All language subtitles for Cheers.S01E21.Showdown.1.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Sam, let me have the TV control.

- Hey!
- What are you gonna watch?

There is something extraordinary
on television right now.

What's up? We got a game on?

What is it, the Bruins?
I didn't read anything in the paper.

I think the lady singing
the anthem is loaded.

Diane, what the hell is this?

Wagner's Ring of the Nibelungs,
the complete cycle.

Das Rheingold,
Die Walküre, Siegfried,

and finally Götterdämmerung.

I hope they don't use
that canned laughter.

No, Coach, it's not a comedy.
This is opera.

I'll explain as we proceed.

Now, this is the story

of a golden ring
with magical powers

that curses anyone who owns it.

Hey, hey, hey, wait, wait, wait.

They had that same story
on Scooby-Doo Saturday morning.

Yeah, yeah, but the dog sang
a little better than that.

Come on, you guys.
Now, give it a chance.

Now, the first three hours are devoted...

Hey, hey, hey!

I put up with your sporting events.

It's time that you return the favor.

After ten minutes, if you aren't
totally mesmerized by its beauty,

I will turn it off.

- Ten minutes, huh? Okay.
- Come on.

Very funny.

Culture's wasted on you.

Oxygen is wasted on you.

You know, that was not
a very nice thing to do to Diane.

Sam's got a point there.

- Well, she has watched a lot of sports.
- Yeah.

All right, all right,
let's give it another shot.

Coach, I'm gonna be in the back
checking the wine.

Okay, Sam.

Would you like to join me?

It's quiet, empty, dimly lit.

Much like your mind.

So, what do you say?

Sam, you talk a lot
about our having a dalliance,

but I've always been told
that barking dogs don't bite.

Biting, is that what you're into?

Do you know what bothers me?

There are women
upon whom this works,

and they're allowed to vote
and drive cars.

So, what do you say?

Fred and Ginger
are taking a little break,

but they'll be back
to nauseate you later on.

Gee, Eddie, it really is...
It's been nice talking to you.

By the way, Eddie, did I tell you
that my wife passed away

some time ago?

Yeah.

Oh, well, thanks, Eddie,
I really appreciate that.

Is your wife dead yet, Ed?

That's good, really.

Listen, Eddie, I wanna thank you
for thinking about me.

And I'll get back to you.

So long, pal.

- What is it, Coach?
- Pal of mine, Eddie Fuentes.

He manages in the winter leagues
down in Venezuela.

He says if I can learn Spanish,
he might have a job for me coaching.

You mean you're gonna return
to coaching, Coach?

Yeah, Carla. Baseball's so much
simpler than life, you know?

In baseball, I always know
where I'm at, right?

We're up, I'm in the coach's box.

They're up, I'm in the dugout.

The game is over,
I hit the head, get a cheeseburger.

- Sounds like a great life, Coach.
- It's terrific.

You know any Spanish, there, Coach?

Yeah, Cliff, I took some courses
for a couple of days

just to learn a few phrases, you know?

- Oh, yeah? Like what?
- Like, "How tall is my dentist?"

And, "Is that really your sister?"

Just enough to get by.

- You're gonna do fine, Coach.
- Thanks, Cliff.

Interesting, interesting.

That was Sam's brother.

He's on his way over.

- Sam's brother?
- Yeah.

- Didn't know he had one.
- Me either.

- He didn't tell any of you?
- Coach?

Did you know Sam has a brother?

Of course I know he had a brother.
He hates him.

- Why does he hate him?
- He was cruel to him.

When Sam was a kid, he used
to shove his head under water.

Hey, wait a minute.
That was my brother.

Come to think of it,
that was my head.

Coach, don't Sam and his brother
spend any time together?

They get together
whenever he's in town,

but he's never been to Cheers.

Well, he's coming now,
and someone has to tell Sam.

Let me do it. I'm a smoothie
about breaking bad news.

- Yeah?
- Sam, your apartment burned down,

- you lost everything.
- Oh, my God. Really?

No, no, no, your brother's in town.
He's on his way over.

It makes you feel better, doesn't it?

I hate it when you do that, Coach.

Oh, come on, Sam,
it cushions the blow.

My brother's in town, huh?

I took the call.
He was just leaving his hotel.

Oh, good. Did you tell him I was here?

Of course. I had no idea
this would be a problem.

No, no problem.

My brother's coming over.
I love my brother.

That's not what I heard.

Maybe you ought to step
in here for a minute

and let me show you something
I've triumphed over.

Don't tell me you've
finally mastered the stapler.

Sit down, sit down.

See, what they were
talking about out there

is I used to have this problem
with my brother, Derek.

It was a kind of a...

What do you call it?
An inferiority complex.

But that was a long time ago,
and I conquered it.

Yeah, here it is.

Yeah, this is the guy
that used to make me feel like nothing.

- Wow.
- "Wow" what?

Well, he's very nice-looking.

He'd be even better
if he had his two front teeth.

No, I blacked those out myself.

That was before
I got over my problem.

The interesting thing here
is that I didn't go to any psychiatrist.

I didn't read any of your fancy books.

I just sat myself down and said,
"Hey, my brother's no better than I am."

I'm sure you're right.

- What does he do for a living?
- He's an international lawyer.

Wow.

Hey, it so happens I come
from a very intelligent family.

Yeah, I guess Derek
does okay for himself.

He must make 50, 60 grand a year.

Are you kidding?
Those guys make ten times that much.

Wow.

Yeah, but it's the... It's the job.

Last year, he traveled so much
he had to buy his own plane.

What kind of life is that?

The poor wretch.

Who am I kidding?

The guy is better
at everything than I am.

I mean, he's perfect.

Oh, Sam, he may be a man
of some accomplishment,

but this all sounds like a younger
brother idealizing his older sibling.

- You think so?
- Sure.

He's just an ordinary Joe.

Can I keep this?

You must have a sense of humor
about these things.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

I guess if I looked at it right,
it could be funny.

Sure.

Maybe one less tooth
and a mustache.

- Sam, nuclear bomb just hit Boston.
- What?

- Derek's here.
- Derek's here.

They're catching on.

Listen. Wait, wait.

I don't want you to worry about me.

I'm used to living around
Mr. Wonderful all my life.

It's no big deal.

It's just that whenever he's
in the room, I kind of feel invisible.

Oh, Sam.

I don't pay you a lot of compliments,
but I really don't feel

you have any need
to feel inferior to anyone.

Well, thank you. That's very nice.

...implore you

Nice voice. Who is that?

- Guess.
- Oh, really?

I dream all day and nighttime

I want you for my lifetime

I love you

My sweetheart

Way to go, Derek!

- Can we get this man a beer, please?
- I'll get it. I'll get it.

Oh, Sam, I'm sorry. I didn't see you.

Derek. Hey, Derek,
how about a beer?

No. No, no, thank you, Norm.

What a guy.
Can I catch a beer, Sammy?

Where are my waitresses?

I didn't have the heart to pull them
away from the show.

- The show?
- Yeah.

Derek's doing
trick pool shots back there.

You must have had fun
growing up with him, Sam.

Yeah.

Do you have any idea what kind of gift
I could get for Derek?

- Gift?
- I feel I should get him something.

I mean, the guy did get me a job.

He got you a job tonight

after all those months
you've been looking for one?

Not just a job, Sammy.
He got me a great job.

For the first time, I'm gonna have
my own parking space.

Got a secretary,
got a window for water bombs,

all the perks.

Well, good for you, Norm. That's great.

So, what can I get him?

I really don't care what you get him.

Get him a tie.

Sure.

I wouldn't dare buy clothes for that guy.

He has his lint made in England.

Hey, Norm, Norm. Come on, hurry up.

He's gonna do
some tap-dancing for us.

Is that right?

Hey. Hey, you two.
Come on back here.

We got a rich guy
tap-dancing back here.

Oh, Sammy.

Your brother is one good-looking guy.

Did you ever hear Derek
say anything about being a sucker

for swarthy, fertile Mediterranean types?

- Afraid not, Carla.
- Figured.

Let me have a couple of Heinekens
and a couple of Löwenbräus.

So how come your brother
has all that beautiful curly blond hair

and those deep blue eyes?

Are they blue?

Like Windex.

Boy, sounds like the stick lady's
having a good time, doesn't it?

Was that Diane's laugh?

I thought they were
killing chickens back there.

Yeah. You know, he really got to her

when he told her
about that time in Paris

when he got drunk with Anaïs Nin.

- Wow. Really?
- Yup.

I was hoping you'd know.

Yeah, Derek's always been like that.

Always had to have the spotlight,
had to be the center of attention.

Yeah, well, you know,
if it's any consolation to you, Sam,

I know how you feel.

I got a sister who's
got me beat in every way.

She's 5'2".

Her husband
never has a drink until noon,

and she's a beautician.

I mean, how do you
compete with that?

But after a while, I said to myself,
to hell with her. I'm me.

What you're trying to say is
I'm as good as my brother.

Are you kidding?
You're not even as good as my sister.

But I still like you best, Sam.

That makes two of us.

Hey, Carla, wait a minute.

What do you think,
you think Diane likes Derek?

"Does Diane like Derek?"

I don't know, Sammy.
I'll pass her a note in gym.

Hey, no, no, come on. I'm serious.

I mean, I know what my brother's like
around women, and I know Diane...

You know something, Sammy?
I used to admire you.

But you know what's happened to you
ever since she got here?

You've turned into a big weenie.

You're a dink, a wimp, a Fred, a loser.

Well, thank you very much, Carla.
I was having a little bit

of a confidence problem,
but that's been a real boost.

Well, you know,
just a few weeks ago,

you were making time
with every foxy lady in Boston,

on your way to legendary status.

I mean, Sammy, you were heading
for the Hounds Hall of Fame.

Then Lady Fishface
walked in the door.

- What's going on here?
- I don't know, Carla.

It's driving me nuts.

Maybe she's playing hard to get,

but hard to get for me used to mean
I'd have to sit through dinner.

Yeah, well, if you can't
get to her, no one can.

- What about Derek?
- In a minute.

But don't worry.
He's got better taste than that.

Sam!

- What?
- Your brother's teaching me Spanish.

You're learning the Spanish language
in one evening?

No, no, Sam.

Ernesto! Ernesto!

- Sam, want me to take the bar over?
- No. No, I'm fine.

I get it, I get it. You'd rather be here
when he's back there, right?

Yeah, something like that.

People don't have
to draw pictures for me, Sam,

although I like it,
but they don't have to.

- What's your order?
- Oh, Sam. He's not that great.

The man can tell an interesting story,

he's met a few interesting people,
but he's just a man

like any other man you'd meet
in Greek mythology.

- What's your order?
- I don't have an order.

I just thought maybe you'd like
to join the party.

I'll take the bar.

Come on, you go back there
and enjoy yourself.

Wait. Believe it or not, Diane,

I'm having a lot of fun
just being out here by myself.

I swear, it does not bother me
that my brother's here.

- Really?
- Really.

Well, good.

I feel better telling you about something.

Hey, hey, Derek wants a beer.
Derek wants a beer.

Hey, I'm buying.
I'm taking care of this.

No, I'm buying.

Sam. Sam, I love this bar of yours.

But you know the best thing about it?

- Its owner.
- Yeah.

Yeah!

Thanks, Sam.

- Derek, one more game of pool?
- You're on!

You were about to tell me something?

Oh, well...

...Derek just wants to fly me
out to Martha's Vineyard tonight.

In a plane or on his back?

Well, he didn't say specifically.

Of course, he was all excited
about the new Learjet he just bought.

But he just wants to show it to me.
It's not a date or anything.

What if it is a date?
It's okay with me.

Well, I just thought maybe
you'd be bothered or something...

Bothered? Hey, I happen
to have a date myself tonight.

It's a good night for it.

Okay, if you're sure.

Listen, I think you and Derek
will make a great match.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You both think you're perfect
and one of you is right.

You know what your problem is, Mr. Malone?

- You are afraid of your feelings.
- I am not afraid of my feelings.

I don't have any feelings about this.

Whatever you and my brother Derek
wanna do is okay with me.

I don't care.

- Fine.
- Please don't go.

What?

What did you say?

I said, I have no feelings about this.

No, no, after that,
you said something.

It sounded like, "Please don't go."

"Please don't go"?
Are you crazy? Come on.

Diane, you gotta get over
this egotism of yours.

Hey, come on. Go.
Go with my blessings.

Have a good time. Really.

Please stay here.

Wait a minute.

What was that? There, at the end,
you said something.

Hey, come on, you're hallucinating.
Would you get out of here

and have a good time, please?

Go on. Go on.

Okay, I'm glad you understand.

- You go, I'll die.
- What?!

- Now, I heard you say something!
- Hey, come on.

You're coming unglued.
Please go. Have fun. Come on.

- Okay. I'll go.
- There you go.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to go freshen up.

- I'd rather stay with you.
- What?

What did you say?

I didn't hear anything.

Sam, what do you say we go
to the Combat Zone and see a girlie show?

No, I got a date later on, Coach.

Well, maybe I'll go alone.

Coach, I'd rather you didn't.
It's kind of a tough neighborhood.

I think you need some protection.

Gee, you're right, Sam.
What do you say, Carla?

No, not tonight, Coach.

Oh, well, maybe some other time.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- See you tomorrow, Sam.
- Yeah.

Hey, Sam, want me to hang around
till your date gets here?

No, you probably wanna get on home.

Are you kidding? It's 2:00 a.m.
My kids might be there.

Sammy, would you just tell me one thing?

What do you see in her?

- Who?
- Who?

The one who is off on a Learjet
with your brother.

The one who can't stop talking? The geek?

Carla, I know she's not perfect.
I know she talks too much.

And she's all those things you said.

But there are times
when I'm with her, she just...

...irritates the hell out of me.

That's what you're looking for?

- Maybe it is. I don't know.
- Hey, I know what you mean.

You know, I'm always
falling for guys I hate.

My whole life has been the wrong man
at the wrong time and the wrong place,

with the wrong birth-control device.

Sam?

Yeah.

You ever thought, even for a minute...

...about you and me?

Sure I have, Carla.

A recent minute?

Carla, I was always afraid
you'd be too much woman for me.

You're a wise man, Sam Malone.

Hi, Sam.

Oh, hi, Debbie. Boy, am I glad
you could make it tonight.

Yeah, well, it really
isn't very fair of you

to call me at the last minute like that.

It's a good thing my boyfriend's
a heavy sleeper.

Well, I just didn't feel like...
Feel like being alone tonight.

Well, what do you wanna do?

I wanna do something
with just the two of us.

I don't wanna think
about anything or anybody

but the two of us all night long.

Wow.