They're, uh...
They're Playboy Playmates.

- Get out of here.
- Yeah, no, no.

I recognize Miss February

of a few years back.

Hey, hey.
She's a native of Montana,

hates the hustle and bustle
of the big city.

Uh, her turn-ons include
strong but sensitive men,

classical music,
and, uh, rainy afternoons.

Hard to believe

that Vera and those
are the same sex.

Excuse me.

Does anyone have
a blue Civic

with a bumper sticker that says,

"Accountants Do lt
with interest"?

Uh, yes,
that would be mine,

and, uh, you know,
it's true, by the way.

They're
towing it away.

Uh, did you happen to notice

a little old lady
trying to get out?

No.

Oh, well, great.
Another round, Coach.

Hey, Norm, what about
your mother-in-law?

She's safe.
The cops have her.

So, uh,
my place or yours?

I have a roommate.

Yours it is.

Hey, would you take your drink?

Thank you.

Hey, uh,
are you upset about something?

You know what bugs me
about women like you?

What?

You take off all your clothes,
you pose for a magazine,

thousands of men see you naked.

I have to go to 'em one by one.

It's not fair.

Hey, you're gorgeous, Sam.
Come on.

We're going
to take those pictures.

Why don't you get up there
and, uh, you know,

put your arms around the girls,
okay?

Put my arms around them,
you say?

- Right up there.
- Okey-dokey.

Yeah, squeeze in there
real tight now, Sam.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, that's good.

Okay. Now, tell me, Sam,

how do you feel about the game
on this Saturday?

Well, it's a challenge
of a lifetime.

We're, uh, looking
at natural assets here

that are going to play havoc
with the strike zone.

Nah, nah. I'm, uh...

I'm looking forward
to the game

and, uh, I'm particularly
looking forward

to the shower afterwards.

All right, all right,
all right. Seriously.

I think it's going to be
a great game,

and I just hope
that everybody comes out

to support a very worthy cause.
Terrific, Sam.

Now step down and let me get a
shot of the girls by themselves.

Put them over here by the door.
The lighting's perfect.

I know what
you're thinking

and I don't care.

If you think I'm even concerned,
you are wrong.

Your sortie
into sordidness

has no effect
on my emotions.

You could make love
to all five of those women

and I would feel
nothing...

Uh-huh.

...as, I'm sure,
would they.

Why don't you
come over here

and let me introduce you
to the girls?

I'd like to show them the charity
I was involved with last year.

You are a sand flea!

That's
the thanks I get?

Hey, Coach.

What happened to our pool table?

It's still there,
Larry,

but thanks to our
Billiard Buddy adapter,

it's more fun
than ever now.

It can be
a knock hockey table,

a ping-pong table,
a slot car track.

You name it.

I want a pool table.

All right. Let me get out
my easy-to-follow

conversion instructions here,

and, uh...

tool kit...

uh, moving...

and that...

and that.

Uh, Coach,
how long is this going to take?

Oh, 20 minutes.

20 minutes
to put the pool table together?

No, 20 minutes to figure
what the hell this is.

Ah, forget it.
I'll play ping-pong.

God bless you.

Hey, Coach!

The play of the game, Cliff ie,

was when Angela
had to reach back

to catch that foul ball.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was a thing
of beauty, Normie,

but, uh, the best one,
the best one was, uh...

when Ginger bent down
to catch that grounder.

I had to applaud, Norm.

Oh, let's not forget
when Rosemary and Ginger

- kind of bumped into each other.
- Oh!

Ah!

Either one of you

manage to sneak a peak
at the scoreboard?

- There was a scoreboard?
- Yeah.

Final score was

Sam's team seven,
Playmates zero.

I'm telling you, he was blowing
those girls away.

It was a massacre.

I lost track of
the final strikeouts,

but the important
thing is,

the twinkies lost.

Tee-da!

- Yay, Sam!
- Hey, all right!

Be the man.
Way to pound 'em.

Yeah. Hey, did you hear?

I got 18 strikeouts.

Uh, Sam, I counted 17.

Nah. The ump was blind.

That ball cut the corner.

Hey, Coach, come on,
drinks are on me.

We're celebrating here.

Hey, Sammy?
What happened to the Playmates?

I thought they were supposed to, uh,

sashay down here after the game.

Yeah, they were.

You know,
I guess they're sore losers.

Whatever happened
to sportsmanship, huh?

Well, maybe they're a little put off
by your victory laps.

Oh, come on, man.

That was just a joke.

Hey, though, that was a...

that was a pretty good game,
wasn't it?

I mean,
I really had my stuff back.

Wasn't this game
supposed to be for fun?

Yeah, that's right.
I had a great time.

Hey, guys,

I really had my stuff, huh?

Yeah, magnificent, Sam.

Uh, any chance
the girls'll be by?

Hey, would you...

Would you guys
forget the girls here?

I mean, I just won a game,

didn't let anybody
past first base,

and you're all pretending

that this is
just an ordinary day.

Excuse me.

I'm not an expert
in the field of sports,

but it's my impression
that the fans

paid to see
the little Playmates

wiggling their heinies
around the bases.

Diane, you're the last person
I want to talk to today.

You're not exactly
in the top five any day,

but for your information,

people paid good money
to watch Sam Malone pitch.

I paid for heinies.

Come on!

Hey, people don't pay to watch
their baseball stars stink.

They pay to watch them
relive their old glories.

You know, Sammy,

I was more thrilled
than anybody

to see you out there
flinging it again,

but, uh...

even I was
a little embarrassed

when you put one
in Babette's ear

because she was
crowding the plate.

Hey, the plate
belongs to me.

If Babette can't stand the heat,

she shouldn't have
crossed the baseline.

Come on here.
We're celebrating, guys.

Sam, you mean
you knocked a girl down?

No, Coach.

I didn't knock a girl down.

I knocked
a batter down.

Come on, she was halfway
across the plate.

Oh, well,
halfway across the plate.

She deserves it.

Let's celebrate.

Oh, yes, by all means,
let's celebrate.

This is such
a major accomplishment, Sam.

I think you're ready

to take on
the Campfire Girls All-Stars.

Way to go, Diane.

You guys want to go out there
and face me? Huh, mouths?

Huh? I mean,
any one of you.

Go get a bat.

First person
that gets a hit off me,

I'll give 'em the bar.

Any takers?

Yeah.

Yeah, I thought
that would shut you up,

you gutless wonders.

Why don't you just
go over to the Playboy Club

and hang out
with the losing team?

Coach, I'm going to be
in the back room...

alone.

Oh, good,
Diane's here.

Sam, you are an attractive man,

you have many friends,

you have a lot
going for you,

but you have one miserable
character flaw.

Gee, I wonder
if I could coax you

into telling me what that is.

Sam...

you and I dated
for what seemed an eternity,

and I think I know you
pretty well.

You get into a contest

and you'd rather die
than lose.

I'm surmising,

but I think your fear of losing

drove you to drink
and ruined your career.

I'm going
to tell you something,

and then I'd appreciate it
if you'd leave.

A little competitiveness
is a healthy thing.

Ah, but you have more
than a little competitiveness.

Sam, you're very sick.

I am not.

Yes, you are,
and I can prove it.

Why did you play this game
in the first place?

To impress
a bevy of buxom Bunnies,

who now will never
speak to you again.

You wanted to beat them

more than you wanted
to bed them.

Oh, my God,
I am sick.

Oh.

Sam, you're not
actually sick.

You just have
a problem.

I know, I know,
I know, I know.

I've always had it.

You mean, you approached games
in this same way

when you were a child?

Oh, especially
when I was a child.

My parents

were kind of tough on me.

I could never do anything
to please them.

I mean, if I got a C in school,

they'd say
"Why didn't you get a B?"

If I got a B,
"Why didn't you get an A?"

And if you got an A?

Sorry.

You know, in high school, I...

Once I pitched a two-hitter.

All my dad could talk about
was the lousy two damn hits.

Sam, this is wonderful.

You're sharing with me

an attempt to confront

the very roots of your
self-involvement.

I had no idea

you could relate
on this level.

Yeah.

It kind of feels good
to open up like this.

Yeah.

You know,

when I was about six, uh...

I made my dad breakfast in bed
on Father's Day.

I mean,
I was really proud of myself.

All he could say
was the eggs were too dry

and the...

and the toast was too light.

Sam, I'm feeling a...

a closeness to you now

that compels me to share
a core feeling of my own,

something which I have yet
to make privy to my analyst.

It happened
my 17th summer--

You know, I swear,

if I'd made the toast
any darker,

he would have said
I burned it.

I was brimming
with the innocence of youth.

You know, everybody else
in the world

would have said,
"Hey, that toast is perfectly fine."

Oh, stop
with the damned toast tragedy!

What's your problem?

Well, I'm trying to share
something very painful

and you keep cutting me off.

I was talking about my dad.

Well, I was going to tell you

about the time
I stayed home from the prom.

You interrupted my dad story
for that?

Well, what more was there?

He didn't like your toast.

Okay, fine, fine.

Tell me all about
your little dance story.

This doesn't have anything to do

with, uh, mice
and glass slippers, does it?

I assure you that the details
of my prom story

would make your dad story
look like self-pitying tripe.

All right, all right, okay.

Right now I'm going to admit

that I am a very
competitive person.

You know something
that just occurred to me?

You know the reason

why our relationship
never worked?

Because you always had to have
the last say.

You always had to be on top
and you're still doing it.

You know,

you are just
as competitive as I am.

- Me?!
- Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I'm not competitive.

I'm intense...

and strong willed,

but I think
that mindless games and contests

are very destructive
and diminish the human spirit.

Is that right?

Want to play ping-pong?

Of course I don't want
to play ping-pong.

It's preposterous.

It's not exactly
my best sport.

A lot of people
beat me at it,

but I bet you I could
beat the pants off of you.

And what if you did?
What would it prove?

Ah, it would prove
I'm having a great day,

my dad was wrong,
God's in his heaven,

and you are a loser.

Oh...

As always,

you are just
trying to avoid

the central issue here.

- Come on, chicken.
- Oh...

Don't do this, Sam.

I've played ping-pong.

Ooh.

My father built me
an elaborate rec room

when I was a child.

My daddy liked me.

Yeah, yeah.

I bet you got lots of practice,

staying home
from all those proms, huh?

Yes.

It gave me the opportunity

to master the complexities
of making toast.

Oh, nice serve, Diane.

All right.

- Hah!
- Oh, yeah, you'll be easy.

Hah!
I'm real worried.

Nah!

And, uh, since that time, Norm,
I've, uh...

I've had a fear of death.

- My point.
- Lucky shot.

- Hah!
- Come on, serve.

Come on, come on.
What are we doing?

It's called ping-pong. Serve.

This all started out
with us arguing

over who
is the most competitive.

What are we proving

by knocking a ball
back and forth all night?

It's not going to be
all night.

I'm about to win.
Now, serve, will you?

Let's start by admitting
that we both have a problem

and let's put down our paddles
simultaneously

and walk away from this thing.

Oh. Oh, you're quitting.
Is that it?

As it so happens,
I am a point ahead.

I could win
on this serve.

I am suggesting

a greater triumph for us both.

A victory
over this destructive problem

we both have.

Let's beat our paddles
into plowshares, Sam.

Say again?

Try this for me

and see
if you don't feel better.

I'm putting down my paddle.

Join me in this victory, Sam.

How do you feel?

-I feel okay.
- Yeah.

Yeah. As a matter of fact,
I feel pretty good.

Good.

Buy me
a cup of coffee?

Yeah, you bet.
How about that?

Oh, just one more thing.

I win!

You're not getting
out of this room alive.

Oh, don't be a sore loser.

You're the one
that's going to be sore.

- Ouch!
- That's why they call those paddles.