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1
00:00:02,294 --> 00:00:05,422
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,923 --> 00:00:07,758
Could I have some suds there,
Coach, please?
3
00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:09,051
Yeah.
4
00:00:09,218 --> 00:00:12,346
So, Normie, how's it going?
You got Vera pregnant yet?
5
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:17,518
- Not yet.
- Well, what's going on there, Norm?
6
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,145
It's been a few months.
I'm getting a little disappointed here.
7
00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,606
Cliff ie, I'm doing my darnedest,
all right?
8
00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:24,900
Anything to get Vera
off my back.
9
00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:26,276
Your back?
10
00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:30,197
Norm, I think I see a little problem
with your technique.
11
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,949
Coach, can I have a pencil
12
00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:34,076
and a rather large
piece of paper, please?
13
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:36,828
All right, all right, look.
14
00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:38,705
Anyone see Orosco
hit a homer last night?
15
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,416
Oh, what a fluke, huh?
A relief pitcher.
16
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:43,043
Yeah, unbelievable, huh?
17
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,962
Well, Sammy, what kind
of hitter were you?
18
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,589
I remember hitting .211 one year.
19
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:49,466
In your dreams.
20
00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:52,469
Coach, one Scotch, rocks, please.
21
00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:55,264
Yeah, Sammy, I don't think
you ever hit over a .150.
22
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,891
Wait, wait, wait, I got 20 bucks
says he did, big guy.
23
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,893
Ooh, you're on, sucker.
All right, all right,
24
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,812
kiss that Andrew Jackson
goodbye.
25
00:01:03,272 --> 00:01:06,858
It is beyond me why the two of you
insist on making a contest
26
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:08,902
out of the most
meaningless issues.
27
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:12,072
Oh, no, no, no,
on the contrary there, Diane.
28
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,866
We also address ourselves
to some of the most vital
29
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:16,535
and meaningful issues of our times.
30
00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,704
For instance, if Southeast Asia
31
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:20,914
were to be obliterated
by a nuclear attack,
32
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,624
Norm here would have
to push a peanut
33
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,294
up Boylston Street with his nose.
34
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,421
Yep. But only as far
as the corner, Cliff ie.
35
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,464
Come on, peace.
36
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,995
Hi. Is this the Pequod?
37
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,247
Well, this
is Sam Malone here.
38
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,416
Yeah, I'd like to make
reservations for two
39
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,502
in one of your cozier rooms
for the weekend.
40
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,796
All right, that's great.
41
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,798
Yeah, I'll see you Friday night, late.
42
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:58,261
Sam, I happened to hear you
mention the Pequod.
43
00:02:58,428 --> 00:02:59,388
Yeah, that's right.
44
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:02,391
That wouldn't be
that charming little inn
45
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,518
that you and I went to
last fall?
46
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,020
Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
47
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,188
I didn't think.
48
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,065
This is going
to bother you, isn't it?
49
00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:11,900
Oh, of course not.
50
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:14,152
Whatever you do now
is your own concern.
51
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,947
Take a different woman there
every night of the week.
52
00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:19,282
Actually, it's easier
to have them meet me there.
53
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,245
Oh, this is going to bug you,
54
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,247
me going there
with somebody else, isn't it?
55
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:27,165
Not at all.
56
00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:29,918
Oh, yeah, this is bugging
the hell out of you.
57
00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:31,628
I tell you what,
I tell you what.
58
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,004
I-- I'll go
someplace else.
59
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:34,881
- I understand.
- Don't be ridiculous.
60
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,508
It doesn't "bug me,"
61
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,176
as you so eloquently put it.
62
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:39,553
Oh, yeah?
Tell me this.
63
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,430
Would you take Frasier there?
64
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,140
As a matter of fact,
65
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:45,142
Frasier and I have been
to several places
66
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,685
that you and I frequented.
67
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,062
It's so refreshing
to go to a museum with someone
68
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,856
who doesn't slide
across the marble floors
69
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,899
in their stockinged feet.
70
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,735
Hey, those paintings
look a lot better
71
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,111
if you go by fast.
72
00:03:57,821 --> 00:03:59,531
Anyway, listen,
73
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:01,742
I will make sure
that they don't put me
74
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,535
in the same room
at the Pequod.
75
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,162
I could care less.
76
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,581
Room number 12.
77
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:11,543
Hey, you know,
that was a great room, 12.
78
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:14,379
You remember when
that nor'easter blew through
79
00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:18,633
and we had to stay inside
by that big old fireplace?
80
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:19,968
Yeah.
81
00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:24,264
We listened to the wind
lashing against the panes,
82
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:25,891
the rain on the roof.
83
00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:28,935
Yeah, huddled
under that big comforter.
84
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,771
I never felt safer.
85
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:31,980
Me either.
86
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:35,817
You weren't there, Coach.
87
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,903
Oh, I thought you meant now.
88
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:42,491
Sam, please, go.
89
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:44,367
Have a good time.
90
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:47,162
Just don't do anything
I wouldn't do.
91
00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,331
Gee, I'm afraid
I've lost that list.
92
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,292
Hey!
93
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,002
I remember you!
94
00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:55,754
You're that
blonde waitress.
95
00:04:56,713 --> 00:05:00,300
And you're Carla's
incredibly loathsome ex-husband.
96
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,219
How do you like that?
97
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:03,929
We both stuck
in each other's minds.
98
00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:05,597
Sit down.
99
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:07,015
You want anything?
100
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,100
Thank you.
I'll have a Coke.
101
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,561
Be sophisticated.
We're in a bar.
102
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:13,313
Coca-Cola.
103
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,483
No, no,
order some kind of drink.
104
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,860
I'd like something in a coconut.
105
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:20,946
You're something in a coconut.
106
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,531
Two Scotches.
107
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:25,075
Hey, Nick, this is a surprise.
108
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:26,868
How you doing, Sam?
109
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,787
You dumped Carla by now, right?
110
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,330
Well, we're no longer
going together,
111
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,499
but Carla dumped me.
112
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,417
She dumped you?
113
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,545
Sam, you boggle me.
114
00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:37,671
Well, wait a second.
115
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,214
I did dump
that blonde waitress there.
116
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,011
Nick!
117
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,055
What the hell do you want?
118
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:48,139
Hey!
119
00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:51,309
Is that the kind
of hello I deserve?
120
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:53,895
No, bend over,
and I'll give it to you.
121
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,605
I got to talk to you.
122
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,107
I would have
come by the house,
123
00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:58,733
but I didn't want
Loretta to see
124
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,485
my humble beginnings.
125
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,363
I need a simple favor.
126
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,323
Unless it's setting
your eyebrows on fire,
127
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:06,491
forget it.
128
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,035
I used to drive you crazy.
129
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,161
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
130
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,997
I came because I want a kid.
131
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,585
Shouldn't you be
baking your biscuits
132
00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,670
in Blondie's oven now?
133
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,632
I'm talking about one of ours.
134
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:25,093
I'm talking about
the fruit of my loins.
135
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:26,928
Would you guys like
to step into my office
136
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,555
- so you can have a little privacy?
- No.
137
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:29,681
Please.
138
00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:31,433
What's this about, huh?
139
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:32,934
As you know,
140
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:36,229
I am now married to the goddess,
compared to you, Loretta.
141
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:40,275
She's physically unable
to have any kids.
142
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:41,902
As this is breaking her heart,
143
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,446
plus I don't want anybody
thinking I'm not doing my job,
144
00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:47,240
I figured I'd just
take one of our old ones.
145
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:53,163
You want me to give you
and that Twinkie
146
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,956
one of my children?
147
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:56,666
Product of my seed!
148
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:58,001
Hey, hey, please, please.
149
00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:00,712
Look, Nick, this is outrageous,
even for you.
150
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,339
What's the big deal?
You got five.
151
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:05,842
Carla, don't let this recidivist
strong-arm you.
152
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:10,221
There is no bond greater
than that of mother and child.
153
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,891
He's talking of your babies,
154
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,851
the issue of your womb.
155
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:17,812
Oh, would anyone mind
if I went into my office?
156
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:23,485
Carla, see reason.
157
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,904
Look, why don't you take out
an ad in the paper?
158
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:27,238
You never really know
159
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:28,990
what the kid's going to look like,
160
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:31,493
but I can't believe
that you'd be fussy.
161
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:37,707
What is this,
Days of Our Lives?
162
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:38,917
I want my own.
163
00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:40,418
I don't want
somebody else's.
164
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,379
Mind your own
businesses.
165
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:47,175
Carla, I didn't think
you'd be so cold-hearted,
166
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:48,468
but since you are,
167
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,136
I have no choice but to do
168
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,930
what I'm trying to avoid
at all costs.
169
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,556
What? Breathe through your nose?
170
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,141
No!
171
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,477
I'm taking you to court.
172
00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,649
Hey, you can't do that.
173
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:03,650
Oh, no?
174
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,151
I happen to have an attorney,
Carla,
175
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,445
and he reassureses me
that I got a very good case.
176
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,072
In fact, he thinks
177
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:12,367
I can get all five kids
and you as a maid.
178
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:16,496
I'm letting you off easy.
179
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,748
Hey, Tom,
you're a lawyer, right?
180
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,083
Can he do this?
181
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,836
Well, Sam, family law
is not my specialty here.
182
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:23,837
However--
183
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:24,879
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait,
184
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:26,840
wait, hold on there,
Oliver Wendell Homely.
185
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:30,969
Exactly what is your specialty,
blowing the bar exam?
186
00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,471
Hey, I'm going to pass it this time,
wise guy.
187
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:34,723
Don't you worry about it.
188
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,016
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm not worried.
189
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,809
You've taken it in every state
in New England.
190
00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:39,978
Look, Carla, you're talking
to a man here
191
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,439
who thinks affidavit's
a Jewish wine.
192
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,484
Now--
if he knows anything,
193
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,445
he knows more
than you.
194
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:49,446
Thank you, Carla.
195
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,031
Finish what you were
saying there, Tom.
196
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,365
Yeah, yeah,
we can't wait.
197
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,034
Actually, Carla...
198
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,327
there's a good chance
he could get custody here,
199
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,580
if he can prove that
you're an unfit mother.
200
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,081
Thank you, counselor.
201
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,459
And who do you think
they're going to pick?
202
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:05,962
Me, a sincere,
hard-working family man,
203
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,714
or you, a hard-up waitress
204
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,716
who leaves her kids
night after night
205
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,593
to come to a sleazy bar, huh?
206
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:12,886
Hey, hey, watch it!
207
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,638
Yeah, she's off Thursday nights.
208
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:18,349
I can also prove
209
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:21,853
that you consort with men
of questionable character.
210
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,605
What are you talking about?
211
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:25,356
You got the morals
of a sewer rat.
212
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,317
Not to worry.
If you knew your law,
213
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,152
you would have read up
on a little thing
214
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:32,238
in the Bill of Rights
called the double standard.
215
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:35,992
Yeah, watch the bureaucrats
take that away from us too.
216
00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:38,828
You're bluffing.
217
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:40,705
Court costs money,
you know.
218
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:42,916
And unless
the TV repair business
219
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,835
has increased dramatically,
you make diddly.
220
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,921
You know, every time
you open your mouth,
221
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,130
you show your ignorance.
222
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:52,217
It so happens that
the Tortelli Television Hospital
223
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:54,302
has just come off
a record-breaking quarter.
224
00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:56,304
I'm going to tell you
how good we're doing.
225
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:59,599
I got 10 men working under me,
and two of them is American.
226
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:03,728
Nick, even if I wanted
to give you those kids,
227
00:10:03,895 --> 00:10:05,146
they wouldn't want
to go with you.
228
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,981
The young ones
don't know who you are.
229
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,192
The old ones
hate your guts.
230
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,985
I don't believe
what I'm hearing.
231
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,237
Anthony loves me.
232
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,822
No, he doesn't.
He's the oldest.
233
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:16,032
He's the one who best remembers
you walking out on him.
234
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,283
He thinks you're a creep.
235
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,410
- He thinks I'm cool.
- He calls you a scuzzball!
236
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,246
He didn't learn
language like that from me!
237
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:22,872
He didn't learn anything
from you!
238
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,916
Hey, hey, come on!
We're getting complaints
239
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:27,627
from the nuclear
testing range next door.
240
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,671
Nick, we're going to be late
241
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,756
for that Menudo concert.
242
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,676
Oh, yeah, Menudo.
243
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,928
I won the tickets on the radio.
244
00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,429
What is it, anyway?
245
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,391
Go to your concert.
246
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:44,060
You ain't getting
no kid of mine.
247
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,438
I know how to cut this short.
248
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,566
Carla, I want
to talk to you alone.
249
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,151
Oh, no, no,
forget about it.
250
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,443
I got nothing
251
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,070
I want to talk to you
about alone.
252
00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:56,322
Just a little chat, Carla.
253
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,074
Between you and I.
254
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,911
Private matters.
255
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,290
Well...
256
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,710
okay.
257
00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:10,962
Sam, can we use
your office?
258
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,297
Why?
259
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:14,299
What secrets
could you possibly have left?
260
00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:15,842
No, no, no, no,
don't answer that.
261
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,427
Use my office.
262
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,096
Gee, Sam, Carla looked
awful nervous going in there.
263
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:21,181
Who wouldn't be?
264
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:22,932
Whenever Nick
gets a woman alone,
265
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:26,186
he can wrap them
around his little finger.
266
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,479
Well, Carla's
a pretty tough little nut.
267
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,523
I think it'll take
more persuasion
268
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,816
than Nick can muster
269
00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:33,651
to break the primordial bond
270
00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:35,320
between a mother
271
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,530
and her first-born offspring.
272
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,241
Mommy, the kid is ours!
273
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,327
- Daddy!
- We're a family now.
274
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,704
Let's go stuff our faces
till we get sick.
275
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,039
Sounds good.
276
00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:54,380
What you all looking at?
277
00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:58,092
You never seen
a jellyfish before?
278
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,940
Normie, Normie, Normie,
279
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,067
I hate to be the one
to tell you this,
280
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:17,487
but Sam's batting average
never went past 149.
281
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:20,657
- There it is, right in the stat book.
- 149, but--
282
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,116
Right. You know,
283
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,410
and I don't want to be
the kind of guy who rubs it in,
284
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,662
so just let me say...
285
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:31,542
Yeah? Yeah?
286
00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,544
Well, I have a little bad news
for you, Cliff ie.
287
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,755
It so happens I made a side bet
with the Coach
288
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,340
that if you won,
you'd be obnoxious,
289
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,968
so I come out even.
290
00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:46,766
Hey, troops, I'm back!
291
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,601
What? What's so funny?
292
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,437
Normie just lost a bundle
to Cliff ie on a bet.
293
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:52,730
Yeah?
294
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,607
But the Coach
just lost a bundle to me.
295
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,362
Yeah, but the funniest thing is, Sam,
296
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,698
is the whole thing
was based on the fact
297
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,867
that you couldn't hit a baseball
to save your life!
298
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,579
You know what's even funnier
than that, Sam?
299
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:09,747
What?
300
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:11,749
Cliff ie spends
30 bucks on a book
301
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:13,126
to win a $20 bet.
302
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:16,045
Yeah? Yeah?
303
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:17,297
Well, you lent me the money.
304
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,090
You know I'm never
going to pay you back.
305
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,427
Oh, you...
306
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:27,390
You know, the way
you positively revel
307
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:30,893
in each other's defeat
is totally reprehensible.
308
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:35,398
Are you ever as pleased
with each other's good fortune?
309
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,567
Who's had any?
310
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:47,076
Oh... Oh, boy.
311
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:49,078
Boy, I tell you,
it's good to be home.
312
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:50,538
Oh...
313
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:53,082
How was the Pequod, Sam?
314
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:54,292
Pequod? Oh, yeah... Great.
315
00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:56,377
Was it everything
you remembered it to be?
316
00:13:56,544 --> 00:14:00,173
Come on, Diane,
why torment yourself?
317
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,841
So you really went, huh?
318
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,301
Yeah, of course, I did.
319
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:06,596
Did you enjoy the fruit basket
Frasier and I sent to your room?
320
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,139
- The fruit basket?
- Yes,
321
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:10,224
- the fruit basket.
- The fruit basket?
322
00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:11,976
The fruit basket.
323
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:15,688
Yeah, okay, okay, yeah, we--
We loved the fruit basket.
324
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,899
We didn't send a fruit basket.
Damn!
325
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,442
I knew it.
326
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,860
Sam...
327
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,695
your heart wouldn't let you
go to that place
328
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:23,946
with another woman.
329
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,032
I find that very sweet.
330
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,579
She won that one, didn't she?
331
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,456
Ah, not necessarily.
332
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,375
Not so much.
333
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,637
Hey, everybody.
334
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:50,139
Oh, hi, Carla.
335
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:51,766
Isn't it a great day?
336
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:54,894
You know, as I got up
this morning
337
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:59,148
and I was feeding my four--
count them, four kids--
338
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:03,319
I said to myself,
"Carla, you are so lucky.
339
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:07,073
I mean, think of all those poor,
miserable human beings
340
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,033
who have five or more kids.
341
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,202
Instead of just four like me."
342
00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:13,162
Carla, you don't even
miss this kid at all?
343
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:16,290
You kidding?
I can't even remember his name.
344
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:18,960
- Anthony.
- My baby!
345
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:23,172
The one time I remember something!
346
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:24,549
Come on.
347
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,135
Upsy-daisy.
348
00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:29,178
If you felt this way,
349
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:31,931
why on earth did you
give that child away?
350
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:36,018
Because I could never
say no to that man.
351
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:41,107
You know, I never even wanted
to go out with him in the first place.
352
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,859
He won me over.
353
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,861
I didn't want to go
to bed with him.
354
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,863
He won me over.
355
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:50,283
I didn't want to marry him.
I didn't want to have five kids.
356
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:54,579
Our whole history is me saying no
and him winning me over.
357
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:56,038
You know, like the other day in there?
358
00:15:56,205 --> 00:16:01,919
He held my hand
and he got real close to me
359
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:05,590
and then he batted
those eyelashes at me,
360
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:08,259
and he said,
361
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:11,762
"Carla, you know
why I want that kid?
362
00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:14,432
'Cause he is a part of you.
363
00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:17,101
He's the only part
of you I have."
364
00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:19,729
Nick said that?
365
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:22,315
Look, let's not
even discuss it.
366
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,484
It's over. The kid is his.
367
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,694
He's coming by today
to have me sign the papers.
368
00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:28,112
Damn it, Carla,
369
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:30,072
if you don't want to sign,
don't sign.
370
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:31,407
I mean, stand up to the guy.
371
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,034
Well, of course
I'm going to resist.
372
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,368
But all I have to do
373
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,746
is be alone with him
for a second and I melt.
374
00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:39,582
Then there's
one simple solution.
375
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,000
We shan't let you
alone with him.
376
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,001
Right, everyone?
377
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,669
We shan't.
378
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:49,884
Let's get this signed
and over with.
379
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:57,183
Carla? Don't you have something
you wanted to tell Nick?
380
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,728
Do it.
381
00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,396
Yeah, yeah...
Yes, there is!
382
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,402
I am not signing that paper.
383
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,488
You can't have Anthony.
384
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,406
I don't care what you say.
385
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:14,242
I don't care what
the courts say.
386
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:15,618
I want my kid back.
387
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:17,161
Yes!
388
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,373
Nick, I thought you said
389
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,458
Carla didn't give a hoot
for the kids.
390
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,585
There's a new development.
391
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,339
I can't do this.
392
00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:29,549
What can't you do?
393
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:30,925
What do you have to do?
394
00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:32,218
I just realized
395
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,887
that Carla and I
are both women...
396
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:39,267
And I can't do this to her.
397
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,602
I can't be a party
to child stealing.
398
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:42,728
What, are you crazy?
399
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,522
The kid's as much mine as hers.
400
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,065
I'm sorry.
401
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,733
I refuse.
402
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,695
I've got to put my foot down
about something.
403
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:55,533
And when I make up my mind,
that's my final decision.
404
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,326
While you're thinking
about it,
405
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,412
why don't you and I
406
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:02,415
go into Sam's office
and have a private talk?
407
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:06,210
I don't think that's going
to work this time, Nick.
408
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:09,171
Please?
409
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:11,340
Well...
410
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:12,425
okay,
411
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:14,468
but it's a waste of time.
412
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:16,512
We'll be right back.
413
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,431
Nicky, you can keep
talking and talking
414
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,349
until you're blue
in the face,
415
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:22,435
but it's not going
to change my mind.
416
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,604
You're not going
to say anything...
417
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,483
Carla, sign the paper.
418
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,236
What is this?
419
00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:36,282
Boy, even a shot of vitamin Sammy
doesn't work that fast.
420
00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:39,535
Carla... sign the paper.
421
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,037
No, I won't.
422
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,204
- Sign it!
- No!
423
00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:44,123
Hang tough, Carla.
424
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:47,418
Carla, how about you and I,
425
00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:49,629
we go into Sam's office
426
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:52,923
and... have a private talk?
427
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,842
Don't do it, Carla.
428
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,969
Carla, stay out here with us.
429
00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,975
No, I have to go in there
with him.
430
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:08,022
If I can stand up to him
this one time...
431
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,567
I can break his spell.
432
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:13,736
And I think
I can do it.
433
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:16,280
Carla, you got to know
you can do it, Carla.
434
00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:18,032
I think I can do it.
435
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:23,329
Okay.
436
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,538
Carla's in there
437
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:27,291
facing the greatest crisis
of her life.
438
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:30,461
I want everybody to be quiet
for a moment,
439
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:33,089
close your eyes,
and send her
440
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,758
your most positive
mental energy.
441
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,551
Good idea.
442
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:39,053
Guess it can't hurt.
443
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,388
Okay, now come on,
everyone.
444
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:41,639
This is important.
445
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:45,518
One... two... three.
446
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,983
Norman.
447
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,325
Come on, Carla,
don't be so cold.
448
00:20:01,492 --> 00:20:02,660
I'm a lonely guy.
449
00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:04,120
You're not lonely.
450
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:05,621
You're disgusting.
451
00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:09,166
All right,
just hear me out on this.
452
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:14,296
Anthony is the product
of our love.
453
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:15,339
None of that, either.
454
00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:16,716
I've had enough
of your sweet talk
455
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:18,008
to last me my whole life.
456
00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:19,802
I just don't want
to hear that stuff, Nick.
457
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,178
All right.
458
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:23,639
Fine.
459
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:28,811
No more sweet talk,
no more touching.
460
00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:30,062
Right.
461
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:31,897
How about I just...
462
00:20:34,275 --> 00:20:37,111
Stop it, Nick.
Don't give me the look.
463
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:39,196
No, not the look!
464
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:42,032
Call me
465
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:43,826
Irresponsible
466
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:45,536
Ooh,
and the song!
467
00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,538
Oh, the look and the song!
468
00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:49,749
Call me unreliable
469
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,250
Call me--
470
00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:57,548
I'll get the pen.
471
00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:00,968
Hey, wait a minute,
do that again.
472
00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,054
Can't get enough of it, huh?
473
00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:16,609
Nothing.
474
00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:19,278
Nothing?!
475
00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:20,946
Zero!
476
00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:36,754
You should have stopped
at your dumb look.
477
00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:38,798
What're you talking about?
478
00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:40,925
I'm talking about this!
479
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,262
Wow. I'm impressed.
480
00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:48,974
I didn't think
you had it in you.
481
00:21:49,183 --> 00:21:52,228
This is the first time
you stood up to me.
482
00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:54,730
You resisted my charms.
483
00:21:57,191 --> 00:21:58,275
You win.
484
00:21:59,693 --> 00:22:01,070
Hey, hey,
wait a minute there,
485
00:22:01,237 --> 00:22:02,446
wait a minute.
486
00:22:02,613 --> 00:22:05,199
I know better than that.
487
00:22:05,366 --> 00:22:07,368
Your heart wasn't in it.
488
00:22:07,535 --> 00:22:09,537
You know how much
that kid meant to me.
489
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:12,748
What are you talking about?
I did my best.
490
00:22:12,915 --> 00:22:15,501
Maybe I don't have it anymore.
491
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,962
You have more of it now
than you ever did.
492
00:22:18,128 --> 00:22:19,588
You just went easy on me.
493
00:22:19,755 --> 00:22:21,632
I busted a gut!
494
00:22:21,799 --> 00:22:25,636
Nick, you went easy on me,
didn't you?
495
00:22:27,304 --> 00:22:28,764
Maybe I did.
496
00:22:30,307 --> 00:22:32,226
Maybe I didn't.
497
00:22:36,522 --> 00:22:38,065
Well...
498
00:22:38,232 --> 00:22:40,568
if you did...
499
00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:42,111
thanks.
500
00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:45,781
And if you didn't...
501
00:22:49,743 --> 00:22:51,161
Take care.
502
00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:57,418
Hey, everybody.
I got my kid back!
503
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:03,841
Come on, Loretta.
504
00:23:06,552 --> 00:23:08,929
Congratulations, Carla.
505
00:23:09,096 --> 00:23:10,431
What's your secret?
506
00:23:10,598 --> 00:23:11,849
She knows
when to shut up.
507
00:23:12,016 --> 00:23:13,017
When?
508
00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:14,768
- Now!
- Oh.
509
00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:18,522
I hope today has been
510
00:23:18,689 --> 00:23:20,316
a good lesson for you.
511
00:23:20,482 --> 00:23:23,360
I hope it has somehow
diffused the notion
512
00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:26,906
that you have some magic power
you can wield over women
513
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,657
to make them bend
to your will.
514
00:23:28,824 --> 00:23:32,661
Mr. Tortelli,
I find you beneath contempt.
515
00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:34,038
You know,
516
00:23:34,204 --> 00:23:35,873
before you're so hard on me,
517
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,792
I'd like to tell you
something about myself.
518
00:23:38,959 --> 00:23:41,295
What?
519
00:23:42,546 --> 00:23:44,048
It's confidential.
520
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:51,764
What?
521
00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:54,475
I can't hear
what you're saying.
522
00:23:54,642 --> 00:23:56,727
All I can feel
is your warm...
523
00:23:56,894 --> 00:23:59,104
that is to say,
your hot...
524
00:23:59,271 --> 00:24:00,397
breath on my...
525
00:24:00,564 --> 00:24:01,857
Oh!
36503
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