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1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,254
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:07,049
I'm sorry
it has to be like this--
3
00:00:07,216 --> 00:00:09,343
- Why?
- Mm...
4
00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:13,263
Back up
the garbage truck, Cliff ie.
5
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,265
Entering Dump City.
6
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:17,851
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,478
Come on, let's have
a little sensitivity here.
8
00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:21,522
I mean, that's a living,
feeling human being there
9
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,982
who's about to be blown
out of the water.
10
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,318
Coach, you want
to stand aside?
11
00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:27,861
I can't see anything here.
12
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,197
Sam, I know it's my fault.
13
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,199
I should have said something sooner.
14
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,576
No, I'm sorry.
lt-- It's just that I told you,
15
00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:37,204
it's a rule with me.
Now, it's the right thing to do.
16
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,122
I-- I think we both realize that.
17
00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:40,582
- I suppose you're right.
- Yeah.
18
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,418
But don't you think
that if we just worked--
19
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,587
No, come on. Let's make a--
Let's make a clean break.
20
00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:48,924
Stop now, and we'll still have
all those terrific memories.
21
00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,676
Now, go, go.
22
00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:52,719
Come on, don't make it
any tougher.
23
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,180
- Goodbye, Sam.
- Goodbye.
24
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,349
Available in paperback
25
00:00:57,516 --> 00:01:00,310
wherever nauseating trash
is sold.
26
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,971
You wanna tell me what was wrong
with that one, Sammy?
27
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,014
Well...
28
00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:20,807
She looked perfect to me.
Body was a ten.
29
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,017
- Yeah, so was her face.
- Yeah.
30
00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:23,477
So was her I.Q.
31
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:25,854
Sam's kind of gal.
32
00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:27,939
She was married.
33
00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:31,068
Nah, nah, nah.
She just told me just now.
34
00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:32,736
I mean, that--
that's something I don't do.
35
00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:34,404
I don't mess around
with married women.
36
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:35,947
Me either.
37
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:40,702
Well, it's refreshing to know
you draw the line somewhere.
38
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,788
Hey, hey, I draw lots of lines.
39
00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:44,998
As a matter of fact, there are
three categories of women
40
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:49,086
I never get involved with--
married, underage, and comatose.
41
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,922
He's added one.
42
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,759
Sam,
may I have my purse, please?
43
00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:58,804
What're you
grinning about?
44
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:01,181
Oh, I was just confirming
once again
45
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,518
what a fortunate thing it was
that you and I split up.
46
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:08,897
Now my love life is stable
and yours belongs in one.
47
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,239
I'll have to share that one with Frasier.
48
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:19,366
Puns are his greatest pleasure.
49
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,451
You mean now that
he's sleeping with you?
50
00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:34,923
Carla, that was a mean-spirited,
tasteless insult.
51
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,216
Why aren't you chortling?
52
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,009
Leave me alone.
53
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,762
I've got the worst toothache
in the history of the world.
54
00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:43,932
Oh, must be
an impacted wisdom fang.
55
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:45,767
Die! You're going to die!
56
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,937
Carla, why don't you do
with a toothache
57
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:51,898
what I used to do
when I played in the minors?
58
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:52,941
What's that, Coach?
59
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,818
Saw a dentist.
60
00:03:58,780 --> 00:03:59,656
You're right, Coach.
61
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,742
I'm going
to have to go tomorrow.
62
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:04,661
You know, I got my bad dental habits
from my parents.
63
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:07,080
They taught me to brush
after every war.
64
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,958
Coachie, how about one
for the road, huh?
65
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:11,126
Right.
66
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,421
So, Normie, how's Vera doing?
67
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,047
Well, she's all right,
68
00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:17,924
but she's nagging
to get a new house.
69
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,927
Well, having any luck
in finding one?
70
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,597
Well, we've got to
get rid of the old one first.
71
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,098
Well, you know, Norm,
72
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,725
I've been thinking
about getting another place.
73
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,685
It's yours.
74
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:31,021
I'd like to take a look at it first.
75
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,231
The man's a shrewd buyer, Coach.
76
00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,817
Yeah. What's wrong
with where you're living, Cliff?
77
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,444
Well, nothing really, Coach.
I just thought
78
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,780
it'd be about time
I got a place of my own.
79
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:40,989
Oh.
80
00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,908
A place of your own?
Where do you live now?
81
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,701
Oh, you know where I live.
82
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,077
No, I've never been there.
83
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:47,245
I...
84
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:48,622
live at home.
85
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,042
At home? Whose home?
86
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,711
My parents' home.
No big deal.
87
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:55,796
Good night, guys.
88
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,047
Parents?
89
00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,466
Cliff ie, wait, you live
with Mommy and Daddy?
90
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,093
I live with my mother, Norm.
91
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,261
Well, why?
92
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:04,888
Oh, it's not out of choice, Norm.
93
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,057
It's out of more
of a sense of responsibility.
94
00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:08,266
You see,
95
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,101
my father abandoned us
a couple of years ago,
96
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,229
and I've sort of become
the man of the house.
97
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,439
So, you got, like,
a curfew or anything like that?
98
00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:15,982
Curfew, come on, Norm,
99
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,693
I can stay out as long as I want
as long as I call by 10:00.
100
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:21,738
Good night, Sam.
101
00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,115
Good night, Coach.
102
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:33,834
Oh, I'm sorry, we're closed.
103
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:34,918
That's okay.
104
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,211
I'm not a customer.
105
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,255
I'm looking
for Sam Malone.
106
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:39,798
Well, you found him.
I'm Sam Malone.
107
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:41,633
I'm Maxine's husband.
108
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:45,595
Not the Sam Malone,
a Sam Malone.
109
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,264
Not the one
you're looking for, though.
110
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,099
I mean, he hasn't been
around here for--
111
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:50,934
Why'd you do it, Sam?
112
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:53,812
Oh, now, wait, wait!
You just listen to me.
113
00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:55,939
I did not know
that she was married.
114
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,732
Come on, she just
told me today,
115
00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,025
and the second I found out,
116
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,902
I called it off. I mean, that was it.
117
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:01,945
I mean, ask her.
118
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,824
I may have done a lot
of lousy things in my life,
119
00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:08,076
but I do not mess around
with other men's wives.
120
00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:10,954
So, what are you saying?
It's all her fault?
121
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:13,790
No, no, I-- I'm not saying
it's anybody's fault.
122
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:17,168
It was just a--
a big mistake, that's all.
123
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:20,422
I know-- I know we've all been
hurt by this...
124
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:22,757
and I'm sorry.
125
00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:27,304
What am I doing?
126
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,431
I mean, who am I kidding?
127
00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:32,142
She's a tramp.
128
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,978
I mean, I think I've always known it
129
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,605
and I've never admitted it.
130
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,650
You got anything to drink?
131
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,615
Yeah, I think I got
a bottle here someplace.
132
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,118
Scotch all right?
133
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:52,287
Yeah. Yeah, bring it over,
will you?
134
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:57,626
You're not a... mean drunk,
are you?
135
00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:01,504
Nah. Just a stupid one.
136
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,465
By the way, don't flatter yourself
137
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:05,050
thinking that you're the first, huh?
138
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:06,927
I mean, there have been others.
139
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,429
Just out of curiosity,
140
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,264
they still with us?
141
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:19,439
If she just weren't
so damn gorgeous, Sam.
142
00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,567
Yeah, I know, I know. It's...
143
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:26,738
it's tough being married
to a beautiful woman.
144
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:29,574
- Oh.
- You know-- You know, it--
145
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,576
It's like that sweet old
love ballad says.
146
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:37,165
"If you want to be happy
for the rest of your life,
147
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:41,127
never make a pretty woman
your wife.
148
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,546
From my personal
point of view,
149
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,048
get an ugly girl
to marry you."
150
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:46,967
Remember that?
151
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,344
Oh, I should have listened!
152
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,598
I'm really sorry, Sam.
153
00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:54,599
Oh...
154
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:56,476
I've been
out of my mind.
155
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,645
Women!
Look what they bring us to.
156
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,438
Oh, I'll tell you,
you know,
157
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:02,107
they put you
through hell, don't they?
158
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:03,274
Yeah.
159
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,402
You know, I get the feeling
they-- they enjoy it too.
160
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:06,569
Yeah.
161
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:09,489
Why don't I-- why don't I just
hold on to this, huh?
162
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,993
Put it some place where it's not
going to do any damage.
163
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,494
Yeah.
164
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,456
Gee, I wish I hadn't done that.
165
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:24,879
Hey, everybody!
166
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:25,964
Great day, isn't it?
167
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:27,632
Carla, did you get
your tooth fixed?
168
00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:28,633
Yep.
169
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,177
I am never going
to be afraid
170
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,512
to go to the dentist again.
171
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:33,763
Oh?
172
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,348
I found a way
to communicate with him.
173
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,766
How's that?
174
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,894
- Well, as he leans in with his drill...
- Yeah
175
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:43,565
I grabbed him where I knew
I could get his attention,
176
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:46,651
and I said,
177
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:49,320
"We're not going to hurt
each other, are we?"
178
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,450
- All right.
- Carla?
179
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,494
Did that work?
180
00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:58,371
We're having a late dinner.
181
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:02,751
Sam!
182
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,502
What the hell happened to you?
183
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:07,464
Oh, nothing, really.
Nothing at all.
184
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:10,383
What do you mean nothing?
You come limping in with a cane.
185
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:15,805
Well, there was a little trouble
in the bar last night,
186
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:16,848
but it was no big deal.
187
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,060
Well, well, what happened, Sam?
Come on.
188
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:29,402
Well, a... a thief broke in,
189
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,739
and I had to run him out,
190
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,658
and I caught a bullet in the leg here.
191
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,243
A bullet in the leg!
192
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,953
Well, no, come on,
it-- it's no big deal.
193
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,623
Let's just go back
to our business, huh?
194
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:49,089
Good Lord, Sam, you grappled
with an armed marauder?
195
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,175
You could have
lost your life!
196
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:55,136
Well, yeah, I guess
I could have,
197
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:56,429
but that's something
198
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,014
you only think about
afterwards, really.
199
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,266
Whew, talk about guts!
200
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,894
Ah, no, no. It had nothing
to do with guts, Norm.
201
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,395
It's just reflex.
202
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,189
I mean, I am an athlete.
203
00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:08,608
Let's hear it for Mayday.
Another save, huh?
204
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,320
Oh, now, come on.
205
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:15,198
Will you
sit down here?
206
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,075
No, no, no.
I think I'll stand.
207
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:19,285
Gee, Sam,
you should give us some details.
208
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,081
Details, huh?
209
00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:28,419
All right, all right, that's easy enough.
Well, Coach...
210
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:32,340
These guys burst into the bar
and basically--
211
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,676
Wait, I thought it was just one guy.
212
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:37,470
No, I just said one guy had a gun...
213
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,974
...that I saw.
214
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,351
I mean, they could
have all had guns,
215
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:46,187
but as soon as they...
saw what I did to their pal,
216
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:47,522
they just took off out of there.
217
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,317
I mean, basically,
they were all cowards.
218
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,902
Yeah, amen to that, Sammy.
219
00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,112
Anyway, Coach,
220
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:56,531
the guy was holding
his gun on me,
221
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,783
and, well,
222
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:00,451
I waited for the right moment,
223
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:03,371
and then I just kicked out with my leg,
224
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,290
kind of like,
225
00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:06,958
oh, I guess
the closest comparison
226
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,168
would be Bruce Lee, really.
227
00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:15,383
Let's see,
I made contact with the gun,
228
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,343
and he pulled the trigger,
229
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,970
bullet caught me in the leg,
230
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,180
and the gun went flying.
231
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,599
And the rest
just took off out of there.
232
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,309
Mayday!
233
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:26,936
Mayday, Mayday!
Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!
234
00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:28,980
Come on, you guys.
Come on.
235
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,899
I guess I really
shouldn't have done it,
236
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:33,026
but I'll tell you something.
The next time,
237
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,236
one of those drunk,
drugged-out punks
238
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:38,531
decide to break in, and take
advantage of an honest citizen,
239
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,450
they'll think twice about it,
I'll tell you.
240
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,121
You guys...
241
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:47,332
Just like the old days,
huh, Sam?
242
00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,375
- Hey, Coach.
- Way to go, Mayday?
243
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,668
Ow!
244
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:55,465
Well, I still dance on it, huh?
245
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:59,802
Coach, I think there's something
rotten in the state of Denmark.
246
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:02,222
It's all that cheese.
247
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,735
Sam, when you say
in the leg--
248
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,029
All right, all right,
so it wasn't exactly the leg.
249
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,322
It was a little higher up.
250
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:23,243
Well, the important thing
is that you're okay.
251
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,286
But exactly how did they manage
252
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,830
to shoot you
in the "I know what"?
253
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,707
Well...
Well, you know,
254
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,626
when you're surrounded
by armed marauders
255
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,670
with automatic weapons...
256
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,588
Bullets ricocheting--
Sam!
257
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:36,756
Maxine!
258
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,384
When my husband
left last night with a gun,
259
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:40,760
I never, ever
thought he would--
260
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,095
Of course you didn't think.
261
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,638
Why would you think
about something
262
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:45,056
that has nothing
to do with anything
263
00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:46,266
that's ever
happened to me?
264
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,978
Say, you know, I've got
a question for you, Diane.
265
00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:51,938
Whatever happened
to the old metric system?
266
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,690
Weren't we supposed
to change
267
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:56,276
all those measuring cups?
268
00:12:56,442 --> 00:13:00,029
So that was
your act of heroism?
269
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:01,698
Mayday's moment of truth?
270
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:02,949
Getting shot in the fanny
271
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,701
while in flight
from a jealous husband.
272
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:07,412
Oh, now wait!
Who said I was running away?
273
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:11,582
How else do you explain
the location of your wound?
274
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:15,086
Well, I could have
been coming at him
275
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:19,382
and turned a somersault
to throw off his aim.
276
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:21,217
You know,
you're very lucky
277
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,469
that you didn't get
any brain damage.
278
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:28,725
Okay, all right,
let's get our facts straight here, huh?
279
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:31,269
I did not know she was married.
280
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,271
I cut it off as soon as I found out.
281
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:34,605
And I was not running away.
282
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,441
I was putting the gun
in my back pocket
283
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,693
- when it-- when it went off.
- Oh-ho-ho...
284
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:43,698
This is a perfect comment
on your lifestyle.
285
00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:45,908
- Will you answer me one question?
- What?
286
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:47,410
When you went
to the doctor,
287
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:49,746
did you ask him
to get the lead out?
288
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:51,748
Oh, Frasier's going
to love that one, isn't he?
289
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:54,625
Oh, Frasier's weekend is made.
290
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:57,754
Come on, enough jokes.
291
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,714
Just do me one favor.
292
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:02,592
I will not
change your dressing.
293
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:03,760
No, no, no, no, listen,
294
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,219
just back me up on this,
will you?
295
00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:08,139
If everybody finds out
what really happened...
296
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:10,224
They might make you
the butt of their jokes.
297
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,063
I'll save that one
for his birthday.
298
00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:17,940
Come on, just
promise me, will you?
299
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,526
Just-- Just don't
say anything, huh?
300
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,405
Sure, Sam,
I won't blow your story,
301
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,407
- but I must warn you.
- Hmm?
302
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,159
The bigger the lie,
303
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:30,661
the bigger the fool
one might appear later to be.
304
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:32,246
Well, whatever.
305
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:37,335
The thing is that,
I did get a little carried away,
306
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:39,670
but it-- there's no harm done,
and it's all over.
307
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:40,880
So let's just forget it.
308
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,006
- Sam?
- Yeah?
309
00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:44,634
Come quick. There's a film crew
from the 6:00 news out here.
310
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:45,885
Oh, gee, how about that?
311
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:48,346
Gee, I wonder
what they want, huh?
312
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:53,267
Mayday! Mayday!
Mayday! Mayday!
313
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:06,364
So, Cliff ie, you going to buy
Norm's house or not?
314
00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:09,492
Oh, yeah,
you betcha, Coach.
315
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:10,868
Yeah, don't tell him
I said so,
316
00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:13,246
but the building inspector
I sent down there to check it out?
317
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,123
He says his house
is in terrific shape.
318
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,958
- Coach, draft, please.
- Yeah.
319
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:20,586
Well, why wouldn't you want
to tell him a thing like that?
320
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,547
Coach, the guy
is really hot to sell.
321
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,424
I'm going to low ball him
on this one,
322
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,300
take his shirt,
323
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,553
and he's going to end up
looking like a giant sap.
324
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,388
Clifford!
325
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,348
I can't believe my ears.
326
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:35,685
Gee, and I've never believed
your hair or your nose.
327
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,814
What does that leave us?
328
00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:43,234
You would take advantage
of your best friend?
329
00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:45,570
Oh, Diane,
friendship has its place,
330
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:46,988
but not in the world
of business--
331
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,197
Especially in real estate,
332
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,950
where it's strictly
dog-eat-dog.
333
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,953
One fidoburger coming up!
334
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:55,913
Oh!
335
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:56,956
- Norm!
- Yeah.
336
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,749
Could I have your ear
for a second?
337
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,293
Sure.
338
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,128
Despite my building
inspector's protest,
339
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,547
I've decided to put a bid
on your house.
340
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,674
There it is.
Yup, I'm afraid that's
341
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:09,051
going to have to be
my top offer.
342
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:12,054
Whoa! You got
yourself a deal!
343
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:13,181
- Hey--!
- What?
344
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,183
Yeah! Hey, everybody,
I sold the house!
345
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:17,226
- Normie sold the house.
- Wait'll I tell Vera.
346
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,520
I can look at that place
with the pool room now.
347
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:22,648
Wait, Norm, Normie, you know,
that's an eight there.
348
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,108
An eight?
I thought it was a two!
349
00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:26,360
Ooh, at last.
English-speaking neighbors.
350
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:27,862
Hey, hey, Norm,
351
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,489
there's something
about this house I don't know.
352
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:30,781
-What is it?
- The market value.
353
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:33,826
You know that paper's
not notarized there, Norm.
354
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,829
It was an honor meeting
Boston's newest hero, Sam.
355
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,122
Oh, thanks.
356
00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:40,625
Anybody ever tell you
you were like Gary Cooper?
357
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,877
Yup!
358
00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:45,379
Well, good night.
Great place!
359
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:46,839
Thank you.
Yeah, thanks very much.
360
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:48,508
What a night.
361
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,219
Two hundred bucks
in tips.
362
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:54,263
What're you going to do
with all that money, Carla?
363
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:57,350
I am going to spend it
all on my kids.
364
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:58,726
Good girl.
365
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:00,728
How many gunny sacks
and one-way tickets
366
00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,522
do you think it'll buy?
367
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,608
Gee, I don't know, Carla.
368
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,153
Aw, come on, what--?
369
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:10,947
What are you looking at me
like that for?
370
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:14,033
- Never mind.
- No, come on. What's the problem?
371
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,453
You're living a lie, Sam.
372
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:18,538
Oh...
373
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:21,040
I know, you won't
listen to me,
374
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,875
but our parents were right
375
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,835
when they said
no one profits by deceit.
376
00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,171
Oh, sorry there, Diane,
377
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:29,006
tonight's receipts
are making too much noise.
378
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,633
I can't hear you.
379
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,385
Okay.
380
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,720
I honestly don't care
what you do,
381
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,349
but I must say,
I'm a little disappointed.
382
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,810
Oh, you sure you don't want
to hang around,
383
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:44,355
and get naked
and roll around in all my money?
384
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:49,360
You're no fun anymore.
385
00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:57,702
Hello again, Sam.
386
00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:01,414
Hello... Marvin.
387
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,666
How you doing?
388
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:06,377
Well, this thing has turned out
pretty good for you, hasn't it, Sam?
389
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,920
Oh... yeah.
390
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,171
I saw you on TV.
391
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:10,339
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
392
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,049
There you were,
393
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:15,344
the scum who was messing around
with my wife.
394
00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:17,638
And they're treating you
like you're some kind of hero.
395
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:20,433
You want to stop pointing guns
at me, Marvin, huh?
396
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,851
- Sam?
- Huh?
397
00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:24,061
Don't mind me, just carry on
as if I weren't here.
398
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:25,438
Hey, hey, hey!
You're not going anywhere.
399
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:28,024
Now, come on, Marvin,
let her go, will you?
400
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,984
What? Why?
So she can call the police?
401
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:31,944
The police?
402
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,988
Obviously, sir,
you don't know me.
403
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:35,489
I strongly believe there is
404
00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:38,075
far too much government interference
in our lives as it is.
405
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:39,535
Hey, get back here.
406
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:42,288
Hey, this is crazy. I mean, I...
407
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,873
I was already shot once
because of you.
408
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,041
I mean, we're even.
409
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:48,711
Oh, no, Sam, we're not even,
not yet.
410
00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:52,715
You know, I can't sleep,
I can't eat, I can't work!
411
00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,134
I mean, all I can think about
is you and my wife--
412
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:58,471
Diane, isn't that a run
in your stocking?
413
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:02,808
Oh, my, you're right.
414
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,394
What a nasty run.
Look at that.
415
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,938
Just put some nail polish
on it.
416
00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:09,649
Oh, oh, I don't think
417
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,026
nail polish will work
on a run this large...
418
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:13,861
and high up on one's thigh.
419
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:14,862
Do you, Marvin?
420
00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:16,405
Look, shut up!
421
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:18,074
Hee-yaw! Ooh!
422
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:20,451
Oh!
423
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:23,996
Oh, just... working
a cramp out.
424
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,956
There you go.
425
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:30,503
You'd better not
try that again.
426
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:31,796
Don't worry.
427
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:32,797
All right, move over here.
428
00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:33,798
Excuse me, Marvin?
429
00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:36,425
Listen to me.
430
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:39,011
You're having trouble
with your marriage, aren't you?
431
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,724
Believe me,
I understand how you feel.
432
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,851
Oh, come on,
nobody understands how I feel.
433
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,145
I do!
434
00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:50,272
Oh, sure, sure!
435
00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:52,358
You ever been in love
with trash?
436
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,276
Yes!
437
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,490
This disgusting pile
right here.
438
00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:04,662
Sam?
439
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:08,833
Exactly.
440
00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:10,501
He's trash.
441
00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:12,420
But I...
442
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,339
I love him
with all my heart.
443
00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:17,800
Why?
444
00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:22,430
Because...
445
00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:24,098
I gotta.
446
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:30,187
You tell me.
Why do you love her?
447
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:33,733
Because neither one of us
can help it.
448
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:38,195
But I'm asking you as a favor
from one sucker to another,
449
00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:40,364
don't waste my fella.
450
00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:43,033
Sam, is this true?
You and her?
451
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,952
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
absolutely.
452
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,830
I don't deserve her,
but then, who does, huh?
453
00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:51,542
And what do we get
for loving them?
454
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:53,544
A punch in the face,
a kick in the gut,
455
00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:55,755
a one-way ticket
to Heartbreak City.
456
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,549
This guy's a stockbroker.
Why you talking like this?
457
00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:03,262
You know, lady, you're right.
You know exactly how I feel.
458
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:04,638
You know, the biggest favor
459
00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:06,515
I could do for this lady
right now
460
00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:07,767
is shoot you.
461
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,310
Oh, way to go,
sweetheart.
462
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:11,353
Actually,
we're not that close at all.
463
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,355
Just the occasional
movie date, that's all.
464
00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,274
I'm not going to shoot you.
You know why?
465
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,693
Because it would hurt her
more than it would you.
466
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:20,070
Thank you.
467
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,406
Yes, thank you.
468
00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:30,122
Look, by the way,
469
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:33,292
if you ever get tired of him
and you want someone
470
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:37,213
who can give you a nice,
quiet home life, think of me.
471
00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:40,966
Mighty attractive offer.
472
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:46,430
I don't believe this.
473
00:21:46,597 --> 00:21:49,391
You just saved my life
with that ridiculous story.
474
00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:54,396
I-- I'm not sure I know
what to... do to thank you.
475
00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:56,273
Well, I can think of something,
476
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,442
but I don't think
you're prepared to do it.
477
00:21:58,609 --> 00:22:00,945
Hey, come on, of course I am.
478
00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:02,822
Let's just... maybe go
in my office here.
479
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:04,281
Unfortunately, I'm injured,
480
00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:06,325
so you're going to have
to do most of the work.
481
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:10,663
Good night, Sam.
482
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:13,457
Oh, come on, I was kidding.
I was kidding.
483
00:22:13,624 --> 00:22:15,000
Come on, I know--
484
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:16,377
I know what you're
thinking about.
485
00:22:16,544 --> 00:22:18,379
You want me to set the record
straight with everybody
486
00:22:18,546 --> 00:22:19,797
about what happened
the other night.
487
00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:20,881
Right?
488
00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:26,387
All right, all right, I will.
489
00:22:26,554 --> 00:22:27,555
As a matter of fact,
490
00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:29,640
I'm going to call the newspaper
right now.
491
00:22:29,932 --> 00:22:31,600
Well, I didn't ask you
to do that.
492
00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:33,185
I know, I know,
but I'm going to,
493
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:34,353
because it's important.
494
00:22:35,646 --> 00:22:37,523
Because your respect for me
is important to me.
495
00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:41,026
I always pretend it isn't,
496
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:42,403
but the truth is,
497
00:22:42,570 --> 00:22:44,280
I want you to think
I'm a good person.
498
00:22:46,949 --> 00:22:49,034
- Really, Sam?
- Yeah, really.
499
00:22:57,001 --> 00:22:59,879
Sometimes you surprise me,
Mr. Malone...
500
00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:03,215
and it's wonderful.
501
00:23:03,966 --> 00:23:05,259
Yeah...
502
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:08,262
Hello, yeah,
503
00:23:09,263 --> 00:23:11,140
can I speak
to city desk, please?
504
00:23:11,557 --> 00:23:13,976
Well, is anyone else in?
505
00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:16,020
Well, who--? Who am I
speaking to, then?
506
00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:20,107
Oh, well, all right.
507
00:23:20,274 --> 00:23:22,401
Emily, this is, Sam Malone,
508
00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:24,695
and I'm calling
because I...
509
00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:28,908
Oh, you heard about that, huh?
510
00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:30,659
Well, listen, the thing is
511
00:23:30,826 --> 00:23:33,621
that a lot of people have
been making a big deal--
512
00:23:33,787 --> 00:23:36,832
Well, I'd like to meet you too.
513
00:23:36,999 --> 00:23:40,961
Well, what time do you...
get off work?
514
00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:42,171
No, 4:00 a.m.
515
00:23:42,338 --> 00:23:43,881
Hey, hey, hey,
that's no problem for me.
516
00:23:44,048 --> 00:23:45,299
No...
517
00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:49,219
That's great, yeah.
518
00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:50,387
Well...
519
00:23:51,597 --> 00:23:52,973
Afraid?
520
00:23:53,140 --> 00:23:56,393
Well, Emily, I'd be lying if I said
that I wasn't, but the--
521
00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:58,354
Emily, you're not married, are you?
37428
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