All language subtitles for Cheers.S01E07.Friends.Romans.Accountants.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Oh, hey, Diane,
do me a favor, will you?

Pour Mischa there a real quick beer.

Coming right up, Mischa.

There you go.

Sam, what is he doing with his hand?

He's a cymbals player
for the symphony,

and they're in the middle of a concert.
He's counting out a long rest,

so he'll know exactly
when to get back for the big finish.

Fascinating.

Okay, that's 1.25 out of 20.

That's 1.50, 1.75,
2, 3, 4, 5, 10 and 20.

Musicians are very temperamental.

- Afternoon, everybody.
- Norm!

- Norman.
- How's life, Norm?

Not for the squeamish, Coach.

Norm, what's the matter?
You're shaking there

like a meringue in an earthquake.

My whole career as an accountant,

I just sat in my cubicle,
kept my mouth shut, right?

Today I made the mistake
of volunteering for something.

Oh, what?

Every year the firm has
a company party.

- Yeah.
- Guess who's party director this year.

Wait, wait. Let me guess.
Let me guess. I'm good at guessing.

Julius LaRosa.

Warm, Coach. Me.

Gee, I should have taken
more time, huh, Sam?

Probably.

So how come you volunteered, Norm?

Chance to make points
with the big boss.

Last year some nobody named Jensen
threw a luau in the parking lot.

It was a big hit.
You know where that man is today?

Leaning over my shoulder
saying, "Add faster."

Norman, I don't know
what you're so upset about.

Sounds like a great opportunity to me.

That's what I thought.

After I volunteered,
I realized I never threw a party.

I killed a few.

Hey, what's the big deal, huh?
You want some excitement,

you pay a sexy chick
to jump out of a cake.

Or if you wanna save a little money,
you could get Carla to do it.

- Couldn't resist.
- Carla! Carla!

Diane, strippers aren't enough here.

All right, Norm. Will you relax?
Life's too short.

Cliff, you don't understand.
We're talking about 100 accountants.

Their lives are incredibly dull
all week long.

You gotta do something special

to turn those guys on,
wake them up, you know?

Norm, the best party I was ever at
was in a locker room, right?

We're all standing around
in our underwear,

pouring champagne on each other,

guys flinging guys into showers.
It was terrific, Norm.

Coach, that was after we'd won
the division championship.

That's right. That's why we were
all in Cleveland.

Right.

Hey, Norm, I got a great idea.

- Have yourself a hot-tub party.
- What?

Yeah, it's the latest craze
out there in California.

- You know, your weirdo central.
- Yeah?

Yeah. You get a bunch
of people in a hot tub,

you never can tell
what's gonna happen.

I mean, just today I was delivering
two copies of Star Parade magazine.

Guess who's on the cover in a hot tub.

Julius LaRosa.

No, it was Burt Reynolds, Coach.

Boy, I used to be so good at this game.

I did think of one little icebreaker.

You know, I go through
this year's audits,

find the biggest mistakes
and xerox them, pass them around.

We're talking monster laughs.

You're a maniac, Normie.

Norman, perhaps I can give you
an idea that you could actually use.

I think parties are the most fun
when you can shed

your everyday, mundane identity
and come as someone else.

Back in college, I held a party
where everyone came

as their favorite Elizabethan poet.

I remember...

...it was so great.
I chose Christopher Marlowe

because I was deeply into
Doctor Faustus at the time.

But I still get letters from people
who loved it, Norman. Loved it.

Say, didn't we used to have a weekly
Elizabethan Poet Night here?

- Yeah, it started getting too rowdy.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I remember the night
you were charged

with practicing iambic pentameter
without a license there.

You know, Sam, if I'm to serve both
as a waitress and the butt of jokes,

I think I should make more money.

Yeah, what does a good butt
make in this town?

Okay, Norman, in keeping with the spirit
of this establishment and its patrons,

I suggest you get totally down
in the mud and throw a toga party.

Toga party? You mean, like,
where they dress up in sheets?

Oh, I'm sure you'd love it.
It's a stupid fraternity tradition

where a bunch of borderline humans
stand around swilling beer

and vomiting on themselves.

Until the inevitable denouement
when they raise their robes

to reveal the depths
of their personalities.

- Hallelujah, I am saved!
- No!

Yes, sir, I can see it!

This is gonna make
that luau look like a pig roast.

- Easily, easily.
- Sammy, can I use Cheers?

I'll pay you half
what you think it's worth.

- How can I pass that up?
- Come on. I got a lot to do here.

I should just go home
and close myself off

and work out all the details.

- Great. Good luck, Norm.
- No, I can do that in the bathroom.

Sam.

These people aren't dressed
in togas, are they?

No, Coach.

I thought it was supposed to be
a toga party.

- It is.
- Well...

I must be getting my spells again.
I thought I had them licked.

- No, you're all right, Coach.
- You sure?

Yes. You're all right.
These people just...

...haven't gotten into the spirit
of the party yet.

Oh, thanks, Sam.

But here comes Diane.

Gang in the back's ready
for another order, huh?

- Not yet.
- It's been an hour and a half.

What are they doing,
watching their ice melt?

Actually, Sam, things
are quite peppy back there.

There's one fellow who,
believe it or not,

can recite every area code in the country.

We're talking dazzling
entertainment here.

Sam, can you spring me
for a few minutes? I gotta see this.

Enjoy, Coach.

Listen, if this guy knows
Laramie, Wyoming, I'll croak.

Boy, this party stinks.

Well, maybe we should do something
to help pick it up, huh?

I got an idea. Listen...

Why don't you go back to my office,
top drawer of my desk,

you'll find two tassels and a G-string,
I'll hum "Night Train."

- No, come on, it might work.
- Get out.

Let the games begin!

Holy...

Well, you all got the date right,
so I know you can read.

You. How come you're not in a toga?

I was afraid everybody else would
chicken out, and I'd be the only one,

look like a ridiculous fool.

Good point.

Jensen, nice suit.

Hello there.

Why did I volunteer?
I'm a dead man.

Sammy, you got somebody
lying in state in the back room?

Nobody's moved
for an hour and a half.

Hey, Normie, I like it.

You look like
the Pillsbury Doughmonster.

- How come you're late?
- I had car trouble.

You try flagging down help
dressed like this.

Where...? Where's your wife?
Why isn't she at the party?

She didn't hear about it.

This is the worst party yet.

Thanks loads
for the toga idea, Diane.

Well, Norman, all you need
is a little icebreaker.

- Yeah?
- Let me help.

Okay, everybody!

How about a round of that
always-enjoyable game,

Charades, huh? I'll start off.

Movie title.

Four words.

First word.

"My." Sounds like "eye."

Here, I'll give you the first one
to get you going.

Okay, second word.

What am I doing here?
I'm eating, huh?

Doesn't this look
like eating and drinking?

When do we eat and drink?

Dinner. "My Dinner."

Third word.

What is this? It's little, isn't it?
It's a little word.

W, begins with a W,
little word, begins...

With. My Dinner with. My...?

My Dinner With Julius LaRosa!

That's it.

- Okay, Ogden, Utah.
- 801!

Hold it down, everybody.
It's the phone!

I feel it! I feel that beat.

Get up off your seat and on your feet.
It's limbo time!

Yeah!

Come on, everybody!

Hey, come on, now!

Come on, last year you ate a pig
with your fist! What's going on here?

Come on! Hey!

Pack of nerds.

Norm, Norm, that was
a message for you.

Somebody named Ruta
can't make it tonight.

Oh, no. Ruta's the girl I had coming
to entertain the big boss.

This can't be happening.

First I throw the worst party
in the history of mankind.

Now I got no date for the big boss.

You mean, you gotta set
your boss up with a woman?

Yeah, it's one of
the party director's duties.

Why don't you ask
one of the women here?

Or does your boss like live things?

- Carla, do you suppose...?
- Oh, no, no, no, Norm.

Don't look at me. I got four kids,
and I sure ain't looking for any more.

- I didn't say to have sex with the guy.
- That doesn't matter.

I'm what you call a fast breeder.

A man winks at me,
I'm three months along.

I need a woman!

Does anybody need anything?

Hallelujah!

All right, let me see
if I've got this straight.

You want me to entertain a man
I've never met.

All I'm asking you to do is pour the guy
a few drinks and chat with him.

You don't have to go home
with him or anything.

Although, if you do, I'll drive.

Hey, I'm joking around, Diane. Come on.

Norman, I'm going to walk away from here

and pretend that you
never asked me to do this.

Hey, Diane, this could work out
for you too, you know.

You might like this guy.
He's intelligent. He's educated.

- He went to Harvard Business School.
- Sam?

You know, it's true. I can't believe
that your job depends on

you finding some woman
for this guy.

That's right. What you're doing is
demeaning and dehumanizing,

not just to me, but to yourself.

I get it. You think I'm a kissy, right?

Well, it's easy for you two to talk.

Diane's attractive. She's got brains.

Sammy, hey, good-looking guy,
a baseball star.

I've got nothing.

My only hope in life is to find
somebody who's got something

- and try to make them like me.
- Norm...

Yes, yes. So long as there are boots
to be licked, apples to be polished

and fannies to be kissed,
I'll be there!

First time I ever saw a man strut
and grovel at the same time.

Hey, you know, Norm is kind of
in a jam here tonight.

- Now you want me to do this.
- Well, it wouldn't be so bad, would it?

You are! You're asking me to do this,

- aren't you?
- What's the big deal?

I mean, you sit down,
probably some old guy,

you have a couple of drinks,
he'll fall asleep.

- It's the principle.
- Hello, Mr. Sawyer, sir, welcome!

Well, Norman's a friend.

I guess I could give the old geezer
a couple minutes of my time.

Sir, we are all terribly honored and
thrilled that you could make it here.

- Yeah, I like your sheet.
- This old thing?

Why don't you just come on down here
and I'll show you a seat.

Why don't you let me do that, Norman?

I know the place.

I'll never forget this, Diane.

Mr. Sawyer, Diane Chambers.
Friend of mine.

- Nice to meet you, Diane.
- Nice to meet you.

Why don't you two sit right here.

You... out.

Well, what would you like to drink?

Scotch rocks.

Barkeep. A little service, please.

Mr. Sawyer will have
Scotch rocks and...

- Let's see, what am I in the mood for?
- How about a good beating?

- Perhaps a vermouth cassis.
- Fine.

If you need anything else,
please just snap your fingers...

...in several places.

Well, I guess working in a bar
makes you grumpy.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

We're Eddie Barnett
and the Eddie Barnetters.

Okay, it's request time.
Shout them out.

"Chicago"?

One of Eddie's favorites, "Chicago."

- Norm, this band is the worst.
- I don't understand it.

They sounded so good
over the phone.

- So you're an art student, huh?
- Yes.

You know, I really always wanted
to be a painter.

I must tell you, it is so refreshing
to meet someone like you.

- Yeah?
- Yes, someone in business

who enjoys the finer things.

- Here you go. One for you.
- Thank you.

One for your lady of the evening.

Here's to a sparkling conversationalist.

Oh, thank you.

You know, I'd normally ask you to go out

and find someplace to talk
through the night,

but I don't think we'd find
anyplace as quiet as this.

There something wrong
with your drink?

- It's watered down.
- Let me take it back.

No, that's all right.
I know the bartender.

- I'll take care of it.
- You sure?

Yes, I'll be right back.

Do you have a problem, Mr. Malone?

Listen, I know you're a light drinker,

and I didn't want you to get
carried away tonight

and do something you might regret.

You're not at all bothered
that I'm spending time with Herb?

Herb?

No, no. None of my business, really.

Looks a little seamy,
but seaminess has its place.

Well, a moment ago,
you were encouraging it.

A moment ago,
the guy was 85 years old.

Oh, I see.

An old man is fine, but one whose
kidneys are still functioning is taboo.

Look. Look, look, like I said,
it's none of my business,

but this guy expects you
to be his for the evening.

The whole evening,
know what I mean?

Sam, we are having a harmless
conversation about art.

- Do you know what I think?
- What?

I think you're a little bothered
by the fact that he's so good-looking.

That's what you consider good-looking?

- Well...
- The guy's got padded shoulders,

and I bet that's not even his real lips.

He's gorgeous,
and it's driving you crazy.

- No, it's not.
- Yeah, it's killing you

that there's another
attractive man in your bar.

Another rooster in your henhouse.

The day goes so much easier
for me now that we've got

those little Cup-a-Soups
in the office, sir.

If that was your idea, Mr. Sawyer,
you are a genius.

- Norm, how about I buy you a drink?
- Well, thank you.

Why don't you just set sail
for the bar over there

- and have yourself a good time.
- That's wonderful, sir.

Diane, I understand there's
a pool table in the back room.

How about a game?

Okay. I've never played before,

- but why should that stop us, huh?
- Right.

Thank you for that conversation, sir.
I know I'm the better for it.

- Hi there.
- Hello.

That is a good-looking guy.

I felt something kick.

Well, now you know why
I never go to these things.

It must be strange getting
that reaction from people, huh?

I like to think it's the money
and position and not me.

Oh, I can assure you it's not you.

I think Sawyer likes Diane.
I'm on my way, big guy.

Norm, you know,
you're really sickening tonight.

Yeah, I know, Sam.

I'm not proud of myself,
but, then, I never am.

Yeah.

Well, Simon Says is my game.

- Yeah.
- I'm great at that.

Well, maybe I can help you out here.
I can teach you in a couple of minutes.

- Oh, all right.
- Why don't you just

- put your left hand down like that.
- Yeah.

And grab the end
with your other hand.

- I'm not in the way here, am I?
- Diane, you smell wonderful. What is it?

Thank you. Dandruff shampoo.

- I like it.
- I don't flake for hours.

- Herb, wait a minute. No.
- Diane, you're beautiful.

Well, you know, I don't really believe
in mauling on the first date.

I didn't come down
to hear the band.

I thought we were having
a nice conversation.

- We were. That part's over.
- So how is everything back here?

Whoops!

- Norman!
- He'll stop in a minute, Diane.

- No, really, Norman, it's...
- Mr. Sawyer...

- Get lost, Norm!
- Fine, sir.

- Look, this is not my idea of...
- Oh, come on, Diane.

- No! Wait a minute!
- Mr. Sawyer...

- I told you to leave.
- Mr. Sawyer, get off!

- Norm, this is a big mistake.
- I'm sorry, sir. I know. I'm sorry.

Nice cologne, sir.
Excellent cologne.

You're crazy! You set me up
with this girl, and then you do this?

There is no room in my company
for unstable people.

You clean out your desk tonight!
You're fired!

Yeah, I figured.

Norman, I'm...
I'm real sorry you lost your job.

That's exactly what
I was trying to avoid.

That's all right.

What was that all about?
Your boss just stormed out of here.

- He's not my boss anymore.
- What?

He was all over Diane.
I had to get rough with him.

I want a beer.

- You okay?
- Yes.

Well, go ahead, gloat.

Listen, believe it or not, I'm...

I'm really sorry this happened.
I know you must be feeling...

- ...hurt and angry right now.
- No.

No, I'm not feeling hurt and angry.

I brought this on myself.

- Actually, I'm feeling kind of...
- Cheap?

All right, yes. I feel cheap.

I saw an attractive person
with a little glamour,

and I wanted to meet him so badly
that I pushed everything aside

and threw myself at him,

totally sacrificing my dignity
and my pride.

What's wrong with that?
I do that all the time.

For one terrible moment,
I actually saw myself through his eyes.

I saw nothing...

...but a cheap harlot.

Come on, we all know
that you'd starve to death

before you made a living
with your body.

- Thanks, Sam.
- You're welcome, Diane.

So he fired you, huh, Norm?

He fired me, Coach.

You know something?

I may not have a job.

I may not have a future.

I may not have anything
except this sheet on my back...

...but you know something?

I feel terrible.

Gee, I'm sorry, Norm.

Got it.

Hey, did you really hit the boss?

No, I just shoved him
around a little bit.

Hey, everybody, it's true!
Norman just punched out the boss!

- I just pushed him around.
- Way to go, Peterson.

All right, Norman!

Norman, our hero!

- Norman!
- Norman!