All language subtitles for Cheers.S01E20.Someone.Single.Someone.Blue.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Good night, Danny.
Now, be careful going home, now, huh?

Boy, that guy sure chewed
your ear off there, Coach.

Yeah, but what a nice guy, Sam.
Hey, you know something?

That's the first person I ever met
that was actually on the Titanic, Sam.

- He survived the Titanic?
- I forgot to ask.

Why didn't you call me over?
I would've loved to have heard that.

Well, gee, Sam, I figured you heard it.
You know, a big boat, it hit an iceberg.

Bang, down it went.

Listen, from now on

when you hear an interesting story
like that, call me over.

It's one of the joys of bartending.

If you wanna hear interesting,
forget the Titanic. Come over here.

- What? What?
- Glenn, tell him what you said earlier.

- Go ahead.
- Yeah, what? What?

I know all the words to
the Bonanza theme song.

Go ahead, let him hear it.

We got a right to pick a little fight
Bonanza

If anyone fights any one of us
He's gotta fight with me

We're not a one to settle up and run
Bonanza

Anyone of us starts a little fight
Knows he can trust on me

One for four, four for one
This we guarantee

One for four, four for one
This we guarantee

- Howdy, sports fans.
- Hey, Norm.

- What will it be, Norm?
- Fame, fortune, fast women.

Yeah? How about a beer?

Even better.

How's the search
for work going, Norm?

I got good news, everybody.
I am no longer looking for a job.

I'm now begging for one.

- Well, I don't believe this.
- What now?

That was my mother on the phone.

She just flew into town
and she's coming over here.

No kidding? Hey, we finally
get to meet her, huh?

This is very strange.

That you have a mother?

No.

That you have a mother
that wants to see you?

No. That she's coming over here.

I didn't think Mummy would be
caught dead in a place like this.

What are we,
too grungy or something?

Yeah, inside an hour ago,
I'm in the tub.

You're taking this all too personally,
and you shouldn't.

It's just that Mummy
doesn't like bars.

Well, bars can be very sad places.

Some people spend
their whole lives in a bar.

Just yesterday some guy sat
right here next to me for 11 hours.

- Yeah, what kind of a life is that, huh?
- Well, it's pitiful, you know.

And, you know, the sad thing is,
you know that guy is sitting in a bar

somewhere right now, drinking a beer,
going on and on about nothing.

Diane, you know, if your mom
is anything like you are,

- everybody's gonna love her.
- Oh, well, she's nothing like I am.

She's very eccentric,
a little hard to take at times.

Oh, yeah. Worlds apart.

Hey, Diane, if your mother's so rich,
how come you're not?

I didn't want that money.

I didn't wanna go through life
being handed money on a silver tray.

For you.

Thank you.

Nice.

There she is, my little baby.

Mummy!

Hello, darling.

They didn't even get near each other.

How could anyone miss Diane's mouth?

So this is a bar.

Yes, this is where I work.

Let me introduce you, Mother.

This is Sam,

who wouldn't think of saying anything
embarrassing in front of my mother,

- so he wisely says nothing at all.
- How do you do?

- Hi.
- This is Carla Tortelli.

She says even less than Sam
and she's very, very busy.

And down there we have Norman,
his friend Cliff.

They lost their tongues in the war.

Oh, Ernie Pantusso,
but you can call him Coach.

Or you can call me
by my other nickname, Red.

- Red?
- Yeah, during his playing days,

- his teammates used to call him Red.
- Oh, because your hair was red?

Oh, no, ma'am,
because I read a book.

He's very sweet, though. Very sweet.

I just wanna say it's nice
to finally meet you, Mrs. Chambers.

It's nice to meet you, Sam.
Diane's told me about you.

You're almost as handsome
as she says you think you are.

There's a compliment in there
someplace, I'm sure.

It's very nice of you
to come all this way.

I thought so too.
But you know what tomorrow is.

- No, what?
- It's your wedding day.

Congratulations.

My what?

If you're not married before tomorrow,
I lose my share of your father's estate.

My God. Why?

Darling, you see, when he died,
you were still a little gawky girl.

I mean, with your nose in a book
and a terrible facial tic.

Your father was...

Your father was worried
that you would never find a mate

and that you would have a lonely life.
So he made me promise

that I would have you married

ten years after the day he died.

He even put it in his will.

So if you're still single, I'm cut off.

But why have you waited
all this time to tell me?

Father's been dead for ten years.

You know how time flies
when you're having...

- Grief.
- Grief.

So if I'm not married by tomorrow,
you'll be broke.

Oh, put your mind at ease.
I'll never be broke.

I'll either be rich or dead.
The choice is yours.

Mother, you're seriously
asking me to get married?

Well, my attorneys have assured me
that it need be in name only,

and just for a few days.
There's no other way.

Oh, this is the craziest thing
Father ever did.

Not even close, dear.

Excuse me, madam.
I dropped the bags off at the hotel.

- Thank you, Boggs.
- Nice to see you, Boggs.

I'd be honored if you'd
consent to be my wife.

I said, in a pinch, Boggs.

- Now wait over there.
- Yes, madam.

Darling, think hard.
There's so little time.

Don't you know anyone who'd be
willing to marry you for a few days?

Well, I'm afraid there's no one
that I'm steadily dating at the moment.

Excuse me...

...rich lady.

You know, I couldn't help
overhearing your problems.

Your daughter has a hot thing
for the bartender.

I do not!

She likes Red?

He's dumb enough to be your father.

Not him. Sam.

I care nothing. I feel nothing.

Sam, who?

Come off it. You know, we've all
noticed the way you two go around

looking at each other
like lovesick cows.

Admit it, he's got you steaming
under the silks.

This happens to be my mother.

Well, that's why I'm being delicate.

Diane, is this true?
How about the two of you?

I'd rather marry Boggs.

I could make you very happy.

I'm sorry, Boggs.
That's just a figure of speech.

Thank you, miss.

Diane, he's not a bad-looking fellow.

His cologne's an affront to society,
but what harm would it do to ask?

Mother, no.

Darling, please.

I wish I was as strong
as you are, but I'm not.

Without money,
I don't think I can make it.

All right, I'll ask him. Sam?

- What?
- May I speak with you for a moment?

Well, I might as well
just come to the point.

That'd be nice.

Would you be willing to marry me?

Boy. This cologne must be doing its stuff.

You see, my very eccentric father

put a very strange clause

into his will providing

that if I'm not married by tomorrow,

my mother will become destitute.

So if you and I could get married just
long enough to satisfy the attorneys,

it would really help her out
and I would consider it a favor.

I'd consider it a joke.
Diane, marriage and me do not mix.

No, no, it's not marriage.
It's only a business arrangement.

Just for a couple of days,
and then we'll get divorced.

Listen, I've been married before.

You haven't.

Now, just take my word on this.
Marriage changes people.

There's not a woman in the world
that can stand up there,

hear those words,
and not start believing it.

- Well, that's a very sexist thing to say.
- No, no, no, it's not sexist,

because there's not a man
that can resist it either.

Why, Sam, that's a very
romantic thing to say.

Yeah, but the difference is,
with men, they get over it in an hour.

With women, it kind of
goes on for years.

If you're worried about me,
I am only doing this for my mother.

- Right.
- I promise you that I will not feel

any emotions toward you.

Look, I learned a long time ago
never to trust anybody

wearing a wedding gown,
especially a woman. So just...

Forget I asked.

- Hey, I'm sorry...
- Never mind. Never mind.

I'm sorry, Mummy. He said no.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

Oh, hell.

- Okay, Diane.
- Okay, what?

Okay, we'll get married.

- Really?
- Yeah, you bet.

Oh, Mr. Malone, how wonderful.

You're both wonderful.
Thank you very much.

I'm still rich. I'll get the justice.

Come along, Boggs.

- Thank you for changing your mind.
- You're welcome.

I wanted to help out.

- What you're doing is very noble.
- Well, thank you.

Where do you wanna go
on our honeymoon?

I should've known.

As usual, Mr. Malone has
his brains caught in his zipper.

Is this the first wedding ever
in Cheers, Coach?

Nope. Frankie Flaherty got
married in this bar, Norm.

- Yeah?
- Yep. He met Janet at that corner,

proposed to her right here,
right in front of me,

they got married over there,
had their first fight up by the piano,

she caught him
in the poolroom with a woman,

shot him dead in the alley.

- Whoa. That's an incredible story.
- Really.

Wanna know where he's buried?

- Where?
- He ain't. He's cremated.

- Thank God.
- Here's his ashes.

- We've got the license.
- So, what took you so long?

I thought while I was down there,

I'd pay my water bill
and register my bicycle.

You know what they're asking
for a bicycle license nowadays?

- Sam, shut up.
- Sorry, dear.

I'd like to introduce you
to Mr. Harrison Fiedler,

a justice of the peace
who will perform the ceremony.

Hi, Justice.

We need witnesses.

Yeah, every accident
needs some witnesses.

Sam. Sam, please, I'd be proud
to be your best man.

Oh, I'm honored, Coach. Thank you.

You know the day Diane walked
in here, I knew the two of you

- were gonna get together, Sam.
- Coach, this is just temporary.

Oh, I knew that too.

Tell me, how come
you never got married?

Well, Norm, Coach, it's unfair to ask
a woman to be the wife of a mailman.

Watching him get up every morning,
strapping on that old mail bag,

going out and hitting those mean streets,

never knowing whether
he's coming back or not.

Yeah, right.

Somewhere out there is a beagle
with your name on it, right?

Excuse me, I think we should begin.

- Are you ready, Mr. Fiedler?
- Oh, I'm ready.

May I have the license?

The groom's name is Schwinn?

That's my bicycle license.

Excuse me.

Diane, do you think we
could lose the aprons?

Oh, the aprons. Carla, the apron.

Gee, I didn't know it was
gonna be this formal.

- Are you okay?
- I'm fine. Fine.

Just a business arrangement.

I do appreciate it,
for Mummy's sake, though.

You're welcome.

Just remember, no emotions.

If I feel anything romantic,
I will run screaming from the room.

And I will clear a path for you.

Would the bride and groom
come forward, please?

We are gathered here
in the presence of these witnesses

for the purpose of uniting in matrimony

Diane Chambers and Sam Malone.

"The contract of marriage is most solemn

and not to be entered into lightly,

but thoughtfully and seriously
and with a deep realization

of its obligations and responsibilities.

Any two people
who have come to this point

clearly feel the love and joy
that they find in one another

can surmount whatever
obstacles lie in their path."

Sam, do you take...?

Do you mind?

What?

Never mind. I'm sorry. Please go on.

Sam, do you take this woman to be...

What did I do?

I saw the leer.

- Leer? Oh, come on, Diane.
- Oh, please, please.

Please go on. I'm sorry.

Sam, do you take this woman
to be your lawfully...

She's a customer in my bar.

I smiled, that's all. Go on.

She's a woman.

Well, I'll be darned. So she is.

To have and to hold,
from this time forward...

- You know, it was just a look.
- Oh, just a look?

This is just a look.
This is what you did.

- Can we get on with the ceremony?
- To have and to hold, from this...

Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute.
What's the big deal here?

You're beginning to sound
like my wife or something.

Excuse me. We are getting married.

Now, I may not be asking for 50 years
of love, honor and obey,

but it would be nice if during
the ceremony you didn't drool.

Boy, you know,
you really are demanding.

You know, I don't understand why
you're trying to make me so crazy.

I don't understand why you have
chosen this moment to demonstrate

- to everyone your utter lack of class.
- Look, I'm the one doing you the favor.

- Well, don't do me any favors.
- Children, please.

Hey, just butt out, Mom.
You know, I'm beginning to think this

- is the stupidest thing I ever did.
- The stupidest thing?

There is no stupidest thing you ever did.

Everything you do is equally stupid.

Including not throwing you out of here
the minute I saw your stupid face.

- Sam, do you have the ring?
- Hey, shut up.

All right, that's it.

We're making a mockery of marriage
and it's all my fault.

There'll be no wedding here today,
not between the two of you.

- Fine.
- Fine.

- I hate your guts and I always will.
- Yeah, well, that goes double for me.

I understand they wrote
their own vows.

You know, 30 minutes ago

I was a wealthy woman,
and now I can't pay for these drinks.

Oh, don't worry about it.
The drinks are on me.

I don't want your charity.
And I don't want your pity.

But I will take your money.

Well, if it hadn't been for dear old Dad

and his strange clause in the will,

you would never have been
in this predicament.

Now, darling, you mustn't
think ill of your father.

He was concerned.
He loved you very much.

You know that, don't you?

Yes, I guess I do.

And in his strange way,
I think he loved me too.

Unfortunately, he loved a good joke more.

Spencer, wherever you are tonight,

I hope you're frying.

You two are still here, huh?

We'll lock up.

How are you getting home?

How are we getting home, Mummy?

Oh, Boggs is waiting outside to drive us.

I'm sorry about this afternoon.

I'm sorry too.

I told you, weddings
do weird things to me.

Well, I must admit,
I got a little swept away myself.

I think I owe you an apology too,
Mrs. Chambers. I'm sorry.

What I asked you to do was unfair.

Are you all right?

Actually, I...

I'm really quite afraid.

Afraid of what, Mummy?

I'm afraid of being poor.

I was poor before I met your father,

and it took me years
to really forget how...

...being poor felt.

Excuse me, madam,
could I have a word?

- What is it, Boggs?
- I heard of your tragedy.

I'd be honored if you'd
consent to be my wife.

- It's too late for that, Boggs.
- No, I meant you, madam.

Why, Boggs, have you lost your mind?

I mean, I've only accepted
your familiarity over the years

because I was afraid
of class warfare.

I am aware of that. However, in view
of the developments in the last

half an hour, our stations have,
shall we say, grown a little closer.

- Now, then, Boggs.
- Madam,

it so happens I have a considerable
sum of money stashed away.

Really?

Where did you get it, Boggs?

From you and yours, madam.

I've been embezzling from your family
for close to a quarter of a century.

Why, Boggs, how clever of you.

Exactly how much money do you have?

As I recall my Emily Post,
a lady does not ask her chauffeur

how much he stole
from her dead husband.

Let us just say,
I am very comfortable.

Shall we go to dinner
and talk about the future?

Bon appetit.

You know, Boggs,

I must confess,

I've always found
the back of your head...

...enormously attractive.

I sensed it, madam.

- Would you do me a favor, madam?
- What's that?

Would you drive?

Kinky.