All language subtitles for Cheers.S02E05.Sumners.Return.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Oh, hi.

I know you're surprised to see me...

...but let me tell you, it's taken
every ounce of courage I have

to show my face in here today.

Oh, come on, we get a lot of
funny-looking faces in here.

You don't remember me, do you?

I'm Professor Sumner Sloane.

I came in several months ago
with Diane Chambers.

And to my shame, I deserted her
here to go back to my ex-wife.

What can I get for you?

- I'll have a glass of white wine.
- White wine.

Over dinner last night,
a mutual friend of ours

informed me that Diane works here.

Is that correct?

Gee, I don't know.
I wasn't at the dinner.

You slime.

You are a total scuzzball.

You're not fit to live with sewer rats.

I can't defend myself.

Thank God.
I thought she was talking to me.

- Afternoon, everybody.
- Norm!

Fenway's seen the last of me.

Hey, I thought you guys
were at the baseball game.

We left in outrage.

They gave us a hard time.
Asked us to change our seats.

Why'd they ask you
to change your seats?

Oh, get this.
We're out in center field,

- take off our shirts to get some sun.
- Yeah.

They said the glare off Norm
was blinding the batters.

Can I help it if I have alabaster skin?

It's all right, Norm.
Baseball should be played at night anyway.

Don't say anything.

I killed him.

There's only one thing
that can save me.

I kinda miss the good old days, when they
threw up at the sight of each other.

Hello, everyone.

Hey, guys, what's happening?

There's someone waiting
to see Diane in the men's room.

Coach, sometimes you get
your participles in the wrong place.

Yeah, well, I slept
on my stomach last night.

He's right, slats,
you do have company.

Diane, please!
He's very sensitive about his face.

You said you'd be right back.

That was a year ago.

Well, you know the traffic in Boston.

Diane, I need to talk to you.

You have every right to say no,

but you've always been one to listen
to another person's point of view.

Sam, may Sumner and I
use your office for a few minutes?

Of course.

Ici.

Don't worry about it, Sam.

- I'm not worried.
- There's no reason to be.

You and Diane
have a great thing going.

Any girl who'd choose what's-his-name
over you would have to be crazy.

- Here, here.
- Right, Norm.

- You betcha.
- Think he's got her undressed yet?

Joking, joking.

Before you go on,

let me say first
that I've gotten over you.

So I hope for your sake you didn't
come here to try to get me back.

I didn't.

- Good.
- I'm still with Barbara.

But I want desperately to win you back
as a friend, Diane.

I haven't been able to live with the thought
of someone in the world hating me.

I don't hate you, Sumner.

I can't even stand the thought that
someone in the world thinks I'm a...

A creep?

Well, you might have to live
with that one.

My God!

Even a trace of your laughter
lights up a room.

Well, there are things about you
that I've missed too.

Sumner, let's cut the crap.

"Cut the crap"?

What have they done to you
in this place?

Do you wanna be forgiven?
You're forgiven.

Thank you, Diane.

Far more than I deserve.

Now, why don't we both
just go about our lives.

Well, I do have to be running along.
I have a class shortly.

Dare I think this thought?

What?

Let's have a dinner together,
the three of us.

I want you to know Barbara.

Oh, I don't want to know Barbara.

If you want to understand me
and what I did to you,

you must know Barbara.

I'd feel very uncomfortable.

Oh, you wouldn't, Diane.

You two are sisters of the soul.

You have so much to share.

Please, Diane, do it for me.

For what was once
and always will be ours.

- All right.
- Splendid!

Oh, are you seeing anyone now?

- No.
- There's no one you wanna bring along?

- No.
- Very well, then.

Just the three of us.
I'm looking forward to it.

Until then.

Not mad for your decorator,
Sam, old man.

Sam.

It's okay. It's all right.
It was just a warning shot.

Would you believe
he came in here thinking

he was just going to apologize
for everything?

Want me to punch his lights out
for you?

No, I think the best thing
for everyone now

is just to let it fade
from our memories.

You are the only one
in the world for me now.

Oh, Diane, I just remembered
my Chaucer lecture Friday night.

Can you make it Saturday?

- Sure.
- Great. See you then.

Now, before you get angry,

this can all be explained very easily.

He wants me to meet
his wife, Barbara.

It's an innocent dinner
to get acquainted.

I didn't want you to worry about it,
so I-- I told a little white lie.

One more thing, Diane.

Since you're not seeing anyone...

...I know a young fellow in the
Philosophy department you might like.

- No. Thank you.
- As you wish.

- This one's a little harder.
- Oh, yeah.

Oh, Sam, let me explain.

Sam, will you listen to me?

I'm tired of listening to you, Diane.

Hey, you guys are just doing this
to get my hopes up, right?

You don't understand.

I didn't tell him about us because I
didn't think it was any of his business.

Oh, yeah?
Then how come you lied to me, huh?

I--

I didn't lie to you.

I just didn't mention it.
There's a difference.

That's a subtle difference
at best there, Diane.

Cliff!

I should have mentioned it.
I'm sorry.

Well, it's okay.

Hey, I'm not an idiot.

You didn't tell him
because you're ashamed of me.

You're afraid I'm gonna
embarrass you or something.

I'm not ashamed of you!

Sam. Sam!

Sam, you've got to understand.

I have always been intimidated
by that man myself.

He thinks everyone is beneath him.

You make a mental mistake
around him, he's merciless.

I was trying to protect you.

You're saying I'm too dumb
to associate with your friends,

and I think that stinks.

Another thing.

You're as much of a snob as he is,
you know that?

You're right.

I'm going to call Sumner right now

and tell him that you will be
my date Saturday night.

You're my fella.

And I'm proud of it, Sam.

- Hey, Sammy. All right.
- Hey, Sammy.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, pretty good, huh, guys?

- Great.
- That felt good. Yeah.

Great work, Sammy.

You just argued your way

into spending Saturday night
with three Dianes.

She's right.

That Sumner guy's
a major brain, Sam.

Yeah, he's an intellectual pit bull,
Sammy.

If he senses fear, he'll attack,

reduce you to a pile
of blubbering flesh

right in front of your sweet pea there.

He does seem kind of nasty,
doesn't he?

He's mean, Sam.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's not like I'm stupid, is it?

Oh, my God!

What am I doing here?
I'm gonna look like an idiot.

Sam, it's gonna be okay.

Just talk about something
that you know about and they don't.

Say, something like your apartment.

Coach. Coach, I don't think everyone's
gonna wanna talk about my apartment.

Of course not.
They'd look stupid trying.

No. You know, Diane's right.

I'm going to embarrass her.

Sammy, believe it or not, I think
I have a simple solution to all this.

- He's a literature professor, right?
- Yeah. Right.

War and Peace
is the greatest novel ever written.

You read it between
now and Saturday, right?

Drop a few comments over dinner,
you're off to the races.

War and Peace?
This is a good book?

Yeah. Well, they say the first
800 pages are a little bit slow,

- but it shoots right off after that.
- Wait a second.

What are we talking about?
I got five days. How long is this book?

Well, I've delivered a few
for the book clubs,

and it's about three
and a half pounds, paperback.

Forget it, Sam.
Nobody can read four ounces a day.

No, no. Listen, if this is the best book
ever written, then I'm gonna read it.

Matter of fact, I'll go get it right now.
What was the name again?

War and Peace.
You have to write that down?

And misspell it?

The apartment, Sam.
The apartment.

Come in.

- How you doing, Sammy?
- Hey, Sam.

It's just you guys.
I thought it was Diane.

Turn on the lights, will you?

Hey.

I never been in here before.

Classy, Sam.

Sammy, you know
where I can get one of these?

You know, Mother's Day
is coming up.

Would you guys give me just a few
minutes here? I almost got it finished.

What time is it?

- How many beers have I had, Cliff?
- Eleven.

8:05.

Oh, God, they're gonna be here
any minute!

Oh, God, cold coffee!

You know that I've been up
five nights?

No, I feel great. I really do.

Do you--? What did--?
What'd I stand up for?

To hike up your shorts?

No.

Hey, Sam,
the cheese head's here.

Thank you, Carla. Where's--?
Where's Diane?

She just went into the ladies' room with
a tub of mascara and a putty knife.

- Well, we're out of here, Sammy.
- Good night, Sammy.

Hey, hey, wait a minute.
Wait a second.

Do either one of you guys
have two type-B batteries?

Yeah, you know, I've got one.

No.

- Sumner.
- Diane.

Where's Barbara?

Barbara can't make it tonight.
She's ill.

- Well, then we'll make it another time.
- Nonsense. I won't hear it.

We'll be poorer for her absence
but richer when the check comes.

But the whole point was
for me to meet her.

Diane, she insists that her frailty
not ruin the evening for the rest of us.

Isn't she magnificent?

So I've heard.

Oh, Sam, if you wanna
have fun tonight,

you'd better bring along a yo-yo.

Hey, guys. It's in the bag.
I finished it.

- Sammy, shoes.
- Shoes, shoes, shoes.

Thank you.

There he is.

Sam.

You didn't shave?

No. No, I needed
a new place to scratch.

Hey, where's your old lady?

Oh, Barbara's ill.

She won't be able to make it.

But I assure you
she'll be with us in spirit.

We have reservations for 8:30
at Maison Robert.

- Oh, wonderful.
- Oh, good.

Hey, I am really looking forward
to this evening.

I have been wanting for a long time
to sit down with this guy

and talk a little War and Peace.

- War and Peace?
- Oh, yeah. Great book. Classic.

Please. I taught a Tolstoy seminar
for six years.

I vowed never to discuss him again.

It is the most overanalyzed novel
ever written.

If you wanna talk Tolstoy,
I've always thought Anna Karenina...

Thanks.

Smells like something good
cooking up there

at old Melville's today, huh?

Yeah. I wonder what it is, Norm.

Well, that would be
cream-of-watercress soup, Coach.

Followed by baked mussels
lightly coated with tarragon butter

and topped off
by a fine raspberry torte.

You know, fine gourmet cooking

is truly one of the greatest
pleasures of life.

Absolutely.

Coach, what's the expiration date
on these?

Yesterday.

We'd better hurry.

Sam, how about some
after-dinner drinks?

Oh, English. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, what did you say?

- After-dinner drinks.
- Fine. What will you have?

- A cognac.
- deux.

deux.

deux.

- How was dinner, Sammy?
- Hi, Sam.

Great. Great dinner.

Food was French,
conversation was Greek.

I spent the whole evening pretending
I knew what they were talking about,

nodding my head like an idiot.

I see.

Hey, Sammy,

how about I throw the scuzzball
out of here?

No. Diane would be furious.

I was talking about Diane.

Sam, I don't think I'd leave those two
together for very long if I were you.

Oh, yeah, I haven't seen Diane
having so much fun in a long time.

Thank you, fellows.

The only verifiable proof of the
existence of a supreme being would--

- So, what are we talking about here?
- We're talking about God.

The only verifiable proof of
the existence of a supreme being--

What about God?

- Well, it's rather involved.
- Oh, that's okay. I like involved.

Fire away. Go ahead.

Sumner was just saying that
the early mystics perceived God

without subjecting him
to tangible proof.

- You know what I think about that?
- What, Sam?

What is your problem?

I don't have a prob--
Yeah, I do have a problem.

My problem is that I have not
been a part

of any conversation
that you've had tonight.

I tried several times to include you
in the conversation.

No, no, no. I don't think,
"Wrong fork, Sam"

and 'Don't spit that out"
are my idea of conversation.

Now, now, that's not fair, Sam.

I think we tried several times
to solicit your opinion,

but none was forthcoming.

Well, you know why that was?

Because I didn't have one.

What do you think of that?

Or maybe I had one
and I didn't wanna waste it on you.

What are you trying to say?

I'm not trying to say anything,
I'm saying it.

You know, you and I are a joke, Diane.

You and Sumner are a joke too,
but at least you're the same joke.

I may be stupid about a lot of things,
but I know some things,

and I know when two people
do not belong together,

and you and I
do not belong together.

Sam, sit down. You're creating a stir.

Oh, hey, hey. Come on, come on.

I know what's been going on
all evening.

I mean, this stuff about Barbara
being sick is a bunch of baloney.

You just set it up here
to get your big fan back.

Well, you got her. Way to go, guy.

Sam.

No, no, no, it's okay. It's all right.
I see it all very clearly now.

I got you on the rebound.

You were just slumming
with me between PhD's.

Well, he's come for you.
Go with him.

- Sam...
- I'll tell you something else too.

Before I read War and Peace again
in five days

just to impress some broad,
it's gonna be a cold day in Minsk.

I have to apologize for Sam

for that totally unfounded
accusation.

No, Diane. He's more perceptive
than I gave him credit for.

What are you saying?

I did come back to see
if there might be one spark left

of that brilliant fire that streaked
across the sky like a meteor.

Barbara and I had a parting
of the ways several weeks ago.

- Sam was right.
- Forget Sam.

Isn't it obvious after tonight that
you and I have something special?

Diane, I may not be perfect...

Then again, I may.

The point is,

can you honestly say you belong
more in his world than in mine?

So you've come to say goodbye,
or as the French say, "ta-ta."

No.

I've come to tell you
that Sumner has gone.

He has?

Carla threw him out.

Come on. You don't mean to say
that you chose me over him.

I flipped a coin.

- You let a coin decide this?
- Yeah.

I told Sumner, heads,
I was going to walk in here to you,

tails, I was going to
run in here to you.

Well, you're nuts. You know that?

I mean, the guy is brilliant, charming,
he's sophisticated.

You know, if you hurry, he's yours.

Why'd you pick me?

You read War and Peace.

So did he.

You did it for me.

I think it was harder for you.

Call it a hunch.

It was no day at the beach,
I'll tell you.

Oh, Sam.

There's only one thing
more romantic

than you reading
War and Peace for me.

- What?
- You reading War and Peace to me.

Oh, yeah?

Well, it just so happens
that I have a copy right here.

Why don't we just sit down
right here...

...and I'll read to you.

Boy, that's nice.

Here we go.

Let's go see the movie.

There's a movie?!

Cliff! I'll kill him!

Cliff! I'll kill him!