All language subtitles for Cheers.S01E19.Pick.a.Con.Any.Con.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

You're in a pretty good mood tonight.

Why not?

Last night I was up till 2 in
the morning finishing off Kierkegaard.

I hope he thanked you for it.

I see that Coach and George
are still at it.

Yeah, it's kind of fun,
they enjoy each other's company.

Well, it's nice to have someone
your own age to spend time with.

Been through the same fads,
you've seen the same films,

you don't have to explain things.
There's a real comfort in that.

It's too bad we're not closer in age.

Isn't it?

However, six or seven years
really isn't that much.

Gee, I would have thought
eight or nine.

I find older men stimulating.

I hope you're not talking about me.

Oh, certainly not.
You're not in the least bit stimulating.

Hey, listen, seriously,
I would not worry about your age.

You're obviously young enough
to bring that Kierkegaard fella home.

Do you two think that you could put
your glands on hold long enough

to get some work done here, huh?

You win again, George.

I just had all the cards today, Coach.

- You'll get me tomorrow.
- You bet I will.

Take it easy, pal.

- Always do. See you, pal.
- So long.

- See you, folks.
- Take care.

Sam...can I borrow 20 bucks
till payday?

You bet.

Oh, boy, was that George hot.

I didn't know you played for money.

Wow, every day for months too.

How many games have you won?

Well, if I had to take a guess,
let me see...

...none.

- None?
- Well, Sam, you know,

I've been right in there every game.

No, Coach, that guy's a hustler.

Come on, Carla.
George and me, we're like pals.

Hey, hey, it's how they operate.
Trust me.

We're only playing for fun.

How much fun have you lost?

About eight grand.

- Eight grand?
- Oh, Coach.

But that's-- Wait a minute, wait,
that's spread over since last February.

Look, damn it,
don't you see what he's doing?

I mean, Carla's right.
He's taking you for everything you got.

I can't believe it.

Sam, you are at least six or seven
years older than I am. Now admit it.

Would you wait a second, please.

We just discovered that George has been

hustling Coach for a lot of money here.

George?

- That sweet, white-haired gentleman?
- Yeah.

- Piffle.
- No, Diane, it's true.

Gee, Sam, isn't there anything
we can do about it? Anything?

I got it.

We beat him up, strip him,
take his money, and put him on a bus.

Subtle, Carla.

Hey, that's how I got to Boston.

I just had the worst idea
I've ever had.

Worse than hiring her?

I just had the second worst idea
I've ever had.

Remember Harry?

- Oh, no.
- Oh, no.

Come on, come on. Maybe he
can help us out here a little bit.

You mean that hustler
you always throw out of here?

- Yeah.
- Sam,

that's like calling Spinoza
to settle an argument

between Nietzsche
and Schopenhauer.

She's got a point there, Sam.

Look, I think it's a mistake
to trust Harry.

No, come on, look.

George is a con man,
Harry's a con man.

What's the old saying?
"Send a thief to--"

- "To camp for the summer.'
- Right.

I don't even know where to find him.
Does anyone know?

Yeah. I know exactly where he is.
In jail, like he always is.

You sure?

Yeah, in Boston, please,
for the city jail.

- Sure you don't mind me doing this?
- No, no, go ahead, Sam.

I use information to get numbers
all the time.

Hey, Coach.

- Hi, Harry.
- Harry,

Harry,

here's the ten bucks I'm gonna owe
you in about five minutes, all right?

Thanks.

- Hey, Coach, where's Sam?
- He'll be out in a minute, Harry.

Wanna play for a drink?

Not a chance, Harry, no way.

Don't show fear.

He smells fear.

- Cliff.
- Hey, Harry.

You feel lucky?

- Well, yeah, sure, why?
- Tell you what?

I'll bet you a dime I can drink
that drink without touching the hat.

Dime, huh?

- Okay, you're on.
- Okay, you'll love this.

It's gone.

Yeah, huh?

Hey, what's so good about that?
I mean, anybody can do that.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, I can do that.

No.

- A dime.
- A dime.

A dime, yeah.
Coach, another shot, please.

Yep.

The dime says I can drink the old shot
there without touching the old chapeau.

Are you ready?

Okay, that baby's gone.

- No.
- Yeah.

That's great, Cliff.
That's worth a dime.

Hey, go ahead and laugh, Norm,
at least I got my money back.

Five bucks for the booze, Cliffo.

- Thanks, Cliff.
- Yeah. Yeah, anytime, Harry.

- What's the matter?
- What's the matter?

Hey, if you'd given as much money
to the space program

as you have to that guy,
we'd have condos on Venus.

Harry, thank you for coming.
Can I get you a drink?

For free, it's too easy.

All right, let's go sit down over there.
Coach, you wanna join us, please?

- Sure.
- Carla, you got the bar?

Oh, she always
gets to watch the bar.

- Diane, you may have the bar.
- Oh, goody.

Diane has the bar.

- Yes?
- I need a bloody Mary.

A bloody Mary coming up.

Where do we keep the Mary?

The Bartender's Guide.

Bloody.

"The Bloody Mary.

There's nothing like a fresh
bloody Mary to start any day.

This is a traditional favorite
served with lunch, brunch

and often, in quotes,
'as the hair of the dog that bit you.'

Its colorful name
derives from the story--"

Make the drink!

Now, that's Eddie the Mole.
He's from Phoenix.

They call him Moleman or moley.

- In Philly they call him Sid.
- Sid?

Philly's a dull town.

So, what you're saying here
is he's pretty well-known, huh?

Any bird-dogger knows him.

He runs paper and cubes,
mainly in the crib,

but sometimes
right up against the wall.

Puts on a straight-up guy
kind of front

and then grinds away slow
with coolers and hoptoads.

Real rip-and-tear kind of stuff.

Yeah, yeah, that sounds...

It seems to me he got in trouble
with the boys in Vegas last year

and he's been keeping
kind of a low profile.

Could be him. You know,
a lot of those guys lay low

by making small money
off dumb saps.

So where do I come in?

Sam, excuse me. Where do you keep
the measuring spoons?

We don't have any.

What?

"Precise measurements are one of
the keys to a good drink." Page 12.

Serving it the same day it's ordered
is right up there too.

- Carla, I--
- Hey, girls, please, please.

Come on, Harry, you got anything?
You got any ideas?

Well, I think you need a poker game.
The Mole is not known for poker.

Coach, why don't you call him up

and tell him you have a little game
going here at closing.

Okay, now that makes you the roper.
You bring him into the game.

Wait, how do we know
that he brings enough money

to cover Coach's losses?

Don't worry about that.
The guys always carry a big roll.

They gotta be ready for action.

Now, you, Sam, you have to promote
this as a friendly neighborhood game.

- You're the inside man.
- I'm with you so far.

Okay, now I'm gonna need a bankroll
this week.

You just lost me, Harry.

Sam, if you don't stake me,
it doesn't go down.

- I need about five grand.
- Five grand? Are you kidding me?

This whole thing's
getting out of hand.

Sam, please. Please, Sam.

All right. I'll be the...

What do you call the guy
who brings the money?

You call him
the guy who brings the money.

- All right.
- One other thing, Sam.

I appreciate this.

It's all right.
I appreciate getting bailed out.

Besides, I don't like the idea of
somebody else plucking my pigeons.

See you.

Thanks, Sam.

A dash of pepper.

A lot of ingredients
in a bloody Mary, Sam.

Yeah, I know. That's why
we usually mix up five gallons

and put it in the refrigerator
beforehand.

How come you're doing this, Carla?
Why'd you let her do it?

I wanted to see her
try and make vodka.

Closing time.

Hey, Sammy,
let me get this straight here.

Now, whatever we lose,
we're gonna get back. Right?

- That's right.
- Great. I love to gamble without risk.

Oh, Sam, would you mind
if I stay and watch?

- No.
- Oh, I promise, I promise,

I won't ask
a bunch of dumb questions.

- You won't even know I'm here.
- Okay.

So why poker?

Why not crazy eights?
Why not chess?

Why don't I shut up like I said I would?

Oh, I always get this way
when I'm nervous. You know?

Sam, what can I do to stop?

I'd know what to do with hiccups or
something, but runaway chatter is--

- Hello, everyone.
- Hi, George.

Hello, George.

I understand you fellas
have a little poker game going tonight.

Yeah, yeah, some of us get together
every once in a while.

Coach thought you might
like to sit in.

I haven't played poker in years.

I just hope I don't embarrass myself.

Embarrass yourself? You're playing poker
with a bunch of guys

who can't bet
and chew gum at the same time.

We got an extra chair here,
Harry, if you wanna sit in.

Who, me?

Well, I've heard that poker
can be a pleasant diversion.

If it doesn't get too intense.

Aren't you playing, Coach?
Not me, not me, George.

Gin's my game.

Okay, minimum buy-in is $500.
Let's see some money, gentlemen.

Boy, you're pretty, pretty good, huh?

Lucky tonight.

- Yeah.
- Real lucky, huh, Harry?

Your bet, Cliff.

Okay, I'll see that 50 and...

...and I'll raise you...

Let's see, I'll raise you
100 Paul Revere commemoratives.

You can't bet stamps.

I'll fold then.

Up to you, Norm.

The Lord hates a coward.

I'll see the 50,

and raise $300.

- You're bluffing.
- You're right. I'm out.

I'll raise 500.

Too rich for my blood.

I'm calling you, George.

Looks like it's my night, huh, boys?

Harry, Harry, maybe we... Maybe we
ought to get out of the game, huh?

- What for?
- Oh, no reason, no reason.

You lost most of the money
I put in.

George has got all the cards
and you're playing lousy.

- Silly of me, I guess, huh?
- Everything's fine. I'm toying with him.

I'm giving him
a false sense of security.

I think you're giving him
a genuine sense of security, Harry.

Hey, fellas, let's play cards, huh?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Straight to the jack.

Damn it.

- What the hell happened?
- I lost.

Well, no kidding.
You lost everything I put in there.

Why didn't you cheat?
That was the whole point, wasn't it?

Sam, I ran every gaff I know
and he beat me.

All right? He beat me.

Sam, I don't know what to say to you
except I'm sorry.

I'm gonna go wash up.

Ladies and gentlemen,
it's been a pleasure.

- Sam, Sam, can I ask you a question?
- What?

- Does four of a kind beat a straight?
- Yeah, of course.

Then why didn't Harry
throw in these four threes?

- Look what time it's getting to be.
- George, wanna hang on a second?

- What's going on here?
- Nothing. I'm just going on home.

Well, maybe not. Maybe not.

You and Harry concocted this whole
deal this afternoon, isn't that right?

What are you gonna do now,
go outside and split up the winnings?

Of course not.

Then you wouldn't mind
if we just take our money back.

Try anything and I'll tell the police
about this poker game.

You could lose your liquor license.

You must have done this
before, huh?

Look, George, you made a fool out
of me and you can keep my money.

It's okay.

I just want all my friends here
to get their money back, every penny.

Do you understand, George?
Every penny.

I'm not giving you
any of my money back, Coach.

Well, what if we cut up
Harry's share, huh?

You know, that's not such a bad idea.

You could play him again, beat him,
and give us our money back.

Well, I never did like the guy.

I'll challenge him to another game.

Do you think you can beat him?

Of course I can.

I can have three queens
in my hand at any given time.

All I need to know
is when he can't beat that.

- You mean like a sign, huh?
- Yeah.

- Sam, please, let me give the sign.
- No.

Sam, all this trouble's
on account of me, Sam.

Please let me give the sign, please.

I don't know, Coach.
I mean, that's kind of tricky, isn't it?

Well, he is the last person Harry would
figure being in on anything clever.

Just don't screw it up.
Come here, Coach.

Now, give your sign the first time
Harry can't beat three queens.

- Three queens.
- Now, what's the sign?

Let me see.

I'll rub my nose like this.
It's the old bunt sign.

Got it.

Okay, good night, everybody.

- George, you need a ride downtown?
- I'm afraid they're on to us, Harry.

On to what?

They figured out our little prank.

Oh, well, I've gotta run.

Come on, Sam.

Times are hard, you know?

A guy's gotta do what he can.

Harry, I was never much
of a team player,

especially with Boston small-timers.

Why don't you and me
play a little one-on-one...

...for the whole jackpot?

You know, Mole,

I was never too impressed by Arizona
hustlers, except they got good sinuses.

Hey.

You're on.

- Mind if I deal?
- No.

- What's the game?
- Five-card draw, no limit.

- Here's your half.
- Fine.

- Ante's a yard.
- What?

A hundred dollars.
Pay attention. Jeez.

I'll bet two.

It's covered.

What do you need?

- One.
- Dealer takes one.

Oh, George, did you see that?

Yes, I did, Coach.

George, I scratched my nose
because it was itchy.

Right, I saw you do that.

It was really itchy, George.

And that's why you scratched it.

- Exactly.
- Hey, stimulating conversation, huh?

Are we playing cards or what?

It's George's bet.

Harry, let's stop fooling around.

Now I'm going into my private stash.

Ten grand.

Oh, I like those socks.

You're covered.

Three little ladies.

- Four threes?
- That can't be.

Seeing is believing, Mole.

George, why did you make the bet?

Because you scratched your nose,
you idiot!

But I told you
why I scratched my nose.

Okay, that does it.

Harry, I never wanna see you
come through that door again.

Don't worry, Malone. You won't.

You caused me to lose a fortune,
you old fool.

You're a stupid, blundering moron,
who deserves to lose his money.

What a night.

I don't believe
the whole thing happened.

I feel so used.

Now, come on, what are you doing?

Oh, Sammy, I think he's snapped.

Coach.

He's laughing.

What are you laughing at?

That.

One born every minute, huh, Coach?

- We did it, Harry!
- Okay, Coach.

There's your money. Now who
wants to play double or nothing, huh?

You had George conned that
the two of you were working together

while all along it was you and Coach.

- You're not even close, Sam.
- Yeah, he is.

Oh, that's it exactly.

Come on.
Everybody, coffee's on me.

- All right.
- Great, Coach.

So only you and the Coach
knew about this?

Why didn't you let us in on it, huh?

I didn't think you were bright enough
to pull it off.

I still don't like you.

Hey, Harry.

Hey, you feeling lucky tonight?

- What you got in mind?
- Game of chance.

Simple cut of the cards.

What are the stakes?

If I win,
I get to go to bed with you.

What if I win?

You get to go to bed with me.

Forget it.

I understand.

You'd rather earn it.