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1
00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:04,755
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:06,882
Excuse me, cutie?
3
00:00:08,884 --> 00:00:12,387
Cutie? Who do you think
you're talking to?
4
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:15,474
- Her.
- Better be.
5
00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:19,019
- Well, as long as you're here--
- I ain't here.
6
00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:21,355
What's the matter?
7
00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:24,858
Did we get up on the wrong side
of the web this morning?
8
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:29,238
I hate it when they call me cutie.
9
00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:31,323
Well, I do know how you feel.
10
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:35,744
Earlier tonight a customer had the
effrontery to refer to me as "honey."
11
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:39,623
But that makes sense.
Honey is bee barf.
12
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,007
Does that snort mean
we were amused?
13
00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:52,928
No, no, definitely not.
That was a snort of disapproval.
14
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,587
Afternoon, everybody.
15
00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:10,464
- Norm!
- Norman.
16
00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:13,342
- How's life, Norm?
- Ask a man who's got one.
17
00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:19,640
- Here's mine now.
- Oh, about that, Norm...
18
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,934
- Sammy raised the price of the draft.
- Hey, I was gonna tell him, Cliff.
19
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:26,104
Yeah, but you would've found some
way to cushion the blow, Sammy.
20
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:30,651
Sure, Sam, why not?
It's "Get Norm" year. Join the fun.
21
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,653
Hey, come on, it's only a quarter.
22
00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:35,822
Only a quarter.
That's easy for you to say.
23
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:39,284
- Maybe this'll change your tune.
- Watch it. He's going for his gun.
24
00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,330
It's my calculator, Coach.
25
00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:46,625
I'm gonna have to figure out
how much I can drink
26
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,336
and still stay within
my suds allowance.
27
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:53,131
What do you got?
28
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,468
I'm gonna have to cut back
8.7 percent.
29
00:02:56,843 --> 00:03:01,473
That comes out to
one beer every half-hour.
30
00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:05,977
I guess I'm gonna have
to drink a little more slowly.
31
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,402
Slowing down isn't so bad.
32
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:17,197
Sam, I gotta tell you,
33
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:20,033
you got one of the cutest
cocktail waitresses I've ever seen.
34
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:22,411
Oh, stop, I'm blushing.
35
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:24,830
I meant you.
36
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,082
So what?
37
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,876
- I'm sorry.
- You sure are.
38
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,589
Romance is in the air, Sam.
39
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:37,884
Well, I guess... I'm a little busy here,
but I suppose...
40
00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:39,845
Oh, Sam!
41
00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:47,352
If you could see past
your codpiece...
42
00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:53,066
...you'd notice that I was referring
to that gentleman right over there.
43
00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:54,860
- Hank?
- Yes.
44
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,862
He's been watching
Carla all week.
45
00:03:57,195 --> 00:04:00,115
Haven't you seen how he gives
her those moony-eyed looks?
46
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,616
It's almost embarrassing.
47
00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:05,746
If he were any more overcome with
desire, there'd be drool on his chin.
48
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:10,417
Excuse me. I'm done.
What were you saying?
49
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,628
Well, for whatever reason,
he's attracted to Carla.
50
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:16,089
But he doesn't seem
to be able to get started.
51
00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,383
- I think I should help him.
- No, I think you shouldn't.
52
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,969
We'll compromise. I'll help him.
53
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:22,888
Yeah, I knew we could work this out.
54
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:32,647
Excuse me. I'm Diane Chambers.
55
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:35,776
- Hello. Henry Zenzola.
- Henry, nice to meet you.
56
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,445
- Do you mind if I sit down?
- No, please.
57
00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:42,073
Henry, I want to put it
right on the line.
58
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:44,451
How do you feel about Carla?
59
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,578
You mean the waitress
with the foul mouth,
60
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:49,706
nasty disposition and what looks
to be a real mean wallop?
61
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,042
- That's the one.
- She's the hottest thing walking.
62
00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:56,838
Would you like to get to know her?
I think I can arrange it.
63
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,133
You think so? I've been trying
to get to her all week.
64
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,718
She acts like I'm contagious.
65
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,763
Has she actually made
any retching noises?
66
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,225
- No.
- You're in.
67
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,435
I'll be right back.
68
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:15,357
What a nice person.
Is she always like that?
69
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,734
Yeah, yeah.
Coach, give me a beer, will you?
70
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,071
Oh, hey, Norm, you're getting
a little bit ahead of your
71
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,156
"one beer a half-hour" schedule,
aren't you?
72
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,991
No, no, Cliff. I'm on London time.
73
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,160
God save the Queen.
74
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:31,206
His name is Henry.
He's interested in you.
75
00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:34,209
- So what?
- So I think you should go talk to him.
76
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,169
- Well, I don't.
- Why?
77
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,672
Because if he's interested in me,
there's something wrong with him.
78
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:43,260
Carla, I assure you,
he's perfectly charming.
79
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,220
I think he's kind of attractive too,
don't you?
80
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,639
Yeah, as cue balls go, he's a looker.
81
00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,851
Don't ask me why,
but for some reason,
82
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,937
any guy who I'm interested in
or who's interested in me
83
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:57,399
always turns out to have something
very seriously wrong with him.
84
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,818
Carla, I can see why you think that,
85
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:02,612
but you have to stop feeling
that you're undesirable.
86
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:06,616
Are you kidding? I'm too desirable.
87
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,286
I'm a vermin magnet.
88
00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:16,710
Come on, Carla.
This guy's not like that.
89
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:21,882
He's attractive, charming,
intelligent, well dressed.
90
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,717
And opposites attract,
so go for him.
91
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,095
Yeah, Carla, he's always
talking there about the Sox.
92
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,472
- He knows Yaz personally.
- Yaz.
93
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:30,932
Yaz.
94
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:32,934
Yeah?
95
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:36,354
- Okay, I'll talk to him.
- Oh, goody.
96
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:41,776
Just long enough to find out
what's wrong with this loser.
97
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:45,447
Yeah, I like a person
with an open mind, huh?
98
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:51,453
- You're Hank?
- Yeah. How do you do?
99
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,997
Shut up and answer
a few questions.
100
00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,294
First of all, where'd you come from
all of a sudden?
101
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:02,213
- I never saw you in here before.
- I don't really get out that much.
102
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:05,634
- He's married.
- No, no, Carla. I'm single.
103
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,514
- You ever been married?
- No.
104
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:16,061
- Gay as a goose.
- No, no. Carla.
105
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,647
- What?
- I like women.
106
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:22,108
- Some women, very much.
- Hooker bait.
107
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:26,488
Carla, I don't mind
being put through my paces.
108
00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:29,824
In fact, I'm always one
to enjoy a good game.
109
00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:32,077
I hope this one gets better.
110
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:39,000
Yeah, yeah, this proves nothing.
111
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,379
He is great, and it's killing you.
112
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:45,674
I admit, he is tough,
but I'll crack him.
113
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,928
Come on, we're going
for a cup of coffee, on you.
114
00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:51,972
- Fine.
- Sam, I'm taking a break.
115
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,556
- Fine.
- You got a criminal record?
116
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,392
- No.
- Any mental illness in the family?
117
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:56,810
- No.
- Or artificial body parts?
118
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,270
- No.
- Okay, open your mouth.
119
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:06,361
So who's the greatest
matchmaker in the world?
120
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:07,821
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
121
00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:10,240
- Come on, say it, Sam.
- I'm not gonna say it.
122
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,909
Oh, come on, Sam, you gotta admit,
Carla and Hank have been an item
123
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,412
ever since they went out
to dinner, huh?
124
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:17,122
Oh, I hate to see that.
125
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,834
What, you think Carla's making
a mistake there, Norm?
126
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:24,838
No, I just had my last beer
of the 20th Century.
127
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,593
- Hey, everybody.
- Hey!
128
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,470
- Hi.
- Just came from the game.
129
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:37,058
- We killed the Otters, 28-3.
- Whoa, way to go, guys!
130
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,019
And Hank has
the greatest season seats.
131
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,813
Yeah, spitting distance
from the visitor's bench.
132
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:47,652
Listen, Hank, thanks a lot.
I had a great time.
133
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:51,197
Yeah, I had a great time too, Carla.
134
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,825
You wanna meet later
for a late supper?
135
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,202
I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you before.
136
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,872
We're through. Beat it.
137
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:08,423
Carla, what did you find
wrong with him?
138
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:09,632
Nothing.
139
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:12,761
- Well, then why--?
- Look, I do not want to talk about it.
140
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:16,264
I wanna be left alone. Sam,
what do you need from your office?
141
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,516
- Nothing.
- I'll go see if you have any.
142
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,321
- What happened?
- I don't know.
143
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,198
We were getting along so great.
144
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:37,494
Hank, sit down.
Coach, pour him a beer.
145
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:41,081
I'm gonna go see if Carla
needs help finding that nothing.
146
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,459
Hey, Hank.
147
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,712
You know, when I'm really
kind of depressed,
148
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:51,049
I usually like to buy a beer
for a friend
149
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,426
who's a little, you know,
behind on his beer budget.
150
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:57,722
Well, I'm not really feeling
all that depressed.
151
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,016
You're not?
152
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,311
I mean, you fall really hard
for this girl,
153
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,022
you think you got her where you want
her, then all of a sudden,
154
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:09,359
she cuts you off at the kneecaps
in front of a room full of strangers--
155
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,194
- Set him up.
- Thank you. This'll help.
156
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,404
This is gonna help.
157
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,574
I wanna be alone, Sam.
158
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,953
I'll only be a second. I got something
very important to do in there.
159
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,456
I have to fix the... immediately.
160
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,598
Okay. All right. All right.
161
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,517
What are you doing here, Sam?
162
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:46,354
I just wanted to come in and see
if you wanted to talk, that's all.
163
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:49,440
- I don't.
- Okay.
164
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:55,613
Look, Sam, this guy is perfect
in every other way.
165
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:59,784
The only thing left
is that he must be lousy in bed.
166
00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:02,245
Who needs it?
167
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,746
You know,
168
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:08,126
from over here, it seems like
you're just afraid to go with this.
169
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:09,711
Being vulnerable.
170
00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,713
Vulnerable?
171
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:15,049
It's just a word
I picked up somewhere.
172
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,764
The only thing I'm scared of
is that if I go to bed with him,
173
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:25,310
he's gonna be so crazed with desire,
I'll never get rid of him.
174
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,729
Carla, that's not
what you're afraid of.
175
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:30,273
You're afraid that
you're gonna fall for this guy.
176
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:35,403
No, I'm not gonna fall for this guy.
I've already fallen for this guy.
177
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:40,742
And now you're afraid
he's gonna turn into a jerk, right?
178
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,952
No, smart guy, he's already a jerk.
179
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:46,122
- Well, why is he a jerk?
- Because he's dishonest.
180
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:47,916
Why is he dishonest?
181
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:51,252
Because he's hiding the fact
that he's a jerk.
182
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:55,340
Who's jerking who here?
183
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,842
Come on, Carla, you know,
you always say you're so tough.
184
00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,636
You talk tough, you act tough.
185
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,763
You're not tough.
Tough guys take chances.
186
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,766
- You're a chicken.
- Don't ever call me that.
187
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,144
That's what you are, Carla.
You're a chicken.
188
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,898
Hey! Hey, hey, hey,
I wanna go with you.
189
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,192
You have been cruising
on your looks for too long, buddy.
190
00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:16,736
- I'm not gonna fight with you.
- Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are.
191
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:17,946
Let's go.
192
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:21,950
Come on. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Carla, come on, you're half my size.
193
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,119
Carla, that's dirty, would you--?
194
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:31,251
Nobody calls me chicken.
195
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:34,629
I'll show you. I'm gonna go out there.
I'm gonna be so vulnerable,
196
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,674
I'm gonna open myself
to happiness like a banshee.
197
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:40,093
Hey, Sam, could I have the night off?
198
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:41,511
Thanks.
199
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,810
Feel better now? Yeah, I thought so.
200
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,027
Hi.
201
00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:00,363
- Hi.
- Wanna go to my place?
202
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:04,242
- You bet.
- We can't. My kids are there.
203
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:05,868
How about your place?
204
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:08,204
I told you, I'm staying with a friend
till my apartment's ready.
205
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,126
Diane, give me the keys
to your place.
206
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:15,920
I will not.
207
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,506
Hey, you're the matchmaker.
208
00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:22,093
You want this thing to work out, or you
want it to end up with a broken heart?
209
00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:23,761
And a broken lip.
210
00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:31,144
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.
211
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,647
And, Carla, when you're done,
just burn the place.
212
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,777
Come on.
213
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:43,781
Carla, you've just made me
the happiest man on earth.
214
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,616
Just wait.
215
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:55,043
Sam? Sam! What happened?
Are you all right?
216
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,879
No, don't worry. Don't worry.
She didn't hurt any of the good stuff.
217
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,679
Romance in this bar
is kind of an inspiration.
218
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:11,142
You know, you, Diane,
Carla, Hank there.
219
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,936
Seeing you all makes me kind of,
you know,
220
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,148
think that somewhere out there,
there's somebody for me.
221
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:23,112
Well, there are those
that would disagree, I guess.
222
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:27,909
I'm sorry, Cliff, just a picture
came to mind of you in the sack.
223
00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:34,457
You know, I see your mailbag
draped over a chair
224
00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:36,751
next to your gabardines...
225
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,128
- Yeah? Yeah?
- That's as far as I wanted to look.
226
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:43,216
Wait a minute. I agree with Cliff.
227
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:45,343
Cheers is a romantic bar.
228
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:48,638
I mean, you take even a poor guy
like Hank with his terrible problem.
229
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,640
He comes in here. He can get a girl.
230
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,603
Coach, what terrible problem?
231
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:59,148
Oh, well, I'm sorry, I can't talk about it.
Hank told me not to.
232
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:04,445
Coach, this could be kind of important.
Can you give us a hint or something?
233
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:05,571
A hint.
234
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:09,784
Okay, I got one. Lefty Cramer.
235
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,414
Lefty Cramer, the old third baseman?
236
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:19,293
Right. Lefty has the same problem
that Hank has.
237
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:23,131
Hank can't hit a breaking pitch?
238
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:29,429
- Oh, yeah, poor Carla, huh?
- Yeah. She'll be crushed.
239
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:34,517
Go on, keep thinking. Think.
What problem did Lefty have?
240
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:38,104
Well, he was ugly as a mud fence.
I remember that.
241
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,064
He was a bad dresser.
242
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,567
Oh, he used to spit
tobacco juice all over.
243
00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:46,779
- Yeah, he was great, old Lefty.
- Could we forget Lefty?
244
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,825
What's wrong with Hank, Coach?
245
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,828
Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I got it. Coach...
246
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,039
- ...Lefty had a heart problem.
- That's it.
247
00:15:57,415 --> 00:16:00,126
Hank has the same thing. I mean,
least bit of excitement,
248
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:01,711
it's curtains.
249
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,338
Coach, how about sex?
250
00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:07,300
Diane, please!
I thought you were Sam's girl.
251
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:11,762
Well, now...
252
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,266
Coach, I'm talking about Hank.
253
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:18,311
Hank is seeing Carla.
Are you listening to this?
254
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:22,064
Coach-- Coach,
what she's trying to say is,
255
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,859
is Hank in any danger
with Carla tonight?
256
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:29,030
No, no, not at all. Not unless
he gets overexcited about something.
257
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:32,700
- Oh, man.
- Sam, we've gotta stop them.
258
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,911
Now, wait, wait, Hank wouldn't have
gone with Carla
259
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,246
- if he thought it was risky, right?
- Come on.
260
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:40,416
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right.
- We've gotta stop them.
261
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,710
We've gotta warn Carla, at least.
I mean, my God--
262
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:46,923
I mean, what a shock if the guy
were to drop dead in Carla's own bed.
263
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:51,093
- Oh, God, she's in my apartment.
- You're kidding.
264
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:54,013
That's the last time I let somebody
have a great time in my bedroom.
265
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:58,768
- What?
- Call. Just call.
266
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:02,188
- Go on, call her.
- What am I supposed to say?
267
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,649
I don't know. Tell her to look
over on the next pillow
268
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:06,150
and count the dead people.
269
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:08,903
- Norman.
- Norm.
270
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,405
Just ask her
if everything's all right.
271
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:14,909
All right, all right, all right.
The line's busy.
272
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,495
Oh, then maybe she's calling
an ambulance, huh?
273
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:22,124
Cliff! Now, stop it.
We don't have to jump to conclusions.
274
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:25,086
A lot of people, when they're
having a romantic evening,
275
00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:26,837
they take the phone off the hook.
276
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,799
They don't want anything to interrupt
their intimacies.
277
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,092
How come we never did that?
278
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,136
I might miss an important call.
279
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:39,267
Sam, will you go over there, please,
and see what's happening?
280
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,435
Coach, you're right.
Coach, stay on the line here.
281
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:43,771
You know, it's my fault.
I practically pushed them into this.
282
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:46,190
I'm going too. I brought them together
in the first place.
283
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:50,361
- I'll go with you. I know CPR.
- Well, I'll go. I'm a CPA.
284
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:55,157
No, no. No, no, guys, stay here. I can
handle this. if we need you, I'll call you.
285
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,618
Oh, please, God,
let Hank be all right.
286
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:03,958
- Stop!
- Oh, no.
287
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:05,835
I wonder if we're too late.
288
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,422
Well, there's
only one way to find out.
289
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:10,881
No, no, Sam.
290
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:14,218
Well, we can't just burst in on them.
That's a gaucherie.
291
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,555
Besides, we might actually...
292
00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:19,473
...see them.
293
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:22,059
Well, what were we planning to do?
294
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,147
Let's make loud noises
to draw their attention.
295
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:27,690
Good, good.
296
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:33,112
- Fire! Fire!
- No, Sam, you'll startle him.
297
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,448
Oh, my God. I hope I didn't blow it.
298
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,576
Oh, Sam, that's so disgusting.
299
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,581
- Can you hear anything?
- Not a thing.
300
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:47,126
Isn't that funny? I thought Carla
would be the type to make noises.
301
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:55,509
Hello there.
302
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,261
They're just starting.
303
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:02,808
What the hell's going on here?
304
00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,983
We thought you were in there.
305
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,860
Were you looking for pointers?
306
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,530
We saw the wine glasses, so we...
307
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,075
We had a drink here and decided
to go have something to eat.
308
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:20,534
So you didn't actually...?
309
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:23,621
Let's pretend for a minute
it's any of your business.
310
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,542
No, we didn't.
311
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,670
Why are you here?
ls there something wrong?
312
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,675
Hank, I'm sorry for intruding,
313
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:39,887
but Coach said something about
you having a heart condition.
314
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:43,724
Oh, did he?
315
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,811
- Did he make a mistake?
- No, he's right.
316
00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,480
- I have a serious problem.
- You do?
317
00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:54,735
He also said that any exertion
would be very dangerous for you.
318
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:58,489
And so we thought we'd catch
you before you and Carla...
319
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,533
- Exerted.
- Yeah.
320
00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:03,661
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
321
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,956
Are you trying to tell
me you could've died?
322
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:08,499
Carla, I...
323
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:11,544
Yeah, it could've happened.
324
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,630
Sex is okay for most people
with heart problems.
325
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:17,425
I'm just one of those rare cases
that makes it chancy.
326
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:21,971
- Maybe if we didn't get too wild.
- Are you kidding?
327
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,890
I've almost killed off guys
with good pumps.
328
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,478
- Carla--
- Carla, will you just--?
329
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:30,688
Would you butt out?
330
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:33,399
- Yeah, all right.
- Now, I am not gonna forget this.
331
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:36,569
Of all the rotten things that guys
have done to me, this is the rottenest.
332
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,946
- My instincts were right.
- I should've told you.
333
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:40,990
- I just didn't wanna spoil it.
- Spoil it?
334
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:44,702
Oh, I would've felt great waking up
tomorrow with a stiff next to me.
335
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:48,581
Well, at least you wouldn't have
had to feed him breakfast.
336
00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:54,712
Hank...
337
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,923
...why would you take such a risk?
338
00:20:58,466 --> 00:20:59,550
How could I not?
339
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,763
Carla, I've been so careful
for so long.
340
00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:06,974
And then I met you,
and I just didn't care.
341
00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:10,603
The more I got to know you,
the more I wanted to take the risk.
342
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,272
Wow.
343
00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:16,942
You're nuts.
344
00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:19,570
I just got so carried away,
345
00:21:19,737 --> 00:21:21,447
I didn't stop to think
what it might do to you.
346
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:25,034
I don't know what to think
about all this.
347
00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:27,828
I guess I better leave.
348
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:31,707
No, hey, Hank, couldn't you
and Carla just be good friends?
349
00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:33,167
Real good friends?
350
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:37,129
No. I don't wanna
be just friends with Carla.
351
00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,925
It would drive me crazy to be
so close to you and not touch you.
352
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:44,261
Hear that, beanpole?
353
00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:48,390
Carla, I'm sorry I disappointed you.
354
00:21:50,351 --> 00:21:52,228
Wait, wait. Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
355
00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:53,938
I just thought of something.
356
00:21:55,648 --> 00:22:00,402
In a way, I think maybe you and I
were perfect together.
357
00:22:01,779 --> 00:22:05,282
See, we never had
an argument, right?
358
00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:09,870
Not a harsh word,
no one looking in another direction.
359
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:13,624
Yes, it was like a
incredibly delicate flower.
360
00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:16,293
It doesn't matter how long it lasts,
the important thing--
361
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,504
Hey, whitey, this is my moment here.
362
00:22:21,298 --> 00:22:22,258
I'm sorry.
363
00:22:23,384 --> 00:22:24,802
In a way, Hank...
364
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:29,932
...I'll always remember you
as the best lover I ever had.
365
00:22:32,935 --> 00:22:33,936
Carla...
366
00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:47,408
Goodbye.
367
00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:58,002
Oh, Carla.
368
00:22:59,753 --> 00:23:03,674
Well, now I've seen past
your little masquerade.
369
00:23:04,842 --> 00:23:07,511
And there's a bond between us
that can never be broken.
370
00:23:11,307 --> 00:23:14,393
I'm going to capture my feelings
right now while they're fresh
371
00:23:14,602 --> 00:23:16,604
and put them on the pages
of my diary.
372
00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:19,523
Oh, wait, Diane, it's right here.
373
00:23:19,982 --> 00:23:21,525
We were laughing about it
at dinner.
29954
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