Original subtitles

Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience.

- Hiya, Sam. - Hey, Carla. What--?

Did you just get pregnant in the last five minutes?

- No. I could, but this is just stuffing. - Why?

Well, because I'm a little short, and my rent is due,

and I found out they give better tips to pregnant women.

It's absolutely dishonest, Sam.

I mean, you should tell her to get rid of it.

I can't do that, Coach. She's Catholic.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, would you watch it? I'm in a family way here.

Kid's gonna be a swimmer.

Would you look at that. Some idiot carved his initials in my bar.

It's his initials and his girlfriend's. It's sweet.

No, it's not sweet. It's destructive. I mean, who did--?

Who did that?

"S.M. plus D.C."

- Diane... - I think it's romantic.

No, it's not romantic. It's stupid.

If you want romantic, we could have our buns tattooed.

Worth a shot.

I'm just gonna run a tab for you.

Excuse me.

Sam.

May I speak with you--? With you for a moment, please?

Don't you recognize that man?

The ex-convict you paid to date me?

Who murdered a waitress and fantasizes his hands are claws?

Oh, yeah, yeah. How'd you happen to remember him?

Of course I recognize him. His name is Andy something. So what?

- So, what is he doing here? - I don't know.

Probably came in for a drink. People do that, you know.

As soon as you hang a sign out that says "bar," you start getting that.

Sam, you have to get rid of that killer.

- He's dangerous. - Come on. Look at him, Diane.

Does he look dangerous to you?

Not at the moment, but you never know what--

He's a customer, that's all. He's just a customer.

He has every right to be here just like everybody else.

Don't worry. If he starts anything, I know how to handle it.

- Hey. Andy, isn't it? - That's right.

- And you're Sam. - Correct. What will you have, Andy?

Everything in the cash register, Sam. Freeze!

Everybody just take it easy here.

- I'll get... - No, no, no, no, no, no.

- Let the other guy get it. - Ernie Pantusso. Call me Coach.

Coach.

- We gotta help Sammy. - How? What can we do?

I don't know. Maybe we can jump the guy.

- He's not that big. - The gun is big.

The gun's definitely big.

Maybe Diane could run around in circles

flapping her arms and draw his fire.

Carla, you stay out of this. Me and Norm will handle it.

Me? What do you want me to do?

We gotta do something. Look, trust me.

Statistics show that 33 percent of the time, a guy carrying a gun

- will not use that gun if challenged. - So?

So if he's already shot two people today, you're in luck. Now, get him.

- Wait a minute. Hold it! - Hey, hey, hey. Folks, folks, folks.

I certainly hope no one's gonna try anything silly here.

Just take it easy. No one's gonna try to overpower you or anything.

It's not worth it.

Not even if I was a little careless

and sort of let the gun drop onto the bar like that?

Maybe let my attention wander around the room a little bit.

Now!

It's okay. It's okay. Yeah, Carla's got him.

Lucky for him.

Okay, okay, Sam, you got me.

Hey, watch where you're pointing that, Sam.

- I'm sorry. - It's okay. It isn't loaded.

It isn't?

Oh, my God, it isn't.

Cliff ie, you suppose this little trickle here is noticeable?

Would you guys come down here for a second and watch him?

I'm gonna go see if the police are answering their phone today.

Good. I wanna go back to prison.

I can't make it on the outside.

Have you really tried to make it on the outside?

I've been beating my brains out.

No one's gonna give an ex-con a break.

No one will hire me. No one trusts me.

What is it you want to do? What are your skills?

I have no skills.

I'm worthless.

Don't you have any ambitions, any dreams?

- You'd laugh if I told you. - No, we won't.

I'd love to be an actor.

God bless you, Cliff.

I did a little acting in high school, and I think I was pretty good.

At least it was an escape from so many things.

So go out and be an actor. What are you bellyaching to us for?

Fat chance! Nobody will even give me a look.

I'm going back where I belong, out of everybody's way.

Prison is my home.

I called the cops. They're on their way.

- Call back and tell them not to come. - Got it.

Why? Why? Why am I doing that?

Sam, when Andy shoved that gun in your face...

...he was asking for help.

That's silly of me. I thought he was asking for money.

He stands here as an embodiment of the failure of our penal system.

This man doesn't belong in prison.

Sam, we, mostly I, can save this man's life.

Well, how are we, mostly you, gonna do that?

Never mind that now. Call off les gendarmes.

Trust me.

What are you gonna do now, Diane?

Well, I happen to know Professor Sebastian DeWitt,

one of America's foremost drama coaches.

He can spot an actor a mile away.

Boy, that could come in handy at a drive-in.

- Okay, I called the cops off. - Excellent.

Andrew, listen to me.

Now, you want to be an actor,

and I have some experience as a student director in school.

- We're going to do a scene-- - Diane, what are you--?

Later, Sam. Later.

Now, if I think you're good enough-- A very big if, by the way.

But if you are, I will arrange for Professor DeWitt to see you perform.

He has contacts at every theater on the Cape.

Sam, I never expected anything like this

when I came in here to stick up your bar.

Well, you know the old saying, "Use a gun, go to Cape Cod."

Diane, why are you doing all this for me after our last experience together?

Well, I understand what people in the acting world go through.

I did a bit of acting myself in college.

Really?

Well, maybe you could be in my scene with me. Were you good?

Well, I don't like to brag, but a lot of people loved my work.

At Bennington, they're still talking about my Tiny Alice.

Who wants a girl with a big Alice?

I know a bookstore that specializes in theatrical books.

Let's go and pick up a couple of plays.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Sam, may I have half an hour off? - No.

Oh, you're right. I need an hour.

Diane, can I talk to you here for a second, please?

Excuse me. I'll be right back.

A minute ago, you thought this guy was Jack the Ripper.

Now you're gonna go out browsing with him?

Now I know him. Sam, look at him.

Does he look like a dangerous person?

- The guy has done time. - He made one small mistake.

No, he made a big one. He's a murderer, Diane.

One murder does not a murderer make.

Okay, what I mean is, he's not a murderer at heart.

Anyone who loves the theater loves mankind.

Look, I just don't think that somebody should go out with a crazy person.

- I can take care of myself. - No, I was talking about me.

Hie thee, Andrew.

Let us away.

Sam...

...I sense that you are uneasy about one of your employees

being in danger with me.

Sam, my crime occurred a long time ago.

I was a different person then.

I had one terrible moment of temporary insanity,

but I'm much better now. I'm much healthier.

I can't remember the last time I heard those voices.

Well, I'm glad, because-- What voices?

Those shrill voices that used to sound like my...

- Who? - My mommy.

Well, I'm glad you got it licked.

Sam, please, relax.

I'm better now.

Come along, Andrew.

You thought...

But it wasn't...

He uppercuts next. Throws a hard left,

and that's countered by two quick jabs.

And another left! He stepped right into that one.

A left jab buckles him over. The left uppercut misses.

A screaming overhead right glances across the forehead

as they go into the corner. A left jab. And that's the end of round six.

It's beer time, Sammy.

And they're off! Step right up, ladies and gentlemen.

Come on. Good hands. Good hands there.

- Keep them moving. - Keep moving. Keep moving.

Here we go. Slowing down. Slowing down.

We only got 20 seconds, the next commercial.

- Everybody's ready in a minute. - That's it. That's it. Good hands.

Here we go. Yo! Good, good!

That's it. There we go. All right. Move it along. Come on, move it along there.

Come on! We got three left. We got two left.

All right!

Resuming the action...

Sammy, what does a guy have to do to get a beer around here?

I don't know about you, Harry, but I think

this is the best middleweight contest

we've seen in a long time.

I can't see how any fight fan would wanna miss this one.

All right, boys, off, off, off.

Andy and I can't even hear ourselves rehearsing back there.

He's worked very hard,

and Professor DeWitt will be here any minute.

- Hey! - What's going on here?

I hope she's showing you one hell of a good time.

Don't be nervous. You're going to be wonderful.

I'm not nervous.

It's just this week has gone by so quickly.

It's been the best week of my life.

Miss Chambers.

Professor DeWitt, how good of you to come.

This is Andrew Schroeder,

a young man who I think is going to surprise you.

I hope so. I hope so.

You know, when the theater loses its power to surprise,

it loses its vitality.

- What are you gonna show us first? - A scene from Othello.

Challenging. Challenging.

- It's certainly nice to see you again. - Thank you.

When you were a student in the department,

I could never picture you as a waitress.

Professor, you're forgetting that I played a waitress

in your production of Bus Stop.

Yes, I know.

Have fun. Break a leg.

Diane, I can't believe you've done all of this for me.

You deserve it.

You're talented and sensitive.

You have a lot of depth.

You know me so well.

- I'm a pretty good judge of people. - You are.

You're wonderful.

- I love you, Diane. - I love you too.

You guys about ready back here? Crowd's getting restless.

If they don't hear some Elizabethan couplets soon, they're gonna turn ugly.

I better get into costume.

Excuse me.

All right, listen up. You were right about Andy, I was wrong.

He's been a complete angel all week. My objections were stupid.

- Satisfied? - Of course.

Put it in writing, we'll be fine.

Fat chance.

I'm sorry that I haven't been around much this week.

But it was important to help Andy.

It's been kind of tough.

Yeah.

Well, later, when we're alone,

we'll go back to my apartment, and I'll make it up to you.

What time tonight?

Andy, hey. Okay, let's get the show on the road. Good luck. Good luck.

Andy, what's the matter?

You kissed him.

- I saw you. - Oh, that's all right.

I guess it's no secret around here. Sam and I have sort of a thing going.

But I love you! And you said you loved me.

Oh, dear.

No, well, see...

...I was speaking as a friend, Andy.

If I gave you any other impression, I'm sorry.

Really sorry.

I do love you, as a friend.

- Okay? - Sure.

- You're not upset? - No, no.

You're not angry with me?

That's okay. I'll use it in my performance.

Yet she must die...

...else she betray more men.

Wonderful!

That was perfect.

Put out the light...

...and then...

...put out the light.

Andy, please, it's time. You ready?

Show folk.

Good evening, everyone.

And welcome to talent night at Cheers.

This evening we are going to begin

with a scene from William Shakespeare's Othello.

I know that I don't have to explain the play to Professor DeWitt.

But it might be helpful to some of you

if I explained what you're about to see.

I wonder who she's talking about, Norm.

In this play, Andrew Schroeder, my discovery,

will enact the role of Othello.

- Hey! - Hey, go, Andy!

This is the story of a man driven by insane jealousy

to murder the woman he loves

because he believes that she is in love with another man.

The scene we're about to do

is the scene in which Othello actually kills said woman,

who will be portrayed by myself.

Did I mention that I'm playing Desdemona?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so without further ado,

the strange...

The strangulation scene.

But before we do...

...let's have a little background on the 16th century.

Come on, Diane.

- The Elizabethan Age is very... - No more background.

- Let's just have the scene. - Sam?

No, don't worry about it. Really. You're gonna be tremendous.

- Let me give you a kiss. - Don't touch me! I barely know you!

All right, all right.

All right.

On with the play.

In this scene, Desdemona is in bed

when Othello comes in thinking, very mistakenly,

I can assure you, he's completely off base on this one...

He'll be sick about it in the morning.

Thinking that she has been unfaithful to him.

Which, of course, she hasn't.

It is the cause...

...it is the cause, my soul.

Let me not name it to you, you chaste stars.

It is the cause.

Yet I'll not shed her blood...

...nor scar that whiter skin of hers than snow--

There! Good!

Well, it's agreed.

No blood, no scarring, and that's the gist of our scene.

Come on, Diane!

Sam, what's wrong with Diane tonight?

She just got a little stage fright. That's all right.

Hey, Diane, the sooner you start, the sooner you'll be finished.

Who's there? Othello?

Ay, Desdemona.

Will you come to bed, my lord?

Yeah!

Have you prayed tonight, Desdemona?

I would not kill thy unpreparéd spirit.

Talk...?

Talk you of killing?

Ay, I do.

He's convincing. There's a real murderous intensity about him.

Then heaven have mercy on me!

Think on thy sins.

- Sam, are you sure she's okay? - Yeah, sure. She's just acting, Coach.

Shouldn't you make sure?

Can you imagine what she'd say if I butted in on her Shakespeare scene?

Take heed of perjury. Thou art on thy deathbed.

I love it! A Desdemona that fights back!

Help! This psycho's trying to kill me!

That's the only line of Shakespeare I ever understood.

I saw you kissing Sam! I saw you kissing Sam!

"Kissing Sam"? Is that...?

Get somebody-- Help me, will you?

Mommy! I'll clean up my room, Mommy!

- What time's the second show? - Hey, hey. Just--

I hope you fry for this.

Are you gonna be okay?

I'm having a little trouble breathing.

No, no, I meant for tonight.